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00:01Most mothers will tell you their children are a gift from God.
00:06Most mothers will also tell you that the gifts their children give them are less than them.
00:13Lynette had suffered through artwork made in kindergarten,
00:19spice racks made in summer camp,
00:23and jewelry made at the Scout Jamboree.
00:27But this day, Lynette Scavo received a gift every mother dreams of.
00:34One she wasn't embarrassed to display.
00:36Where did you guys get this pot?
00:38We made it!
00:39Really? I love it!
00:42Well, this is the nicest present you boys have ever given me.
00:46And you know what? I'm gonna put it out on the front porch so the whole neighborhood can enjoy it.
00:51Lynette knew she'd cherish the memory of that moment for the rest of her life.
00:58The memory of that moment was ruined the very next day.
01:08Mr. McCloskey, why are you taking my flower pot?
01:11Because it's mine. Your boy stole off my porch.
01:14No, no, no. My son's made that for me for Valentine's Day.
01:17I bought this in Costa Rica on my last cruise.
01:20You see? Still got the price tag on it.
01:23Look.
01:24What? Nothing more to say?
01:27Can't cut your tongue?
01:28Listen to me. Keep your brats off my property.
01:32Yes. Most mothers will tell you their children are a gift from God.
01:38Most mothers will also tell you there are some days when you wish you could return them.
01:44It was the day before Valentine's Day and every man on Wisteria Lane was preparing for this most dangerous of
01:51holidays.
01:51While some purchased romantic cards.
01:57And some brought home candy and flowers.
02:01And some made dinner reservations at fancy restaurants.
02:06Others managed to forget about the day entirely.
02:10Again.
02:13This flurry of activity was lost on the women of Wisteria Lane.
02:17They were busy learning a secret about their neighbors.
02:21A secret that was positively heartbreaking.
02:26So Paul said that Zachary killed Dana?
02:28Yeah.
02:29Well, it must have been some sort of accident.
02:31I mean, little boys don't just kill their baby sisters.
02:33Well, whatever it was, that boy is seriously disturbed.
02:36And I've forbidden Julie from hanging out with him.
02:37Could you hold her?
02:39So this is it.
02:40This is the secret that Mary Alice was trying to protect.
02:43Look at the guilt that she must have lived with.
02:45You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of feel like...
02:48I wish I could.
02:50I still feel like something's not right.
02:52What do you mean?
02:53Well, we've all been in their house.
02:54Have you ever seen a picture of another kid there?
02:56I mean, why keep Dana's baby blanket and throw out all the photos?
03:00That's a good point.
03:01We never answered why Mary Alice referred to herself as Angela in that therapy session.
03:05All I know is this.
03:07Mary Alice loves Zack more than anything in the world.
03:10When you love a child that much, you're capable of doing all sorts of things.
03:20Yeah.
03:29Hello.
03:30These were delivered to my house by mistake.
03:33May I?
03:34They're for Mary Alice Young.
03:37Oh, my God.
03:40I had a standing order with the florist.
03:42I forgot to cancel it.
03:46Mary Alice was my wife.
03:47She passed away a few months ago.
03:52I'm very sorry for your loss.
03:55And I'm sorry for yours.
03:57Pardon?
03:58Your sister.
03:59Martha.
04:00Oh, yes.
04:03Her.
04:07Good Lord, that's Angela.
04:11What?
04:12Angela Forrest.
04:13We worked together in Utah.
04:14Must be 15 years ago.
04:17I'm afraid you're mistaken.
04:19My wife's name was Mary Alice.
04:21She's never been to Utah.
04:25Well, I could be mistaken.
04:27As I said, it's been years.
04:37No, Mickey, you're wrong.
04:38I wasn't acting like a diva.
04:40I left the boat show because that coordinator was making passes at me.
04:44I mean, it's not my fault.
04:46Yael Lin, you missed the spot.
04:48No, spare me the lecture and just book me another job quick.
04:52Carlos and I are up to our asses and bills and we can't pay them.
04:55Fine.
04:57Bye.
05:04What did you say?
05:06Nothing.
05:08Are you going to clean that spot?
05:11Which one?
05:12The one I told you to clean.
05:15I get to it.
05:25Clean it now.
05:27Why?
05:29Because I said so.
05:32Okay.
05:33But you've got to say, please.
05:38Fine.
05:39Please.
05:44Anything to get you back on your knees scrubbing your face?
05:46I'm not living where you belong.
05:48You are not better than me.
05:51Excuse me?
05:52The only reason you have anything in your life is because you are pretty.
05:58One day you'll be old and when that happens, you'll be nothing.
06:03You are so fired.
06:07No kidding.
06:18Ooh, Valentine's Day card.
06:19It's pretty.
06:20And meticulously hand painted.
06:23Whoever sent you that must really love you.
06:25And be loaded with talent.
06:27It's beautiful.
06:28Thanks.
06:31So are we still on for tomorrow night?
06:32Oh, not only are we on, I got reservations at Le Petit Fleur.
06:36Ooh, that place is so pretentious.
06:37I've been dying to go there.
06:39Boys!
06:40Get your little fannies inside!
06:43Guys!
06:46Oh, poor Lynette.
06:48If she doesn't get a new nanny soon, she's going to implode.
06:55Hey, guys.
06:57Who are you hiding from?
06:58Our mom.
06:59She wants to spank us.
07:00Why don't you do something bad?
07:04You know, if you hide out too long, she'll get worried.
07:06Then she'll just get madder.
07:07You know what I say?
07:08Going home, take your lops.
07:09A decent chance to have the rest of the day to play.
07:15Come on, climb aboard.
07:18All right.
07:21Impressive.
07:22Oh, I love kids.
07:24Can't wait to have my own someday.
07:26Up!
07:38We don't want to get spanked.
07:40Yeah, we promise we'll be good.
07:41Too late.
07:42You stole.
07:43And then you lied.
07:45Even worse, you made me look bad in front of Mrs. McCluskey, who you know is mommy's sworn enemy.
07:49Time to pick your poison.
07:52How about a belt?
07:54It's a classic.
07:57Well, we could go with the old hickory stick.
08:00It's a cliché, but it's pretty effective.
08:03I know.
08:03We'll go with the spatula.
08:05The holes give it less wind resistance.
08:07Moves faster.
08:09Guys, guys, guys!
08:11Hey, my hands are tied.
08:13Thieves get spanked.
08:16Just the way it works.
08:19Unless...
08:19Unless what?
08:21For a first time offense, if you swear, cross your heart, that you will never, never steal again.
08:29And you write Mrs. McCluskey a letter of apology, I will let it slide.
08:35Okay, okay!
08:35We swear!
08:36We swear!
08:37Start with dear Mrs. McCluskey.
08:44Mommy, why are you smiling?
08:47Do you know what psychological warfare means?
08:49No.
08:50Well, too bad for you.
08:52Okay, start with a big N.
08:54See?
08:55Good.
08:57Rex and I are hosting a dinner party for ten next week.
09:00We're using our best china and serving duck.
09:04So, you and Rex are a couple again?
09:07Yes.
09:07You know, that's one of the things I hated most about our separation.
09:11Not being able to throw dinner parties.
09:14There's just something so civilized and elegant about them, don't you think?
09:18I take it you've resolved your feelings about his infidelity?
09:23Let's just say I've put them in an imaginary box and don't plan on looking at them for a while.
09:29Do you think that's the healthiest way to achieve a reconciliation?
09:32Well, it won't be easy at first.
09:34There'll be a lot of forced smiles and perfunctory lovemaking, but after a few decades whizz by, I'm sure I'll
09:41find a way to forgive him.
09:42Well, as long as you have a plan.
09:49I do want to forgive him, Dr. Goldfein, but there's something he's still not telling me.
09:57Really?
10:00I think it has something to do with why he had the affair.
10:03Have you confronted him?
10:05Once, and you should have seen the look in his eyes. He was terrified that I'd figure it out.
10:13You know what it is, don't you?
10:16Brie, I can't discuss other patients.
10:19I realize that.
10:25This thing that he's hiding, is it bad?
10:32Oh!
10:34Okay, um, maybe it's better that I don't know.
10:38Brie, how does this reconciliation have a chance if the two of you can't be honest about the innermost parts
10:44of your lives?
10:45We're, um, wasps, Dr. Goldfein.
10:48Not acknowledging the elephant in the room is what we do best.
10:51You'd settle for that?
10:53A life filled with repression and denial?
10:57And the dinner parties?
11:00Don't forget the dinner parties.
11:07And, uh, over there you got your queens and, uh, your quad spring series and your deluxe one-thousands, all
11:15the way to the imperial paradise.
11:18Sweet racket, huh?
11:19I swear sometimes I wake up in the morning and I can't believe I'm the Siesta King.
11:24Except for how I am.
11:26Very impressive.
11:28So, where does the photographer want me for the shoot?
11:32Uh, didn't your agent tell you there's no shoot?
11:36Well, then what did you hire me for?
11:39You've heard the expression, sex sells.
11:42That's where you come in.
11:44You're here to remind people that there's a lot of fun things they can do on a Siesta King mattress
11:49that don't involve sleep.
11:51Get it?
12:11It is often said that good fences make good neighbors.
12:17But as Lynette was about to discover, the fence might just need a little barbed wire if the neighbor is
12:24Mrs. McCluskey.
12:25Hey!
12:30Hey, what do you think you are doing? Get out of here!
12:33Your little criminal snuck into my house and stole my wall clock.
12:37What?
12:38It was a hand-painted purple and white wall clock. My son made it.
12:41Well, are you sure you didn't misplace it? You're getting up there in years. No offense, but you probably forget
12:46where you put things.
12:47No offense, but you should be sterilized.
12:50Look, my boys do not break into people's houses. Sure, they may have stolen your flower pot, but you know,
12:55they apologized for that.
12:56They wrote a note. That's the coward's way out. They should have come over and apologized in person.
13:01You know what? This has been fun. But now...
13:03You let those boys run wild. Toys all over the yard. There's bikes laying out in the street. It's a
13:08disgrace.
13:09Get out of my house!
13:09Those boys would have been better off raised by wolves. God knows they would have been cleaner.
13:20Valentine's Day is tomorrow.
13:22I know. I already bought your gifts.
13:26Roses and English toffee?
13:28Mm-hmm. Just like always.
13:30Yes. And I suppose we'll make love tomorrow night, too?
13:35That is our little tradition.
13:37Good.
13:38I'm looking forward to it.
13:47Are you looking forward to it?
13:51What?
13:52Well, it's just that I know that I don't please you sexually, so I was wondering if you really were
13:57looking forward to being with me.
13:59Oh, for God's sake.
14:00I'm sorry, Rex. I thought I could pretend that this doesn't upset me anymore, but I can't.
14:05Please, don't do this.
14:07You had an affair. You went to another woman for sex to give you something I couldn't. At least have
14:12the decency to tell me what that something is.
14:14Bree, I can't.
14:15Bree, I can't.
14:16Why not?
14:21Rex, please tell me. Let me prove to you how much I love you.
14:30I like to be dominated.
14:34Huh?
14:37Sexually.
14:40Huh?
14:42Never mind.
14:44Rex, please. I want to understand.
14:51Please, Mr. Snow.
14:53Yes, mistress. Yes, yes.
14:55Turn your head. Don't look at me.
14:56But mistress.
14:57On your knees. Now. Right now.
14:59Tighten your cup. Tighten your mouth.
15:01Yes, mistress.
15:01Do it now. Yes.
15:02Head down. Yes.
15:03Ow. Yes. Uh-huh. Yes.
15:05Place the plastic in your mouth.
15:07Yes, mistress. Yes.
15:11Well?
15:14What the hell did your mother do to you?
15:16What?
15:17Oh, come on. This just reeks of unresolved childhood trauma.
15:20This has nothing to do with my mother, Bree. This is a preference.
15:23It's a perversion.
15:25For God's sake, you promised to be supportive.
15:27What do you want me to say? My husband likes to wear metal clamps around his nipples? Hooray?
15:31I want you to say you'll try it. Just, just once.
15:34Try what? Hurting you? You actually want me to hurt you?
15:38So I can feel pleasure. Yes.
15:41Fine.
15:45So, was it good for you, too?
15:58Mike wants babies.
16:00What?
16:01He wants to have kids.
16:03And he had that look that men get that says, I'm ready to procreate. Point me to the nearest cervix.
16:09And I take it this is a problem?
16:11Oh, I can't have another baby.
16:13I mean, I'm so grateful I had you. You know, I don't regret a minute of that, but I...
16:18I found it to be completely overwhelming.
16:21Sometimes I even wonder how I got through it.
16:23You and me both.
16:26So, have you told Mike how you feel?
16:28Oh, I can't tell him. This could be a deal breaker.
16:31Julie, I really love him. I don't want to lose him.
16:34Maybe you're overreacting.
16:36I bet he'd rather have you than a baby.
16:39What if he doesn't?
16:41Then that's something you need to know.
16:48Susan shouldn't have been so worried.
16:52Children were the last thing on Mike's mind.
16:54He was too busy searching for answers in all the wrong places.
17:08jazz music playing
18:44Hey Mike, it's me. Are you there? Pick up. Hello?
18:48Hello. Okay, I know you're home. Your lights are on. Look, I really need to talk to you about something.
18:55You know what? I'm just going to stop by.
18:57Okay. Oh, hey, hey. I'm here. Are you okay? Yeah. I just stubbed my toe.
19:05Oh. Um, so can I come over? I really need to talk to you about something.
19:13Actually, I've got a buddy over here right now. Um, can I wait till dinner tomorrow?
19:19It's kind of important. Um, yeah, I guess I can wait.
19:23I'll see you at seven.
19:24All right. Count the minutes.
19:30You should take it easy for the next few days.
19:33I can't cancel. The last thing I need is for her to get suspicious.
19:42Maybe it's my dementia, but I still haven't found my purple wall clock.
19:45Nobody in my family knows or cares where your stupid clock is.
19:50Oh, and by the way, will you tell your little criminals to get their bikes out of the street?
19:54Oh, I'll get it.
19:55Oh, no. Well, move it when you say please.
20:10Pleat.
20:12Okay, little Lynette, let's not get crazy.
20:14Even though it was Mrs. McCluskey who had officially declared war,
20:19it was Lynette who decided to deliver the opening salvo.
20:23You're going to clean that up.
20:24You think so?
20:25Yes.
20:30Yes. The War of Wisteria Lane would indeed prove to be messy for everyone involved.
20:37Pardon me. Pardon me?
20:40We were wondering what the coil count is on this one.
20:46Oh. Sorry.
21:00What is this?
21:02People keep coming and talking to me, asking me questions. That is not my job.
21:06Well, you don't have to be rude.
21:08I am not a mattress salesperson.
21:11Is there something wrong with being a mattress salesperson? Is it beneath you or something?
21:16Honestly, yes. I'm a model.
21:19You know what? Your agent warned me that you were a diva, and he was right.
21:23You won't talk to the customers, you bitch about the coffee, and you wouldn't even chip in for Hazel's birthday
21:28cake.
21:28I just met the woman today.
21:30That didn't stop you from having a piece.
21:33I'm sorry, but I don't want someone around my store that's not a team player.
21:38Oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait.
21:38You're fired, princess.
21:40No.
21:44I need to know if my policy covers it.
21:47No, my car actually wasn't involved. It was my neighbor's car.
21:51But the egg was mine.
21:54Uh-huh. Can I please speak to your supervisor?
21:57Honey! Can you come out here?
22:02What?
22:05Look what I found stashed in the boys' playhouse.
22:15Please tell me that's not a purple wall clock.
22:21Pack your bags. We're moving.
23:02Discouraged over losing her job,
23:04Gabrielle decided a makeover would be the perfect cure for her depression.
23:09It was after finding a moisturizer she couldn't afford
23:13that it finally occurred to Gabrielle...
23:19perhaps it was her pride that needed a makeover.
23:25Excuse me, miss.
23:28You forgot to give me my receipt.
23:30Oh, right.
23:31Uh, oh, here.
23:33Here we go.
23:36Come again.
23:44Mrs. Solis?
23:50Oh, God.
23:52Hello?
23:55Hello, Yao Lin.
23:56How are you?
23:58Good.
23:59Very good.
24:00I wanted to call you.
24:02I felt terrible about how we left things.
24:04I need lipstick.
24:06Okay, but now.
24:12You must be loving this, huh?
24:14Having me serve you must be a dream come true.
24:17I can't complain.
24:20That's a difference between you and me, Yao Lin.
24:22Our dreams.
24:23Close your eyes, please.
24:27You see, I dreamed of pulling myself up from nothing, and I did.
24:31I dreamed about the things I wanted, and I got them all.
24:34A high-powered career, a handsome husband, an extravagant house.
24:40So this is just a blip on the radar for me, because now I know what I'm capable of, and
24:47if I did it once, I can do it again.
24:50I'm never really down, Yao Lin, even when it looks like I am.
24:55So enjoy this moment.
24:56Enjoy your dream.
24:58Because for you, it doesn't get any better than this.
25:03There.
25:04Don't you look beautiful?
25:24Right this way.
25:26Everything okay?
25:27Oh, yeah, this dress is just riding up as it is.
25:30If I walk any faster, it'll be happy Valentine's Day for everyone.
25:32Especially me.
25:41Excuse me, miss?
25:49I'm so sorry.
25:51Is everyone okay?
25:55Thank you so much.
26:01Oh, ma'am, you're not...
26:02Don't even think about it.
26:15Oh, that's so wonderful what you wrote.
26:22Okay.
26:24I'm not going to be any type of company until I get something off my chest.
26:29Do you remember the other day when you said that you wanted to have kids?
26:33Mm-hmm.
26:35Here's the thing.
26:38I don't think I'm ready to have another baby.
26:42I think we need to have a serious conversation.
26:46Sure.
26:52I'm not going over there.
26:53Yes, you are.
26:55No, I can deal with the humiliation of going around to the neighborhood returning everything
26:59the boys stole.
27:00But please, don't make me apologize to that woman.
27:04This is what it means to be a good neighbor.
27:06Finding ways of getting along instead of, you know, hurling an egg at them.
27:11But why do I have to apologize?
27:13Why don't we just go, oh, now we're even and we'll start from scratch.
27:15Okay, if the, uh, being a pleasant human being argument doesn't fly with you, we'll try a
27:19self-preservation.
27:20What if she wakes up in the middle of the night, the house is on fire, you don't want
27:23her to call 911?
27:24If our house catches fire, I guarantee you she's the one that started it.
27:27Okay, my point is, the day will come and we need our help, and I don't want her not
27:31to help us just because of some silly feud.
27:36Fine, I'll do it.
27:38Wow, thank you.
27:40You know, whoever came up with the motto, love thy neighbor, clearly lived nowhere near
27:43Karen McCluskey.
27:45Yes, well, on Valentine's Day, the only motto that really matters is, you know, love thy
27:51husband.
27:52Really?
27:52I recall no such motto.
27:54Hmm.
27:55Hmm.
28:01I mean, I understand why you would want to have kids, but that chapter of my life, it's
28:06just closed.
28:06I'm, you know, I don't think I can go back there.
28:09And so, you know, given the way I feel and given the way I think you feel,
28:16Oh, God, you're not taking this well.
28:18Oh, I was afraid of this.
28:21Um.
28:26What?
28:28I gotta go.
28:30What?
28:32I'm sorry.
28:36I don't believe this.
28:37You're leaving without even trying to talk me into having your baby?
28:40I mean, how do you know I wouldn't cave?
28:42I always cave.
28:42I...
28:43Mike?
28:59Good night.
29:00Night.
29:10so how does this domination thing work
29:20so there's nothing to be afraid of I mostly will just be constructing simple scenarios and
29:25acting them out so it's like we're in a little play sort of and if things do get too rough
29:33we'll
29:33have a control word if one of us says it the other backs off immediately okay so what's our control
29:39word well lately I've been using Philadelphia what's wrong well it's just that my aunt Fern
29:49lives in Philadelphia and I don't want to be thinking about her while I'm spanking you with
29:53a leather strap okay fine you pick a control word um how about Boise Boise what's the matter with
30:04Boise we're gonna be doing psychological role-playing here Bree a funny word like Boise will ruin the
30:11mood we need something that sounds serious hmm how about Palestine
30:22Boise will be just fine so I guess we should get started what do you want me to do
30:33handcuff me to the bed Bree you are not gonna regret taking this journey with me this is going to
30:39infuse
30:40our marriage with more passion than you can imagine you just have to trust me I do would you mind
30:51if I
30:51ran these through the dishwasher once sure you can wait here you can go in to see him as soon
31:01as the
31:01doctor is finished okay thanks can you believe that story please there's no way that gunshot one was
31:10self-directed funny how he can't seem to remember who stitched him up well the police are on their way
31:14to talk to him
31:15let them sort it out
31:37sorry about ruining dinner please just glad you're okay
31:47so you shot yourself pretty lame huh I was cleaning my automatic and I was too embarrassed to tell you
32:01well I could see why you would be I know it sounds crazy I just I couldn't let myself ruin
32:07your
32:07valentine's day but I heard what you said at the restaurant about not wanting kids
32:15we don't have to talk about that now no Susan I just want to be with you above everything else
32:24that means not being a dad I may be stupid enough to shoot myself
32:32but I'm not stupid enough to walk away from you
32:34you know you know that right yeah
32:46I'm gonna go outside and let you rest for a while
32:54thanks for being so understanding
33:15I'm officer Russell this is officer walters I'd like to ask you a few questions
33:40what do you want
33:43your boys have something they'd like to say to you
33:50I have some tea heating on the stove
33:53perhaps you'd better come inside boys
34:01what about you Lynette do you have anything to say
34:05no I'll just wait out here suit yourself
34:18you boys want some peanut brittle
34:21go ahead
34:23don't get any crumbs on my floor move over
34:29okay
34:31go ahead make with the apology
34:34we're sorry
34:37that's it huh
34:39didn't you know that stealing is wrong
34:42how old are you anyway
34:43we're six
34:44and how old are you
34:45five
34:47well your mother just pops them out doesn't she
34:50how old are you
34:53how old do you think
34:54a hundred and fifty
34:57hurry up and eat your peanut brittle
35:04who's that
35:09that's my little boy
35:11where does he live
35:14he died when he was twelve
35:16how come
35:18he got sick
35:21he was a little terror like you three
35:26you would have liked him
35:29now are you done with the peanut brittle
35:32let's go
35:37now I want to say something to you before you go
35:40what you did was wrong
35:42but it's nice that you wanted to get a present for your mom for Valentine's Day
35:48nobody is ever going to love you like your mother
35:52all right let's go
35:57get the hell out of my house
35:58in her heart
35:59Lynette knew she would probably never love her neighbor
36:04never realizing that love
36:05was the one thing she and her neighbor
36:08had in common
36:20hi
36:22hey Lynette
36:25um
36:26what's wrong
36:28my kids have been on kind of a thieving jag
36:31stealing stuff from around the neighborhood
36:33I'm so sorry
36:35I know
36:35they're being punished
36:36probably for life
36:38but
36:39I needed you to see something
36:42they said they stole it from Mike's garage
36:44from inside his workbench
36:46near Mike
36:52so
36:53read the engraving
37:01is that blood?
37:05I don't know
37:06what does this mean?
37:11I don't know
37:21it's impossible to grasp
37:23just how powerful love is
37:26it can sustain us through trying times
37:33or motivate us to make extraordinary sacrifices
37:39it can force decent men to commit the darkest deeds
37:45or compel ordinary women
37:49to search for hidden truths
37:53and long after we're gone
37:56love remains
37:57burned into our memories
38:02we all search for love
38:05but some of us
38:07after we found it
38:10wish we hadn't
38:12you
38:14you
38:16you