- 2 days ago
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FunTranscript
00:08It was a perfect day.
00:10I love you, Mommy.
00:13It was a perfect plan.
00:15This is our target, the nuclear power plant.
00:18If we capture the plane at precisely the right moment,
00:21they will not have time to shoot down the aircraft.
00:23For a perfect attack.
00:26If they hit that power plant with that aircraft,
00:29the casualties could be in the hundreds of thousands.
00:31God help us all.
00:34Everything was perfect.
00:38Except...
00:39What?
00:40What is this CPT?
00:43That means the plane is gonna get here when it gets here.
00:46They picked the wrong airline.
00:48And don't come up here complaining and shit.
00:50You motherfuckers wanna come on here and act a goddamn fool?
00:53I'm about to go on break.
00:54You motherfuckin' terrorists killed me off.
00:56Soul Plane 2, the blackjacking.
01:00Come see why black incompetence...
01:04Goddamn, that's as flat as a motherfucker.
01:06...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.
01:10We can't let you through, homie.
01:11Hey, this Osama bin Laden's nephew, nigga.
01:13I'm once removed.
01:15I'm just fucking with you, dawg.
01:17Go ahead, nigga.
01:18Starring Gary Anthony Williams.
01:20But you know what they say, when it's your time to go,
01:22it's your time to go.
01:23John Witherspoon.
01:24What if it's your motherfuckers sittin' next to me time to go, huh?
01:26Monique.
01:27It's very important this plane live on time.
01:30Damn, now are you yelling at me or shittin' at me?
01:32Snoop Dogg.
01:33Hijack.
01:34Them niggas ain't getting my whizzy.
01:35For rizzy or for shizzle, my nigga, you know what I'm saying?
01:37And 50 Cent as Air Marshal 50 Cent.
01:41That's that two's.
01:43Oh, that's right.
01:45Soul Plane 2, the blackjacking.
01:48Get ready.
01:49This time, it's going down.
01:52This is a hijacking.
01:54Remain in your seats.
01:55We have a bomb on the aircraft.
01:59Everyone remain.
02:01We can do this.
02:03We can do this.
02:09I'm about to go get dressed.
02:11Soul Plane.
02:12Soul Plane.
02:13We gonna fly on a Soul Plane.
02:17I am the stone that the builder refused.
02:19I am the visual, the inspiration that made ladies sing the blues.
02:23I'm the spark that makes your idea bright.
02:25The same spark that lights the dark so that you can know you're left from your right.
02:28I am the ballad in your box.
02:29The bullet in the gun.
02:30The inner glow that lets you know to call your brother son.
02:33The story that just begun.
02:34The promise of what's to come.
02:35And I'ma remain a soldier till the war is won.
02:54Charlie, hurry up.
02:55Soul Plane.
02:56Soul Plane.
02:58Soul Plane.
02:59We gonna fly on a Soul Plane.
03:02And make sure you pee before we leave.
03:04I ain't gonna miss my movie going to the bathroom with you.
03:06I'ma let you go in there by yourself and get molested by a nasty white man.
03:10What's wrong with you?
03:11I don't wanna go to the movies.
03:12Why not?
03:13I don't ever wanna go to the movies with you again.
03:15Not after what happened last time.
03:17What happened last time?
03:18We got arrested.
03:19And shot at.
03:20Ah, racism.
03:21Daddy said I can go to the movies, but he said I'm not allowed to see Soul Plane.
03:25Good.
03:26You don't wanna go to the movies with him.
03:27He's crazy.
03:28Hush.
03:29Can't see Soul Plane?
03:30Why, little baby?
03:31Because of the types of stereos or something.
03:33Types of stereos?
03:34Oh, no, no, no, little baby Dob.
03:37This is a good theater.
03:38They have THX.
03:43She means stereotypes.
03:45Stereotypes?
03:45In Soul Plane?
03:46That's nonsense.
03:47Say, how about we tell your daddy we saw something else?
03:51You mean, why?
03:53That really doesn't seem to be a good idea.
03:55Hush, boy.
03:56You know, it's okay to break the rules every once in a while.
04:00I won't tell if you won't.
04:01Okay.
04:03Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.
04:06Hey, Riley.
04:07Don't forget the camcorder.
04:10Now, the first Soul Plane was funny.
04:12About as funny as a lynching.
04:13Oh, hush, boy.
04:14You ain't even see it.
04:15I've never seen a lynching either, but I know they not funny.
04:17See?
04:18Show's what you know.
04:18I've seen funny lynchings.
04:20No, you haven't.
04:21I have so.
04:22Roscoe Patterson's lynching was funny.
04:24Yeah, so them niggas was like, Roscoe, you better lose time for Mr. Charlie and them
04:29crackers going fun for you.
04:31I'm like, man, fuck these crackers, man.
04:33This is Roscoe Patterson.
04:34Nigga, I don't give a fuck.
04:36I just don't give a fuck.
04:37You know what I'm saying?
04:38White man can eat a dick.
04:39Eat my bowels, nigga.
04:41There he is.
04:42Get that, nigger.
04:47It wasn't really funny after that.
04:50This is going to be so much fun.
04:53This is going to be the worst day of your life.
04:57I'm bringing nunchucks.
05:00Huh?
05:13Here, put these coats on.
05:14Huh?
05:18Here you go.
05:19What is it?
05:20It's pinto beans and egg bones.
05:21Now put this meatloaf and gravy under your shirt.
05:24Why don't we just get treats from the concession stand?
05:28You think I'm paying $20 for some popcorn?
05:31You must be out of your damn mind.
05:34Are we allowed to bring in food?
05:36Of course we're allowed to.
05:37It's my food, isn't it?
05:38I paid for it.
05:39That means I can eat it when and where I want.
05:41Boy, put this pot roast in your pants or you ain't eating.
05:44Oh, this is nothing.
05:45He's just getting started.
05:49Robert Jebediah Freeman had sworn a lifetime intifada against the movie theater industry
05:53for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,
05:56which, interestingly enough, did not stop him from going to see movies.
06:00Okay, gang, keep your eyes open.
06:02Open for what?
06:03We're sneaking in.
06:04That's not true, little baby.
06:06I bought my tickets online.
06:08Scout's honor.
06:08Look, granddad, I got some money saved.
06:10The movie will be on me.
06:12Now you put that away, boy.
06:13These movie devils ain't getting any more of our money.
06:16Mm-mm.
06:16Uh, Mr. Freeman?
06:19It says no outside food, little girl.
06:22That's why we keep it inside our clothes.
06:24Are you sure this is legal?
06:26Okay, everybody, look alive now.
06:28Here's our chance.
06:30I understand you need your job,
06:32but you're still a human being with dignity.
06:34Yeah, I mean, look at this uniform, man.
06:35I look like a fucking dork.
06:37Why would they make me dress like this?
06:38What did I do to them, huh?
06:39You should take action.
06:41Eh, what can I do?
06:46Had you ever thought about forming a union?
06:48What's a union?
06:49Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm paid.
06:51I got my ticket.
06:52Yeah, yeah, I got a ticket for you.
06:54A one-way ticket to get the hell out of here, Negro land.
06:56Go on, move it.
07:02Eww, nigga, you gay.
07:05How about that?
07:06Another victory of the common man over corporate greed.
07:09You're not advancing any struggle by being cheap, granddad.
07:12I'll advance my belt on your behind if you don't shut your ass.
07:15Oh, my God.
07:16We didn't pay to get in the movie.
07:18Yes, we did.
07:19I ordered my tickets online.
07:21Who got the neck bone?
07:22No, you didn't.
07:23We snuck in.
07:24We sold a movie.
07:26Now, who makes the rules?
07:28Grown-ups, right?
07:30And I'm grown-up, and I say it's okay.
07:31We're gonna get caught.
07:32We're gonna get caught.
07:34I should call my daddy and turn myself in.
07:36Oh, yeah?
07:37You gonna tell him what you came to see?
07:39Huh?
07:40I bet he'd like to know that.
07:41Maybe I should make a phone call.
07:44No, please no.
07:45Good.
07:45Now, just calm down.
07:46Try some mashed potatoes.
07:47Who got the popcorn?
07:48I do, granddad.
07:51Ow, hey.
07:53What the hell is wrong with you?
07:54What am I gonna do with raw popcorn?
07:56You're gonna ruin my dentures.
07:58Who?
07:58Damn, can't watch a movie without popcorn.
08:01Now, I gotta spend all my damn money on a bucket of popcorn.
08:06Told you.
08:20Stealing movies is a felony.
08:23Oh, oh, oh!
08:26Oh, oh!
08:26Oh, oh!
08:27Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
08:30Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
08:31Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
08:31It's just like robbing the elderly.
08:36Or murder
08:40Don't steal movies
08:52Damn!
08:54Large freshly popped popcorn, please, and lots of butter
08:58Anything else?
08:59I asked for butter on it
09:00Butter's over there
09:04I don't want to put the butter on it
09:05Why can't you do it?
09:06You're supposed to put the butter on it
09:07I don't want to put the butter on it
09:08I'm already paying $20 for this bullshit popcorn
09:11I will not demean myself by putting butter on popcorn
09:14Why? It's really easy
09:15Why? Because I don't work at the movie theater, that's why
09:18You're supposed to put the butter on it
09:20If I go to Burger King and order a cheeseburger
09:23They don't make me put the cheese on it, do the goddamnit
09:24I see, I see
09:26Just cause your skin is light, bright, and two shades from being white
09:29You think you're too good to butter your own popcorn
09:32Well, you wrong, Lando Calorizium
09:35Damn it, Rutgers
09:36Y'all gonna put some butter on this popcorn
09:43We put our lives on the line every day to make movies
09:46And then people come along and steal all that hard work
09:49Who would do something like that?
09:51A terrible, awful human being that no one will ever love
09:54That's who
09:55I'm so sorry, Mr. Salt Man
09:59Boo!
10:01Ay, get to the flip
10:02What happened to the movies?
10:04Y'all should be ashamed
10:05Why is it when I order a soda pop, I get an empty cup?
10:08I didn't order an empty cup
10:09I ordered a soda pop
10:10And what asshole started putting commercials in movies?
10:13I can see commercials at home on TV
10:14And the bathroom stink
10:16Clean the fucking bathroom
10:17I'm not gonna take it anymore
10:18I paid too much damn money for these movie tickets
10:20To burn in my own motherfucking popcorn
10:23It's only popcorn
10:28When did you get here?
10:30Huh?
10:31Well, I've been at the ticket window all day long
10:33And I don't remember you buying no tickets
10:35Robert Freeman
10:36I got my tickets on land
10:38Uh-huh!
10:39A damn lie!
10:40I ain't never met a nigga smart enough to use a personal computer
10:44Not even a Macintosh
10:47You never take me alive, you punk ass ass
10:50Drop it!
10:51Come on, come on!
10:52He went this way
10:59Did I miss anything?
11:00Mr. Freeman
11:01I don't want to steal that movie
11:03I want to go home!
11:04Shh!
11:06What's wrong with you?
11:06I want to go home
11:09You wasn't saying that back in the house, was you?
11:11Was you?
11:12Because you wanted to see Soul Plane 2
11:13Well, this is how we see Soul Plane 2
11:15I repeat
11:16The terrorist said his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
11:19And he's demanding that we
11:21Hell nah, nigga
11:22I ain't finna ask him for his motherfuckin' autograph
11:24An hour into the movie
11:25I wasn't sure how much more I could take
11:35He's in here, I know Robert
11:37He don't miss a coon flick
11:39What is it?
11:40What's happening?
11:41Don't make a sound
11:49Damn
11:50Let's go check Medea's bat mitzvah
11:54If you left the toilet seat
11:56I'll be in the restroom
12:01Officer, I'm sorry
12:02I didn't mean to steal from the stuntman
12:08What were you about to do?
12:09You were about to ride on us, weren't you?
12:11This is what the movie theater industry wants, Jasmine
12:13Us fighting against each other
12:15Oh, no
12:16There's no turning back now
12:18You're in it all the way
12:19Now, you're gonna get your little narrow, high yellow ass
12:22Back into the theater
12:23And enjoy Soul Plane 2
12:24I wanna go
12:27Shut up
12:28You're ruining my innocence
12:30Shut up
12:32I expected you to try in first class
12:34We're in first class
12:42Granddad, what's wrong with Jasmine?
12:46She's fine, watch the movie
12:49Oh, that's crazy
12:54Granddad had to be stopped
12:56I'm gonna put an end to this
13:00And so did this movie
13:03Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both
13:08Move, nigga
13:09Where you going?
13:10They're looking for us
13:10Here we come back
13:15This is crazy
13:16Colorful for something
13:21My plan was to get to the projector room
13:23And destroy the printer's Soul Plane
13:32First, I'm back
13:36Jasmine, you're missing all the best parts
13:40I'm not watching a stolen movie
13:41Oh, well
13:42If you don't wanna laugh
13:44Oh, that's crazy
13:46What's so funny?
13:48Oh, nothing
13:48Hilarity just ensued
13:49That's all
13:50It did?
13:55Oh, that was funny
14:03It's about impossible
14:04To find this black ass
14:05In this dark, they have
14:06Yo, I think we need to shake the spizzle
14:08Huh, what?
14:14Forget Jasmine, let's go
14:15But we couldn't
14:16She the weakling
14:17She'll slow us down
14:18I mean, how could we?
14:19Look, she a little girl
14:20They not gonna give her no real time
14:22She do what?
14:23A couple months tops
14:23But we both got priors
14:25We cussed to go
14:26Come on, Granddad
14:27We running out of time
14:29Sometimes
14:30In order to save the day
14:32People had to sacrifice themselves
14:33You understand?
14:36Oh, air marshal 50 cent
14:38You're so brave
14:39To sacrifice yourself to save us
14:41Let me bit you
14:43Ow, wait
14:44Ow, ow
14:45Ow, ow
14:48Ow, ow
14:49Ow, ow
14:50Ow, ow
14:51Ow, ow
14:52Ow, ow
14:52Ow, ow
14:53And hold this
14:53We'd ride back
14:55Okay
14:59Exactly
14:59See, what Marx is saying
15:01Is that the oppression
15:01Of the proletariat
15:02Is an essential facet
15:03Of the exploitation
15:04Inherited in the system
15:05So, therefore
15:06Due to the class
15:11You're a little half-and-half
15:13Half-and-half
15:24Oh, man
15:27He's in there
15:29Look, what happened to my...
15:35Damn
15:36Right there
15:40Hey
15:41Hey
16:16I've been waiting on this day
16:18Since your little uppity ass
16:19Came into town
16:29You won't kill me, air marshal 50 cent
16:32You will only die
16:35Trying
16:35But I will kill you
16:37Or...
16:38I'm a...
16:39Or...
16:40Or...
16:41Or I'm a dead...
16:42Tran
16:42What? What?
16:44You thought you was the only one
16:45Who mastered the ancient and deadly art
16:47Of the Nunchaku?
16:48Chaku?
17:29Hey
17:30Hey
17:30Hey
17:31That was great, Granddad
17:32Boy, I wish we could've seen the end of that movie
17:34I don't know
17:35I feel bad for leaving Huey in, what's her name?
17:38They knew the risks
17:39So they might do a little time
17:40We see them when they get out
17:42Uh...
17:42It doesn't seem right
17:43I'm going back
17:44And turning myself in
17:45Turn yourself
17:46Me
17:47Granddad, look, come on
17:48I mean, I love Huey
17:49Almost like a brother
17:50But what's done is done
17:51We've got to let go of the past
17:54If you don't come back
17:54Can I have his side of the room?
17:57Aw, come on, Granddad
17:59You're supposed to be setting a better example
18:02You just wait till the manager gets here
18:04He gonna throw their book at both of y'all
18:07This...
18:08Is the worst day...
18:09Of my entire...
18:11Life
18:12Told you
18:16Here's the guardian for the kids
18:17That's right, Ruckus
18:18We snuck into the movie too
18:19We?
18:20You said you was gonna turn yourself in
18:22Please, let the kids go
18:24I'll take responsibility
18:26Ha ha ha!
18:27Look like y'all all going down
18:29The manager's not coming
18:30Cinema's closed
18:31Indefinitely
18:32Looks like everyone walked out
18:34Something about a union
18:35What?
18:36The manager ain't coming
18:38But call the police
18:39The FBI
18:40Homeland Security
18:41You mean we gonna let this African hooliganism go unpunished?
18:46You have problems, Mr. Freeman
18:47And you need help
18:48Thanks for coming back
18:49Eventually
18:51Yo, you need to stop snitching, Granddad
18:53Ow!
18:54Hey, why don't you call social services
18:56And turn yourself in for child abuse
18:58Ow!
19:04Hey, man
19:06You guys unionized and staged to walk out that quickly?
19:09That's amazing
19:10Oh yeah, we unionized
19:11Then someone called the corporate headquarters
19:13And they shut down the whole place
19:14Fired everybody
19:15Oh
19:17Well, um
19:19Power to the people
19:20Fuck you
19:26Well, that's that
19:27I think we all learned a valuable lesson today about stealing movies
19:30Buy the bootleg
19:32Or just download it from the internet like everybody else
19:42Hey, can you guys wait here a sec?
19:44There's something I need to take care of
19:58No
20:00Get over
20:02No
20:03No
20:05No
20:05No
20:05No
20:05No
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