- 2 days ago
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00:01I am the stone that the builder refused, I am the visual, the inspiration, that made ladies sing the blues,
00:07I'm the spark that makes your idea bright, the same spark that lights the dark so that you can know
00:11you're left from your right, I am the ballad in your box, the bullet, in the gun, the inner glow
00:16that let you know to call your brother son, the story that just begun, the promise of what's to come,
00:20and I'ma remain a soldier till the war is won, won.
00:34Folks, we are looking at some serious temperatures today out there, how hot is it? Well, let's just say it's
00:39hot, hotter than the barrel of Dick Cheney's gun, this heat is relentless, also coming up ladies today.
00:51Nobody predicted the heat wave, but everyone seemed to be enjoying it. They say the heat makes people crazy.
01:03Hey girls. Hey, how are you there, kid? I love your flowers.
01:11Come on, everybody.
01:19Come on, everybody. What you waiting for?
01:22Oh, my hair.
01:26Riley.
01:27What?
01:27White people have pools.
01:29White people have pools.
01:30You need to work with the coach.
01:36Hey.
01:37You quit playing with that white man water, boy.
01:41And you, turn off that goddamn jungle noise.
01:45What?
01:46You heard me.
01:47Turn off that goddamn black African Congo jungle noise.
01:54Son of a bitch.
01:56I'm gonna show your little black ass you wait ahead of here.
02:00Hello?
02:019-1-1.
02:01Breaker 9-1-1.
02:039-1-1 emergency.
02:04It's Uncle Rucker.
02:06I'm on Timmy D. Lane.
02:08A little monkey is spraying water all down my esophagus and hitting my nether region.
02:12That's right, officer.
02:14That's right, officer.
02:14He will not spray me on my brand new slate that I find this in.
02:18Well, if it isn't the brave men and women of the police department, come save the day.
02:23Get out of the truck and show me some ID.
02:25ID?
02:26Oh, that's a fine idea, officer.
02:28Can't be too careful.
02:29I'm just gonna reach out of my pocket and take out my slate so I ain't one.
02:33No!
02:34If it's going to reach my place, wait!
02:36If it can't come in, that's an identity!
02:38Hey!
02:39Oh, my God, now!
02:41Please, not reach!
02:42I got Indians in my family!
02:44Seriously!
02:45I can show you all that damn!
02:47Fight the power!
02:49Fight the power!
02:50It's okay, officer.
02:51It's okay.
02:52I have a backup wallet just in case.
02:55That's where I keep my spare blockbuster card.
02:57Good!
02:58Come on!
02:58Hey, what's going on out here?
03:00Ow!
03:01Ow!
03:02Ow!
03:02I appreciate what you're doing!
03:05It was 90 degrees, and the temperature was rising.
03:14Now, honey, you sure you have enough water and a calculator?
03:18I have everything I need, Daddy.
03:20Ugh, I can't believe what happened to Ruckus.
03:23Morning, Huey.
03:25What a great day today.
03:27Whatever.
03:28Huey Freeman!
03:28You're the only person I know who can take a beautiful day like this and turn it into
03:33a problem.
03:34What's that box for?
03:35It's my soap box.
03:37If you have important things to say, you use a soap box.
03:42Sir, would you like to hear about how the government wants you dead by 62 so you can't
03:46collect on Social Security?
03:48Is that true?
03:48Yes, but lemon juice can lead to a longer, healthier life.
03:53Oh.
03:53I'll take a cup.
04:00See?
04:01You depressed him, and I had a lemonade ready to cheer him up.
04:05That's called synergy.
04:08Damn, he's hot.
04:09The police were responding to a call about a broken fire hydrant when they pulled over
04:14the suspect here on Timid Deer Lane.
04:16The officers apparently mistook the suspect's safety orange wallet for a gun and shot at
04:22him 118 times and beat him.
04:25What did I see?
04:27Well, that brings up an interesting philosophical question.
04:31Is it okay to snitch to the police?
04:34On the police.
04:35Prozac can lead to suicide.
04:38But lemonade can lead to smiles, which can cause dimples.
04:42Dimples?
04:42I'll take two.
04:46You're good for business.
04:57What's this here?
05:00Jasmine's Lemonade Parade.
05:03The E's are backwards.
05:06Interesting.
05:07Well, Jasmine, I'm a very powerful man with a very powerful thirst.
05:12What do you recommend?
05:13Lemonade!
05:14Lemonade was a popular drink in my day.
05:17And it still is.
05:19One lemonade, please.
05:21One dollar, please, Mr. Wunstler.
05:23How's business?
05:25Not good enough.
05:26I'm saving for a pony.
05:28A pony?
05:30Wow.
05:31Those can be pricey.
05:32Like, a couple hundred bucks?
05:35I know.
05:36I'm like, hey, guys, I could buy a car for that much.
05:40Talk about highway robbery.
05:43Highway robbery.
05:45You know, I raise ponies.
05:48No.
05:50Ah!
05:53Magnificent!
05:54I admire entrepreneurship in young people.
05:57You mean like them 12-year-old girls who work in your sweatshops in Indonesia?
06:00That's right.
06:02Every morning, I wake up and put one foot on the ground and the other up the ass of a
06:0612-year-old Indonesian girl.
06:08And if this country didn't have unions and child labor laws, maybe your generation would
06:14understand the value of hard work.
06:17Like this little girl here.
06:20I might have to check with my accountants, but what if I bought your stand from you right
06:27now for the price of one little pony?
06:32Wow.
06:33You must be rich.
06:35Yes, I am.
06:38I'm not saying I do have a videotape, but I'm not saying I don't either.
06:43Hypothetically speaking, how much would you pay for something like that?
06:46Well, I didn't exactly see what happened, per se.
06:50But I don't think we should jump to any conclusions.
06:53And as the assistant district attorney, I urge everyone to be calm.
06:59Have you observed anyone not being calm?
07:05No, I guess.
07:07This neighborhood is actually handling the shooting of an unarmed black man pretty well.
07:12What do you say, Jasmine?
07:14Why not make your next move your best move, huh?
07:18Deal!
07:18Make your next move your best move.
07:21My lawyers will be by with the paperwork this afternoon.
07:24See ya, partner.
07:27Why in God's name are you wearing that coat?
07:30It's 90 degrees.
07:31Bye, partner.
07:36My own pony.
07:38I'm gonna name him Sammy Davis Jr. the pony.
07:41What do you think?
07:43I think he just ripped you off.
07:45I'd expect you to say that.
07:47Pony hater.
07:49Daddy!
07:49Daddy!
07:50Guess what?
07:51But he never even paid for the lemonade.
07:59Here's the contracts for the lemonade stand.
08:02My little girl.
08:04Already selling out for the first time.
08:07I'm so proud.
08:09Now this pony, Mr. Sammy Davis Jr., will be your responsibility from now on.
08:14We'll keep him at my stables until you can get your own ranch, which I think will be pretty soon.
08:21He he he he.
08:22Thank you, Mr. Winsler.
08:24No problem.
08:25Now let's think of some ways to manipulate people emotionally so that they buy lemonade.
08:31Hmm.
08:33Those police officers look thirsty.
08:36We should invite them over for lemonade.
08:39Well, guess I should let you partners get to work.
08:43Oh, hey there, Huey.
08:48That is so not appropriate, Huey.
08:51So when do I get to see Sammy Davis Jr. the pony?
08:57When you learn how to run a respectable business.
09:01Huh?
09:02What the hell is up with this sign?
09:06What's this crude drawing supposed to be?
09:08It's the magical pony carriage.
09:12This looks like a kid drew it.
09:14Look at this.
09:16Why are all these backwards?
09:19It's supposed to be cute.
09:22You think ignorance is cute?
09:24Well, I suppose you think mental retardation is downright adorable.
09:29Lemonade, now.
09:32How is anyone supposed to believe you can make lemonade when you can't even spell it?
09:37How old are you?
09:39T-t-t-t-t-t.
09:40Too damn old to be riding your E's backwards, dammit.
09:47Squirm, little worm.
09:49What happened?
09:50It's okay, Jasmine.
09:52You don't need him.
09:53What do you mean I don't need him?
09:55Well, you're not going to let him treat you like that.
09:57What?
09:58You think ponies grow on trees?
10:00What kind of question is that?
10:01It's a large, four-legged mammal.
10:03Or maybe I'm just supposed to wait and tell him an old woman before I get my pony.
10:07How am I going to look, Huey?
10:09A 65-year-old woman riding a pony.
10:12Jasmine, he's a crook.
10:13You just want everyone to be miserable because you're miserable.
10:17And why are you wearing that stupid coat?
10:19We should go away.
10:32They say the heat makes people crazy.
10:35Oh, buck up, son.
10:37I'm sure you'll get me next time.
10:39Weatherman says it's going to be hotter tomorrow.
10:45I hope not.
10:52Folks, this heat will not let up.
10:55It is hot.
10:56And speaking of hot, Al Sharpton is hot right now.
10:58Having a big old protest.
11:00He's like, Al's angry again at something.
11:02I believe it's a cartoon this time.
11:04In fact, he was supposed to have...
11:11I want these tables cleaned every hour on the hour.
11:15Now where's my money?
11:19Well, don't stand there.
11:21Lemonade ain't gonna make itself.
11:23If I see a single thirsty person on this block,
11:26they better be broke.
11:31It's gonna be hot today.
11:35A press conference was held at Jasmine's lemonade stand
11:38to announce Ruckus had settled with the police department.
11:41He turned down a seven-figure settlement offer.
11:44In fact, all Ruckus asked for was to fulfill a childhood dream.
11:48Of being a police officer.
11:52So help me God.
11:55Congratulations, Officer Uncle Ruckus.
12:01You know, people been asking me if I'm upset about what happened yesterday.
12:08I say no.
12:09Ruckus is not upset.
12:11Because the swift and measured response of these officers
12:15is a fine example of my tax dollars hard at work.
12:19And I just want you all to know that I hope to live up to the fine example of those
12:25men.
12:26And I hope to harass and beat each and every black person I see with extreme prejudice.
12:31That's a totally great idea.
12:34That's great.
12:35Yeah.
12:36Thank you very much.
12:37I'm glad you filled me on that sentiment.
12:40Now, let's enjoy some delicious lemonade from this little mixed breed girl.
12:45That's an order from Officer Ruckus.
12:48Oh, my real.
12:50That's right, Bob.
12:51I'm standing on Timid Deer Lane in Woodcrest,
12:54where one little girl has turned the lemon of shocking police brutality into lemonade.
13:01Woodcrest isn't a place where people dwell in the past
13:04and focus on the negative like who shot at who a hundred and eighteen times,
13:10or who cracked who's ribcage.
13:12That's all media hype.
13:14Mighty.
13:15We resolved our differences the old-fashioned way.
13:19Over a cool glass of lemonade.
13:22We just want everyone to know that this was not racially motivated.
13:27Everyone is welcome to come to Woodcrest.
13:29Including the African-Americans.
13:31Just don't stay too long, Darkies.
13:35Just kidding.
13:37Not really.
13:42And you told me from here.
13:44And now I'm not going to leave.
13:44Oh, whatever.
13:45No, if you want to leave.
13:46Let's see.
13:49I'm gonna...
13:50I'll take two small lemonades with ice,
13:53two small lemonades without ice,
13:54three large lemonades,
13:55one with ice,
13:56one with no ice,
13:57one with crushed ice.
13:58You guys have, uh...
14:00Mmm.
14:01Mmm.
14:03Mmm.
14:04That's all I got.
14:07Lemonade is a dollar.
14:08That's all I got!
14:09Make it work, I'm thirsty!
14:11Lemonade is a dollar!
14:13I ain't got no dollar!
14:14It's how they scale out here, man!
14:16Just hook me up!
14:17All the money I spent up in this place,
14:19there's some old bullshit!
14:22Lemonade is a dollar!
14:25Mmm.
14:28Do you guys have anything other than lemonade?
14:31Jasmine, this is stupid.
14:33You're being exploited.
14:34You'll never get anywhere in this world
14:36without doing a fair day's work
14:38for a fair day's pay.
14:41Jasmine, Ed's never gonna give you that pony!
14:44Next!
14:46Peaches, I think it's time you come inside.
14:48Can't talk, Dad.
14:49Making lemonade.
14:50Come on, honey.
14:51I want you inside now.
14:53I've been waiting 20 minutes for this lemonade!
14:55I'm thirsty!
14:56What's the problem?
14:58Mr. Once-ler,
14:59you know, yesterday I thought this was cute,
15:02but don't you think you guys are taking this a little far?
15:05Jasmine can leave whenever she wants,
15:09but Sammy Davis Jr., the pony, will have to be put down.
15:13What?!
15:14He's your pony now.
15:16Your percentage was supposed to pay for his food and upkeep.
15:20Now, he'll starve to death in a puddle of his own feces.
15:25Aaaaaaah!
15:26Oh, come on, Mr. Once-ler!
15:29I-I don't wanna leave, Mr. Once-ler!
15:32Please, Daddy, don't make me leave!
15:36There you have it.
15:37You know the name of the game.
15:38Your daughter chose me.
15:40Now, we can handle this like some gentleman,
15:43or we can get into some old gangster shit.
15:46The crowd will not, you know, let me get off the front.
15:49Okay, best of luck, honey!
15:53This heat will not stop!
15:55This portion of the program is sponsored by
15:57Jazma's Lemonade Parade,
15:59a subsidiary of Whatchler Food Incorporated.
16:01Oh, Whatchler, that's good!
16:05Look at your mouth.
16:08Hello.
16:10Hi.
16:11My legs are...
16:19Hey, kid!
16:20Huh?
16:21Wake up!
16:22Some of us have to work for a living!
16:25Oh, not another day.
16:34Help!
16:38We're gonna shut down this lemonade stand
16:41and liberate that little girl!
16:44Yeah!
16:45Right on, man!
16:47Stop in the name of the law.
16:49Just what the hell y'all think y'all doing here?
16:52Yeah, quit making trouble!
16:54We're thirsty!
16:55Get lost!
16:55Let's get them!
16:58Yeah!
17:00Release the children!
17:02Let them run free!
17:03Let them run free, man!
17:04What the hell are you doing?
17:06We're protesting!
17:07Quit playing!
17:08Let's shut it down!
17:09This will shut it down!
17:10Yeah!
17:11Just very slowly and peacefully!
17:13We're gonna liberate that girl one of these days!
17:17Even if it's not in our lifetimes!
17:19Right?
17:20Who's with me?
17:21Why don't you leave me alone?
17:23I don't want your help!
17:24Oh, Ken!
17:25There is no pony!
17:27There is, too!
17:28He has a white tail!
17:30I found a picture!
17:31Look!
17:34Oh!
17:36Ponies!
17:37Ponies!
17:38Ponies!
17:39Oh my gosh!
17:40Look at the mane!
17:42Oh!
17:43Oh my gosh!
17:44Ladies and gentlemen!
17:45It has been brought to my attention that Jasmine's Lemonade Parade has been using child labor!
17:52Obviously, this comes as a great surprise to me!
17:55So I present to you...
17:58Wunceler's Cruelty-Free Lemonade!
18:02It's lemonade, but without the biting sting of injustice!
18:06Its lack of cruelty makes it look delicious!
18:08And I know it's cruelty-free, because he said so!
18:11And it's on the label!
18:14Sammy!
18:15I'm coming!
18:17Ow!
18:18Please let me through!
18:20Ow!
18:22Please move!
18:23Ow!
18:25Ow!
18:26Mr. Wunceler, let me see my pony!
18:31Your pony?
18:32You better check the contract, young lady!
18:34Wunceler's deal with Jasmine advanced her one $213 pony against a five-point royalty,
18:41which gave her five cents of every cup sold.
18:44That meant Jasmine had to sell 4,260 cups of lemonade before the pony was actually hers.
18:51She, in fact, sold 4,376 cups!
18:56But, what Jasmine hadn't calculated was the cost of her new stand, marketing and promotion, the lemons, cups, umbrellas, straws,
19:05and the gas to drive Wunceler back and forth from the stand all came out of her 5%.
19:11Jasmine not only didn't get her pony, she ended up about $300 in debt to Ed Wunceler.
19:18You know, Ms. Dubois, I sunk a lot of money into this business.
19:21I gave you an opportunity.
19:23But that's just not good enough for you, is it?
19:25You wanted a handout.
19:27I just want my pony!
19:29I've never seen anyone so ungrateful.
19:32This partnership is over!
19:34Sammy Davis Jr., the pony, belongs to me now!
19:37No!
19:38Don't take Sammy!
19:40I'm sorry!
19:41I won't be ungrateful!
19:45Hey!
19:46Cry about your failed dreams on your own time!
19:48We want lemonade!
19:49What's taking so long?
19:51Hey!
19:52Give us some of that cruelty-free stuff!
19:54Hey, man!
19:55Fuck y'all!
19:56Get your own!
19:57Today is time to stop singing and stop swinging.
20:04Maybe the heat does make people crazy.
20:13Before you know it, crazy becomes normal.
20:19Ha ha ha!
20:20Get your black ass out of here!
20:22Get out of here right now!
20:24What's wrong?
20:25Huh?
20:26Gun!
20:27Huh?
20:28Ow!
20:28Ow!
20:29Excellent use of a baton, officer!
20:31Ow!
20:32Ow!
20:33Ow!
20:38What?
20:43But, sanity eventually returns.
20:46And when it does, you better have your coat.
20:52I'm so sorry.
20:54It's bad.
20:54That was really lame.
20:56Use your guitar.
20:57I don't know.
20:59If you really think about it.
21:00It's so stupid.
21:01It's so scary.
21:06It's so scary.
21:08It's so scary.
21:12Yeah.
21:16I shouldn't have taken that nap.
21:26Have I ever told you about Jasmine's hot chocolate explosion?
21:31It will be a delivery service for hot chocolate.
21:33I can charge a delivery fee and get tips.
21:36Move along.
21:36Move along.
21:37There's nothing to see here.
21:40Oh, unicorn.
21:41We understand.
21:41Yeah.
21:47That's like the music part is grown.
21:48Yeah.
21:52Yeah.
21:58I can do it.
22:01Well...
22:01Oh, yeah.
22:01That's hot.
22:02I can't do it.
22:02It's hot.
22:03I can't do it.
22:03So fast with the music,
22:04I can do it.
22:06There, here.
22:09Oh, yeah.
22:10I'll see you next time.
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