- 2 days ago
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00:01I am the stone that the builder refused
00:04I am the visual, the inspiration
00:05That made ladies sing the blues
00:07I'm the spark that makes your idea bright
00:08The same spark that lights the dark
00:10So that you can know you're left from your right
00:12I am the ballad in your box
00:13The bullet in the gun, the inner glow
00:15That let you know to call your brother son
00:17The story that just begun, the promise of what's to come
00:19And I'ma remain a soldier till the war is won
00:34Okay, ready?
00:41None for me, thanks
00:42Tom, I think you can have a second glass on your anniversary
00:45I'm driving, sweetie-poo
00:46I don't think one more glass of wine will kill you
00:50You know, driving under the influence of alcohol could kill me
00:52Or you, or somebody's baby
00:54Worse yet, I'd spend the next 20 years in jail being anally raped
00:57Yeah, let's talk more about your violated rectum
01:00Oh, I find it so romantic
01:02Hey, I'm just saying
01:05So, no wine then?
01:07No, thank you
01:26Ah, now that's what I like to see
01:31Sarah's smile
01:34No, honey, don't sing
01:35Oh, won't you smile a while for me?
01:38Um, Tom
01:39Tom, people are looking
01:40When you feel cold
01:42Tom, please
01:43I want you
01:45Honey, honey, maybe this isn't the best place to be singing
01:47And when you feel you can't go on
01:50I'll come and hold you
01:53Yay, all done
01:55Hey, and me
01:56Tom, come on
01:59Good
02:00Sarah!
02:02Yay!
02:04Oh, my God
02:06What is it, honey?
02:08Wait, is that Usher?
02:10Yes!
02:11Oh, my God
02:12He's coming over!
02:14I can't believe this
02:16Oh, you hit the table
02:17Hey, how you doing, bae?
02:20Hi, Mr. Usher
02:22I, I can't believe it's you
02:25I'm Sarah
02:28You have a beautiful smile, Sarah
02:29Sarah, smile
02:32Woo!
02:34Oh, won't you smile a while for me?
02:36I love the song
02:36Sarah
02:41Oh, wonderful
02:42Thank you
02:43Oh, my God
02:45That was beautiful
02:47This is what I do
02:48Oh, um, this is, uh, Tom
02:51Yes, I'm Tom
02:53Just Tom
02:54Hey, how you doing?
02:57You are so interesting
02:59You're interesting
03:01If you don't mind me asking
03:03Where did you learn to dance like that?
03:04Oh, yeah, I've never seen anyone dance like Michael Jackson before
03:07Well, I've been dancing for as long as I can remember
03:09But it's not just the music
03:10I have seen all of your movies
03:12Really?
03:12Even Light It Up?
03:13I loved Light It Up
03:15I named my dog Light It Up
03:16Girl, please
03:17My mama wouldn't even see Light It Up
03:18Oh, you're so funny
03:19And she's my manager
03:19I'm gonna talk to your mom
03:20Oh, you know she on my stage
03:21Get your email address
03:21I'll call her
03:23Are you a natural dog?
03:25You are so funny
03:26Okay, one more
03:27Please, we gotta get one more
03:29Look at that one
03:30Let's go get some fresh air
03:32Yeah, it'll be good for my vocals
03:33Sorry, man
03:34I'm ticklish
03:34I'm gonna tickle you again
03:36Wouldn't let that shit happen to me, though
03:38You rolling with us
03:43And this is where I put the rabbit ears behind his head
03:46See, honey?
03:47Yes, yes, I see the ears
03:50Don't you think your behavior might have been the slightest bit inappropriate?
03:54Oh, stop being insecure
03:56You were flirting
03:57He asked me to send him the pictures
03:59Tom, you know I'm a big Usher fan
04:00So is Jasmine, which makes sense because she's ten
04:03What's that supposed to mean?
04:05It means you're a tiny bit old to be acting like some screaming TRL groupie
04:10Stop the car
04:11Now, now, we won't have any of that
04:13Just calm down
04:14Stop the car!
04:27Uh, are you mad?
04:33Usher?
04:34Pfft
04:35That dick is my age
04:37So you guys don't think I'm overreacting?
04:40I don't think so
04:40You're a big-time lawyer
04:42And Sarah's acting all crazy over an Usher
04:44Not an Usher
04:45Usher
04:46He's a singer
04:47Usher's ain't supposed to sing
04:48You can't hear the movie
04:49I finished cleaning the storm drain for you, Robert
04:52Oh, what's wrong?
04:53Tom's wife is cheating on him with a singing Usher
04:56Oh, I didn't say she was cheating
04:58Oh, Lord, Lord
04:59How did you end up with that white woman anyway?
05:01I say toss her groupie ass out the window
05:03And let that whole stargaze from outside
05:05Now, Riley
05:06There's never a place for violence in a relationship
05:09There just seemed to be a place at the restaurant last night
05:12She made you look like a bitch in front of Usher
05:15Boy, watch your mouth
05:16Probably started out charitable
05:17She took you in, was probably teaching you how to read
05:20But granddad, she did make Mr. Dubois look like a bitch
05:23Yeah, we all know she made Tom look like a bitch
05:25We found a different way to say it
05:26Next thing you know, you rubbing against that silky white skin
05:30But I don't know the non-cursed way to say he got bitch
05:33Humiliated, castrated, vasculated
05:35Oh, all right, all right, I get the point
05:36I mean, I could see if it was a real nigga
05:39If you lost your hoe to T.I., I'd be like, hey, that's T.I.
05:43But Usher, you better check that hoe, Mr. Dubois
05:47You know what? You guys are right
05:48I'm gonna go back there and put her in check
05:51For example, how many white women wanna go to a basketball game
05:55Just to see the game come back with one of them NBA niggas
05:58Out of sympathy
05:58She came to see the game
06:00She wanted to be entertained
06:02Oh, the white woman's got a big heart
06:05Lord, she's got a big heart
06:20Is your granddad home?
06:24Granddad!
06:25Mr. Dubois is at the door
06:26Oh my god, he was a bitch
06:30Well, Tom, I'm sorry to hear about the split
06:31I would love to let you crash it
06:33But I just don't know where you would stay
06:35Maybe the guest room?
06:38Who told him about the guest room?
06:42Thank you so much, Robert
06:44See, boy, see why I tell you marriage is bad
06:47I don't care what nobody say
06:48I ain't never getting married
06:54Statistically speaking, it was bound to fail anyway
07:00But I don't understand
07:02Why?
07:04See, it's burning me to hold on to this
07:08I know this is something I gotta do
07:11But that don't mean I want to
07:15Sarah
07:15What I'm trying to say is that
07:16I love you
07:18It's just
07:20I feel like this is coming to an end
07:23It's coming to an end
07:25And it's better for me to
07:27Let it go now
07:29And hold on, it hurts you
07:32I gotta let it burn
07:34It's gonna burn for me to say this
07:37But it's coming from my heart
07:38It's been a long time coming
07:40But we didn't fall apart
07:42I really wanna work this out
07:44But I don't think you're gonna change
07:46I do, but you don't
07:48Think it's best we go our separate ways
07:50Tell me why
07:52I should stay in this relationship
07:55When I'm hurting, baby
07:57I ain't happy, baby
07:59There's so many other things
08:01I've gotta deal with
08:03I think that you should
08:06Let it burn
08:07Oh
08:09Party, you know
08:12You gotta let it go
08:13Cause I'll party
08:14Jumping like you used to
08:16Even though this might bruise you
08:19Let it burn
08:21Let it burn
08:23Deep down, you know it's best
08:25For yourself, but you
08:27Hate the thought of a being with someone
08:30Hard
08:35Being with someone else
08:37But you know that it's over
08:39We know that it's you
08:41Let it burn
08:43Gotta let it burn
08:45Gotta let it burn
08:48Hello
08:48It's Sarah
08:50How are you, baby?
08:52You're still taking Jasmine to her recital practice at three, right?
08:56Yes
08:57What?
08:58What is that in the background?
09:00Are you doing the music video thing again?
09:03Gotta go, honey, bye
09:04Too many days
09:06Too many hours
09:07I'm still burning
09:08Till you return
09:11Till you return
09:14You see my chest
09:16Oh
09:17Even though this might bruise you
09:20Let it burn
09:21Let it burn
09:24Let it burn
09:28Oh
09:30Let it burn
09:32Let it burn
09:33It's burning
09:35Boo
09:37Hey, Tom
09:38Shut the fuck up
09:39Boy, watch your mouth
09:40Tom, shut the fuck up
09:44Sorry
09:44I'm so cold
09:54Could be worse
09:56Could have been a Marion
10:00Thank you for that perspective, Huey
10:03No problem
10:05And so I said
10:06I ain't paying for dinner and a movie woman
10:08You must have lost your damn mind
10:09Shoot, I don't care if you are Eva Mendes
10:11Wait
10:12What was the question?
10:14Hmm
10:15So this is the message you want to send to the young youth out here like myself
10:19Just trying to do the right thing and not love these hoes, huh?
10:22What's all this?
10:23Is this what's hot right now in the streets?
10:25That's what's really hood, huh?
10:27Off of some white girl who left you for an R&B dancing ass, sexy, flexy ass nigga?
10:32And so, sweetie
10:34That's why Daddy is staying over at the Freeman's house
10:37So Mommy can have her space
10:39So you're not getting a divorce?
10:41Oh, no, sweetie
10:45So, Usher won't be my new daddy?
10:47What?
10:48No
10:49That's ridiculous
10:50Oh
10:51Are you sure?
10:53Maybe just for a little while?
10:54I mean, you like it here, don't you, Daddy?
10:57This is a pretty good-sized room
11:00Well, I don't know what we're going to do, but we've got to do
11:02Shh, here he comes
11:04Guys, I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay here
11:07I know it's been an inconvenience
11:09Not at all, Tom
11:10You take as much time as you need
11:16We've got to do whatever it takes to get him the hell up out here
11:18Ooh, I got an idea
11:21Hey, Tom
11:22Tom, get down here
11:26Uh, what's going on, guys?
11:35Uh, Mr. Dubois
11:36My name is a pimp named Slickback
11:39And this, sir, is an intervention
11:40An intervention?
11:41Your friends have reason to believe
11:43That you are suffering from chronic bitch dependency, Mr. Dubois
11:46May I call you Tom?
11:47Is this some kind of joke?
11:49Tom
11:49Bitch dependency is no laughing matter
11:52Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends
11:55Your health
11:56And, scary enough, even your money
11:57It's a disease, Tom
11:59Wait
11:59What was your name again?
12:01Well, thank you for asking
12:02My name is a pimp named Slickback
12:05Wait
12:05A pimp?
12:07Named Slickback, yes
12:08Please say the whole thing, if you would
12:10Yes, that includes the a pimp named part
12:13Yes, Tom
12:14Every time
12:15Look, Mr. A pimp named Slickback
12:17No need for the mister
12:18I don't think I need any help from someone like you
12:21And by someone like me
12:24You mean a pimp?
12:26A bad guy?
12:27Look, I'm not trying to insult you
12:29I just don't approve of what you people do to women
12:31Oh
12:33So I'm wrong
12:34So I'm messed up
12:35Well, which one of us is the one missing a bitch, Tom?
12:38You don't see me running around looking for a bitch
12:40I know where all my bitches are
12:42Thank you very much
12:44Bitch, where you at?
12:46I'm out here getting your money
12:48That's what the hell I thought
12:49Thank you, Grandma
12:51Now look at you
12:52Bitchless
12:53Sans Beach
12:54As the French in France would say
12:56I've had enough
12:57I'm going back upstairs
12:58Tom
12:59Tom
12:59When we first let you stay here
13:01We thought it was only going to be temporary
13:03But damn
13:04Tom, I just don't see any end in sight
13:07It's only been two days
13:08Bigger hush
13:08You're living under my roof now
13:10If you stay here, you're going to get some help
13:11You know what?
13:12I know a great therapist
13:13I'll make an appointment today
13:15That also would have been a good idea
13:18But we've already paid Mr. Pimp named Slickback a retainer of $2,500
13:23Robert, you shouldn't have
13:25With your credit card
13:27Oh
13:29Did you know that scientists now believe that some people are actually born with a genetic predisposition to bitch dependency,
13:38Tom?
13:38And exactly when did you become a relationship counselor?
13:40Well, sharing this pimp knowledge for an exorbitant fee is my way of giving something back to the community, Tom
13:45I want to help you, Tom, I do
13:47But I need you to help me help you
13:51Huh
13:52Help me help you
13:54Yeah, okay
13:54Now, tell me if you would about this bitch
13:57You have an unhealthy dependency on
13:59Could we please not call her a bitch?
14:01Bitch
14:02Say it, bitch
14:02Yeah, I guess
14:04We've got to call her that, Tom
14:05I'm sorry
14:06After what she's done
14:07Not calling her a bitch would be disrespectful to you
14:09And I'm not able to do that
14:11Now, please continue, Tom
14:12Well, my wife, Sarah
14:14I mean, she's the best woman in the world
14:17We've had a great life together until now
14:21Blue eyes
14:26Baby's got blue eyes
14:32Like a deep blue sea
14:39On a blue, blue day
14:49It sounds to me, Tom
14:51Like some of the passion has gone out of your marriage
14:54And perhaps you're not providing enough excitement for it
14:57It's a normal thing in long-term relationships
14:59And you can help me fix it?
15:01Hell no
15:02I'm gonna help you make that bitch behave
15:03She wants excitement
15:05She can take her ass to the movies
15:16Did you know that at least 75% of bitches suffer from some kind of hearing loss?
15:20This alarming statistic means that more likely than not, talking isn't the most effective way to communicate with a bitch
15:27That's when you have to hit her
15:29Whoa, what?
15:30You tell her what you want her to do
15:32If she say no, hit the bitch
15:33Simple
15:34But I...
15:34I couldn't hit Sarah
15:36I couldn't hit any woman
15:37Has not hitting the bitch been working?
15:40I mean, scientifically speaking
15:41Has not hitting the bitch achieved the desired results?
15:44No way
15:45I just...
15:46I can't
15:47I couldn't
15:48Tom
15:48I won't
15:48Tom, Tom
15:49Take a deep breath
15:50It's okay
15:50People have phobias
15:52Some niggas can't cross bridges
15:54You can't go upside a bitch's head
15:56Okay
15:57We can beat this
15:58Tom
15:59This is my bottom bitch sweetest, Taboo
16:02Now she's gonna help you learn how to reestablish dominance at home
16:06Hello
16:07Taboo will be playing the role of your wife
16:10Now
16:10Approach Taboo
16:11Grab her arm firmly
16:13And command her to leave with you
16:14Okay
16:16Sarah
16:16Get your behind
16:18Stop, stop
16:19Say bitch
16:19Do I have to call her a bitch?
16:21Really?
16:21Yes, Tom
16:22You have to call her a bitch
16:24Trust me on this one
16:25I've done the research
16:26Now try again
16:30Bitch
16:30Get your behind
16:32Ass
16:35Bitch
16:36Get your ass in the car
16:38Kiss my ass
16:38You little dick
16:39Faggot
16:40Motherfucker
16:40If you was any kind of real man
16:42I wouldn't be here with Usher
16:43In the first place
16:45Wait, hold on
16:46I don't think that's what Sarah would say
16:47It's now tragically obvious
16:49That reasoning with the bitch
16:51Is not gonna work, Tom
16:52You have to hit her
16:53I'm an assistant district attorney
16:55For Christ's sake
16:56Tom
16:56You have to get past this
16:58It's okay, faggot
16:59Really?
17:00See, faggot
17:01She just gave you permission
17:03You see that?
17:04Bitch has no problem hitting you
17:06All right, lady
17:06Okay, look at
17:07You're definitely allowed by law
17:09To hit an out-time
17:10It's self-defense
17:10Okay?
17:11Sweetest that boo
17:12You are in rare form
17:16This is my state-of-the-art surveillance center
17:19Why does a pimp need a surveillance center?
17:21Included in your retainer fee
17:23Is state-of-the-art bitch surveillance
17:24Quiet Storm here has been monitoring
17:26Your wife's conversations and emails
17:28Daddy, I've got transcripts
17:29Of all her conversations today
17:30No mention of Usher
17:31I'm hacking into her email now
17:33But this computer is running a bit slow
17:36Perhaps if we didn't have dial-up
17:38Bitch, don't start with that
17:39We need another computer shit again
17:41You say that shit every time
17:42A new iMac comes out
17:43You ain't slick
17:44You better make that
17:45Deep-board work, bitch
17:46And stop playing with me
17:47Yes, daddy
17:49Nothing in the email
17:50Does she have a MySpace page?
17:52MySpace?
17:53I don't think Sarah would have it
17:55Found it
17:56Huh
17:57Since when did she have a MySpace page?
17:59You know what her password might be?
18:01Oh, gosh golly
18:03We usually use each other's middle names
18:05As passwords
18:05So mine would be Lancaster
18:07That's L-A-N
18:08Got it
18:08Password is Usher
18:10Here we go
18:10Message to Usher
18:12Looks like they're getting together
18:13At 3 o'clock at the Woodcrest Chateau Hotel
18:14That's in an hour
18:16We have to go
18:17You have to take me
18:18Tom, if you're not ready to take control
18:20Then going there won't help
18:21I say let the bitch go
18:23I paid you $2,000 and $500 as well
18:26Now, Tom, I hope you can appreciate
18:28Our no refunds policy
18:30How about a complimentary date
18:31With sweet as taboo?
18:32No, no, no
18:33You're still on retainer
18:35And we're going now
18:38Oh, now the nigga can get some bass in his voice
18:42Yeah, bitch
18:43Let's go
18:57There they are
19:03Remember to hit the bitch
19:04Right
19:05Thank you so much for doing that
19:07It just went above and beyond
19:09I mean, really
19:10Sarah?
19:11I mean, bitch
19:13Get your ass in the car
19:17Excuse me, Dolomite
19:19You heard me, biatch
19:22Tom, please calm down and let me go
19:30Hey, look, man
19:32I think you should calm down
19:37You can't help my wife
19:40Tom!
19:42Daddy!
19:43What did you do to Usher?
19:45Jasmine?
19:46Daddy!
19:47Leave Usher alone!
19:48What are you doing?
19:51Why are you trying to kill Usher?
19:53Yes
19:54What did Usher ever do to you?
19:54Yes, Superfly
19:55Jasmine wanted to meet Usher
19:57You're an animal!
19:58Is Usher okay?
20:00So you're not?
20:02No
20:03Easy, boys
20:04No
20:06Wait, don't, don't hurt him
20:10You thought you were dancing
20:11I thought you were dancing
20:12You thought you were dancing
20:14I thought you were dancing
20:15You didn't mean it
20:16You didn't mean it
20:17I thought you were dancing
20:18I never found a bunch of me
20:22I'm sorry
20:24Usher!
20:24Shut the fuck up, huh?
20:26Kid0
20:27No
20:28Yes
20:41No
20:42No
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