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00:24Oh
00:3390% of it is a wonderful, relaxing experience, with just 10% assault.
00:39Woo-hoo!
00:42We're here, baby.
00:43Most travelers avoid bad reviews.
00:46Let's see what the review says.
00:47One star.
00:48One star.
00:48One star.
00:49I've never seen anything more stupid.
00:50If I could give it zero stars, I would.
00:52But not us.
00:53I'm a woman in a man's world.
00:55I make up my own mind.
00:56I'm Sarah Pascoe.
00:58I'm brilliant at this.
00:59I'm Roisin Conaty.
01:01Come on, fishy, fishy.
01:02We're comedians, but more importantly, best friends.
01:06As someone who has received bad reviews, I will always try to look to the good.
01:09So we're turning the tables on the review sites.
01:12They were so busy typing in their phone moaning that they forgot to look out.
01:15And visiting places based on the worst reviews.
01:18I'm Clones, so it's nothing to be afraid of.
01:21My review is 100 stars.
01:23But will this Journey of Salvation be a five-star funfest?
01:27I'm an absolute killer!
01:28Yes!
01:30Yes!
01:30Or are we in for a holiday from hell?
01:33Yes!
01:38Yes!
01:41Yes!
01:45Yes!
01:48Cosmology is drinking France!營conom
01:53Istanbul, baby!
01:54That's absolutely excellent,
01:55isn't it? It's got a lot
01:57going on. It smells delicious. Hello!
02:01I would like to eat some lovely Turkish food.
02:05Am I getting helim?
02:06You betcha.
02:06Am I getting suzuk?
02:07You betcha.
02:08Am I getting Ashkender?
02:09You betcha.
02:09I'm going to get run over.
02:11Am I going to get run over?
02:12You betcha.
02:16Over 18 million tourists per year travel to Istanbul,
02:20the only major city in the world that straddles two continents,
02:24Asia and Europe.
02:26Which one online reviewer says is smelly, packed,
02:29and gave her husband food poisoning.
02:31So we're here to find out if she's right.
02:33We've got reviews, optimism and a jumbo pack of Imodium.
02:39So what's the name of the hotel?
02:41Elite.
02:43It's like a comedy show.
02:44We're home.
02:45That's great.
02:46I'm going to love it.
02:47Only we were not laughing.
02:49I don't like my gigs.
02:51We're staying at the Elite World Hotel.
02:54And at first glance, it looks luxurious.
02:57Opulent, in fact.
02:59But we're here because this five-star hotel has a secret.
03:05Oh, the lobby looks nice.
03:07Is that reassuring?
03:11I think this is stunning.
03:13It is pretty.
03:15Very five-star-y.
03:16Yeah, glamour.
03:19Oh.
03:21Oh.
03:22Oh, oh.
03:23Yeah.
03:30They've all had hair transplants.
03:32Yeah.
03:33Gross.
03:34What's that stare?
03:37It's a hair transplant hotel.
03:38Imagine you come on your honeymoon.
03:42All the vans are for the clinic.
03:44What have you signed me up for?
03:46This isn't me.
03:47I'm anti-plastic surgery.
03:48This isn't me.
03:49I think you're all beautiful as you are.
03:52Not you.
03:53You've made the right...
03:56Plastic surgery, in terms of beauty treatments, is probably one of the biggest tourist attractions
04:01in Istanbul.
04:02And the hotel we're staying at has got loads of people who are ostensibly on holiday, have
04:08come from other countries to get hair transplants, to get all different kinds of surgery.
04:13In fact, hair transplants make up half of Turkey's medical tourism industry, worth over $1 billion a year.
04:21That's a lot of cash sloshing around.
04:23Speaking of sloshing around, we're off to Istanbul's legendary waterway, the Bosphorus.
04:29The only time I've ever missed a flight was in Istanbul.
04:31Left the hotel five hours before my flight and wasn't even close to making it.
04:35Taxi driver gave me a packet of cigarettes to ease the stress.
04:38Start smoking.
04:40You're never going to make your plane.
04:41You're going to live here and you're going to smoke.
04:44Sometimes you don't move for up to 20 minutes and up.
04:47That's not even the worst part.
04:48The constant honking while nothing is moving is.
04:51Well, we've not heard any honking.
04:52It's all been very civilised.
04:54There's the honking.
04:56Wow, guys.
04:57You manifested it.
04:59That is...
05:00What you focus on, Frostburs.
05:02Now you point it out, everyone's honking.
05:04Let's get the honking on.
05:04I've just not noticed before.
05:07Everyone's honking 24-7.
05:09OK.
05:09How did I not notice that?
05:11It's a honk-off.
05:12It's a honk-off.
05:13This place be honking.
05:15Thankfully, I've got a more peaceful way of getting around the sights.
05:21Water bikes on the Bosphorus.
05:23Yep.
05:23That sounds fun.
05:24Isn't it?
05:25Beautiful open water.
05:27You seem to be skipping over the word water bikes.
05:29What I'm really hoping to get out of it is 45 minutes of seeing all the best parts of Istanbul.
05:34I've done it.
05:34Tick it off the list.
05:42Hello.
05:43Hello.
05:43Hello.
05:44We're here to do the water bikes?
05:45Yes.
05:46And this is not like a normal bicycle.
05:48You are doing back, and this boat is going back.
05:51And you are doing forward.
05:52This boat goes forward.
05:54That's easy, right?
05:54And this is like that.
05:56I'll take your photos with your phone.
05:57It's very sunshine photos.
05:59Totally 45 minutes.
06:00Has anyone ever fallen in the water?
06:02No.
06:02I believe that we could be the first people to fall in ever off a water bike in the Bosphorus.
06:07Yes.
06:07I've never seen anything like this.
06:09It's a bike.
06:12It's a boat.
06:13And it's a decking for your back garden.
06:16When I first saw the bike, I thought, oh, yeah, it's just an ironing board on a lilo.
06:21You should go first, and she's come to be outside, OK?
06:25OK.
06:25You're leading.
06:26I don't know if that's the best other plan.
06:28Oh, OK.
06:29Don't.
06:29I'd rather not be out on my own.
06:30OK.
06:31All right.
06:31Are you OK?
06:32Yep.
06:33OK.
06:33Roshin, right behind you.
06:35OK.
06:35Careful, Sarah.
06:36Careful.
06:36Why?
06:37I'm not about to crash into you.
06:38Imagine if we drove cars, Roshin.
06:41How dangerous the roads would be.
06:43I'm backing up.
06:44Oh, OK.
06:45It's one of the dirtiest waterways in the world.
06:47So the jeopardy of falling in is more than it's ever been.
06:51It's time to get out of this canal and onto the Bosphorus, if we can.
06:56There's a big boat coming.
06:58OK, you should be.
06:59We've got right of way because we're basically pedestrian.
07:02You should go left.
07:03Left?
07:04This way?
07:04Ma'am.
07:05Left.
07:06Left?
07:06Go left.
07:07I have to let the boat past?
07:08Yeah.
07:09I'm making a TV programme.
07:11It should wait for me.
07:12I don't think it's that relaxing.
07:14Do you not feel relaxed?
07:15No, and there's a canoe coming towards me as well.
07:18I've got a boat and a canoe.
07:20We're just drifting.
07:21We're just drifting embarrassingly.
07:23There's another boat.
07:24There's loads of boats.
07:25Oh, no.
07:26Now we're going to stop doing it.
07:27No, we shouldn't be going down here.
07:29But I'm going to have to back out.
07:30Oh, Roshin.
07:31Right.
07:31I'm backing out.
07:32I'm backing out.
07:33Of course it's not safe.
07:33Don't crash into the back of me.
07:34And this boat's about to hit us.
07:36I don't know my left from right.
07:37Can you tell him I don't know my left from right?
07:39All of a sudden, it was rush hour.
07:41You are about to hit a canoe.
07:42You're going to hit a canoe.
07:43Sorry, I can't avoid you, canoe.
07:46Hellish.
07:47Hellish.
07:48It's hellish.
07:49I think the key is to go fast and make people avoid us.
07:53I'm happy here.
07:55Rosh, I'm on the open water.
07:57Catch me up.
07:58There's a canoe.
08:00Can someone help me?
08:02Wait, wait, wait, wait.
08:03There's a canoe and a boat.
08:05I can't even see you, Roshin.
08:08I'm coming back for you.
08:09I'm turning as fast as I can.
08:12There's a fast boat coming.
08:14I mean...
08:14I'm turning as fast as I can.
08:18Sarah, this is the worst.
08:23Maybe this way's better.
08:25Is this way better?
08:26Back and right.
08:27Right.
08:28I don't know my right from left.
08:30I can't see anything.
08:31There's another bloody ship coming.
08:33It's going to be the side.
08:34What are the rules of the water?
08:36No problem.
08:37Sarah, at least you've got some action.
08:38I've been parked up for most of it.
08:40Come on, join the fun.
08:41It's just dodging boats.
08:42I keep trying to, and I keep getting bullied back in.
08:44Careful.
08:45You're going to squish me.
08:46We did struggle to command the water.
08:48Have you ever tried to drive an ironing board?
08:50I'm coming, Sarah.
08:51Come.
08:54Where is she?
08:56Where is she?
08:58Where's my friend?
09:01It's like a spin class.
09:03A hellish spin class.
09:05It's like SoulCycle with Jeopardy.
09:08Ma'am, you should do it back.
09:10Do it back.
09:11You again.
09:13You're very bossy.
09:14Me and Ibo, our guide, fell out right from the beginning, really.
09:18Call me Madam.
09:19Madam's my mother.
09:21And, yeah, just telling me right, left, backwards, forwards.
09:24I don't respond well to alpha males.
09:27I'm in a woman in a man's world.
09:29I make up my own mind.
09:31Right, this is it.
09:32The open water, Roisin.
09:34This is why we came on holiday.
09:36Oh, my God.
09:37Roisin, it's the sea.
09:39Finally, we've made it to the Bosphorus.
09:42You get down the end and it's really beautiful.
09:44It is, you get to the main waterway and it's open water and you're on an ironing board.
09:51And you feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway.
09:53You're like, I shouldn't be allowed out here.
09:59The time has come to ironing board our way to some Byzantine history.
10:04So, there was a moment where it did get really good.
10:08I got to the end of the waterway.
10:10I could see the expanse of the rippling blue ocean.
10:18It's about to get amazing.
10:22Turn it back.
10:23My time was up.
10:24I had to turn around and come back.
10:25Saying turn back.
10:26What do you want us to do?
10:28OK, so we've mainly had a tour of the canal.
10:31We haven't made it to the UNESCO World Heritage Sites.
10:34But we have seen a lot of angry canoeists.
10:37And there's the trip back down the canal to enjoy.
10:41She's chatting the locals up.
10:43He's got the broom out for me.
10:49He's going to shoo me away.
10:57Here I am, getting the brush off, as per.
10:59Thank you so much.
11:02I think if it had been very relaxing, it might not have been as memorable.
11:07Yeah, she leapt off that boat like a baby deer.
11:12Oh, my God, I've got survivor's euphoria.
11:14Sorry about my attitude.
11:15No problem.
11:16Oh, you got off nice and graceful.
11:17I crawled off.
11:18He hates me.
11:20I've made a really powerful enemy on the water.
11:22My legs are all shaky like a spin class.
11:25Well, we've worked hard.
11:27It's absolutely...
11:28A long, long time on the river.
11:30I thought that was all the things.
11:32It was chaotic, terrifying and brilliant.
11:35I was like, this is so boring, this waterway.
11:37It's full of other canoeists and other boats.
11:39Oh, my God, why would anyone do this?
11:41And then right at the end, I was like, oh, my God, it's amazing.
11:53We're in Istanbul, exploring the European side of the city,
11:57and we're starting with an ancient Turkish tradition.
12:01Every country I've ever been to, I go to a fortune teller.
12:03And do you find...
12:04Looking for a new story, you know?
12:06Yeah, do you find that they all say the same thing?
12:08Pretty much.
12:09You're like, I'll try again.
12:10I'm in Istanbul.
12:11Oh, here we go.
12:12Yeah.
12:14Cheers.
12:15Cheers.
12:15Do you like Turkish coffee?
12:17Oh, boy, oh, boy, do I.
12:18Why is yours bigger?
12:20They're always on the look.
12:21Maybe they like me more.
12:23This is not a good start.
12:25This is an absolutely shocking start to the trip.
12:28So gritty.
12:31Look at my teeth.
12:32Look at my teeth.
12:34That's my future.
12:36I've drugged my future.
12:38Oh, you're going to meet a lovely guy.
12:41And he's going to say you've got something on your teeth.
12:45Coffee reading is the ancient Turkish art of telling people's fortunes by looking at
12:50the sludge in the bottom of a coffee cup.
12:53Remember, people didn't have the internet for ages.
13:03Hello.
13:03Hello.
13:04Love you to meet you.
13:05I'm Roisin.
13:06This is Sarah.
13:06Gamze.
13:07Gamze.
13:07This is Sarah.
13:08Local psychic Gamzee gets straight down to business.
13:12I'm seeing two female friends here.
13:16I'm going to put a couple of distance between them.
13:19One's name is E, and it's called E.
13:23It's called E.
13:23It's called the hair.
13:24It's called the hair.
13:24It's called the hair on the waist.
13:27It's called the hair on the waist.
13:29It's called the hair on the waist.
13:32It's called the hair on the waist.
13:37Claire Balding.
13:59Will I ever go to the Nashville Country Music Awards?
14:08Is that your dream?
14:10As a guest or a performer?
14:14Okay.
14:15You said I'm going to play the guitar.
14:16Can I get it?
14:17Get that hat.
14:18She had a nice Amina, but 50 euros, she's out of her mind.
14:23What is your name?
14:24Sarah.
14:25Sarah is very high as energy.
14:30You're in a very good place.
14:33You're in a very good place, and you're in a very good place.
14:38Fortune teller or superfan?
14:39She basically fell in love with me.
14:41In a very good place, you're in a very good place.
14:43Wow.
14:45Oh, my dreams gone true.
14:46It must be nice.
14:47Sarah's in for a lovely time.
14:49An absolute lovely time.
14:51Seriously, why is her sludge so much better than my sludge?
14:54We're looking for adventure in Istanbul.
14:56What should we do?
14:57I've got the energy of the big area here.
15:04A magic tree that grants wishes.
15:07On to the itinerary, it goes.
15:09Seems like we're all really busying up.
15:12You need a receptionist.
15:14Alo.
15:14I think she might be a receptionist.
15:17She's giving them my reading.
15:25My woman area.
15:27Be specific.
15:33Well, I'm guessing the poor reviews are for the constant phone calls.
15:41Messages, Whatsapps, actual calls.
15:43I've heard no one's so popular.
15:46And she's answering halfway through a sentence.
15:48And it could be quite important.
15:49Like, you've got a huge problem with your health.
15:52Hello?
15:56Bye-bye.
15:58You were saying I had really good energy.
16:02Oh, God.
16:04Sorry.
16:05Sorry.
16:05This is quite personal.
16:07Come on.
16:09Right.
16:09We know we're not wanted.
16:11So we've left Gamzee to it.
16:12And we're taking our women's parts off on a tour of the worst reviewed spots on the European side of
16:17the city.
16:18Have the review sites done them wrong?
16:27Well, the internet says that one of the things that tourists do in Istanbul is you go to, like, traditional
16:33Turkish barbers.
16:36Which is, like, a male beauticians.
16:39Yes.
16:40Sounds nice.
16:40So, hairy men.
16:41Hairy men.
16:42And we are...
16:43Delicate ladies.
16:45I'll see you, milady.
16:46Thank you, my love.
16:47Hello.
16:48Hello.
16:49How are you doing?
16:49I'm Roisin.
16:51This is Sarah.
16:52Ziki and Sarah.
16:53Hello.
16:54Yes.
16:54Hello.
16:54So this is a traditional Turkish barber?
16:56Yes.
16:56Yes.
16:57Okay.
16:57I instantly saw the barber and wanted to run away.
17:00The chairs were sellotaped together.
17:02I don't know how hygienic it was either.
17:05I've never been in a barber's before.
17:06Yeah.
17:07Have you?
17:07Yeah.
17:08Wax?
17:10Why did you look at me and say wax?
17:12Oh.
17:13We went, wax.
17:14Oh, you have to pretend we don't need anything done.
17:17This is, like, a broken chair.
17:18A man with a towel is sort of going to me, you need your whole face done.
17:21Got to make out, like, what could you ladies even be here for?
17:24But he's like, wax.
17:25Wax.
17:26Yeah.
17:26I'm going to get my nose done.
17:28Nose nose?
17:28Yeah, wax.
17:29I'm going to get it done.
17:30Are you?
17:31Yeah, I think I've got a few stragglers.
17:33Okay.
17:33There's no, uh...
17:34There is no, just no lubing me up straight in.
17:36There's no, like, relaxing music playing?
17:39No, it's business.
17:41Magazines.
17:42Would you like some tea, madam?
17:43I quite like it.
17:44Thank you, do you?
17:45More business-like.
17:47Oh, okay, okay.
17:48Oh, nice.
17:49Yes, Liz.
17:49Okay.
17:50Should we have a safe word, Roche?
17:52Works.
17:53Not my lips.
17:54No, my lips is...
17:55This is not the...
17:56This is not ideal.
17:57I get laser treatment, thank you very much.
18:00I just get a treatment, if that's what we're calling what just happened to me.
18:02So he's got, like, a little globule on a cotton bud and he's blowing it.
18:06This feels like a really bad choice.
18:07You're very brave.
18:09Don't break my little nose.
18:10Oh, my God.
18:11Roche does have a very small nose, much smaller than not only men, but also normal-sized women.
18:16What have I agreed to?
18:17I'm on holiday.
18:18Put a lot of flans to him.
18:19No, nothing else.
18:20Nothing else.
18:20Nothing else.
18:22It's not great for the confident, though.
18:23I can't watch this now.
18:24I can't watch.
18:25Oh, I hope you're okay.
18:26Do you need me to hold your hand?
18:26I was really sore.
18:29Wow.
18:29I was really sore.
18:30Really?
18:31Oh, my God.
18:32Amazing.
18:33I think it made my nose bigger.
18:34Whoa.
18:34You're not getting wined and dined.
18:36You're getting the hairs ripped out of your face publicly.
18:40Dog's sort of looking in the window.
18:43No, I'm all...
18:44I'm good.
18:45You'll never see me again.
18:46Thank you very much.
18:47That's not how I want to get waxed.
18:49Absolutely not.
18:50By someone just dipping, shoving it everywhere.
18:53That's...
18:53No.
18:54Well, do you all go.
18:55Fair's fair.
18:56I'm okay.
18:58Okay, thank you.
18:59Okay, see you later.
19:01The chairs are set up taped together.
19:03So, this is because your fortune teller told you you're lucky.
19:05I'm very lucky that you went first because I don't want to do it.
19:08Sarah watched me and said, absolutely no way.
19:11I can't.
19:11I can't, Roche.
19:13It's bleeding, just that one.
19:14Thank you, sir.
19:17Bye-bye.
19:17Unbelievable.
19:19I love my...
19:19It turns out I love my hairy nose.
19:20Come on.
19:25It's lunchtime, and how better to show off my beautiful new nostrils
19:30than with a trip to Sir Dancy Mehmet,
19:32a famous food spot that has definitely got tongues wagging on the review sites.
19:37So, a lot of these are one stars.
19:39People wishing they'd never gone.
19:41You know, really regretting their experience.
19:43Definitely do not try it, says another one star review.
19:46You're not the boss of me.
19:47I'm trying it.
19:48Pretty busy, isn't it?
19:50Smoky.
19:50It's like stars in their eyes.
19:53Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be disgusted by the food.
19:59First up, the appetizers.
20:01Come on.
20:01Thank you very much.
20:04So, this is a drink of yoghurt and milk and salt.
20:11Mmm.
20:17It's yoghurt with salt.
20:20It's sort of delicious.
20:22Is it?
20:22But also mad.
20:24Absolutely bonkers.
20:26Mad, yeah.
20:26Little did I know, this was only starter-level mad.
20:30I think it's raw meatballs.
20:32It can't be raw.
20:33I can't.
20:34Raw meatballs.
20:36OK.
20:36I'm not eating raw meatballs.
20:38You've got meatballs.
20:39And then you say, what if we don't cook them?
20:41Not more.
20:42No, no, no, we're good.
20:44They've misinterpreted you saying raw meatballs.
20:47There's some absolute meals going around this restaurant.
20:50I just saw sausages that are, like, 20 long fingers.
20:52They're awful.
20:53It's awful.
20:54It's not sausages.
20:55It's all innards.
20:56Oh.
20:58Yeah.
21:00It's really good.
21:01And he does look a lot of fun, this guy.
21:03Very fine, the stuff.
21:04What's that?
21:04What's happening?
21:05What's happening?
21:06No, no, no.
21:06Then there was another mystery-looking yoghurt.
21:09I thought, well, this is more yoghurt.
21:10Wasn't yoghurt.
21:11Not yoghurt.
21:12Not yoghurt?
21:14Not yoghurt.
21:16What's happened?
21:17Meat.
21:17Meat happened.
21:18Meat in this white sauce?
21:20I just wasn't expecting it.
21:21White liquid meat?
21:23It was yoghurt texture with stew flavour.
21:30And my brain said, sexy.
21:33That bread's very lovely.
21:35What's this?
21:36This is lovely.
21:37Really, really tasty.
21:38Onions and tomato.
21:39Now they're all, like, undisguised.
21:41I feel like this could be cereal.
21:43Oh, yeah.
21:43Like, that show, like, is it cake?
21:46Is it yoghurt?
21:47Is it yoghurt?
21:49Yeah.
21:50Game shows don't make the best dining experiences.
21:53We beat a hasty retreat before any more mystery foods came out.
21:57And luckily, I've got the perfect, non-gross pampering session lined up.
22:02Leeches is something that you can't get in very many places in the world.
22:05Turkey might be known for its medical services, but these little guys are less popular.
22:14Ding, ding, ding.
22:15Is there a bell or something?
22:16Oh, sorry.
22:18HoÅŸ geldiniz.
22:18Hello.
22:20Leech.
22:21Leech.
22:22So we entered the clinic full of hope and interest, actually.
22:28You hear a lot about proper medicine.
22:30You don't hear a lot about bloodletting anymore.
22:34Leech.
22:35Leech.
22:36Leech.
22:36Leech.
22:37Leech.
22:37Leech, okay.
22:39Leech.
22:39Leech.
22:40Leech.
22:41Leech.
22:41Leech, okay.
22:42Leech, okay, leech.
22:43Leech, okay.
22:44Leech, okay?
22:45Okay.
22:45Okay.
22:46Leech.
22:48Leech, okay.
22:48Okay.
22:49I decided there and then I will never say the word leech again.
22:53Unfortunately, it was time to get leached.
22:55So I thought about to.
22:57Felt really great, actually, because anyone wasn't going to get the leeches.
23:01And yet, sis, sis?
23:03Sisters, no.
23:03No.
23:04Leathers.
23:05Leaches.
23:07She wishes.
23:11Sülük.
23:12Leech.
23:13Leech.
23:13Leech.
23:15Leech.
23:16Oh, are you a doctor?
23:17I don't know that he is a real doctor.
23:20Antidepressant özelliği var.
23:22Myorlaxen özelliği var.
23:23Ağrı kesici özelliği var.
23:25He could just be a man.
23:26He popped out of nowhere.
23:27He said leech a few times.
23:29Sülük, ne için yaptırmak istiyorsunuz?
23:32Fortuneteller told me that in a few months' time,
23:34I'm going to have problems with my woman's areas.
23:37So it would be great to sort of be prepped.
23:40Olabilir.
23:41Olur.
23:41Gaye faydada görürsünüz.
23:43Great.
23:45Ä°stanbul is actually a hot spot for leech therapy.
23:47The practice boomed during the so-called leech craze in the 19th century
23:51and is relatively common to this day.
23:54Leeches are said to improve blood flow
23:56and are used to treat everything from cardiovascular diseases to,
24:00if you're brave enough,
24:02hemorrhoids.
24:03Cacot.
24:04Too late.
24:05It's going to be a leech change in a second.
24:09Because I'm a vegan and I don't eat animals,
24:11I do feel this is a bit like me giving them something back.
24:14You take my blood for a change.
24:16Yeah, stick another one on.
24:17Oh, God, this one looks more aggressive.
24:20I don't know if it's worse to watch.
24:22That one's just getting bigger.
24:25It was supposed to be.
24:25They're feeding on me, Roche.
24:27They're going to be the size of a garden slug by the end, hopefully.
24:30I don't think they are feeding on you.
24:31You think they're turning their nose up
24:32because I don't eat any protein.
24:34I think there's not enough.
24:36We're just mating.
24:38I've turned the leeches on.
24:40They looked like they were mating on her.
24:42So it was kind of, I'll be honest, erotic.
24:45Teeth porn.
24:46I can feel teeth in my skin.
24:48There's definitely something happening.
24:50Oh, now he's in.
24:51Now he's in.
24:51It's a very strange sensation
24:53because it's not not a sensation.
24:55You can feel something.
24:56So you can feel little prickles
24:57and then I think it's like a massive mosquito.
24:59There's a free one.
25:00There's one moose.
25:01There's a loose leech.
25:03Loose leech.
25:03There's two loose leeches.
25:05What's this guy doing in this place?
25:07Just a couple got away
25:08and I thought, this is exciting stuff.
25:10If I hadn't seen it,
25:12there'd be any of...
25:12There was two.
25:13There'd be up people's legs.
25:14Guys, watch out for leeches.
25:18All those certificates.
25:19You're not keeping an eye on them, are you?
25:22My review of this clinic,
25:24it's two leeches out of five.
25:28It's our third day in Istanbul
25:29and back at Transplant Towers,
25:31we've managed to make a friend.
25:34So we're staying in a hotel
25:35where you can't swing a cap
25:36without hitting a guy
25:37who's had a hair transplant.
25:39So today, we've ensnared one, Chris,
25:41and we're going to follow him
25:42and, you know, watch him have it done.
25:45I'm heading over to Vera Clinic today
25:46to get my consultation
25:47for my second hair transplant.
25:49Oh, really?
25:49You're American?
25:50Yes, I'm from the USA.
25:51I flew out of Boston just yesterday.
25:53You came all the way to Turkey.
25:54I did, I did.
25:55I'm super excited.
25:56Do you mind if we come?
25:57Let's do it.
25:59Why did you come to Turkey
26:00for a hair transplant?
26:01In the States,
26:02it's extremely expensive
26:03to get a hair transplant.
26:04How much?
26:05Around 20 to 30K for this operation.
26:07And in Turkey, it's around 5K.
26:10Wow.
26:10So it's cheap.
26:11And it's the exact same operation.
26:13It takes about eight hours
26:14for the whole operation.
26:15You're awake the whole time.
26:16What do you do for eight hours?
26:17They have a TV playing
26:18with some stuff,
26:19but usually it's, you know,
26:21in a different language,
26:22to be honest.
26:22They make you watch
26:23Turkish television
26:24for eight hours.
26:25Yeah, a little bit.
26:26It makes me sad
26:27that some people really want hair
26:29and I've got so much
26:29that I don't want.
26:31The world's not fair.
26:32That's what I said.
26:33I said to everybody,
26:34I'm like,
26:34I got hair everywhere
26:35where I don't want hair.
26:36But I didn't have any on my head.
26:40Chris has shared
26:41his Hair Regrow journey
26:42on his TikTok account,
26:43which has tens of thousands
26:45of followers.
26:45Go on, Chris.
26:46And this is his second hair transplant.
26:49Very brave,
26:50considering what the procedure involves.
26:52A surgeon individually extracting
26:54thousands of follicles
26:55from the lower scalp
26:56and then implanting them
26:57in the required area.
26:59Like a French exchange,
27:00only permanent.
27:01But what is it actually like
27:03in one of these places?
27:04Oh, swanky.
27:08It's a bit like being at the vet,
27:10you know,
27:10when all the animals
27:11are in their cones.
27:12There are a lot of very sore heads.
27:15You brought a friend,
27:16didn't you?
27:16I did, yes.
27:17So it is like a proper holiday
27:18because you've got a friend with me.
27:19Exactly, exactly.
27:20Because we get to have a good time
27:21and go to some tourist attractions
27:23like we did yesterday.
27:24We went to the,
27:24I believe it's called the Sophia
27:25or something like that.
27:26Sophia.
27:27Yeah, yeah.
27:28And we went,
27:29there was all,
27:29we went to a nice restaurant,
27:30had dinner outside.
27:32It was awesome.
27:32I guess I'm getting a bit of a taste
27:34of what it's like for people
27:35to come here
27:35because it's partly a holiday,
27:3720%, 80% medical procedure.
27:40Nice to meet you.
27:40Nice to meet you too
27:41if you're ready.
27:42So I'll take you
27:43to the doctor's consultation
27:44for a stumps out.
27:45Awesome.
27:45Good luck, Chris.
27:46Thank you, guys.
27:46I appreciate it.
27:47I'll see you guys soon,
27:48all right?
27:48See you in a bit.
27:50And while Chris gets ready,
27:51we've got just enough time
27:53to check out
27:54the clinic's cabaret area.
27:57Sarah, there's a piano
27:58to let you know
27:59you're on holiday.
28:00Come on.
28:03Join me.
28:04Join me at the table.
28:06I'm going to stand here.
28:07Are you going to sing?
28:08Do you know
28:09I need a hair-o?
28:13Getting your hair done.
28:16I learnt I had
28:17real music abilities
28:17to soothe.
28:19Getting your hair done.
28:22It's beautiful.
28:23Don't be scared.
28:26I felt all of their
28:27tension leave their body
28:28when they heard my tunes.
28:30Getting your hair done.
28:35Getting your hair done.
28:40Don't be scared.
28:45There's a lot of men
28:46who just stopped crying.
28:47Not only is there a piano,
28:49we found a nice coffee bar
28:50in this clinic.
28:51We are on holiday.
28:52What are you doing?
28:53We've got some iced coffee.
28:55Oh, there you go.
28:56A little juice for the day, right?
28:57I'll post you some music.
28:59Oh, okay.
29:00On the piano.
29:01Oh, you did?
29:02So now they're about
29:03to take some blood from me
29:05and I'm going to be getting
29:06the stem cell treatments.
29:07So you have your bloods taken
29:07now.
29:08Don't let us stop you.
29:09We're just here on holiday watching.
29:14Before they start doing
29:15the hair transplant,
29:16you have to be completely bald.
29:17It's like backwards to go forwards.
29:19Never done this before, Chris.
29:20Yeah.
29:21You can do my legs afterwards.
29:23Okay.
29:23You're lucky this isn't a Turkish
29:24barbers if you're straight up your nose.
29:26We shaved him
29:27because it needed to be done.
29:29I'm breaking ground.
29:31I'm coming in, Chris.
29:32I'd go on holiday
29:33just to do this.
29:35To shave the heads of strangers.
29:37Yeah.
29:37Book me up, Thomas Cook.
29:39It's a bit like a petting zoo
29:40but you get to shave a man.
29:42It's very stress relieving
29:43shaving a human being.
29:44I had no idea.
29:46I now think there should be
29:46sort of like sanctuaries
29:47for busy business women
29:49like myself.
29:50Get given a razor
29:51and a kid,
29:52you know, just a student.
29:53He can't afford a hairdresser.
29:55I need to unwind.
29:56This is
29:56Get Me on Dragon's Den.
29:58And does it feel emotional
29:59seeing yourself like this?
30:00It's definitely,
30:01it definitely is a crazy feeling.
30:03I actually get it off the...
30:04I'm traumatized.
30:07Does it feel emotional?
30:09Yeah.
30:10Does it feel emotional?
30:11Let me just blow the rest out.
30:12Are you having any sort of
30:13as extensual...
30:14Yeah.
30:16The time has come
30:17to leave Chris
30:17to his hairy destiny
30:19and eight hours
30:20of Turkish telly.
30:21Oh, so we leave you.
30:23It's go time.
30:24It's now time
30:25for the operation.
30:26Nice to meet you guys, seriously.
30:27Good luck with the stem, sir.
30:28Thank you so much.
30:29Thank you so much.
30:30It was lovely to meet you.
30:31Thank you for the haircut.
30:32I feel very fresh.
30:33It's life-changing.
30:34If you're a 22-year-old man
30:36and you're really depressed
30:37and feeling sad
30:38about going bald,
30:39it seems like
30:40it's a proper establishment.
30:41It's not like
30:42he's going to wake up
30:42and he's got like
30:43a wig stapled on
30:44or like tufts of hair
30:45or a tail or something,
30:46you know,
30:46which I'm sure
30:48some places
30:48won't be reputable.
30:50And no doubt,
30:52Chris's transplant
30:52will be a complete success
30:53thanks to our expert shaving.
30:55It's like painting
30:56and decorating.
30:5790% of it's in the prep.
31:05And as a reward
31:06for our hard work,
31:08we're off for a treatment
31:09that's a bit more our speed,
31:10a Turkish classic.
31:12Where are we going, Sarah?
31:14Traditional Turkish hamam,
31:16which is like,
31:17I think,
31:17like a day spa.
31:18Okay.
31:19But it's the kind of thing
31:19people do in Turkey.
31:21And people love
31:22this kind of stuff,
31:23don't they?
31:23So it must be
31:24really relaxing.
31:34Very traditional.
31:35HoÅŸ geldiniz.
31:36Two massages, please.
31:38Hamam.
31:39Hamam?
31:3922 euros.
31:4122 euros is very cheap.
31:43That's the thing,
31:44isn't it?
31:44We're cheap.
31:44There's good cheap
31:45and there's dangerously cheap.
31:47This feels dangerous.
31:51This is what I imagine
31:52a really nice
31:52women's prison
31:53would look like.
32:01I've got exactly
32:02this bed in.
32:03I'm not the waterproof mat.
32:05No, I'm just sort of
32:06stuck with a real pillow.
32:08Yes.
32:09so.
32:10There you go.
32:12I think it evolved
32:16because there was
32:17one slab
32:18and so we did Sarah.
32:20I sort of had
32:20a cuck chair
32:21to watch my friend
32:23get lathered up.
32:24There's no way
32:25to watch this
32:25and not look like a pervert.
32:27Although Sheen's role
32:28in the spa
32:28as a watcher,
32:30I think unnerved us all.
32:32Do you like watching?
32:33You rub her down.
32:34It's not going to be
32:34good money for this.
32:35What's happening?
32:36Oh, oh.
32:37It's more the unknown.
32:39Oh, it's a lot of suds.
32:41That is a lot of suds
32:42straight off the bat.
32:43No messing.
32:52It's a lovely lady.
32:54Tickled me to death
32:55with the biggest sponge
32:56you've ever seen
32:57and it kept slapping me
32:58like I'd done something wrong.
33:01Here we go.
33:02Now we're cooking on gas.
33:03It was really fun
33:04to watch Sarah
33:04keep trying to close her eyes
33:06and then going like that.
33:07That was my favourite bit.
33:21Go on.
33:24Sadism.
33:25Because I think it's funny.
33:27She's in charge.
33:29Maybe I wouldn't like
33:30a governatrix.
33:31Don't they?
33:32I've never thought that
33:32because I can get them
33:33to tell me to do my ad-mir.
33:34It looks very much
33:36I've interrupted you
33:36on the toilet.
33:40There's something
33:41about watching someone
33:42really purposely
33:44try to relax
33:46that brings out in me
33:48something of like
33:49not on my watch.
33:50It's a little bit of
33:51that I should finish.
33:53The cat does not get involved.
33:56I'm so sorry.
33:59I'm so sorry.
34:00I'm so sorry.
34:01I'm so sorry.
34:03I have to get Sarah now.
34:05I'm so sorry.
34:06I'll do it to me.
34:07I'll do it to me.
34:08I'll do it to me.
34:09Forgive.
34:10I'll do it to me.
34:14She looked more confused
34:15by me chucking it over
34:16myself in my gown.
34:18She was like,
34:18what is happening?
34:19What game is this?
34:20I think that's our cue
34:21to leave.
34:27It's the last day
34:28of our Zero Stars
34:29experience in Istanbul
34:30and we can deny destiny
34:32no longer.
34:33Gamzee,
34:34the phone-addicted
34:34fortune teller,
34:35has told us we must visit
34:36a local mystical island.
34:38So we're boarding
34:39the mystical ferry
34:40to meet our fate.
34:44So the island we're going
34:45to doesn't have
34:46any cars.
34:48Uh-huh.
34:49So what you have
34:50is bikes.
34:51Yeah.
34:51But you cycle
34:52and you go to the monastery
34:53which has got that
34:54wishing tree.
34:55You've got the fortune teller
34:56who loves you.
34:57My friend.
34:58Your best friend.
35:00She foretold
35:00you would make a wish.
35:02And it's a place
35:02loads of people go to
35:03to make a special wish.
35:05We're like pilgrims.
35:06Yeah.
35:07We're like wish pilgrims.
35:09Would you like some reviews
35:10of this boat trip?
35:11Sure thing.
35:12This is one star
35:13horrible experience.
35:15After a disappointing
35:16day on the boat
35:17we were unexpectedly
35:18forced to attend
35:20a fashion show
35:22before heading
35:23back to the bus.
35:25None of us
35:25are informed about this.
35:26They tried to sell us
35:27leather coats.
35:29The outrage.
35:30I mean...
35:31A fashion show?
35:32I hope we get made
35:33to go to a fashion show.
35:35Let's put one on
35:36with these guys.
35:38We've arrived at
35:39Buyukada
35:40which in Turkish
35:41means
35:42big island.
35:44Such a poetic language.
36:01I'm looking out
36:02for bikes.
36:03Wherever I can see them.
36:05I'm looking out
36:05for love.
36:06That man's offering you
36:07some doughnut.
36:09I'll have it.
36:10Oh my God.
36:11Rose, you don't know
36:11what it is.
36:19I'm making a cooking
36:20programme now.
36:22It's really good.
36:24Sarah.
36:25I don't take food
36:26off strange men.
36:27I'm not a strange man.
36:29No, there he is.
36:30Come on.
36:30We've got bikes.
36:31It's really good.
36:32What's her name?
36:33Roisin.
36:35Roisin!
36:39Welcome to Big Island.
36:42That was a very big voice.
36:43I'm a big island.
36:45Hello, lady.
36:47How are you, lady?
36:49Oh, she's got breasts.
36:51What's that?
36:52It's an old woman.
36:53It's an old woman.
36:58I love it.
36:59I'll eat the breasts.
37:02I'm not getting one.
37:03I don't want to be
37:04insulted in ice cream.
37:06I'm not insulted.
37:07I had enough of that
37:07at the waxing studio.
37:09What flavour's that blue one?
37:10Breast milk.
37:14I like these bikes
37:15because they've got flowers
37:16on the front.
37:18We're hiring bikes
37:19to take us to Big Island's
37:21big tourist attraction,
37:22a monastery where you can
37:24make a wish
37:24on a mystical wishing tree.
37:27Oh, that one's broken.
37:29Well used, I'd say.
37:31Experienced bikes.
37:32We are here now.
37:33Follow the lens.
37:34You go from here to the top.
37:35OK.
37:36And come back.
37:37So it's a half an hour cycle,
37:39nice 20-minute walk.
37:40Yeah.
37:40Make a wish.
37:41That's a nice day out.
37:43Sure.
37:43It's 70 kilometres.
37:44Oh, OK.
37:45Go on and come back.
37:46What?
37:46OK, there and back.
37:47So it's four kilometres.
37:49The wish.
37:49Think of your wish.
37:50Listen, before the ice cream,
37:51I was struggling
37:52with the idea of this.
37:53We set off.
37:55Our basket's full of flowers,
37:56our heart's full of wishes,
37:58Roisin full of ice cream.
38:02Sorry, I'm driving
38:03on the wrong side of the road.
38:04It was humbling
38:05because Pascoe flew up the hill.
38:08This is just sort of
38:09a low-level hill
38:10and I'm already struggling.
38:12I don't know
38:13how much further
38:13I've got, Sarah.
38:21That's me done.
38:22You're sold the idea
38:23of a bike.
38:24You think,
38:24well, it must be
38:24a really nice cycle route.
38:26It's not.
38:26Oh, it's so steep.
38:28There we go.
38:29Oh, I broke it.
38:31I'm becoming a danger.
38:32Oh, God.
38:35We should be like,
38:36one, two, three.
38:37Ah!
38:38What have I done to it?
38:39Oh!
38:40Oh!
38:41Take it and hide it
38:42in a hedge.
38:43Oh, no!
38:44Don't worry,
38:44there's only seven
38:45and a half kilometres to go.
38:47Oh, no!
38:52It's a vertical road
38:53to the monastery.
38:56Vertical.
38:57This is like
38:57last of the summer wine.
39:00We decided to walk
39:01our piles of scrap metal
39:03up the hill.
39:04Can't you see
39:04my wishes have already
39:05come in true?
39:06It's just more hills, Sarah.
39:17It's an insane way
39:18to travel.
39:19You're basically
39:20just bringing luggage.
39:28I'm going to make a wish.
39:29No more hills.
39:35As the saying goes,
39:37when you're going
39:38through tough times,
39:40remember that
39:40difficult roads
39:42often lead
39:43to beautiful destinations.
39:45Not always.
39:46Oh, wow.
39:48This view is beautiful.
39:50Look at this side.
39:51Yeah.
39:51Because this side is
39:52really upsetting.
39:52No, it's confusing.
39:53It's really upsetting.
39:54It's really beautiful.
39:54And then there's loads of bins.
39:56Oh, my God, though.
39:56You brought a mattress
39:57up here, Sarah.
39:59OK, we've ticked
40:00the sacred stained mattress
40:01off our list,
40:02but where is
40:03the magic wishing tree?
40:05A little one.
40:07That's the one
40:08from the picture.
40:08This one feels like
40:09the main one.
40:11There's lots of little
40:12ribbons and bows.
40:15They're not ribbons.
40:17These are bounty wrappers.
40:19Your favourite?
40:21Have you been here before?
40:22Look, Sarah.
40:22They're bounty wrappers.
40:24They're just junk.
40:25Whether it was
40:26the spirits at work
40:28or heat exhaustion,
40:29we were grateful
40:30to have reached
40:31the ancient bin bag tree.
40:33We made it.
40:34We did.
40:35We did.
40:36Thank you, God.
40:37So, the wishing tree,
40:38the small wishing tree
40:40covered in rubbish.
40:42Amazing that we're now
40:43going to get our wishes
40:44to come true.
40:44Did you bring anything?
40:47Alas, we'd forgotten
40:48to bring our magic bin bag,
40:49so we had to make do.
40:52I've got a tampon.
40:54Tampon?
40:55Yeah.
40:56I've got a little bit
40:57of ribbon.
40:58Yeah, pretty.
40:59This has got, like, a string,
41:00which is why I thought
41:00it would be perfect.
41:02Wishing.
41:03We're doing wishing.
41:07Wishing on the tree.
41:09I feel bad about tying
41:10the tampon,
41:11and that's disrespectful.
41:12That's a romp for didn't me?
41:12You can't take me on holiday.
41:14Do you know what I'm wishing for?
41:15What?
41:16I wish I'd got my nose waxed.
41:17I've regretted it for days.
41:19Yeah, I can smell a lot, actually.
41:20But I'm going to do my wish now.
41:22I'm really putting
41:23my whole spirit into it.
41:29Wishing, wishing,
41:30wishing on the tree.
41:32Thank you, tree.
41:35Would you like to hear
41:36some of the bad reviews
41:37of this place?
41:38Bad reviews?
41:38What's not to like?
41:40It won't surprise you
41:41that a lot of them
41:42are about the hill.
41:43It is very tiring.
41:44Walking is like death,
41:45someone's written.
41:46These are my people.
41:47Then with a comma,
41:48nothing else.
41:49So maybe they died
41:49halfway through the sentence,
41:50sadly.
41:51Let's see what else we've got.
41:53Don't go up the hill.
41:54Don't go up the hill.
41:55Don't go up the hill,
41:57everyone's saying.
41:58Too late for us.
41:59Can we have a look
41:59in the monastery?
42:01I don't think so.
42:02We're not monks.
42:02Is that real?
42:03Yeah.
42:04So this is it.
42:06What?
42:08This is the...
42:09This is it.
42:10No, no, no.
42:11Don't go in the monastery.
42:12But there's a church.
42:14We won't go in it.
42:15It's not for us.
42:16Why not?
42:17It's this.
42:18People walk up here
42:19just for this tree, Roche.
42:20Come off it.
42:21You brought me up here.
42:23I knew you didn't understand.
42:24You said the word monastery
42:25so many times.
42:25Because it's the tree
42:26at the monastery.
42:28But we could have gone
42:28in the tree at the road.
42:29The monastery's got nothing
42:30to do with the tree.
42:31I'm having...
42:33What do you mean?
42:34You can't go in it
42:35and light a candle, even.
42:36You cannot invite people up
42:38to a tree.
42:39Sarah, get the reviews up.
42:42Because I've got something to say.
42:52We've come to Turkey
42:53hoping to feel like new people
42:55and I've discovered
42:56a lot about myself.
42:58I found out that I love shaving men,
43:00that canal boating
43:01is not for me
43:02and that I could be
43:03a sex therapist for leeches.
43:05I would have wished
43:06more ambitiously
43:07if I knew they were
43:07all going to become true.
43:09I give this trip
43:10three and a half stars
43:11out of five.
43:12Apart from the non-monastery,
43:15I've had a good time.
43:16I got to watch Sarah
43:17get sapped about
43:18and I was able to smell
43:19her fear all the better
43:20thanks to a very
43:21no-nonsense barber.
43:22It's a solid
43:23four out of five for me.
43:26Sarah.
43:27Yeah.
43:27Do you know what it is now?
43:29Yeah.
43:29Downhill.
43:30Yeah.
43:30It's all downhill
43:31from here,
43:31as they say.
43:33And that is
43:35pleasure.
43:42undies.
43:43Okay.
43:55So,
44:05We'll see you next time.
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