- 25 minutes ago
First broadcast 22nd October 1985.
Ray Brooks - Robby Box
Sharon Duce - Jan Oliver
Pamela Cundell - Vi Box
James Ottaway - Tommy
Lisa Geoghan - Debby Oliver
Stephen Tate - Dick Mayer
Andy Mulligan - Geordie
Kenneth Waller - Ferret
Frank Mills - Gil Roach
Roger Walker - Kipper
Deirdre Costello - Joan
Charlotte Mitchell - Mary
James Ellis - O'Connor
Harry Fowler - Alf
Peter Dennis - Mr. Clark
Geoffrey Larder - Driving Instructor
Anthony Dawes - Driving Examiner
Terry Sue-Patt - Aaron (as Terry Sue Patt)
Ian Barritt - Mr. Judd - Estate Agent
Ray Brooks - Robby Box
Sharon Duce - Jan Oliver
Pamela Cundell - Vi Box
James Ottaway - Tommy
Lisa Geoghan - Debby Oliver
Stephen Tate - Dick Mayer
Andy Mulligan - Geordie
Kenneth Waller - Ferret
Frank Mills - Gil Roach
Roger Walker - Kipper
Deirdre Costello - Joan
Charlotte Mitchell - Mary
James Ellis - O'Connor
Harry Fowler - Alf
Peter Dennis - Mr. Clark
Geoffrey Larder - Driving Instructor
Anthony Dawes - Driving Examiner
Terry Sue-Patt - Aaron (as Terry Sue Patt)
Ian Barritt - Mr. Judd - Estate Agent
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01One!
00:02One!
00:04One!
00:06One!
00:07Hey! Come on! Here we go! It's showing now!
00:09Come on!
00:12Come on!
00:13Come on!
00:13Come on!
00:14Come on!
00:15Come on!
00:16One!
00:17Winner...
00:17One!
00:20Second...
00:21Five!
00:22He's brilliant!
00:22You're one kicker, all right!
00:23I told you!
00:24Well, shut up, will ya!
00:25Ha ha!
00:27Winner...
00:28One!
00:29Second!
00:30Second!
00:30Five!
00:36Come on, it's not that bad!
00:38I'm up to me eyebrows. That dog could have made all the difference.
00:40How much is up to your eyebrows?
00:42I'm swimming in a pool of debt that comes to roughly 24,770.
00:47You're joking!
00:48Never go legal, Kipper.
00:50Here, that's my mate Alf and the owner of Balkan Prince.
00:55Twenty-four?
00:56Yeah, the twenty's for her majesty and the other four's a minor debt that's gonna become major this time next
01:00week.
01:01Twenty?
01:02All because I owned up to existing.
01:04A pint of poison, please, Alf.
01:05It's a pint of bitter and a large whiskey for me. Have one yourself.
01:08Tell me, mate.
01:10Well, shun't worry, Rob.
01:12Things can only get worse.
01:14Cheers.
01:16Whatcha gonna do now?
01:18Walk.
01:18Very slowly, huh?
01:20Walk?
01:21A man with debts like yours has got status.
01:24You should have wheels, mate.
01:26Ain't it about time you learned to drive?
01:46I don't believe it. I don't believe you. It's impossible.
01:50What you've just done cannot be done. It's impossible.
01:57You go on like this and you might as well park in there for good.
02:01What's the problem?
02:05Everything.
02:07Anyway, what is all this reversing round the corner rubbish?
02:10I mean, do you ever do it? Never.
02:11I mean, do you? Never.
02:13It's to prove that you're in control of the vehicle.
02:16And it's quite obvious by this last little jaunt that you're not.
02:19Of course I'm in control. It's just I don't like going backwards, that's all.
02:24Forward.
02:40Do you think you could go forward?
02:43Would it help if you took your foot off the brake?
02:46Sorry. My natural sense of self-preservation.
02:55Believe me, we are doing our best.
02:58I know you are. It's just that...
03:00I didn't think it would take this long, that's all.
03:03I'm sorry.
03:04Now, is there something wrong with it?
03:05Not at all. It's a very good investment.
03:08If it goes on like this, I may as well move back in, you see.
03:11Oh, I don't advise that, Mrs. Oliver.
03:13All was much easier to sell vacant property.
03:15Is it?
03:16To me!
03:18I mean, how could he do it?
03:21It's a pillar, can it?
03:22More than that.
03:23What a bloody disaster.
03:25How did he do it?
03:27He, er...
03:28He stuck his board down a rabbit hole.
03:29Well, Mason shouldn't have rabbit holes on his land.
03:32What is he, a trader or a trapper?
03:34He couldn't lose.
03:36This dog couldn't lose.
03:38But I've got to clean up.
03:40Yeah.
03:40I've got to turn the lippy into Guinness.
03:42Yeah.
03:43Well...
03:43You come across a dog like that once in a lifetime.
03:46I know, I know.
03:47I think we'll have to go down there and break Mason's legs.
03:50What this afternoon, Pat?
03:51Stick him down a rabbit hole and fill it full of concrete.
03:54We're busy this afternoon.
03:56Carl's himself a trainer.
03:57Sammy wants a dozen tickets for drooling.
03:59I'll kill the bastard.
04:01And Nobby, Nobby can do a gross for the pot fist.
04:03What are you whittling on about?
04:05Business, Pat.
04:06Business.
04:06Just shut up, will ya?
04:08No problem, Pat.
04:09No problem.
04:10Does anybody else know about this?
04:13What?
04:13The dog, you idiot.
04:14No, just, uh, just, uh, Mason.
04:16You and me, that's all.
04:18Let's keep it that way, shall we?
04:19No, Rob Orson.
04:20You can't drive it.
04:21It's my livelihood, that is.
04:23I've got to practice somewhere, haven't I?
04:24Aye, well, not in that, you're not.
04:26Is that your final word?
04:27Yes.
04:27I thought you were my mate.
04:29Hi, um.
04:30I'm trying to keep you out of the graveyard.
04:32Anyway, you never pass the driving test.
04:34Look, if you can drive, I can drive.
04:36All you gotta know is where to push that, um, stick.
04:40You're magic.
04:41Yeah.
04:42Anyway, you're too old.
04:44You what?
04:46You've passed it, man.
04:47You know, once you've turned 40, the old reactions start to go.
04:50What?
04:50You reckon, do you?
04:51Speak to yourself.
04:54You're over the top.
04:57Learn to drive a bike.
04:58Yeah.
05:00Go, go, go, go with yourself.
05:12Beep.
05:14Let's go, aback.
05:26Go, go.
05:29Another winner, Joanie?
05:31You'll be lucky.
05:42Look at that.
05:43Look at that lovely trombone.
05:44Yeah, I'll fare it.
05:46Mind you, don't choke.
05:47All time, Joanie.
05:51Here you are, ma.
05:58Here, stop that car.
06:00Stop that car.
06:00Run out of the way.
06:01Stop that car.
06:02Stop that car.
06:04Here, come back, you rock, guys.
06:06Come back, you piss me, dog.
06:08Here, come back, you.
06:09Dog nabbed.
06:12It's not funny.
06:15I'm sorry, mate.
06:16Here, look.
06:17Yeah, I'll get somewhere out there.
06:19Oh, yeah.
06:19We're going to make a profit like that, aren't we?
06:21We're going to have to get through the light hells, you know, Rob.
06:24Can't you get them on Naga?
06:25Dick, listen, are you going to give me some wheels or what?
06:26You pass the test, I will sort out the motor.
06:29But why not now?
06:31Because some people can go out on the road without instruction.
06:34It's a natural instinct.
06:36Others need a thousand lessons before they're even allowed to look under their bonnet.
06:41You are definitely one of the others.
06:43That's a bit strong, isn't it?
06:45We're going to have to sell more shorts and all.
06:47You never make a profit and be here, aren't you?
06:48But why are you so short?
06:49I can't.
06:50I've been up the funfair with you.
06:52You couldn't even steer a tram.
06:54But dodgums are different, aren't they?
06:55They're supposed to crash.
06:56Rob, you can't afford it.
06:58Look, Dick, Dick, listen, in this business, you've got to have a bit of style.
07:02Rob.
07:03Right, Robbo.
07:05That's about it.
07:06Fine.
07:08And, er, I'll start work after work, okay?
07:11Thanks, Geordie.
07:12Don't thank me.
07:13Thank Doreen.
07:15Here, Ferris, what are you doing here?
07:16Somebody's nicked me dog.
07:18Oh, is that all?
07:19You look as though you've lost your wallet.
07:20Is that all?
07:21Oh, I'll need another pair of steps for the scaffold board.
07:24Out and about.
07:25Right.
07:25Hey, and remember, keep death off the roads.
07:31Mrs. McGregor.
07:33Let's have a look at you.
07:34Come on, round your coat now.
07:36Come on.
07:37Here, cop that.
07:40Let's see.
07:42It's a result, isn't it?
07:43Eh?
07:46Not bad, not bad.
07:48We'll have to paint the nose a bit, though.
07:50Well, supposing it rains.
07:52What do you think they put in the front of houses?
07:54Watercolors.
07:55You're not going to slap emotion all over him.
07:57You want to be careful, Pat.
07:58I saw that picture where they bumped off that bird with gold paint.
08:01Sometimes I think you have a brain the size of a pea.
08:03Oh, it's only helping.
08:04Anyway, I promised him a couple of tickets for the arsenal next to the chairman.
08:08You what?
08:09Kipper.
08:10Oh, leave off.
08:11He can't tell one chairman from the other, can he, my old son?
08:14Eh?
08:15Hang on, hang on, hang on.
08:17Now, look, don't fall off the pavement.
08:19I'm all right.
08:21Now, go straight home and have a sit down.
08:25Won't be the same, will it?
08:26Remember when I lost him last time?
08:29Oh, leave it to me, leave it to me.
08:31Take him to a bus stop, will you?
08:33Come on, let's go.
08:34That's it.
08:38You can't ask him for the money, can you?
08:40Yeah.
08:41What about the debts?
08:42What about the tax man?
08:44Voice of doom, you are.
08:45Yeah.
08:46You're tough.
08:50You are, er, you are going to talk to Debbie, aren't you?
08:53It's difficult, isn't it?
08:55So is life with Christine.
08:58You've seen what she's done with that office, haven't you?
09:00She's a right little grafter.
09:01Can't you talk to Christine again?
09:02I have.
09:03Oh, yeah.
09:05Anyway, like I said, probably won't be a club here by the end of the month anyway.
09:10Cheers.
09:11Cheers.
09:14Right now, hold steady.
09:16What are we going to do about the registration number?
09:20Uncle Max will tattoo the years.
09:22No problem.
09:24Well, is it going to look the same?
09:27Identical.
09:29Once it's done.
09:30Yeah?
09:31You won't be able to tell which twin has the tattoo.
09:36All right, Dick?
09:39You're early.
09:40Well, it's different when you're enjoying yourself, isn't it?
09:43Yeah, I suppose so, yeah.
09:44Oh, come on, Rob.
09:45You're enjoying it too, aren't you?
09:47Yeah.
09:48It's going to look great when this place is done.
09:51Before you know it, we'll need a minder on the door.
09:53Get your gorilla in.
09:55Anyone but him.
09:57How's it going, then?
09:59All right.
10:00But the customers are complaining about polyfilling in their sandwiches.
10:03Well, don't tell the others.
10:04They'll all want it.
10:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
10:15What is it?
10:17Um, nothing, nothing.
10:19I was just wondering, um, if you're enjoying yourself here.
10:23Oh, yeah, I'm having a ball.
10:24I was just wondering.
10:26Yeah.
10:27Well, you know, the thing is, up till all hours, working the day backwards, I mean, I'm used to it.
10:32I just wondered, you know, whether it was right for somebody like you.
10:37So what's all this about?
10:39No, nothing, nothing, no.
10:41Nothing?
10:41No, I just thought, you know, being a bit, um, older and all that, whether I should advise you to
10:48do something else.
10:49Like what?
10:50Come on, Deb, she just had school, hadn't she?
10:52Oh, you've noticed, Deb, yeah?
10:55I get it.
10:56What?
10:57Mum's been on at you again, hasn't she?
10:59Oh, no, I swear.
10:59She doesn't want me here and she wants you to get me out.
11:02No, no, no, I promise.
11:03Well, who then?
11:06Deb's...
11:11It's Christine, isn't it?
11:12What?
11:14She thinks that two's a crowd.
11:16Well, get rid of her!
11:17Deb's on.
11:18Now, you listen to me, Mr. Box.
11:20I'm not going, I'm staying.
11:21I like it here.
11:23Anyway, I'm family and you owe me.
11:26The only way you're going to get rid of me is by picking me up and throwing me out on
11:29the street.
11:30And I don't think even you're going to try that one.
11:38Here, Ferrit.
11:39Oh, will you shut up?
11:40Every time anybody speaks, it's like being in an echo chamber.
11:43I feel as if I've got the old of the Argyll and Sutherlanders bagpiping round me brain.
11:48Ferrit!
11:49If you can't hold your booze, you shouldn't go pouring it down your gullet.
11:53What the hell do you think this is, a nursing home?
11:57You ought to be old enough to have more sins.
12:04It's fizzing, Joanie.
12:06Yes, it is, you silly sod.
12:08I don't think I can take the fizz.
12:09That's the champagne of the chemistry world, that is.
12:12It's your voice that's killing me.
12:13What's he been doing to get like this?
12:15From my memories.
12:17Where?
12:17Robbo's.
12:18He ought to know better.
12:20He does.
12:22Oh, come on, get it down, you.
12:24That mutt will come back.
12:26Did last time, didn't he?
12:39Here, that's off.
12:42I'm only looking.
12:43I'd just clean that.
12:44I don't want your betting shop fingers all over and lowering the prices.
12:48Charming.
12:49Have you seen Robbie?
12:50No.
12:51Well, I need him.
12:52Try Gills.
12:53Yeah.
12:54The club?
12:54No.
12:55If I see him, I'll tell him you're looking.
12:57Tell her.
12:59I might get one of these.
13:00What?
13:01A stall.
13:03Oh, what's she going to sell?
13:04Racing tips?
13:05I couldn't do much worse than you, could I?
13:07Oh, get off.
13:08Tell her.
13:09Tell her.
13:11What time do you call this?
13:13You look as if you've been to a funeral.
13:14I am.
13:15Oh, Mary.
13:16I'm sorry.
13:17Oh, no.
13:18It's all right.
13:19No.
13:20I didn't really know them.
13:22They were on his side.
13:24Oh.
13:26Nice, was it?
13:27Well, as funerals go, yes, it wasn't bad at all.
13:30Nothing like a good funeral, is there?
13:32No.
13:32Meet the friends?
13:34No.
13:34Relatives?
13:35Yeah.
13:36Aye.
13:36She laid on a lovely spread.
13:38What, the widow?
13:39No, the daughter.
13:39Oh, yes, and there was some good stuff there.
13:43We'll give it a few days, you know, and then I've got to have a little talk with her.
13:47Oh, tar, Mary.
13:50Hello, Aaron.
13:51What you got in there?
13:52Music, man, music.
13:53Oh, yeah?
13:53What sort?
13:54All sorts.
13:55You haven't got any...
13:57Mantovani?
13:57Yeah.
13:58I'm going to need some takes soon.
13:59There's background.
14:00Background?
14:01Yeah, well, I've taken out of this club, haven't I?
14:03Never.
14:03Yeah, I have, honest, really.
14:04See ya.
14:05See ya, Robert.
14:08Hello, Mary.
14:08Oh, hello.
14:10She looks like she's been to her, um...
14:12Oh.
14:14Here, Kipper's looking for you.
14:15Oh, say what he wanted?
14:17No.
14:17Oh.
14:18Ah, ooh!
14:20Oh, yes, see.
14:21Are you all right, then?
14:22Yeah, of course.
14:23Have you told me, I mean?
14:25Oh, well, we're still just in, aren't we?
14:27Well, let's hope you've got the right spanner, eh?
14:30Listen, son, you're looking at a lady who slept on a Union Jack pillow all through the war.
14:36Oh, he's a cantankerous old sod, but...
14:40I do love him.
14:43More to the point.
14:46How are you getting on?
14:47Never better.
14:48Don't believe you.
14:49Oh, sex plot.
14:51Have I lied to you?
14:51Yes.
14:52Only a bit.
14:54A bit.
14:54Only when I didn't want to worry you.
14:58Let's go and have a Guinness.
14:59It's a bit early, isn't it?
15:00Here, Mary.
15:01Yeah?
15:01I'm going to take my son for a Guinness, all right?
15:03Oh, get us one as well, will you?
15:05I need to wash the ashes out now.
15:07Oh, Mary.
15:09Come on, son.
15:12What about this club, then, that I ain't seen?
15:15I told you.
15:16No, you haven't.
15:17Haven't I?
15:17No.
15:19Well, it's all right.
15:20I'm just going to take a bit of time, but it's all right.
15:22And this time next year, I could be driving a roller.
15:26I just want to be sure that you'll be here this time next year.
15:30I mean, I don't want you to run before you can leave.
15:33Right?
15:35You know what I mean.
15:37You're starting to sound like my mum.
15:42I'll see you later, then.
15:46All right, Mum.
15:47See you later.
15:48Have a nice day.
15:49Bye.
15:52Oh.
15:56What is it, for God's sake?
15:58What's the matter?
15:59Nothing.
16:00Nothing.
16:01You sounded like that when you were five,
16:03when you stole my lipstick and asked you what you'd done with it.
16:06Nothing.
16:07Come on, you joined our world now, the grown-ups.
16:10It's a mess, that's all.
16:12What is?
16:14Everything.
16:16This tip in particular.
16:18Do something about it.
16:19You could start by tidying this lot up.
16:21It's only temporary, for God's sake.
16:24Some people say that about life.
16:30As soon as I've sorted the flat out, it'll all be all right.
16:33You'll see.
16:37Perhaps we should have stayed in Australia.
16:40Yes, perhaps we should.
16:41It was nice, though, wasn't it?
16:43Debbie, you were the one that came back.
16:46You know, the day he phoned me, I was lying in the pool,
16:48waiting for a barbecue to cook.
16:50Debbie, I know you don't like it.
16:52Of course I don't like it.
16:53You don't like it neither, do you?
16:56He stitched us both up, hasn't he?
16:58He's brought us both back from the good life, and here we are,
17:01sitting like a couple of poor relations on Tommy's dossier's furniture.
17:05I don't understand.
17:07I always thought Robbie was the hero, the man on the big white horse.
17:11I mean, why the sudden change?
17:13Because he only thinks about himself, that's why.
17:16And I thought he was on my side.
17:20And he wants me out of the club.
17:23He does what?
17:24Well, he said there's not enough work to go round.
17:28Well, that doesn't sound like Robbie.
17:30That's what he said.
17:31It's not as though he pays you.
17:33Well, I said I wasn't leaving anyway.
17:36Oh, well then.
17:38I can't stay, can I?
17:40Not if he don't want me to.
17:42It's all right for him.
17:44Everything's going well on his side of the muck heap,
17:46and here we are on ours,
17:47waiting for the dustbin then.
17:52Jordy's going to do the decorating,
17:53but he can only work when he's not working.
17:55Why can't you do things properly?
17:57He's the best, so it's worth waiting.
17:59Jordy's the cheapest.
18:00He's my mate, isn't he?
18:01I don't know why.
18:03Don't give me a hard time, sex part, please.
18:06I'm really trying.
18:07I know you are, son.
18:09And I'm proud of you, really, I am.
18:11I know you're going to make it.
18:12I just need somebody to set me off, that's all.
18:14No, I've got it.
18:15I'm going to hang on.
18:16Yeah, you do.
18:17It's going to be all right.
18:17I've got a number.
18:18I've got a checkbook.
18:20Well, you hang on to that.
18:26How much do you owe?
18:31Owe?
18:32You read me.
18:35Where'd you get that from?
18:36Huh?
18:37Small bar, isn't it?
18:39Yeah, it is, isn't it?
18:41Look, son.
18:44You're in trouble, ain't you?
18:45Don't worry, I'll sort it.
18:46This is your mother you're talking to.
18:52Outside.
18:53Outside.
18:54Outside.
19:01You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Robbie Box.
19:04Old man like that.
19:05Leave it out, Joan.
19:06Bullying him into an early box.
19:08What are you talking about?
19:09Look what we did for Irish.
19:10I can't stand this.
19:12We gave him a good send-off, didn't we?
19:14Shut up, will you?
19:15How can you go on like that when it's you that did it?
19:17Did it?
19:18He fell under that bottle like he'd come off the Sahara.
19:20Tell me he had to cheer myself up.
19:22I could have stayed at home and been miserable.
19:23You call that stone you live under home, do you?
19:25Right, anybody out there spending money?
19:27This is a business, not a Doss house.
19:30He'll close his head in that shuttle one day.
19:33I heard that box.
19:38You're leaving me.
19:39Business for it, business, son.
19:41Shh.
19:57Look, I don't want to upset very safe.
20:00He'd be even more upset if you don't tell him where he's running.
20:03That's the old point.
20:05It's not.
20:06What's not?
20:07A dog.
20:09What is this, MI5?
20:11I'm not talking about a running dog.
20:13Oh, it's a code, is it?
20:15I've got to break the code.
20:16Talk about his dog.
20:17What, Mrs McGregor?
20:20I know where he is.
20:22Well, why don't you tell him?
20:24I don't want him to do anything stupid.
20:25What?
20:26Well, you know how.
20:28Emotionally cares.
20:29So you want me to do something stupid instead?
20:30He's your mate.
20:31Oh, he's my mate.
20:32All of a sudden, is he?
20:33I'm serious, Rob.
20:34All right, what?
20:36Well, there's this little Furman, are they?
20:40They got hold of the dog.
20:42I thought, well, I thought perhaps you'd go around and have a word with him, like.
20:46Oh, Darkin.
20:49You're a million.
20:52Hi, darling.
20:58Here.
20:59Here.
20:59Here you are, Mary.
21:00Oh, thanks, Fry.
21:02Here.
21:03He's been asking for you.
21:04Who?
21:05Him over there.
21:06What if you want?
21:07I don't know, but he hasn't come to buy.
21:09He looks a bit official to me.
21:11Pinstripes, behind the glasses.
21:12Do you know what I mean?
21:13Do you think he's come to see about the licenses?
21:15I don't know.
21:15He just asked for Mrs. Box.
21:17Did he?
21:17Yeah.
21:18He said he'd been around your place, and Tommy said you was there.
21:21Perhaps he's come about the income tax.
21:23Oh, leave it out, Mary.
21:24Oh, hold on.
21:25He's coming.
21:26Do you want to be a customer?
21:27No, no.
21:27I've got to sort this out.
21:28Oh.
21:29Oh, you seen anything you fancy, Dan?
21:32No.
21:33No?
21:34Well, if you do, just blow in my ear.
21:37I can always get your discount, eh?
21:38Yeah.
21:38Yeah.
21:39Yeah.
21:40Yeah.
21:50Mr. O'Connor.
21:52What do you want?
21:54Mr. O'Connor.
21:56You buy it or sell it?
21:58I don't know.
21:59Name.
22:00Mrs. Box?
22:02No.
22:03Oh.
22:04Isn't this her stall?
22:05I'm minding it for her.
22:07Will she be back?
22:08I don't know.
22:09Oh.
22:11Um.
22:14Can I help you?
22:15Um.
22:17We are related, you see.
22:19Oh, no.
22:20No.
22:23We don't have any secrets from one another.
22:25No, it's, uh, it's quite all right.
22:29She tells me everything.
22:31Huh?
22:32And vice reversed.
22:33We're like twins.
22:35Oh.
22:37Oh.
22:40Well, that's nice, isn't it?
22:41Hmm?
22:42You look quite pretty in an office.
22:44Yes, I'm sure it would.
22:47Well, thank you for your help.
22:49Good day to you.
22:54It's about a dog.
22:56What's that?
22:59I've come to see a man about a dog.
23:01Oh.
23:02A joker, are you?
23:03No, no, no, no, no, I'm quite, I'm quite serious.
23:05I'd heard that you appeared to be rather over-fond of our canine friends, you know, the, the racing kind.
23:12Is that so?
23:13And I, I've got a friend who's also very fond of this particular breed of animal.
23:17Have you?
23:18And he, he rather forgetfully left it waiting for him outside this certain little business establishment.
23:25Did he?
23:26And when he came out to feed it, it's mid-morning biscuit, um, he saw that it had decided to
23:33take a walk in somebody else's car.
23:38Never.
23:39Well, he, he wants the mutt back.
23:45Does he?
23:47Hmm.
23:48Sit down, Mr. Barker.
23:56Hello, you're early?
24:02Oh, I couldn't half murder a cup of tea.
24:06I'm making this for Mr. Clark.
24:08Who?
24:09So you see, Mr. Box, I'm going to have to keep your friend's dog till Saturday.
24:14Yeah, yeah.
24:15But not a walk to a living soul, understood?
24:17Right.
24:18Tell your friend if he makes a fuss to remember the Godfather.
24:23Godfather?
24:23He could wake up one morning to find his mutt's severed head sharing his pillow.
24:30Understand?
24:32Yeah, I understand.
24:34Well, the day, Mr. Box.
24:36Good day, Mr. O'Connor.
24:37He'd have his dog back first thing Sunday morning.
24:40Right.
24:41And do yourself a favour, Mr. Box.
24:44Have a flutter on the second favourite.
24:46Ta, I need a win.
24:48Ta, I need a win.
24:51Guinness.
24:54Guinness?
24:54The dog likes Guinness.
24:57So do I.
24:59Yeah, but if you don't give it to him, he suffers from withdrawal symptoms.
25:26Well, let's get it over and done with as quickly as possible, eh?
25:29It's about your insurance.
25:30I'm from the company.
25:32Oh, well, there must be something wrong.
25:33You see, I've always kept up the payments.
25:35Well, of course you have.
25:36And now's the time when it pays off.
25:41What?
25:43I had to see you personally.
25:45The policy has matured.
25:52Oh, my God.
25:58Tommy!
26:00Tommy!
26:04Tommy!
26:05Tommy!
26:12Oh!
26:23Tommy!
26:28Oh!
26:29Oh!
26:30Oh!
26:31Oh!
26:31Oh!
26:32Oh!
26:34O'Connor's dog, the favourite, does his leg in training.
26:38So all O'Connor's left with is a handful of non-racing dog meat.
26:41What's that got to do with Mrs. McGregor?
26:44O'Connor then goes in search of a ringer, doesn't he?
26:47And his runner, Alf, comes up with your mug, what was quietly minding his own business outside
26:51Guild's shop.
26:52I still don't get it.
26:54Nobody knows that the fave's done itself right.
26:56The punters and the rookies still think the favourite's right.
26:59And they substitute Mrs. McGregor for Bulk and Prince.
27:02They put your mug in the favourite's colours, and he comes nowhere.
27:06But where's the point?
27:08O'Connor puts his money on the second favourite, which can't be beaten, and cleans up.
27:13Yeah, what do you mean, can't be beaten?
27:14Well, your mug's never seen a dog track in his life, has he?
27:17Rubbish.
27:18Eh?
27:18Just don't race him, that's all.
27:20What?
27:20Take him coarsing.
27:22Won't smell of a rabbit, and he'll beat most other dogs' hands down.
27:25You ought to see his timings.
27:27Yeah, he'd be different on the track, wouldn't he?
27:29I don't know.
27:39Well?
27:41Well?
27:43Hardly winning the football pool, is it?
27:46Well, still, it's something, isn't it?
27:51Robbie's dad and me took that policy out 40 years ago, and £2,000 was worth a fortune.
28:00He was earning £250 a year, and we still had fresh eggs for breakfast every morning.
28:05Yeah, and I could eat, drink and smoke for £3.10 a week, and go to the pictures.
28:13Yeah.
28:15It's funny, isn't it?
28:17Life?
28:19Life.
28:27I think I'll invest.
28:31Invest?
28:32Well, let's look at it this way, Tommy.
28:34I didn't have it this morning, so I might as well put it away again.
28:40Invest in what?
28:47Look at business I know of.
28:49She's a diamond, you know.
28:51A 100% gold-plated diamond.
28:54And then some?
28:56Trouble is, you see, it's not enough, not by a long chalk.
28:59Well, blimey, it's a start, huh?
29:00Yeah, but is it going to keep me out of a wooden overcoat Ronnie Day's having tailor-made problems?
29:04Well, it might stop you putting the buttons on it.
29:06Yeah.
29:0948 people.
29:10Oh, no.
29:17Not with your mum's money, Rob.
29:19Well, she said it was an investment, didn't she?
29:23A deutoxicum result of the pins on handicap.
29:26First, number two might pry jewellery into one...
29:29Are you certain?
29:30Look, I've checked all his timings, and he's got the edge.
29:33Yeah, but that's no certainty.
29:35No.
29:35When did you last take him out for a run?
29:38I do it every week.
29:39I've got to keep him fit, haven't I?
29:41I trail a rabbit.
29:43Aye?
29:44I get a rabbit, see?
29:45I trail it across a grass run and let him go.
29:48That's a shame.
29:49What?
29:50That the hare's not a rabbit.
29:52He's in the inside trap.
29:54One with a rabbit, and the other five won't stand a chance.
30:00It's...
30:02Gil!
30:03Yeah?
30:04Quick word?
30:05No credit.
30:09Um...
30:11Hypothetical question.
30:14Um...
30:14If I had...
30:16Two grand to put on a...
30:19A dog...
30:20Um...
30:21What would that tell you?
30:22Hypothetically, it would tell me that you know something I don't know.
30:26Well, how would I get round it?
30:28Hypothetically.
30:29Well, you'd shop around, wouldn't you?
30:31Hypothetical 50 here, hypothetical 50 there.
30:35Yes, that's what I thought.
30:38Robbie.
30:39Hmm?
30:40You don't, do you?
30:41What?
30:43Know something I don't know.
30:45No.
30:47Hypothetical question.
31:02It's Alfred.
31:03New Sarah.
31:13Hey, Dave.
31:14What about them wheels, then?
31:16Get your own.
31:17What about the point?
31:18What about the driver?
31:19Get a cab.
31:21Oh, good.
31:22This fridge is for ale.
31:24You rabbit.
31:25It's not going to breed.
31:26It's a club, not an abattoir.
31:30I'll tell you what, Ferry.
31:31I know where we can go.
31:38They're not in.
31:40Oh.
31:40Probably going round a pub.
31:43Are we going round there, then?
31:44Nah.
31:45What are we going to do?
31:47We're going to borrow it, aren't we?
31:49Tommy won't mind.
31:50But you haven't passed your driving test.
32:11Oh, my God, you nearly killed him.
32:14Oh, my God, you nearly killed him.
32:14Should be on the road, Ferry.
32:15Oh, for God's sake.
32:16Oh, God, I...
32:18Oh, my God, I...
32:23So this is it?
32:25Hello, Jane.
32:27You weren't supposed to come until the gala opening ceremony.
32:30My God.
32:32Oh, you won't believe it when it's finished.
32:34I hope not.
32:37What's the matter?
32:38Do you keep running out of materials?
32:40No, no, it's just that, uh, Geordie has to work unsociable hours, you see.
32:44He fell asleep other than that last week.
32:46Well, I hope you kept your job on.
32:48Well, I can always make it for you, Bob, you know.
32:53Not really the place for Demi, I suppose.
32:57What do you mean?
32:59Well, you know.
33:00No, I don't.
33:01Tell me.
33:02Well, late hours, that sort of thing.
33:05She seems to like it.
33:06Oh, she's great.
33:08She's great.
33:10She's really good.
33:14From what I hear, you're not far from the matrimonial stakes.
33:17I don't think it's an up-in-the-hard job just yet.
33:19From what I hear, you won't have any choice.
33:23I'll have a large vodka and tonic then while I'm here.
33:33For fuck's sake, Bob, I'm out of my stomachs back in the tramping line.
33:37It's got a dodgy class.
33:38That's a lot.
33:38You can say that again.
33:47That is it.
33:48That is it, Robbo.
33:49I'm never getting in the car with you behind the wheel ever again.
33:52Ferret, come here.
33:53I'd rather pay for a taxi.
34:01Well, do me a favour, Ferret.
34:03It's not me.
34:03It's the car.
34:04You mean the car I wanted to cluster round about?
34:06That could happen to anybody.
34:07No, it couldn't.
34:08It just had to be me.
34:09I've just got to get the hang of it, asshole.
34:11Well, do it on your own.
34:14I wouldn't mind, but I'm only doing it for you, am I?
34:17You've got no bottle, that's your problem.
34:19Give me a Guinness.
34:21Oh, princess, what are you doing here?
34:23Came to see the decorations.
34:25Oh, I told you to wait.
34:26Oh, couldn't?
34:27No, I didn't want you to see it till we'd finished.
34:29What do you think of it, though?
34:30It's good, isn't it?
34:30Obviously, I'm a chaulyer.
34:31He's going to have to do a bit more.
34:33Obviously.
34:36How do you do it all?
34:37Half a vodka and tonic.
34:40Did Dick tell you we've got a new name for the club?
34:42New name?
34:43Yeah.
34:44We're going to call it Oliver's, after you.
34:46After me?
34:47Yeah, Oliver's.
34:47In the hope that everybody's going to come back asking for more.
34:52Anything they do for you?
34:53Oh, you're getting to sound more like a club owner every day.
34:59Can I have a private word?
35:00Yeah.
35:05Debbie did it.
35:06Looks lovely.
35:07And now you want to throw her out?
35:10Up till now, she has been your only ally.
35:12And now you've managed to put her off as well.
35:14What's wrong?
35:15Well, how could you do it?
35:16It was only a suggestion.
35:17Well, she's taken it as fact.
35:18And she's not taken it too well.
35:20I thought you'd be delighted if she didn't work here anymore.
35:22What makes you say that?
35:25Nothing.
35:26I mean, when she goes, she'll go.
35:28In her own time.
35:29That's fair.
35:30Why?
35:31And don't tell her I was here, will you?
35:33Anything you say, Princess?
35:36Good.
35:40I'm sorry.
35:41I'm sorry.
35:43We're getting like Tom and Jerry.
35:45What?
35:46Well, every time we see each other, we seem to go into one.
35:51I just can't take it seriously anymore.
35:53What the hell do you mean?
35:55There you go again.
35:56Right.
35:57Robbie Box.
36:00Princess.
36:05You're right.
36:08Ever since you come back.
36:16Hello.
36:18Hello.
36:26Apart from being lovers, which I know that we're not anymore, um, you were the best friend I ever had.
36:33It's a bit you can't drive.
36:35Of course I can drive.
36:37What are you doing now?
36:38What, this minute?
36:40This second.
36:42That a lot?
36:45Do you fancy doing something silly like we used to do in the old days?
36:50There's a proposition.
36:52Come on, let's go and, uh, stuff a hair with a rabbit.
36:58Do what?
37:01This is madness, you know.
37:03I mean, you're mad, Robbie.
37:04So is half the world.
37:05The other half's insane.
37:06I've told him we've had his trousers.
37:10What happens if we get caught?
37:12You should have stayed back in the cup.
37:14What do you miss this?
37:15You can't even check it.
37:18Listen, we're not doing anybody any harm.
37:21In fact, what we're doing, we're doing the punches, the bookmakers.
37:25It is a favour.
37:26We're making a favour win.
37:28We're righting a wrong, that's all.
37:30You try to on the magistrate, that thing.
37:32Come on, me beauty.
37:35Oh, it's disgusting, this.
37:37It's me lunch.
37:39It's what?
37:40I call some on Saturdays and skin them on Sunday.
37:43What?
37:43Look, I buy a rabbit on a Saturday, give Mrs. McGregor a run, then on Sunday, rabbit stew.
37:49Oh, that's awful.
37:51Waste not, want not, as they say.
37:53I pop them in the pot and add veg during the week.
37:56Marvellous.
37:56It's a delicacy, isn't it?
37:58I tried roasting them once, but it wasn't the same.
38:04Shh.
38:05Shh.
38:09Four of the wobblers.
38:11Look, how do we know which one they're going to use?
38:14We're going to have to do them all.
38:16You can't be serious.
38:18Aye.
38:19You're going to be joking.
38:20Of course not.
38:21But one man and his dog.
38:24Even I know the dogs come out about 30 miles an hour.
38:27It isn't going to make any difference if you put Chanel number five on them.
38:30They're going to be going too fast to notice.
38:32Look, he's on the inside trap.
38:34The number one.
38:35The one with the hair.
38:36The hair with the rabbit.
38:48Alison.
38:50The money's in the emperors, right?
38:52Fifty quid a time.
38:53The number of the dogs on the inside.
38:55Now, you're all going to get a list of bookies.
38:56All different.
38:57None recurring.
38:58All you've got to do is hand them over the ramp and cop them to see it.
39:09Run, rabbit, run, rabbit, run, run, run.
39:20Bang, bang, bang, bang, goes the farmer's gun.
39:25Run, rabbit, run, rabbit, run, run, run, run.
39:31Run, rabbit, run, rabbit, run, run, run.
39:37Don't give the farmer his fun, fun, fun.
39:42He'll get by without his rabbit bar.
39:47So run, rabbit, run, rabbit, run, run.
39:53The dogs are on the way in the second race.
39:56The dogs are on the way.
39:59There are six runners in race two.
40:01Six runners.
40:02They all run on their program.
40:04You must have done that in your own run.
40:08Guinness.
40:09Oh, holy hell.
40:10Bloody good, eh?
40:11The dogs are on the way in the second race.
40:13The dogs are on the way.
40:15Well, this is it then, son.
40:16He looks good.
40:17I don't look.
40:19I've got my fingers crossed and my toes crossed and all.
40:21Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
40:26Well, you shut up.
40:28I'm trying to concentrate.
40:29Yeah, did you fence a couple of tickets for the arse now?
40:31What?
40:31Next to the chairman.
40:33You must be joking.
40:33I'm a fuller man.
40:35Achoo.
40:36Gesundheit.
40:44I'm getting a bit jumpy.
40:45I'm going out to have a look, all right?
40:47See you later.
40:49He's doing it again, isn't he?
40:51Where did that money come from?
40:53Was it again?
40:54You're joking.
40:55It was his mum's insurance.
40:57His what?
40:59Well, it matured, didn't it?
41:01It's about time he did it and all.
41:03Well, how much does he own now?
41:05Well, he still needs four for a runny day.
41:08Well, for what?
41:09Grand.
41:14And 770 for the piano player.
41:17For who?
41:18Oh, it's a long story.
41:21And all that before he gets to the tax.
41:26Oh, dear.
41:27What's the matter with you?
41:27Must be the pollen cat.
41:29Aye?
41:29I get a fever.
41:31Oh.
41:32Only trouble is, so does he.
41:34What?
41:34I hope he can still smell the rabbit.
41:38Fairyt, you're a millennial.
41:48Well, if this goes down the pan, there is no way I'll come see him recovering.
41:51You can always get a ball of soup in a Sally Elmy.
42:02Don't you think, Ben?
42:05I think that spot of paint in his nose could have been done by Van Gogh himself.
42:11Don't you think that?
42:26Don't you think that's a good one?
42:42Come on!
42:43Come on!
42:44Let's go!
42:46Let's go!
42:56It's a cool street.
42:57Focus in it.
42:58Focus in it.
42:59Lay of it.
43:00Lay of it.
43:01Focus in it.
43:03Focus in it.
43:05Where'd you get that lot?
43:07Outside a betting shop.
43:10You should have left it there.
43:14what did i tell you yeah you told me another half a length yeah
43:19and here is the result of the photo
43:27first chapter two
43:30second chapter one
43:34sorry robber
43:38he ran a good race son he did his best
43:40he ran a blinder
43:44well i think we could all do it a drink yeah
43:47come on come on
44:02come on
44:06one for you champagne
44:08tap order of the gods and for you
44:12what's the matter
44:13don't you like it
44:15i do
44:16how can you drink champagne at a time like this
44:48sh sh sh sh sh sh
44:48What?
44:49The arranger, Bert.
44:50Claims?
44:51Yeah, it poured all night.
44:52Yeah.
44:52You mean it's entirely unrated?
44:54Entirely.
44:55I took O'Connor's advice.
44:56We did the two dog, not the one.
44:58Mommy, I could kill you!
45:02I can't believe it.
45:04What does it mean?
45:06Mrs McGregor.
45:07Mrs McGregor.
45:08Mrs McGregor.
45:10Mrs McGregor.
45:10And here are the standard prices.
45:13That's two, four to one.
45:18That's almost eight grand, Rob.
45:21I've stayed earning nearly ten.
45:23Oh, no, no, no!
45:26Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
45:31no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
45:34You wouldn't be interested in selling that dog, would you?
45:38No way!
45:42It's all your pet, really, innit?
45:43Some pet?
45:46Mm.
45:55It's all your pet.
46:11Mm.
46:13This was your first test, wasn't it, Mr. Box?
46:17Yes, that's right.
46:18Of course.
46:20I never got round to it before.
46:22No.
46:24Well.
46:26Well, thank you for some memorable moments.
46:30Is your instructor in the office?
46:32He should be, yeah.
46:33I'd like a word with him.
46:38What about the code?
46:40Shouldn't you ask me some questions on the highway code?
46:43Not much point, really, is there?
47:13Not much point, really, is there?
47:13Not much point, really, is there?
47:13Not much point, really, is there?
47:13Not much point, really, is there?
47:13Not much point, really, is there?
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