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مسلسل The Good Place مترجم - Episode 4
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00:01Hang on, hang on.
00:02You're not supposed to be here either.
00:05You're a mistake, just like me.
00:07Yeah, and I'm freaking out, dog.
00:08There's so much thought to my brain, it's like my head is filled with rocks.
00:11How have you managed to stay undiscovered?
00:14Because I have had to dodge and weave and barely escape with my life.
00:18And you don't seem like a super genius.
00:24Hello, Jianyu. I'm Michael.
00:27Before we start, I know you were a Buddhist monk and kept a vow of silence.
00:31Would you prefer to remain silent here as well?
00:36You literally haven't said a word since we got here?
00:39Yeah, when I say I'm meditating, I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck is happening.
00:43I think we might be in an alien zoo or on a prank show.
00:46No, Jianyu, we're dead.
00:48Whoa, that's a dope prank. Gotta give it up.
00:51Okay, I need to make sure that this isn't some sort of weird trap.
00:57Is your real name Jianyu?
00:58No, it's Jason Mendoza.
01:00And by the way, everyone here thinks I'm Taiwanese. I'm Filipino. That's racist. Heaven is so racist.
01:07But Tahani said that you helped Michael by putting your hand on his chest and doing some sort of healing
01:12magic.
01:13Yeah, a nurse did that to calm me down once when I crashed my jet ski into a manatee.
01:18You crashed your jet ski into a manatee?
01:20Yeah. I'm from Jacksonville, Florida. That happens a lot.
01:23What did you do for a living?
01:25I was an amateur DJ, specializing in EDM, electronic dance music.
01:29I was also an amateur hip-hop backup dancer, an amateur body spray inventor.
01:34Um, I did pranks on Vine.
01:35None of those are jobs. What did you do to make money?
01:37Oh, I sold fake drugs to college kids.
01:40Okay. Good.
01:42Okay, here's my biggest question. How did you know that I didn't belong here?
01:48I figured it out the very first night. At the party. Using my powers of deduction.
01:54I heard you don't talk.
01:56Well, here's something for you to not talk about. I don't belong here.
02:01They made a mistake. Total phony. So...
02:08Okay. Later, man.
02:11Okay. I vaguely remember that.
02:15I believe you, Jason. You're not supposed to be here.
02:19Welcome to the bottom of the barrel.
02:29Hello, Tahani.
02:30Oh, hello, Michael.
02:32I was just picking out some fresh orchids for my nightly orchid bath.
02:36So, Tahani, one of your fellow residents is opening a new restaurant tonight.
02:40This neighborhood could use a real morale boost.
02:42And since you're an expert at event planning, I was hoping that you would help with the grand opening.
02:47Well, Michael, say no more.
02:49I wasn't going to. I was done.
02:51Well, good, because of course I will.
02:54Janet. Hi there.
02:55Oh, hello, darling.
02:56I would like to model tonight's event on my most successful gala.
03:00That would be 2006 fundraiser for stem cell research in Barcelona.
03:05Barcelona, actually.
03:07Oh, it was a perfect evening.
03:09Princess Stephanie was there.
03:11As would Potion Bex.
03:12You know, International Sophisticate Magazine gave us five Gwyneths.
03:16Tonight, I'm going to select my jauntiest suit.
03:20And I may even wear suspenders.
03:23It's one of the human clothing items I'm most eager to try.
03:26Oh, well, good luck.
03:28Thank you. Yes, yes. I'm excited. And a little nervous.
03:32I'd say that I'm cautiously optimistic.
03:35I hope I don't chicken out at the last second.
03:37Sorry, we're all talking about suspenders, right? Like these.
03:42You could do that without? I cannot wait!
03:46Excellent.
03:47So Tahani has no idea about me?
03:49No. She thinks I'm a monk and she thinks you're her best friend.
03:52Great. I mean, for us, it's a huge bummer for her.
03:56We need some place that we can talk in private.
03:58I agree.
04:00Let me show you my butthole.
04:03What?
04:03I should warn you, it's a little messy.
04:09This is my butthole.
04:10It's just like a hole where me and my buds can hang out.
04:13Oh, butthole. Okay, now I get it.
04:17I wrote down on a piece of paper that I needed a private meditation area.
04:21Tahani will never come in.
04:23Pretty unique decorating style you have here, Jianyu.
04:26It's like 12-year-old boy meets 13-year-old boy.
04:30Thanks. Janet helped me get all this stuff.
04:32She rules. Is she single or is she married to Michael?
04:37No, no, dude, you cannot date Janet.
04:39A, she's not human, and B, you have to keep pretending to be Tahani's soulmate.
04:44Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.
04:47Okay, just sit tight, dude. I have a class to get to.
04:49What? A class? I didn't know there were classes.
04:52Chidi is trying to teach me to be a good person, and it's really hard.
04:57Also, Michael has asked me to be his assistant, whatever that means.
05:00My whole situation here is getting more and more dicey.
05:03So I'm actually really glad to have a place I can come when I just want to be myself.
05:07Yeah, I miss being myself.
05:10Myself was the best.
05:24What's up, man? You Jason?
05:26You got two minutes.
05:27Fred Durst has thrown an orgy on a partially capsized yacht.
05:30My dad just texted. It already started.
05:33So I'll get right to the point.
05:34I listened to your demo. You're terrible.
05:38Really?
05:39Yeah. Okay, you just don't have any, what's the word? Talent.
05:43But don't worry, you have something better than talent, man.
05:46You got my approximate size and weight.
05:48I'm supposed to play this club for the rest of the week,
05:50but I just got an offer to DJ Scott Disick's after party for the amateur porn awards in Reno.
05:55Whoa, congrats, bro. That's a dream.
05:57That's your dream, man. It's my Tuesday.
06:00I just need somebody to fill in.
06:01Put on the helmet, press space bar on the computer.
06:04Those idiots won't know the difference.
06:05For the next week, Jason, you are acid cat.
06:10Whoa. There's a lot of old gum in here.
06:14Tahani, how are things going in the front of the house?
06:16Because to be perfectly frank, things in the kitchen are going great.
06:20Okay? I am right on schedule.
06:22Chef Patricia, I have triple-checked every single detail.
06:25Your restaurant opening is going to be the talk of the entire neighborhood.
06:29Thank you for your thoughtfulness and hard work.
06:31I could not have done this without you.
06:33Ah! Hello, Tahani.
06:36Sorry, I should have warned you.
06:38Patricia is actually very happy, but she's also very intense.
06:43It can be confusing.
06:44No, no, no. That's not what's bothering me.
06:46It's just that...
06:47I looked at the guest list earlier, and Jianyu isn't invited.
06:52Right.
06:53Jianyu is a beautiful spirit, but he literally doesn't talk.
06:58And since this will be an evening of lively conversation,
07:01and you'll be busy working, I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.
07:05I totally understand.
07:07Well-reasoned, Michael.
07:09As our spirits are fond of saying, try your best to hide your sadness.
07:15So the concept of the self is a key subject for a lot of great thinkers.
07:21In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu wrote,
07:23Knowing others is wisdom, but knowing the self is enlightenment.
07:30Ah, knowing yourself.
07:32Is he talking about what I think he's talking about?
07:35No, Eleanor, once again, none of these philosophers is ever talking about masturbation.
07:41Let's move on to this week's main event.
07:45David Hume's A Treatise of Human Nature.
07:48You read this, right?
07:49I did.
07:50Well, I tried to.
07:51Well, I tried to want to.
07:53Um, actually, could we postpone this lesson?
07:56I've befriended Jianyu from next door, and I thought I could learn from him.
08:00That's a great idea.
08:02Hume's bundle theory of the self is fairly close to Buddhism.
08:05Yeah, no-der.
08:08That's why I'm doing it.
08:11Do you hear music?
08:12That's not music.
08:16That's EDM.
08:21What are you doing?
08:23Eleanor, you were right.
08:25No more pretending.
08:26It's time for me to be myself.
08:27What's up, homie?
08:29Eleanor, you broke Jianyu.
08:36Okay, did we miss anything?
08:38Oh, take that jersey off, you goofball.
08:40Oh.
08:41Okay.
08:41This is not my fault.
08:42I swear.
08:43Eleanor, one hour ago, that man was a silent Buddhist monk.
08:47Right.
08:47But here's the thing.
08:48Jianyu is actually a guy who is nice.
08:53Hi, Tahani.
08:54I don't know.
08:54Chitty, what a lovely surprise.
08:56Don't mind me.
08:56I'm just dropping off my afternoon gloves and picking out my early evening gloves.
08:59How are you, soulmate?
09:01I'm cool.
09:05I'm sorry.
09:06Am I going mad, or did I just hear you say, I'm cool?
09:10Mmm, mm-mm.
09:12I don't think so.
09:13I don't think that happened.
09:14You're wrong.
09:16I see what's going on here.
09:18You've got a whisper in your snicker box.
09:20You're both helping Jianyu
09:23to regain his confidence to be able to speak again
09:26as a surprise for me.
09:28Aw, busted.
09:31My heart is soaring.
09:35So Jianyu is talking?
09:36Oh, how wonderful.
09:38I will do everything in my power to encourage him.
09:41Well, not everything.
09:41I won't give him a second mouth.
09:43Unless that would be helpful.
09:44No.
09:45Better not risk it.
09:46I've actually had a better idea.
09:48Who?
09:48Let's add Jianyu to the guest list.
09:50Chitty and Eleanor have been working with him,
09:52and they're good to be here.
09:53What a great idea.
09:54Patricia, we can fit another chair, right?
09:56Change the floor plan.
09:58An hour before opening?
10:00Of course.
10:02The more the merrier.
10:04Hurrah!
10:05I knew tonight was going to be perfect,
10:07but now it's going to be even perfecter.
10:09Obviously, it's impossible for something to be more perfect than perfect.
10:13Well, it isn't, actually.
10:15Any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect.
10:21That's how you got Beyonce.
10:23Oh!
10:26Oh.
10:28Bud hole.
10:30Okay.
10:30Now, tell me everything.
10:32Okay.
10:33Jianyu is a fraud.
10:35Just like me.
10:37His real name is Jason.
10:38He's a drug dealing DJ from Florida.
10:41It's going to be fine.
10:43We just need a plan.
10:44Oh!
10:44I got a plan.
10:46We hack into Michael's phone,
10:48download all his nudes,
10:50and then blackmail him.
10:51No.
10:52What are you ta...
10:53No!
10:53Yo!
10:54You should listen to me.
10:55I came up with hundreds of plans in my life,
10:57and only one of them got me killed.
10:58Dude, be quiet.
10:59You are not Jason.
11:00You are a monk named Jianyu.
11:03Got it?
11:15Oh, another great set, Jason.
11:17They love you, dude.
11:18They don't love me, man.
11:20They love Assy Cat.
11:22These shoes are fake.
11:23They hit my ears like boxing gloves of sadness.
11:27Whoa.
11:28That's some poetic thoughts, B.
11:30I gotta be myself.
11:38Attention, Jacksonville.
11:39I'm not Assy Cat.
11:42I'm Mr. Music, the DJ.
11:45And this isn't Mr. Music, the DJ?
11:47Original.
11:48No!
11:49Pow!
11:52Pow!
11:59Pow!
12:01Pow!
12:02Pow!
12:02Pow!
12:05Pow!
12:06Pow!
12:07Pow!
12:07Welcome to the opening of the good plates.
12:10Pow!
12:12Pow!
12:12Pow!
12:12I just got that.
12:14That's hilarious.
12:16Anyway, at some point or another,
12:18every resident in this neighborhood
12:20will fulfill his or her soul's true purpose.
12:24Chef Patricia has done that tonight
12:26by opening this restaurant.
12:30Now, if you'd all like to take a look at tonight's menus.
12:35That's right.
12:37With Michael's help, Chef Patricia has recreated
12:40each person's favorite meal on earth.
12:43Fun!
12:51It's my grandmother's mafe.
12:54Fresh perch, slow-roasted in a peanut sauce.
12:57Almost makes me forget how miserable I am right now.
13:01You want a tri-bite?
13:02Fish and peanut butter?
13:03No, I'm good.
13:04Thanks.
13:06Tofu?
13:07Oh, man.
13:08I'm ordering some jalapeno poppy.
13:10Just be quiet and eat your white sponge.
13:16Janet?
13:16Hi there.
13:17Hi. I didn't get a meal.
13:19According to our files, your favorite meal was
13:22the hunger strike you went on
13:23to protest Bolivian sex trafficking.
13:26Oh, right.
13:27Course I did that.
13:29Tommy.
13:31Great party. Check it out.
13:33Suspended.
13:35So dumb.
13:36So much dumber than belts.
13:39Oh, congratulations, Michael.
13:41How's Gian you doing?
13:43Is he opening up?
13:44Not yet.
13:45But I can tell he wants to.
13:47Don't worry.
13:48I've got a plan.
13:49May I have your attention, please?
13:51Later this evening, we will be enjoying
13:54Chef Patricia's delicious dessert.
13:56A stunning three-tier cake that took her
13:59a full week to complete.
14:00But first, I'd like to try something fun.
14:03Each one of you has a very special memory
14:06attached to the meal you're eating.
14:08Why don't we go around the room
14:09and share our stories?
14:11Who'd like to begin?
14:14I'll start, Michael.
14:17One day, I wasn't feeling so great,
14:19so I made myself a bowl of this chicken soup.
14:23When it gets to you, say something short and boring
14:26about tofu.
14:27No.
14:28I'm sick of pretending to be
14:29Jeannu the tofu man.
14:32I'm gonna tell the story about my real favorite meal.
14:34Which is?
14:35The buffalo wings at Stupid Nick's Wing Dump
14:37in Keynesville.
14:39Wings were free for ladies if they took their top off.
14:41Oh, boy.
14:42Chidi? A word?
14:43Anyway, that's how this simple soup saved over 10,000 lives.
14:50If Jeannu starts talking about topless buffalo wing restaurants,
14:54we're all screwed.
14:55Jeannu Lee,
14:57a Taiwanese monk who took a vow of silence at the age of eight
15:00and hasn't spoken since,
15:02is ready to share with us.
15:08Let me tell you about Stupid Nick.
15:14We need a distraction.
15:15Write the fork now!
15:19No, no, no, no, no.
15:20Eleanor, Shepatricia poured her heart and soul into this.
15:24Destroying it would be a truly cruel act.
15:26Yeah.
15:27No dur.
15:28No, no, no.
15:28You owe me.
15:29Glenn.
15:39Sinkhole!
15:40Everyone out!
15:41There's a sinkhole!
15:46Glenn!
15:47You broke the world.
15:50It's not a compliment.
15:54Glenn, stay calm.
15:56We're gonna get you out of there.
15:58And we'll put your soup in the fridge
16:00so it won't go to waste.
16:02I know that may not be your number one concern right now,
16:04but it was up there.
16:06It's real good soup.
16:08Let's go.
16:10Hey, buddy.
16:12You okay?
16:13No.
16:14I was just about to tell an awesome story
16:16about a wing eating contest that I lost
16:18and a barfing contest that I won,
16:20but then a hole opened up in the ground.
16:22I know.
16:23I made the hole to save you from yourself.
16:26You cannot let people know who you really are.
16:29It would be very, very bad.
16:35Beautiful, beautiful Jacksonville.
16:39What's wrong, dog?
16:40You look like you're freaking out.
16:42Things are bad, Pillboy.
16:44Assy Cat is suing me for...
16:45Bleach a contract.
16:47I should've never pretended to be someone else.
16:49It could cost me all my dreams in life.
16:51You got dreams in life?
16:53That's lit.
16:54Of course I have dreams, man.
16:56I don't want to be a DJ in Jacksonville forever.
16:59I want to DJ in Daytona, Tallahassee, Tampa even.
17:05I want it all.
17:06That's big goals, man.
17:08I know.
17:09But I believe in myself.
17:11Someday, the world will see what I already know.
17:14That Jason Mendoza is a beautiful, unique soul
17:19who has so much to give this world.
17:24Okay, that's Assy Cat's speedboat.
17:26Hand me the thing that blows it up.
17:29Sportals!
17:37Michael, I hereby tender my resignation.
17:40I can no longer in good conscience coordinate any further events in the good place.
17:43So, I am turning in my evening gloves.
17:46Tahami.
17:47Don't try to make me feel better.
17:49The launch was a disaster.
17:50Poor Gianni was so terrified that I fear he may never speak again.
17:54My hair is barely cascading down my shoulders.
17:57Tahami, please.
17:58I know your journey with Gianni has been frustrating.
18:02But your situation is actually very typical.
18:06Soulmates sometimes take months to really click.
18:09You have to be patient.
18:11And if anyone should take the blame for the restaurant disaster, it's me.
18:15I thought this neighborhood's troubles were behind us.
18:18And now I fear the worst.
18:21Michael?
18:22I hereby rescind the tendering of my resignation.
18:25We must keep the neighborhood together.
18:27What can I do?
18:28Oh.
18:28Well, the sinkhole should be repairing itself in about three days.
18:32Well, as soon as it does, we shall relaunch the restaurant.
18:34I'll hang posters to get the word out.
18:36And in the meantime, I'll host a brunch party every morning to lift people's spirits.
18:41While you repair the universe, I shall prepare the eggs.
18:45Oh, fanciful wordplay.
18:47Indeed.
18:48That is the Tahani that you know and love.
18:53So what do we do here?
18:54There's nothing to do.
18:56He's just gonna blab and get him and me both sent to the bad place.
19:00It's hopeless.
19:05I can't believe I'm doing this, but Jason, please come to my classroom.
19:11I will teach you ethics like I'm doing with Eleanor.
19:15And if you work hard and absorb the material, you just might be able to earn your place here.
19:24No, I'm good.
19:27Dude, Chidi is giving you a lifeline right now and you need to take it.
19:31Because you suck.
19:32You suck.
19:33I know.
19:35That's what I'm trying to tell you.
19:37We both suck.
19:38You know who doesn't suck?
19:39Chidi.
19:40He is putting himself in danger to help us.
19:43Because he, unlike us, is an amazing person.
19:46I didn't get into heaven to go to school.
19:49You didn't get into heaven at all, shirt for brains.
19:52I just want to be myself.
19:53That's a very, very bad idea.
19:56Do not be yourself.
19:57You need to be a better version of yourself, okay?
20:00And I do too.
20:01And our only hope right now is this kind, selfless, amazing nerd.
20:06Think about that.
20:07Do you have to call me nerd so much?
20:09I said a lot of other nice things, okay?
20:11Toughen up, nerd.
20:16Let's get crackin', teach.
20:17I read this entire David Hume book, and then I read it again because I didn't understand it the first
20:21time, and now I'm ready to go.
20:23Wow.
20:24That's really impressive.
20:26Where's John Yu?
20:27Honestly, I don't even know if he's coming.
20:30I am here to learn about ethnics.
20:35Wow!
20:36That's great, man.
20:37I mean, it's ethics, but that's great.
20:40Pretty sure it's ethnics.
20:41Hey, buddy.
20:42I'm proud of you.
20:44This is your first step towards not sucking.
20:47Cool.
20:47I just have two questions.
20:49When are football tryouts?
20:51And does this school have a problem?
20:54Oh, no.
20:56Oh, wow.
20:57For the first time ever, I'm the smartest kid in class.
21:18Oh!
21:21Oh!
21:22Oh!
21:23Oh!
21:25Oh!
21:26Oh!
21:29Oh!
21:29Oh!
21:30Oh!
21:59Oh!
22:09Oh, oh!
22:13Oh, yeah.
22:13Oh!
22:22Oh, yeah.
22:23Do you need this guy?
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