The fan-favorite stand-up returns to the stage after a ten-year hiatus with this special that got one million views in its first ten days on YouTube.
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #arnezj #arnezjcomedy
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #arnezj #arnezjcomedy
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00:00:07Make noise for the legendary
00:00:09Mr. Barnett!
00:00:30Stop, stop.
00:00:34Wow.
00:00:37I, uh...
00:00:39Number one, I'm very humbled.
00:00:41I'm very humbled.
00:00:42I've been in this business a long time,
00:00:44and we are doing this in Houston, Texas,
00:00:46like I promised we would get a taping here,
00:00:49and y'all got my heart.
00:00:52Just let me say thank you.
00:00:58So I want you to just leave all the racism outside,
00:01:02leave all the hatred outside.
00:01:04Anybody made you mad this week, leave it outside.
00:01:06That's not why y'all are here.
00:01:08Y'all are here to enjoy yourselves.
00:01:10And all the white people are here,
00:01:12thank you for coming out.
00:01:13No, really.
00:01:14No, because I know y'all ain't racist,
00:01:16because y'all here to see me.
00:01:18Unless you got my name fucked up.
00:01:21He's black!
00:01:23Arnaz!
00:01:24Well, we're here now.
00:01:30I do want to let y'all know I am on medication right now.
00:01:34I am so fucked up.
00:01:36I am not gonna lie.
00:01:37If y'all would just stop moving.
00:01:39Just, you know.
00:01:43I gotta say this.
00:01:44I just thank y'all so much.
00:01:47God is good.
00:01:48All the time.
00:01:49All the time.
00:01:50God is good.
00:01:51Won't he do it?
00:01:52Yes, he is.
00:01:53Do it when he wanna.
00:01:53White people join in.
00:01:54I know that's...
00:01:56You're like, there they go again with that black lingo shit.
00:01:59God is good.
00:02:00Yeah.
00:02:01All the time.
00:02:02We know that.
00:02:04Why don't he do it?
00:02:05That's totally up to him.
00:02:08Y'all might as well laugh, cause I'm coming after y'all.
00:02:10I'm doing everybody.
00:02:11I really don't give a fuck what your race color is.
00:02:15We're just gonna have fun.
00:02:17Enjoy life.
00:02:18And you black people think it's slick.
00:02:19Let me tell you why.
00:02:21When black people talk about you, they lean in.
00:02:23And I saw you motherfuckers leaning.
00:02:26White people point.
00:02:27They're like, oh my God.
00:02:28He's someone here.
00:02:29He's someone here.
00:02:30I saw y'all leaning in.
00:02:31And you...
00:02:33Nick him.
00:02:35Ooh, that jacket look tight on him.
00:02:37Fuck all y'all.
00:02:38Fuck you over there.
00:02:40Fuck you over there.
00:02:41I know that shit tight.
00:02:42Why do you think it ain't button?
00:02:45It fit when I bought it.
00:02:47I know I look like a sweet potato.
00:02:49I don't give a fuck.
00:02:50Oh, I forgot to give y'all this.
00:02:51Fuck y'all.
00:02:54Okay.
00:02:54Y'all got me warm.
00:02:55So we all right now.
00:02:57So anyway, and ladies, quit looking at me like I'm sexy.
00:03:00Okay.
00:03:01If you was in a club and I came up to you looking like this,
00:03:04you were like, girl, let's get the fuck out of here.
00:03:12Don't be afraid.
00:03:13Just enjoy yourself.
00:03:15Just enjoy yourself.
00:03:21It's so damn hot here in Houston though.
00:03:24God damn it's hot.
00:03:26I thought, nigga, y'all don't even understand.
00:03:29I felt my nuts drop out my drawers.
00:03:32And it's that type of heat that'll smack you.
00:03:34Y'all got that smack'em heat.
00:03:36You just walk outside and have a dip.
00:03:38Oh, nigga.
00:03:48I look gay as fuck like this, don't I?
00:03:52Okay, I'm gonna stop.
00:03:53I'm gonna stop.
00:03:57You know what?
00:03:58I, you know, I always look around, just look at the crowds and everything.
00:04:00Look at people.
00:04:01You two look so beautiful.
00:04:02Y'all got the same color on.
00:04:04Ain't that nice?
00:04:04I didn't know niggas did that no more.
00:04:10I look like two white Tweety birds.
00:04:18I got to say something.
00:04:19I'm a different type of comedian.
00:04:21You know, I, I, I, I, I, I pause myself not to be like any other comedian.
00:04:25That's why I don't watch other comedians.
00:04:26Whether you like me or not, you're always gonna get R and S J.
00:04:28And that's the way it should be.
00:04:30Like, I'm just gonna tell you the truth.
00:04:36Like, I couldn't have been no slave.
00:04:38I'm just letting you know.
00:04:39You know, I really couldn't have been a slave.
00:04:41Now, we all say that now because we live in today's time.
00:04:44But I really couldn't have been no slave.
00:04:46And I damn sure wouldn't have been no goddamn field niggas.
00:04:49Oh, I would have been in the house.
00:04:50I would have told on all y'all.
00:04:53Master, they running, master.
00:04:55Okay, come here.
00:04:56I'm gonna show you where they hill.
00:04:58Y'all come on.
00:04:59Y'all call.
00:04:59Come on out.
00:05:05And you know, they say.
00:05:08Okay, I'm just gonna be honest with you.
00:05:09There was some dumb slaves and there was some smart ones.
00:05:11Let me tell you why.
00:05:12You know, slaves back then they got sold.
00:05:14You know, they got sold from their families.
00:05:15Sold from their loved ones.
00:05:16Sold from each other.
00:05:18But here's the thing.
00:05:19Okay, we know that's what they did.
00:05:20But when they get ready to sell you,
00:05:22why you trying to make yourself look good?
00:05:24What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:05:25Like, they would say,
00:05:26Get on up here, nigger.
00:05:27We gonna start at 900.
00:05:28My nigga would swell up.
00:05:31They gonna buy you.
00:05:34They couldn't have done that to me.
00:05:36They would have called me.
00:05:37Get on up here, nigger.
00:05:45Y'all can't make me laugh.
00:05:47You know slaves didn't laugh back in the day.
00:05:49Tell me.
00:05:55Okay, here I come, man.
00:05:58We ain't gonna make no money, huh?
00:06:06And you know, they say, the white man introduced the proper dialect.
00:06:14Pronunciation.
00:06:15The correct way to talk.
00:06:17How are you?
00:06:18Everything's fine now.
00:06:20How's the family?
00:06:21How come we can't talk like them?
00:06:24And we so used to 9-1-1.
00:06:26How may I help you?
00:06:26Oh, my God.
00:06:27Someone's been shot.
00:06:28Give us the address.
00:06:28We'll send someone right over.
00:06:30That is so fucking boring.
00:06:31You need to get a ratchet ass nigga out of Akron.
00:06:35Doing 9-1-1.
00:06:389-1-1.
00:06:38Who did it?
00:06:40Somebody been shot.
00:06:41Nigga, where you at?
00:06:43Down on 54.
00:06:44Goddamn, I was getting there yesterday.
00:06:46Okay, I'm gonna send out the Amber Lamp.
00:06:48The what?
00:06:49The Amber Lamp.
00:06:51Oh, black people, y'all ain't gonna front with me tonight.
00:06:54Watch this.
00:06:55How do y'all spell Amber Lamp?
00:06:56Amber Lamp.
00:07:02Don't expect me to hop around like I normally do, Houston.
00:07:05Because I did something to my hamstring.
00:07:08And all the guys that played football and basketball and stuff,
00:07:11you know what I'm talking about.
00:07:12The last thing in the world you want is a pulled hamstring.
00:07:14And that season ending.
00:07:16And I don't even play ball no more.
00:07:18But you ever notice, in sports, when a black dude get hurt,
00:07:22you won't see him for about a month.
00:07:24White dudes get hurt, they get hurt on Friday.
00:07:26They there on Saturday morning.
00:07:29That's why we have white dudes on the team,
00:07:30because they don't give a fuck.
00:07:31They don't give a fuck.
00:07:31They'll play through a broke rib.
00:07:34They just want to win the game.
00:07:35Come on!
00:07:38We can fucking win!
00:07:39Dude, your rib is out.
00:07:41I don't care!
00:07:41Put it back in!
00:07:43Oh!
00:07:45Let a nigga think something wrong.
00:07:46Oh, hold up, cuz nigga, I heard that.
00:07:49Hey, hey man, y'all get somebody else.
00:07:50This shit broke.
00:07:51How you know?
00:07:52I heard it!
00:07:55And black dudes don't want you to touch the injury.
00:07:58Let me see.
00:07:58Uh-uh, go on now.
00:07:59Uh-uh, stop.
00:08:00It's all right.
00:08:01It's all right.
00:08:04Some of y'all, like, gonna make it through this show.
00:08:06You know what, ladies?
00:08:07As men, we ain't nothing but kids.
00:08:09We ain't growing up.
00:08:11Like, when we hurt, y'all let us stay home,
00:08:14cuz y'all think we hurt.
00:08:16Soon as y'all leave out the house,
00:08:17this is how we walk around.
00:08:19But as soon as y'all come in,
00:08:20we're like, baby, how's work?
00:08:21Everything all right?
00:08:22What's wrong with your leg?
00:08:23I hurt it again.
00:08:25What's wrong with your hand?
00:08:26They go together.
00:08:28And then you ladies say this.
00:08:30You want mama to kiss it?
00:08:31Yeah.
00:08:33Nigga, that ain't your leg, but they family.
00:08:36Don't leave out the family.
00:08:38And this is how you ladies kiss it.
00:08:40Let mama see it.
00:08:41Ma.
00:08:42What the fuck is ma?
00:08:43You better be French.
00:08:45Ma.
00:08:47He does suck that bitch.
00:08:51We have to in heed to everything you ladies say.
00:08:54We do.
00:08:55Like, we can't tell you ladies.
00:08:57There's certain things we can't tell you.
00:08:58We can't tell you y'all,
00:08:59when y'all gaining weight.
00:09:01We got quiet on that one.
00:09:03Even if y'all in the mirror, butt naked.
00:09:06We can't say shit.
00:09:08You look at us, look.
00:09:10We like, oh, baby, look so goddamn good.
00:09:13But this what y'all do to us.
00:09:14You gonna wear that?
00:09:16Oh, go put that black shirt on.
00:09:18That make you look fat.
00:09:20Then we like little kids.
00:09:21I can't do nothing.
00:09:24I will say this, though.
00:09:26If you're gonna have kids,
00:09:28you gotta have some girls.
00:09:29You have to have girls.
00:09:30I'm gonna tell you what.
00:09:31Girls are the nurturers.
00:09:32They're the ones that'll take care of you when you get old.
00:09:35They'll take you to the nursing home and fill out all the paperwork.
00:09:38Your sons will drop your ass off.
00:09:40And don't let the football game be on.
00:09:42Mama, hurry up.
00:09:42Get out the car now.
00:09:43Come on.
00:09:44Okay, you got your ID gone in there.
00:09:46Gone.
00:09:50Tell me when I'm lying.
00:09:52Now, I'm gonna say this.
00:09:55All the guys that play football high school, make some noise for me.
00:10:00Were y'all good?
00:10:01Y'all were good?
00:10:02Yeah, that's why he didn't get drafted.
00:10:03Okay.
00:10:05No, you got one that got drafted.
00:10:07Okay, well, that's good.
00:10:09But these other ones didn't.
00:10:10Why you making them mad?
00:10:12Here's the thing.
00:10:13Now, one thing I will say.
00:10:15Texas got some ball players.
00:10:16Let's just keep it real.
00:10:18You ever heard of Killeen, Texas?
00:10:20Well, I played for the Killeen...
00:10:21I played for Killeen High School.
00:10:23Let me tell you something.
00:10:23First of all, our school name was not hard.
00:10:26It was the Killeen Kangaroos.
00:10:28That is not a hard name.
00:10:30But here's the thing.
00:10:31I led my team.
00:10:32I was the smallest on the team, but I was the baddest on the team.
00:10:35Now, this ain't got shit to do with the show,
00:10:37but my therapist ain't talking about it,
00:10:39because I still got some issues.
00:10:40Now, I'm going to give this to y'all,
00:10:42because I want y'all to give it back.
00:10:43My position was free safety.
00:10:45Ladies, free safety is the last one back on defense.
00:10:48My height was 5'7".
00:10:49My weight was 147.
00:10:52Fuck y'all.
00:10:53Let me tell you something.
00:10:54Yeah, my helmet was too big.
00:10:56My nickname was Dynamite.
00:10:58And the reason my name was Dynamite,
00:10:59because I didn't give a damn how I hit you a bit.
00:11:01Bow!
00:11:02And them Southern coaches, when they see that,
00:11:04they're like, Dynamite!
00:11:05So, when he said that, I'm like,
00:11:07Now, I got me a growl.
00:11:09So, that's it.
00:11:10Now, what's my position?
00:11:12How tall was I?
00:11:15What's my weight?
00:11:16What's my nickname?
00:11:18Give me my growl.
00:11:20Okay, y'all with me?
00:11:21Y'all with me?
00:11:22Now, my coach's name was Coach Mohican.
00:11:25And he used to wear them tight football shorts
00:11:27with the double button.
00:11:28That nigga nuts and his dick was on the same side.
00:11:31And every time he talked, it looked like it was just,
00:11:33it was like going,
00:11:34like it was going all,
00:11:35hit me all in the eyes.
00:11:36It looked just like this.
00:11:41Now, y'all remember Temple, Texas, right?
00:11:44Temple got murderous.
00:11:45I'ma tell you why.
00:11:46Their name was the Wildcats.
00:11:47I ain't never known a kangaroo to whoop a Wildcat.
00:11:50So, we on the way to play Temple High School.
00:11:52Coach Mohican on the bus.
00:11:54Now, as a player, that's your coach.
00:11:55You gonna drink all the Kool-Aid.
00:11:57That's your leader.
00:11:58You gonna believe in everything he's saying.
00:12:00So, he giving us an inspirational talk.
00:12:02Now, we sitting down so his nut looked closer.
00:12:05And this is exactly how he talking.
00:12:06Don't make me laugh.
00:12:07He got on the bus.
00:12:08Hey, hey.
00:12:12Shit.
00:12:15Get ready to go down the temperature.
00:12:19I want you to fuck them up.
00:12:21Send them home.
00:12:22Suck them on their mama's titties.
00:12:24Ain't that right down the mountain?
00:12:25I was like, ah!
00:12:26Other players were like, ah!
00:12:28Like, ah!
00:12:29You're the Killeen goddamn kangaroos.
00:12:32Want you to hop-hop in their assholes.
00:12:34Make it bleed.
00:12:36Ain't that right down the mountain?
00:12:38Ah!
00:12:39Ah!
00:12:39Ah!
00:12:40Hold up, Houston.
00:12:41We finally get to the school.
00:12:43We drive around the back.
00:12:44That school looked like penitentiary.
00:12:46They had dudes throwing the ball.
00:12:48One of them had a cigarette in his goddamn mouth.
00:12:50Throwing the ball.
00:12:50They had cut off shirts above the nipples.
00:12:54These dudes had chest hairs, okay, in high school.
00:12:57One of the players on the bus looked.
00:12:59He said, hi, coach.
00:13:00Hey, you got the team out there?
00:13:02I looked up and said, no, that can't be them.
00:13:04That looked like a men's league.
00:13:06This one that got bad.
00:13:07Coach Marhican looked at the window and said,
00:13:09I don't know.
00:13:09Woo!
00:13:11When he said, woo, I knew he was in trouble.
00:13:14He said, Lordy, Lordy.
00:13:18This ain't going to end up good here.
00:13:22I tell y'all what, y'all just get out there and do what you can do.
00:13:25I'm like, nigga, what type of inspiration is that?
00:13:28Now, the coach is supposed to be your leader.
00:13:31He's supposed to walk you off the bus.
00:13:32This is what he said.
00:13:33Get on out there.
00:13:35I'll be out there shortly.
00:13:36Okay.
00:13:37Now we're on the field.
00:13:38The game getting ready to start.
00:13:40What was my position?
00:13:42Precision.
00:13:42How tall was I?
00:13:435'10".
00:13:44What was my weight?
00:13:451'10".
00:13:46Give me my nickname.
00:13:471'10".
00:13:48Houston.
00:13:49Give me my growl.
00:13:50Rawr!
00:13:51Okay, okay, okay.
00:13:53Coach has a play, ladies, called Cover Two.
00:13:55Cover Two means I go up in a slot in case they get ready to throw a pass and run
00:13:58a sweep.
00:13:59So he said, Dynamite!
00:14:00Cover Two!
00:14:00Cover Two!
00:14:01So I run up in a slot.
00:14:02I'm looking at the tight end eye to eye.
00:14:05I'm going to fuck your ass up.
00:14:07Oh, nigga, you ain't standing?
00:14:08Oh, my God.
00:14:11He said, what's happening, little man?
00:14:13I said, nothing.
00:14:14What you doing?
00:14:16Oh, this is going to get worse.
00:14:18The tight end was 6'2 at 198.
00:14:21All right, y'all ain't heard nothing.
00:14:23The two-back, which was called the halfback back then because they ran what was called the wishbone eye.
00:14:26The two-back was 2'21 at 5'11".
00:14:30The fullback was 258 at 5'9".
00:14:34That ain't high school weight.
00:14:36That's man nigga weight.
00:14:38That's I just got out of jail weight.
00:14:40That's that nigga weight.
00:14:45They wasn't even going to run a sweep to my side until they looked and seen how small I was.
00:14:49And the quarterback started laughing.
00:14:51319!
00:14:53319!
00:14:53319!
00:14:54319!
00:14:54Red Rover right!
00:14:56Red Rover right!
00:14:57Ladies, he changed it.
00:14:58It was called an audible.
00:14:59That means he changed his mind and he sent somebody to kill me.
00:15:03He gave the ball to the fullback and I heard it with my own ears.
00:15:06He said, go get that nigga on the end.
00:15:07There he is.
00:15:09I think the fullback, I think his eyes kissed my eyes, right?
00:15:12That's how hard he hit me.
00:15:14I said, that nigga kissed me.
00:15:16He didn't even give me a chance to pray.
00:15:18All I said was God.
00:15:19That's all I remember.
00:15:21And I know I was knocked out because I could see people.
00:15:23I just couldn't hear shit.
00:15:25People were stepping over me.
00:15:26I was like, oh, that's some nuts right there.
00:15:30My team was this way.
00:15:31I'm trying to walk to they side until somebody grabbed me to make that U-turn.
00:15:37And all the guys that played football, you never wanted to come out the game, right?
00:15:41I didn't want to go back in.
00:15:43He hit me so hard.
00:15:44I think he knocked me gay.
00:15:45I think he knocked me gay.
00:15:46Coach, when he said, where's Dynamo?
00:15:48I'm like, don't tell her where I'm at.
00:15:50Something wrong with my back.
00:15:51I think my spleen broke.
00:15:53Yeah, we lost the game.
00:15:55We walking on the bus.
00:15:57I'm the only one walking with an arch in his back.
00:16:00Now, when you lose a game, the coach is supposed to give you an inspirational talk to make you stronger.
00:16:05Not go after one player.
00:16:06We on the bus and this is exactly what he said.
00:16:08Now, we all get on the bus with our head down bleeding.
00:16:12The water boy was even bleeding.
00:16:14I don't know why he was bleeding.
00:16:15I think they just beat his ass.
00:16:17We're on the bus and coach was...
00:16:21I don't even know what the fuck they say right now.
00:16:2562 to goddamn nothing.
00:16:28Who in the motherfuck loses 62 to goddamn nothing?
00:16:32And they called the game in the third quarter.
00:16:36What happened, Dynamo?
00:16:37I said, nigga, I'm knocked the fuck out.
00:16:38How should I know?
00:16:39Thought I had a dynamite.
00:16:41Turned out I had a firecracker.
00:16:43Boom!
00:16:44That blew up on the field.
00:16:46One of the players said, we'll get them next time.
00:16:47Coach, he said, the hell you will.
00:16:49I quit today.
00:16:52Now, the reason I'm on medication, I just came off of a fishing trip.
00:16:56And this is my...
00:16:56I've never smoked or drank before in my entire life.
00:16:58This is my first time taking Dramamine.
00:17:01And they said, that'll make you sleepy.
00:17:03Okay, I get that.
00:17:04But that was three days ago.
00:17:06This shit is still on me.
00:17:08All of us have driven home sleep before, have we not?
00:17:11Because you haven't stayed over your girlfriend's house too much,
00:17:13should have left the club already,
00:17:14because you got a long way to go, or a family reunion.
00:17:17Now you're sleeping while you're driving.
00:17:19You know you should pull over, but you won't do it, will you, Houston?
00:17:22You start talking to yourself like you can make it.
00:17:24Come on, nigga, you got 34 more miles.
00:17:25You can make this shit.
00:17:27Then you start making noises you normally wouldn't make in front of no way.
00:17:30Yah, yah.
00:17:31Oh, yah, yah, yah.
00:17:33You roll down the window, make a tucumai.
00:17:36Start talking to the radio, radio.
00:17:40I drove past my house sleep.
00:17:42I woke up 10 minutes past my house.
00:17:44Like, oh my God, Jesus take the wheel.
00:17:47He said, nigga, who you think been driving?
00:17:49Okay, I'ma stop, I'ma stop.
00:17:52Look, I gotta say this.
00:17:57This Houston, Texas.
00:17:59Why ain't y'all watching all the Chinese that's coming here?
00:18:02Oh, y'all ain't been, they loading up.
00:18:04I'ma tell you why.
00:18:04Let me explain myself.
00:18:06Chinese start low, and then they go high.
00:18:08Let me explain.
00:18:09I'm at a little market, a little farmer's market that you got out here yesterday when we came in.
00:18:13And I'm looking at the meat, this little Chinese dude behind me.
00:18:18So I looked at my friend, I said, nigga, is he talking to me?
00:18:21I said, well, maybe he knows something about the meat he trying to tell me.
00:18:24So I said, hey man, there's some good meat.
00:18:26Then he went, hi.
00:18:28I said, nigga, who the fuck you hollering at?
00:18:30Don't be hollering at me, I don't know your ass.
00:18:32And he's still talking shit while I'm trying to pay for it.
00:18:35He's like...
00:18:37So I got mad.
00:18:41He's like, okay.
00:18:42I said, oh, I spoke Chinese?
00:18:45And then they say, we look alike.
00:18:46that's some bullshit you ever seen when a japanese person talk that would sound like they got to take
00:18:51a shit yeah y'all think that's funny huh keep that same motherfucking energy when i get to your race
00:19:01that's all i'm saying if you can laugh at them you can laugh at yourself that's part of our problem
00:19:08america this is why i'm doing this special i'm tired of racism right now you gotta laugh at
00:19:13yourself because there's something funny about all of us if you don't you're gonna grow up and be a
00:19:18miserable bitch god damn and enjoy life you know what i'm saying oh y'all don't know what i'm doing
00:19:24when i do that i'm so fucking tired of tiktok right now but he's got them new air dances and
00:19:29shit
00:19:33they need to get rid of tiktok you go to bed at 6 30 you don't go to sleep until
00:19:374 30 in the morning
00:19:38because you're flipping through tiktok all goddamn night can't even have a conversation with the
00:19:43person you're in the bed with because y'all turned the opposite way looking at tiktok oh baby look at
00:19:48my video look at that uh-uh look at mine look at mine
00:19:54i met these young youngs right well i've seen these young young i call young youngs 29 and under
00:19:59i've seen these young young having a little dance-off this girl jumped off of a damn table
00:20:02and did the splits in midair hit the foe in the in the splits i was like i know her
00:20:08pussy bone bro
00:20:09i mean i don't know if you ladies got pussy bones but i know about these bitches down here
00:20:13men know what i'm talking about these motherfuckers are tender as hell
00:20:17you ever rode a bike and hit one nut on hand in the bar it's never two it's always one
00:20:22because the other nut be like oh
00:20:25then you try to act like it don't hurt y'all right yeah y'all go ahead nigga i'll catch
00:20:28up
00:20:29that's because that other nut up by your heart
00:20:34so i can talk grown now right i can talk grown
00:20:37ladies can i talk grown to you okay yeah i hear you talking we're gonna find out
00:20:41now remember ladies y'all gave me permission when did they start shaving pussies
00:20:46uh-uh don't look at me stupid y'all gave me permission
00:20:49when did they start shaving pussies
00:20:52see you try no it ain't been no long time ago that's a damn lie
00:20:56they just started that bullshit that's a fad
00:20:58my mama never shaved her pussy
00:21:01act like you ain't never seen your mama's pussy
00:21:04act like you ain't never seen your mama's pussy she right there
00:21:07act like you ain't never seen your mama's pussy
00:21:11nigga i was 11 years old that was trauma
00:21:15my mama had jane brown down there
00:21:18she was butt naked i opened the bathroom like
00:21:22i didn't go to school for two and a half weeks i was blind in my left eye
00:21:27and we know back in the day our mama didn't know where the gym was
00:21:30nigga everything was loose on that body
00:21:33brr brr brr brr brr y'all know what i'm hitting
00:21:36brr that clit look like a punching bag
00:21:38brr
00:21:39brr brr brr
00:21:42i'm tired of you women shaving your little cat box anyway
00:21:44old baldhead pussies
00:21:47look like a piece of meat with a slit in it
00:21:51and then when your hair start prickling back
00:21:52it looks like you got the measles
00:21:55nah nah fuck that
00:21:56where the men that shave i know you're in here
00:21:58i smell clean nuts
00:22:00and one of y'all done use noxzema
00:22:05two of y'all at that table i smell it right now
00:22:08raise your hand raise your hand there's one you say look at me look at me get it up
00:22:19you're probably using the same clippers face probably smell nutty
00:22:28i say one time by accident okay let me tell you what happened let me tell you
00:22:35so everybody was shaving and i was gonna start shaving but i just didn't want nobody to know
00:22:40about it because i had talked about it so bad so i tried to be slick and i went and
00:22:43bought some
00:22:44neat no nair nair that was what i bought damn it i didn't know i put that shit on and
00:22:50wiped it off
00:22:51nigga i said it started tingling i said oh that must be the timer when i wiped it off my
00:22:58nuts was
00:22:58like a baby's ass i'm like oh you sexy bitch for about two days that third day something ain't right
00:23:12i tried to scratch the skin off my nuts
00:23:17my shit was so bumpy it looked like a nestle scrunch bar
00:23:22you know it's bad when the doctor look and say what the oh dear god
00:23:26you're gonna have to see dr pimple popper on that one
00:23:32i'll slow it up
00:23:36i told y'all i'm different
00:23:40you ever notice though we always have all these holidays one thing about
00:23:45white people they always on time on their holidays because
00:23:47when it's christmas they're already getting ready for the next christmas
00:23:51and they've already started did y'all have a good uh thanksgiving and christmas let me let me tell you
00:23:57what happened to me
00:24:00at thanksgiving i shouldn't even tell y'all okay i gotta invite these white people's house for
00:24:06thanksgiving all white i'm the only nigga there oh i'm going back because it was quiet
00:24:13soft music playing white people answer the door all kind welcome come on in
00:24:20karen yeah who's your friend arnaz what's going on pal i walk past their dining room table all the
00:24:28food on the table done and ready black people y'all know what the fuck i'm talking about two in
00:24:33the
00:24:33afternoon all the food already done turkey looks so good he look like a model looking at me on the
00:24:37table
00:24:39white people pull out the chairs one another no no you sit here no no don't worry you sit here
00:24:43they even changed my name arnie arnie arnie who the fuck is arnie
00:24:48they all bow their heads at the same time like a remote control may we bow our heads
00:24:54one dude said the blessing not in the black household you don't never get one dude saying
00:24:59the blessing everybody try to join in you at the black house dear heavenly father yes lord
00:25:04we like to thank you thank you jesus preach preacher the white house or one dude said the
00:25:11blessing dear heavenly father of god we thank you for this omnipotent like omnipotent ain't never said
00:25:19that word before white people don't reach for the food they ask for it might you pass me some of
00:25:25that
00:25:25cornbread thank you could you cut me a sliver of that ham not too much yummy you go to black
00:25:35people's
00:25:35house for thanksgiving no fuck that you go with nigger's house for thanksgiving all the kids running
00:25:40around you hear somebody say get out my goddamn couch baby y'all come on in the food almost ready
00:25:47what you mean almost it's 6 30 what the fuck are you doing turkey still pink on one side shaking
00:25:53at
00:25:53the table like a crack head because it ain't done in the black household don't try to sit at the
00:25:58table somebody gonna move you over all the time you're like nah nigga i'm sitting there moving
00:26:04and in the black household there's always that one family member we don't never want to say the
00:26:08blessing because he ratchet but he got an ankle monitor on so we're just trying to brighten his
00:26:15spirits we're like jerome we're gonna let you say the blessing damn real cool
00:26:21come on jerome don't mess up nigga ain't nobody gonna fuck up the motherfucking lord prayer
00:26:26jesus just texted me and said get this nigga out your house now you got jesus cursing
00:26:33now the reason i do this type of comedy this way is because i'm trying to put everything in the
00:26:38forefront without offending people i'm just trying to preach the truth i'm tired of racism i'm tired of
00:26:42the word racism we should be over this shift we can make this better but you gotta want to make
00:26:48it
00:26:48better this diversity in here i love it so what you latino so when i'm black so what you white
00:26:54so
00:26:55when i'm black invite me to your house i invite you to mine let's learn about each other so what
00:27:00we come
00:27:00from different cultures so what if you go down to white neighborhood during christmas holidays all
00:27:04the cars parked the same way so i know you black people like oh hell no white people's cars their
00:27:21windows ain't never cracked all the christmas tree lights all neat around their house they got big old
00:27:27picture pane window you can see the whole family and they're hanging up christmas ornaments music coming
00:27:31out of the house said the night when to the shepherd boy do you hear what i hear
00:28:02a child a child a child shivers in the cold we will bring him silver and gold
00:28:14why is always one think they can out sing the whole church and i heard it right down this line
00:28:20we will
00:28:21bring him silver just sing the goddamn song ain't no record deals coming out of here black people always
00:28:33try to make the song longer than what it is
00:28:39white people sing talk said the night when the night when to the shepherd boy yours and mine
00:28:51do you hear what a hark
00:28:56a child a child a child shivers in the cold okay i'm gonna stop i'm gonna stop
00:29:04now i don't went on our side of the track let's go to the other side of the track let's
00:29:09see if the
00:29:09laughter change it's been about 20 24 years now i know some of y'all remember because they went nationwide
00:29:15all over the news anybody remember the white girl that jumped off the uh the golden state
00:29:19bridge in san francisco trying to kill herself anybody remember that yeah well that's some
00:29:23white shit let me tell you why she lived 30 miles from the bridge she could have did that
00:29:27shit at the house that's all i'm saying and then she filled her car up why you filling your car
00:29:31up you
00:29:31ain't coming back then they say people that jumped to commit suicide halfway down they changed
00:29:37ain't mine how in the do you know did somebody jump with her let me know what's going on now
00:29:43this water getting close oh this is a true story then this white dude seen her jump got out of
00:29:51his
00:29:51car ran to where she jumped in and jumped in after he died she lived now he don't know what
00:29:58happened
00:30:00you can laugh you didn't kill him that could have been my mama let my mama jump and see what
00:30:05the
00:30:05fuck i do mama mama wait a minute whoa mama why you got the house keys
00:30:21y'all looking at me like you're a terrible son why wouldn't you have jumped in after your mother
00:30:26nigga i'm a good son my mama says stay out of grown for business bitch what the fuck i did
00:30:35my white family i love y'all but i need to ask y'all a couple more questions why do
00:30:40y'all always try
00:30:40to pet dangerous animals what the fuck is wrong with y'all y'all remember that chimpanzee that bit
00:30:46the lady's face off that's some white shit you ain't gonna see no black man go pet no monkey wait
00:30:52let
00:30:52me change that i know some of you women like what the fuck is a monkey ladies all y'all
00:31:02got a monkey
00:31:03i know the white women like oh my god we got monkeys yes she gonna go home and tell her
00:31:08friend karen we
00:31:09got monkeys yeah it's right here y'all aren't that so you don't even know him
00:31:19but a black man ain't go pet no monkey when they had their chimpanzee in the zoo before they shipped
00:31:24them out see the zookeeper asking the black dude hey hey before we ship him out you want to come
00:31:29meet simba nigga for what that's simba i'm arness nigga we good latinos won't even go over there hey hey
00:31:36you
00:31:36want to meet simba no that's okay i was a big fucker too he look like my cousin rafael
00:31:44white people not y'all you want to meet simba you won't even let the dude finish asking you you
00:31:48be like hey hey i know who he is simba look at him magnificent creature i think i think he
00:31:55wants to
00:31:55shake hands no no no don't worry i speak monkey watch this come on simba put it right now he
00:32:02done
00:32:02half eight to do now he on the five o'clock news sir can you tell us what happened to
00:32:07you okay
00:32:08what happened i went wait i gotta redo it i gotta be too i can't even look at y'all
00:32:13wait
00:32:17sir sir can you tell us what happened okay damn i wish i went to go pet simba and bit
00:32:25me in the face
00:32:26then he started squeezing my body he is now i gotta walk like this the rest of my life
00:32:33then y'all say some stupid like please don't hurt him it wasn't his fault
00:32:40simba bite me he gonna catch a glock and i'm gonna be waiting for him after zoo out
00:32:47sir who you ain't no timber okay i'm gonna stop i'm gonna stop
00:32:54you know latinos and blacks we do some stupid shit but white people the shit y'all do for instance
00:33:04y'all hunt we hunt y'all hunt bears we don't hunt bears usually when y'all hunt bears that's
00:33:11how it looks
00:33:13i don't know what i'm talking about
00:33:15i don't know what i'm talking about
00:33:16dude i'm so fucking turned on right now hell yeah
00:33:29oh there he is right there oh my god dude he's fucking 300 pounds gotta be
00:33:35you got the shot take the shot ball take the shot
00:33:40first problem you shot a 300 pound bear with a goddamn boring arrow
00:33:47i'ma fuck your ass up and i'ma fuck your ass up now i have a white friend who always hunts
00:33:54and
00:33:54always asked me to go and i have nightmares that i went and this is how i went
00:33:59aren't
00:34:00aren't ass
00:34:05aren't ass thank you for coming dude hell yeah whatever
00:34:16dude dude i'm so fucking turned on right now
00:34:27no no no no no not like that yeah all right we ain't gonna be doing that p-ditty
00:34:33shit you can go take that take that take that take that
00:34:42okay i'm gonna stop i tell oh let me tell y'all what happened in the bathroom before the show
00:34:47wait
00:34:47wait wait let me see if i see his ass i know he ain't there hold on hold on okay
00:34:51i don't
00:34:52okay now i'm actually snitching on myself not the dude that was in the bathroom with me so i'm in
00:34:56the bathroom earlier got my little willy walk out right so i'm doing my thing dude came in
00:35:00i said can i finish so i wash my hands and i dapped him up i get ready to walk
00:35:05out the bathroom
00:35:06i hear this noise what the fuck is that noise
00:35:12so i look at the seats to see if they moving or something no he vibrating in the stall
00:35:18i like dude i know you ain't over there pissing like that but i was so goddamn curious i couldn't
00:35:22help it i said goddamn no nigga where you get that motherfucker from he had two hands on that
00:35:28bitch like a ak-47 i know he cocked it i know he cocked it little young dude your big
00:35:35dick
00:35:35motherfucker i got this little whirly bird 22 right here
00:35:41all my old school don't front you know when you get older your pee slow down and just fall out
00:35:47your
00:35:47dick you know what i'm talking about you getting there you damn sure know what i'm talking about
00:35:56all my old school cats remember when y'all were young studs you could pee so good your pee could
00:36:02hit
00:36:02the car in front of you now you just pee and just roll under your balls you used to wake
00:36:08up in the
00:36:08morning your dick and your leg was stiff you had to pee up on your tippy toes now you just
00:36:12drop that
00:36:13bitch in the toilet
00:36:24okay i'm gonna stop i'm gonna stop let me ask y'all one more thing
00:36:29i need y'all to be honest all the women that lick balls raise your hand for me all the
00:36:34women that
00:36:35lick balls all the women that lick balls raise your hand for me all the women thank you baby thank
00:36:40you
00:36:40baby all the women that lick balls raise your hand for me all the women that lick balls raise your
00:36:44hand
00:36:44for me all the women that lick balls raise your hand for me all the motherfucking women that lick ball
00:36:50raise your motherfucking hand i know a ball looking when i see one okay wait the rest of y'all
00:36:56don't want
00:36:56answer okay okay okay all the men that's in here with a woman that lick ball raise your hand for
00:37:02me yes sir glory look at god yes sir glory god is gracious priest hallelujah let me tell you ladies
00:37:16something don't lick my balls oh that shit ain't cute to me he said well that's foreplay we're gonna
00:37:22play for why you look at my balls at the dick they want you a good wasting time and then
00:37:27you suck one
00:37:28on you make me uneven don't make me uneven then you give me a long ball i don't want no
00:37:32long ball
00:37:33and don't lick my damn ass either making me feel all squishy like i'm a female miss goddamn leg up
00:37:38in the air i know there's a man right now whispering this woman's ear don't listen on it ain't nothing
00:37:45wrong with licking ball baby i love old school music remember ludicrous and the main decree that
00:37:55song walking to atlanta boom boom boom boom who is it boom boom boom boom boom who did it and
00:38:02when
00:38:02ludicrous said who did it i said nigga that sounds kind of squishy i said let me redo it and
00:38:07make it
00:38:07man style boom boom boom boom boom who is it boom boom boom boom boom who did it it's just
00:38:16something
00:38:16about that part don't you hear when kids mock you and you want to knock the fuck out their ass
00:38:21because they won't stop doing it my nephew heard me doing it started walking around the house
00:38:26i said boy stop doing that i'm gonna knock the fuck out your little head i slapped him in the
00:38:33back of
00:38:33his head bow it only lasts about a second who did it now who been beat with extension cord it
00:38:41should
00:38:41be everybody black and one latino you notice ain't no white people got their hands up white people
00:38:48don't know what the fucking extension cord is they put their kids in timeout or put them in the corner
00:38:53what the fuck is the corner gonna do that ain't life changing latinos don't even know what the corner
00:38:59is jose get in the corner whatever which corner the left of the right you put a black child in
00:39:06the
00:39:06corner you know black kids from the hood always have double names little man man and they always
00:39:12arch their back so you want to act up at school huh get your ass in the corner now black
00:39:20kids go to
00:39:20the corner but they get bored too damn quick mom i'm hungry peanut butter jelly grilled cheese sandwich
00:39:32they trying to give you they menu
00:39:36my wife family i love y'all but your kids ain't meant for the corner they ain't built for that
00:39:41they lose
00:39:42their goddamn mind michael like no paul no michael i am so angry
00:39:50your teacher called in the corner young man oh what are you doing then they tighten their ass up like
00:39:56a tooth dear god please kill my parents and my sister too i hate her please make me a only
00:40:04child
00:40:07tell me when i'm lying remember the days when your parents or your mom had to come up to the
00:40:14school
00:40:15for you i went to a predominantly white school let me tell you about white kids they don't give a
00:40:19fuck if their parents come up to that school they know they ain't in no trouble mike mike there's your
00:40:23mom yeah whatever where's she i don't give a fuck now mikey mikey's mom talking to the teacher how
00:40:32are you no how are you who you're here for here for mikey i just gotta stop making me laugh
00:40:45i didn't need to talk to mike out in the hallway is that okay oh my god your hair is
00:40:48beautiful
00:40:50now mike's gonna go outside because he know ain't in no trouble mikey mom's calling you yeah yeah i know
00:40:55be right back yeah mom what's the okie doke i just want to let you know your grandfather's
00:41:00gonna pick you up from school because your dad and i were going hiking is that okay yeah sure go
00:41:04ahead since you go back to the classroom mike what your mom want who cares she's a bitch who cares
00:41:09latino mamas i don't give a fuck what you say latino mamas those are black mamas they just
00:41:14handle shit a little differently how are you no how about you who you're here for here for carlos carlos
00:41:23hernandez carlos mira been a key now carlos gonna go but he a little leery why she here
00:41:31i just need to talk to carlos outside for mama it's okay oh my god your hair is gorgeous carlos
00:41:36as soon as carlos get outside with his mama mama why you here this when the come out mama
00:41:41okay i'm gonna tell you why i'm here i told you to clean your fucking room you don't want to
00:41:46clean mama you stab me yeah i style you i style you i go to work i can't hold your
00:41:55room clean okay
00:41:56i love you have a good day carlos go back in the classroom bleeding out carlos what happened shut up
00:42:04fucker now everybody know when a black child's mama come into that classroom
00:42:11it ain't because he got all legs oh it's about to be some in the game because his mama still
00:42:16got
00:42:17her house coat on and when black mamas walk slew footed oh it's on and popping when she come in
00:42:22how are you yeah i'm fine uh-huh looking for a little man man now man man gonna cry as
00:42:28soon as he see his
00:42:29mama mama mama why is she here my skin is i'm gonna die here you can have my toy i
00:42:41don't want it no
00:42:42more oh i got it miss davis man man come here baby no mama go home bring your ass here
00:42:49man we don't
00:42:49curse in the classroom i don't give a fuck take his little badass home with you then and by the
00:42:54way who in
00:42:55the fuck did your head look like squirrels been up in that bitch bring your ass outside
00:43:02now white people you're saying to yourself black people don't really talk like that
00:43:07shiiiit
00:43:09now man man outside with his mama magically a belt comes under the house coat
00:43:16let go of the belt no mama please mama that's murder
00:43:21man man and mama going down the hallway going past people's classrooms other kids run outside who
00:43:28is that that's man man
00:43:32now we're gonna move man man up a couple of years man man now 14 going on 15. man man
00:43:40playing football
00:43:42linebacker man man playing for the clean caneroes man man lifting weight getting stronger he said he
00:43:49gonna tell mama she ain't gonna beat it with that extension cord no more i know black people like
00:43:53this is not gonna go well mama you can't beat me with that extension cord no more mama
00:44:04playing football
00:44:05playing football mama
00:44:05linebacker
00:44:09mama mama say challenge mama hit him with that extension cord why y'all man man buck up oh
00:44:18man man give mama to michael jackson
00:44:21now man man know mama can't hurt him no more because he too strong man man's real name is rns
00:44:27j
00:44:28rns j daddy did two terms of vietnam and he was a drill sergeant and when he came home
00:44:37somebody was gonna die when he started counting cadence i don't even know why he brought his job to
00:44:41the house my mother didn't even have to tell my daddy what i did she just had the stenchicle
00:44:46waiting for him glad you're home honest said he ain't gonna cry no more what you gonna do
00:44:53that was the green light for my daddy i tried to talk to my daddy
00:44:59i like daddy can i talk to you he said no we don't need to talk about nothing your mama
00:45:05told me
00:45:05everything i i didn't hear her say nothing now don't worry about it
00:45:17come on down come on down i'ma whoop that ass you ever had the sound knocked out of you wow
00:45:29and my sister took sign language she thought she was helping
00:45:35he said hurt daddy
00:45:40he's there he can't breathe
00:45:45he's there about to faint daddy
00:45:51what you crying for
00:45:57that delayed cry
00:46:00and black parents beat you just good enough to send to your room with your meat tender eyes
00:46:06because they're gonna come back later on that night and finish the job
00:46:11you ever been beat out your sleeve
00:46:12baby i thought i was dreaming wow
00:46:25wow
00:46:27this message came out of my head mayday mayday mayday this is not a drill wake up your booty meat
00:46:34is
00:46:34outside of your skin call 9-1-1 and social services this is a cold 10 beat down
00:46:50and when you get beat with that stenchicore till it don't hurt no more because your body numb
00:46:56shit come out your mouth that wasn't even in your head
00:46:59it ain't even you talking it's a stenchicore spirit my daddy hit me with a stenchicore wow
00:47:08wow wow that's what i'm talking about right there wow i gotta do my taxes tomorrow
00:47:14nigga what taxes you 14 years old you ain't got no goddamn taxes
00:47:21now you want to be the servant son because you got your ass tore up
00:47:27you want to be the best son ever now
00:47:30daddy you want me to wash the house i'll wash the whole house daddy
00:47:37now your daddy don't beat you back into slavery lord
00:47:42take me down by the river jesus help me lord
00:47:49all the other kids what's wrong with all this he got beat
00:47:54and you still got that slave mentality when you go to school you don't even know it
00:47:58you're in the classroom your teachers hey did everyone finish their homework i did miss david
00:48:03i finished my homework things i was gonna get an a on there with him
00:48:09thank you so kindly that miss david right there
00:48:18i gotta tell y'all this i just got me a uh what do you call them uh the dogs
00:48:26you say
00:48:27rescue dog don't get one oh they put the okey dog on me i went to this kennel looking for
00:48:35a dog
00:48:37you gotta trust your heart i knew i should listen to myself
00:48:40i went in there i should have known something when the manager came to me i thought no we can
00:48:43help
00:48:43you here what you do just go in there see what dog you like you know make the connection
00:48:53then when you make the connection just let me know
00:48:57nigga i went in there looking at that dog there was so goddamn many dogs in there everybody hopping
00:49:01around dogs barking wagging their tail but you ever notice like when there's something wrong
00:49:05it's always something that lurking in the dark just lurking
00:49:11he was a pit bull he came out that came into the light and he's getting ready to go back
00:49:15in
00:49:15then our eyes connected we started talking telepathically he was telling me nobody loved me
00:49:23that's why i'm here by myself and my mind said i love you come with me and we will ride
00:49:31together
00:49:41his name was tigger i'm driving him home you know how you talk to your dog i said you gonna
00:49:46come home
00:49:46with daddy he's like i said you all right boy oh this nigga got tourettes
00:49:59so i went and had him neutered because i didn't know what was going on if you ever got a
00:50:02male dog
00:50:03don't have him neutered i didn't know it affected will affect them like it did it affected tigger so
00:50:07bad it ain't even ticker no more it's tt he don't even walk that motherfucker slide when he walking down
00:50:14his back feet be behind him and he used to hop in the truck now he just slide his ass
00:50:19in the seat
00:50:23i tried to roll down the window so he can stick his head out nigga rolled it back up
00:50:35i gotta tell y'all this everybody knows who the artist known as prince is right
00:50:41would you ever believe that prince would call you at your house
00:50:44prince called me before he died let me tell you what happened how i got my number
00:50:48he saw me performing on television he wanted to meet me he was on his tour bus well his makeup
00:50:54artist
00:50:54knew me look at god and he wanted the numbers himself so he could make a call and call me
00:51:00which is cool but what wasn't cool she didn't call me and let me know she gave prince my number
00:51:07so you know i'm talking to a dude on the phone i don't know it's prince and i'm gonna show
00:51:10you how
00:51:10the phone call went i'm not gonna sugarcoat it my phone rang i answered hello voice on the other end
00:51:16uh good morning uh good morning let's be darned let's put something i was like oh hold on cool
00:51:26it's too early in the morning we call a nigger's house sounding sexy
00:51:30nigga my dick don't know your man this got a tracker on it and prince don't laugh like a regular
00:51:35person he's like oh yeah that's funny yeah man's gonna be darned i said it's him who's this it's the
00:51:44artist
00:51:46i said you got a rattlesnake in your throat who the is this it's the artist
00:51:53darling prince yes the artist
00:51:57you know i didn't believe but i played along okay artist purple rain black rain whatever
00:52:01you want to call yourself if you're really him that do something that lets me know you're him
00:52:05swear to god prince of my phone said baby i said hold on a minute i put that phone down
00:52:09i said oh my god that nigga on my phone oh oh that nigga on my goddamn phone
00:52:19i didn't give a fuck i was a prince bitch
00:52:25i don't know if any of y'all have ever met prince
00:52:29or had a chance to talk to him that's the prettiest black man you ever want to see
00:52:33and you couldn't look at me in his eyes
00:52:38basically what i'm saying he could have fucked me in a bit i could have done about it
00:52:41but say please don't tell nobody
00:52:44nigga look at you i said hey hey what the
00:52:46fuck hey hey hey prince what am i doing come on good come on come on now we ain't got
00:52:51to do all that
00:52:57look at you men looking at me in disgust
00:53:00tell me he never would have fucked me he would have got your little pretty ass
00:53:04oh young young he would have got you we'd all been in the dressing room okay i ain't gonna say
00:53:09nothing if you don't he got a nigga i ain't gonna let me tell you something about prince real talk
00:53:15his eyes were so devastating you couldn't walk out of his presence unless he allowed you to go
00:53:23like i can talk to you okay i'll call you tomorrow and then i'm off he held you there with
00:53:26his eyes
00:53:32go that's the only time you can leave when he released you with his eyes
00:53:38now we're in the right place for what i'm about to say texas is a beautiful place but we know
00:53:44it's
00:53:44some fucked up here we know the history but y'all are making progress we got to bond together we
00:53:50got to get rid of this racism we just got to get rid of it even until god comes you
00:53:54got to get rid of
00:53:55it we all about love and humanity let me tell you something i just need to ask the question though
00:54:00why do white dudes get so mad when a when a when a white woman hold onto a black man's
00:54:04hand
00:54:05if a white guys with a black woman i'm not gonna get mad she chose you enjoy yourself but these
00:54:10white
00:54:11boys like y'all ain't as bad as the ones in oklahoma city oh god damn god damn
00:54:16fucking ass nigger i swear to god boy steering on white women sticking with the big black thunder
00:54:21cock where in the fuck did y'all get that word from goddamn thunder cock stick it in there it's
00:54:27over i
00:54:27can't go back in there it's over for me too like i'm looking at these beautiful white women very pretty
00:54:34i just never made love to a white girl i can't do it i i can't no y'all too
00:54:39nice i can't do it
00:54:41making love to a white girl she'll be like oh my god tear it up ernest
00:54:46the fuck i gotta have a black ghetto woman a section eight black girl nickel and they'll tell you what
00:54:54they won't get in this pussy bitch yes ma'am then they start talking that shit find your mama in
00:55:01that
00:55:01motherfucker find your mama find your mama mama go to the light mama
00:55:14maybe a latino woman that actually sounds sexy ay papi ay why do y'all lips always shake oh
00:55:23all your smells all your smells
00:55:28what's your name young lady elena i like that what's your name christina elena y'all are gonna
00:55:36represent all the white women right now and y'all better not lie tell me if you make love like
00:55:40this look me in my eyes oh yeah fuck yeah ah ah ah ah ah then you look back at
00:55:48him fuck yeah
00:55:50give me that fucking cock you fucking cock slayer oh yeah
00:55:57why do y'all always act like y'all man oh yeah like their exes oh yeah your mother sucks
00:56:04cock at
00:56:14what's your name home boy mr mark very nice to meet you is it elena elena is a pretty young
00:56:20lady
00:56:20need to ask you a question mark
00:56:24since you're part of the family now black women like to have that ass spank spank ass mr mark hell
00:56:31yeah
00:56:32fuck yeah a little harder yeah fuck yeah harder than that yeah you fucking you fucking whore suck my
00:56:38goddamn cock you don't worry mr mark black women like to wake up with a dent in their back ha
00:56:48oh my god
00:56:49girl you're going back over there yeah he got to do my other side
00:57:04some black women you can't spank you just can't like this one right here uh-uh she look like she
00:57:11hit a
00:57:11nigga back uh-uh what the fuck wrong with you hit me in my goddamn did i tell you to
00:57:17do it oh you like
00:57:18that shit uh you like that bitch oh yeah you like that right there
00:57:25i'll be in the corner crying
00:57:30i don't want anymore
00:57:45i just bought me a brand new ford pickup f-150 platinum champagne white it's colored
00:57:56i lifted it up about four and a half inches put 35 inch mags on that bitch oh it's stanky
00:58:01it's got that white boy look with a nigger chip on it
00:58:04and when white dudes see them trucks in the south they lose their mind i'm in Atlanta at a gas
00:58:08station called qg i tell you white boys scared the out of me oh pump again hey okay what's wrong
00:58:14he
00:58:15like goddamn son where you get that motherfucker from i like that son of a bitch right there hey hey
00:58:20t
00:58:20come over here like that yeah that's just on fire oh this gonna get worse i just bought that truck
00:58:28less than 600 miles on it just got t-boned got hit by a car that don't even matter
00:58:36a damn prius i know one of y'all got one you ought to be ashamed of yourself owning that
00:58:42car
00:58:43filling it up with ten dollars for nine weeks you think of the empty parking space in a mall
00:58:48there's two prius in one slot that's like owning a tesla does anybody here own a tesla by any chance
00:58:55anybody own a tesla thank god i wish i would god drive a goddamn car that does 200 miles an
00:59:00hour
00:59:00you can't even hear that bitch go by you what the fuck was that car sneaking away in a pair
00:59:06of house shoes
00:59:12you don't even know it's there until you look by accident oh where you come from i've been here
00:59:20what's that my engine i gotta have an american man engine that talked to you
00:59:26no i know some of y'all got cars that turn into humans too especially when you can't start that
00:59:32bitch wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait a minute i i i i i i ain't going
00:59:40nowhere
00:59:51i saw two teslas getting a head-on collision i didn't hear
00:59:59back to the truck that y'all not gonna believe me when i tell you this that prius totaled my
01:00:06truck
01:00:07went underneath it tore the whole a-frame you couldn't see it while i would just sit but when
01:00:11they tried to back my truck up that bitch started twerking i'm the only dude in my truck there's four
01:00:16niggas in that prius and all of them had on sandals that's right they were africans and let me tell
01:00:22you
01:00:22if you're from africa fuck you i don't give a fuck they probably gonna get me tonight when i leave
01:00:26anyway
01:00:30you were funny you were funny at the show now you would die by the lone dots
01:00:37you want to hear right now i'm making a phone call
01:00:41hello it's me shocker mo bb
01:00:46cue the whole club they are all laughing use the long dots
01:00:52i actually love african culture i love that way
01:01:12okay i'm gonna stop you know something i just thought about men are nasty
01:01:19i know i'm nasty i'm a scorpio i'm supposed to be nasty but y'all are more nasty than me
01:01:24yes you are let me tell you men why you're nasty you make love to your woman in there killing
01:01:28it
01:01:28hitting them sidewalls doing the loop-de-loop juice is flying and she fart on you you just keep
01:01:35fucking with your nasty ass you don't give a damn god damn what the fuck did you eat shit oh
01:01:45my god
01:01:46that one got scrimp on it i can't do it i can't do it you fart on me with oh
01:01:53hell no not today
01:01:56now i'm good i i i gotta cut the grass i learned that from my my grandmother houston we're in
01:02:03church
01:02:03on sunday two rows away from the pulpit my grandmother farted lit up the whole goddamn
01:02:09rope and i know it was her cause i seen her dress go like that did she try to put
01:02:14her arm around me
01:02:15like stop it grandma that smelled like that about 75 years old it was so putrid and nasty and punginous
01:02:22the pastor started cursing at church the pastor's like now as we come into the house of god god damn
01:02:29who just shitted in the house of god oh my god fucking church is over ain't nobody getting baptized
01:02:36today she's in my throat
01:02:42y'all are not gonna believe me when i tell y'all this
01:02:45i got i got invited to this church first time going this is the first time i found out how
01:02:52powerful and how
01:02:53much power pastors have over their congregation this pastor was preaching had the mic in his hand
01:02:59must have been another mic down by the pulpit he was preaching he said yes church let us turn the
01:03:04book
01:03:13up
01:03:14amen i was like hell no that congregation didn't say
01:03:19holy shit and he looked at everybody in there
01:03:31glory to god i just got up you stank
01:03:43i think i'm gonna let this be the last thing i talk about and then uh
01:03:50it's over
01:03:53y'all have been beautiful thank you so much i gotta say this somebody had asked me about my brother
01:03:59rodney
01:04:02for those of you that don't know who rodney is rodney's my handicapped brother and don't you dare
01:04:08feel sorry for him he is probably the most evil handicap that god has ever created and he look like
01:04:15this
01:04:15every day
01:04:19that's his favorite word
01:04:24oh he'll change up on you quick let me tell you a little quick story about rodney i had to
01:04:28go on
01:04:28tour for like two months so two months to me is like two years to rodney i'm his favorite brother
01:04:33and he's my favorite little brother but i came home a little early called my mother i say
01:04:36mom i said i'm i'm gonna pick rodney i'll spend a little time with him i'll be here for a
01:04:40couple
01:04:40days she said well come on baby i know he missed you so i go to my mother's house she
01:04:44opens the door
01:04:44like hey mama i'll give a kiss now rodney's standing behind my mother but he's mad as
01:04:48fuck nigga ain't moving i don't know why i've been gone and he's just looking at me
01:04:54i said ronnie come give your brother a hug
01:05:00squirrel nuts okay when when he say squirrel nuts that mean he mad okay i don't know why
01:05:06that's just his code word i said ronnie what's wrong
01:05:14don't you now i'm the only one that can understand i said ronnie i ain't been gone no
01:05:18dude you ain't that the fuck a big-ass noodle
01:05:21squirrel nuts i said mama it's all right but why yo i was letting ronnie curse us out we can't
01:05:25say back to him my mom like boy you know his condition ronnie looked at me you know my
01:05:32condition bitch so i wanted to make it up to her so i took ronnie to the seafood restaurant seafood
01:05:42restaurant packed everybody driving around looking for a parking space and everybody keep pulling
01:05:46going past the handicapped parking space not i i had ronnie so i drove into that slot i ordered
01:05:53food early so i'm getting ready to walk in why did this car block my car in so i couldn't
01:05:58go nowhere
01:05:58the driver's door was open but i didn't see nobody but i heard a voice hey i said who the
01:06:04fuck is he sounded like an electric shaver i swear to god hey hey good boy you got that car
01:06:10i said who the fuck said that i said ronnie you see somebody he owns his shit
01:06:20yeah you ain't got no sickle what you ain't got no sickle ronnie said
01:06:26he said you ain't got no sickle you heard all that yeah i said look at man i ain't moving
01:06:35my car
01:06:35till i see you this dude with every bit of two six i swear to god he came from behind
01:06:39the door
01:06:40i said dude dude i'm sorry my brother handicapped ronnie who the fuck you got handicapped i got a
01:06:55condition i said look here man i'm just gonna go no dude the food ready just let me no nigga
01:07:02turn the
01:07:02fuck off yeah you might move your car go get your hand whoop why did ronnie stick up for me
01:07:09ronnie came
01:07:11i was like hey there's gonna be nobody but squirrel nuts i'm in between two handicapped
01:07:19niggas this nigga had his own call back uh crab legs squirrel nuts crab legs wait hey hey
01:07:30y'all fucking my mind though ronnie get back in the car
01:07:38so i'm just me and the little dude there i say hey man look at him you caused a bunch
01:07:42of problems
01:07:43dude i'm just gonna run no i don't kill just let me go in no
01:07:50look no no no no no look no you gonna get your ass whooped i said you little two-foot
01:08:03crumper
01:08:03motherfucker you ain't gonna do that that started coming at me i'm like oh my god rodney
01:08:09uh-uh something wrong with him i'm out did y'all enjoy yourselves y'all have been beautiful my name
01:08:19is
01:08:19arnes j peace and love to you
01:08:51you
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