- 10 hours ago
The Cartwrights must make an unlikely ally in a Virginia City reporter when they must fight against a corrupt judge intent on stealing their land.
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00:10Morning, Marshal.
00:11Morning.
00:12Just tell me where I can find the officers of your newspaper.
00:14Turn up the first street, about a half o'clock down.
00:16You can't miss it.
00:17Thank you kindly.
00:20Here, here, can I help you?
00:25Here, the boy needs a hand.
00:26Oh, the Cartwright's going to take care of themselves.
00:28Well, it sounds like he's getting the worst of it.
00:30Yeah, it sounds like he is.
00:35Looks like somebody in there is hard to convince.
00:40Say, uh, you are the Marshal here, aren't you?
00:43That's right, stranger.
00:45Well, uh, shouldn't you go in there and break it up?
00:47Reckon not.
00:48People in this town mind their own business.
00:53No business in that poker game.
00:55Look, I told you to stay out of it.
00:56Listen, little Joe.
00:57Paul told me to take care of you, and that's exactly what I aim to do.
00:59Yeah, well, I can take care of myself.
01:01Little Joe, you get up on that pony right now, or else I'm just going to naturally clobber you.
01:10Who's the big fella?
01:11Oh, him?
01:12He's another Cartwright.
01:20I'm new in Virginia City.
01:21So I noticed.
01:22It's quite a town.
01:24Who are the Cartwrights?
01:26Oh, I reckon you'll find that out soon enough.
01:28I haven't asked you who you are, have I?
01:31No, that's right, you haven't.
01:32Maybe you shouldn't ask so many questions.
01:34Like I said, this is the kind of town where folks mind their own business.
02:39Hey, you.
02:41Hold this horse for me, my good man.
02:43Yes, sir.
02:44That won't be long, my dear.
02:54Mind telling me whose horse I'm holding, ma'am?
02:57Well, you haven't been around Virginia City very long.
02:59A couple of hours, that's all.
03:01Judge Jeremy C. Billington.
03:03Oh, is that so?
03:05The C stands for Clarence.
03:07Judge Jeremy Clarence Billington.
03:10Judge Jeremy Clarence Billington.
03:12He's the judge here in Virginia City.
03:15Yes, so I've noticed.
03:18I'm his wife.
03:22The judge says I'm a big help to him in his career.
03:25Oh, I can say that myself, ma'am.
03:27Virginia City Superior Court judges.
03:29Many friends in Virginia City have prevailed upon him to again seek office in the coming election as judge of
03:39the Superior Court.
03:41Very nice.
03:42There you are, my good man.
03:43Oh, thank you, sir.
03:45Winnie?
03:46How many times have I spoken to you about talking to strange men?
03:50I wasn't talking to him.
03:53He was talking to me.
03:55Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:58Ha, ha.
04:13Ha, ha.
04:15It's good.
04:17If you're trying to sell shares in your diggings, old-timer, I'm not interested.
04:21Well, as a matter of fact, you're looking at the most unsuccessful prospector that ever blistered his hands on a
04:26pick-handle.
04:27Then what brings you to a newspaper office?
04:29Your letter offering me a job.
04:31What's your name, friend?
04:32Sam Clemens.
04:34Sam Clemens!
04:36Well, I figured as long as I was starving, I might as well do a sitting on my backside at
04:40a job I know something about.
04:41You didn't strike it rich, huh?
04:43Good-looking press.
04:44No, all I did was prove how little an Eastern Tenderfoot knows about mining.
04:48Sam, it's good to see you.
04:49And I think you're going to like Virginia City.
04:51Well, I've been studying some of the people.
04:54How often do you publish?
04:55Every day.
04:57Every day?
04:58A little one-horse town 2,000 miles west of the Mississippi?
05:01Sam, the way we see it, the Mississippi's 2,000 miles east of Virginia City.
05:07Sam, you're looking at the only Bible the miners around here have any time to read.
05:11What if they can't read?
05:12Then they get someone who can read it to them.
05:15I like that.
05:16I think I'm going to like this town.
05:17It's a city, Virginia City.
05:20Virginia City.
05:23A noisy, rough lady with a lot of pride.
05:27I think I'm going to like her.
05:36Over here.
05:50What are you doing here, old man?
05:51Just eating my supper.
05:53You mean drinking it, don't you?
05:55You be mighty careful of that campfire.
05:56As soon as you get through eating, you clear out of here.
05:58I mean to, mister.
06:00Hey, we've got a lot of cattle here on the Ponderosa.
06:02If that fire got out of control, we'd be in trouble.
06:03Where can I know that?
06:05Anyhow, I'm just passing through.
06:07Well, the next time you just go around, you hear?
06:09Come on.
06:16High and mighty.
06:19Think I ain't got no sense telling me to put out a fire.
06:23Them cart lights.
06:24Oh, get there, come up on Sunday.
06:29Hey.
06:31Hey.
06:32Hey.
06:32Hey.
06:33Hey.
06:34Hey.
06:34Hey.
06:34Hey.
06:46Must be the spirit of some engine come back to earth.
06:49Come on, you.
06:51Let's get out of here.
06:57Things aren't always just what they seem in this town, Sam.
07:00Well, I'm learning fast.
07:02The Cartwrights like to fight, Judge Billington's word is law, and his wife, say, where'd she
07:08come from, anyway?
07:09She was in the chorus of a traveling girly show.
07:11Oh, that fuck is.
07:12You know, I, uh, I might write a series of articles on the colorful citizens of Virginia
07:17City.
07:17Which would land you in jail or up on Boot Hill.
07:19Well, let's get back to paper.
07:21Right.
07:26Quite a lot of characters you got here.
07:28What kind of things do they like to read?
07:30Oh, anything, as long as you keep it humorous.
07:32These men see death and disaster in the mines every day.
07:35If you want to read something, it'll make them laugh.
07:37And make them forget that maybe tomorrow they'll be dead or broke or both.
07:41That's right.
07:51Well, it's what time you brothers got home.
07:54What's new town?
07:55There was a tomb, Paul.
07:56Yeah, nothing happening.
07:58Yeah.
07:59Hey.
08:01Hey.
08:11Watch them in, Captain.
08:12High Valley.
08:12What are they doing there?
08:13I don't know.
08:13Let's find out.
08:14All right.
08:14Come on.
08:15Let's go.
08:17Let's go.
08:20Let's go.
08:48All right.
08:49Hurry it up.
08:55Here it comes.
08:57Get that stuff in the wagon.
08:59Quick.
09:15Now, what are you men doing here?
09:18Wait a minute, Cartwright.
09:19We don't want any trouble.
09:20You're trespassing on private property, mister.
09:23Well, you fellas own so much land around here,
09:25it's kind of hard to figure where your property ends and the rest of the world begins.
09:28Well, if you have any trouble figuring it, mister,
09:30we'll be happy to oblige you.
09:32Oh, we're pulling out.
09:33What were you doing here in the first place?
09:35Doing a little sightseeing.
09:37Thought one day you might want to sell off some of this land.
09:41What have you got in the wagon?
09:42Just some prospecting equipment.
09:45Let's not hold them up, boys.
09:46The man said they were moving on.
09:48The next time you want to know where the rest of the world begins,
09:52you might try asking.
09:55All right.
09:55Come on up.
10:02All right.
10:04Go!
10:11Wait a minute.
10:15What is it?
10:16It's like some kind of surveying equipment.
10:18Looked like them guys was lying when they said something about buying some land.
10:22Oh, they're interested in land, all right.
10:24I just don't think they're interested in buying any of it.
10:38Come on.
11:03Drinks are two bits, old-timer.
11:05Oh, half a drink, maybe?
11:11I can't recommend it, but help yourself.
11:13Oh.
11:14Oh, thank you.
11:15That's mighty sociable of you, stranger.
11:17Mighty sociable.
11:19I don't know you, do I?
11:21Nope.
11:22Then how come you...
11:23Oh, let's just say that today I'm filled with a milk of human kindness.
11:33I don't taste much like milk.
11:35Or human kindness, either.
11:42I sure needed that one.
11:44Covered a lot of territory today, huh?
11:46Oh, all the way from Ponderosa.
11:49Ponderosa?
11:49I didn't know the Cartwright's a lot of prospecting.
11:52Well, they don't.
11:53They run me off at high noon.
11:55But they'll get their comeuppance.
11:57I never saw a spirit dogging a place yet, but trouble didn't bust out.
12:00A what?
12:04A spirit.
12:07This one lives in the trees.
12:09It, uh...
12:10It come out and watched me all the time I was fixing to leave.
12:13Uh, who watched it?
12:14The spirit.
12:16And, uh, what did the spirit look like?
12:18Oh, it was, uh...
12:20It was big and black and active as two tomcats on a back fence.
12:24How big?
12:25Well, uh, it could have been about ten foot, maybe.
12:29Maybe even more?
12:30Oh, uh, it could have been, uh, fifteen or twenty foot, maybe.
12:34And wild, huh?
12:35Oh, wildest thing he ever saw.
12:38Wilder than a warshoes ever.
12:40It flicked from tree to tree, with a man's anita bush in each hand,
12:43and a wagon tongue in his mouth.
12:46Hmm.
12:47Twenty feet tall.
12:48That's what I call a man-sized spirit.
12:50It's...
13:06Reported to be twenty feet tall, and covered with long black hair,
13:10the wild man is said to flit from tree to tree, carrying off cattle,
13:15and picking his teeth with a wagon tongue.
13:19By all this wonderful whatever inspired this.
13:22Well, you said your readers liked a few laughs.
13:24Just so no one questions your sources.
13:27Well, I admitted second-hand reporting, but, uh, my source was pretty reliable.
13:31That is, until he had a couple of drinks under his belt,
13:33and then he, uh, tended to exaggerate.
13:38Well, it's plain enough to see what they were up to.
13:41You follow High Valley, bridge the Truckee, and drop down the West Slope.
13:45A natural route for cutting a road right through our property.
13:47Yeah, a road or a railroad.
13:49They intended to sneak in, make their survey, and sneak out before anybody ever saw them.
13:52Well, the question is, why and for whom?
13:55Come quick! Come quick!
13:56Too many people!
13:57People everywhere!
13:58All over Ponderosa!
13:59I'm saying you've got a bigger imagination.
14:02Hey, Pa, you and Adam are going to get out of here.
14:03There's people all over the place.
14:04They come to see the wild man.
14:05What? What wild man?
14:07Look, right here in the Enterprise.
14:10Wild man of Washou, loose on Ponder...
14:12Now, what fool would put a thing like that in the paper?
14:14Well, there's the name of the man who wrote it, Josh.
14:19Sam, take a look at this telegram.
14:20The San Francisco bugle.
14:22Confirm wild man story.
14:23Flooded with inquiries.
14:25Big city newspaper, too.
14:27Uh, which one of you fellows is Josh?
14:29Oh, that's sort of a pen name I use.
14:31Uh, did you, uh, write this?
14:33The wild man story?
14:34Yeah, sure I did.
14:35How'd you like it, Mr., uh...
14:36I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.
14:38Cartwright.
14:39Adam Cartwright.
14:40I'm Sam Clemens.
14:41Uh, I haven't been in Virginia City very long.
14:43Then I'm afraid you're not going to be around very much longer, Mr. Clemens.
14:45You see, this little, uh, contribution to literature, uh, brought 500 people tramping across the Ponderosa this morning.
14:51As many as that?
14:52Yes, they, uh, ruined the field of hay and scared the wits out of a herd of cows.
14:55Uh, we had to rescue four of them out of the duck pond, and my people are still trying to
14:59round up the rest of them.
15:00Well, it was just a bit of sagebrush humor.
15:03We, we had no idea folks would take it seriously.
15:06Yes, well, I want a retraction of the, uh, wild man story to keep these fools off our land.
15:11Oh, well, I'm, uh, I'm afraid that's, uh, kind of hard to do, Mr. Cartwright.
15:15You see, uh, I got the story from a very reliable source.
15:18Then you leave me no choice.
15:20I presume you know how to handle a gun.
15:22Oh, now, hold on, Mr. Cartwright.
15:23Uh, I haven't got any gun.
15:25Well, maybe you're pretty good with your fists, huh?
15:27Why, sure.
15:28Uh, when I was, uh, steamboating on the Mississippi, the fellow didn't like me very much.
15:31We had quite a fight until I tripped over a rope.
15:33Of course, he outweighed me, about five pounds.
15:36Uh, come to think of it, uh, I sort of hate to mess up these new clothes I just bought.
15:41Couldn't we, uh, settle this a little more peaceably?
15:44Are you trying to make a fool out of me?
15:46Now, I want that retraction tomorrow's newspaper.
15:49Well, you're making this a little difficult, uh.
15:52You see, the Enterprise never apologizes for stories of prints.
15:55It's, uh, kind of a policy.
15:57I see.
15:58Well, maybe I can help change that policy.
16:05Now, you understand about that retraction.
16:07You, you, you'll get your, uh, you'll get your retraction, Mr. Cartwright.
16:11You all right, Sam?
16:12Whew.
16:15I kind of like those cartwrights.
16:17Come on.
16:53You in there!
16:55That's a Bucks Canyon!
16:57There's no way out!
17:14Get out of them there!
17:31Hey, Pa!
17:34Hey, Pa!
17:35Here comes Adam!
17:38Got somebody across this horse.
17:39Maybe it's that Josh fella.
17:47Who have you got there?
17:49Found this boy roaming the hills.
17:51Is he all right?
17:51He's all right.
17:52Take him to the wash house.
17:53Let Hop Singh wash him up.
17:56Come on.
17:57Come on.
18:00Seems to me this Josh fella had you buffaloed, Adam.
18:03Well, what are you going to do when a man won't fight?
18:05What kind of a man is he?
18:06A coward?
18:07I don't know.
18:08Anyway, he promised to print a retraction.
18:10Well, I certainly hope he does.
18:11I don't want some fool reporter printing stories that'll send more people out here.
18:15It's hard enough as it is to keep an eye out for strangers.
18:18Now, listen, boys.
18:19I want you to be careful.
18:20Don't ride out by yourselves anymore.
18:23If someone is going to pull a land grab on us, they can't hide their hand much longer.
18:33Hop Singh, quick!
18:35Too much of foolish men.
18:36So what's the matter with you?
18:37Work hard.
18:38Make a fine supper.
18:39Wash a dish.
18:40No time for foolish men.
18:42Now, just settle down, Hop Singh.
18:43We got enough trouble around here already.
18:45You got trouble.
18:46Hop Singh got the foolish men.
18:48Give a boy.
18:49You say, wash up clean?
18:51Boy.
18:51Ain't no boy around here.
18:53Oh, Adam found some lad wandering around.
18:56Well, what'd you do with him, Hop Singh?
18:57Him no boy.
18:58Him girl.
19:00What?
19:01You go look-see, please.
19:03Well, Adam, if you don't know a boy from a girl...
19:05Shut up.
19:06Where is he?
19:06I mean she.
19:08Still in the wash house.
19:09Well, bring her in here.
19:11No can do, boys.
19:12Burn up close.
19:13All fairly bad shit.
19:15You know, I think I better see what I can do about this.
19:17Maybe you just better stay right where you are.
19:27Good luck, Adam.
19:28Good luck, Adam.
19:40You in there.
19:44Put this on and come on out.
19:49I tell you, I found her in the brush and that's all I know.
19:52Yeah, well, you should have asked me, Adam.
19:53I could have told you it was a girl.
19:56What are we going to do with her?
19:58Well, we'll get rid of her.
19:59Well, we'll get rid of her.
19:59Well, we'll get rid of her.
20:01This way, Missy.
20:14Hello.
20:19Won't you sit down?
20:36What's your name, John?
20:46Why did you run away from me?
20:51And she got no folks, no relatives?
20:56Well, perhaps, perhaps you'd rather not talk until morning.
21:02Oh, no.
21:05I think you're friends.
21:11My name is Rosemary Lawson.
21:14My father and I left San Francisco to come to Virginia City by wagon.
21:18My father was a schoolteacher, but he wanted to look for silver.
21:25We didn't have any trouble until we got into the mountains.
21:30Then one night, we were camped near the Truckee River.
21:35It was very beautiful there.
21:38We were very happy.
21:41We sat by the fire, and Daddy sang some old songs to me.
21:48Then I went to bed in the wagon.
21:52Later, I was awakened by pistol shots.
21:55I looked out, and there were strange men in camp.
22:01They've killed my father.
22:08Well, I think you've talked enough for tonight, Rosemary.
22:14Perhaps I can see that you get some hot food and prepare that room at the end of the bunkhouse.
22:25You rest well.
22:30Remember that Philly colt we found in the upper pasture last spring?
22:36Some skunk of a hunter that killed his mammy?
22:39Yeah, I remember.
22:42She was scared to death, too.
22:44It took us all day long to run her down.
22:47They did more to her than kill her father.
22:53It took us all day long.
22:53But maybe she was scared, but she gets us all day long to run her down.
23:19THE END
23:43All right, who are you and what are you doing here?
23:46I'm Dr. Ephraim Lovejoy.
23:48I represent, sir, a group of distinguished scientists.
23:51Scientists?
23:54Adam, what's in that wagon?
23:57Some kind of steel hooks.
23:59Grappling hooks.
24:00I'm going to fish for the body in the lake.
24:02The body?
24:04What are you talking about?
24:05With the body of the wild man, of course.
24:07Didn't you read about it in the Territorial Enterprise?
24:10I expect to get off an immediate report to my scientific group.
24:14What does it say, Paul?
24:18Wild man of Washoe is dead.
24:20His body having been consigned to the waters of Lake Tahoe,
24:23it will now sink to a depth of 200 feet where it will remain motionless,
24:27encased in a block of ice,
24:28while the pressure encountered reduces it to the stature of a child.
24:33I thought he was going to print a retraction.
24:35Yeah, some retraction you got, Adam.
24:37Surely, gentlemen, for scientific reasons...
24:39That article was written by a lying newspaper reporter named Josh.
24:42I had that buggy back towards Virginia City and fast.
24:52And put out the fire.
25:12Well, Adam, looks like you got your retraction.
25:13Josh killed off the wild man.
25:17Well, the next time I'm in town,
25:18I think I'll pay this Josh fellow a little visit.
25:26And I tell you, my friends,
25:28that never in the history of Virginia City
25:30has there been a greater need
25:31for a guardian of the rights of the working man.
25:34The miners who are putting the name Virginia City on the map.
25:38And those rights will be guarded.
25:41Now then, gentlemen, step up to the bar.
25:46Drink up, boy.
25:48It's on the judge.
25:49Yes, sir.
25:50There's two ways of winning an election.
25:52One's by going around making speeches,
25:54and the other's by sitting still and making friends.
25:57Friend, here's muddier eye.
26:00Well, I remember you.
26:02And I remember you, Mrs. Billings.
26:04Friend, see you on election day.
26:13I didn't invite you to sit down.
26:16Thank you anyway.
26:21You're a very good health man.
26:23And to the election of Jeremy C. Billington.
26:26You didn't come here to buy my vote.
26:29Well, he's the best man, isn't he?
26:30And what I always say, let the best man win.
26:32Don't you worry about it.
26:34My husband always wins.
26:35You know, Mrs. Billings,
26:37there's a funny thing about elections and contests of any kind.
26:40You never really know how they're going to work out.
26:43Now, back a couple of months ago,
26:45I was in California, a place called Calaveras County.
26:48And the folks there seemed to think that they wanted to hold
26:50a sort of a little frog-jumping contest.
26:53Yeah, I heard about it.
26:55You're the fellow who thinks up all that junk.
26:56Signs himself Josh.
26:58Well, I wouldn't exactly call it junk, ma'am.
27:02All right, what would you call it?
27:04Well, I'd call it some pretty fancy writing.
27:08Take my word for it.
27:10It's junk.
27:11Well, maybe you're right at that.
27:14A smart fellow like you shouldn't ought to be wasting his time writing.
27:17Or any other kind of silly stuff like that.
27:20Well, uh, what should I ought to do?
27:23You see, I tried prospecting.
27:24I couldn't make a dime.
27:27Prospecting?
27:28That's almost as bad as writing.
27:30There's a lot better ways of making a pile
27:32than going out in the hills digging for it.
27:35Hey, yes, I guess there are.
27:40Now, you take politics.
27:41There's a big future in politics.
27:43Well, there has been one
27:45for the last, uh, 5,000 years.
27:48No, I mean right here in Nevada.
27:51A fellow like you could go places in Nevada.
27:53Well, you see, there are a few places I'd rather see first.
27:56Well, what kind of places you're talking about?
27:59Oh, uh, London, Paris, Rome.
28:02You see, uh,
28:04when you're from Missouri,
28:05you've got to get out and take a good look at the world.
28:07Well, whatever for?
28:08Oh, to understand, uh,
28:11your own hometown,
28:12the friends you had when you were a child,
28:14sailing down the Mississippi in a raft,
28:17and, oh, you know,
28:18all kinds of junk like that.
28:20Believe me,
28:21you won't make a dime doing that either.
28:22The money's out here in Nevada.
28:24Like, uh,
28:25when you get elected judge?
28:26What's wrong with being elected judge?
28:28Oh, nothing,
28:29except the way it's done.
28:31You may be able to buy some votes with us,
28:33but, uh,
28:34you won't be able to buy what we print
28:36in the enterprise.
28:37One way or another,
28:38my husband's going to be elected judge.
28:41Isn't that, uh,
28:42sort of up to the voters?
28:44Well, I'll, uh,
28:46see you on election day, ma'am.
28:48Oh, and just for the record,
28:49Mrs. Bellington,
28:50I may never make a dime
28:51writing all that junk,
28:53but, uh,
28:54here's one vote that's sort of hard to buy,
28:56and I, uh,
28:57like to pay for my own drinks.
29:14Sam, I need a filler for page three.
29:16You know,
29:16something short and snappy?
29:18Yeah, I know.
29:19Give him a few laughs, huh?
29:21What's eating you?
29:22Oh, I don't know, Bill.
29:23I guess I'm getting a little tired
29:24of writing sagebrush humor.
29:26But you write this kind of stuff so well.
29:29Well, that's just it.
29:30It's, it's stuff.
29:31I like humorous writing,
29:32but I like to say something along with it.
29:34Yeah, make the miners laugh.
29:35That's the important thing.
29:37It is?
29:38How about making them think for a change, huh?
29:41About what?
29:43Well, the election, for instance.
29:44About the right honorable
29:45Jeremy C. Bellington.
29:47I don't think anybody in Virginia City
29:49knows there's another man running for judge.
29:51Well, there's Henry Walker, of course.
29:52He runs against Jeremy every time
29:55and always loses.
29:56People are getting pretty used to
29:58electing Bellington judge, aren't they?
29:59Yes, I guess by now they are.
30:03Then why is he spending so much money
30:05on his campaign this time, hmm?
30:06Now that you mention it,
30:08it is kind of unusual.
30:10Yeah, some of those Paris gowns
30:12that Minnie Billington wears.
30:14Miners are so busy looking
30:15at her low necklines
30:16they forget who's paying for them.
30:19Are you afraid the Enterprise
30:20won't print any story
30:21you happen to dig up?
30:22You know, I had a little bet with myself
30:24that you'd go along with me.
30:25Sam, this is a newspaper,
30:26not a comic strip.
30:27You come up with a story
30:28and the Enterprise will print it.
30:29Just as long as I sign it.
30:31Just as long as you sign it.
30:33All right.
30:35Now, let me see.
30:50Let's get out of here.
30:53Let's go.
31:23Ah
31:42Just a crease he ain't hurt bad
31:44Better have a good story this time mister
31:46I've got nothing to say
31:48Well you better think of something
31:49Why take it out on me
31:52The man you want is back in Virginia City
31:58Get it horse
32:11Ah my dear
32:13Today you are the epitome of feminine pulchritude
32:15Don't you talk dirty to me Jeremy Billington
32:21I won't be long my dear
32:51You done it?
32:52on your lash what's the meaning of this we'll ask the questions gentlemen i wouldn't like to
32:56cite you into my court for threatening you set out no we didn't come here to threaten anyone
33:00we came here to warn you now you stay away from miss lash there'll be no land grab in the
33:04ponderosa
33:04next time your men start shooting at us we won't be bringing them back to your live
33:20what do you think happened i uh think railroad stocks took a little drop
33:37it just doesn't make sense pal why would they bypass the main railroad line just in order to
33:42cut across the ponderosa 25 000 acres of prime timber and grazing land that's reason enough isn't it
33:47why the railroad people could grab that much land just by checkerboarding a right of way across our
33:52property well by checkerboarding they could seal off every other square mile of land that's right
33:58yeah but paul would any court in the land approve a right away that ain't nothing but a front for
34:02a land grab not unless they got to a judge hey you mean judge billington i don't think it was
34:09any
34:09coincidence at all that we found the judge in lash's office i wouldn't put it past the old scallywag
34:15is anything wrong hey adam hey take a look at what happened to that little boy you found
34:21well you sure look pretty you know i don't understand how i made such a big mistake
34:29and that obscene's a pretty good outfitter oh he bought a lot more than i need
34:34i don't know how to thank all of you
34:38somebody come here ride up on a mule
34:42that's all we need another scientific expedition rosemary let's find out who this is
34:53that newspaper reporter
34:55afternoon
34:58we uh we printed the retraction about the wild man so we noticed uh would you care to meet him
35:05well wouldn't that be a little hard to do after all it was uh just something i saw that dreamed
35:09up
35:10well mr clemens i think you should be given the opportunity of meeting the wild man
35:15there she is
35:17you mean she's uh that's right mr clemens there's your wild man 20 foot tall with a manzanita bush in
35:22each hand a wagon dug in her mouth
35:27well i don't know what they're talking about miss but you're the prettiest wild man i ever did see
35:32thank you
35:33uh mr clemens to what do we owe this visit
35:35well for one thing i thought you ought to know there are warrants out for your arrest
35:40warrants
35:42well i uh i think we ought to talk about this inside
35:45uh rosemary tell hobsing we'll have a guest for dinner
35:48yeah i'll take him you
35:49thanks
35:53mr clemens i homesteaded at the ponderosa
35:55bought indians and drove off outlaws
35:57i'm not gonna let lash or anybody else grab my land
36:00well if the railroad got illegal right away and checkerboarded the ponderosa with land holdings
36:05what would you do then
36:07fight
36:09we've got guns ammunition and friends
36:14you can't fight the law with guns
36:16i don't think you have the proper respect for guns mr clemens
36:19but you'd be surprised how many people have
36:23oh i got a lot of respect for guns
36:30good balance
36:31the thing is that sometimes you get right smack dab into a fight that you can't settle with guns
36:35or with uh fists
36:39that's right
36:40now if our hunch is correct
36:42everything depends on defeating billington in the election so he won't sell out to the railroad
36:46looks to me like we ought to get started in before the election
36:50you can't defeat a politician with guns
36:53but you might be able to with laughter
36:56you mean laugh him out of town
36:57something like that
36:58sometimes the pen is mightier than the sword
37:01well i don't know mr clemens
37:03i think i'd have to put my money on the sword
37:06yes up against that crowd i
37:08i think i'd count on my guns
37:10oh wait a minute boys
37:12sam if you want to fight this thing out with your pen
37:14well that's up to you
37:16but we'll be around with our guns to help you
37:18if you need us
37:20fair enough
37:21and i sure would like to know how you're gonna go about it
37:23just keep reading the territorial enterprise
37:42professor personal pronoun runs for office in virginia city by josh
37:47jeremy c billington friend of the miner the mill worker and the back alley dog
37:52spoke at a political rally last night
37:55most of the speech was devoted to the nobility of mr billington himself
37:59alarming number of sentences began with the pronoun i
38:03which qualifies the judge as a professor on the subject of personal pronouns
38:07during the discourse it was possible for this reporter to discover that the professor is against sin
38:13gravy on the vest and overflowing water cloggers
38:17you know this fellow josh gets right to the seat of the trouble don't he
38:21i guess a friend josh knows what he's doing after all
38:25josh claims professor personal pronoun will provide more free air stronger zephyrs taller mine mules
38:31he's making a fool of you
38:33that doesn't mean a thing
38:35i'll beat henry walker by three thousand votes
38:37billington i've got too big a hand in this game to take chances
38:42no quack newspaper reporter is going to stand between me and the ponderosa
38:55yes
38:57um
38:58oh
39:00yeah
39:01yeah
39:02yeah
39:02yeah
39:02yeah
39:07yeah
39:10yeah
39:22It doesn't look too bad.
39:24Well, you had enough?
39:25No, Bill.
39:27Building's got to be beaten for the good of everyone in Virginia City.
39:31And I think I might just have the story that'll do it.
39:38Sam!
39:40Sam!
39:47Want to see Judge Billington?
39:49I think the judge is retired.
39:51That's all right. He's expecting me.
40:24I'm from Lasher's office.
40:25It's about time.
40:28Is it in gold?
40:31Yes, it's gold, all right.
40:32We had to collect it from one of the gambling places.
40:34That's why I was late.
40:36Well, let me see it.
40:37Let me see it.
40:48And there she stood, nightgown torn right off.
40:52Oh!
40:55Gold pieces six inches deep around the prettiest bare feet in Virginia City.
41:00I wish I could have seen that.
41:04Money may be the root of all evil, but a lady without a nightgown sure takes the curse off it.
41:10Oh, and wow!
41:14Now, maybe Mr. Daniel Ash's foreman has a case pending in Professor Personal Pronouns Court.
41:21But if he has, we're sure this was just his tribute to feminine beauty.
41:26Oh!
41:29Beating up that reporter didn't stop him from writing more stories.
41:33Well, there's one way we can stop him from ever writing another line.
41:37That might be better all around.
41:39He won't amount to much as a writer anyway.
41:41By the way, I can make sure that I can get him out of my way permanently.
41:54My friends, my friends, in this election, do not allow yourselves to be tricked by the special interests,
42:03spearheaded by a libelous newspaper determined to overthrow the will of the common people.
42:09If I am elected, we will drive these thieves of liberty out of Virginia City.
42:16And once more, every man will be a king and every woman a queen.
42:23With deuces wild.
42:25My friends, my friends!
42:28Get up.
42:29My friends!
42:30Try anything and people get hurt.
42:31My friends, I believe in fair play.
42:35That's my motto.
42:37Fair play!
42:38What are you charged for at Billington, huh?
42:40My friends!
42:42Do not believe the lies perpetrated by a man who refuses to sign his own name to his articles,
42:49but insists on the evil job!
42:54My friends!
42:55My friends!
42:56Listen to me!
42:58You've known me all your lives!
43:00My friends!
43:01Oh, shut up!
43:01Your friend's my eye.
43:03Let's get out of here.
43:09What are you doing?
43:11What are you doing?
43:16So...
43:16We're doing what you're going to do now.
43:28Here we go.
43:40where's sam clemens he's covering the political rally aren't you folks taking a big chance coming
43:45into town well apparently not as much of a chance of sam clemens we heard he was beaten up it
43:49didn't
43:49stop him he's still going strong yeah how long can he keep on taking it
44:13you need some help that must have been quite a rally i gotta get the story on the presses
44:27this story out sounds like he's starting to riot what happened read about it in your next edition
44:32adam joe you next go
44:41knock off the fast food
44:57hey josh is your name anxious to read that story josh that's what's wrong what's wrong
45:04i know it all along it just wasn't right hey don't stop writing come on finish it
45:09for your sake sam finish the story
45:17us
45:38you know joe when i was a boy living on the banks of the mississippi i used to dream about
45:43becoming a river pilot someday oh dream about it some other time
45:49hurry up with that darn story huss watch the back door
45:54joe get down
46:00you'd have to live on the mississippi to know what it's really like the way those big old boats come
46:04down the river the ledsman standing out there on the bow taking the depth and singing it out to the
46:10pilot on the bridge on the bridge on a summer evening it has the sound of music
46:22music
46:22music if you don't get that story finish anything you're gonna hear is a funeral march
46:32i can still hear it mark four mark three quarter less three half twain quarter twain mark twain
47:15joe i've got it
47:17you sure almost did get it mr clevin no you don't understand i mean i've got it
47:21finally found my name wait your name samuel clemens no hoss i mean my pen name mark twain
47:27that means river running clear two fathoms of water beneath the keel that's what rivermen call real
47:33clear sailing everything's pretty clear around here right now mr clemens
47:40i don't know about that name mark twain seem to me like i've heard a lot better names than that
47:45before
47:46you sure that's a fitting name for a writer i don't know hoss we'll just have to give it a
47:51try
47:51you got the finish of that story sam everything but the byline sign it mark twain
47:58mark twain well it's better than josh well what happened samuel clemens
48:03i guess we've seen the last of sam clemens
48:06you know something i like it mark twain
48:12mark twain
48:15all right this is to go out of town
48:17here she is sam hot off the press professor personal pronoun won't be around anymore
48:28by mark twain
48:29that was quite a fight sam i guess you were right at that the pen is mightier than the sword
48:33anytime you want to visit virginia city again you just write us and let us know
48:36and be sure to sign it mark twain so we know who it is
48:39bye sam
48:39i sure will i'll sign it mark twain
48:43thank you
48:44thank you
49:17thank you
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