- 7 hours ago
First broadcast 1st January 2010.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Dara Ó Briain
David Mitchell
Graham Norton
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Dara Ó Briain
David Mitchell
Graham Norton
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hey! Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome to QI, the show-off
00:08show that sits at the front of the class, shouting, me, sir, me, me, me, sir, me, while other quiz
00:13shows are snogging behind the bike sheds.
00:15Tonight, we're celebrating genius with four of the most brilliant minds in the country. The Einstein of entertainment, David Mitchell!
00:26The Da Vinci of drollery, Darrow Brien! The Galen Leo of gags, Graham Norton! And the Morecambe of wise, Alan
00:43Davis!
00:49Oh, but before our SWAT team of SWATs don their white coats and clever clogs, we should hear their buzzers.
00:56And...Dara goes...
00:57University College Dublin, O'Brien. David goes...
01:02Peterhouse Cambridge, Mitchell. Graham goes...
01:06University College Cork, Norton. And Alan goes...
01:10Can I have a pee, please, Bob?
01:14Oh, that's...
01:17That's actually completely unfair, because Alan is, in fact, a graduate of the University of Kent, and he actually holds
01:23an honorary doctorate.
01:24So, Alan, can you press your buzzer again? We put it right.
01:27The doctor will see you now!
01:30Now, I have a very difficult first question, so I'm going to give you a bit of help. What I'd
01:34like you to do, you should have a bit of tissue somewhere near you.
01:37No!
01:39Have you got tissues anywhere? Yeah.
01:41I want you to stick a piece of tissue up your left nostril.
01:44Right.
01:44Like as if you had a nosebleed or something. This is weird, okay. Left nostril.
01:48Left nostril. Very good. You fall past that test.
01:50Well, two of you have.
01:52I'm going for real penetration.
01:56Yes.
01:56I can feel that there.
01:58Whoa!
02:00You came out of your ear. That would be a worry.
02:02All right. Now, say something intelligent.
02:22Er...
02:22Do you breathe through your left nostril mostly, your right nostril, or both nostrils?
02:26My arse.
02:26Oi!
02:28I've always suspected that one works better than the other, but I've never kept a note of which it is.
02:33Well, you won't be surprised to hear that some people do keep notes of how people breathe.
02:37Does it not alternate?
02:38Ah, you're right, Dara Breen. It does alternate. It has a periodicity of four hours.
02:43You swap from being mostly left to mostly right.
02:46And what's completely weird is that you answer questions on different types of subject better according to which side you're
02:55breathing through.
02:56Am I going to asphyxiate about half past 12?
02:58You might, Dara Breen. That's a very good point. You are allowed to breathe through your mouth if you want
03:02to.
03:02So, should we be keeping notes of when our, when, you know, of what shift work our nostrils are on?
03:08So, oh, if the left will be in charge from one till four, that's when I should be doing, sort
03:12of, maths-based things.
03:13Like, my tag presenter, if I'm going to write a poem, I'll wait till the more creative right nostril comes.
03:19Well, actually, if you're breathing through your right nostril, you should be better at visual and spatial tasks.
03:26So, right now?
03:27Yes.
03:28That's it. You should be good at visual and spatial things.
03:30And if you block the right one, you should be better at verbal things.
03:33I know it sounds mad, but you've probably heard of the study in 89 called Unilateral Nostril Breathing Influences Lateralized
03:40Cognitive Perfilments by Block, Arnott, Quigley, and Lynch.
03:44So, why don't all sports people constantly block their left nostrils?
03:48Well, actually, we've probably seen one of the sports.
03:50They actually, they put a piece of...
03:52A lasterplast.
03:52A lasterplast.
03:53Oh, that's the thing that's snoring.
03:54Yeah, the anti-snoring little thing.
03:55They do that to wind, so they're both open at the same time, so they get maximum, I guess.
04:00And often they snort drugs as well.
04:03They don't.
04:05When we watch a sports person with one of those things on, they're not only at their best at sport,
04:10they're also at their most verbally dextrous.
04:12Indeed.
04:12And visually and spatially, because they've got both wide open.
04:15Otherwise, they can't even go, mine.
04:19No, what have you got?
04:21What have you found?
04:23I think I lost the end.
04:27Oh, dear.
04:28It'll reappear, won't it?
04:30It'll all come to an adventure.
04:32They'll cry it out at some point.
04:34As he's going on eBay.
04:37They could do.
04:38You want to sign it?
04:39All right, yeah.
04:40Yeah, go on.
04:41But if you got...
04:42I don't think I've already left my mark.
04:44Blocking the right nostril makes you more emotionally negative, it appears according to another study.
04:49A higher score on the Spielberger state anxiety inventory.
04:52So, if you wish to feel slightly more cheerful, don't block the right nostril.
04:57So that's why now?
04:58Now you're quite bouncy.
04:58Yes, yes.
04:59You're quite bouncy and happy, aren't you?
05:01Oh, no.
05:03You block the right nostril.
05:06It's totally sad.
05:08I'm horrible.
05:10But if you keep them in, I'm going to ask you a question that will test your visual spatial.
05:13In the left.
05:15In the left.
05:15Keep them in the left, okay.
05:16Yeah, because it seems that the quickest way to improve your verbal reasoning is to shove a tissue up your
05:20left nostril.
05:20So, let's see how these tissues have worked.
05:23Consider, right, an n-dimensional hypercube and connect each pair of vertices to obtain a complete graph of 2 to
05:30the power n vertices.
05:31Eges?
05:31Yeah.
05:32Then colour each of the edges of this graph using only the colours red and black.
05:35What, that's my question, what is the smallest number, the smallest value of n,
05:40for which every possible such colouring must necessarily contain a single coloured complete subgraph with 4 vertices which lie in
05:47a plane?
05:476.
05:48That is exactly what people used to think.
05:53That's amazing.
05:55Brilliant.
05:57Further, further.
05:58That's absolutely extraordinary.
05:59Further up there.
06:00Further, yeah.
06:02Yeah, until 2003, most graph theorists thought the correct answer was probably 6.
06:07I can only apologise.
06:07But, probably from here with your old graph theory knowledge, how dare you?
06:11It's so difficult, isn't it, when you've got a busy showbiz lifestyle like yours to keep up with the graph
06:16theory.
06:17Yeah.
06:18Probably 8 or 9 hours a day, you're devoted to it now.
06:21Well, I have to say, I've got Graham's number.
06:24Have you got Graham's number?
06:27Er, no.
06:27I don't have that sort of relationship.
06:29You've not got that sort of relationship.
06:31There is such a thing, which is relevant to this, as Graham's number.
06:35No.
06:35But it's bigger than 6.
06:37Of course it is.
06:38It is so...
06:39It is really big.
06:41Try and think of a really, really big number.
06:4317.
06:44It's...
06:44Do you know what?
06:46It's even bigger than that.
06:49This number...
06:50Alright, now get hold of this idea.
06:51This number is so big, that all the material in the universe, right, couldn't make enough ink to write it
06:59out.
07:00It's called Graham's number, named after a fellow called Ronald Graham.
07:03And weirdly enough, scientists know that it ends in a 7.
07:06Which is really strange.
07:07But how did it end in a 7?
07:08Because you just turned that into an 8, and then it's a bigger number.
07:11But did he say it's the biggest number ever, it's just this is Graham's number, which is huge.
07:15You could have an other Graham's number, you could have Norton's number.
07:18Yeah, Graham Norton, I made an 8 at the end.
07:21But you can remove your tissues, incidentally.
07:23No.
07:24I think I'll miss it now.
07:25Oh, will you?
07:26Okay.
07:27I'm worried about what might come out when I pull it.
07:31The fact is, this problem is a graph problem, it seems.
07:34Imagine a cube with lots of different dimensions,
07:36where each corner of the shape is connected with red or black lines to every other.
07:39What is the fewest number of dimensions, so that you must end up with at least one single coloured square
07:43with the same coloured diagonals?
07:45Until 2003, they thought it was 6.
07:47Now it's been shown that it must be at least 11.
07:48The answer may well now be 12, but it's somewhere between 11 and Graham's number, that enormous number.
07:54Which is, it's quite a lot of room for error, isn't it?
07:57It's not really an answer, it's not a different answer.
08:00Greatest mathematical minds in the world just don't know what the answer is.
08:04It seems...
08:04I don't understand the question.
08:05Neither do I.
08:06Neither do I.
08:07I imagine they don't either, to be honest.
08:08I'm really hoping nobody tries.
08:11What they do know is, it ends in a 7.
08:14Now what music can you play to your children to make them brainier?
08:18I'm not going to be lured into saying any of the major classical composers,
08:21because that's what's sold to the parents of small children,
08:24that if you play them Mozart or Beethoven or Bach or something, you will make them smarter.
08:28Yeah.
08:28Yes, you're actually right.
08:29We obviously hoped, because we had a little forfeit lurking behind the screen,
08:33that said Mozart.
08:34Because people seem to have it in their heads that they read somewhere once,
08:37in some newspaper, that apparently there's a little Mozart.
08:40Oh, God, you could slap him, couldn't you?
08:42Oh, no!
08:45Spoiled little brat.
08:47He was on the tour, he was touring there in Europe at that age.
08:50He was born.
08:51He was dragging his arse.
08:51He was doing the clubs, basically.
08:53I'll be theory.
08:54The clubs going by the crowned heads of Europe.
08:55Yes.
08:57The Bourbon club and the Hohenzollern club.
09:00Yes, the fact is, there is no evidence at all,
09:02for the idea that playing Mozart to a baby makes them...
09:04I thought you were supposed to play natural sounds,
09:05because the noises of contemporary life are extremely destructive
09:09and create behavioural difficulties.
09:11That's why you mustn't have the television on until they're four or something like that.
09:14Oh, I haven't heard that particular one.
09:17That is not how parenting works, my friend.
09:20You train them to like the television as quickly as they possibly can.
09:25Because there was no ADHD until TV was invented.
09:28They're kind of coinciding.
09:28They're happy with HD, my friend.
09:31But is there music that makes them cleverer?
09:33Well, no, you see, there was some study,
09:35which has since been debunked by many other studies,
09:38which claimed that the IQ went up.
09:40But it was only done to students, not to children.
09:43You can't test any of these things on children,
09:45because you'd have to have a control group, as such.
09:47We'd have to have a baby that you're not playing Mozart to,
09:51in the hope that the child is stupider.
09:53And that is, that's a tough sell to parents.
09:55You'd like to test your child by denying him any intellectual stimulation,
10:00and hoping that he turns out dumb, in the end.
10:04But a lot of you said, we'll look after it 24 hours a day,
10:07for the next six months, to test this.
10:09And we'll be quite happy to hand them over there.
10:10We'll give him money.
10:11Ah.
10:12Presumably if you just play your child educational songs,
10:15like One Potato, Two Potato,
10:17then at least learn that.
10:19That's true.
10:20And could count potatoes.
10:21That's an important life skill.
10:24Growing up in Ireland, that was vital.
10:27Oh, one, two.
10:28That seems to be it.
10:29We had to go to the moment.
10:35Finish.
10:37Do you know about the English Mozarts?
10:39Do they mean anything to you?
10:40Have you?
10:41McFly.
10:45Very, very popular.
10:47High quality.
10:48High quality.
10:48You know, there were two chaps around.
10:49One was Thomas Lindley.
10:50He beat Mozart by playing a concerto at an earlier age,
10:53even than Mozart did.
10:55At 14, both boys played together.
10:56They looked to be future stars,
10:57but unfortunately, Lindley fell into a lake
10:59while boating was drowned when age 22.
11:02Yeah.
11:02No accident.
11:05There were no recordings.
11:07It's all very impressive to say,
11:08you played a concerto age whatever.
11:09It might have been rubbish.
11:11Yeah.
11:11Do they mean?
11:12It's just like...
11:14No, people travelled,
11:16they were the sensation of the age.
11:18The other one was Samuel Wesley,
11:19but most of his genius was suppressed
11:21when he fanged his head
11:21and suffered from mild brain damage
11:23for the rest of his life.
11:24Tripped by Mozart.
11:25Yeah, I was going to say,
11:26there seems to be a pattern emerging.
11:28So there's no evidence that, in fact,
11:30playing Mozart two children
11:32makes them more intelligent.
11:33If you can't dumb the kids up,
11:35how about dumbing them down?
11:36Why are exams so much easier for youngsters?
11:39These days.
11:41Yes.
11:41No, no breed.
11:42Thank you very much.
11:44Firstly,
11:44are they actually easier these days,
11:46or are they simply marked more generous
11:47these days?
11:48It is,
11:49it is,
11:50just one of these things,
11:50I'm sorry,
11:51this may be a national thing that you do,
11:52but you have a tendency to presume
11:54that you have a very stupid generation
11:56of kids in this country.
11:57Then you set them a series of exams,
11:59they all get A's,
11:59and you go,
12:00well, that proves they're stupid.
12:01Yeah.
12:02It is a horrendous cast 22 if you're a 17-year-old.
12:05My problem with exams, though,
12:07is that more and more people get A's,
12:09and so whether or not that's because
12:11they're getting more intelligent,
12:12or the exams are getting easier,
12:13or a bit of both,
12:14it still is defying the point of the exams.
12:16The point in exams is to tell people apart,
12:19not just to go,
12:20you're all great academically.
12:21Everyone can be professor of Latin.
12:24Yeah.
12:24Share the professor of Latin salary between you.
12:28And staff.
12:30Yeah.
12:31You're right,
12:31it should be done by a percentile.
12:32That's the point.
12:33Which is how it used to be done.
12:34And that's the point of our IQ test.
12:36And what's interesting about the IQ test
12:38is that each year it gets better by 0.3 of a percent.
12:42So 3% every 10 years,
12:44children get smarter,
12:45so they have to normalize.
12:48Yeah.
12:48If you go back to your great-great-grandparents,
12:50they would be,
12:51under the Mental Health Act of 1983,
12:54retarded.
12:56Actually,
12:56because they would have an IQ of 70.
12:58My great-grandfather signed his
13:00marriage certificate with a cross.
13:02But his name was Xavier.
13:04I don't think it was.
13:06Or perhaps you should have used a pen.
13:13I think Mensa is at the root of all this.
13:16Ah.
13:16They say without irony,
13:18Mensa on their website.
13:19It's Latin for table,
13:21which Mensa is,
13:22but that's not why it's called Mensa.
13:23It was originally called mens,
13:25which is the Latin for mind,
13:27but they realized their magazine
13:28looked like some special interest game.
13:32So they added an A.
13:34Already?
13:34I'm not being filled with confidence
13:36that this has been run by geniuses.
13:39It represents the round table equality of Mensa.
13:42Everyone's equal.
13:43There's no elitism at Mensa.
13:46Um...
13:47I'd like to set up a society for people
13:49who have an IQ of under 70,
13:51and then go and try and sell them pyramid schemes.
13:58The only thing that you might say is quite sober and interesting about this thing,
14:02it's called the Flynn effect,
14:03the fact that people are getting better and better at it,
14:05is under American law,
14:06if you have an IQ of 70 or less,
14:10you cannot be executed for a capital crime.
14:13You're considered a retarded,
14:14and therefore Flynn has often had to go...
14:18You know, people might have an IQ of 72,
14:19which means they're going to die,
14:21and he will say,
14:22ah, but yeah,
14:22but this was taken when he was a child.
14:24Surely.
14:25And actually revising upwards the 100 norm,
14:28he's actually 68 or something.
14:29So he is technically retarded,
14:31and he can save lives by doing that.
14:33It's very weird.
14:33Well, easy to throw an IQ test,
14:34I'd have thought of.
14:35Yeah, but they're taking his children,
14:37that's the point.
14:37They're not smart enough to throw an IQ test.
14:40They're smarter to realize.
14:41But they're usually taking his children,
14:42That is really planning a murder.
14:43If you're seven, going,
14:45I'll put a circle in here.
14:48That means 15 years you're dead.
14:53It's kind of the reverse
14:54of the sort of eugenicist argument
14:56that the Americans are using,
14:57where they're letting the stupid live, then.
15:01But anyway,
15:02young people find IQ tests easier than their parents,
15:05because apparently they're exposed
15:07to more problem-solving in their life.
15:09Maybe geniuses are born not made,
15:11and if so,
15:12how would you create a genius?
15:14Is there a way of ensuring a genius?
15:17Breeding two geniuses together.
15:20Well...
15:20Giving them a high-fiber diet.
15:23Lots of vitamin D from the sun.
15:26You mentioned eugenicists earlier.
15:28Tell me what eugenics is then.
15:29Yeah, tell us about your theory of my...
15:40Eugenics.
15:41From breeding if you think they might have stupid...
15:45People find...
15:47People find...
15:47People husbandry, isn't it?
15:49Yeah.
15:49And as Alan said,
15:50Nazism, of course,
15:51is the thing that...
15:52There weren't people of quite respectable
15:54antecedents and liberal points of view
15:56before Nazism who believed it.
15:58Eugenics may be a good idea.
16:00Not simply.
16:01But yeah,
16:02Bernard Shaw and many others.
16:03I did a game show in America a while ago
16:06and there was a contestant on with this woman
16:08and her sort of interesting fact,
16:11her fun fact about herself was
16:12that her father had been a serial killer.
16:15Right?
16:16And her other fun fact was
16:19she hadn't told her husband
16:21that her father was a serial killer
16:22until after they were married.
16:26So, you know,
16:27it's a light-hearted thing,
16:28but I'm trying to say to her now,
16:29you know,
16:30do you think
16:31maybe your husband
16:32would have been concerned
16:33about having children
16:34given that there's,
16:35you know,
16:36a serial killer in you,
16:38somewhere.
16:38And then,
16:39she went,
16:40no, no, no,
16:41he's been through similar things.
16:43His father commissioned suicide.
16:45And you thought,
16:46you've a serial killer
16:47and a suicide man
16:49and you thought
16:49that was a good team
16:50who would be splashing around him.
16:52You give birth...
16:53You give birth to a child
16:54who kills himself lots of times.
16:57It's a serial suicide.
16:59It's terrifying.
17:01When you say
17:01after she'd married her,
17:03how long
17:04was it
17:05before the speeches?
17:09Dad's about to say a few words.
17:11This might be worth catching.
17:15This may explain
17:16why he went with orange.
17:20The only one with
17:21plastic cutlery.
17:25Why are they wheeling your dad
17:27to hang out for his face?
17:31I suppose what you'd do then
17:32is you'd have a
17:33come-as-a-serial-killer
17:34themed wedding.
17:37Well, can we just now
17:38just go back to the past
17:39and on this subject
17:40of creating geniuses,
17:42who was one of the great geniuses?
17:44What, Da Vinci?
17:44Sidney Da Vinci?
17:46Exactly the one I was after.
17:47He was known to be a genius
17:49in his own time.
17:50I mean, they knew how
17:51astoundingly great he was.
17:52His brother Bartolomeo
17:55actually...
17:56Oh, you're an idiot.
17:57No, that's awful.
17:59Miss Bartolomeo
18:00married and he decided
18:01he wanted their child
18:03to be like his brother Leonardo.
18:05And oddly enough,
18:06it sort of worked.
18:07There's Leonardo dying
18:08and it shows he was,
18:10you know, he was kind of
18:11worshipped, Thomas.
18:11They realised how great he was.
18:12What's Rodney Bues doing
18:13in the background?
18:18It's defo Rodney Bues.
18:20He does look quite Rodney Bues.
18:22Rodney Bues is the Highlander,
18:24is he?
18:25What a weird, unsettling thing
18:27to discover that would be.
18:28In the context of
18:29the credit crunch
18:29and everything,
18:30suddenly to discover
18:31that Rodney Bues was immortal.
18:35Imagine on the news,
18:36and today it emerged
18:38that actor Rodney Bues
18:40has been alive
18:41for as long as time.
18:44So what is,
18:45given the things
18:45we've been talking about
18:46where I'm pretending
18:46to know what you're talking about,
18:47I actually really don't know
18:48who got the Bues.
18:49Do you remember
18:51the Likely Lads
18:53and then whatever happened
18:54to the Likely Lads?
18:54We didn't get that mileage, did we?
18:55No, we didn't get that.
18:56Oh, well, James Bonham
18:57and Rodney Bues,
18:59Rodney Bues,
18:59they played a couple of...
19:00That was basically him, there.
19:01Oh, right.
19:02Probably Leonardo da Vinci's hand.
19:04And the chance
19:04of meeting him in the future
19:05are very high.
19:07I have to say,
19:08the whole point
19:09about QI,
19:10right,
19:11is that the rest of the world
19:12talks about cultural things,
19:15reality TV,
19:16and pop stars,
19:18and Rodney Bues,
19:18and we talk about Leonardo.
19:20And what you've done
19:21by coming on,
19:22is we started,
19:22no, you actually,
19:23we started talking about Leonardo
19:25and we've arrived at
19:26Rodney Bues.
19:27That's the wrong direction.
19:29I didn't even know who he was!
19:34You're right.
19:35You're so right.
19:37I'm sorry.
19:38I think...
19:39I was very unfair when you grew up.
19:41I think...
19:41I was wafting in the rarefied air
19:42of Leonardo.
19:44You were, you're right.
19:44I think that...
19:45The stink bomb of Rodney Bues has...
19:48exploded over there.
19:49The boy at the back,
19:50you're right.
19:50To me,
19:51Rodney Bues looks older there
19:52than Rodney Bues in our present time.
19:54So I think Rodney Bues must,
19:56in the future,
19:57travel back in time
19:58to accept Leonardo Da Vinci's pulse.
20:01They're actually,
20:03I'm sure he's dead.
20:04Using the futuristic technology
20:06of pulse checking.
20:07The others there are all going,
20:09what's this weirdo Rodney Bues doing?
20:11It's got his head in his hands.
20:13It's so embarrassing.
20:13What is all he's had?
20:15I want James Bolan.
20:16Yeah.
20:17Yes, Leonardo is such a genius.
20:18He predicted the likely lads.
20:23He wanted James Bolan
20:25and Rodney Bues has turned on.
20:26And that's why I was like,
20:27oh no, it's Bues.
20:30I think the one on the right
20:31has definitely got his hand
20:32on his head for that reason.
20:34We ordered John Cleese and Connie Bues.
20:37The one,
20:38the one on the left is gesturing
20:39towards Rodney Bues
20:40as if to say
20:40Leonardo, who's this dick?
20:42Who's this dick?
20:44He's grabbed your hand.
20:45Are you going to go,
20:46seriously?
20:47Rodney Bues?
20:48Do you want Rodney Bues here
20:50as an actor?
20:51Yeah.
20:52That's Matthew Kelly anyway.
20:54Oh no!
20:55Oh, don't let him be Matthew Kelly.
20:58Oh Lord.
20:59I've now got a horrible feeling
21:01that the Brian Blessed
21:01on the end
21:02has had his head sawn off.
21:04And his brain taken out.
21:08But he's no longer Brian Blessed.
21:09I've told you to someone else.
21:13I don't know how that can be.
21:15Anyway.
21:18I wanted to discuss the fact that
21:22unbeknownst to him when Leonardo died
21:23he had a nephew called Pierino
21:25who was brought up to be a genius
21:27and actually kind of was.
21:29He was sent to Florence
21:30and he demonstrated great talent
21:31but sadly he died at age only 22
21:34leaving 20 works behind him.
21:36Pushed out of a window by a microphone.
21:37Yes.
21:38Or possibly by Mozart.
21:41Working in tandem.
21:43Exactly.
21:44The two you can't.
21:45Mozart having stolen
21:46Rodney Bues's time travelling technology.
21:48Yes.
21:49Exactly.
21:49Exactly.
21:50It all makes sense.
21:52Sort of.
21:53Yeah.
21:54What can you tell me
21:55quite interestingly
21:56while we're on the subject of Leonardo
21:57aside from the fact that
21:58Rodney Bues was his doctor
21:59which I'll say I didn't know.
22:01What can you tell me
22:02about The Last Supper?
22:05Peter, how's Mitchell?
22:06Did he sort of paint it?
22:08Is it true the reason it's peeling
22:10so badly
22:10is he didn't listen to the people
22:12who were experts in that kind of painting
22:14the way you're supposed to prepare the wall.
22:16He just said no I'm a genius
22:17I know best
22:17and sort of just slapped it on randomly.
22:20And so as a result
22:21it's decaying a lot worse
22:22than other sort of frescoes like that.
22:25I mean his own lifetime it started to fall apart.
22:27Yes he painted it directly onto dry plaster
22:29instead of on wet plaster
22:30which is what a fresco is.
22:31and then sadly
22:32in Napoleon's time
22:33it was used as a sort of
22:35store room
22:36or virtually as a dartboard
22:37yeah
22:37and stabling it was used as.
22:40It's because the door
22:40was knocked through the tablecloth wasn't it?
22:42You can see
22:42you should have been able to see
22:43Christ's legs
22:44but they just added a door
22:45so it was horribly vandalised
22:46in his own time there.
22:48I was surprised
22:48because they must have thought
22:49it's a bit rubbish
22:49it hasn't been done very well.
22:51No exactly.
22:52All the other fresco paintings
22:53are going
22:53the thing about Leonardo da Vinci
22:55he will not listen.
22:56Yeah.
22:57Exactly.
22:58Did he paint people in that he knew?
23:02I'm not sure in his case
23:03it was obviously a thing that used to be done in Renaissance art
23:06and this is
23:06I think they're all fussing about it
23:07I had the pita bread
23:08but I didn't have any wine
23:09so I don't see why I should pay as much as Peter
23:12Yeah.
23:12Are you amazing?
23:14Luke had that
23:14I'm not paying for that
23:15It's amazing
23:16because he is just
23:17a room of people being repelled by Jesus
23:19I think so
23:20And you know Jesus' name
23:21was at the last bloody supper I remember
23:24And although
23:25obviously Leonardo was a fine artist
23:27he didn't actually make any
23:30real contribution to science at all
23:32did he?
23:32Or did he?
23:34Flying machine?
23:35Was that a forfeit?
23:36No, not a forfeit
23:37but it just wouldn't have worked
23:38his helicopter
23:39Yes, it's a drawing of a helicopter isn't it?
23:41I mean, I did sort of drawings of spaceships
23:44when I was about five
23:44Precisely
23:45and I'd be embarrassed if someone said
23:47I'd invented into Stella Brown
23:51But then, if he just did some paintings
23:53what's the fuss?
23:54Well, because his curiosity was so wide-ranging
23:56in machines of war
23:57and in anatomy
23:58and so on
23:59but partly the trouble
24:00the reason he didn't contribute to science
24:01he did actually make quite a few discoveries
24:03is that he wrote
24:03a mirror-writing diary
24:05which was also in code
24:07that wasn't really looked at or interpreted
24:10until the 19th century
24:11by which time
24:12almost everything he'd discovered
24:13that might have been considered new
24:1450, 100 years earlier
24:16had already been independently discovered
24:18so in that sense
24:19he didn't really contribute
24:20but he's considered the prototypical genius
24:24as you say
24:24or archetypal
24:26renaissance
24:27Submarine?
24:28Did he come up with a submarine?
24:30He might have done a drawing about submarines
24:32I'm not sure
24:32Was it the same drawing that he ever actually did?
24:35The Beatles
24:35He just did a wavy line
24:36and coloured in it all blue
24:38and a thing
24:38and then like kitchen
24:39yeah
24:40and a man
24:41and a man waving
24:42and a label
24:44probably no room for a tennis court
24:45practically thinking
24:48anyway
24:48everyone could roll their tongues for me
24:52very good
24:52and
24:53get a close up on Graham
24:54when he goes
24:55what the hell?
25:01Did you?
25:02I think it's supposed to be an illustration of
25:04a child of two geniuses
25:05may not necessarily be
25:07you know
25:10I don't know if he says that
25:14yes
25:14rolling tongues
25:15where does that gift come from?
25:17if it is a gift
25:17where does that ability
25:18I literally can't do it
25:20a fish
25:24I do?
25:25you asked
25:26yes I did
25:26and you get an answer
25:28you avoided the trap
25:29which was to say from your parents
25:30that it's genetically handed down
25:32and it's not
25:33it's one of these things
25:33that some people can do
25:34and some people can't
25:35and it isn't related to the fact
25:38that if you come to parents
25:39you can do it
25:39you will therefore be able to do it
25:40and there are other things
25:41that some people can do
25:42and some people can't
25:43like
25:44asparagus
25:45and urine
25:46does it make your urine smell?
25:48it makes everyone's urine smell?
25:49no it doesn't
25:50maybe not the ladies
25:51yeah mostly women
25:53don't have the problem
25:54I mean can you put your hand up
25:55if you've never noticed
25:56an effect of asparagus
25:57in the smell of your urine?
26:00weird
26:00you've never noticed
26:01I've never noticed that
26:02some people don't you see
26:03and that's quite a lot of
26:04you've hardly finished chewing
26:06I know
26:06it's always
26:07and then you're peeing
26:08and it stinks
26:09they used to call it
26:19they used to call it
26:20housemaid's despair
26:21because the next morning
26:22if someone had had his bearings
26:23the housemaid would take down
26:24the chamber pot
26:25like
26:26ow!
26:26I just want to say
26:28maybe I'm wrong
26:29maybe
26:29I find the smell of urine
26:31quite distasteful
26:32anyway
26:35believe me
26:35believe me
26:36if you've got stinky pee
26:37you need to see someone
26:39I don't
26:39there's something wrong with you
26:40there's something wrong with you
26:41you've got a disease
26:43I don't think it
26:45it doesn't make you go
26:46I don't think it makes me go
26:48I go
26:48I'll not drink that
26:52I mean if you feed out a shower today
26:54I mean that would be something else
26:56Best to leave that alone. I leave it alone because I've just thrown it into a toilet.
27:03I didn't say that I was flavoring stuff.
27:06If you decanted it, if you decanted it, but it would be different.
27:10When I was a child, sugar puffs made it smell of sugar puffs to me.
27:14Anybody else?
27:16I'm pretty sure that I had asparagus in the past and it didn't make my wee smell
27:24and it's only in recent years that it has.
27:26No, that is interesting, isn't it?
27:27And there was interest there and an interesting audience
27:29and they've all got exactly the right little bodies that do the right things.
27:32She's still fuming.
27:33I think people are a lot more interested in their wee than they'll admit.
27:40That's certainly true.
27:41People say you're interested in what comes out of them.
27:44I think it's a general, not in a kind of an icky way, but there is an element of issue.
27:51I just wanted to make the point where you ask someone about their interests,
27:54they'll say, you know, walking, cinema, books.
27:56They won't say, well, primarily, you know, the smell of my own farts,
28:01I'm always going to see anybody.
28:02But, you know, they don't come all the time, so I while away the rest of the time
28:05with cinema books and long ones.
28:08If I could just fart all day and smell it, I would be a fascinated man.
28:14You're so right!
28:15I think most psychologists would agree with you and say it is true,
28:18but it's an unspoken truth.
28:19Ask to anyone on earth, when they've just farted and smelt it, who is bored.
28:27You know what that means?
28:28It means when you see someone reading,
28:30and they're reading a book, and they're reading a book,
28:32and if they go like that...
28:37They're not thinking about the book, they just let one go.
28:46It is true. It's odd. We laugh at it, and yet it is our obsession,
28:51from the cradle onwards, virtually.
28:54Anyway, despite what we're taught, the fact is,
28:56a lot of these strange things, like tongue-rolling,
28:58don't come from our parents, so it doesn't follow you can,
29:00if your parents can.
29:02Which was the first animal to be cloned?
29:05Oh, well, I can't be, so it's...
29:08It's not Dolly the Sheep, then?
29:09No, you're right, it isn't Dolly.
29:11You've all been so good at avoiding my little honey traps.
29:14No, er...
29:15But I thought it was Dolly the Sheep.
29:17But it's not.
29:17Not the first animal, no.
29:19We have to go back to the 1880s for the first cloning.
29:21Didn't it?
29:22Yeah.
29:22It was a sea creature, actually.
29:24An octopus or something?
29:25No, it was a sea urchin.
29:27There's one.
29:28This was in a German called Driesch, who did it in 1885.
29:32But in 1902, another German, Hans Speemann, cloned a salamander,
29:37and he used a rudimentary noose, right, to separate the cells of the embryo,
29:41and the noose was made of the hair of a human baby.
29:44And he used it as like a little lasso, just to separate.
29:48Isn't that marvellous?
29:49That is fiddly work.
29:50It is very fiddly work.
29:52I've got to say, yeah.
29:53I mean, there must have been lots of times where he's going,
29:55I'm done!
30:00I'm done!
30:00Could I please have another baby's hair in?
30:04Come back to the baby.
30:10One guinea, madam.
30:12Trying to keep him calm.
30:14Would you like another?
30:15No, I don't want another coffee.
30:16I don't want another coffee.
30:18Do you want me to have a go?
30:20No, I don't.
30:21Oh, you're so right.
30:22But Dolly, Dolly was in 1996.
30:25Dolly the sheep is the one that you cleverly avoided.
30:28But why Dolly?
30:28Why are you called Dolly?
30:29Do you know?
30:30It was named after Dolly Parton
30:32because a cell came from the mammary glands.
30:36Correctly corrected.
30:37Well done, sir.
30:38Excellent.
30:39Only points.
30:43It would be quite easy to calm off any sheep.
30:48You think there was a point where they go,
30:50we can just get another sheep and save.
30:52Yeah, there it is.
30:53It's genetically identical, that one.
30:55There.
30:55There's two sheep.
30:57Look similar.
30:57Well, as we said, genetically identical.
31:00Well, oddly enough, things can be genetically identical
31:02and rather surprising because the first cat to be cloned
31:06was called Rainbow and her clone was known as C.C.
31:09and there.
31:10You say, now, how can that...
31:11Ah, well, they did just...
31:12They didn't put the effort in there, didn't they?
31:13No, you're going to tell you, you see.
31:14Well, they trolled the pet shop through that little...
31:17For that little faker.
31:18They could have...
31:19They could have at least sent the guy who they sent to get the other kitten
31:22with a photo.
31:24No.
31:25Not just...
31:26Guess any cat.
31:28Yes.
31:29The little kitten is called C.C.
31:31Points if you can guess what that stands for.
31:33Cat clone.
31:34Whittier.
31:35What sort of Whittier?
31:37Say.
31:38Copycat.
31:39Points to the audience.
31:40Copycat.
31:41C.C.
31:41Very good, yeah.
31:43The operation was known as Operation Copycat.
31:45It was part of a larger project to clone a dog, which was...
31:49Well, it was called Missy.
31:51The Missyplicity.
31:52Named after a dog named Missy.
31:54And the world's first clone dog from Korea.
31:57It's called Snappy.
31:58And they ate it.
31:59Of course.
32:05Well, anyway.
32:06The point is, the first animal to be cloned was the sea urchin, way back in 1885.
32:10Since then, many other animals have, of course, been given the treatment,
32:13including the first clone cats, which look nothing like each other.
32:16No, it doesn't take a genius to know that it's time to look.
32:18For some general igniter.
32:19Fingers on buzzers, if you would.
32:21How old are you?
32:28Norton.
32:29How old do I look?
32:33See you!
32:34How old do I feel?
32:37It just shows you the effect of this game, though.
32:39You ask a question, all four of us think that is something I definitely know the answer to.
32:44I've been made so uncertain.
32:47I'm not even willing to give my own age name or address.
32:51How can this possibly be a trap like that?
32:53I am 37.
32:54No, 37.
32:55No breed.
32:56There we go.
32:57No points left.
32:58Oh!
32:59Yes!
33:01Don't!
33:02That's not wrong!
33:03Don't make sense that you are!
33:06I'm actually not!
33:06We should all do it.
33:07I bet you they've got something wrong.
33:0934.
33:1034, eh?
33:12Oh!
33:14You don't want to do this.
33:16I don't do it.
33:16I don't do it.
33:25Well, obviously, as the baby that was, you know, called Graham or Dara or David or Alan,
33:33was, you know, arrived on the planet the number of years ago that you said, but that's not how old
33:38you are whenever I touch you.
33:40If I touch your arm, how old is that arm? Is that as old as that?
33:43It's like six weeks old or something less.
33:45Five years, we replace our entire...
33:47There are different bits of one, that's right.
33:49There are different bits of one that take...
33:51Some of them...
33:51Your cells regenerate.
33:52Your red blood cells last only 120 days.
33:55A liver has a turnaround time of 300 to 500 days.
33:58Sort of one and a half years.
33:59Hurry up!
33:59The entire human...
34:03Give it a chance to recover with it.
34:06The entire human skeleton is replaced every ten years or so.
34:09So all your bones...
34:11Really?
34:11That's good, isn't it?
34:12Yeah, it is.
34:14Unfortunately, they're replaced in an aged way, rather annoyingly, rather than a brand new one.
34:18So they're replaced with second-hand ones?
34:20Well, not exactly used, no, no, but...
34:23Excuse me, I'm thinking of trading in my eight-year-old Mazda for an eight-and-a-bit-year-old
34:27Mazda.
34:29I'm afraid that's how it goes, yeah.
34:31It's all rather unfortunate.
34:32So an adult's body may turn out usually somewhere between seven and ten years old in terms of its cells,
34:37though some of the cells are much, much younger.
34:38And ninety-eight percent of the seven billion billion billion atoms in the human body are replaced yearly.
34:44Do you know, I think some of my socks are older than I am.
34:49That's a marvellous thought.
34:50Yeah, I feel I should defer to them.
34:52Yes, exactly.
34:54You've been around longer than me.
34:56But most of the cells in your body are not your own.
34:58They're not human.
35:01Is it bacteria?
35:02Yes, they're bacteria, yeah.
35:04In fact, more than 500 different species of them.
35:06They make up more than ten times the number of human cells.
35:09Isn't that interesting?
35:10On average, all the cells in your body are only ten years old or so.
35:13Now, how did the Church of England originally react to Darwin's theory of evolution?
35:17Well, they weren't happy about it.
35:19They weren't happy about it.
35:21Dublin or Breed?
35:22They didn't get it, I don't think.
35:24Nobody really got it for a while.
35:26Like, he delivered it to a meeting of the Royal Society, I think it was, and people just kind of
35:31went, huh, okay.
35:33That's true of his original paper, but when he published On the Origin of Species, it was a massive bestseller.
35:37In fact, it sold out even before it was printed.
35:40And he was a gigantic figure of his time.
35:42He was one of only five people, not royal, to be given a burial at Westminster Abbey.
35:47And they absolutely understood his greatness.
35:49And the surprising thing is the Church were not that worried at all.
35:52They specifically said Church of England.
35:54But for many years, most churchmen had encouraged people to believe that a lot of the Bible is metaphorical,
35:59and it's not literally true.
36:01But if there's anything shocking about it to them, it was that it shows nature doesn't care.
36:06Yeah.
36:07The idea of a lineal evolution they thought was fine.
36:10That might have been part of God's plan.
36:12But a true understanding of evolution also shows that nature is completely horrific.
36:17That was a major part of the Victorians hated because they thought they loved their countryside,
36:20and they loved birdsong.
36:22It was Mrs. Alexander's, you know, all things bright and beautiful.
36:24Yes, and instead they're locked in a vicious struggle for survival.
36:28Where all animals are hungry and afraid, and they die before they, you know, get old.
36:33And it's a miserable, hard life.
36:35Unless they live in zoos when they have to be quite stress-free.
36:38It is, it's a life they wouldn't expect in the wild.
36:41Maybe, they should, if you, they might have zoo for a little bit, and let them back in the circus.
36:46Just a little bit.
36:47I miss a dog pushing a pram.
36:52And you...
36:53So the soleil is all very well.
36:55You're an elephant counting.
36:57You're pinching yourself in a tailcoat and tights and a top hat, welcoming everybody to Circus X Factor and call
37:04me a Nancy.
37:06Oh, no, no, no.
37:07You have to do the elephant's backstory, the elephant's emotional.
37:11This is the elephant's last chance at a career in show business.
37:16And then, he's doing this for his dead grandfather, and then a shot of the elephant staring at a big
37:21pile of ivory.
37:22Yes.
37:29You are a sick puppy.
37:31Why don't we do some piano keys?
37:32Oh!
37:34The man is, the man is, the man is, the man is playing for him.
37:37Yeah, the man is playing for him.
37:38He's playing for him.
37:39He's playing for him.
37:40He's playing for him.
37:41Yeah, the granddad was in show business as well.
37:46So, On the Origin of the Species was widely respected by mainstream churchmen at the time of its publication.
37:51Now, from one controversy to another, what kind of pet did Charles Croft have?
37:59Oh, come on! I mean...
38:02A cat.
38:03Yes!
38:04You see?
38:07Very good.
38:10He did indeed.
38:12He was the sign of a thriving jewellery business in the 19th century.
38:16And he was a fine salesman, and he went into business with a man called Spratt, who made dog cakes.
38:21Dog cakes?
38:22Yeah, well, biscuit, really.
38:24No, no, no.
38:25A biscuit, dog biscuit is fine, but a dog cake is mad.
38:27Well, you made a cake made of dogs.
38:31Yeah!
38:31I'm sorry.
38:32That would be hard.
38:33Definitely, dog biscuit sounds like it's four dogs, and dog cake sounds like it's got a lovely layer of dog.
38:39Oh, okay.
38:40I went fish cake, dog cake.
38:42Oh, I see.
38:43Oh, no, that does make sense now.
38:45Yeah, sorry.
38:46Yeah.
38:47But he sort of founded the business of the large dog show, Charles Croft.
38:52And then it got bigger, and they were hugely successful until he died in 1938, and sort of the kennel
38:58club took over.
38:59But all kinds of problems that seem to come from inbreeding, and the sponsors withdrew.
39:03The dog food sponsor pedigree withdrew, the BBC withdrew, RSPCA and a dog charity all withdrew.
39:10So this year, Croft was broadcast live on the internet for the first time.
39:13Cat shows are much more interesting, though, because cats are shown, obviously, in a similar kind of way,
39:18but in that kind of cat-independent way, where they don't seem to be really aware of it or care
39:22very much.
39:23But what they do is you lift up the cat, and then you essentially...
39:26Fluff it?
39:26No, you make it do Superman.
39:30And there's all cats in the show.
39:32It's just how that cat look of...
39:36Two legs, two legs from the back, like whatever.
39:38You do your own cat at home, it's very good, because they just look...
39:41It's interesting.
39:42The other side of the Crufts not being on the television is that it's a real relief that Crufts isn't
39:48on the television, isn't it?
39:50I mean, I think if I was to define a terrible idea for a program, it would be pretty much
39:55Crufts.
39:59Or...
39:59Then playing golf.
40:02Yes.
40:02Yes.
40:03No, I don't understand why golfs on television.
40:06I love watching golf.
40:07You love watching golf?
40:08I'm absolutely passionate about it.
40:09You like... but what are you watching?
40:11The golf.
40:12No, but...
40:14He hits it, and then the camera just goes, sky, sky, sky, sky, sky.
40:20It's over there somewhere.
40:21That's what I'm down, isn't it?
40:22I love it.
40:23I love it.
40:28The finder of Crufts, Charles Crufts, did have a pet cat, but he didn't care for dogs.
40:31And finally, how many brains did the man with two brains have?
40:36Two.
40:38Yes.
40:40That's brilliant!
40:45It's so cruel!
40:48Yeah, he's wise enough to spot a double bluff.
40:52It's just the technique of the bully.
40:54You go, you hit us, and then you go, oh, what do you think I was going to hit you?
40:59I'm going to hit you.
41:01Oh, no, I'm not going to hit you.
41:02Oh, I'm just going to stroke you.
41:05And we're hearing...
41:09It's so nice.
41:11It's exactly what we do.
41:14The fact that he's Dr. Michael Gershon has proved that we all have two brains.
41:17Your gut has its enteric nervous system, and it's the only part of our body that can operate perfectly
41:24if all connection is cut from the upper brain, from the real brain, the brain we call the brain, as
41:29it were.
41:29It doesn't have the intelligence and consciousness that a brain has, but it operates separately.
41:33So, in that sense, we do have two brains.
41:35How bright would our stomachs be in the animal kingdom?
41:38Would they be cleverer than an octopus?
41:40I doubt it.
41:41I think they're just good at one thing, and that's preparing poo for exit.
41:46Because, basically, it's not even the stomach, it is the gut.
41:49It's the greater and lesser intestine, and the colon, essentially, are the bits with the brain.
41:53Like all of us, the man with two brains actually did have two brains, according to the latest thinking.
41:58The gut does act as a separate brain.
42:00So, pens down and stop writing.
42:01That's it for our exam today, geniuses.
42:03Time to mark your papers.
42:04Well, my goodness, my gracious.
42:07A newcomer, with minus 19, Graham Norton.
42:15In third place, in third place with minus eight, David Mitchell.
42:25In second place with a very respectable minus seven, Dara O'Brien.
42:31Which can only mean that today's geniuses of geniuses of genius is Alan Davis with four points.
42:48So, that's all from QI. My thanks go to Graham, Dara, David.
42:52And Alan and I leave you with that genius, Leonardo da Vinci's favourite joke.
42:55It was asked of a painter why, since he made such beautiful figures, which were but dead things,
43:01why his children were so ugly.
43:03To which the painter replied that he made his pictures by day, but his children by night.
43:07I won't.
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