- 5 hours ago
1996 TV MOVIE "Jack Rosenthal's Comedy drama about the trials and tribulations of three sets of parents as they finally realise that their children have grown up and reluctantly they have to let them enroll at Cambridge University." IMDB Starring Tom Wilkinson, Maureen Lipman, David Ross, Anna Carteret, Nicholas Le Provost, Benedict Sandiford, Laura Howard.
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:00:39I don't know.
00:01:24Did he set it for this god-forsaken time for?
00:01:28It might be traffic.
00:01:32And then what if the car doesn't start?
00:01:35Hang on, you don't say god-forsaken when it's to do with time, do you?
00:01:39You say it for place, as in god-forsaken place,
00:01:43but...
00:01:45somewhere else for time.
00:01:50Oh, well, love.
00:01:53I know.
00:01:55Hell's bells, eh?
00:01:57I'll say.
00:01:59I dreamt that same dream again.
00:02:01Was he all right in it?
00:02:03Yes.
00:02:05But sometimes it's opposite way on in dreams,
00:02:07so I don't know if it's a sign it will be or it won't be.
00:02:13No.
00:02:14Right.
00:02:17How long have you been awake?
00:02:20You were just as bad when you pretend snoring.
00:02:24Little expeditions to the bathroom, padding about.
00:02:28Well, we needed a sleep, really, and all.
00:02:31Today of all days.
00:02:33My bloody face did.
00:02:35I'll say that for it.
00:02:38Hey.
00:02:40You'll be all right.
00:02:42Course it will.
00:02:44Foregone conclusion.
00:02:46No danger.
00:02:48Not an assurer.
00:02:49Not an assurer.
00:02:54I wonder if he slept all right.
00:02:56I'll wake him up, shall I?
00:02:58I know.
00:02:58He needs to sleep more than we do.
00:03:01Give him another half hour, eh?
00:03:05I'll get him up.
00:03:06Then he'll be up.
00:03:18Neil.
00:03:19Time to get up, Neil.
00:03:23Mm.
00:03:24What?
00:03:25Sorry to wake you up, love.
00:03:29Mm.
00:03:30Oh, OK.
00:03:32Brilliant.
00:03:33How are your nerves?
00:03:35Oh, who knows?
00:03:36They haven't woken up yet.
00:03:38Well, nothing to be nervous about, really.
00:03:41No.
00:03:55Right, I'll get kettle-weaving.
00:03:57Right.
00:03:58Unholy it is for time, as in unholy hour.
00:04:02Oh, right.
00:04:03It's just that God for Satan seems more appropriate to me,
00:04:07given the circumstances.
00:04:26He's over there.
00:04:26He's over there, but he's very much.
00:04:27He's over there.
00:04:27Oh, I see.
00:04:28Don't mind me?
00:04:29I'm in me nighty.
00:04:42Not first time, please
00:04:47Please, not second
00:04:53Now, please, now
00:05:01Thank you, Carl
00:05:05Car staff, you're third time
00:05:07Third time lucky
00:05:08Could be a good omen, that
00:05:10Touch wood
00:05:11Well, did you manage to sleep?
00:05:14Oh, like unto a log, its slumber was successfully accomplished
00:05:17The arms of Morpheus were in full attendance
00:05:19Try and talk like a human being, love
00:05:21Today, of all days
00:05:24Word you, I would have kicked another half hour out of bed
00:05:27Hey, you can't go like that
00:05:30Like what?
00:05:32You have to be smart
00:05:33I am
00:05:34Colour and tie, your suit
00:05:36I've left it all upstairs on a hanger
00:05:39They'll be looking at you
00:05:42Mother, mother, mother
00:05:44Such innocence in one so young
00:05:48You can't go like that, darling
00:05:50Like what?
00:05:52You've got to look nice
00:05:53I look great
00:05:54Your bottle being two-piece, I thought at least
00:05:58It's a matter of first impressions, isn't it?
00:06:01Counting
00:06:01Isn't it, Hugh?
00:06:03Do leave the girl alone, Harriet
00:06:05She's tense enough as it is
00:06:06Who is?
00:06:07It's nothing to be ashamed of, Pippa
00:06:09Mummy, if I'm not tense
00:06:11Then I can't be ashamed of being tense, can I?
00:06:14Q.E.D.
00:06:15I just thought your green two-piece, that's all
00:06:20You never learn, do you?
00:06:22What did I do?
00:06:24Think what you did
00:06:27And don't do it again
00:06:36You don't have to eat it all, darling, if you don't want to
00:06:38Mum, I don't want any, just a cup of tea
00:06:41I thought if you saw it, you might just get
00:06:44Wrong again, Harriet
00:06:46There's a novelty
00:06:47You eat it
00:06:48I couldn't
00:06:49Here's the collywobbles
00:06:50Which I haven't got
00:06:52Your mother's collywobbles
00:06:56I eat it
00:06:57You've had one breakfast
00:06:59So, by my reckoning, this'll make two
00:07:00Right, Pippa, here we go
00:07:02Number one, who is the leader of the...
00:07:04You sit down, Mum
00:07:05I don't feel like sitting down
00:07:07For God's sake, woman, there's no golden bloody rule that she has to sit down
00:07:11Leave her alone
00:07:12You stand if you want to
00:07:17Right, here we go
00:07:18Who is the leader of the Sinn Féin negotiating team?
00:07:21Sorry?
00:07:22In the Northern Ireland peace process, the Sinn Féin leader
00:07:25What about him?
00:07:27What's his name?
00:07:29Why?
00:07:30It's the sort of rollicks they'll ask you, current affairs
00:07:33I don't think they will, Dad
00:07:35Dad is only speaking from experience, darling
00:07:38Don't pressurise her, Harriet
00:07:39No wonder she's got the collywobbles
00:07:41Okay, big announcement
00:07:42I'm not tense
00:07:43I'm not hungry
00:07:45And I don't have a single collywobble
00:07:46Okay, everyone clear?
00:07:48Gentleman's name is Martin McGuinness
00:07:49Say it three times, you'll never forget it
00:07:51Go on, Pippa
00:07:52Martin McGuinness
00:07:53Martin McGuinness
00:07:54Martin McGuinness
00:07:54You do it
00:07:55Just in case
00:07:57All right, number two
00:07:58Three principal arguments
00:08:00Four a single European currency
00:08:01And three against
00:08:02Excuse me
00:08:03Where are you going?
00:08:05To the bathroom, probably
00:08:06You'll be sick
00:08:08The state you've got her in with your cons
00:08:15What are you doing?
00:08:17In what way?
00:08:19That cigarette
00:08:20Nothing?
00:08:22Well, smoking it
00:08:23You said you'd stop
00:08:26Today
00:08:26Today
00:08:27If she got this far
00:08:28You'd stop smoking
00:08:29To please her
00:08:32She was thrilled
00:08:35Let her down, haven't you?
00:08:38Congratulations
00:08:40I forgot
00:08:42I'm a bit
00:08:44Ever since I got up
00:08:45I've been a bit
00:08:47Can't I stop tomorrow?
00:08:49You promised her, Harriet
00:08:50I shall blame you
00:08:51If she falls to pieces
00:08:52The minute she walks
00:08:53Into that room
00:08:54I shall point the finger
00:08:55At you
00:08:58Why are you so intent
00:09:00On ruining her life?
00:09:23There!
00:09:25I should have queued for it
00:09:26I'll be silly
00:09:27It's what mothers are for
00:09:31Thank you
00:09:32And the next
00:09:34Please
00:09:35Don't even ask
00:09:36Not again
00:09:37Ask what?
00:09:38No one's parents go with
00:09:40It's embarrassing
00:09:43You'll get lost
00:09:45You know what you're like
00:09:46I will not get lost
00:09:48No
00:09:51Have you got your ticket?
00:09:52In my wallet
00:09:54Have you got your wallet?
00:09:54Of course
00:09:55Where?
00:09:55In my inside pocket
00:09:56Are you sure?
00:09:57Certain
00:09:59Show me
00:10:00I'll see you tonight then
00:10:01Am I allowed
00:10:02To give you a kiss?
00:10:04For luck
00:10:04People can see
00:10:07Good luck, Malcolm
00:10:08You show them
00:10:10Did you get a private eye?
00:10:12It's in your hand
00:10:14Oh, right
00:10:26Go on
00:10:28Go away
00:10:38Excuse me
00:10:39Could you tell me what time the next coach is, please?
00:10:41No, this is the one
00:10:42No, no, no
00:10:42The one after this
00:10:43In an hour
00:10:44Every hour and a half hour
00:10:45Thank you
00:10:46You don't want this one?
00:10:47No
00:10:48You want to wait an hour?
00:10:49Yes
00:10:50I see
00:11:12To hang your bed
00:11:13No, no, no
00:11:15Because we were
00:11:17All night
00:11:42We
00:12:09Yes?
00:12:11For God's sake, you haven't had a shave. You haven't changed.
00:12:15What does yes mean? I'm not a door-to-door salesman.
00:12:18Basically, it's an interrogative interjection,
00:12:20which by virtue of its brevity,
00:12:22saves me the rigmarole of saying,
00:12:24what the hell do you want now?
00:12:27A door-to-door salesman describes you beautifully.
00:12:31After all the arrangements, the promises, the...
00:12:33Not today, is it?
00:12:35You're no damn worth today!
00:12:36I thought it was tomorrow.
00:12:38Lies!
00:12:39Would you like a cup of prune juice?
00:12:42James, go and shave.
00:12:45All the bristles, not just an elite few.
00:12:48No gouges, no toilet paper.
00:12:49Then get dressed.
00:12:51Your new shirt, suit, everything.
00:12:53Simon Simmerdown.
00:12:55There's plenty of time.
00:12:57Oh, really?
00:12:58We go in at 2.15.
00:13:00I'll be back here at a quarter two.
00:13:01I haven't time to vet you again.
00:13:03I'm a jam-packed day of my own bloody interviews.
00:13:06Go and shave!
00:13:08Oh, God!
00:13:10I told you to send it to the cleaners ready for today.
00:13:14Is he going to look like a tramp?
00:13:15That's your upbringing, you see.
00:13:17A healthy cynicism.
00:13:18I didn't do such an appalling job on you after all.
00:13:23Father.
00:13:24Please.
00:13:28Admit defeat.
00:13:30Surrender with dignity.
00:13:33You can't live like this anymore.
00:13:36Like what?
00:13:39On your own.
00:13:42You won't live with me and Gillian.
00:13:44So, this afternoon is your only alternative.
00:13:47Everything depends on it.
00:13:49Have you read this?
00:13:51Who wrote this balderdash?
00:13:54Well, I did.
00:13:57Guilty.
00:13:57Where's your new shirt?
00:13:59Simon, the afternoon will go perfectly.
00:14:02My interviewers will be charmed.
00:14:05Where's your new shirt?
00:14:07You didn't bloody buy one, did you?
00:14:10You're beginning to be just a little bit irritated with me, aren't you?
00:14:16Oh, now yours is more encouraging.
00:14:19With Mercury and Venus in conjunction, you will grasp the opportunities of the day confidently.
00:14:27In affairs of the heart, you will also find...
00:14:30Yeah, that's mine.
00:14:31Yes, Virgo.
00:14:33Well, it's what he says that matters.
00:14:36Well, it doesn't, of course, but you think it does.
00:14:38You'll get sick reading in the car.
00:14:41Will I?
00:14:42Oh, so you told me on every car journey since I was born.
00:14:45Oh, is it you suddenly don't know?
00:14:46Yeah, yeah.
00:14:47Okay, okay.
00:14:48No, I'm not being a 17-year-old.
00:14:50I'm serious.
00:14:51How is it?
00:14:52I'm teaching you what you've always taught me.
00:14:54Just read the map, Shirley.
00:14:58What's the next signpost we want?
00:15:00The A14 Huntingdon.
00:15:03Right.
00:15:07Oh, no.
00:15:08What?
00:15:09Oh, a magpie.
00:15:11I've just seen a magpie.
00:15:12I've just seen a magpie.
00:15:13That's bad luck, that is.
00:15:15Hello, Mr. Magpie.
00:15:16Hello, Mr. Magpie.
00:15:17Hello, Mr. Magpie.
00:15:18Hello, Mr. Magpie.
00:15:18Does that make it all right now?
00:15:19Or does he have to say hello back?
00:15:21I should really turn round three times, Barry.
00:15:24You'll strangle yourself with your safety bell.
00:15:26Don't.
00:15:27Well, on the other hand...
00:15:30Oh, here we are, Bevis.
00:15:31What?
00:15:32A roundabout.
00:15:34What about it?
00:15:35Go round it three times.
00:15:37Shame me.
00:15:38We haven't got time to play silly buggers.
00:15:40We're near enough 80 miles to go yet.
00:15:42It's his future, Bevis.
00:15:44Dad, go straight on.
00:15:45Go round it.
00:15:46We can't afford the risk.
00:15:48Mother, think.
00:15:49It can't be down to a bloody magpie who gets into Cambridge and who doesn't.
00:15:53You don't get interviewed by magpies.
00:15:56You might at Oxford.
00:15:57I can't speak for Oxford.
00:15:58No!
00:16:00Oh, Alan!
00:16:01It's a dirty great van break, Bevis.
00:16:03How come he's right behind me?
00:16:05Look what you've made me do!
00:16:07Ignore him.
00:16:07He's not going round three times.
00:16:10I'm an actress.
00:16:11I'll tell him it was my fault.
00:16:12Are you there?
00:16:13I'm ever so sorry.
00:16:14It was a bird.
00:16:15Where did you get stuffed?
00:16:16Dozy arsehole!
00:16:19Don't aggravate him, Shaney.
00:16:21The anger that's on the road.
00:16:22I'm you, mate!
00:16:24I want to work with you!
00:16:25Oi!
00:16:26I'm talking to you!
00:16:51All right, try this one.
00:16:53Why did you apply to this particular college?
00:16:55You?
00:16:56Because my father told me to.
00:16:58No, madam, because my teachers recommended me to.
00:17:02Then?
00:17:02Then you sort of pause and shrug as if they'd wheedled it out of you, and you say...
00:17:06You say, where are they?
00:17:07No.
00:17:09Actually, my father was at Queen's.
00:17:14Wear this when you go in.
00:17:16I can't do that.
00:17:17Tell them it's mine.
00:17:18Might just swing it for you.
00:17:19I don't want anything swung.
00:17:21I want to do it on my own.
00:17:23Daddy's only trying to help, darling.
00:17:26It's not the most important thing in life, mother.
00:17:28Yes, it is.
00:17:30Isn't it, Hugh?
00:17:31Going to Cambridge?
00:17:32Of course not.
00:17:33I thought you always said...
00:17:35Can't do any harm.
00:17:36No great disadvantage.
00:17:38Of course, you going is what I've always set my heart on.
00:17:42Bear that in mind.
00:17:44You won't be nervous.
00:17:45Excuse me.
00:18:05You alright, son?
00:18:08Yes, thanks.
00:18:09You look a bit green.
00:18:11I feel fine.
00:18:13Only about the gills.
00:18:15No, I'm okay.
00:18:21I was two numbers off winning the lottery last week.
00:18:26Oh, yes.
00:18:27Well, not actually winning it.
00:18:30Off one of the numbers.
00:18:33I had 37 instead of 39.
00:18:36I felt a big grin about the gills myself.
00:18:41Mind you, my other five numbers were nowhere near.
00:18:45Still, that's the excitement of it, isn't it?
00:19:09All right.
00:19:10You're quite ready.
00:19:18Excuse me, sir.
00:19:19That's the difference.
00:19:22This one's coming up to you.
00:19:31Is that Daphne?
00:19:32Good boy, eh, sir?
00:19:34Sorry?
00:19:35They first make that little bit loopy.
00:19:38What?
00:19:39There's always one, bless them.
00:19:41It's only come a week early, hasn't it?
00:19:43His interview's not till next week.
00:19:46All right, yes, all right.
00:19:48Oh, would you, yes.
00:19:49First I thought you meant, um...
00:19:59Yes.
00:20:02The copper definitely said it was down here,
00:20:04but I can't see it, though.
00:20:07Well, ask a body.
00:20:09Er, we'll have a route round for a bit.
00:20:13Ask a body. There's no embargo.
00:20:16Ask her.
00:20:18Well, she might not know.
00:20:19Whereas, on the other hand, of course, statistically speaking...
00:20:25Excuse me, madam.
00:20:28Great!
00:20:29Ran you this morning?
00:20:31Pardon?
00:20:31No.
00:20:32I mean, you know, terrific.
00:20:34Really great, thanks.
00:20:35Oh, dear.
00:20:37I've got an interview today.
00:20:39We have.
00:20:40Sorry?
00:20:41Which college?
00:20:42College?
00:20:43Not a college.
00:20:46Oh, after sodding buying new ones.
00:20:49Can we pay?
00:20:50May I tender a full and unreserved apology
00:20:53and herewith offer compensation in kind?
00:20:55What was it you wanted, anyway?
00:20:59I'd be most beholden, could you possibly indicate the whereabouts of a car park?
00:21:03According to a policeman, there should, by rights, be one round here somewhere.
00:21:07There.
00:21:08Oh!
00:21:09Oh!
00:21:10It's all right.
00:21:11In case I can't see for looking.
00:21:13So can we pay for your tights?
00:21:16Hosiery, that is.
00:21:17It's all right.
00:21:19Might be lucky.
00:21:20For us.
00:21:22For you.
00:21:23Well...
00:21:24Dad, should we go to the car park now?
00:21:26Would that be a good idea?
00:21:27Since it was one of the principal reasons for asking where it was.
00:21:31Or am I being obtuse?
00:21:33Thanks, love.
00:21:34I'm sorry.
00:21:36Yes.
00:21:36And I hope it does bring you luck.
00:21:38Thank you, madam.
00:21:39I'm most beholden.
00:21:43Dad!
00:21:44I don't think every person in Cambridge has got a degree in talking with a plumb up their bum.
00:21:48Why are you talking like that?
00:21:50Like what?
00:21:52Beholden.
00:21:52You've never said beholden in your life.
00:21:55Particularly in an accent unknown in the English-speaking world.
00:22:12Gaudiama Sigeter, eh?
00:22:13Say what you like.
00:22:14Oh, God.
00:22:15You and E's done sumus, all right?
00:22:18Yeah, okay, Dad, thank you.
00:22:20Glad to be back, dear.
00:22:21Well, he's never really been away, has he?
00:22:25We're going to my alma mater.
00:22:28Oh, yeah?
00:22:29Will you be talking in Latin every sentence?
00:22:32High old college.
00:22:33So all I need to know is which one it is.
00:22:36You have a choice of twenty-nine.
00:22:37Queens, of course.
00:22:49Actually, having said that, we're a bit on the early side.
00:22:52There was a little bistro there or thereabouts still there, is it?
00:22:55You can't be hungry, Hugh.
00:22:58My God, the bun fights we had in that place.
00:23:01Existentialists versus all comers.
00:23:03Existentialists won about three hundred nil.
00:23:05For a cup of tea for Pippa.
00:23:07I don't want a cup of tea.
00:23:09Nerves make your mouth dry.
00:23:11I haven't got nerves.
00:23:21Ma'am?
00:23:23I'm minding the cracks.
00:23:25You mustn't step on the cracks for fear.
00:23:28One more.
00:23:29Just one more and I go back home.
00:23:32On foot.
00:23:33Stepping on every crack from here to Blackburn.
00:23:35Stamping on them.
00:23:36And if I miss one, I'll come back and start again.
00:23:52Oi!
00:23:53You won't watch it!
00:24:03Yes, my son.
00:24:07Well, the thing is, shall I walk instead?
00:24:09Sorry?
00:24:10Or take a taxi.
00:24:11Bit pointless asking us, sunshine.
00:24:13We're biased.
00:24:14Where are you going?
00:24:15Queens College.
00:24:16Down there.
00:24:16First on the left.
00:24:17First on the right.
00:24:18First on the right again.
00:24:19Left into Silver Street and this on your right.
00:24:21Not too far on you, say?
00:24:23Quickly.
00:24:25Well, it's probably the best bet then.
00:24:27What is it?
00:24:28Walking it.
00:24:29Oh, I see.
00:24:30It'll give a mind off things, won't it?
00:24:32It doesn't even get lost if it's so near.
00:24:34So I wouldn't really need a cab.
00:24:36Really.
00:24:38What would you like us to say, laddie?
00:24:40Tell us and we'll say it.
00:24:42I mean, that's what we're here for.
00:24:44A sort of Mobile Citizens Advice Bureau.
00:24:47No, it's okay, thanks.
00:24:50Oi!
00:24:57They're the cream of Britain's intelligentsia, I believe.
00:25:09Not one.
00:25:10I told you.
00:25:12It's just three teas, three coffees and toast for four.
00:25:16Nope.
00:25:17Hang about.
00:25:19Toast for two.
00:25:20No full breakfast for none.
00:25:23I couldn't tempt one of them.
00:25:25All they want to do at the moment is throw up.
00:25:27I told you.
00:25:28Interview week.
00:25:30They just come in to fill in time.
00:25:32Time fillers, I call them.
00:25:35They'll make up for it at lunchtime though.
00:25:37Some of them anyway.
00:25:39Double helping to shepherd's pie once the first interview is behind them.
00:25:44Comfort food.
00:25:46Comfort fooders, I call them.
00:25:48Time fillers in the morning, comfort fooders in the afternoon.
00:25:51They won't.
00:25:53They won't throw literally up, will they?
00:25:56I always reckon they're the lucky ones.
00:26:20Oh, thank you very much.
00:26:29The toast won't be a minute.
00:26:32It's just toasting.
00:26:34Okay.
00:26:35On your marks.
00:26:36Get set.
00:26:37Go.
00:26:38I don't feel so well.
00:26:39Yes, you do.
00:26:41It's cold.
00:26:42I got a freeze to death.
00:26:43It'll warm you up.
00:26:45Go on.
00:26:46None of the others are doing it.
00:26:48Who am I doing this for, Rosemary?
00:26:50Sorry.
00:26:50Not for me.
00:26:52You're not doing it.
00:26:53I'm doing it.
00:26:53Just go to the ladies' Rosemary and get your clothes off.
00:27:07It can't still be 25 past.
00:27:12I had a laugh at work till the week.
00:27:14I didn't tell you.
00:27:17This woman brought him Asger in for a service.
00:27:1910,000 mile.
00:27:23She says to young Graham.
00:27:25Talk about laughing.
00:27:27You did tell us.
00:27:29I didn't, did I?
00:27:30I thought I didn't.
00:27:31No, you did.
00:27:36You made a hell of a laugh, Neil.
00:27:38She says, you know when you put your clocks back?
00:27:42Dad, don't.
00:27:44I'm all right.
00:27:45Thanks, anyway.
00:27:46No hilarious side-splitting anecdotes and I'll be as beholden as buggery.
00:27:55Toast.
00:27:56A few more packets of butter, dear, yes?
00:27:59Well, the rule's one per slice.
00:28:01Well, this is the exception.
00:28:03Right.
00:28:04Oh, I used to live on hot buttered toast in my Cambridge days.
00:28:08Every meal, virtually.
00:28:10Apart from high table, of course.
00:28:12Can you manage a sliced muffin?
00:28:14Half a slice.
00:28:15It's brown bread, full of goodness.
00:28:18Have it without butter.
00:28:20I've just ordered extra.
00:28:22Then it won't make you heave.
00:28:23Harriet, if she wants, she'll take.
00:28:26Don't pressurise.
00:28:28Do you know something?
00:28:30You are going to make her fail this interview, Harriet.
00:28:33You will make her fail and it will be your fault
00:28:34and you will carry that knowledge to your grave.
00:28:36Now, I don't want to hear another squeak out of you.
00:28:39Right?
00:28:42Right.
00:28:42Pippa.
00:28:43Dad, no.
00:28:44Please.
00:28:45Henry Kissinger, hero or villain?
00:28:47And why?
00:28:54Applying for American politics, is she?
00:28:58Sorry?
00:28:59Your lass.
00:29:00Da-
00:29:01Da-
00:29:01Daughter.
00:29:02English literature.
00:29:04Oh.
00:29:05Right.
00:29:10Good girl.
00:29:11I feel stupid.
00:29:13Now, a good steady pace.
00:29:14No stopping.
00:29:15Back here with a good sweat on in, er...
00:29:1720 minutes.
00:29:18I think I'm coming down with the flu.
00:29:20You just think you are.
00:29:23That's what I said.
00:29:24No, you just think you think you are.
00:29:26Off you pop.
00:29:45My lad.
00:29:47My son.
00:29:48That is.
00:29:49He's applying for English as well.
00:29:52We're rivals, then.
00:29:55Are we?
00:29:56Of course.
00:29:59What?
00:30:00Is he supposed to know about Henry Kissinger as well?
00:30:05Did he hear that?
00:30:06How much do you know about Henry?
00:30:07Roughly as much as he knows about me.
00:30:09That's why we never go on holiday together.
00:30:12Well, his teacher never said anything about him knowing anything about Henry Kissinger.
00:30:17Janie.
00:30:17Is she applying for Keep Fit?
00:30:20Pardon?
00:30:21Your daughter.
00:30:23Studying.
00:30:24Gymnastics, is she?
00:30:25Computer science.
00:30:27Oh.
00:30:28Oh, she's just ever so keen on gymnastics, then.
00:30:31It's lateral thinking on my part.
00:30:3420 minutes.
00:30:34Physical exertion.
00:30:35Then a glass of Pepsi when she gets back.
00:30:38Peak adrenaline level.
00:30:39Essential for peak mental condition.
00:30:42But won't she be, you know?
00:30:46Perspiring, to some extent.
00:30:48She'll wash herself down on the ladies.
00:30:50Soap, towel, talc.
00:30:51All organised.
00:30:53Right.
00:30:56Thanks.
00:30:57I was just interested.
00:31:01Don't even think about it, Mother.
00:31:03I've no intention of even breaking into a mild hop.
00:31:06Have you not?
00:31:08I'll refer the right honourable lady to the reply I gave a few moments ago.
00:31:14Will he be all right with his adrenaline levels?
00:31:17His teacher never even mentioned Henry Kissinger.
00:31:20Well, you went to the parents' evening, not me.
00:31:27Need a cab, lady?
00:31:28Um...
00:31:30No.
00:31:30It's not far.
00:31:41No hurry.
00:31:48Um...
00:31:50No.
00:31:52Any ideas?
00:31:56No?
00:32:02None?
00:32:09If your mind really has gone completely blank, just say so and we'll, er, take our time.
00:32:19Just give me one example.
00:32:22But not from the wasteland.
00:32:25Or murder in a cathedral.
00:32:29Just...
00:32:30Any...
00:32:32Specific example.
00:32:36More or less be specific, sort of.
00:32:42Try, er...
00:32:43J. Alfred Prufrock.
00:32:48Mean shirt.
00:32:50Did you go out and buy one?
00:32:51Oh, for God's sake!
00:32:54Well, go out and do so.
00:32:56Now!
00:32:57What?
00:32:58You know perfectly well.
00:33:01Sixteen neck.
00:33:02That's before I wring it for you.
00:33:05Sixteen and a half collar.
00:33:08Er, I'm sorry.
00:33:09What was my question?
00:33:14Um...
00:33:14Can you hear a tinkling sound?
00:33:19Is that one?
00:33:20From J. Alfred Prufrock?
00:33:23Sorry?
00:33:32He's coming out.
00:33:34If you want.
00:33:35Right.
00:33:36Thank you for having us.
00:33:41You're funny.
00:33:43You're funny.
00:33:47You're funny.
00:33:50Is he...
00:33:52Is he...
00:33:54Is he...
00:33:55Is he...
00:33:56Is he...
00:33:56I'm a little bit old...
00:33:56No, no!
00:33:58Oh.
00:34:02Here we go.
00:34:24They're not old, are they?
00:34:26Well, not red, exactly.
00:34:27Oh, Piggy. I wouldn't say Piggy.
00:34:32Finish your drink.
00:34:36Feeling good?
00:34:37I've twisted my ankle.
00:34:39No, you haven't.
00:34:45Neil, I just wanted to say something.
00:34:50I'm proud of you.
00:34:53Pass or fail.
00:34:55Me, the mum, the old street.
00:35:00Everybody that knows you.
00:35:02And the two that only know me.
00:35:05And if it gets rough in there, just think on,
00:35:08what will it matter 100 years hence?
00:35:11It won't matter toughness, lad.
00:35:14You just tell me one thing that's happened 100 years ago
00:35:17that's made a blind scrap of difference.
00:35:19And there isn't one.
00:35:21Hitler's mum met Hitler's dad.
00:35:24Oh, no, hang on. That were a few years earlier.
00:35:26You know what I mean.
00:35:28Joke.
00:35:29Comic relief to relieve the tension.
00:35:32Shakespeare does it.
00:35:33He thinks.
00:35:35Hey, I love.
00:35:36Take this.
00:35:37What is it?
00:35:38It's your grandma Whittle's wedding ring to bring you luck.
00:35:41Luck?
00:35:42I thought he left her after three weeks.
00:35:45He didn't buy her it.
00:35:46She bought it herself at Thornton Cleveland's when she was pregnant with your dad.
00:35:49It's not gold.
00:35:51Oh, well.
00:35:52I wish you'd given it to me earlier.
00:35:53We could have gone under that ladder then, couldn't we, Dad?
00:35:56We'd have been all right.
00:35:57Oh, a ring couldn't put it right.
00:35:59No, for going under a ladder, you've to cross your fingers till you see a dog.
00:36:02Biggest shoe.
00:36:04Help the homeless help themselves.
00:36:06That's the comic you like, isn't it?
00:36:08It's not exactly a comic, Dad.
00:36:10My treat.
00:36:10Only 70p.
00:36:11Sorry, Michael.
00:36:12I can't change it, sweetie.
00:36:13Don't worry about the change, old chap.
00:36:15It's all yours.
00:36:16Dad, it's 70p.
00:36:18If you want to be generous, you give a pound at the most.
00:36:20Compassion costs nothing, Pippa.
00:36:22My interview isn't with God, you know.
00:36:24Don't be a silly Pippa Pippa.
00:36:26I can't bribe God.
00:36:28I'm doing a good bloody deed.
00:36:30It is a good deed, darling.
00:36:32Who for, Mother?
00:36:33I'm helping the bloody homeless scrounging layabout parasites.
00:36:39It'll be better in a minute.
00:36:41No, it won't.
00:36:48I'm going to be good.
00:37:04How did you get on, then?
00:37:07Pardon?
00:37:08I saw you coming out of Queen's and I thought, correct me if I'm wrong, but I bet he's just
00:37:13been for an interview.
00:37:16Oh, right, yes, I have.
00:37:22So, it was more like a chat.
00:37:25You know, not so much chatters.
00:37:28So, all in all, not too bad, really.
00:37:31Well, not too good, either.
00:37:33From that respect, a bit disappointed.
00:37:36Well, not disappointed.
00:37:38So, to sort of sum up.
00:37:42Tending to good sort of-ish.
00:37:44Which is brilliant, really.
00:37:46Not that I did brilliant, of course.
00:37:49Understood.
00:37:50So, one down, one to go.
00:37:53Great.
00:37:54Thanks for asking.
00:37:55Oh, I just thought I'd ask.
00:37:57Cheers.
00:37:58I've been east about your age.
00:38:00She's had her nose pierced.
00:38:02But we've learned to live with it.
00:38:05Great.
00:38:10So, what did he say?
00:38:12He's not disappointed, really.
00:38:15He's just slightly, sort of, ishy.
00:39:04Right, young man.
00:39:08Are you going to call out good luck?
00:39:11Are you?
00:39:13Well, I'm just debating.
00:39:16People might hear.
00:39:18Well, it's not their flesh and blood.
00:39:21Nearly three quarters of an hour yet.
00:39:23That's right. I'll wait inside.
00:39:25Stay here with us.
00:39:26I'll wait inside.
00:39:29Pippa, word from the wise.
00:39:31Just be yourself.
00:39:35How?
00:39:36All of a sudden, how the hell do I do that?
00:39:39When have I had the practice?
00:39:43What does she mean?
00:39:46Harriet, what did she mean?
00:39:51I'll show you.
00:40:02There is no one.
00:40:03Things will take care of after the ë¹¼- uh- ATC rub
00:40:16You're right, we're not going to be
00:40:16So I'm going to have to rotate your cords
00:40:25thank you Miss Bodley please ask the next one to hang on a moment for your
00:40:30second interview may I suggest you don't wear bells on your bonnet either take
00:40:34it off altogether or ask the porter for a pair of scissors thank you
00:40:50you have to hang on a minute how was it there's nothing to be twitchy about I
00:40:55think he was more twitchy than I was actually
00:41:09you weren't really christened muffin were you oh god you heard it's in the cafe
00:41:16it's a gesture of affection from my mother and a sign of total panic from my
00:41:20father or is there for times of crisis I'm usually just yelled at as Pippa almost
00:41:27just pathetic isn't it I'm Neil hi sorry sorry fun all this isn't it
00:41:45I was relatively okay till my dad started whistling on the M6 it's always a bad sign
00:41:51he only does it when he scared the world's coming to an end it's mostly Abba he whistled all the
00:41:58way
00:41:58through the Gulf War and my mother thinks that whistling's bad luck anyway so now she's scared
00:42:04the world's coming to an end it isn't quite the world come to an end though is it try telling
00:42:15my
00:42:16to there's no point telling my to anything I just wish they get a life instead of mine
00:42:27do you like blur do you do you I used to me too I still like the old stuff yeah
00:42:38everyone else
00:42:39seems potty about the new stuff I'm not keen me neither if I don't get in I think my dad'll
00:42:50send
00:42:50text the place and me and my mother mostly my mother you'll get in all right why'd you say that
00:43:05just know you will feel you well I hope so anyway thanks
00:43:30hello puss hello what's your name blackie is it come on blackie come on just just just just cross
00:43:39my path nice puss oh what have I got here salmon toffee for pussycats haliput and cream mmm can
00:43:51you smell it come on come on come on Chuck be a sport
00:44:24thank you
00:44:33say
00:44:38so hold it a little bit uh near the end you know a bit more leverage very good lots of
00:44:45style very
00:44:46good and please if she doesn't don't let it be my fault because i sapped her confidence when i
00:44:59left her for an hour at her baby ballet class while i went looking for amtiko and don't let me
00:45:05carry it
00:45:05to the grave please let the interviewers look kindly upon her countenance and cause her to pass
00:45:13and i'll never ask for anything ever again through jesus christ our lord amen
00:45:33so
00:45:39so
00:45:46so
00:45:47so
00:45:48so
00:46:01Hello again
00:46:03Oh, you got some then
00:46:06Oh, I feel awful tight
00:46:08Oh, beg your pardon
00:46:10I'm with you
00:46:12I say I don't know what I haven't bought
00:46:16Shows you though, wherever you are
00:46:17It's the same stuff here
00:46:19Blackburn, Pathos
00:46:21Same shop, same bits of nothing
00:46:23Mind you, the prices are different
00:46:27Well, good luck then
00:46:36You a Cambridge man?
00:46:38Oh no, Blackburn
00:46:40Blackburn Langs
00:46:41No, I mean, where you at, Cambridge
00:46:44No, Accrington Road, Comprehensive
00:46:47That's where Neil also makes attendance
00:46:49Ah
00:46:55You a Cambridge man?
00:46:57If nothing else
00:46:59Right
00:47:03Do you reside here?
00:47:05Cheltenham for my sins
00:47:15He'll be in there now, we'll kneel
00:47:18I don't know whether he gets his brains from
00:47:22Whence from, rather
00:47:23But not my side
00:47:26His auntie Gwen's a JP in Haslington
00:47:31She's a great believer in books
00:47:33In what?
00:47:38Bucks
00:47:40Bucks
00:47:43Oh, books
00:47:45That's what I said
00:47:46And Arneal's the same
00:47:50He's always got his nose into reading matter
00:47:53Pippa, likewise
00:47:55First class brain
00:47:58God
00:48:00Diabolical, all this, isn't it?
00:48:03Tense time for all of us
00:48:06He'll be very disappointed
00:48:07Hmm?
00:48:09If he doesn't get in
00:48:11Oh, me too, if Pippa doesn't
00:48:13It's always mattered to her
00:48:15That she follow in my footsteps
00:48:18Plunked me on a pedestal
00:48:19At an early age, I'm afraid
00:48:21They won't, you see
00:48:23If I kneel
00:48:25Get in
00:48:26I shouldn't think
00:48:30It's a shame
00:48:31Pippa should swing it, okay
00:48:33She's a real worker
00:48:35You're, uh, Neil
00:48:36A little lazy, is he?
00:48:38Neil?
00:48:40He's like a man possessed
00:48:41We're studying his Neil
00:48:42Half the night, many a night
00:48:44Lazy!
00:48:44Ten A's and no GCSEs, Pippa
00:48:46Neil did exactly the same
00:48:48Nine or ten, if not more
00:48:49Literature prize, two years running
00:48:51Hmm, Neil as well
00:48:52He did the double
00:48:52Was it three years running?
00:48:55Anyway, deputy head girl
00:48:57Neil too
00:48:57Boy
00:48:58President, debating society
00:48:59Editor, school magazine
00:49:00Fencing champion
00:49:03Queen's material through and through
00:49:09Who do you support, then?
00:49:12What, um, charities, you mean?
00:49:15Football, which football team?
00:49:16Oh, uh, Cambridge, I suppose
00:49:20Always have
00:49:21Since another graduate
00:49:22Cambridge?
00:49:25Cambridge United
00:49:27The Cambridge United
00:49:29That were relegated to the third division
00:49:31Were they?
00:49:33Blackburn Rovers, me
00:49:34The cream
00:49:36Premiership champions
00:49:38Were there every fortnight
00:49:41At Newwood Park, me and Neil
00:49:44Jack Walker's blue and white army
00:49:46That's all right?
00:49:47No, yes
00:49:48Um, you, um, you go to the match together?
00:49:54Mm-hmm, every fortnight since he was a pup
00:50:25We've been to lots of places together, Pippa and I
00:50:27It's all right, not yet
00:50:29He's got to make a phone call
00:50:30How did it go?
00:50:31What are your particular interests
00:50:33In poetry, drama
00:50:34And the novel of the last hundred years?
00:50:36Oh, God
00:50:36Convince me that Queen's
00:50:38Wouldn't be wasting a place
00:50:39By giving you one
00:50:39Oh, God
00:50:40And what would your schoolmates say about you
00:50:42If asked what do they like and dislike about you
00:50:44Then he asked me about Kingsley Amis
00:50:46Not Martin
00:50:49Oh, God
00:50:51It was Martin
00:50:53I've just burbled on about his dad
00:50:58It's a good job they can't ask my school friends
00:51:00What they think about me
00:51:02She giggles for nothing
00:51:03She cries for nothing
00:51:04She bores for Cheltenham
00:51:05She's frigid
00:51:06Ignore them
00:51:08Lads say things like that
00:51:10No, there are no lads
00:51:12Boys
00:51:13It's all girl
00:51:14You know, lasses
00:51:16It's them who say it
00:51:18Oh
00:51:19It's because I've never any juicy bits to tell them on Monday mornings
00:51:22You know, about the weekends
00:51:25What else am I?
00:51:26Weird?
00:51:27Infantile?
00:51:28They would be wasting a place
00:51:30It's cool, actually
00:51:32No juicy bits to tell
00:51:34Well, boyfriends and A-levels do not mix, I'm told
00:51:39Repeatedly
00:51:39Non-stop
00:51:42Not that I fancy anyone anyway
00:51:47Shall I hang on
00:51:48While you have your interview?
00:51:50Aren't you meeting your parents?
00:51:52Theoretically
00:51:52Back in the cafe of fear and trembling
00:51:55I am
00:51:56Mine
00:51:59No, you better go
00:52:00They'll be wanting to know how you did
00:52:05Right
00:52:07How about you?
00:52:11Girlfriends
00:52:12What with A-levels and everything
00:52:13We're, you know, mostly in a gang
00:52:17Males
00:52:17Females
00:52:18Whatever
00:52:20Miss Lloyd
00:52:21Miss Lloyd
00:52:21Yes, sir
00:52:21Into the dragons
00:52:22Whatever the word's supposed to be
00:52:24Den, lair, mouth
00:52:26Webs for spiders, I believe
00:52:28You can push off, Mr Whittle
00:52:29Your next one's not till 3.15, I think
00:52:31With, uh, Professor Lomax
00:52:32Yes, sir
00:52:37And yes
00:52:39I definitely see you moving house
00:52:44Somewhere with sea and sand
00:52:49It could be Spain
00:52:53Or
00:52:54Italy, perhaps
00:52:57Somewhere definitely a bit more sunny than Cambridge anyway
00:53:01No, well, I don't live in Cambridge
00:53:03No
00:53:05I was saying definitely not Cambridge
00:53:07I can see that clear as a bell
00:53:09I was saying
00:53:10Not like Cambridge
00:53:13But
00:53:13I'll be coming back
00:53:15Will I?
00:53:16Sort of, um
00:53:18From time to time
00:53:20To, say
00:53:22Visit someone who
00:53:23Who might be living here
00:53:25I see many journeys and travels ahead
00:53:30I'm, someone who
00:53:32I know
00:53:34Um
00:53:35Who may be here
00:53:37In the future
00:53:39Or
00:53:41Or not
00:53:44As the case may be
00:53:45I see someone
00:53:48Close to you
00:53:49Does that ring a bell?
00:53:52A relative
00:53:54Or a gentleman friend?
00:53:56No, it'd be a relative
00:53:58Yes, definitely a relative
00:54:00Clear as a bell
00:54:02And he'll be
00:54:03Living here, will he?
00:54:05You know
00:54:05Definitely
00:54:08Or somewhere nice and sunny
00:54:10With sea and sand
00:54:14Or not
00:54:17Happen
00:54:18As the case may be
00:54:23You know
00:54:24I know
00:54:56All right.
00:55:04Now the big interview.
00:55:06My dad.
00:55:07What did he say, and then what did you say, and what did he say back?
00:55:10I don't know if I can face it.
00:55:12No.
00:55:13Mine will be turning panic into a new art form.
00:55:16Wobbling like little wobbly things with special reason to wobble.
00:55:18Our national wobbling day.
00:55:20Right.
00:55:22I wouldn't mind a bit of a walk around first.
00:55:25I could murder some fish and chips.
00:55:27In the street?
00:55:28Yeah, with the vinegar dripping out the bottom of the bag.
00:55:31You're wrong.
00:55:33Won't we feel guilty?
00:55:34Oh, we're teenagers.
00:55:35We're supposed to feel guilty.
00:55:39Try this way.
00:55:40Then they won't catch us through the window.
00:55:49You go to the trouble of buying a new shirt.
00:55:51Nothing's a trouble if it's to please you, Simon.
00:55:56Then put it on.
00:55:57Then have a shave and splatter blood all over it.
00:56:00The preferred sequence of events was never mentioned.
00:56:04How old are you?
00:56:0578?
00:56:06You've been shaving for what?
00:56:0761 years?
00:56:10You must know the preferred sequence.
00:56:12You taught me.
00:56:15How many shaves is that?
00:56:17One a day for 61 years.
00:56:1822,260.
00:56:22Sorry.
00:56:2365.
00:56:25You can fasten your shoelaces on the way.
00:56:27Really?
00:56:29Do the police know that?
00:56:33Three mama's shepherd's pie, two steak and kidney and a double spag ball with bread and butter.
00:56:38They're like vultures.
00:56:40I told you, it was ever done.
00:56:42I could write a book.
00:56:52Are you ready to order?
00:56:54Yes, farmhouse soup, bangers and mash with manche two, gato to follow.
00:56:59And for madam?
00:57:01I'll hang on till my daughter arrives.
00:57:04She won't be lying.
00:57:07Oh, we're hanging fire and all.
00:57:09We're not clamming.
00:57:10Oh, right.
00:57:12Hi.
00:57:13I'm Isabel Wilding.
00:57:15I've got an appointment with Mrs Mother Polly.
00:57:18Oh, right.
00:57:19Follow me.
00:57:25Mother Polly!
00:57:26Miss Wilding.
00:57:28Oh, hello, dear.
00:57:30Take a pew.
00:57:33Isn't this a bad time for you?
00:57:35Only time, dear.
00:57:37Now, have you had waitress experience before?
00:57:42Oh, it's all right.
00:57:44Bobby's not being sacked.
00:57:45She's moving on.
00:57:46Getting married.
00:57:48Giving it a try.
00:57:50Lovely.
00:57:51Well, um, let's see.
00:57:53Um, since July, I've done a little waitressing.
00:57:56I've temped as a secretary and, uh, I've done a spot of part-time at Tesco's.
00:58:00Oh, I was looking for someone permanent, you say?
00:58:03That's what I was hoping.
00:58:05Well, haven't you done anything before July?
00:58:08Yes, I-I did three years at Magdalen College, Oxford.
00:58:11Waitressing at High Table?
00:58:13Doing my B.A.
00:58:14I got a 2.1 in French medieval history.
00:58:17Yes, but where did you do your waitressing?
00:58:19That's what counts.
00:58:22Right, have a tilt at this one.
00:58:25Convince me that Carlton Sheltered Homes wouldn't be wasting a place, a flat, if they offered
00:58:29it to you rather than someone else.
00:58:31Ask me another.
00:58:32You say that every time.
00:58:34I won't the next time.
00:58:39What would your neighbours say about you if asked?
00:58:41What do they like and dislike about you?
00:58:43Ask me another.
00:58:44Oh, for God's sake.
00:58:45Who cares what they'd say about me?
00:58:47They're all senile and tankerous old thorns.
00:58:56Tell me what.
00:58:58Ask me why globalism produces tribalism.
00:59:03Ask me why life-simplifying technology makes life so complicated.
00:59:10Ask me why the more we learn, the less we know.
00:59:12Ask me why the highest seats of learning produce cabinet ministers with the nose of the lowest
00:59:19earthworm.
00:59:22Ask me why children turn their parents into children.
00:59:29Ask Carlton Sheltered Homes why they think I'd even want one of their lousy flats in the first
00:59:36place.
00:59:36Ask me why shoelaces won't stay fastened these days.
00:59:46You see, the secret's in the batter.
00:59:48The thinner, the crispier.
00:59:50And the chips should always be blanched.
00:59:52It should be what?
00:59:53Par-fried.
00:59:54Cooked in two goes.
00:59:56Then you dry them off completely.
00:59:57Toss them in salt.
00:59:59You should apply for chip shop studies for your degree.
01:00:01You're getting easily.
01:00:03You get a first.
01:00:04Already got a PhD.
01:00:15What do we do, lie?
01:00:17It's not called lying.
01:00:19It's called good interview technique.
01:00:45Hang on.
01:00:48I wondered where I'd draw the line.
01:00:50That's where.
01:00:52Being spat on.
01:01:06Are you sure you won't have something?
01:01:09Oh, cross my heart.
01:01:10Anticipate mortality.
01:01:13Terrible smell of vinegar in here, isn't that?
01:01:17Pungent.
01:01:20Well, it is a cafe.
01:01:22They're very big on condiments in cafes.
01:01:25Power of logic, you see.
01:01:28Queen's material through and through.
01:01:33Not one single current affairs question in the entire interview.
01:01:37In area one.
01:01:39Now make up for it in the next.
01:01:42I've forgotten his name.
01:01:45Who?
01:01:46Martin McGuinness.
01:01:48It's Martin McGuinness.
01:01:50No, I mean, I've forgotten who he is.
01:01:54Never mind.
01:02:05Hello again, again.
01:02:07Oh, hi.
01:02:08Hello.
01:02:09Have you had your good luck yet?
01:02:10Fingers crossed.
01:02:12She's letting me know.
01:02:14Letting you know?
01:02:15Whether I've got the job.
01:02:17The proprietor.
01:02:19To be a waitress.
01:02:20Here?
01:02:21Yeah, that's right.
01:02:22Well, toast crossed and all, then.
01:02:26Thanks.
01:02:27Be good.
01:02:29Bye.
01:02:29Do you know, then?
01:02:36Miss?
01:02:38Miss?
01:02:38Excuse me.
01:02:39Miss?
01:02:50Taking their time, aren't they?
01:03:02found it okay it's just what you said oh yeah no problem i think i did you know who knows
01:03:13ish ish great well not great no
01:03:24and shouldn't we have gone by now we're just waiting on a mrs marion connecting from peterborough
01:03:30won't be long we got to clear on we'll make up a bit of time the thing is it's important
01:03:36that we
01:03:36start on time not if we make up a bit on the way no you see that's not
01:03:55so
01:04:22three sticky toffee pudding and custard and three apple pie and cream
01:04:25oh and there's a customer out there that says that that miss wilding is fantastic what just now
01:04:32she called me over and says she's seen her waitressing said she's the best she's ever
01:04:36seen present company accepted meaning me well i suppose you have to say that really
01:04:41well that's encouraging word of mouth best recommendation there is lucky for me she was
01:04:48in stroke of luck for miss wilding as well oh and wonderful chocolate pudding with chocolate sauce
01:05:06enormous demand so obviously an early interview with prospective flat purchases is useful to both
01:05:14parties hardly interview really no no no not interview as such more a sort of mini chinwag between friends
01:05:20so that the professor can feel that he'd be happy here and we'd be happy to welcome him
01:05:24one happy family eh james we have very few rules as such just common sense really i.e. properly dressed
01:05:33in all communal areas getting on with other residents no falling out over who has the best garden bench in
01:05:39the summer
01:05:40or having our tvs and radios on too loud and annoying people we'd be annoyed if others did it to
01:05:45us wouldn't we
01:05:47we're colour coordinated naturally blue for boys
01:05:52included in the price of course is the use of all our communal facilities
01:05:57tea and coffee here in the lounge coach strips
01:06:01a little library bursting with westerns and thrillers and readers digest
01:06:05christmas parties with a conjurer you name it now does your father have any questions for us dr. pool
01:06:13no
01:06:16no he hasn't
01:06:17none
01:06:19i think we'll go now if you don't mind we've barely started yet
01:06:24home james
01:06:25but i don't understand
01:06:28i do
01:06:30now i do
01:06:31sorry
01:06:33there's no bingo at all then
01:06:36it led to arguments
01:06:39of course
01:06:43it's nothing sacred
01:06:45don't snigger
01:06:48careful of your shillace
01:06:51so are you going to stop worrying about me from now on
01:06:56ask me another
01:07:05go somewhere less plebby for afternoon tea
01:07:08you what's got into you
01:07:10you never eat and today you've been
01:07:13didn't say now i said afternoon tea for god's sake
01:07:16so you're um you're uh waiting inside again then
01:07:21pippa
01:07:24harriet
01:07:25muffin
01:07:26waiting inside again
01:07:28yes i think so
01:07:31be confident darling
01:07:33that's the secret
01:07:34right
01:07:36got it
01:07:41good luck again son
01:07:44neil
01:07:45hmm
01:07:45i was saying
01:07:46good luck
01:07:47oh right
01:07:49wish i could go in for you
01:07:51but i can't
01:07:53just as well really
01:07:54haha
01:07:55haha
01:07:57do not
01:07:57do not
01:08:14get in for you
01:08:21to come
01:08:21and
01:08:24help
01:08:25or
01:08:25help
01:08:25help
01:08:25help
01:08:37What did he do that for?
01:08:41What?
01:08:43He never does that.
01:08:46Does what?
01:08:48With his hand.
01:08:52That was weird.
01:08:54What was?
01:08:56Never do that.
01:08:58He just waved, that's all.
01:09:02Why, though?
01:09:05I don't know what you mean, love.
01:09:09I know an omen when I see it, babies.
01:09:17Do you feel it?
01:09:19Feel what?
01:09:22Yes.
01:09:24Yes, I do.
01:09:26I don't follow.
01:09:28We're watching her go, Harriet.
01:09:30Sorry.
01:09:32Look, he'd be back in three quarters of an hour.
01:09:35I wasn't waving goodbye or anything.
01:09:38Something was.
01:09:40In what way?
01:09:43He's on his own now.
01:09:46That's it.
01:09:48What is?
01:09:49Is that what you meant?
01:09:52We're watching her go.
01:09:54To her interview?
01:09:56That's all.
01:09:56Muffin?
01:09:58Muffin?
01:09:59Muffin!
01:09:59You!
01:09:59Stop it.
01:10:01Why are you calling her Muffin?
01:10:10I feel cold.
01:10:15I feel cold.
01:10:16Anybody feel cold?
01:10:17I feel cold.
01:10:51do you understand her when she says things
01:10:54you know muffin and her school pals
01:10:58different language isn't it
01:11:00well it isn't a language at all really
01:11:04I blame Blackadder
01:11:06and Fry and Laurie
01:11:09I mean it's all words with them isn't it
01:11:12vocabulary
01:11:13there's no rhyme no reason
01:11:18shall I get some cardboard cups of tea
01:11:21warm the cockles
01:11:25there's a takeaway back yonder
01:11:28not cardboard is it
01:11:31polystyrene
01:11:32it's gone very parky hasn't it
01:11:35or is it me
01:11:43last few months
01:11:46I keep imagining I'm
01:11:50opening a tin of corned beef at four o'clock in the morning and my heart starts banging
01:11:56I don't think I'm with you love
01:11:59our Neil
01:12:02he's never opened a tin of corned beef in his life
01:12:05baked beans yes but
01:12:07pins of corned beef can be lethal
01:12:09they can
01:12:11well you could slice your finger off
01:12:16so if he is on his tod from now on
01:12:23how's he ever going to know about it
01:12:25other than
01:12:27by slicing his finger off
01:12:29why would he open a tin of corned beef
01:12:32at four in the morning
01:12:33at four in the morning
01:12:34no
01:12:36no
01:12:37four o'clock's when I wake up imagining
01:12:41well that's just one of the things I imagine there's hundreds
01:12:44I make lists
01:12:47I don't think I'm with you love
01:12:49the thing is
01:12:52the thing is
01:12:54well
01:12:59we're on our tod and all aren't we
01:13:00you and me
01:13:03so
01:13:06what do we do from now on
01:13:09every day with
01:13:12no one to bring up no more
01:13:15what do we think about
01:13:21does Pippa know about tins of corned beef
01:13:25stop it Harriet
01:13:26what is it love
01:13:29I don't know
01:13:32I cry sometimes
01:13:36in me sleep
01:13:38they don't even remember us bringing them up
01:13:41they think it was always like this
01:13:43that we were always like this
01:13:45they think we've always been a hundred years old
01:13:50I think I'm a bit scared of Muffin
01:13:52don't be ridiculous Harriet
01:13:54I'm not scared of O'Neill
01:13:57a bit wary perhaps
01:14:00a bit on the circumspect side
01:14:02in case I say something daft
01:14:06sometimes I go to say something and I stop myself
01:14:10for fear I'm gonna sound like my mother
01:14:15all she ever said was daft
01:14:20it's Eskimos isn't it that
01:14:23when they get
01:14:25old and no use to know one no more
01:14:28they just quietly sling the rooks and toddle off into the snow
01:14:33for good
01:14:35and
01:14:36their kids don't much bother
01:14:39because they're all too busy
01:14:41catching fish in hoes
01:14:44and hoovering the regloos
01:14:46and life goes on
01:14:49theirs does
01:14:53not the poor old useless bugger lying in the snow
01:14:59hers doesn't
01:15:24I just don't care about you
01:15:26I just don't care about you
01:15:39Oh, God. You haven't been selling it all day, I hope.
01:15:44Of course not.
01:15:46You just got here.
01:15:48Thought I'd meet you.
01:15:53The tube's this way.
01:15:56Oh.
01:15:59How did he get on?
01:16:02Well, quite chuffed, really.
01:16:04Well, not so.
01:16:13Excuse me. Could you tell me the best way to cats, please?
01:16:17The Andrew Lloyd Webber?
01:16:19Pardon?
01:16:19I'm not really being a lover of the musical theatre.
01:16:21I'm not sure which one is actually.
01:16:23It'll be in the evening paper.
01:16:25Sorry.
01:16:26Sorry?
01:16:27Not a musical.
01:16:29Cats.
01:16:30St. Catherine's.
01:16:32Church.
01:16:33St. Catherine's College. Everyone calls it Cats.
01:16:37College.
01:16:38Ah, right.
01:16:39Well, you should have said.
01:16:43Gosh, you're miles away from Cats.
01:16:47Yes, it's a sweet corn.
01:16:49Yes, it's a sweet corn.
01:16:49Um, uh...
01:16:52Best plan is, uh, aim for the, uh, the main street and then ask again at the, uh, at the
01:17:00marketplace.
01:17:01Ah, well, this is Queen's, isn't it?
01:17:04This is correct.
01:17:06St. Catherine's is the college next door.
01:17:08It's just here.
01:17:10Oh, on the Porter's Lodge, I don't know whether it's quicker to go this way or that.
01:17:22Look, old man, we're, uh, a bit busy here, actually.
01:17:29Fine.
01:17:32Well, thanks a bunch.
01:17:34Actually.
01:17:37Well, we won't be completely honoured, Todd, love.
01:17:39I mean, not for good.
01:17:40I mean, he'll still come home for his holidays.
01:17:43Will he?
01:17:43Hmm?
01:17:44Till when?
01:17:46No, it's just us, really, Chuck.
01:17:49Like when we started.
01:17:52Am I going mental?
01:17:56Well, that's assuming he gets in, of course.
01:17:59And to Lloyd Webber?
01:18:01Miles away?
01:18:02Church?
01:18:03Your hubby was saying that he didn't think your son would actually get in.
01:18:08Oh, he says that just so as not to tempt Providence and put the mockers on it.
01:18:12Ha, ha.
01:18:12All these years, played cricket for Cambridge, got a first in economics, nearly got in the rowing team.
01:18:23The japes you got up to, wrapped in this bloody scarf ever since I met you.
01:18:28I hope it bloody chokes you.
01:18:30You were never here at all, were you?
01:18:32All right, Harriet, that'll, uh, that'll do.
01:18:34The whole thing is a lie.
01:18:36You're a bloody liar.
01:18:37She'll have got the swearing from Muffin.
01:18:39I told you before, going to Cambridge isn't important.
01:18:42No.
01:18:43You're spending the rest of your life telling people you did, right?
01:18:47And is it us two on our own as well now?
01:18:50Just the two of us from now on?
01:18:55Women.
01:18:57Women.
01:18:58Ah!
01:19:02What would we do without them?
01:19:06Now's your chance to find out.
01:19:15I thought meself, godforsaken and unholy, mean the same thing, really.
01:19:23So why is it one for one, and the other for the other?
01:19:30Well, I'd like to go to Neil.
01:19:31Neil, no.
01:19:33God, it's cold.
01:19:38It's cold enough for snow.
01:19:42And your phone?
01:19:43Of course.
01:19:44And will you?
01:19:45Oh, yeah.
01:19:47And will you write?
01:19:48You first.
01:19:50As soon as I get home.
01:19:52But give me your address first.
01:19:53It might help.
01:19:55Oh, no.
01:20:03Neil.
01:20:05Where else did you say you'd apply to?
01:20:08Manchester and Exeter.
01:20:10What about you?
01:20:11Bristol and Exeter.
01:20:17Listen, say no if you think it's stupid or, I mean, if you don't want to.
01:20:20One to what?
01:20:23Well, um, if one of us doesn't get in here, but the other one does,
01:20:30but we both get into Exeter.
01:20:35Why not?
01:20:41Good evening.
01:20:43Good evening.
01:20:47Good evening.
01:20:48Good evening.
01:21:08Good evening.
01:21:11Good evening.
01:21:13Good evening.
01:21:14Good evening.
01:21:15Good evening.
01:21:16Good evening.
01:21:17Good evening.
01:21:17Good evening.
01:21:18Good evening.
01:21:18Good evening.
01:21:18Oh, that's a nice day.
01:21:35Taxi!
01:21:43Harriet.
01:21:45Harriet!
01:21:48".
01:22:43Find out the effect student life has on both generations
01:22:46of Whittles and Lloyds in the sequel, Cold Enough for Snow, on Tuesday at 10.40.
01:22:51And tomorrow we've a whole night of tribute to the writer Jack Rosenthal, starting at five
01:22:55past seven.
01:22:56But stay with us tonight for the reality of the university experience in the 21st century,
01:23:01autumn term 2003 at Bristol in a moment.
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