- 6 minutes ago
Watch The Big Bang Theory AMZN GalaxyTV Season 1 Episode 14 online in HD on Dailymotion.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster.
00:04I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and Swiss on whole wheat.
00:08What did they give you?
00:09Turkey and roast beef with Swiss and lettuce on whole wheat.
00:18It's the right ingredients, but in the wrong order.
00:22In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread
00:25to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce.
00:28They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.
00:32I don't believe it.
00:34I know, it's basic culinary science.
00:36Some guy is auctioning off a miniature time machine prop
00:39from the original film and no one is bidding on it.
00:42A time machine from the movie The Time Machine?
00:45No, a time machine from Sophie's Choice.
00:48Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie.
00:51Did you see it? It's rough.
00:54Oh, that's cool.
00:55It's only $800?
00:57Yeah, and that's my bid.
00:58You bid $800?
01:00It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
01:01I figured it would go for thousands,
01:03and I just wanted to be a part of it.
01:05There's only 30 seconds left in the auction.
01:07Do you have $800?
01:08Not to blow on a miniature time machine.
01:11Well, don't worry.
01:11The way these things work is people wait until the last second to bid,
01:13and then they swoop in and get it.
01:15It's called sniping.
01:1515 seconds.
01:17Come on, snipers.
01:1910, 9, 8...
01:22Where are your snipers?
01:245...
01:25Snipe.
01:254...
01:26Snipe.
01:263...
01:27Snipe.
01:282...
01:28Snipe!
01:291...
01:30Oh, congratulations.
01:32You are the proud owner of a miniature time machine.
01:36You lucky duck.
01:38I wonder why no one else bid.
01:40This is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia.
01:42I know.
01:43But I still can't afford it.
01:44Why don't we share it?
01:46We'll each put in $200,
01:47and we'll take turns having it in our house.
01:49A timeshare time machine.
01:52I'm in.
01:53Sheldon?
01:53Need you ask?
01:55I still understand why no one else bid.
02:06I understand why no one else bid.
02:10Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state
02:13that nearly 14 million years ago
02:16expansion started way around.
02:17The earth began to cool.
02:18The autotrophs began to drew me and recalls
02:21develop tools.
02:22We built a wall.
02:22We built the pyramids.
02:23Map, science, history, unraveling the mystery.
02:26It all started with a big bang.
02:29Bang!
02:36Did the listing actually say miniature?
02:41I just assumed.
02:43Who sells a full-size time machine for $800?
02:48In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual
02:51located within the intersection of the sets
02:53who no longer want my time machine
02:54and need $800.
02:57It's actually a tremendous bargain.
02:59Even with shipping, it works out
03:01to less than $4 a pound.
03:04Cocktail shrimp at $12.50.
03:08How are we going to get it upstairs?
03:11If we take the dish off, it might fit in the elevator.
03:14Yes, but the elevator's been broken for two years.
03:17I've been meaning to ask you,
03:18do you think we should make a call about that?
03:22It's not necessary.
03:23I have a master's in engineering.
03:25I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis.
03:29I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads.
03:32When the Mars rover started pulling to the left,
03:34I performed a front-end alignment
03:36from 62 million miles away.
03:49No, that baby's broken.
03:54Come on, guys, push.
03:55If I push any harder,
03:57I'm going to give birth to my colon.
04:00I can't feel my fingers. Hurry up.
04:02It's the same amount of work
04:03no matter how fast you go. Basic physics.
04:05Sheldon?
04:06Yeah?
04:06If my fingers ever work again,
04:08I've got a job for the middle one.
04:12Oh, hey, guys.
04:13Uh, hi, Penny.
04:17Take a break, guys.
04:19What are you doing?
04:21Just, you know, moving something upstairs.
04:23What is it?
04:24It's, you know, time machine.
04:28Yeah, okay, neat,
04:29but I really got to get to work, so...
04:30Just give us a few minutes.
04:31I don't have a few minutes.
04:32I'm running really late.
04:33Then I have a simple solution.
04:35Go up to the roof,
04:36hop over to the next building.
04:37There's a small gap.
04:38Don't look down at your subject to vertigo
04:40and use their stairwell.
04:42You're joking, right?
04:44Oh, I never joke when it comes to vertigo.
04:48Damn.
04:49Okay, I'll just take the roof.
04:51Hey, if you wait for us
04:52to set up the time machine,
04:53I can drop you off at work yesterday.
04:57Time travel.
04:58Joke.
04:59It's not... never mind.
05:01For what it's worth,
05:02I thought it was humorous.
05:08Let's just do this.
05:10Guys ready to push?
05:11In a minute.
05:12Howard stepped outside to throw up.
05:20I don't know what you were worried about.
05:22I think it really works in the room.
05:25Yeah.
05:26It is by far the coolest thing
05:27I have ever owned.
05:29The exact time machine
05:30that carried actor Rod Taylor
05:32from Victorian England
05:33into the post-apocalyptic future,
05:35where society had splintered
05:36into two factions,
05:37the subterranean Morlocks,
05:39who survived by feasting on the flesh
05:40of the gentle surface-dwelling Eloy.
05:45Talk about your chick magnets.
05:49Oh, yeah.
05:50The guy who lives next to me
05:52is always like,
05:52I have a jacuzzi on my balcony.
05:54I have a jacuzzi on my balcony.
05:56But wait until I tell him,
05:57I've got a time machine on my balcony.
06:01Stuff that in your speedos, jacuzzi Bob.
06:05Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns,
06:07but I think you'll agree
06:08that practicality dictates it remain here.
06:11You can't just keep it here.
06:12What if I meet a girl
06:13and say you want to come up
06:14and see my time machine?
06:15It's at my friend's house.
06:16How lame is that?
06:18He's got a point.
06:19All right.
06:20I think we're going to need
06:20some ground rules.
06:21In addition to the expected
06:23no shoes in the time machine
06:24and no eating in the time machine,
06:25I propose that we add
06:26pants must be worn at all times
06:28in the time machine.
06:31Seconded.
06:32I was going to put down a towel.
06:38I still want it on my balcony.
06:40I say we move it
06:41on a bi-monthly basis.
06:42Yeah, that sounds fair.
06:43Now, hold on.
06:44Bi-monthly is an ambiguous term.
06:45Do you mean move it
06:46every other month
06:47or twice a month?
06:48Twice a month.
06:48Then no.
06:49Okay.
06:50Every other month?
06:50No.
06:53Sheldon, you can't be selfish.
06:54We all paid for it,
06:55so it belongs to all of us.
06:57Now get out of the way
06:57so I can sit in my time machine.
07:09Okay, I am setting the dials
07:11for March 10th, 1876.
07:14Good choice.
07:14Alexander Graham Bell
07:15invents the telephone
07:16and calls out for Dr. Watson.
07:18Wait a minute.
07:18I'd want to see that, too.
07:20So, when it's your turn, you can.
07:21If we all go back
07:22to the same point in time,
07:23Bell's lab's going to get
07:24very crowded.
07:25He'll know something's up.
07:27Also, since the time machine
07:28doesn't move in space,
07:29you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena.
07:32And even if you can make it to Boston,
07:33what are you going to do?
07:33Knock on the door
07:34and say to Mrs. Bell,
07:35hey, Mrs. Bell,
07:35big fan of your husband.
07:36Can I come in and watch him
07:37invent the telephone?
07:39Mrs. Bell was deaf.
07:40She's not even going to hear you knock.
07:43Oh, I have a solution.
07:45First, go into the future
07:46and obtain a cloaking device.
07:48Ooh, how far into the future?
07:49If I remember correctly,
07:50Captain Kirk will steal
07:51a cloaking device from the Romulans
07:53on stardate 5027.3,
07:55which would be January 10th,
07:562328 by Pre-Federation Reckoning.
08:00Okay, I am setting the dials
08:02for January 10th, 2328.
08:05Here we go into the future.
08:29That was fun.
08:31My turn.
08:34Okay, first of all,
08:35what you call a gap
08:37was nearly three feet wide.
08:38I slipped and skinned my knee.
08:39Are you okay?
08:41Second of all,
08:42the door to the stairwell
08:43of the other building was locked,
08:44so I had to go down the fire escape,
08:46which ends on the third floor,
08:47forcing me to crawl through the window
08:48of a lovely Armenian family
08:50who insisted I stay for lunch.
08:53That doesn't sound too bad.
08:55It was eight courses of lamb,
08:56and they tried to fix me up
08:57with their son.
09:00Sorry.
09:01Not done.
09:02By the time I finally got to work,
09:03they'd given my shift away.
09:04Yeah, that's right.
09:06I've lost an entire day's pay
09:07thanks to this,
09:08this...
09:09time machine.
09:13The lights flashed in the dish bins.
09:15You want to try it?
09:15No!
09:17I don't want to try it!
09:19My God,
09:19you are grown men!
09:21How could you waste your lives
09:22with these stupid toys
09:24and costumes
09:24and comic books
09:26and...
09:26and now that!
09:27That!
09:28Again,
09:28time machine.
09:31Oh, please.
09:32It's not a time machine.
09:33If anything,
09:34it looks like something
09:35Elton John would drive
09:36through the Everglades.
09:42It only moves in time.
09:45It would be worse
09:46than useless in a swamp.
09:53Pathetic.
09:54All of you,
09:55completely pathetic.
10:02Mic done.
10:20Leonard,
10:20it's two in the morning.
10:23So?
10:24So it's my turn!
10:28Why'd you set it
10:29for the day before yesterday?
10:31Because I want to go back
10:32and keep myself
10:33from getting a time machine.
10:35You can't.
10:36If you were to prevent yourself
10:37from buying it in the past,
10:38you would not have it available
10:39in the present
10:40to travel back
10:40and stop yourself
10:41from buying it.
10:42Ergo,
10:42you would still have it.
10:43This is a classic
10:44rookie time travel mistake.
10:49Can I go back
10:50and prevent you
10:50from explaining that to me?
10:53Same paradox.
10:54If you were to travel back
10:55in time and say,
10:56knock me unconscious,
10:57you would not then
10:57have the conversation
10:58that irritated you,
10:59motivating you to go back
11:00and knock me unconscious.
11:03What if I knocked you
11:04unconscious right now?
11:07It won't change the past.
11:10But it'd make the present
11:11so much nicer.
11:14Are you upset
11:15about something?
11:16What was your first clue?
11:19Well, it was a number
11:20of things.
11:21First, the late hour.
11:23Then your demeanor
11:23seems very low energy,
11:25plus your irritability.
11:25Yes, I'm upset.
11:26Oh.
11:27Well, I don't usually
11:28pick up on those things.
11:30Good for me.
11:35Yeah, good for you.
11:37Oh, wait.
11:40Did you want to talk
11:41about what's bothering you?
11:43I don't know.
11:44Maybe.
11:45Wow, I'm on fire tonight.
11:52Here's the thing.
11:53Girls like Penny
11:55never end up with guys
11:56who own time machines.
11:58I disagree.
11:59But your inability
12:00to successfully woo Penny
12:02long predates your acquisition
12:03of the time machine.
12:07That failure clearly
12:08stands on its own.
12:11Thanks for pointing it out.
12:12In addition,
12:13your premise is flawed.
12:14In the original film,
12:15Rod Taylor got Yvette Mameou
12:17with that very time machine.
12:19In Back to the Future,
12:20Marty McFly got the opportunity
12:21to hook up with his
12:22extremely attractive
12:23young mother.
12:27Those are movies.
12:28Of course they're movies.
12:30Are you expecting me
12:30to come up with an example
12:31involving a real-life
12:33time machine?
12:36It's absurd.
12:39Come on, guys, push.
12:41If I push any harder,
12:42I'm going to give birth
12:43to my colon.
12:46Oh, hey, guys.
12:47Uh, hi, Penny.
12:52Take a break, guys.
12:54What are you doing?
12:55Oh, you know,
12:56just moving a time machine.
13:00Yeah, okay, neat.
13:01But I really got to get to work, so...
13:02No problem.
13:10Hang on.
13:12But what about
13:14your time machine?
13:15Some things are more
13:15important than toys.
13:26I'm scared.
13:27Don't worry, baby.
13:29I've got you.
13:30Oh, Leonard.
13:39Oh, Leonard.
13:51It's still my turn.
13:59What are you doing?
14:01I'm packing up
14:02all my collectibles
14:03and taking them down
14:04to the comic book store
14:05to sell.
14:06Was that really necessary?
14:08If you need money,
14:09you can always sell blood.
14:12And semen.
14:15It's not about money.
14:17We brought food.
14:18Lox and bagels,
14:19the breakfast of time travelers.
14:22Terrific.
14:22Does anyone want to buy
14:23my share of the time machine?
14:24Why?
14:25Because I don't want it anymore.
14:27Why?
14:27Just personal reasons.
14:29My spidey sense tells me
14:31this has something
14:31to do with Penny.
14:33Look,
14:34do you want to buy me out
14:35or not?
14:35I'll give you $100,
14:36which will make me
14:37half on her
14:38and we'll put it
14:38on my balcony.
14:39Screw his balcony.
14:40I'll give you $120
14:41and we'll put it
14:41in my garage.
14:42I paid $200
14:43for my share.
14:44Dude,
14:45everybody knows
14:45the time machine
14:46loses half its value
14:47the minute you drive
14:47it off the lot.
14:49I'll go for $200.
14:50That time machine
14:51stays right where it is.
14:52$300.
14:53And I'll throw in
14:53my original
14:541979 Mattel
14:55Millennium Falcon
14:56with real light speed
14:57sound effects.
14:58No.
14:59No more toys
15:00or action figures
15:01or props
15:02or replicas
15:03or costumes
15:04or robots
15:05or Darth Vader
15:06voice changers.
15:07I'm getting rid
15:07of all of it.
15:08You can't do that.
15:09Look what you've
15:10created here.
15:11It's like nerdvana.
15:16More importantly,
15:17you've adopted
15:18a voice changer?
15:20Not for long.
15:22Oh,
15:22I call dibs
15:23in a golden age flash.
15:24Hang on,
15:24I need that
15:25to complete
15:25my Justice Society
15:26of America collection.
15:27Too bad,
15:27I call dibs.
15:28You can't just call dibs.
15:28I can,
15:29I did look up
15:29dibs on Wikipedia.
15:32Dibs doesn't apply
15:33in a bidding war.
15:34It's not a bidding war.
15:36I'm selling it
15:36all to Larry
15:37down at the comic book store.
15:38Why Larry?
15:39Did Larry call dibs?
15:39Well,
15:40you forget dibs.
15:41The offer
15:42would be a fair price
15:42for the whole collection.
15:44What's the number?
15:44I'll match it.
15:45I'll match it
15:46plus a thousand rupees.
15:48What's the exchange rate?
15:49None of your business.
15:50Take it or leave it.
15:52Mom,
15:52I have our mitzvah bonds.
15:53How much do I got?
15:55Thanks.
15:55I can go $2,600
15:56and two trees in Israel.
16:00Forget it, guys.
16:01If I sell to one of you,
16:03the other two
16:03are going to be
16:03really mad at me.
16:04Who cares
16:05as long as you pick me?
16:08Okay, Leonard,
16:08put down the box.
16:09Let's talk.
16:10Sorry, Raj.
16:11My mind is made up.
16:12No.
16:13I can't let you do this.
16:16Sheldon,
16:16get out of my way.
16:21None shall pass.
16:27Okay.
16:28I did not want to do this,
16:30but I have here
16:31the rare mint condition
16:32production error
16:33Star Trek The Next Generation
16:35Geordi LaForge
16:36without his visor
16:37in the original packaging.
16:39If you do not get out of my way,
16:41I will open it.
16:44Okay, man.
16:45Be cool.
16:47We're all friends here.
16:49What the hell's going on?
16:51You hypocrite.
16:53What?
16:54Little Miss Grownups
16:56Don't Play With Toys.
16:57If I went into that apartment
16:58right now,
16:59would I not find Beanie Babies?
17:01Are you not an accumulator
17:02of Care Bears
17:03and My Little Ponies?
17:04And who is that Japanese feline
17:05I see frolicking on your shorts?
17:07Hello, hello, kitty.
17:12Okay.
17:13Okay, look.
17:14If this is about yesterday,
17:15Leonard,
17:16I am really sorry
17:17about what I said.
17:18I was just upset.
17:19No, I needed to hear it.
17:20No, you didn't.
17:20Look, you are a great guy
17:22and it is the things you love
17:23that make you who you are.
17:25I guess that makes me
17:26large breasts.
17:32Still, I think it's time
17:33for me to get rid of this stuff
17:35and, you know,
17:36move on with my life.
17:38Really?
17:39Yeah.
17:41Oh, wow.
17:42Good for you.
17:44Thanks.
17:48Hey, do you want to...
17:49I don't know, later...
17:50Excuse me.
17:52Hey, Penny.
17:53Hi, Mike.
17:54You ready to go?
17:54Yeah, I just have to change.
17:55I'll give you a hand.
17:56Oh, stop it!
17:58Bye, guys.
18:05My turn on the time machine.
18:29It worked.
18:32It really worked.
18:35They said I was mad,
18:37but it worked.
18:44Oh, no!
18:47Not forelocks!
18:48Not fleshy-naked forelocks!
18:51Help!
18:54Help!
18:57Help!
18:58Help!
19:01Sheldon?
19:02Are you okay?
19:04We have to get rid
19:05of the time machine.
19:06This is a little big
19:07for the living room,
19:08isn't it?
19:10Yeah, that's the problem.
19:11It's too big.
19:13I'm glad you agree.
19:14I hired some guys
19:15to help us move it.
19:16Come on in, fellas!
19:20Oh, no!
19:21More locks!
19:23Eat him!
19:23Eat him!
19:25Eat him!
19:26He-haw!
19:29Let it!
19:32Let it!
19:39Let it!
19:41Let it!
Comments