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00:01No, see, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet,
00:05and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists
00:08due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.
00:11Okay, then riddle me this.
00:14Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators
00:17created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor,
00:21why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence,
00:24bother to create a petite, hot 17-year-old killer robot?
00:30Skynet is kinky?
00:31I don't know.
00:33Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.
00:37Oh, wait, they use it to lay on...
00:39Too late, I win.
00:41Let's go out tonight.
00:49I have to go out tonight.
00:55What the hell is that?
00:58I don't know.
01:00But if cats could sing,
01:01they'd hate it too.
01:08You want to proud be my night owl?
01:12We'll take a...
01:13Hey, guys!
01:14Hi!
01:15Where are you going?
01:16What?
01:17We just had to mail some letters
01:21and throw away some chicken.
01:41You'll never guess what just happened.
01:43I give up.
01:44I don't guess.
01:45As a scientist, I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation.
01:49Although, as I'm saying this, it occurs to me,
01:51you may have been employing a rhetorical device, rendering my response moot.
01:56What was that?
01:57Believe it or not, personal growth.
01:59What happened?
02:00All right, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent,
02:03but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?
02:05I have a conclusion based on an observation.
02:07No, you don't.
02:08No, he doesn't.
02:10Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi,
02:12she dropped out and they asked me to replace her.
02:14Oh, congratulations.
02:15What a lucky break.
02:16It's not a big deal.
02:17Just a one-night showcase,
02:18but they invite a lot of casting people and agents,
02:20so you never know.
02:21I think I know.
02:21No, you don't.
02:24He doesn't.
02:25It's this Friday at 8.
02:26Do you guys want to come?
02:27No.
02:31Because, uh, Friday,
02:33we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.
02:37I think that's a week from Tuesday at 6.
02:38No, it's this Friday.
02:40At 8.
02:42Oh, too bad.
02:43Well, I gotta get to rehearsal.
02:45See you guys.
02:45See ya.
02:46Let's go out tonight.
02:51You just lied to Penny.
02:53Yes, I did.
02:54And you did it so casually.
02:55No rapid breathing,
02:57no increase in perspiration.
02:58So?
02:59So lack of a physiological response while lying
03:02is characteristic of a violent sociopath.
03:05Sheldon, are you worried about your safety?
03:07No.
03:08I imagine if you were going to kill me,
03:09you'd have done it a long time ago.
03:12That's very true.
03:33Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state
03:37that nearly 14 million years ago
03:39expansion started way around.
03:41The earth began to cool,
03:42the autotrophs began to drool,
03:43meanderthals developed tools,
03:45we built a wall,
03:46we built a pyramid,
03:46it's math, science, history,
03:48unraveling the mystery
03:49that all started with a big bang.
03:52Bang!
04:00Leonard?
04:01Leonard?
04:02Leonard?
04:03What?
04:06I need to speak to you.
04:08It's 2 o'clock in the morning.
04:10It's important.
04:11I highly doubt that.
04:14No way.
04:19Are you still out there?
04:22Yes.
04:26What?
04:28You're right, it can wait until more time.
04:33What, what, what, what?
04:34Never mind.
04:35I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle.
04:38You're in no state of mind to talk.
04:40Sheldon, what is it?
04:43I'm uncomfortable having been included
04:45in your lie to Penny.
04:46What was I supposed to say?
04:48You could have told her the truth.
04:50That would have hurt her feelings.
04:52Is that a relevant factor?
04:55Yes.
04:56Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.
04:58And what would I have said afterwards?
05:01I would suggest something to the effect of,
05:03singing is neither an appropriate vocation
05:05nor avocation for you.
05:07And if you disagree,
05:08I'd recommend you have a CAT scan
05:09to look for a tumor
05:10pressing on the cognitive processing centers
05:12of your brain.
05:15I couldn't say that.
05:16I would have to say,
05:17you were terrific
05:18and I can't wait to hear you sing again.
05:21Why?
05:23It's the social protocol.
05:25It's what you do when you have a friend
05:27who's proud of something they really suck at.
05:30I was not aware of that.
05:32Well, now you are.
05:34Oh, all right.
05:35Leonard?
05:36Yes?
05:37When we played chess earlier,
05:38you were terrific
05:39and I can't wait to play you again.
05:41Good night.
05:46Leonard.
05:47Leonard.
05:48Leonard.
05:50Leonard.
05:51Leonard.
05:51It would be so much easier
05:52if I were a violent sociopath.
05:55Leonard.
05:55Leonard.
05:58What?
05:59I was analyzing our lie
06:01and I believe we're in danger
06:02of Penny seeing through the ruse.
06:04How?
06:05Simple.
06:06If she were to log on
06:07to www.socalphysicsgroup.org
06:10forward slash activities
06:11forward slash other
06:12click on upcoming events,
06:13scroll down to seminars,
06:14download the PDF schedule
06:15and look for the seminar
06:16on molecular positronium,
06:18well then,
06:18bippity boppity boo,
06:19our pants are metaphorically on fire.
06:26Well, sir,
06:27my trousers will not be igniting
06:29today.
06:32Penny?
06:34Penny?
06:35Penny?
06:37Good morning.
06:39Do you have any idea
06:40what time it is?
06:41Of course I do.
06:42My watch is linked
06:43to the atomic clock
06:43in Boulder, Colorado.
06:45It's accurate
06:46to one-tenth of a second.
06:48But as I'm saying this,
06:49it occurs to me
06:50that once again
06:51your question
06:51may have been rhetorical.
06:53What do you want?
06:55Remember how Leonard
06:56told you we couldn't
06:57come to your performance
06:57because we were attending
06:58a symposium
06:59on molecular positronium?
07:02I remember symposium.
07:06Yes, well, he lied.
07:09Wait, what?
07:11He lied,
07:11and I'm feeling
07:12very uncomfortable
07:13about it.
07:14Well, imagine
07:15how I'm feeling.
07:18Hungry?
07:20Tired?
07:22I'm sorry,
07:23this really isn't
07:24my strong suit.
07:26You told her I lied?
07:28Why would you
07:28tell her I lied?
07:30To help you.
07:33I'm sorry,
07:33I'm not seeing the help.
07:34She was going to see
07:35through your lie
07:36eventually,
07:37so I told her
07:38that you were lying
07:39to protect me.
07:40Oh, I'm getting
07:41a bad feeling.
07:44Hunger?
07:47Indigestion?
07:47I'm sorry,
07:48I'm really not
07:48very good at this.
07:50Anyway,
07:51Penny now believes
07:52that on Friday night
07:53we're going to participate
07:54in my cousin
07:55Leopold's
07:55drug intervention.
07:58Your cousin Leopold?
08:00Who most people
08:01call Leo,
08:01but he also answers
08:02to Lee.
08:03Remember that,
08:03it's important.
08:04What's important?
08:06Details, Leonard.
08:07The success or failure
08:08of our deceitful enterprise
08:09turns on details.
08:11Do you have
08:11a cousin Leopold?
08:12No, I made him up.
08:15I think you'd
08:16call him Lee.
08:19I don't get it.
08:19I already told her
08:20a lie.
08:21Why replace it
08:22with a different lie?
08:23Well, first of all,
08:24your lie was
08:25laughably transparent
08:26where mine is
08:26exquisitely convoluted.
08:29While you were sleeping,
08:31I was weaving
08:31an un-unravelable web.
08:34Un-unravelable?
08:36Yes.
08:36If she Googles
08:37Leopold Houston,
08:38she'll find a Facebook page,
08:40an online blog
08:41depicting his descent
08:41into drug use,
08:42and a desperate yet hopeful
08:44listing on eHarmony.com.
08:47Okay, why would I
08:49go to a drug intervention
08:50for your cousin?
08:51Ah, because it's
08:52in Long Beach,
08:52and I don't drive.
08:56We're going to Long Beach?
08:57No, of course not.
08:58There's no cousin Leo.
08:59There's no intervention.
09:00Focus, Leonard.
09:01Oh, come on.
09:03We just leave the house
09:05on Friday night,
09:05and we return
09:06in the wee hours
09:07emotionally wrung out
09:08from the work
09:08of convincing Leo
09:09to go back into rehab.
09:11He goes back into rehab?
09:12Yes, but he can relapse
09:14if Penny ever invites us
09:16to hear her sing again.
09:19You still told her I lied.
09:21For a noble purpose,
09:22to spare me
09:23the social embarrassment
09:24of having a drug-addled
09:26first cousin,
09:26which I'm assuming
09:27is embarrassing, yes?
09:31How am I supposed
09:31to remember all of this?
09:33That's the best part.
09:34You don't have to.
09:35See, I told Penny
09:36that you would be embarrassed
09:37if you knew
09:37that she found out
09:38that you had lied,
09:39so she's agreed to operate
09:40as if the original lie
09:41is still in force.
09:46So, she's expecting me
09:47to lie about going
09:48to a symposium
09:49in Pasadena
09:50when in actuality
09:51we're pretending
09:52to go to a drug intervention
09:54in Long Beach.
09:57Ununravelable.
10:01Well, hey, Penny.
10:02Wow, look at you
10:03all ready for your showcase.
10:04You look great.
10:05Thanks.
10:06I just wanted to come by
10:07and wish you guys luck
10:08with your symposium.
10:11Oh.
10:12Well, thank you.
10:14You know, I gotta tell you,
10:15a lot of friends
10:16would let their friend
10:17go alone,
10:17but that's not who you are.
10:19You are the kind of guy
10:20who stands by a friend
10:21when he has a symposium
10:24to go to.
10:28I don't know what to say.
10:31It's okay, Leonard.
10:33Oh, okay.
10:33All right, good.
10:36Oh, boy, group hug.
10:37Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
10:38Okay.
10:40So what's up?
10:42Well, Penny is on her way
10:43to perform in a one-night
10:44showcase production of Rent,
10:46which we are unable to attend
10:48because we're going
10:48to a symposium
10:49on molecular positronium
10:51given by Dr. Emile Farman-Farmian.
10:53Wait a minute.
10:54Farman-Farmian is speaking
10:55and you're bogarting
10:56the symposium?
10:58Howard, I'm sorry.
10:59No, no, you're
11:00quark-blocking us.
11:04I don't know what to say.
11:07Wow.
11:08Howard, listen.
11:09It's okay.
11:09It's your Millennium Falcon.
11:10You and Chewbacca
11:11do whatever you want to do.
11:14Me and Princess Leia here
11:16will find some other way
11:16to spend the evening.
11:18Howard, wait.
11:20Sheldon,
11:21I think we should tell them.
11:24Okay, sure.
11:26I don't see a problem with that.
11:29There's no symposium.
11:30Leonard lied to me.
11:32Isn't that right, Leonard?
11:33Well,
11:35I don't know what to say.
11:38It's okay, I do.
11:39Look, Leonard is helping
11:40Sheldon through a family crisis.
11:42He made up the whole story
11:43about the symposium
11:44with Dr. Farman-Farmian.
11:47Good for you.
11:47Ha!
11:49Because he didn't want
11:50Sheldon to be embarrassed
11:51and there is nothing
11:52to be embarrassed about, okay?
11:53Every family in America
11:54has a relative
11:55holed up in a garage
11:56somewhere huffing paint thinner.
11:59No, I'm lost too.
12:00I think she skipped a step.
12:03No, look.
12:04Sheldon's cousin Leo
12:05escaped rehab
12:06and he's in a Motel 8
12:07in Long Beach.
12:08The whole family's going out
12:09for an intervention.
12:10Leonard is driving Sheldon
12:11down there to help him
12:12through this
12:12because he's such a good man.
12:15Another hug?
12:18All right, you guys.
12:19Good luck.
12:20Thanks, Penny.
12:21Break a leg.
12:22Break a leg.
12:24So, road trip to Long Beach.
12:26We're not going to Long Beach.
12:27Why not?
12:28Because Sheldon doesn't have
12:29a drug-addicted cousin
12:30Leopold.
12:32Oh, too bad.
12:34I've always wanted
12:35to go to Long Beach.
12:36It's a very nice community.
12:38The Queen Mary
12:39is docked there.
12:39Once the largest
12:40ocean liner in the world,
12:41it's now a hotel
12:42and restaurant
12:43where they host
12:43a surprisingly gripping
12:44murder mystery dinner.
12:47Sounds fun.
12:48I'm game.
12:48Shotgun.
12:49No, no, no.
12:51Leonard gets nauseous
12:52unless he sits in front
12:53and even then it's iffy.
12:56Wait, are we really
12:57going to Long Beach?
13:06Leonard.
13:07Leonard.
13:09Leonard.
13:09Let it go, Sheldon.
13:11The murderer was a first mate
13:12whether it makes sense
13:13to you or not.
13:16No, that's the least
13:17of our worries.
13:18I've been doing
13:19some research on addiction,
13:20both the biochemical
13:21and behavioral aspects,
13:22and I think there's a problem
13:23with the current version
13:24of our life.
13:25What are you talking about?
13:27It's fine.
13:27She bought it.
13:28It's over.
13:33Sadly, it's not.
13:35Substance abuse
13:36is a lifelong struggle
13:37but beyond that,
13:38I have realized
13:38that the Leo I described
13:40would not have agreed
13:40to go to rehab.
13:41Why not?
13:43Because Leo's
13:44a middle child.
13:46There's no Leo.
13:47How can you say that?
13:49No.
13:51No.
13:52You didn't read
13:53the bio, did you?
13:55He's not just
13:56a middle child.
13:57He is the quintessential
13:58middle child
13:58from a broken home
13:59to boot.
14:00Psychologically speaking,
14:01the attention he gets
14:02by rebelling,
14:03even to the point
14:04of self-destruction,
14:04is more emotionally valuable
14:06than the help
14:06he would get at rehab.
14:08I've got a solution.
14:09Great.
14:09What is it?
14:10Get out!
14:13Fine.
14:20I've hesitated
14:21to point this out,
14:22but I must now remind you
14:23that we are in our
14:24current predicament
14:25because of your initial
14:26and totally inadequate deceit.
14:27I'm just trying to clean up
14:28after your mess.
14:34We'll talk in the morning.
14:48Good morning.
14:50Who are you?
14:52I am Sheldon's cousin, Leo.
14:54Oh, God!
14:59Sheldon does not have
15:01a cousin, Leo.
15:02Au contraire.
15:04I'm 26 years old.
15:05I'm originally from
15:07Denton, Texas.
15:09But I was a Navy brat,
15:11so I was brought up
15:11on a variety of military bases
15:13around the world.
15:14As a result,
15:15I've often felt like an outsider,
15:16never really fitting in,
15:17which is probably the reason
15:19for my substance abuse problem.
15:20Excuse me.
15:21We just went over this.
15:23As the quintessential middle child,
15:25your addiction is rooted
15:26in your unmet need
15:27for attention.
15:28Oh, Sheldon,
15:29are we really going to go
15:30with pop psychology?
15:31For your information,
15:32this is all based
15:32on solid research.
15:34Just stick with the character
15:35profile I wrote for you.
15:37Sheldon?
15:37I'm sorry.
15:38Leonard, this is Toby Lubenfeld.
15:40He's a research assistant
15:41in the particle physics lab.
15:43But he also minored
15:44in theater at MIT.
15:46He's more of a double major,
15:48actually.
15:49Theater and physics.
15:50You can guess which one
15:51my bourgeois parents
15:52pushed me towards.
15:53Yeah, I got it.
15:55Sheldon, why?
15:56You see, while Leo
15:58would not have gone into rehab,
15:59it is completely plausible
16:01that we would have talked him
16:02into leaving the motel
16:03and coming home with us.
16:05Oh.
16:06Sheldon, how about
16:07this is my motivation.
16:08When I was 14 years old,
16:09I was abused in the Philippines
16:10by a club-footed Navy chaplain.
16:15No.
16:15We're going with middle child
16:17and a genetic predisposition
16:18to inadequate serotonin production.
16:21Swell.
16:22Well, how do I play
16:22genetic predisposition?
16:25Subtextually, of course.
16:30Just have fun with it.
16:37Morning, Penny.
16:38Hi.
16:38How did the intervention go?
16:40Unfortunately, we weren't able
16:41to convince him to go to rehab.
16:43Well, based on what you told me,
16:44I am not surprised.
16:48But we did convince him
16:50to leave the motel.
16:51Come say hello.
16:54Leo, this is Penny,
16:57our friend and neighbor.
16:59Hi, Leo.
17:00How are you feeling?
17:06Let me ask you something, Penny.
17:09Have you ever woken up
17:10in a fleabag motel
17:12covered in your own vomit
17:13next to a transsexual prostitute?
17:19No.
17:20Then don't ask me
17:21how I'm feeling.
17:26Well, that's Leo.
17:27Hey, um...
17:29Why don't you tell me
17:30about your showcase last night?
17:32Oh, it was okay, I guess.
17:33It wasn't a big turnout,
17:34but they both really seemed to like it.
17:36There were only two people there?
17:38By the end, yeah.
17:41Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan!
17:45I'm sorry?
17:47The Philippines.
17:511992.
17:53The Subic Bay Naval Station,
17:55a young boy
17:56on the cusp of manhood.
17:59His only companions,
18:00mongrel dogs
18:01and malarial mosquitoes.
18:04Desperate and alone,
18:05he reached out to a man
18:07who promised to introduce him
18:09to a merciful, loving God,
18:11but who instead
18:13introduced him
18:14to a gin-pickled tongue
18:16shoved down
18:17his adolescent throat.
18:21What choice did he have
18:22but to drink,
18:23shoot,
18:24and snort
18:25his pain away?
18:28Don't forget
18:29his genetic predisposition
18:30towards addiction.
18:31That's never been proven.
18:32There have been studies.
18:33Not double-blind studies.
18:34How could there be
18:35a double-blind study?
18:36Who would be the control group?
18:37As you can see,
18:38detoxing can get pretty ugly.
18:40Let's give them some privacy.
18:41Yeah.
18:42Hey, do you want to come over
18:43to my place?
18:43Have coffee?
18:44Oh, sounds good.
18:45I have a video
18:46of me singing last night.
18:47Do you want to see it?
18:49Gee, why would not?
18:51This is even better
18:52than you coming
18:53to the showcase
18:53because now I get
18:54to watch you watch me.
18:56Yeah.
18:58Funny how things work out.
19:01But he loved
19:02the companionship
19:03and the wisdom
19:03that his own father
19:04failed to provide.
19:07Your parents
19:08made the right decision.
19:14I cannot work like this.
19:25This is amazing.
19:27Just sitting on a couch
19:29watching TV with a woman.
19:31not being drunk
19:32or high
19:34or wondering
19:35if you're a dude
19:35down there.
19:38Leo,
19:39you are a very sweet,
19:41really funny guy.
19:42You're going to do okay.
19:45One day at a time, Penny.
19:50One day at a time.
19:57How long is he going
19:59to stay here?
20:00He's a homeless
20:01drug addict, Leonard.
20:02Where is he going to go?
20:04Oh, you have a lot
20:05to learn about lying.
20:18You have a lot to learn
20:32going to be out with.
20:33He's a little bit.
20:33I'm sorry.
20:34I'm sure.
20:35He's a monster Boom.
20:36And even though
20:36your family should beצro
20:36spot on or what is
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