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Watch The Big Bang Theory AMZN GalaxyTV Season 1 Episode 3 online in HD on Dailymotion.
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00:09all right just a few more feet and here we are gentlemen the gates of elzebub
00:16good lord don't panic this is what the last 97 hours have been about
00:21stay frosty there's a horde of armed goblins on the other side of that gate guarding the
00:26sword of azura warriors unsheath your weapons magic wielders raise your wands lock and load rush blow the
00:33gates blowing the gates control shift b oh my god so many goblins don't just stand there slash that move
00:47slash that move information leonard you got one on your tail that's not right my tail's prehensile
00:52i got him leonard tonight i spice my mead with goblin blood
01:02sheldon he's got raj use your sleep spell sheldon sheldon i've got the sword of azeroth
01:10get the sword sheldon help raj there is no more sheldon i am the sword master
01:16let her look out damn it that we're dying here goodbye peasants
01:21the bastard teleported
01:24he's selling the sword of azeroth on ebay
01:28you betrayed us for money who are you i'm a rogue knight elf don't you people read character
01:34descriptions wait wait wait somebody just click buy it now
01:38i am the sword master
01:42our whole universe was in a hot dance state that nearly 14 million years ago expansion started
01:49waiting the earth began to cool the autotropes began to drool meanderthals develop tools we built
01:55the wall we built the pyramids math science history unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang
02:06oh i'm all sweaty anybody want to log on to second life and go swimming i just built a virtual
02:10pool
02:12oh i can't look at you or your avatar right now
02:20sounds like your neighbor's home
02:23excuse me
02:25don't forget the mail you took accidentally on purpose so you'd have an excuse to talk to her
02:28oh right right right right stealing snail mail very old school i like it
02:35penny the mailman did it again he oh sorry
02:39um no hi leonard this is doug doug this is my neighbor leonard
02:43what's up bro
02:46not much
02:49bro
02:51is everything okay
02:53yeah uh no i just i got your mail again here
02:55thank you god i got to talk to that mailman
02:58oh no that's probably not such a good idea
03:01civil servants have a documented propensity to you know
03:04snap
03:07okay well thank you again
03:09no problem bye
03:12oh and bye
03:13bro
03:22penny for your thoughts
03:25what's the matter
03:27i'm fine
03:29penny's fine the guy she's kissing is really fine
03:32kissing what kind of kissing cheeks lips chase french
03:37what is wrong with you
03:40i'm a romantic
03:44please don't tell me that your hopeless infatuation is devolving into pointless jealousy
03:48i'm not jealous i'm just a little concerned for her i didn't like the look of the guy that
03:53she was with because he looks better than you
03:57yeah
03:59he was kind of dreamy
04:01well at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was
04:06once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again
04:12i disagree love is not a sprint it's a marathon a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into
04:20your arms
04:22or hits you with the pepper spray
04:26i'm done with penny i'm gonna be more realistic and go after someone my own speed
04:30like who
04:31i don't know
04:33olivia geiger
04:34the dietician at the cafeteria with the limp and the lazy eye
04:39yeah
04:40well i don't think you have a shot there
04:43i have noticed that leslie winkle recently started shaving her legs
04:47now given that winter is coming one can only assume she's signaling sexual availability
04:52i don't know you guys work in the same lab
04:54so there are pitfalls trust me i know when it comes to sexual harassment law i'm
05:02a bit of a self-taught expert
05:06look howard if i were to ask leslie winkle out it would just be for dinner i'm not gonna
05:10walk into the lab ask her to strip naked and dance for me oh then you're probably okay
05:19hello leslie hi leonard leslie i would like to propose an experiment
05:23goggles leonard right
05:27leslie i would like to propose an experiment hang on
05:30i'm trying to see how long it takes a 500 kilowatt oxygen iodine laser to heat up my cup of
05:35noodles
05:37i've done it about two seconds 2.6 for minestrone
05:47anyway i was thinking more of a bio-social exploration with a neurochemical overlay
05:53wait are you asking me out
05:57i was going to characterize it as the modification of our colleague-slash-friendship paradigm with the
06:02addition of a date-like component but we don't need to quibble over terminology
06:08what sort of experiment would you propose there is a generally accepted pattern in this area i would
06:13pick you up take you to a restaurant then we would see a movie probably a romantic comedy featuring
06:18the talents of hugh grant or sandra bullock interesting and would you agree that the
06:24primary way we would evaluate either the success or failure of the date would be based on the
06:28biochemical reaction during the good night kiss heart rate pheromones etc yes
06:33well why don't we just stipulate that the date goes well and move to the key variable
06:37you mean kiss you now yes can you define the parameters of the kiss closed mouth but romantic mint thank
06:43you
06:51shall i count down from three no i think it needs to be spontaneous
07:02what do you think you propose the experiment i think you should present your findings first
07:06fair enough on the plus side it was a good kiss reasonable technique no extraneous spittle
07:15on the other hand no arousal none none ah well thank you for your time thank you
07:38sheldon if you were a robot and i knew and you didn't
07:45would you want me to tell you
07:49that depends when i learn that i'm a robot will i be able to handle it
07:58maybe although the history of science fiction is not on your side
08:02okay uh let me ask you this when i learn that i'm a robot would i be bound by asimov's
08:08three laws of
08:09robotics you might be bound by them right now
08:18that's true have you ever harmed a human being or through inaction allowed a human being to come
08:22to harm of course not have you ever harmed yourself or allowed yourself to be harmed except in cases
08:26where a human being would have been endangered well no i smell robot
08:35hey what's going on internet's been down for half an hour
08:41also sheldon may be a robot
08:45so how'd it go with leslie oh we tried kissing but the earth didn't move
08:52i mean any more than the 383 miles that it was going to move anyway
08:58oh i've seen that look before this is just going to be two weeks of moping and tedious emo songs
09:04and calling me to come down to pet stores to look at cats
09:09i don't know if i can take it you could power down
09:16well as usual walowitz has the solution
09:20i happen to know a place where there are plenty of eligible women
09:24and leonard could have his pick
09:35remember the latin hips shoulders stay still and we sway
09:46one two three five six seven
09:52i think mrs tishman's got her eye on you i've been there you're in for a treat
10:01she said you don't know me you don't even care
10:10oh yeah oh good lord she said you don't know me you don't wear my chains
10:23oh yeah god that's a good song if you're compiling a mix cd for a double suicide
10:31oh i hope that scratching post is for you
10:35i know what you're thinking i've taken your asthma into account
10:38there's a feline geneticist in san diego who's developed the cutest little hypoallergenic calicos
10:43leonard listen to me i've been thinking about names i'm kind of torn between einstein newton and sergeant fuzzy boots
10:50leonard do you really think you can satisfy your need for a relationship with a genetically altered cat
10:56maybe if it's a cute little cuddly cat
11:00come on leonard
11:04this is obviously about penny
11:08it doesn't matter the woman's not interested in me the woman rejected me
11:13okay look i think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with penny as
11:20the
11:20hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight
11:24searching for a circuit breaker
11:29nevertheless
11:31i do feel obligated to point out to you
11:34that she did not reject you you did not ask her out
11:40you're right i didn't ask her out i should ask her out no no no that was not my point
11:46my point was don't buy a cat no but you're right i should march over there and ask her out
11:54oh goody we're getting a cat
12:04oh hey leonard good afternoon penny so hi hey uh
12:10i was wondering if you had plans for dinner uh you mean dinner tonight there is an inherent
12:16ambiguity in the word dinner technically it refers to the largest meal of the day whenever
12:21it's consumed so to clarify here by dinner i mean supper supper or dinner
12:27i was thinking 6 30 if you can go or a different time oh 6 30 is great
12:31really really great yeah i like hanging out with you guys us guys you know sheldon howard raj who
12:40all's coming they might all be there or a subset of them might be there algebraically speaking there
12:52are too many unknowns for example sheldon had quiznos for lunch sometimes he finds that filling other
12:57times he doesn't it's no fault of quiznos they have a varied menu
13:03okay whatever it sounds like fun great did we say a time 6 30 and that's still good for you
13:10it's
13:10fine because it's not carved in stone no 6 30 is great i'll get my chisel
13:16why
13:20to carve the okay i'll see you 6 30.
13:34how do i look
13:41could you be more specific
13:44can you tell i'm perspiring a little
13:48no the dark crescent shape patterns under your arms conceal it nicely
13:54what time is your date 6 30. perfect that gives you two hours and 15 minutes for that dense molecular
14:00cloud of aramis to dissipate is it too much not if you're a rugby team
14:08by the way if it should ever come up you didn't join us because you stuffed yourself with a chicken
14:12carbonara subac quiznos why would i join you no reason
14:20oh you know what maybe this isn't such a good idea oh no no well now there's always the possibility
14:25that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening
14:31you're right alcohol poor judgment it could go well
14:35of course there's the other possibility that this date kicks off rather unpleasant six months of the two of
14:39passing awkwardly in the hall until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code
14:45you could have stopped it it could go well
14:48if i could have i would have
14:51i'm a perfectly nice guy there's no reason we couldn't go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner
14:57maybe take a walk afterwards talk about things we have in common you love pottery i love pottery
15:04you know there's a pause we both know what's happening i lean in we kiss it's a little tentative
15:09at first but then i realize she's kissing me back she's biting my lower lip you know she wants me
15:14this thing is going the distance we're gonna have sex oh god oh my god
15:20is the sex starting now i'm having a panic attack oh okay uh well then calm down
15:28if i could calm down i wouldn't be having a panic attack that's why they got a panic attack
15:32all right all right uh would you just sit down yeah sit down uh now uh close your eyes
15:37why just do it okay now uh try to increase your alpha wave activity what it's a biofeedback
15:44technique it's relaxation through brainwave manipulation i read a paper about it in journal
15:48of american neuroscience it was a little sparsely sourced but i think the basic science is valid
15:52i probably have it here somewhere who am i kidding i can't go through with this you need to call
15:58her
15:58and cancel me yes what should i tell her i don't know tell her i'm sick okay not the kind
16:04of illness
16:04that will make her want to come over and take care of me but but nothing so critical that she'll
16:08feel
16:08uncomfortable going out with me in the future if i want to try this again got it so i'm assuming
16:12nothing
16:12venereal i'll just tell her that you had a routine colonoscopy and haven't quite bounced back
16:23give me the phone i thought you wanted to cancel i can't because if i don't show up she'll still
16:27be
16:27expecting you why would she be expecting me stop asking me all these questions i need to take another
16:34shower so are the rest of guys meeting us here oh yeah no it turns out the raj and howard
16:45had to work and
16:46sheldon had a colonoscopy and he hasn't quite bounced back yet
16:52my uncle just had a colonoscopy you're kidding well then that's something we have in common
17:00how we both have people in our lives who want to nip intestinal polyps in the butt
17:13so what's new in the world of physics nothing
17:19really nothing well with the exception of string theory not much has happened since the 1930s and
17:26you can't prove string theory at best you can say hey look my idea has an internal logical consistency
17:35uh well i'm sure things will pick up
17:42what's new at the cheesecake factory oh uh not much well we do have a chocolate key lime
17:49that's moving pretty well good good and what about your uh a hallway friend
18:03doug oh yeah i don't know i mean you know he's nice and funny but i get you started with
18:08some
18:08drinks no you were saying but i'd like a drink oh just say the butt thing about doug and then
18:15i'll get
18:15her back okay well i don't know it's just me i'm still getting over this breakup with kurt and this
18:23thing with doug would just be rebound sex uh don't get me started on rebound sex
18:30it's just it's my pattern i break up and i find some cute guy and then it's just 36 meaningless
18:37hours of
18:38you know i'm not sure that i do is that one 36 hour experience or is that 36 hours spread
18:49out over say
18:50one glorious summer no it's usually over a weekend and trust me you do not feel good after it well
18:58chafing right emotionally of course yeah emotional chafing
19:12hey do you want to see something cool i can make this olive go into this glass without touching it
19:19how physics wow centrifugal force actually it's centripetal force which is an inward force
19:34generated by the glass acting on the olive excuse me now if you were riding on the olive you'd be
19:43in a
19:43non-inertial reference frame and would are you okay yeah i'm okay did you spill ketchup no i'm not okay
19:58are you sure you don't want to go to the emergency room no no i'm okay it stopped bleeding
20:03anyway you did throw up isn't that a sign of a concussion yes but i get carsick too so
20:10okay sorry about your car by the way oh no it's fine you got mustered out the window
20:17the poor guy on the bike
20:21i had a nice time yeah me too well um good night good night leonard yeah was this supposed to
20:34be a date
20:37this no no of course not this was just you and me hanging out with a bunch of guys who
20:45didn't show up
20:46because of work and a colonoscopy okay i was just checking when i take a girl on a date and
20:55i do
20:58she knows she's been dated capital d yeah bold face underlined like dated
21:08did i think i might have a little concussion i'm gonna go lay down so how was your date awesome
21:26score one for liquor and poor judgment
21:51you
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