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Watch All's Fair Season 1 Episode 8 (2025) full episode online in HD quality. Stream the latest episode of All's Fair on Dailymotion now.
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00:00C'est parti.
00:30C'est parti.
01:10C'est parti.
01:37C'est parti.
02:40C'est parti.
02:41C'est parti.
02:56C'est parti.
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05:40C'est parti.
05:41C'est parti.
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05:44C'est parti.
05:45C'est parti.
05:46C'est parti.
05:47C'est parti.
05:48C'est parti.
05:49Je me demande si vous considérez,
05:52PLEASE, PLEASE, nous changeons le nom de notre firm
05:55à Grant Rodson Green & Standish.
05:58Priti, PLEASE.
05:59Nous vous demandons, je ne vous demande pas de votre skill
06:02comme un litigateur, et notre business est en train de se développer
06:04que nous ne pouvons pas tout le monde.
06:06Ce que vous avez besoin est quelqu'un qui est hongry
06:10et ambitieux.
06:11Quelqu'un qui va battre comme un hiel pour faire un nom pour eux-mêmes.
06:14Pourquoi nous avons besoin de quelqu'un qui veut faire un nom pour faire un nom
06:17quand votre nom n'exploite de l'air, honey?
06:19Look, ma whole life has been about work and Doug, of course.
06:26Losing him has made me want to scale back, travel more,
06:32try to find what else makes me feel alive.
06:36I will always be there to fill in the gaps like I'm doing now,
06:40but I agree, I think you need to find another partner
06:44and two or three paralegals, at least.
06:49Would you like a refill?
06:50Yes, I would, thank you.
06:55I asked Milan to come back.
06:57I know you lied.
06:59You don't blame the rabbit for getting trapped by the fox.
07:01Besides, she's smart and she's pregnant,
07:04and if we're not about women supporting women,
07:06then we're not walking the walk.
07:09Wow.
07:10Turning the other cheek when you could have thrown a left hook?
07:13Respect.
07:15Okay, that's one paralegal,
07:17but unless Dean is planning on cloning herself,
07:20we're going to need to start headhunting.
07:23Have you thought about Carr?
07:26Yes, I've thought about headhunting Carr, actually.
07:30Quite literally, I would like to mount her head on the wall
07:33and find a nearby spike to impale her.
07:37That's a shame.
07:38I always hoped all my girls would find their way back to each other,
07:43especially after the way she handled your divorce.
07:46I mean, she could have gone for the jugular,
07:48but she held back out of what I assume was respect, affection.
07:55Carr, please, spare me.
07:59Okay, Libby, relax your spanks.
08:01What about Alberta?
08:03She's a killer lawyer.
08:04Alberta asked Carr to be her partner.
08:07Hmm.
08:08That was all a part of the play.
08:10Get close, get inside,
08:13and then go after what she really wanted.
08:15Us.
08:15Smart moves, smart lady.
08:18She's shrewd.
08:20She's sane.
08:21She's black.
08:23I'm not going to be mad at a little more melanin up and through here, okay?
08:27Okay, fine.
08:27Let's consider Alberta.
08:30But let me be clear.
08:31If Carr were to join this firm,
08:34you'd still be looking for a partner
08:35because I would be out the door
08:37before you could say fucking psychopath.
08:41Okay.
08:42Okay.
08:44Who's ready to relieve some stress?
08:46Well...
08:49Oh, okay, I guess that's me, Ken.
08:53Ouch.
08:54Maybe next time
08:55we can pretend
08:57struggle with the decision.
08:59Please?
09:00Never mind those
09:01bitches.
09:04It should cost a billion
09:06to look this good.
09:07Oh, yeah.
09:08But she make it look easy
09:10because she got it.
09:11Check my technique.
09:12You can find the one
09:13That's just saying
09:14that right there
09:15is all you.
09:16It's mentally already
09:17in my closet.
09:18Okay, that's right.
09:20That's my technique.
09:21That's my
09:22That's my
09:23That's my
09:24That's my technique.
09:25That bitch
09:26Misu
09:27Life in my cheek
09:28More
09:29Ideas
09:30My dear
09:31That's my technique.
09:33All my
09:33Pretty worlds
09:34to the floor.
09:37I wish you'd reconsider
09:39Libby.
09:39Reconsider what?
09:40Carr is the only
09:41female lawyer I know
09:42who's sharp enough
09:43to be a partner
09:44in this firm.
09:45Sharp?
09:46Yes, like a bloody
09:47machete.
09:47Only with her
09:48you just don't know
09:49which way the blade
09:50will swing.
09:51Why is she so
09:52important to you?
09:53I feel responsible
09:54for her.
09:55For all of you,
09:56but particularly
09:57for her after
09:58what she went through.
09:59Oh, we've all
10:00been through shit.
10:01Not like her.
10:02When she was
10:03a little girl
10:04she experienced
10:05the worst
10:06kind of abandonment.
10:07What?
10:07Her father
10:08and this is
10:09strictly confidential.
10:11Her father
10:12killed himself
10:13and she found him.
10:15Holy fuck.
10:16I didn't know that.
10:18That's why
10:19she now draws
10:19her own lines
10:21on her skin
10:22in the sand
10:23across anyone
10:24who tries to get
10:24too close to her
10:25because if she's
10:27doing the damage
10:28at least it's not
10:28being done to her.
10:30Okay, fine.
10:31I'll take the meeting
10:32but that's it.
10:33Thank you.
10:33She's gonna have
10:34to compete for the job
10:35just like everyone
10:36else.
10:36Of course.
10:37To the left.
10:39Money.
10:40And just remember
10:41hot shot female lawyers
10:43in Los Angeles
10:44there is
10:44common as avocados
10:46and the trick here
10:47is finding one
10:48that's not
10:49rotten inside.
10:51It should cause
10:51the go-in
10:52to look this good.
10:53Oh, yeah.
11:03I do not blame
11:04my mother
11:05for my misfortunes
11:06or for my drinking.
11:07You don't even know
11:08what you drink.
11:09How would you possibly
11:10blame your mother
11:11for everything
11:11you don't even do?
11:13Remember my 17th birthday
11:14party when you lifted
11:16your skirt up
11:17in front of all
11:17those people
11:18cleaning up my whole...
11:19I didn't lift my skirt
11:20it twirled up!
11:22You only remember
11:23the band stuff
11:24don't you?
11:25What about the big band
11:26I got to play
11:27at that party?
11:28Do you remember that?
11:29No!
11:29You only remember
11:31that my skirt
11:32accidentally twirled up!
11:34And you weren't
11:35wearing any underwear.
11:37Well, so my bush
11:38was out.
11:39So what?
11:39You wish.
11:41We need to get
11:41some boyfriends.
11:42Yeah, I know.
11:44We're in our prime.
11:45We should be dating.
11:46There's no excuse.
11:47Yeah, I thought
11:47I was gonna wait
11:48to be done with
11:49the mommy thing
11:50and then suddenly
11:51I was 50.
11:52Yeah, well,
11:53that's the new 35.
11:54Oh, please.
11:55Seriously!
11:55We're hot.
11:56We're rich.
11:57We are successful.
11:57We should be dating.
11:58I mean, come on.
11:59When is the last time
12:00that your skirt
12:01twirled up?
12:02When was the last
12:03time yours did?
12:04Two days ago.
12:06Equinox theme, bro.
12:07Oh, my God.
12:08They're gonna kick you out.
12:10I'm careful.
12:11Seriously.
12:12Who's the last person
12:13you were actually
12:14attracted to?
12:19You really want to know?
12:20Yeah.
12:23Chase Monroe.
12:25What?
12:26Nothing.
12:27He's my type,
12:28but he's such
12:29a lunkhead.
12:30A lunkhead?
12:31Yeah.
12:32And what exactly
12:33is my type?
12:34I don't know.
12:35I guess I would've thought
12:35something more like
12:37tall.
12:38He's tall.
12:38Suave.
12:39He's suave.
12:40British.
12:41Not British.
12:41Hugh Grant.
12:42Hugh Laurie.
12:43One of the Hughes.
12:44People named Hugh
12:45are 90% of the time
12:47swishy queens.
12:48That is fucked up.
12:49Sorry.
12:49Your name isn't Hugh.
12:50I mean,
12:51like, why are you
12:52offended?
12:53Seriously.
12:55He literally looks
12:57like my OG heartthrob
12:59from when I was
13:00a little
13:00baby girl.
13:02Who's that?
13:02Jesus.
13:03But who?
13:05Jesus.
13:07I used to rub one out
13:09to Jesus.
13:11I had a huge
13:12lady boner for him.
13:14Truly.
13:15Sunday school
13:16was my steam room.
13:18What's so fucking funny?
13:20Have you looked at Jesus?
13:21You're disgusting.
13:22His body on that cross,
13:24those soulful eyes,
13:26that fucking hair,
13:27those abs all chiseled,
13:29holding baby limbs and shit.
13:32Okay, well,
13:33it doesn't matter.
13:35It's like wishful thinking.
13:36I don't date
13:37my clients.
13:40Plus,
13:40he's a sex addict
13:41and a himbo.
13:42That's a bad thing?
13:44I mean,
13:44that's the ideal fuck buddy,
13:45right?
13:46It's not like you're
13:46going to ask him
13:47to marry you.
13:50I dare you.
13:51You dare me?
13:52What are we in the eighth grade?
13:53What are you doing?
13:54I double doggy style
13:58dare you.
14:01You are the devil.
14:04Because now I have to do it.
14:08You're going to do it.
14:09Yeah, I'm going to do it.
14:13You're so disgusting.
14:32Hi.
14:34Chase,
14:34for the record,
14:35you can't just swing by here
14:36and see if I'm free.
14:37I'm never free.
14:39I'm negative free.
14:42You have this sign, please.
14:44I'm on it.
14:45And if you want a meeting,
14:47we'll call Marty.
14:47Got it.
14:48Make an appointment.
14:49But seeing that I'm already
14:50standing here next to you,
14:51maybe you can squeeze me in.
15:00Okay, look,
15:00I was just wondering
15:01if you had thought
15:02about what I asked.
15:03About giving this,
15:05us,
15:05another shot.
15:07Because I'd really like to.
15:08Like, really,
15:10really like to.
15:12I have thought about it,
15:13but I don't think we should.
15:15And since when are you
15:16someone who thinks
15:17about shoulds?
15:18Since now.
15:22We need time apart.
15:23Some distance.
15:25Serious distance.
15:26That means no check-ins,
15:29no accidental run-ins,
15:30no late-night texts
15:31because something
15:32reminds you of me.
15:33No half-in and half-out.
15:35I need clarity,
15:36and so do you.
15:37I have clarity.
15:38You have habit,
15:39and you have addiction,
15:40and I don't want to be
15:41on the receiving end of that.
15:43You and I
15:44were like muscle memory.
15:45We just fall right back
15:46into each other
15:47so easily.
15:48Easy doesn't mean right,
15:50and it doesn't mean healthy.
15:51I don't want to keep
15:53just looping through
15:54the same cycle.
15:58I love you, Alora.
16:00I know you think you do.
16:01No, I don't just think.
16:02I know.
16:03Okay?
16:04I feel it
16:04in every part of me.
16:06I need time.
16:08I need to remember
16:09who I am without you.
16:12Give me what I need.
16:13Please.
16:15Even if you don't think
16:16you need it to.
16:21Okay.
16:24Good.
16:25Thank you.
16:35You know, the thing is,
16:38I think some love just stays,
16:41even when you ask it to go.
16:54to go.
17:28Oh, wow. I thought I'd have to wait for hell to freeze over before I'd hear that.
17:34What are you doing here, Kar?
17:35I must have felt the gravitational pull of your massive ego.
17:40Your gym is, uh, two blocks from my office, remember?
17:44Since you personally told me that your body requires three hours of worship a day,
17:49the odds of finding you here were higher than your protein intake.
18:08Oh, so delicate for one so tough.
18:14What do you want?
18:17You can go lower.
18:25I missed you.
18:27And that filthy, oil-drenched man bun of yours.
18:32Of course, what I'm probably really missing is the dopamine hit I got from watching your ex unravel.
18:38It pretty much consumed me night and day.
18:40Now I feel like I'm in some kind of post-Allure divorce withdrawal.
18:44It leaves a void.
18:46I'm sorry.
18:48Did you say that you miss me?
18:51You crossed my mind.
18:53On occasion.
18:54Oh, okay.
18:55Boring, always washing my own hair.
18:58Isn't that sweet?
19:01Do you think we adequately celebrated our victory?
19:05Maybe we can, I don't know, relive some of the highlights together over dinner or drinks.
19:12Are you asking me out on a date?
19:15I don't know.
19:17Does inserting that big hard dick of yours inside my lady hoo-ha constitute a date?
19:28Maybe.
19:31I can't.
19:34Look, I want to.
19:36It's just these stupid sex anonymous classes.
19:39My name is Chase Monroe, and I'm a fucking sex addict.
19:42Oh, what a crock of shit.
19:45It's not.
19:46It's not.
19:48It's not.
19:49It's not.
19:51It's not.
20:00If you wanted to stop sticking your dick where it didn't belong, you'd just stop.
20:06My guess is you just haven't found the right place to stick it.
20:12And where might that be?
20:16What would your sad little limp dick of a sponsor say if we were to go back to my office
20:24right now for a little game of boss and secretary?
20:31I think you'd like that, wouldn't you?
20:36Do I get to be the boss?
20:37Oh.
20:39What are you, fucking delusional?
20:41Your only job is to satisfy the boss.
20:46And if you don't, I'll have you broken down and liquidated like a failing asset.
20:52I'm about to meet me, boss.
20:54Well, report me to HR.
20:56I dare you.
21:05Say it.
21:06Say it.
21:08Say it.
21:09My name is Chase Monroe, and I'm a fucking sex addict.
21:13Oh, no.
21:14Not that, you idiot.
21:15The other thing.
21:16Oh, right.
21:16Sorry.
21:18Please, boss.
21:19Don't fire me.
21:21I'll get better, I swear.
21:23You think being better is good enough?
21:26You need to work harder.
21:28Yes.
21:30Master, yes.
21:31Okay.
21:32Now put your back in jail.
21:33I want to see you sweat.
21:35Oh, my God.
21:37Oh, I need this job.
21:42I need this job.
21:50I'll leave it coming early.
21:51Oh, not too early.
21:53Oh.
21:54There you go.
21:55Slow down.
21:56Yeah.
21:57I'll keep grinding and grinding until you're satisfied.
22:02Oh, I'm going to bust my hump for my final review.
22:05And I need a good...
22:08Smaller.
22:09Oh.
22:11Oh.
22:12Oh.
22:14Oh.
22:18Oh.
22:19Oh.
22:20Oh.
22:20Oh.
22:21Oh.
22:22Oh.
22:23Oh.
22:24Oh.
22:25You're rehired.
22:26Oh.
22:29Oh.
22:32Get off me.
22:33Right.
22:34Jesus Christ.
22:36That desk is killing my bag.
22:39Oh.
22:40Oh.
22:42C'est parti.
23:10The world did not come to an end.
23:12Yeah, I know.
23:16This whole sex thing is fucking me up, right?
23:18I have to stop.
23:19Well, it doesn't really matter if you stop or not.
23:23What matters is if you figure out why the fuck you're doing it in the first place.
23:28That is literally the only thing that matters.
23:32What do you mean?
23:46Can you see these?
23:50I know a little something about compulsive behavior, too.
23:56And if you don't know why you're doing what you're doing, abstinence doesn't mean shit.
24:05You'll just keep pulling your strings.
24:08Do you know your why?
24:10Some days, I think I do.
24:13Like I'm in control.
24:16Other days, I'm just a fucking marionette.
24:22What is it?
24:24Your why?
24:27Yeah, no, I don't think so.
24:29I don't kiss and tell the guys I fuck.
24:31Even the ones I like.
24:34If you want to take me to dinner sometime, maybe I'll tell you.
24:38Out.
24:47That was fun.
24:49Kinky.
24:52I liked it.
25:19You know, Judge, that is nice for a change.
25:23Well, I save the judging for the judges.
25:27You're not going to let some asshole tell me what I can and cannot enjoy.
25:33Good job today, Mr. Monroe.
25:37If you keep this up, I might fast-track you for a raise.
25:45Yes, ma'am.
25:47Yes.
26:11Unfortunately, until the court awards you custody, those are still his parental rights.
26:17Um, your ex is here.
26:20He's...
26:20Okay, just continue to keep a log of everything he says and I'll see you Monday.
26:25Okay.
26:26He's where?
26:27He's...
26:27Here.
26:28Your ex is here.
26:31Thank you, Marnie.
26:32You can close the door.
26:33Of course.
26:36You could have called.
26:38I did.
26:39And I texted you.
26:42Oh, shit.
26:43Okay.
26:43So what do I owe the pleasure, Chase?
26:47If this is a gift...
26:48It was.
26:49From you.
26:51It's from our first anniversary.
26:53You paid all that money for it at the auction in Geneva.
26:56Phillips.
26:57I woke up and you had put it on my wrist.
26:59It was the best gift I ever got.
27:04It says to my husband for all time.
27:08You should put it up for auction.
27:09Give the proceeds to that children's hospital you like.
27:12You can erase the engraving.
27:13I checked.
27:14Okay.
27:15Thank you.
27:16I appreciate that.
27:21So sorry, Elora, but Mrs. Walsh is in the conference room.
27:25Okay.
27:26I should probably go.
27:28How are your meetings going?
27:29What meetings?
27:30Your S.A. meetings.
27:32Oh, uh...
27:33They're good.
27:34Yeah, they're really good.
27:37What was the topic last night?
27:39You know, uh, just...
27:42Look, it's the same as always.
27:44Owning your shit, letting go.
27:46Elora!
27:47Jesus, Chase.
27:49What?
27:49They're meetings.
27:50It's fine.
27:51Meetings that you're not even gonna go to
27:53because what's the point, right?
27:55You're just gonna fuck around anyway?
27:56No, that's not it at all.
27:58You couldn't keep it in your pants for one fucking week?
28:01Look, Carr said that I should...
28:03Whoa.
28:04Carr?
28:05No, I didn't say it was Carr.
28:07You just did.
28:10Okay.
28:10Look, it was Carr, but it wasn't like a thing or anything.
28:13She just...
28:14She's a fucking lunatic.
28:16And it's not even that she's sleeping with her client.
28:18Ex-client.
28:19Who happens to be my ex-husband
28:21and she's doing this all while she's trying to make partner at my fucking firm?
28:24Are you that desperate to get off or are you just fucking stupid?
28:27Maybe I like her, huh?
28:29Because she doesn't judge me like somebody.
28:31Because she's an immoral psycho bitch.
28:33That's why.
28:34Yeah, well, at least she's willing to try shit like role play.
28:36I'm sorry, Chase.
28:37I'm not into role playing.
28:39I like to find out who you are before you pretend to be someone else.
28:42Right.
28:42See, you're repressed and frigid.
28:45Frigid?
28:45Because I don't enjoy getting bulldozed from behind?
28:48No, you're frigid because you're just frigid.
28:50You're so fucking controlling and judgmental.
28:53And if it's not your way, then it's wrong.
28:54And I'm not just talking about sex.
28:56It's everything.
28:57It's fucked up.
28:58Fucked up?
28:58I'm fucked up?
28:59What about you?
29:00What about your fucking promises to get your shit together and deal with your addiction?
29:04I will.
29:04But I need to figure out why I'm addicted.
29:06Did you ever think about that?
29:12Get the fuck out of my office.
29:14Gladly.
29:15You know, and for the record, I have never tried to control you.
29:18If you didn't have such a rest of development, you'd see that.
29:21It's called caring about someone you love and wanting to help them.
29:24Help them?
29:24Help them what?
29:25Be the way you want them to be?
29:27Good luck finding a guy who wants that kind of help.
29:29Thank fucking God, it won't be me!
29:44Stay clear, everybody.
29:46No means you can't.
29:48Baby girl, you're so damn fine, though.
29:50I'm trying to know if I can hit it from behind, though.
29:52I'm sipping on you like some fine wine, though.
29:55And when it's over, I press rewind, though.
29:57Mr. Monroe.
29:59I think she's expecting me, Susan.
30:01Yes, of course.
30:02I thought you'd play football, Mr. Monroe.
30:04Just volunteer work.
30:06Trying to be of service.
30:08Mr. Monroe is here to see you.
30:11You can go in.
30:12Thanks.
30:13You've got a little bit of...
30:15Oh.
30:17Yeah.
30:18Contain the spill before it spreads.
30:21Oh, help.
30:23Help me.
30:25Thank God you're here.
30:27The flames are spreading.
30:29I've been busy saving lives,
30:32giving mouth-to-mouth to the victims in my building.
30:35Some of them didn't even need it.
30:36But as a fellow first responder,
30:38I felt it was important
30:40to go above and beyond.
30:43Dispatch, we've got a code red.
30:45Victim is suffering from severe internal combustion.
30:49Nurse,
30:50I'm gonna need you to put your arms around me.
30:52Let me take you to safety.
30:55I was worried you wouldn't make it in time.
30:58I'm a blaze inside.
31:01Don't you worry.
31:03When there's an emergency like this,
31:04I always come fast.
31:06But can you last long enough
31:08to put out the whole fire?
31:09I never leave a hot spot unattended.
31:11I've been trained
31:12for deep
31:14penetration.
31:17Mr. Fireman.
31:19Well, I see your hose
31:21is fully pressurized.
31:23Locked and loaded.
31:24But it might be safer
31:25if I
31:26enter through the back door.
31:29What?
31:31That is, if it's okay with you.
31:37Whatever you want, Mr. Fireman.
31:40But please be gentle.
31:43It's been a while.
31:45And that
31:46passageway has mostly been used
31:48as an emergency exit.
31:49That's it.
31:50Daddy, wouldn't you treat me
31:55That's it.
31:56That's it.
31:58Just relax.
32:05You're safe with me.
32:08Totally safe.
32:11What's your name, Mr. Fireman?
32:14Chase.
32:14No, no.
32:17Your name, remember?
32:19Oh, right here.
32:21They call me Jesus.
32:23Yes.
32:24Jesus.
32:25Oh, God.
32:28Oh, my Christ.
32:30Oh, my Savior.
32:34Oh, yes.
32:35I'm coming.
32:37Oh, baby.
32:38Oh, Jesus.
32:40I'm coming.
32:41Come for me, Mary.
32:43Oh, God.
32:44Oh, come for me.
32:46Come for me, Laura.
32:50Fuck.
32:51Shit.
32:52I'm in a car.
32:52Sorry.
32:55I'm in a car.
32:58Shit.
33:01Look, we had a fight earlier.
33:03And I bet that's definitely not...
33:06Yeah, well, it's fine.
33:07I get it.
33:08She's still in your brain.
33:11No biggie.
33:16Fuck.
33:22Look, Cara, that was really stupid of me.
33:25And I shouldn't have fucking said that.
33:27Chase.
33:29It's fine, really.
33:32It was just a fuck, so...
33:36But, um, I have a client, so...
33:40You should probably get...
33:56How about I order us something really awful for later when you're done?
34:01No fires have a way of starting back up again.
34:08Chin-chin.
34:11I hate Chin-chin.
34:12It's the worst.
34:14I'll have it waiting for you in the conference room.
34:34He's a cop.
34:35Of course he's dirty.
34:37Oh, no?
34:38Why don't you stick a finger in his ass and see what you pull out?
34:41Yeah.
34:42I have Ann Ford.
34:43Okay.
34:44I'm gonna need to call you back.
34:46Bring her in.
34:50Miss Lane.
34:51It's an honor.
34:52I saw the profile on you in L.A. magazine.
34:54Oh, God.
34:55Please don't do that.
34:56Don't kiss my ass.
34:57I'm the best at what I do.
34:59You are the best at what you do.
35:00You are the number one stylist in L.A., are you not?
35:03Adele gave me your number.
35:05What can I do for you?
35:05Do you know who Elora Grant is?
35:08I do.
35:09Yeah, well, I want what that bitch has.
35:13And let's get it done clickety-clackety, okay?
35:17Okay.
35:19Okay.
35:20Okay.
35:42Oh, my God.
35:45I must admit, I'm so happy to be back.
35:49Thank you, Elora.
35:54No, not the boss lady, Milano.
35:59And be grateful for it.
36:01If you were my secretary and you did what you did fucking my man while I was married to him,
36:09I'd let you finish off your contract eating rubble in a Siberian labor camp.
36:14I am so sorry.
36:18You?
36:20Uh, I, I'll let them know you're here.
36:24Hmm.
36:28Is there something you'd like to share with the class?
36:32No.
36:33No.
36:35All right, well, let's be real.
36:38They all want to be her.
36:39We all want to be her.
36:40Shit, I want to be her.
36:41I wanted to be her so bad, I got knocked up by her ex.
36:43You're pregnant with that baby because you're a social climbing cum dump.
36:46Oh, my God.
36:47Yeah.
36:48Those are the facts, bitch.
36:50Okay.
36:51Well, take it from one who's tried.
36:54The world only needs one Elora Grant.
36:57But the world also needs a Carlene.
37:01That's a badass, bitch.
37:03And honestly, from me to you, I'm rooting for her.
37:07You fucking human fleshlight.
37:10Chase.
37:11Really?
37:12Anything you can fuck, I can fuck better.
37:15Oh, my God.
37:15I see you got to my stylist, you bitch.
37:17Well, she was grateful she finally had something to work with.
37:20Well, you know you made it when they start making shitty knockoffs of you.
37:23It's like I'm looking at my reflection in a clogged toilet.
37:26Dress for the job you want.
37:28Call it method acting.
37:29Meth head acting.
37:30You're having a psychotic break.
37:32Well, me, Chasey Poo loves it.
37:34Good nickname.
37:35And it's like fucking you, except for without the vaginal rot and the hot compost breath.
37:42Plus, I let him put it in any hole he wants.
37:45Listen very carefully.
37:47You join this firm over my fucking corpse.
37:49I am rock hard just thinking about it.
37:52I don't know what your angle is, but it's not going to work.
37:55My angle?
37:57I mean, what gal wouldn't want to join this lovely human centipede?
38:00The four of you, ass to mouth, gobbling up each other's rancid kale farts all day?
38:05Kale farts is crazy.
38:06Why Dina protects you, I'll never know.
38:08You're a vulture.
38:10So let's make this quick so you can go back to eating roadkill.
38:13You look like a blow-up doll that was left in a hot car.
38:16Oh.
38:17Go melt your ass fat and use it to make soap.
38:32To the sacred library.
38:36The sanctum sanctorum of the you-can't-sit-with-us society.
38:41So is this the part where you pretend that you've always wanted me here?
38:47If I did that, my nose might grow.
38:50Seriously, though.
38:51What's with the interview?
38:53You already know exactly what I bring to the table.
38:56Which is, invariably, your crushing defeat.
38:59We know you can score a car.
39:01We are not convinced that you're a team player.
39:04Well, hard to prove that I'm a team player when you've spent years making sure I wasn't on yours.
39:09And you still haven't forgiven us for it.
39:12Well, I'm here, aren't I?
39:13After you slept with Allura's husband, for God's sake.
39:17See, we don't keep secrets here.
39:20Her ex-husband.
39:21I made sure the ink was dry before I touched a strand of that greasy man bun of his.
39:26Well, tiny, slow clap for showing such uncharacteristic restraint.
39:33What the hell do you have on?
39:35What is this, dress up like your enemy's day?
39:38Allura Grant is one of fucking one.
39:41She doesn't need a goddamn stunt double.
39:44That part.
39:45Oh, yes.
39:46Well, just call it an homage to mediocrity.
39:51And as for Chase, she should be flattered I don't often shop secondhand.
39:56Now, are we here to talk about the law or just to judge my extracurriculars?
40:01I'm sorry.
40:02I have to ask.
40:03Why would you even accept this invitation?
40:06You're a huge success.
40:08Wouldn't you rather be the boss of your own firm?
40:12Well?
40:17Closure.
40:20I mean, I could lie and tell you that it's because I need to spend more time with my daughter
40:25or that the business has become overwhelming, but it is much deeper than that.
40:33It took me a while to recover from your initial rejection, but I did.
40:40And then when Dina joined forces with you all, it became existential.
40:45Because Dina was my mentor, not yours.
40:51And now, after all these years, you are coming to me.
40:55So forgive me if I take a few minutes to, uh, savor the moment.
41:00Savor on your own time, Miss Thing.
41:03The only reason you are here is a favor to Dina.
41:07Did you look at the case we sent you?
41:08I did.
41:10Marrying him twice.
41:11Divorcing him twice.
41:13The assemblyman with his bat-shit crazy conspiracy theories.
41:18She should have trusted her gut the first time.
41:31Okay.
41:32We will allow you to join us in mediation
41:34to see what it's like to be on the same side for a change.
41:38You're auditioning me?
41:42What?
41:43To see whether I can play well with others?
41:48Fine.
41:50I will try not to hog the ball
41:52as long as there is someone else to pass it to.
41:56This bitch.
42:10Whoa.
42:11The whole legal swap team.
42:13Nice to see you, Francine.
42:14It's been a while.
42:15It has.
42:16Liberty, Emerald, Pleasure, and Ms. Lane.
42:19What is this?
42:20Sleeping with the enemy now?
42:22Just observing with a mild assist, if necessary.
42:25And before you comment on my new appearance,
42:28please know that this look is...
42:30Mine.
42:31...nothing more than a simple run-through
42:33of next Halloween's costume,
42:35where I will be dressing as a whore lawyer.
42:40Dina, too.
42:42Five on one.
42:43You guys must really be sweating.
42:45Hello, Francine.
42:46Sorry to keep you waiting.
42:47I was reviewing some details with Ms. Williams.
42:50Cora, I think you're acquainted with everyone here
42:53except Carrington Lane.
42:55Ms. Lane has gone over your case,
42:57and she is sitting in with us today
43:00to lend us her expertise.
43:04Please.
43:05Thank you.
43:11Cora.
43:11Hello, Bob.
43:14So, let's work together to resolve the custody issue
43:18to spare your kids from the courtroom.
43:20Shall we?
43:21We suggest primary physical custody for our client
43:25with reasonable supervised visits for yours
43:28on the condition that if Mr. Bishop
43:30begins discussing politics or his theories,
43:33then that visit is terminated immediately.
43:35Mr. Bishop's children mean the world to him,
43:37and he will not abdicate his parental rights
43:39based on opinions he might have
43:41which his ex-wife does not agree with.
43:43We're talking best interest standard,
43:45protecting two minors
43:46from the paranoid conspiracy theories
43:48Mr. Bishop's advocating.
43:50My client is hardly alone in his thinking.
43:52I'm sure you're aware of that, counselor.
43:53There's a whole club of Bigfoot believers, too,
43:56and there's a whole bunch of people
43:57who swear Elvis is still alive.
43:59Now, that's just dismissive.
44:00His views are way more mainstream
44:02than you'd like to admit.
44:03Well, we were trying to avoid
44:05a 7.30 child custody evaluation,
44:07but now it's clear a judge should hear it firsthand
44:10that your client's beliefs
44:13are both dangerous and a risk to the children.
44:17Well, bring it on.
44:18I'm sure he's interested in many
44:20psychopharmaceutical prescriptions
44:22that your strength felt it was necessary
44:24to prescribe for you.
44:26But I only began taking
44:28to survive your crazy shit!
44:30He was crazy before I met you.
44:31I'm done. Let's go.
44:32Uh, Assemblyman Bishop,
44:35why don't you have a seat?
44:37Please.
44:40Thank you.
44:41I'm just gonna ask you a few questions.
44:46Do you believe that, uh, aliens, uh,
44:50built the pyramids?
44:52No, I do not.
44:53So you, you didn't say that
44:55to a Mr. Samson Asher Corps
44:57while being interviewed on Radio Ada,
45:00a small community radio station in Ghana
45:02when you were there in 2021?
45:04No the fuck I didn't.
45:05Huh.
45:08Okay, well, uh,
45:09what about, uh,
45:10fluoride in the water supply
45:13turning children trans?
45:14It's bullshit.
45:15It's bullshit?
45:17Well, I would have to agree with you on that
45:19because, um,
45:21you see,
45:22Mr. Assemblyman,
45:23I happen to have a transcript
45:25of that interview
45:26that you probably thought
45:27no one except some, uh,
45:29fisherman or herdsman
45:30would ever hear on that
45:32teeny tiny radio station
45:33in the rural outposts of Ghana.
45:36I mean,
45:37I'm not even going to bring up
45:38the fucking asinine comments
45:40you made about, uh,
45:42the moon landing being faked
45:44or, uh,
45:45secret chambers being behind
45:47Mount Rushmore
45:48filled with government secrets
45:49or Beyonce and Jay-Z
45:51and fuck you really hard for this,
45:54my beloved Taylor Swift
45:56being Illuminati leaders.
45:57But, uh,
45:58what I will bring up
46:00is that I have given
46:01my assistant orders
46:03to send copies of that transcript
46:05to every news outlet
46:07for immediate release
46:08if she doesn't hear from me
46:10otherwise by 2 p.m. today.
46:13After which,
46:14you will see yourself
46:15satirized ad nauseum
46:17on every late night talk show
46:18and ridiculed
46:19in every publication
46:21no longer confined
46:22to the hills of rural Ghana.
46:26Suffice to say,
46:27I think you can kiss
46:28your political ambitions
46:30goodbye.
46:32Unless
46:33you agree
46:34to an 80-20
46:35physical custody split
46:37with supervised
46:38visitation rights
46:39which,
46:40if it were up to me,
46:41I'd say,
46:42go fuck yourself.
46:44But your ex-wife
46:45seems to be
46:46a much more generous soul
46:47than I am.
46:50Do I make myself clear?
47:09I'll be expecting your call.
47:14Not tonight, though.
47:15I've got some
47:15X-rated plans
47:16with your ex.
47:17It's kind of hard
47:18to discuss terms
47:19when breaching
47:19the fidelity clause.
47:20Just out of curiosity,
47:22why do you keep
47:22throwing that in my face
47:23when you want to be
47:24invited into this firm?
47:25Because I know
47:26what really matters
47:27to you.
47:28More than Chase,
47:30more than me
47:30fucking Chase,
47:31more than anything else,
47:33and it's this firm.
47:34Now, you saw me in there.
47:36You know what I can do.
47:37and at the end of the day,
47:39that's all that really matters.
47:43Isn't it, babe?
47:44Try not to wear out
47:45your vibrator.
48:00Oh, no.
48:02Ah!
48:03Oh, fuck!
48:04Oh, shit!
48:04Where's the smoke line?
48:05Uh, around the corner,
48:06up on the ceiling.
48:08Damn!
48:09Oh, shit!
48:10You got that?
48:11No, no, please!
48:12Turn it off!
48:13I'm trying!
48:14I swear to God!
48:15Ah!
48:16Oh, my God!
48:18Woo!
48:21Oh, shit!
48:23Oh, man.
48:25Okay, you know what?
48:26You can fuck right off.
48:28There was a thought process here
48:30because what is
48:30beef bourguignon anyway?
48:32It is beef and wine,
48:34and I had some roast beef
48:35from the deli
48:36thinly sliced.
48:38I'm sorry,
48:39you put cold cuts
48:40in a stew?
48:43I thought it would be
48:45easier to chew.
48:47Okay, you are focusing
48:49on the negative.
48:50Where are my kudos
48:51for attempting this
48:52classic French dish?
48:54Julia Child
48:55would be so proud.
48:57Julia Child
48:57is rolling over
48:59in her grave.
48:59life is a goddamn
49:01learning experience.
49:02Isn't that some sort of
49:03yo-yo-mah shit?
49:05A beginner's mind.
49:07Mm.
49:08Ooh.
49:09You're really fucking good, huh?
49:11Yeah.
49:13Mm.
49:13Zesty.
49:14Zesty?
49:15Mm.
49:16Zesty.
49:17You know what else
49:18is Zesty?
49:20You.
49:21And there's Zesty.
49:24What are you playing
49:25hard to get?
49:27Because I can play
49:28that game, too.
49:29Except for I don't want to.
49:39You know what?
49:40We could just fuck
49:41and order Mr. Chow.
49:42I can't.
49:44Carr, we have to
49:45stop this.
49:46Okay?
49:47I came here tonight
49:47to tell you that.
49:57Wow.
49:59Uh.
50:01Okay.
50:03So, you came
50:05to my house
50:06for dinner
50:06at 9.30 p.m.
50:09just to tell me
50:10in person
50:10that we should not
50:12be having sex?
50:13I'm trying to be good.
50:15Okay?
50:16I'm trying to follow
50:17the program.
50:17Yeah, well,
50:18you sound like
50:18a fucking pamphlet
50:19from the free clinic.
50:22Can't we just
50:23watch a movie?
50:24Yeah, okay, Goody.
50:24Let's watch a movie
50:25and give each other
50:26titty twisters.
50:32You know,
50:33you were wrong
50:33about what you said.
50:36You were right
50:37and you were wrong.
50:38Look, I...
50:39I have to find
50:40and my why,
50:41but I can't keep
50:42doing this toxic behavior.
50:44It's both things.
50:45Yeah, well...
50:48You're a goddamn coward.
50:52I gotta go to a meeting.
50:54Oh, yeah, okay,
50:55well, whatever.
50:56Go.
50:58You have watery cum,
51:00anyway.
51:01and ass acne.
51:04You have acne.
51:09Stop.
51:11Oh.
51:13Okay, I see.
51:15You think this has
51:15nothing to do with you.
51:17It's madness.
51:19It's absolute madness.
51:23What is?
51:25That people can't understand
51:27that Miranda Priestly
51:28is the hero
51:29of this movie
51:30and that sad little Annie
51:32is the psycho villain.
51:34It's so fucking obvious.
51:39I'm sorry things
51:40didn't work out with Chase.
51:44Uh, things weren't supposed
51:46to work out with Chase.
51:48No, I got exactly
51:50what I wanted.
51:52They never would have
51:53seriously considered
51:54letting me in the firm
51:55if they thought
51:55I was actually with him.
51:57Hmm.
51:57Yeah.
52:00Why do you want
52:01this partnership
52:04there
52:05with them?
52:09That's the first question
52:10they asked me.
52:12And I gave them
52:13some fucking sob story
52:15about second chances.
52:18but in reality
52:19the truth is
52:22it's destiny.
52:25Like
52:26the band back together
52:28at last?
52:30Oh, that's sweet.
52:32No, not that.
52:36Ever since they went off
52:38and left me for dead
52:40at the Geriatric Litigation Society
52:42it has been my life's work
52:44my destiny
52:45to get payback.
52:48Fucking with
52:49the Lord's divorce
52:50was fun
52:51but I'm talking about
52:53real
52:55payback.
52:57So
52:59I'm gonna go in
53:01like a Darth Vader
53:02cancer cell
53:03and I'm gonna make
53:05that firm bigger
53:06than they ever
53:07thought possible.
53:10and then
53:12I'm gonna drop
53:13kick it
53:14stomp on it
53:17tear it apart
53:18piece by piece
53:20and sell it all
53:22for scrap.
53:25Spill all the secrets
53:27reveal all the skeletons
53:29and one
53:31at a time
53:33destroy
53:34them all.
53:41I get it.
53:44And
53:45I hope that
53:46someday
53:46with
53:48some space
53:49and some clarity
53:51you'll reconsider.
53:56I won't.
54:03You see
54:04you see
54:07right there
54:08Miranda
54:11heroic.
54:41heroic.
55:12...