- 4 hours ago
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00:03Oh, come on, dude. You got one freaking job.
00:05Yo, Tam, I think the fridge water thingy's busted.
00:07The shower's not working either.
00:09Oh, you kidding me?
00:14Wait, what?
00:15Hmm.
00:17Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
00:19Our water's not working.
00:20I know. I just shut it off.
00:22Okay, well, you got, like, a ETA on when it's gonna be up and running?
00:25That depends on when you pay your bill.
00:27Uh-huh.
00:28Mark, did you forget to pay the water bill?
00:30Uh, no, I did not forget to pay the water bill.
00:33I intentionally didn't pay it.
00:34I'm sorry, what? Why?
00:36Uh, because it's a scam.
00:38A scam? Providing water is a scam?
00:40Big time, okay? Last bill I saw was, like, $27.
00:43It's ridiculous.
00:44Uh, I feel like 27 bucks is pretty reasonable for something essential like water.
00:48Are you kidding me?
00:49How are you gonna charge for water?
00:50It's like a natural human right.
00:52What's next, paying for air?
00:53And so you just stopped paying?
00:55That was your plan?
00:56I mean, I didn't think they'd actually shut it off.
00:58I'm pretty sure that's illegal, actually.
01:00You're a real piece of work, you know that?
01:02Uh, Tammy, I'm making a stand here.
01:03Someone's gotta stand up to these corporate government bureaucracies.
01:07Excuse me, ma'am?
01:08Yes?
01:09Can I just pay the bill right now when you turn the water back on?
01:12I'm not authorized to accept payments.
01:13Needs to go through our billing department.
01:15Okay, but can't you just, like, call them real quick?
01:18The fastest way to pay is through our online portal.
01:20Once the outstanding balance is paid,
01:21I'll return within five to seven business days to restore service.
01:24Five to seven?
01:25What?
01:25But you're literally here right now.
01:28Sorry, there's a whole protocol I need to follow.
01:30Can you back up, please?
01:33There you go.
01:33There it is, right there.
01:34Okay, you see what I'm talking about?
01:35We're dealing with a soulless corporation.
01:37There's a reason they got waterworks on a friggin' monopoly board.
01:40Well, we don't really have a choice.
01:42Actually, we do.
01:44We are gonna be getting our own water.
01:46The classic way.
01:47I'm diggin' a well.
01:49Uh, no.
01:50You don't know the first thing about diggin' a well.
01:51Uh, it ain't rocket science, damn.
01:53You dig a frickin' hole until you hit water.
01:54Boom.
01:56Ah, damn it.
01:57Who put a sprinkler there?
02:00Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory
02:03Until them robots came along
02:05And now there is no doubt for me
02:07But I get 3,000 bucks a month
02:09Thanks to UVI
02:13Now we're universal basic guys
02:17It may not sound like much
02:19But we're still gonna try
02:21We're just universal basic guys
02:36Hey, Mark, you wanna grill up these dogs and watch the fills?
02:39Not today, Hank.
02:40We're diggin' a well.
02:41Oh, man, that seems like a lot of work.
02:43What are you talkin' about?
02:44It's fun.
02:44It's like, uh, diggin' a hole at the beach.
02:46It's classic.
02:47Ooh, I do love diggin' holes at the beach.
02:49Right?
02:50Yeah.
02:50You wanna get in on this, dude?
02:51Uh, okay.
02:52Ah, yeah.
02:54Here we go.
02:57Man, this is no joke.
02:58Ah, you got this, dude.
02:59I already broke through the crust.
03:01That's, like, the hardest part.
03:02Now you just gotta dig the last 100 feet or so.
03:04Oh, okay.
03:05Are you good?
03:06I'm gonna go grab a drink.
03:07Okay.
03:12Oh, come on.
03:13Hun, what email did you use to log in to the water bill thing?
03:16None of them are workin'.
03:17Oh, yeah, I used a fake one.
03:19I think it was, uh, fartfaceatnothanks.poop or something.
03:22I don't know.
03:23Why would you do that?
03:24Uh, cause I'm not tryin' to get a billion spam emails about not wastin' water.
03:27Come on, Mark.
03:28How am I supposed to pay the bill if I can't even log in to the website?
03:31Yeah, well, we don't need to pay the bill.
03:33We're goin' off the grid.
03:34Enough.
03:34I just wanna pay the bill and get on with it.
03:37Wow.
03:37Look at you, just givin' in like all the other sheeple.
03:40Sorry, but I'm not gonna bend over and let them bleed us dry with their cockamamie $2 sewage fees,
03:45a.k.a. funding our CEO's private plane to Epstein Island.
03:48So all of this is over a $2 fee?
03:51No, Tammy, it's the principal.
03:53They're rippin' off all this hard-working people by chargin' us for somethin' that should be free.
03:57Oh, yeah, cause you're workin' so hard these days.
04:00Actually, thanks to you, B.I., I got the time to stand up to those greedy corporate bastards.
04:05Oh, come on.
04:06How many times I gotta do this?
04:08See, they know they're the only game in town so they don't have to give a crap about customer service.
04:12Believe me, once I get this well up and runnin', we're not gonna have to deal with any of this
04:16nonsense.
04:16Hon, do you have any idea how hard it is to pump your own water?
04:20You're gonna give up in two hours.
04:21Yeah, no chance.
04:22I'm not stoppin' until we are liberated from big water.
04:25Mark, in five to seven business days, the water's gonna be runnin' again,
04:29and you'll be on to your next charade.
04:30In five days, we'll be drinkin' fresh well water, cause I'm diggin' us to freedom.
04:35You mean, Hank?
04:36No, I loosen the lid, all right?
04:38Oh, right.
04:39Damn it!
04:40Hey, hon, if you get a chance, can you, uh, pick up some bottled water?
04:49Ridiculous.
04:50This thing costs half the water bill.
04:51The whole water industry's a scam.
04:53Yo, how we doin', bud?
04:54I don't know.
04:55Pretty tired.
04:56Oh, yeah, that's cause you're usin' your back.
04:58Gotta bend the knees, okay?
05:00The power's in your legs.
05:01So how much further down we gotta go?
05:02That's just like at the beach.
05:03We gotta go until we hit water.
05:05Yeah, it's just, uh, you know, this dirt's harder than it looks.
05:08I think I might be at the core or somethin'.
05:10You're not at the core, okay?
05:11That's, like, at least a thousand feet down.
05:13You know, if you wanna get serious,
05:15I got a guy who can hook you up with an industrial-grade auger drill.
05:18Okay, this thing'll get you to China-Faster than a Concorde.
05:21Nah, this is what it's all about.
05:22Outside, on a beautiful day,
05:24working with our hands,
05:26all for a higher purpose.
05:27Ain't that right, Hank?
05:31Uh, yeah, let me get that drill.
05:33Thank you for calling the Glanton County Water Company.
05:36Your call is important to us.
05:38Did you know the Glanton County Water Company
05:40has been providing clean, reliable water
05:43to South Jersey residents since 1952?
05:46We're proud of our decades-long...
05:47...long commitment to our community.
05:50Yeah, yeah.
05:51Thank you for calling the Glanton County Water Company.
05:53My name's Alex.
05:53How may I help you today?
05:54Ah, finally, a human.
05:56Hey, Alex.
05:57So, earlier today, my water got shut off,
06:00and now I'm trying to pay my bill on the portal,
06:02but my husband misspelled his e-mail address,
06:04and now I can't log in.
06:05Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Tammy.
06:07So you want to pay your outstanding balance?
06:09Yes, thank you.
06:10My pleasure.
06:11So, for all billing-related issues,
06:12please visit our new online portal at www.gcwc.com.
06:16No, no, no, no, no, no.
06:17I tried that.
06:17I can't log in.
06:19That's what I just tried to explain to you.
06:21One moment, please.
06:22No, no, no, no, no, no.
06:23Alex!
06:23Did you know that by switching to Alex,
06:26our AI-powered representative...
06:28Oh, man, you ready?
06:29Let's do it.
06:35What the hell, Mark?
06:36Are you nuts?
06:38Relax, Tam.
06:39It's totally under control.
06:50Hank, you good?
06:51You see any water?
06:52Uh, no, just a bunch of mud.
06:55Wait, mud?
06:56Yeah, that means water, dude.
06:58Keep digging.
06:58Hmm.
07:00Wait.
07:02Uh, yep, uh, we got water.
07:05Yeah, let's go.
07:07Here we go.
07:08Oh, no.
07:15Damn, dude, I thought the digging was the hard part.
07:18All right, here we go, Murph.
07:19Our first taste of victory.
07:22Unfiltered, 100% free,
07:24South Jersey water,
07:26straight from my own well.
07:28Here we go.
07:29Yeah, uh,
07:30I don't know, Mark,
07:31looking a little, uh,
07:32discolored, yeah?
07:33Nah, this is,
07:34that's all the good stuff,
07:35yeah, like the raw minerals.
07:36That's actually what water used to look like
07:38before we started putting all the, uh, chemicals
07:40and crap in it.
07:42Ah, that's a taste of freedom right there.
07:48Hey, Mark, you ready for the next bucket?
07:56Ooh.
07:57Hmm.
08:00All right, so I just need some kind of pumping system into the house.
08:03Can you rig something up for me?
08:04I mean, I can try,
08:05but it ain't gonna be pretty.
08:07Might want to call a, uh, plumbing contractor, Mark.
08:09Nah, nah, nah, dude.
08:10They got out here at all these kinds of codes and regulations and crap.
08:13Half the fun of going off the grid
08:14is that there's no rules about, like, water pressure and stuff.
08:17Come on.
08:17Help me out here, Artie.
08:18How much pressure are we talking about here, Mark?
08:20I don't know.
08:21Max?
08:22Man, this is dumb as hell.
08:25All right, I'm gonna need about 400 feet of 3-inch PVC and fins,
08:29200 rolls of duct tape,
08:30and a 30-rack of thing ice.
08:32Yo, let's go!
08:37Oh, we're gonna be here all day at this rate.
08:39I know.
08:40My appointment was two hours ago.
08:42Wait, I need an appointment?
08:44Only if you want to skip that line.
08:46Oh, you gotta be frickin' kidding me.
08:52Yeah, how we looking, Artie?
08:53I gotta get this thing up and running
08:54before Tammy gets the water back on.
08:56All right, she'll be good to go.
08:57Go for Hank.
08:58Good, uh, you got Hank, uh, copy.
09:00Yeah, how we looking down there?
09:02Looking good.
09:03All right, we're gonna fire it up.
09:04Uh, Roger Rabbit.
09:07Ooh, cave dog.
09:09Nice.
09:10Hey there, little guy.
09:12Man, if you weren't so cute, I'd probably eat you.
09:16Ooh.
09:26All right, here goes nothing.
09:33Yo!
09:38Whoa there.
09:40Oh, if you want this...
09:43Mm, pretty good.
09:45Hey, yo, Hank, we're about to fire up the sprinklers.
09:47You want to come up and see this?
09:48Uh, no thanks.
09:49I'm good.
09:52Oh, yeah.
09:54Okay, uh, here we go.
09:56Zone one.
10:00What the hell?
10:03Oh, man.
10:04Sick, dude.
10:05Holy crap.
10:10Ah, damn it.
10:17Yes?
10:17Yeah, where you at?
10:18I'm in line at the water company.
10:20Oh, yeah?
10:20Well, you might want to come back because we are fully operational.
10:24Oh, my God.
10:25Did you flood the house?
10:26No.
10:26I'm thinking about putting in a moat.
10:28Maybe a little koi pond, a little water feature action out at the water is free.
10:33Baby.
10:34Oh, Mark, that looks disgusting.
10:36That come from a swamp?
10:37Oh, you mean this chemical-free mineral water straight from the tap?
10:40Do not drink that.
10:42That's good stuff, Tam.
10:45Oh, Mark, this is insanity.
10:47Oh, please.
10:48People have been drinking water like this for millions of years.
10:50Yeah, when life expectancy was 30.
10:53Are you kidding me?
10:54Noah lived to, like, 700 years old, which is how old you're going to be, by the way,
10:58by the time you're done standing in that line.
11:00Real easy, huh?
11:01Oh, boy.
11:02Uh, you know, Tam, actually, I'm going to jump.
11:04I'm not feeling so hot.
11:05I think I might have spent too much time out in the sun.
11:08Mark, you okay?
11:10Ugh.
11:15Yo, excuse me.
11:17I'm trying to give you money.
11:19It shouldn't be this hard.
11:20Ma'am, for all billing-related inquiries, you just have...
11:22Use the portal.
11:23Yeah, yeah.
11:24Except I can't log in, because your stupid website won't send me the email to reset my freaking
11:29username.
11:30Have you checked your spam folder, ma'am?
11:34Uh, yep.
11:36Okay, there it is.
11:44Hey, Wanda!
11:45Tammy Hoagies.
11:46You turn my water off?
11:48Ma'am, I just followed my work orders.
11:50No, no, I'm not mad.
11:51I know you're just doing your job.
11:53You don't make the rules.
11:54But here's the thing.
11:55I just paid my bill, and I really need the water turned on.
11:59Like, now.
12:00Are you trying to bribe me?
12:03Yes.
12:03What's it gonna take for you to just come over and turn the damn thingy on?
12:0620 bucks?
12:0750?
12:08100?
12:08Look.
12:09Ha-ha.
12:10Couple Benjis for you.
12:11Look.
12:11Huh?
12:11Huh?
12:12How do you like that?
12:12Ma'am, I'm not trying to lose my benefits.
12:14I'll be there in five to seven business days.
12:17In five to seven business days, we won't be customers anymore because my maniac husband
12:21is on a mission to make us water independent.
12:24Oh, I wouldn't recommend that.
12:26You think?
12:26That's why I need you to come over and turn my frickin' water back on.
12:29I'm begging you, woman to woman.
12:32All right, ma'am.
12:33I hear you.
12:34Thank you, Wanda.
12:35And I'll see you in five to seven days.
12:40Oh!
12:41Even the frickin' people are robots.
12:44Oh, I am so sick of this crap.
12:47Let's see how you like it when I come to your home.
12:50Wanda.
12:54All right, Mr. Hoagies.
12:56I have to ask.
12:57Have you been kissing your dog on the rectum?
13:00Uh, no.
13:01What?
13:02Well, your stool tests came back positive for Giardia, Capulobacter, and a handful of
13:07other things I've only read in medical textbooks, like Cestioides Salsiformis.
13:11Uh, English, please.
13:12Sausage flukes.
13:13A parasitic worm, thought to be eradicated in the early 1900s.
13:17Huh.
13:18That's weird, because I'm, like, living real healthy right now.
13:20No soda, been working outside, getting that vitamin D, and I'm only drinking fresh water
13:25from my own well in the backyard.
13:27Hmm.
13:28How are you treating the well water?
13:30Uh, I'm pretty nice to it.
13:31No, no, no.
13:32Are you treating your well water for parasites, like cleaning it with chemicals?
13:37Ah, hell no.
13:37I'm keeping it pure, baby.
13:39I don't want any of that fluoride crap.
13:41Whoop.
13:41Uh, that slipped right out.
13:43Guess I got a little case of the black gum.
13:45I'm gonna prescribe you some antiparasitics and antibiotics.
13:49If you plan to continue drinking that well water, you're gonna need a robust purification
13:53and water treatment system.
13:54Okay, well, that sounds like a major pain in the ass.
13:57Yeah, well, so is dying of dysentery.
13:59Okay, well, what are my other options?
14:00You could just get your water from the water company like a normal person.
14:04I see.
14:05Hmm.
14:08Whew.
14:08Hey, Mark, you got mud all over the back of your pants.
14:11Yeah, that's, uh, definitely just mud.
14:15Yo, Hank, uh, I'm dropping some chlorine down so we can get this water treated.
14:19Yo, Hank, you copy?
14:22Hank?
14:23Oh, man, this is the life.
14:27Infinity hotballs.
14:29Don't mind if I do.
14:32I feel tingly.
14:39Ooh, did I make you?
14:42Welcome to the world, little guy.
14:44I'm your dad.
14:46Or, uh, maybe mom?
14:50All right, coming down, dude.
14:52Yep.
14:53Up.
14:54Oh.
14:54Ah.
14:55Yeah.
14:57Ooh.
14:57Ah.
14:58Hank, you good, dude?
15:00Yo, Hank.
15:09It's the circle of life.
15:15Whoa.
15:16Holy crap, Hank.
15:17Yo, you okay, dude?
15:18Living a dream.
15:19I'm a hot dog mommy.
15:23Uh, yeah, so those are, uh, parasites, Hank.
15:27Sausage flukes, uh, I think they may have got into your brain, so, uh, I'm gonna go ahead
15:31and smoke them out with this chlorine.
15:34Yeah, take that.
15:35Oh, my baby.
15:36Hank, come on, stop screwing around, dude.
15:37I gotta chlorinate this well water and get up to the surface pronto, okay?
15:40I got a guy coming by to give me a quote on some dancing fountains for the front yard.
15:44Yo, did you hear that?
15:47What is that stench?
15:53Holy crap, dude.
15:55Oh, hello.
15:57Haven't had visitors in ages.
15:59Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
16:02Yeah, what?
16:08Damn, yo, look at his setup, dude.
16:09You got, like, torches, you got the rock stove.
16:12Nice, man.
16:12Yo, is that a DVD player?
16:13I charge it with a small solar panel I have hidden on a tree behind the shopping center.
16:19Cool.
16:19Are those, uh, real carrots or some kind of parasite?
16:22Oh, they're real carrots, all right.
16:24Here, eat one.
16:26Grown in fertilizer, made from my real poop.
16:31Whew, you really got this, got this whole thing figured out, huh?
16:34I've had 30 years to perfect my craft.
16:37Wait, did you say you've been living down here for 30 years?
16:3930 years of freedom.
16:41No taxes, no rules, no water company.
16:45And it all started with a well.
16:48Nice, uh, I'm actually a newly water independent myself.
16:52Ah, congratulations, my friend.
16:54Soon you too will know the joy of complete self-sufficiency.
16:57Yeah, I don't know.
16:59It's turned out to be more of a pain in the butt than I thought.
17:01It's like, apparently you gotta treat the water with chlorine and whatnot.
17:04Ha, ha, well, there's a bit more to it than that.
17:06You've also gotta filter it and test it daily.
17:15Oh, jeez, seems a little involved.
17:17Oh, sure is, but it's well worth it.
17:19And it's really not that hard.
17:21Here, let me show you how it's done.
17:23Hit it, Stevie Under!
17:26I trained him to play in my limited spare time.
17:31Sourcing your own water can be a lot of fun.
17:34But it's gonna take some sacrifice to make that faucet run.
17:38There are pathogens, particulates, and chemicals galore.
17:41But if you follow all these steps, you can kick them out the door.
17:47First, pre-filter out the sediment, the sand and the debris.
17:50You'll wanna keep your sewage separate or you're drinking poop and pee.
17:54Any surface pipes need insulation just in case it snows.
17:57And check your radiation levels or you two might lose your nose.
18:01You really don't miss it, though.
18:02It's purely aesthetic.
18:03Hey, Mark, this could be you someday.
18:06Now let's move on to my favorite phase.
18:10Disinfection, pH balance, and UV rays.
18:13Repay yourself, this part's a little more involved.
18:16In fact, some might even say it's why my marriage dissolved.
18:23You've got...
18:24War on nation, no zone nation, sterilizing radiation!
18:29Hey, wait, where'd you go?
18:32Guys?
18:34Hey, hey, hey, guys, I've still got seven more verses.
18:37Where you going?
18:37Yeah, I actually, uh, gotta go pay the water bill, so...
18:40Well, what about freedom?
18:42Come on, stay here with me.
18:43We can live off the grid.
18:45No rules, no taxes, no age of consent.
18:49Oh, yeah, we're good, dude.
18:52Let's see how you like it when someone comes to your house
18:55and messes with your water.
18:59What the hell are you doing?
19:01Oh, hi, Wanda.
19:02Just smashing your water line.
19:05My power's out!
19:07Yeah, I think I hit the wrong one.
19:10Mom, why is it dark?
19:12I'm trying to study.
19:14I know, baby, I know.
19:14One sec, okay?
19:15Grandpa can't breathe.
19:16His machine's not working.
19:18Just go get my hand cranked.
19:20And honey, you go call 911.
19:24Hey, Mark.
19:25How's the well?
19:25Yeah, I don't think I'm really an off-the-grid kind of guy,
19:28if I'm being honest.
19:28Oh, it's okay.
19:29Don't give up.
19:30You got this.
19:31And, um, you kind of need to,
19:34because it might be a little more than five to seven business days.
19:36Ugh, so how long are we talking here?
19:38Uh, maybe never?
19:41No, Hank.
19:42Go take your parasite medicine.
19:44Okay.
19:46Uh-oh.
19:47Uh, yeah.
19:48Might need a plan C.
19:52Hurry up, Mark.
19:54David's putting on his running shoes.
19:55Hey, you're the one who wants to take a bath.
19:57Oh, my God.
19:59Wanda?
20:01Hey, Wanda.
20:03I didn't think you'd actually, you know...
20:05Just doing my job.
20:07Well, uh, thank you, and sorry about the, uh, you know...
20:11Okay.
20:12Yo, uh, ma'am, I just want to let you know, uh,
20:14I really appreciate the service you provide, so...
20:16I don't care.
20:19Okay.
20:20Your water's back on.
20:21Oh, thank you so much.
20:22Hell yeah, you're the best, ma'am.
20:23There's going to be a $25 reactivation fee on your next bill.
20:27$25 bucks?
20:28Are you kidding me?
20:29That's ridiculous.
20:29Took like five seconds.
20:38All right, Stevie.
20:40Looks like it's just me and you again.
20:42Why don't you hop on the horse teeth and play us the sad song?
20:47That's another friend gone, so it's just me and you.
20:52But that's fine with me, we've got plenty to do.
20:56Couldn't be better friends than you and me.
21:00A pale freakish ghoul and a rat that can't see.
21:07Wait a moment.
21:09Ah, looks like our friends left us a little gift.
21:13Pretty nice piece of machinery.
21:16Let's test this bad boy out, huh?
21:25Whoa.
21:27Glantontown has really changed.
21:36You
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