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00:02Americano for Dave'd.
00:03David.
00:04Thanks.
00:08Yeah, Dave.
00:09Oh, hey.
00:11Didn't pick you as books and beans, guys.
00:12Yeah, now, I'm more of a woe woe's guy,
00:14but come here for the special dessert drinks.
00:16I didn't know they did those.
00:17Yeah, gotta order off menu.
00:19Don't make anything, though.
00:20Watch this.
00:21Yeah, let me get a large ice mocha animal style
00:23with six pumps of caramel and a scone blended into it.
00:27Uh, sorry, I can't do that.
00:29Wait, what are you talking about?
00:30You guys do that for me all the time.
00:32New ownership.
00:32Different policies.
00:33New ownership?
00:34Yeah, we were bought out by Bluestar.
00:36Yuck!
00:37Oh, what's Bluestar?
00:39Some corporate chain from Dallas.
00:40They're a soulless, inauthentic corporate monstrosity.
00:44From Dallas.
00:47Dude, no.
00:49Yo, are you freaking kidding me?
00:51Cowboys cockroaches taking over our local coffee shop?
00:54Yo, this is Eagles country, dude.
00:56Uh, can I get the keys to the bathroom?
00:58No, Hank.
00:58What?
00:59Why?
01:00Because Dallas sucks.
01:01They're a giant corporation now.
01:02Ugh.
01:03This place is ruined.
01:04Let's get the hell out of here.
01:05Dallas sucks.
01:06Dallas sucks.
01:07Corporate conglomerates suck.
01:08They freaking suck.
01:09Dallas sucks.
01:10Shout out to independent ownership.
01:12Dallas sucks.
01:12Yeah, get out of here, Dave.
01:13Hi, can I report a disturbance?
01:15Wait, don't call.
01:15We're leaving.
01:16Sorry.
01:16Bunch of sellouts.
01:17Bunch of dollars.
01:19Well, I used to work in a hot thought factory.
01:22Until them robots came along.
01:24And now there is no doubt for me.
01:26But I get 3,000 bucks a month.
01:28Thanks to UVI.
01:32Now we're universal basic guys
01:36It may not sound like much, but we're still gonna try
01:41We're just universal basic guys
01:49Screw the cowboys, bunch of entitled jerks
01:52So-called America's team thinks they can colonize South Jersey
01:56Not on my watch
01:57Books and Beans was the one place that reminded me of Park Slope
02:00And now it's gone
02:01Dude, we should start our own coffee shop right here in a garage
02:05Hmm, that would feel very underground chic
02:08Wow, this is actually pretty good, Mark
02:10Where are these beans from?
02:11Oh, there's some local beans
02:13Oh, look at you, Mark Hoagies, with the locally sourced beans
02:16I got them at the, uh, WoWo's on Route 70
02:19Ew, God, yuck
02:20Dude, what's the big deal? WoWo's got solid beans
02:23Mark, we're not running an AA meeting, okay?
02:25We can't serve gas station coffee
02:28Wow, how dare you, David?
02:30WoWo's is not a gas station
02:31It's a beloved regional convenience store chain that also sells gas
02:36Let me put this in terms you'll understand
02:37Do you want to beat Dallas?
02:39Uh, yes, obviously
02:40Then we need to find an authentic farm-to-cup bean source
02:43And there's no better place than a farmer's market
02:46Yeah, that dude over there looks pretty legit
02:48Holy hundred years of solitude jackpot!
02:51Hola, buen señor, estamos interesados en su café
02:54You want coffee?
02:55Si
02:55¿De dónde son sus granos?
02:57The beans are from my family farm in Colombia
03:00Special golden beans
03:02You only find them in a very small region
03:06Ah, eso es hermoso
03:08Dave, what are we doing here?
03:09The guy clearly speaks English
03:11I'm being respectful
03:12Uh, not to me
03:14Best coffee you will ever drink
03:16We'll see about that, pal, okay?
03:17You ever try WoWo's Holiday Blend?
03:19That sounds disgusting
03:23Holy moly
03:24Dude, this is unreal
03:25Oh my god, this is the best coffee I've ever had
03:29We'll take it all
03:31Nice, Davey
03:32This looks pretty classy, dude
03:33It's like a cheesecake factory in here
03:35Thanks
03:35If there's one thing I know
03:36It's pretentious coffee shops
03:38Hey, Mark, uh
03:39These earrings are kind of heavy
03:41Can I take them out, or?
03:42No, no, Hank
03:42You're the cool hipster barista guy, okay?
03:44It's an essential part of the look
03:46Nice ink, man
03:47Oh, thanks
03:47Yeah, yeah
03:48I drew them myself
03:49Uh, what's going on here?
03:51It's a coffee shop
03:52We're taking a stand for the culture of Glantontown
03:54You want to get in on this?
03:55Yeah, our staff could use a little feminine energy
03:57Sorry, but the last thing I want to do after a long shift is work another job
04:01I want to open a bottle of wine and watch reruns of Friends
04:04Yeah, forget Friends, okay?
04:05You got Central Perk right here in the garage
04:07Lexi, he said it
04:08No, he did not
04:09Stop
04:10He told me he loves me
04:11Like, full eye contact
04:13Dramatic pause
04:14It was so real
04:16It felt fake
04:17He anchored it, Sophie
04:19He wanted you to feel it
04:20That is full-on emotional primacy
04:22I knew it
04:23I knew Jalen was too monocoded for our polycule
04:26Polycule?
04:28Uh, excuse me?
04:29Oh, um, I'm just
04:31I work here
04:32Just, you know, doing barista things
04:34Don't mind me
04:36Yeah, David, how awesome is this, dude?
04:38We got the friggin' cultural hub of Glantontown right here in my garage
04:42Yeah
04:42Hey, who knew we could make such a good team?
04:44Yeah, that's right, dude
04:46Suck it, Blue Star
04:47Hey, Mark, uh
04:48We're down to the last sack of beans
04:50Wait, already?
04:51Damn, we're really moving some product
04:52I'm gonna go make a beans run
04:55What do you mean the guy at the farmer's market is out of beans?
04:58Yeah, he lost contact with his family farm in Columbia
05:01So why was he there?
05:02Was he just sitting in an empty stall?
05:03Uh, nah, he was just, he's selling bee bucks now
05:05He pivoted
05:06God, no!
05:08We're ruined, it's over
05:09Big coffee wins again
05:11All right, yeah, why are you freaking out?
05:12Because we lost our beans, man
05:14They were our lifeblood
05:16We'll never find another bean that good again
05:17Yeah, we don't need to
05:19He gave me the address of his family's farm
05:20We just pop over to Columbia, find a place, and boom
05:23Cut out the middleman
05:24Are you insane?
05:25We can't just pop over to Columbia
05:27Okay, so what's your solution?
05:29You just want to close up shop, give up, and hand Dallas a giant freaking W?
05:34Mark, I don't spontaneously go on trips
05:36I plan them years in advance
05:38Meticulously pouring over restaurant reviews
05:40Finding authentic but safe cultural things to do
05:43All right, then, plan B
05:45All right, fine, let's do it
05:48Hell yeah, we're going to Columbia
05:56Damn, David, you're like a walking REI store over there
05:58I'm going to take that as a compliment
05:59Because I like to be prepared for things and comfortable
06:02Oh, yo, check it out, dude
06:03We got to rent mopeds
06:04No, we're not driving in South America
06:06It's way too dangerous
06:08Uh, that's half the fun of being in a third world country
06:10Mark, shh
06:11That's disrespectful
06:13It's a developing country with an emerging economy
06:16We're taking a taxi
06:17Taxi
06:17Ugh, boring
06:21Este es un país hermoso
06:23Gracias
06:24You from America?
06:26Si
06:26Gracias
06:27See, Mark, this guy's a local
06:29He knows how to safely get us to, uh
06:31Wait, did you give him a destination?
06:33Uh, was I supposed to?
06:34Oh, God
06:35Give me all your money
06:39That's why whenever I travel
06:41I always carry a decoy wallet
06:42Wait, you had a decoy wallet with $300 in it?
06:45Well, it's got to be convincing
06:46All right, well, now we're doing it my way
06:49Ugh
06:50So I guess Jalen told that girl Sophie he loves her
06:52Which is a total no-no in their polycule
06:55Polycule?
06:56Well, we're all sort of, like, dating each other
06:57But at different levels or something
06:59God, I love having a coffee shop
07:01This new generation is fascinating
07:03It's like they have a million rules
07:05But also no rules at all
07:06You know what I mean?
07:07Uh, no
07:08Hey, how you guys doing?
07:09Oh, no
07:10Got a real, uh, John Kruk vibe going on
07:13Oh, hey, Murph
07:14Hey, boss, what's going on here?
07:15You leading a, uh, communist revolution or something?
07:18Would you keep it down, Murph?
07:19This is a judgment-free zone
07:21Just saying, real melting pot you got over here, uh
07:23Got all the colors of the rainbow
07:25I'm into it
07:26You gonna order a drink or what?
07:27Yeah, let me get a, uh, large coffee
07:29Half cream on the house
07:30You want that coffee to go?
07:32Nah, I'm good
07:33I'm actually gonna
07:34I'm gonna mingle
07:37How's it going, ladies?
07:38Oh, he's gonna mess it all up
07:40Whoa!
07:41Whoa!
07:42What?
07:43What the hell?
07:43Stop swerving
07:4510 and 2
07:46Or whatever the moped equivalent is
07:48Dude, that's the whole point of a moped
07:49To cut through traffic
07:50There's no traffic
07:51We've seen, like, four cars in the last hour
07:53Ooh, David, look
07:54Uh, wild bananas
07:55Yes, it's very beautiful
07:56Please pay attention to the road
07:57Yeah, David, David, you see that?
07:59Oh, man, it's freaking funky
08:00Eating a banana in a banana tree, yo
08:02It does not get more classic than that
08:04It does not get more classic
08:06Mark, look out!
08:07Oh, crap!
08:13Classic
08:15So let me ask you something
08:16Uh, you guys meet on the, uh, the grinder app?
08:18Oh, no, we met through a mutual friend
08:20You guys look, uh, you got a top and a bottom
08:23Or is that just for the men?
08:24Oh, God
08:24Um, it's complicated
08:26We gotta get him out of here
08:27Wait, but I thought you said it was a judgment-free zone
08:30Well, it's a some judgment zone
08:32He's being inappropriate and creeping people out
08:34Yeah, I just, uh, wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, though
08:38Hmm
08:40Oh, man, that bus is crowded, dude
08:42Must be a popular hiking spot
08:44Yeah, I don't think they're hiking for fun, Mark
08:46I think these are migrants looking for a better life
08:48All right, so, where is this place?
08:50We're just going straight that way
08:52I thought you said we're going to Caporgana
08:54Yeah, and then we just go a little bit into the jungle
08:56I'm sorry, what?
08:57Mark, that isn't just any jungle
08:59It's the Darien Gap
09:00One of the most dangerous places in the world
09:03Yeah, would you relax, David, okay?
09:04That little kid from a bus is doing it with his whole family, okay?
09:07I'm pretty sure we'll be fine
09:08You're sure you know where you're going?
09:10Uh, yes, David, okay?
09:11The guy gave me very specific instructions
09:13We just head south on a main trail
09:15Cross the first river
09:16Then follow the path on the left
09:17And then pass the large boulder
09:19And then follow the trail that descends into the valley
09:21Until we see a small wooden sign that says
09:23Finca El Grano Dorado
09:24Boom
09:25I can't believe you talked me into this
09:28It all sounded so easy when you said it
09:29I got swept up
09:31Uh, David, if these beans were easy to access
09:33Then they wouldn't be special
09:35Ugh, fine
09:36Well, you better snap some really rugged candids of me
09:42Yeah, what's this?
09:44Uh, congrats on being the first member
09:46Of our friends and family program
09:49As a reward, you will receive free coffee deliveries
09:52All right, thanks, bud
09:54Uh, where are you going?
09:56Uh, I thought I'd, uh, go drink it at your place
09:58Oh, uh, okay
10:01I mean, I shouldn't be surprised
10:02He's always had main character energy
10:05Right?
10:06And now he's literally soft-launching a new hierarchy
10:08But that's not even the worst part
10:10Get this
10:11I checked his location last night
10:14Ooh, baby
10:15Wasn't he at Willow with Max?
10:17No
10:17Stop
10:18Hey, let me, uh, let me ask you something
10:20Oh, come on
10:21So what's with all these pronouns these days?
10:24Is that like a, uh, gender-fluid thing?
10:26Uh, I don't know
10:27It's really just about making sure everyone feels seen and respected
10:31What the hell, Hank?
10:32I mean, I said the stuff
10:34So, like, let's say you got a Siamese twin, okay?
10:36Is that a he?
10:37Or is that a they?
10:39We're gonna need to take drastic measures
10:45How the hell did you get that through airport security?
10:47Nah, I didn't
10:48I bought it from a guy on a bus
10:49You bought it?
10:50I thought you lost all your money
10:51Yeah, I mean, I traded for it
10:52Oh, what'd you trade?
10:54I don't know, one of your medicines
10:55Uh, levithyroxine or something
10:57What?
10:58That's my thyroid medicine
11:00I need that to live
11:01Dude, come on
11:02You have five of them, okay?
11:03Come on, look at this knife, dude
11:04I'm like friggin' Rambo with this thing
11:06Oh, my God
11:06This is ridiculous
11:07We should turn back
11:09Nope, can't do it
11:10Not enough daylight
11:11Gonna have to camp here and regroup in the morning
11:13Ugh, fine
11:15Did you bring a sleeping bag?
11:18Night, Dave
11:19Night
11:21Yeah, this is fun
11:22No, it's not
11:30Ah, ah, ah, ah, what the?
11:33Ah, ah, frogged you, dude
11:35You got frogs
11:36Are you insane?
11:37These are poison dart frogs
11:39Ah, ah, you know
11:41Well, that explains why I'm seeing double
11:43When I can't feel my hands
11:44And why my tongue is swelling up now
11:47God, ow
11:48My face is burning
11:49God, would I kill you, you stupid idiots?
11:52Wait, what was that?
11:55Oh, my God
11:56It's Border Patrol
11:58Help, ayuda
11:59Ayúdame, por favor
12:00Oh, thank God
12:04Well, there goes my second decoy wallet
12:07Wait, that one had $500?
12:08Yeah
12:09It's called being prepared
12:10Something you know nothing about
12:12Oh, spare me, David, okay?
12:13Hey, this is your fault
12:14You really phoned us here
12:15My fault?
12:16Ah, yeah, David
12:17You're the one who asked for help
12:18From a freaking group of guerrilla cartel bandits
12:21Or whatever the hell these guys are
12:22You're the one who took us
12:23Into the world's most dangerous jungle
12:25With a cartoon treasure map
12:26Ah, excuse me
12:27I was fine with woe woes
12:28I didn't need the fancy beans
12:29Yeah, because you people have no taste
12:31Uh, what do you mean by you people?
12:33South Jersey people
12:34You're a bunch of uncultured troglodytes
12:36How are you so close to New York?
12:38Wow, wow
12:39You know what?
12:39You're right
12:40I guess I am pretty dumb
12:41Because I thought
12:42That I could be friends
12:44With a stinking Giants fan
12:46I'm not a Giants fan
12:48I'm not even a football fan
12:49Because football is dumb
12:53You, come with me
12:55All right, well
12:56Guess I'm getting sex trafficked
12:58Yeah, that's definitely why
12:59They kidnapped us, you moron
13:07I'll pull the trigger and
13:09Drop this guy right now
13:10No, no, no
13:10You don't want to do that
13:11Oh, God
13:11You don't want to do that
13:13Mark
13:13Just go with Smith
13:14Because he's going to get more reception
13:16So you can just put him in flats
13:17Yeah
13:17I mean, it's PPR league, right?
13:19You said it's PPR?
13:19Okay
13:20Yeah, then you want to go Smith
13:21Uh, what is happening here?
13:23Oh, I'm just helping him
13:24With our fantasy football draft
13:25Gotta hand it to Goodell, man
13:27I was not sure about
13:28Doing the NFL down in South America
13:30But the game
13:31Clearly is going global
13:32I mean, all these guys are watching
13:33This guy's a Giants fan over here
13:34Can't even say
13:35Like a word of English
13:36But he keeps pointing to the airplane
13:38Gracias
13:40Is this?
13:41Golden beads, baby
13:44Oh, how I missed you
13:47Wait
13:47Is this like a last meal type thing?
13:50No, no, no
13:50We're cool
13:51They're actually going to take us
13:52To the coffee farm
13:52Oh
13:53Wow
13:54Uh, what?
14:03All right
14:03That should keep him out
14:06I don't know
14:06I kind of feel bad about this, Tim
14:08Look
14:09I don't want to do this either
14:10But Hank
14:11We got to make sure
14:12This is a safe space
14:13For our customers
14:14So I talked to Max
14:15And he basically confirmed it
14:18Shut up
14:19Shh, he's here
14:20Hey, Jay
14:21Oh, baby, that's him
14:23That's Jalen, Hank
14:24Uh, who?
14:25Hey, Lex
14:26Hey, Soph
14:27Uh, we need to talk
14:30Yes
14:30Yes
14:31Oh, boy, Tim
14:32Here he comes
14:33So
14:34I know we're trying to be radically honest with each other
14:37But I kind of haven't been
14:39Oh, this is a bomb
14:40This is a bomb
14:41Oh, damn
14:42That door's a little tight
14:44Oh, no
14:48Sorry
14:49That was so intense
14:51Hey, you all right, man?
14:52Yeah, yeah, I'm good
14:53Listen, Murph
14:54You can't be here
14:54What do you mean?
14:55I just don't think this is your crowd
14:57You're making people feel uncomfortable
14:59Oh
15:03All right
15:05Yeah
15:07Message received
15:07I got you
15:12That is so messed up
15:13Yeah, this place is high-key ableist
15:15Their coffee's not even good anymore
15:17Do you guys want to go to, like, Books and Beans?
15:19Yes
15:19Yeah, let's get out of here
15:21Wait, no, Jalen, come on
15:22What was your secret?
15:23I need to know
15:24No
15:25Come back
15:28Listen, Mark
15:29I'm sorry I said all that stuff about South Jersey
15:31Honestly, it's not like I had any real friends in Brooklyn
15:34Oh, wow
15:34So you're saying, uh, we're, uh, real friends
15:36Yeah
15:37I guess I am
15:38What'd I tell you
15:39Nothing bonds bros
15:41More than a little jungle adventure action
15:44Hey
15:45Uh
15:46Uh
15:56Damn, dude, I think we got a predator situation
15:58Corre, corre
15:59Ha, David, you believe that?
16:01The guy's name is Corey
16:01No, Mark, it means run
16:04God
16:12Oh, God
16:13This bridge looks, uh, not to code
16:15Come on, David, that's just your anxiety talking, dude
16:18It's totally fine
16:19Ready?
16:19Look
16:19See, this is like a classic construction with the robes and the little pieces of wood
16:23This is like, actually, the sturdiest bridge
16:25But they don't build them like this anymore because they're trying to save money
16:28So stop doing that
16:29Oh, God, I know what's gonna happen
16:31I'm gonna take one step and then the entire bridge is gonna collapse
16:34All right, well, have fun getting blasted by that, uh, predator alien thing
16:48Hey, yo, Jingle Bells
16:50You okay down there?
16:51Ah
16:53I think so
16:55Here, watch
16:56Yeah
16:56Uh
16:58Ow
16:58Hey, David, check it out
17:00Yeah, I guess we, uh
17:01I guess we got turned around at some point
17:04Ooh
17:04Clark
17:32Concee me
17:46Where are you headed?
17:55Holy crap.
18:11I'm sorry, buddy.
18:22I'm sorry, buddy.
18:24Frogged you.
18:33What the hell?
18:42What?
18:43I'm sorry, again, about this mix-up.
18:45We're still cleaning this place up, you know, there's a lot of gorillas, gangs, whatnot.
18:49Hey, those guys were cool dudes.
18:50Mark?
18:51Yeah.
18:51Well, the locals aren't too thrilled about the acquisition, so they can get a little frisky.
18:55Whoa there, Jingle Bells, wasn't expecting to see you here.
18:58Uh, what's going on?
18:59What's up, bro? Bioluminescent kombucha?
19:02Oh, what happened to my exosuit?
19:05Exosuit?
19:05Yeah, dude. Predacore exosuit prototype.
19:08It is the optimal techware for those who want to dominate the jungle.
19:11Oh, okay. I don't care. Who are you?
19:13VJ!
19:14Yeah, he's actually the, uh, SVP of product at Blue Store.
19:17Wait, what?
19:18We operate all the coffee farms in this region now?
19:20Have you tried these golden beans? Dude, they're sick, bro.
19:23Yeah, it looks like, uh, we gotta take the L on this one, pal.
19:26But, uh, it's alright, dude. We'll beat the cowboys on the field, you know?
19:29No.
19:30No.
19:31No!
19:32No!
19:34What?
19:34Oh!
19:35Dude, get off me! I thought we were vibing!
19:37No, we aren't vibing. You know who I vibe with? The local, independent, artisanal coffee shops that scumbags like you
19:46are screwing over.
19:47Damn, David. What the hell's gone into you?
19:49South Jersey, bitch. So you better unfranchise my favorite coffee shop, or I'm gonna turn your head into salted caramel
19:55cold foam.
19:56Dude, bro, listen! I would if I could, but I don't work in franchise dev!
20:00Ugh! Fine. Then you're gonna take down all that cowboy's crap and put up a bunch of eagle's crap.
20:06Alright, alright. I'll talk to my guy and brand experience.
20:10Whew! Damn, Jingle Bells. That was savage, dude. You're over here beating dudes' asses. I figured you'd be halfway back
20:16to the airport by now.
20:17No way! I'm not leaving the jungle without my best friend.
20:20Uh, yeah. Well, we're not best friends. But, yeah.
20:28Ooh, this looks cute.
20:29Oh, man. Look at all those eagle streaks.
20:31Nah, it's all about the golden beans, baby. Yo, Dave, uh, you want a large, uh, golden, bro?
20:36No, thanks. I'm good. I prefer local beans.
20:40Huh?
20:41Yo.
20:42Hey, Merv. Listen. I'm really sorry about everything.
20:46Ah, it's all good, Dave. It's water under the bridge.
20:48I want you to know that you're always welcome at our house.
20:51That include, uh, 24-hour use of the hot tub?
20:53Okay, don't push it.
20:54My guy! What's up?
20:56Yo, Jay Money. You good?
20:58Yeah, man. I just want to say thank you. Our talk yesterday meant a lot to me.
21:02All good, bud. Whenever you need to talk, you know where to find me.
21:06For sure. Can I grab you a drink?
21:08Ah, appreciate it. Yeah, let me get a, uh, Jordan My Latte. No milk.
21:12You got it.
21:12Wait, are you guys, like, friends?
21:15Yeah, I mean, hey, let's just say I got that safe space energy.
21:18Oh, my God. Okay, so, what was his big secret?
21:20Yeah, sorry, Dan, but, uh, violating the relational confidentiality goes against the trust structure of the QL.
21:29Ah!
21:32Uh...
21:34Uh...
21:35Uh.
21:37Well done.
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