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00:04Ooh, hon, what do you think of this?
00:06Uh, it's a spoon, Dan. We've got tons of spoons.
00:08I think it's nice. Could be worth a lot of money.
00:11100% lead. Ugh. Oh, God.
00:14Yo, check it out, Hank. It's like a metal duck.
00:17Quack, quacks.
00:17Oh, no, it's got my nose. Ah!
00:19That's actually an antique gynecological speculum.
00:25Yo, hon, you ready to get out of here?
00:27Come on, five more minutes.
00:28I'm trying to find a hidden gem like them folks on Antiques Roadshow.
00:32Oh, wow. This is nice. Might be valuable.
00:35Dan, are you kidding me?
00:36Who the hell wants to look at a painting of a creepy old barn?
00:38I'm getting sad just looking at it.
00:41Mark, they got animals outside.
00:44Oh, dude. Yo, Hank, they got animals.
00:45Oh, hell yeah.
00:48Yeah, dude, this horse is no joke, man.
00:50This is a real friggin' horse.
00:52Oh, hey there, horsey.
00:54Uh, you want to try?
00:56Oh, thanks, yeah.
00:57Uh, no, no, for the horse.
01:00Oh, oops.
01:01Here you go, horsey.
01:02Man, he loves apples, huh?
01:04Oh, yes, but, uh, it's, uh, just for treat.
01:07Oh, they give him gas.
01:09Yo, damn, dude, that's like a beautiful animal right there.
01:12Look at those glutes, dude. Unreal.
01:13Ah, this horse is very powerful.
01:16You ever race it?
01:17No, just pull the seed wagon.
01:20Huh.
01:21Ryan, they got frickin' Seabiscuit out here workin' the field, dude.
01:24You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
01:26Three hundred.
01:28Three hundred?
01:29Hey, man, great doin' business with ya, all right?
01:31Oh, no.
01:33Mark Hoagies, please tell me you did not buy a horse.
01:36No, I did not buy a horse.
01:38Oh, okay.
01:39You scared me.
01:40Hank and I bought it together.
01:44Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory
01:47Until them robots came along
01:49And now there is no doubt for me
01:51But I get three thousand bucks a month
01:53Thanks to UVI
01:58Now we're Universal Basic Guys
02:01It may not sound like much
02:03But we're still gonna try
02:06We're just Universal Basic Guys
02:15Do you like, uh, hay?
02:17I hear it's for horses.
02:19No?
02:20Wait, do you mean yes, or does the nay mean nay?
02:24Yeah, how's our boy doin'?
02:26He's pretty good, Mark.
02:27I was thinkin', uh, maybe we can name him Mr. Ed.
02:29No, we're not callin' him Mr. Ed.
02:31Come on.
02:31Uh, why not?
02:32Copyright issues.
02:33I'm thinkin', we call him Hoagie Jones
02:35As an homage to Smarty Jones
02:38The Greatest Horse in Philadelphia History
02:40Ugh, Mark, can we talk?
02:42Come on, Tam.
02:43I thought you liked horses.
02:45Yeah, everybody does.
02:46But there's a difference between liking horses
02:48And having one live in your garage.
02:50I'm tellin' you, Tam,
02:51I got a feelin' about this horse, okay?
02:52It's frickin' jacked.
02:53This thing is an investment.
02:55It's gonna pay off big time.
02:56Tell me the last good investment you made.
02:58How's that plot of land in the metaverse
03:00Workin' out for ya?
03:01Actually, I'm riding the dip, Tam.
03:02And by the way, this is pretty rich
03:04Comin' from the woman who just paid $300
03:06For some random painting of a barn.
03:08Actually, I've been doin' some research
03:10And I think it's an Andrew Wyeth.
03:12Could be worth millions.
03:13Oh, yeah?
03:13Well, when our horse wins a triple crown,
03:15Maybe you could buy an actual Andrew Wyeth.
03:18For all you know, that thing could be a mule.
03:20Well, we're gonna find out soon.
03:21I got my expert comin' by to take a look.
03:24Oh, would you look at that?
03:25I believe my horse-racing aficionado has arrived.
03:28So where's the pony?
03:31Looks like a legit thoroughbred you got here.
03:33Boom.
03:33You hear that, Tam?
03:34Yeah, but that don't mean he can win a race.
03:36Ah, come on, dude.
03:37Look at his gams, dude.
03:38He's obviously explosive.
03:39Well, uh, won't know for sure
03:41Until we see him run.
03:42What are you doin' down there, Hank?
03:44Oh, I'm, uh, teachin' him how to talk
03:45Like, uh, monkey.
03:47Watch this.
03:47Hey, Hoagie Jones.
03:49What do you want for lunch?
03:50Sleep, sleep, poop.
03:52Pretty cool, huh?
03:53He wants poop and two sleeps for lunch.
03:55Uh, yeah, I don't know about this, Hank.
03:58Okay, Hoagie Jones.
03:59See what you got, baby.
04:01Show me those afterburners.
04:10I'm not gonna lie,
04:11That might be the slowest horse I've ever seen.
04:13Ah, damn it.
04:15Who cares if he's slow, Mark?
04:17Uh, I care, Hank.
04:18I mean, what's the point of buying a horse
04:20If it can't race?
04:21I don't know.
04:21Just to have a horse, I guess.
04:23Oh, my God, dude.
04:24Frickin' Tammy's gonna rake me over to Kohl's
04:26When she finds out we paid six grand
04:27For friggin' slowpoke Rodriguez.
04:29Eh, not necessarily, okay?
04:31You can still make a lot of money on a slow pony.
04:33Just gotta bet on it to lose.
04:35Dude, frickin' genius.
04:36I'm in.
04:37Yeah, well, there's one hiccup, okay?
04:38No legit jockey's gonna ride this thing.
04:40I can ride him.
04:41Nah, nah, you're too big.
04:42Gotta be a real tiny little man
04:44Who ain't afraid to slap around a horse.
04:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me see.
04:48Uh, let me get the fried flounder
04:49Double the meat
04:50Throw in a little crab meat on top, will ya?
04:52Also, the prime rib special
04:53With green beans and sweet potato mash.
04:55And, uh, give me a side of steak cut on in-rings.
04:57Well done.
04:58Thank you, sweetheart.
04:59Yeah, what the hell kind of war is that, Steve?
05:00You getting lethal in Jackson tomorrow?
05:02You said you were buying hoogies.
05:03Dude, you're unbelievable.
05:04You're the one that invited me to lunch, pal.
05:06Okay, yeah, well, so you in or what?
05:08Frankly, I'm insulted.
05:10You think just because I'm short
05:11I know how to be a frickin' jockey?
05:13You think my whole family's just full of jockeys
05:15And I can just pop on the saddle
05:17And know what the hell I'm doing?
05:18Nah, I just figure, you know, you...
05:19Well, I got news for you.
05:21You're right.
05:22On my mom's side, there were a lot of jockeys.
05:24My Uncle Joe, my cousin Danny,
05:25And my grandfather, Pippinucci.
05:28Oh, man, he was an all-time jockey.
05:30He rode watercracker in the stakes
05:32Until the horse broke down in the stretch
05:33And it tossed him.
05:34Poor guy faceplanting.
05:36Sent his nose through the back of his head
05:37And put him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
05:40Ever since then, I've hated horses.
05:42Ugly, disgusting, smelly animals.
05:44Yeah, but I know you got that itch, dude.
05:45It's in your blood.
05:46No, I don't have an itch.
05:48I'm not trying to break my collarbone.
05:49I got enough trouble getting back on the saddle after the divorce.
05:52You know girls on date naps can set a height limit?
05:54You believe that?
05:55I'm being discriminated against
05:57Because my resume doesn't even show up in the pile.
05:59Oh, yeah?
06:00Watch this.
06:01Hey, ma'am.
06:02You know my friend here is a pro athlete?
06:03Is that so?
06:04Yeah, he's a jockey.
06:06Cool.
06:06Do you ride in races and stuff?
06:08Oh, yeah.
06:08I ride more than races, sweetheart.
06:11Give me your number.
06:11I'll show you.
06:12Ow.
06:13Okay, well, maybe don't say that.
06:15Dude, that was the closest I've come to getting laid since the divorce.
06:19Screw it.
06:19I'm in.
06:20Yeah, there we go.
06:22Hey, yo, what's with this service?
06:24Are we in France or something?
06:25Where's my frickin' flounders?
06:31All right, how we feeling, Steve?
06:33I'm not gonna lie to you.
06:34Feels kind of right.
06:35Whoa, whoa, there, you idiot.
06:37Save it for the race.
06:38I don't like the way he talks to the horse, Mark.
06:40Hank, the horse has no clue what the hell he's even saying, okay?
06:42It's just one race.
06:43After this, we collect on a bet, flip the thing, and boom.
06:47100% return on investment.
06:48Or we can keep him as a pet.
06:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:51Okay, we'll talk about it later.
06:52Right now, it's race time, baby.
06:54Let's go!
06:57And they're off!
06:58Red Rocket takes an early lead,
07:00mostly followed by Midnight Monday and Martin Horsese neck and neck.
07:04Oh, there we go, Huggy Jones.
07:06Do your thing, buddy.
07:07Nice and slow.
07:09Yo, loser, let's go!
07:11I've seen snails run faster than you.
07:12What, you got brain worms or something?
07:16There we go, you little putts.
07:18Remember, the faster you run, the faster I'm off your bum ass.
07:21And here comes Huggy Jones pushing to the ground with a burst of speed.
07:26Holy moly!
07:27You better run, or I'm gonna mount your head above my bed
07:30so you can watch me make love to your mother.
07:33Whoa, what the hell?
07:34I'm gonna rip out your teeth and use of the tile to backsplash in my kitchen.
07:38Yeah!
07:38Come on!
07:39I'll tell you what, I guess he ain't so slow.
07:41Ha, ha, ha, yeah!
07:42And Huggy Jones takes it in a thrilling heart from behind victory.
07:46Let's go, dude!
07:48Let's go!
07:48All right, well, we just lost a lot of money.
07:51Oh, yeah, but we're about to make a whole lot more, dude.
07:53This horse is a peach.
07:55How about it, Hank?
07:56Let's go!
08:01I guess you.
08:04Not bad, you ugly SOB.
08:06Steve, dude.
08:08Unbelievable, man.
08:09I didn't know you could ride like that.
08:10Thanks, man.
08:11Thing is, you gotta ride them hard, hoagies.
08:13It's how my mother got me to do my homework.
08:15Doesn't work on every horse, but when it does, look out.
08:18Hey, hey!
08:19He didn't do nothing!
08:20Put that thing around my neck!
08:22If this doesn't get me laid, I don't know what will.
08:25Oh, how you feeling, big guy?
08:27Any better?
08:28Happy.
08:29Sad.
08:30Sad.
08:31Outside.
08:32Yellow.
08:32Yeah, I hear you.
08:33How about a treat?
08:35Yeah, he stinks in here, dude.
08:37How many apples are you feeding this thing?
08:38I'm trying to make him feel better, Mark.
08:40I don't like how Steve was treating him.
08:42He said some really mean stuff.
08:43Ah, no, no, come on.
08:44The horse was just responding to the tone.
08:46Champions love to be coached hard.
08:48It's a known fact.
08:49I don't know.
08:50What do you think, Hoagie Jones?
08:51Pee.
08:52Dog.
08:53Sounds like a yes to me.
08:55Listen, it's going to be great, dude.
08:56We got a stud horse on our hands.
08:58I'm telling you, nothing makes a horse happier than being a champion.
09:01Now that is a happy horse.
09:03I don't know.
09:03He's, uh, he's not smiling.
09:05Yeah, but think about all the fancy apples you could buy with that prize money we're going
09:09to win.
09:09I mean, you could buy that horse a frigging orchard.
09:11Yeah, I guess.
09:12Yeah, there we go.
09:13Now let's go win some races.
09:15You could buy it.
09:17You could buy it.
09:17Eat it before.
09:18I'm going to do it again.
09:19I'm going to go wrong.
09:20This is what I think.
09:20Stay from the start.
09:21I'm going to the end and take it all.
09:35Go take it all.
09:39Take it all.
09:40I'ma take it off
09:41Cause I'm in the ball
09:42I'm in the wind
09:43Did it before
09:43I'ma do it again
09:44I'ma go wrong
09:45Just for the pain
09:46Straight from the start
09:47I'ma go to the heat
09:48Gonna take it off
09:50Go take it off
09:51Go take it off
09:52Now that's art.
09:53Yeah, yeah.
09:54I gotta say, honey,
09:55I did not think this horse thing
09:57was gonna work out for you.
09:58Uh, for us, Tam.
10:00I just found out that we qualified
10:01for the Atlantic City Derby.
10:03So soon, you and I
10:04are gonna be living a high life.
10:06All thanks to the little
10:07hidden gem I found
10:08at the estate sale.
10:09Who would've thunk it?
10:10A toast to Hoagie Jones.
10:12The best investment
10:13our family's ever made.
10:15By me.
10:16Uh, this looks expensive, Mark.
10:18Yep, indeed.
10:18It's not cheap.
10:19It's not cheap.
10:20It's imported from
10:21the Lawyer Valley in France.
10:22You may have heard of it?
10:23A favorite amongst
10:24my fellow horse owners.
10:25Uh, how much of your winnings
10:27have you spent?
10:28Whoa there, Tam.
10:29It's a little uncouth
10:29to reveal one's financials.
10:31You spent all of it, didn't you?
10:32No, I reinvested it.
10:34The prize money's merely
10:35a small piece of the pie.
10:36The real money comes
10:38after you win a triple crown.
10:39You got the stud farming,
10:41licensing, and of course,
10:43merchandising.
10:44Yo, check it out, Tam.
10:45We got the Hoagie Jones
10:46t-shirts, got the hats here,
10:48got the beer koozies, dude,
10:49all kinds of stuff.
10:51Hoagie Jones is about
10:52to be a brand name.
10:53I'm talking like
10:53Seattle Slough
10:54or Secretariat.
10:56Uh, and what if
10:57your horse loses?
10:58Uh, it's called
10:59betting on yourself, Tam.
11:00Mark, this is
11:00completely irresponsible.
11:02Maybe I should handle
11:03the finances
11:04for this horse business.
11:05Oh, really, Tam?
11:06How's your investment
11:07paying off?
11:08You gonna return it
11:08to HomeGoods
11:09for a $30 store credit?
11:10Oh, you know,
11:11you don't know
11:11a damn thing about art.
11:13Guarantee I make more money
11:14from this painting
11:15than you will
11:16with this idiotic
11:17horse venture.
11:17Not a chance.
11:18You better hope
11:19to God this horse wins!
11:23Well, it does indeed
11:24look like an Andrew Wyeth.
11:25Really?
11:26Ha-ha!
11:27I knew it!
11:28Yes!
11:28But unfortunately,
11:29it's not.
11:30Looks like someone
11:31must have taken
11:31an Andrew Wyeth painting class.
11:33Oh, so how much
11:34is it worth?
11:35I mean, ultimately,
11:36art is subjective.
11:37If this painting
11:39speaks to you,
11:39it's priceless.
11:40If not,
11:41I'd say about $20.
11:43Can you write me
11:43a fake appraisal
11:44for more
11:45so I can just
11:45show my husband?
11:46Absolutely not!
11:47If the Art Appraisal Guild
11:48got wind of that,
11:49they'd beat me to death
11:50with an easel.
11:51Please go.
11:52Never speak of this again.
11:54Uh, okay.
11:57Mm.
11:57Pretty good, yeah?
11:59Ah, come on.
12:02There you go, bud.
12:03Uh, maybe enough
12:04with the snacks, Hank.
12:05Okay, he's got to race
12:05in two hours.
12:07I think he's having
12:08anxiety, Mork.
12:09He really doesn't like
12:10the way Steve treats him.
12:11What do you mean
12:11a horse has an anxiety?
12:12How do you,
12:12what are you basing that on?
12:13He told me.
12:14With the buttons.
12:15Oh, yeah, what'd he say?
12:16Uh, boat?
12:17Seashell poop?
12:18No, he said shoe,
12:20which also means sad.
12:21I don't think he likes racing.
12:23Of course he does, dude.
12:23He's a horse.
12:24All horses love racing.
12:25Maybe we should ask him.
12:27All right, come on, dude.
12:28Enough with this.
12:28Hey, Hokey Jones,
12:29do you, uh,
12:30like racing?
12:32No, no, shoe.
12:33See right there?
12:34He doesn't want to race, Mork.
12:35Uh, sorry, bud,
12:36but the horse
12:36does not have a say in this.
12:38Well, I do.
12:38It's half my horse, Mork.
12:40Hank, I need
12:41this investment to pay off.
12:42I hear you, Mork,
12:43but I just really think...
12:44Enough, all right?
12:45He's racing, Hank.
12:51Woo, this place is a real deal.
12:53Oh, yeah, big time.
12:54There he is,
12:55next triple crown winner,
12:57Hokey Jones.
12:58Hank, you excited, buddy?
13:01I don't know.
13:02Ah, come on, dude.
13:02Lighten up.
13:03This is the big time, baby.
13:04But the hot dogs here
13:05are unbelievable.
13:07Yeah, you guys want to go
13:07check out the VIP club?
13:08That's where all the, uh,
13:09big shot owners hang out.
13:10Ooh, yeah.
13:11Um, I gotta get something
13:12out of the car real quick.
13:14Be right back.
13:20Hey, buddy.
13:21Want me to get you out of here?
13:34So, yeah, just let me know
13:35if you want to do
13:35some stud farming
13:36maybe with some of your mares.
13:37He's really packing,
13:38so I think they'll really enjoy it,
13:40you know what I mean?
13:41I'll get back to you on that.
13:43Uh, excuse me, ma'am?
13:45Yes?
13:46I love your, uh, hat.
13:47Mmm, thank you.
13:49It's made with feathers
13:50from the last living dodo.
13:52Ha, ha, ha.
13:53Oh, right.
13:54Say, are you interested in art?
13:56Not really.
13:57Ugh.
13:58Yeah.
13:58All right.
13:59Ew!
14:00Hoagies!
14:01Where the hell's the horse?
14:02Huh?
14:03What are you talking about?
14:04I went to take a whiz,
14:04came back,
14:05now he's gone.
14:06The hell?
14:10Oh, God, dude.
14:12Oh, no freaking way.
14:14Wait a minute.
14:15Where's Hank?
14:20Hank, what the hell are you doing?
14:22We're going home.
14:23Are you serious?
14:24It's the AC Derby.
14:25Sorry, Mark.
14:25He doesn't want to race.
14:27I'm not gonna let Steve
14:28do him like that no more.
14:29All right, well,
14:29you're really screwing us over here, Hank.
14:31We need this.
14:31Come on.
14:32Yeah, well, I don't.
14:33And he's my horse, too.
14:34All right, Hank,
14:35I know you don't like
14:36how Steve treats him.
14:37I get that.
14:38I don't either.
14:39But this horse
14:40has a chance to be a champion.
14:42And we may never...
14:43And he may never
14:44get that chance again.
14:45Just one more race
14:47and we're done.
14:47I promise.
14:49Fine.
14:50One more race.
14:51Oh, thanks, bud.
14:52I appreciate it.
14:53But I'm gonna ride him,
14:55not Steve.
14:56No, no, no, what?
14:56Wait, no, absolutely not, okay?
14:58You saw how slow
14:58that horse was without Steve.
15:00You don't have to be mean
15:01to make him run fast.
15:02You can also be nice,
15:04like giving him rewards
15:05instead of insults
15:06and whips and stuff.
15:07Come on, dude.
15:08There's a lot riding on this.
15:09Right now,
15:10I'm the only one riding on this.
15:12Let's go, boy.
15:14All right, fine.
15:15Fine.
15:17We own this horse together.
15:18And if that's what you want,
15:20I accept it.
15:21Wait, really?
15:22Really.
15:23I'm trusting you here, though, bud.
15:25Hey, Hoagie Jones,
15:26we got one more race to do, okay?
15:28But no me and Steve.
15:30Just you and me.
15:31What do you say?
15:33All right, Hank, let's move it.
15:34Race starts in 20 minutes.
15:35Let's go, Hoagie Jones.
15:37Yeah, yeah.
15:39Here we go, buddy.
15:40Nice and fair.
15:43Hey, boy.
15:44Yo, what, you moron?
15:46Yo, come on, man!
15:46What about that?
15:47Turns out,
15:48he wasn't saying
15:49my ex was in Provence.
15:51He was from
15:52Ex-en-Provence.
15:54I'll never make
15:55that mistake again.
15:56Oh, my God.
15:58That is rich.
16:00Oh, anyways,
16:01this painting.
16:02Yes, are you a collector?
16:03Oh, yeah,
16:04a big collector.
16:05Looks like an Andrew Wyeth.
16:06Yeah, you know,
16:07it probably is.
16:08I have so many paintings,
16:10I can't even tell them
16:11apart anymore.
16:11I got them all over
16:12my, uh, mansions.
16:14So, you want to buy it?
16:16I'll give it to you
16:16for a thousand bucks.
16:18Does that include the frame?
16:19Sure, why not?
16:20All right, deal.
16:22Yoo-hoo!
16:24I just tripled my profit
16:26on the painting.
16:27Told you it was worth something.
16:28At least we won't come away
16:30total losers today.
16:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:32We'll see.
16:32Hey, Mark, uh,
16:34is that Hank
16:34going to the horse there?
16:35Uh, yep.
16:37Oh, boy.
16:38Yo, uh,
16:39let me make another bet.
16:40You want any of this, Mark?
16:42Nah, I'm good.
16:43I'm going to ride
16:43this one out.
16:44Come on, Hank.
16:45You got this, dude.
16:46You got this.
16:48What the hell?
16:50Here you go, boy.
16:51Get excited.
16:52We're going to have fun today.
16:53The faster you run,
16:54the more treats you get.
16:55You do know
16:56that's going to give it
16:57some serious gas.
16:58Nah, it's okay.
16:59We got it under control.
17:00Ain't that right, boy?
17:06Hey there, Hank.
17:08Just got hooked up
17:08with a real king.
17:09I hope you like
17:10my horse's ass
17:11because you're going to be
17:12staring at it
17:12the whole race, baby.
17:13Oh, okay.
17:14Uh, good luck, I guess.
17:15Oh, I got all the luck I need.
17:17You see that smoking hot
17:18brunette in the second row there?
17:20That's my new girlfriend.
17:21And she don't date losers.
17:23Yo, babe,
17:24I'm bringing it home
17:25for you, sweetheart.
17:26You better.
17:27I don't date losers.
17:29I know.
17:30I was just telling him that.
17:31Good afternoon,
17:32ladies and gentlemen,
17:33and welcome
17:34to the Atlantic City Derby.
17:35The horses are ready.
17:36The crowd is buzzing,
17:37and we're all set
17:38for a spectacular race.
17:40Today's lineup includes
17:41some of the finest.
17:42Cinnamon Sun,
17:43Beige Beauty,
17:44Interstellar Medium,
17:45Jersey Peach,
17:46Hey Man,
17:46and Hoagie Jones.
17:47All eyes are on the track.
17:51And they're off.
17:52Hey Man takes
17:53an early lead
17:53with Beige Beauty
17:54and Interstellar Medium
17:55hard on his heels.
17:56Cinnamon Sun
17:57and Jersey Peach follow,
17:58and Hoagie Jones
17:59trails the back.
18:01Nico,
18:01you got this, boy.
18:02You're doing great.
18:03Come on, come on, come on.
18:04Oh, and Hoagie Jones
18:05seems to have entered
18:06another gear.
18:07He's picking up speed,
18:09charging forward.
18:10He passes Cinnamon Sun.
18:11Now in Distant
18:12Medium,
18:13Hoagie Jones
18:13is flying down the track,
18:15now overtaking Jersey Peach
18:16and Beige Beauty.
18:18This is a remarkable search.
18:20Oh, you're doing awesome, boy.
18:22Yeah!
18:22It's neck and neck
18:23between Hoagie Jones
18:24and Hey Man.
18:24The crowd is going wild
18:26as these two contenders
18:27battle for the lead.
18:28What an incredible race
18:29we have on our hands.
18:31Come on, you nitwit.
18:32You know they eat horses
18:33like you in Mongolia?
18:34Oh, wow, Hoagie Jones.
18:35You're so fast.
18:37Keep running, bud.
18:37You got it.
18:38Ha!
18:39Come on!
18:39Ha!
18:40Ha!
18:41Ha!
18:41If you run any slower,
18:42you'll be going backwards,
18:43you moron!
18:44Yeah!
18:47Wait a second.
18:49Oh, no.
18:49Oh, something appears
18:51to be happening with Hey Man.
18:53Hey Man, raise up!
18:55And now Hey Man
18:55is turning on him.
18:57Hey Man's on the track
18:57as Hey Man starts
18:58beating the journey
18:59with his rules.
19:00Oh!
19:01It's over, you loser.
19:03I'm sorry.
19:05Baby, oh!
19:06I'm sorry!
19:07Now, Hoagie Jones
19:08is in sole position
19:09of the lead.
19:10Oh, you're doing great,
19:11Hoagie Jones.
19:12You having fun?
19:13What an unbelievable comeback
19:15as Hoagie Jones
19:16all about solidifies his...
19:19Ah, got him up.
19:20Whoa.
19:20Oh!
19:21Oh, my God!
19:23Oh!
19:24Oh!
19:29Hoagie Jones?
19:30Yo, Mark, uh,
19:32I think your horse, uh,
19:33just blew up.
19:34Ah, damn it.
19:35Forgot to take the cork out.
19:46You all right there, bud?
19:48Shoo.
19:49Listen, Hank.
19:50I know how you feel.
19:52It's just sometimes
19:53horses, they...
19:54they'll just explode,
19:55you know?
19:56It happens to the best of us.
19:57I guess.
19:58Do you think it's because
19:59I, uh, fed him too many apples
20:01and a whole box of Alka-Seltzer?
20:03Nah, no way.
20:05No way.
20:05I talked to the, um,
20:07the horse autopsy guy.
20:08He said that, uh,
20:10a horse had a genetic condition
20:12probably should explode
20:13a long time ago,
20:14but actually beat the odds
20:15because of how happy he was
20:17in the last few, uh, weeks.
20:20Really?
20:20Oh, yeah.
20:21Oh, absolutely.
20:22Big time.
20:22Oh, and, uh,
20:23I got a little something for you.
20:24Ooh, what's this?
20:25300 shirts to remember him by.
20:27Oh, thanks, Mark.
20:30How's Hank doing?
20:31Eh, he'll be fine.
20:32Well, I guess once you return
20:34all those fancy suits,
20:35you'll break even
20:36on this whole horse thing?
20:37Pff, you kidding me?
20:38This is the best investment
20:39I ever made.
20:40Are you nuts?
20:41Horse insurance, baby.
20:42Let's go!
20:46The cleanup efforts
20:47should wrap up
20:48by tomorrow morning,
20:49but authorities warn
20:50the smell of horseafluvia
20:51may linger for the coming weeks.
20:53In related news,
20:54the rich get richer
20:55as a real estate billionaire
20:56made a whole lot of money
20:57at the AC Derby this weekend
20:59and not by betting on the horses.
21:01She just offered me
21:02this sad, crappy painting,
21:04but the frame
21:05is what caught my eye.
21:06It turns out
21:07it's 24-carat gold
21:09and hand-smithed
21:11by renaissance
21:11era sculptor
21:12Benvenuto Cellini.
21:14Couldn't believe
21:15this lady
21:16just sold it to me
21:17for a thousand bucks.
21:20Experts say
21:21the prized frame
21:22could fetch up to
21:23three million dollars
21:24at auction.
21:25Talk about
21:26a true hidden gem.
21:27Oh, holy
21:31Oh, holy
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