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00:02Your brain may tell you that cards can't float, but what do your eyes say?
00:08Whoa, awesome.
00:10Yeah, Mork, you think he's a real sorcerer?
00:12Come on, dude. Magic isn't even real, okay?
00:13It's just tricks.
00:14Guy's basically a mind with a ponytail.
00:16Yeah, but it's floating.
00:17Hank, it's a simple optical illusion, okay?
00:19They debunk all this stuff on YouTube.
00:21This guy's Bush League.
00:22Bush League! Wow!
00:24So would the chatty chap like to volunteer for my next trick?
00:28Eh, I might want to find the better Mork, okay?
00:30I know how all these tricks work, pal.
00:32Oh, is that so?
00:33Well, then why don't you pick a card?
00:37All right, buddy.
00:38Write your name on it and just place it between my hands right here.
00:42Uh-huh. Yeah, okay, dude.
00:48And now...
00:49All right, relax. It's in his sleeve.
00:52Oh, really?
00:53All right, well, it's under his hat.
00:56What the hell, dude?
01:03What the hell?
01:04Welcome to the portal.
01:09Try again next time.
01:11Yeah, whatever.
01:12Guy's a hat.
01:15Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory
01:17Until them robots came along
01:19And now there is no doubt for me
01:21But I get 3,000 bucks a month
01:23Thanks to UVI
01:28Now we're Universal Basic Guys
01:31It may not sound like much
01:33But we're still gonna try
01:37We're just Universal Basic Guys
01:44Come on, dude. You can't just put a foreign object in someone's mouth without their consent.
01:48I mean, that's probably a felony right there.
01:50And a way you celebrate. I mean, act like you've been there before. Come on.
01:52I mean, uh, he did get you pretty good there, Mork.
01:54Uh, he did not get me, Hank, okay?
01:56Also, it's unethical to trick people, okay?
01:59A magician is essentially a professional liar.
02:01And if you want to celebrate that, Hank, that's on you.
02:03But I, for one, am not gonna take it.
02:06So, uh, what are you gonna do?
02:08Uh, I'm gonna figure out how he did it
02:09And then I'm gonna go to his next show
02:11And expose him as the fraud that he is.
02:13You think maybe, uh, he's put it in through the back door?
02:17Pfft. Oh, yeah?
02:18Think I wouldn't notice that?
02:19And then what? I just reverse digested it into my mouth?
02:21Maybe it was never in your mouth at all.
02:24Jingle Mouse? Where the hell did you come from?
02:26I've been eavesdropping.
02:27I was walking the dog and I heard you talking about magic.
02:29My third biggest passion.
02:31Wait, uh, what did I first do?
02:33Sex and law.
02:34Oh, nice.
02:35Yeah, David, let me ask you something.
02:36You happen to know a, uh, local magician named Trent Portal?
02:39Trent Portal, yeah.
02:41He's a big deal down at the Conjurers Club.
02:43He used to haze the crap out of me when I was a hat bunny.
02:46That's the novice level.
02:47So, uh, what level are you now?
02:49Snake in a can.
02:50All right, so let me ask you.
02:51If the card wasn't in my mouth,
02:53what, do you have it up his sleeve?
02:54I mean, I swear, it felt his fingers on my tongue and everything.
02:57I'm guessing it's some sort of sleight of hand,
02:59but honestly, I'd have to see it to know for sure.
03:01All right, dude, I need you coming with me to his next show.
03:04Uh, I don't know, Mark.
03:05Outing a trick is a huge violation of the magician's code.
03:09But he did relentlessly paddle me with a magic wand during Hell Week.
03:13Be nice to take him down a few pegs.
03:15What the hell?
03:16I'm in.
03:20Andrea.
03:21Hi, Tammy.
03:22Wow, you got a lot going on here.
03:24Acute carpal tunnel arthritis?
03:26Phone pause from work.
03:28Elective dialysis for your biannual kidney flush.
03:31I don't take bathroom breaks.
03:32Real time suck, Tammy.
03:33I have an incredibly stressful corporate job
03:35that demands all of my time and is hell on my body.
03:38Rather than deal with doctor's appointments
03:40and taking care of my health,
03:42I just go hard and check myself into the hospital
03:44once a year to reset the system.
03:45Okay, well, that's innovative.
03:47I have to say, Tammy,
03:48that was an impressively smooth IV change.
03:50And your bedside manner is so mild as to be non-existent.
03:53You might be the best nurse I've ever had.
03:55Oh, thanks, Andrea.
03:56That's really nice to hear.
03:58I've been feeling pretty underappreciated at work lately.
04:00Oh, just quit and sue them.
04:02Even if it's meritless, I guarantee they'll settle.
04:04Eh, not really my style,
04:05but it would be nice to win a naughty.
04:08A naughty?
04:08A nurse at a year award.
04:10They're giving it out next weekend at the medicine ball,
04:12but this guy Carjan always frickin' wins.
04:15Whatever.
04:15I don't care.
04:16Awards are dumb anyway.
04:17You're just saying that because you never win.
04:19Well, it's ridiculous.
04:20I'm the best nurse here.
04:21And they always give it to Carjan?
04:23Oh, come on.
04:24Carjan?
04:25Like with a K?
04:26You type with all five fingers?
04:27Ah!
04:28Careful with your carpal tunnel.
04:29I've seen all I need to see.
04:31This guy's clearly playing the game.
04:32He's got 25,000 followers.
04:34Meanwhile, I'm looking at your profile,
04:35and it's terrible.
04:36How did you...
04:37Give me that.
04:38You have zero brand,
04:39let alone brand awareness.
04:40No wonder Carjan's winning nursing awards.
04:42Look at him.
04:43What does that have to do with being a good nurse?
04:45Online visibility and brand awareness
04:47are way more important
04:48than actually being good at something.
04:49Ha!
04:50Guess I'm a total idiot
04:51to think I'd be recognized for my skills at my job.
04:53Yes, you are.
04:54If only you had a neighbor who worked in PR.
04:57Hey, gorgeous.
04:59Hi, Carjan.
05:00You didn't answer my invite
05:01for the pediatric liver failure awareness flash mob.
05:04Are you coming?
05:05It does affect the costumes.
05:06Uh, no.
05:07I can't go
05:08because I got put in charge of all your patients.
05:10Amazing.
05:12You're the best, Tams.
05:13Yep.
05:14He's annoying.
05:14You need to start posting stat.
05:20I feel like a baseball cap
05:21would have been sufficient there, David.
05:23If Trent recognizes me,
05:24it'll ruin any chance I have of being promoted.
05:26Plus, Andrea asked me to break in her new heels.
05:29It's a win-win.
05:32Enter the portal.
05:34Are you ready?
05:36Get on your feet!
05:38Bring it, portal.
05:40Ah!
05:41Whoa!
05:43Ah!
05:47Write your name on a card.
05:49Oh, this is it.
05:50Yo, David.
05:51Yo, what's he doing there?
05:52Shh.
05:57Reverse palm displacement.
05:59He's flicking it behind his right wrist.
06:01He's wrist-in' it.
06:02He's wrist-in' it.
06:03Yo, check behind his wrist.
06:04Excuse me?
06:05Yeah, the card's behind your right wrist, pal.
06:07Sorry, but you gotta do better
06:09getting paid for this, right, guys?
06:11Oh, God.
06:11Are you the guy from the mall?
06:12Hey, I told you not to pick me.
06:14You're bested, portal.
06:15Go on.
06:16Show him.
06:18Ha!
06:18Well, you got me.
06:22Yeah, there it is.
06:23He emits it.
06:25Just a stupid, basic sleight-of-hand trick.
06:28God, I'm such a hack.
06:29Hey, your words, not mine.
06:31God, what was I thinking?
06:32Idiot, I suck!
06:34All right, dude, come on.
06:35Take it easy.
06:35It's not a big deal.
06:36It is a big deal!
06:38I'm a fraud!
06:40I'm an amateur.
06:41I don't deserve to stand on this stage.
06:44I don't deserve any of this.
06:45I don't deserve any of this.
06:46All right, yo, let's pump the brakes here, bud.
06:48All right, just take the L and move on.
06:50I'm sorry.
06:50I'm sorry for wasting your time.
06:52Trent, don't do anything stupid, dude.
06:54Come on.
06:54Oh, my God!
06:55Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
06:56Yo, somebody called 911!
06:58Siri, call 911!
07:00Oh, man, dude.
07:01I was trying to bust his balls.
07:03I didn't think he was going to like...
07:04It's not your fault, Mark.
07:05It's not your fault.
07:08He's gone.
07:09Oh, God.
07:10Oh, God, dude!
07:12What am I...
07:13Oh, dude!
07:14Or is he?
07:16Wait, what?
07:17Ha, ha, ha!
07:18Wait a minute.
07:19No.
07:20The only mines being blown today are yours!
07:24Ha, ha, ha, ha!
07:25Wow.
07:26That's pretty good.
07:27That, my friends, is what happens when the Mark tries to match Witz with the Master.
07:34Okay, Portal.
07:35Okay.
07:42I mean, I don't know, Mark.
07:43That was a pretty good trick.
07:44Yeah, well, I'm going to beat it, okay?
07:45I got no choice.
07:47I'm in a classic magician's duel.
07:48Mark, he's a level seven legendary master magician.
07:52It takes years to perfect those tricks.
07:53Yeah, well, that's why I'm not doing any tricks.
07:56I'm going full David Blaine, okay?
07:58That's real magic.
07:59Like, when he drowns himself or, like, you know, when he eats those wine glasses in front
08:03of, like, Robert De Niro.
08:04The eating glass thing, that could actually be good.
08:06You know, how does he do that one, David?
08:07I think he just grinds it up in his teeth until it becomes, like, sand.
08:10Oh, yeah?
08:11All right.
08:12I'm going to try that.
08:13No, I wouldn't do that.
08:14Relax, okay?
08:15I got real strong enamels.
08:19Boom.
08:20Magic.
08:28Loosen up your hips, Tam.
08:29You look like a cadaver.
08:30Oh, this is so stupid.
08:31Well, you're not going to win that award by changing bedpans.
08:34Come on, let's go again.
08:35Left, right.
08:36Oh, hey, Jasmine.
08:38Uh, just filming an educational video.
08:41Just want to let you know that Albert passed away early this morning.
08:44Oh, my gosh.
08:45Albert.
08:47He was one of my patients.
08:49You okay?
08:50It's just so hard sometimes.
08:53You form these bonds with people and you're doing everything you can, but sometimes it still
08:59isn't enough.
09:01Sorry, Andrea.
09:02I know we can't use that.
09:03I'll start over.
09:04Are you kidding?
09:05That was gold.
09:06Raw.
09:07Emotional.
09:08People eat that stuff up.
09:09I just posted it.
09:10It already has 2,000 views.
09:11You're kidding.
09:12How'd they even watch it that fast?
09:14I'm a hashtagging savant.
09:15Ooh, look at the number going up.
09:21Mark?
09:21What happened?
09:22Are you okay?
09:23Hey, yeah, Sam.
09:24Yeah, I didn't want to bug you.
09:25I'm actually fine.
09:25I'm good.
09:26You ate glass?
09:28A little bit, yeah.
09:29A little bit.
09:29How'd you accidentally eat glass?
09:31It was no accident, okay?
09:32It was calculated and well-executed.
09:34Well, that's half true.
09:36David?
09:37What are you doing here?
09:38I'm helping Mark in a magician's duel.
09:40David, shh.
09:40Nah, nah.
09:40It's gonna be a whole thing.
09:41What the hell are you doing in a magician's duel?
09:44If you want to do magic, maybe start with a magic kit.
09:46That's for kids, dude.
09:47I'm not doing that.
09:48The medicine ball's coming up, and I don't want you showing up looking like you were making
09:52out with a lawnmower.
09:53This event is really important to me.
09:55Relax, Sam.
09:55I'll be there, okay?
09:56Oh, my God.
09:57The medicine ball.
09:59Mark, Trent Portal is performing there.
10:01Get the hell out of here.
10:02Are you serious?
10:03Why does that name mean something to you?
10:05No reason.
10:05Look, I don't know what's going on, but I gotta go back to work.
10:08Just stop eating glass, okay?
10:11All right.
10:11Looks like we got our venue, okay?
10:13We need to go big.
10:13I'm talking the craziest magic trick in the books.
10:16It's gotta be some kind of ancient, dark arts trick.
10:19It's gonna blow Portal's mind.
10:21For real.
10:22Mark, these kinds of tricks, this is how people end up dead.
10:25Yeah, we're looking cool.
10:27Go big or die trying, David.
10:28So you're gonna help me find this crazy trick or what?
10:31There is a book.
10:32It holds the shadowy secrets of yore.
10:36Arcane sorcery, forbidden magic.
10:38Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, dude.
10:40Where do we find this thing?
10:41It's not gonna be easy.
10:44I put it really far in the back.
10:46Damn, David.
10:47What, you got your whole closet in there?
10:48This is my closet.
10:50Andrea's got all the upstairs ones.
10:52Ugh, I gotta donate some of these hats.
10:54Ah, here we go.
11:00Compendium magiae prohibitae.
11:02Yeah, this is what I'm talking about.
11:04This is classic.
11:05The grimoire of Ignatius Dunkaroo, Houdini's rival.
11:08A renowned madman.
11:10Not bad, not bad.
11:11Got the creepy stuff going on.
11:13A little mystical action.
11:14Ooh, yo.
11:15What's this one, dude?
11:16This is wild.
11:17Let's pick another one.
11:18That's way too dangerous.
11:19Nah, nah, come on.
11:20It's gotta be this one, dude.
11:21Look at that.
11:21I can totally do that.
11:22Mark, this is the trick that killed Dunkaroo.
11:25Even he couldn't do it.
11:26Exactly.
11:26That's gonna make me look even cooler.
11:28No, this is madness.
11:29I'm not gonna support this.
11:30Yo, come on, David.
11:31Just imagine we upstage Portal with a legendary, never-been-done trick.
11:35When your little magic club gets wind that you helped me pull it off,
11:38dude, you're gonna be in the VIP room sipping absinthe martinis with frickin' Chris Angel.
11:43Ah, martinis with the mind freak does sound kinda nice.
11:48The jarred man.
11:50The jarred man.
11:52Hey, do you need any vagina hats?
11:54I'm good.
11:56Loved your video, Tammy.
11:57I see you, Big T.
11:59Hey, Tammy, congratulations.
12:02For what?
12:02I just saw you were nominated for a naughty.
12:04No way!
12:06Oh, that's frickin' awesome!
12:07Thank you, sir.
12:09That's great news.
12:10Well deserved.
12:11Good luck.
12:11Thanks, Dr. Mishra.
12:13Did you hear that?
12:14It worked!
12:14I got nominated!
12:16Good.
12:17Karjin is flailing right now.
12:18He posted eight videos yesterday and took off his shirt and won.
12:22Very desperate.
12:22All right, so I guess now we just wait?
12:25No, you need to do one more video.
12:26Really drive things home.
12:28I found the perfect setup.
12:31This family's about to end life support, and I want you in there when he goes.
12:34Just feel your feelings, bare your soul, then we'll post it.
12:38This is so messed up.
12:42Hi there.
12:43Nurse Tammy Hoagies.
12:45I just wanted to come by and pay my respects.
12:48That means a lot.
12:50It's moments like this that make it hard to be a nurse, you know?
12:54Damn you, cancer.
12:56I did everything I could to help him.
12:59Your dad was so strong.
13:01That's my mom.
13:02Oh, I mean, you know, um...
13:04And she didn't have cancer.
13:06She was in a sumo suit at a birthday party, got bounced out of the ring, and rolled down
13:11a hill into traffic.
13:13Oh!
13:14Uh...
13:14Are you even her nurse?
13:16Stop filming.
13:17My hand's locked up.
13:18Oh my God, you're filming this?
13:20Hi, followers.
13:22This bitch nurse is clout farming my dying mom, who she misgendered and misdiagnosed.
13:26No, it was a mistake.
13:27Oh, subscribe!
13:28Please, it's really not me.
13:29Don't film me.
13:30No comments at this time.
13:31Sorry for your loss.
13:33Oh, God.
13:35Whew, so that was a mess.
13:37Definitely just cost yourself the award.
13:39Me?
13:39That was your stupid idea.
13:41Ugh, I should have checked the paperwork.
13:43I don't have time for a full postmortem, but unfortunately, I have to fire you as my client.
13:47I'm your client?
13:48Oh, you were, but now you're an untouchable, and I have to make a show of distancing myself
13:52from you, from my brand.
13:53You understand.
13:54All right, now this is one of the most dangerous tricks in the history of magic, but if everything
13:59goes absolutely perfect, there's a very, very slim chance we can pull it off.
14:04Uh, are you sure about this, Mork?
14:05Uh, yes, Hank, okay?
14:06Chances of dying in a magic trick are like one in a billion, okay?
14:09I've got a better chance of being killed by a hippo.
14:11First, we're going to blow up 200 balloons and strap them to my body.
14:15All right, here we go.
14:1898, 199.
14:20We are short a balloon.
14:22Yeah, Hank, you're not stealing helium again, are you?
14:24Da-do.
14:26Once I'm strapped up, we place a jar on the ground, and then the funnel goes on top.
14:36All right, if all goes correctly, Mork will be like this egg.
14:40Now the funnel's got to be heavily greased up with wha- yeah, does this say whale lard?
14:46We'll just use grapeseed oil.
14:47Yeah, I got whale lard.
14:48You want a humpback or orca?
14:51Okay, I'm ready.
14:53Remember, like a smooth egg.
14:55You got this, Mork.
14:56Just like Humpty Dumpty.
14:58No, not like Humpty Dumpty.
14:59He shattered into a million pieces and died.
15:02Oh, I didn't get that for.
15:03It's like four lines.
15:05Hey, if you die, God forbid, can I get the hot tub?
15:08It's irrelevant, Murph.
15:09Nobody's dying here today.
15:24Right now.
15:29Oh, he's going to die.
15:40Oh, man.
15:42Ow.
15:43I feel like maybe we should have done a cord trick.
15:51Oh, I can't believe you, Mork.
15:53Just couldn't help yourself, huh?
15:55Had to be an idiot, and now we're both going to miss the Madison ball.
15:58You're lucky I'm not going to win.
15:59You should go, Tam.
16:01I'll look after him.
16:02You sure?
16:03Yeah, that's what he would want.
16:17Yo, let me get another Chardonnay on the rocks and keep him coming.
16:21Whoa, there he is, man of the hour.
16:24Congrats, Gorgian.
16:25You won again.
16:27Oh, thanks, Tammy.
16:28I'm just feeling so grateful that my sacrifice is being recognized, you know?
16:32Ha, ha, and don't kid yourself.
16:34You know I'm a better nurse than you.
16:36Yes, as evidenced by all your awards.
16:38Bye.
16:41Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the man who's been called the Houdini of South Jersey,
16:48Frank Bordahl.
16:49Enter the border.
16:54Okay.
16:57Uh-oh.
16:59Is there a doctor in the house?
17:13Now, I need a volunteer.
17:15Oh, my God, pick me!
17:16Pick me!
17:17All right, all right.
17:18You, sir.
17:18You, sir, with the trophy.
17:21Pick a card.
17:22Oh, my God, okay.
17:24Write your name on the card.
17:27And place it between my hands like this.
17:30Ah, okay.
17:31And now.
17:34It's behind his wrist.
17:37Ah!
17:39Oh, my God.
17:41Whoa, there's a man in that jar.
17:43What?
17:44Oh, no.
17:46Oh, no.
17:48No way.
17:49The great, Mark Hoagies, performing the most difficult trick in the history of magic.
17:55Behold, the Jarred Man.
17:59Oh, wow.
18:03My God.
18:05The Jarred Man.
18:08Yeah.
18:13Oh, my God.
18:19I am your...
18:24Mark!
18:25I am...
18:25What the...
18:26You were in the hospital.
18:28How did you even...
18:29I...
18:30No crowd.
18:32No.
18:33Now, of course, I was never gonna miss the ball.
18:36I just wanted to make an entrance.
18:38The rehearsal was just the first part of the trick.
18:41We knew he would never fit inside the jar on the first try.
18:43First, he had to be broken.
18:47The others had no idea.
18:49At least not at first.
18:51We feared they'd object to the endeavor.
18:53But we soon clued them in.
18:55We needed their help for phase two.
19:00After they cleared Mark of internal bleeding and brain damage,
19:03we had to sneak him out before his bones set.
19:08An empty bed would arouse suspicion.
19:11So we employed a double.
19:27Getting him into the museum was the easy part.
19:37Why, he's the greatest magician in the world!
19:41But how?
19:45He's going into cardiac arrest!
19:47Where's my defense?
19:49Defense!
19:49Come on!
19:50Uh, I don't do cardiology.
19:55Don't frickin' die on me, you idiot!
19:58You frickin' moron, don't you die!
20:03That was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
20:06Damn.
20:07You saved me.
20:08That's why I did the trick here,
20:11because I knew you'd bring me back.
20:14Come here.
20:15Give me a kiss.
20:18No frickin' way!
20:20You're about to swallow your damn tongue.
20:21Hang on.
20:22Come on.
20:23Yeah, hurry.
20:25Are you sure that's his tongue?
20:30No!
20:30Now is this your card?
20:34Ha ha ha!
20:35Oh my god!
20:36God!
20:37Okay, Portal, now that was pretty good.
20:40You got me, dude.
20:41You freaking got me with that one.
20:46Hey, folks.
20:47Pretty serious situation.
20:49It's touch and go right now,
20:50so let's get some prayer hands in the chat
20:52and keep sending that positive energy.
20:54This man is fighting for his life.
20:56Karjan, get that damn camera out of here.
20:58We're prepping my husband for surgery.
20:59Come on, Dr. Misha.
21:00Let me see you work it.
21:03Karjan, I'm in the middle of a procedure.
21:09Oh, yeah.
21:10Okay.
21:11Woo!
21:12Yo, what's going on here?
21:13You're supposed to be asleep.
21:15Patient's awake.
21:16We need more propofol.
21:16Hold on, don't move me under.
21:17Okay, I want to do the dance first.
21:19Okay, move me over there.
21:19Absolutely not.
21:20Come on, wag my arms.
21:24Oh, there we go.
21:25Get a little help here.
21:27Oh, there she is.
21:29Looking beautiful.
21:29Yo, help me out so I can get a dance one.
21:33Bye-bye.
21:34Bye-bye.
21:35Bye-bye.
21:37Bye-bye.
21:37Bye-bye.
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