- 1 day ago
First broadcast 24th March 1981.
Robin struggles to get to grips with the complex art of changing a nappy.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Peggy Aitchison - Gertrude
George Layton - Vernon Potter
Linda Cunningham - Secretary
Derek Chafer - Pilot
Robin struggles to get to grips with the complex art of changing a nappy.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Peggy Aitchison - Gertrude
George Layton - Vernon Potter
Linda Cunningham - Secretary
Derek Chafer - Pilot
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:23Yes, you're doing very well, darling. That's very good.
00:26Oh, that bit goes there.
00:29Oh, right.
00:30That's right.
00:31Now, napkin, napkin. Where's the napkin?
00:33Well, then, calm down. It's in your mouth.
00:37It's nice for the twins to sleep in their own room.
00:40It's nice for Mummy and Daddy to sleep in their own room.
00:44There. Now, what do you think of that?
00:48Not bad, darling.
00:49Not bad? That's brilliant.
00:53Yes, there's just one thing, though.
00:55Well, that's fine for a dry run or even a wet run.
00:59But when it comes to the real thing, I think you'll find it advisable not to put the nappy
01:04pin through the tummy.
01:07The twins might not be as cooperative as Teddy.
01:09Vicky, Vicky, what would have happened if I did that to James or Lucy?
01:13Well, they might have protested a bit.
01:15Oh, I didn't realise I could have done that to one of the twins.
01:17I didn't realise I'd put the pin through Teddy's tummy.
01:20Oh, sorry, mate.
01:23Never mind. Have another try.
01:24Right, then can I go downstairs and do something simple like prepare tonight's menu?
01:28You're a good sport, Robin. A lot of men I know wouldn't change a baby's nappy.
01:32How many men have you asked?
01:35Oh, now, come on up now, Teddy. Now, do come along.
01:38Now, how can I change your nappy if you keep moving a boat?
01:42Well, now you're getting the idea.
01:44Well, I've been listening to Mummy.
01:46Now, then, can I have the other nappy pin, please?
01:49Ah, now, that's what I'd like to see. Father lending a hand. Very commendable.
01:53Hi, Dad. Be with you in a sec.
01:55Well, that's better, isn't it?
01:56Yes, that's very good. What do you think of that guy now?
02:00Oh, oh, idiot.
02:03I thought he was one of the babies.
02:04Oh, don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't throw a baby across the room. I'm not a fool.
02:09No, you're an idiot. Oh, calm down, Dad.
02:11Yes, do calm down. You're upsetting Teddy.
02:14It's all right, Teddy. It's only Grandpapa getting a little bit excited-pooed.
02:18He is. He's an idiot. I know he is.
02:21Thank you. Come on, Dad. Let's go and find the babies and go for our walk.
02:24Yes, where are James and Lucy?
02:25Well, Albert's wheeling them up and down the street.
02:27I wasn't quite sure what time you'd get here.
02:29Victoria, you've left Riddle in charge of my grandchildren.
02:31How could you be so irresponsible?
02:33Well, anything could happen.
02:35Bad enough we may have to leave them with Trip.
02:45I'm missing out on all these lovely walks.
02:47Well, I wish you could.
02:48Yes, it's a good old day for a walk.
02:50Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. I've just got them off.
02:53He's a marvellous au pair.
02:55All right, darling. Come on. Let's go.
02:57Uh, Riddle, will you hold the door for me, please?
02:59I'll say I can eat it.
03:00Are you sure you can't come with us, Robin?
03:01Oh, I wish I could, Vicky, but somebody's got to do some work round here. Not like some people.
03:06I know.
03:06Now, don't forget, Mr. Nichols, if you stop anywhere, you've got to put the brake on.
03:12Thank you, Richard.
03:14Bye, darling.
03:15Bye. Have a nice walk.
03:17Right. Come on, Albert.
03:24Ha! So, when do you think you'll be having any more babies, Mr. Trip?
03:30Give us a chance, Albert.
03:32Oh, well, you've got to think about these things.
03:34You don't want the twins to be only children, do you?
03:39And let's face it, Mr. Trip, you're not getting any younger, you know.
03:44Yeah, but you really know how to make a guy feel good.
03:47There's three of us, you know. There's me older sister, Alma Riddle.
03:52And then there's me. I'm the middle Riddle.
03:56And then there's me young brother, Jimmy.
04:03What's your brother's name?
04:04Jimmy.
04:07Jimmy Riddle.
04:10Quite well known in Ireland.
04:12He's quite well known here, too, aren't we?
04:15One, two, three baby milks, three, two pairs of plastic pans, four, three big dinners, five, four orange desserts.
04:29Gertrude, will you please stop that? I can't concentrate.
04:33Oh, neither can I, Mr. Trip.
04:35Look, why did you take them upstairs? Because Vicky will need them up there anyway.
04:38Oh, that's a very good idea. Right.
04:44Now, have you seen the sugar, Mr. Trip?
04:50Two, one, three, two, four, three, five, four, Albert, will you stop it?
05:00I can't help it, I've got a sweet toot.
05:03I think I heard Gertrude call you.
05:05I didn't hear anything.
05:06Yeah, she wants you upstairs. Go on.
05:08Oh, right.
05:08And take your tea with you.
05:09And be careful, it must be very heavy with all that sugar in it.
05:12Oh, right.
05:17Wine.
05:23Hello, Robin's Nest.
05:25Yep.
05:26Friday evening, yes.
05:28Right, a table for three.
05:31Can I have your name, please?
05:33Yeah.
05:34Right, looking forward to seeing you, Mrs. Williams.
05:38How'd a walk go?
05:39Lovely. Listen, I've got something to do.
05:40Vicky, shall I tell you something?
05:41Since you've been out, I've been trying to prepare the pastry for tonight's Buffon Crout,
05:44right?
05:45But with Albert Gertrude and the telephone, I can't even get as much as trying to get the
05:49flour together.
05:50I tell you, Vicky, please, no, listen.
05:51If I have one more interruption, tonight's Buffon Crout will be purely Buffson Crout.
05:56In fact, it will be plain roast Buff.
05:58Where's your dad?
05:59He's parking the pan.
06:00Right.
06:00Listen, Robin, I've got one interruption.
06:01Now, please think.
06:03Well, have you told him?
06:04You're joking.
06:05I can't get a word in edgeways.
06:06Right.
06:06Well, just stop doing that a minute and listen.
06:09Now, just now, when we were out, we went past a travel agent and they were offering cheap
06:15holidays abroad.
06:17In fact, they had some marvellous last-minute bargains.
06:20Yes, so Dad has booked a week in Tenerife starting next Monday.
06:24Oh, very nice.
06:26Well, it's all right for some.
06:27Well, seeing as you are a sleeping partner, you might as well sleep on the beach asleep here.
06:32Not for him, birdbrain.
06:33For us.
06:34What?
06:35I feel very strongly that Victoria is in need of a holiday, so I've booked one.
06:39For both of us?
06:40Well, she feels she can't go without you, so I had no choice.
06:44No, but seriously, I think a holiday would do you both, the world of good and the children.
06:49I don't know what to say.
06:51Try thank you.
06:54You're welcome.
06:55I mean, what about the restaurant?
06:57Who's going to run it?
06:58Oh, don't worry.
06:59Dad says there are lots of agencies who provide temporary staff, so we'll get somebody in for
07:03a week.
07:03Yes, I know, but if we're going off next Monday, we're already at Wednesday.
07:06It doesn't give us a lot of time.
07:07Just leave it to me.
07:09What do doctors do when they go away?
07:11Well, they don't bring in a chef.
07:14No, they bring in a locum, and that's what we're going to do.
07:16We're going to bring in a locum chef.
07:18I don't think you'll find many doctors who can cook.
07:21Oh, go and check your passports.
07:24You're up to date.
07:27The beaches are gorgeous, and the Golden Sands Hotel looks smashing.
07:32Yeah?
07:33Oh, you've known one for at least three weeks.
07:35Oh, I see.
07:37All right, thank you very much.
07:38Oh, so much for round-the-clock catering services.
07:41Well, don't get too excited, Vicky.
07:42It looks like your father might have to cancel it.
07:44Don't be ridiculous, Tripp.
07:45Of course I can't cancel it.
07:47It was a cancellation already, which is why it was so cheap.
07:49Oh, it'll be even cheaper for the next customer, then.
07:52Robin, don't be so negative.
07:54Dad'll find someone, won't you, Dad?
07:55Oh, I hope so, darling.
07:57Ah, now, what about this one?
07:59VIP restaurant services.
08:01Oh, that sounds impressive.
08:02Actually, you're right, Vicky, because, I mean, after all,
08:04your dad's only on the Vs.
08:05We've got the W, X, Y, and Zs to go through, yeah?
08:11Ah, uh, VIP restaurant services.
08:13Uh, good morning.
08:14My name is Nichols.
08:15I own a French bistro.
08:17Now, my cook is going on holiday for a week.
08:21And I wondered if you had anybody available to, to, uh...
08:25Oh, it was fairly simple French cooking.
08:27Oh, good.
08:30I take it all your people have the necessary qualifications.
08:34Oh, really?
08:35Yes.
08:36And references?
08:38Excellent.
08:39Oh, yes, he sounds admirable.
08:42Yes, that's a good idea.
08:43Would you mind holding on just for a moment
08:45while I have a word with my man here?
08:47Uh, I'm not your man.
08:49I'm your partner.
08:50T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t.
08:50Now, shut up and listen.
08:52They've got a chap who sounds absolutely perfect.
08:54He's a highly qualified chef.
08:55Oh, he's a chef.
08:56I'm a cook.
08:58Now, they're going to send round a contract
08:59which we have to sign and send back with a cheque.
09:02And then their man will come round on Friday
09:04and go over the menu with you.
09:05And then he'll start on Monday.
09:06All right?
09:07Yes, terrific.
09:07Well, it doesn't seem as if we've got a lot of choice.
09:09Fine.
09:10I must say, it does sound excellent.
09:12Might do the restaurant a bit of good.
09:14Yes, that's fine.
09:17My restaurant is Robin's Nest.
09:19And we're at 42 Falconer's Walk, SW6.
09:23It's just off the Fulham Road.
09:24You can't miss it.
09:26Just think, in a few days' time, you'll be dipping your toes in the sea.
09:31I hope it's going to be all right leaving the restaurant for a week.
09:34Well, of course it'll be all right.
09:35Anyway, Dad will be here.
09:36Yes.
09:38Stop worrying.
09:39Mr. Chip!
09:40In here, Gertrude.
09:42Oh, Mr. Chip.
09:43Mr. Porter's here to see you.
09:45Who?
09:46The temporary cook.
09:48Chef.
09:48Chef.
09:49Oh, that's right.
09:49He's come to discuss the menu.
09:51Right, tell him I'll be done in a minute.
09:53What's he like, Gertrude?
09:54Oh, very nice.
09:55Very charming.
09:56See?
09:57Mm-hmm.
09:57Yes, but it doesn't mean to say he's a good cook.
09:59Chef.
10:00Chef.
10:01You might be rubbish.
10:02Well, let's hope so.
10:03Then our regulars won't even know you're away.
10:08Yes, we're just one big happy family here.
10:11Yeah, you couldn't find a friendlier pair than Mr. and Mrs. Tripp.
10:15Oh, sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Porter.
10:18Porter?
10:20Potter.
10:21Vernon Potter.
10:22Hello.
10:23Out.
10:23Get out.
10:24Out.
10:24Go on, out.
10:25Get out.
10:26Get out.
10:26Get out.
10:28How are you, Robin?
10:29Long time no see.
10:30Not long enough, Vernon.
10:32Vernon, I've no wish to be rude, but what are you doing here?
10:35My dear Jackie.
10:37You could never be rude to me.
10:39Then I'll have to try a bit harder.
10:41What the hell are you doing here?
10:43VIP, uh, VIP Restaurant Services sent me to help you out for a week.
10:46Vernon Potter.
10:47To help me out?
10:48God, it's an impossibility.
10:50It's like sending someone a suicide bell.
10:53Albert, would you excuse us?
10:55Oh, certainly you carry on, Mrs. Tripp.
10:57Don't mind us.
11:00Oh, but could you, um, could you, uh, could you, uh, could you, could you go into the kitchen
11:04and, uh, count the pots and pans, uh, people?
11:07Don't need any help when it comes to counting pots and pans.
11:12Bye, bye, Mrs. Pym.
11:13Bye, Mr. Riddle.
11:14See you next week.
11:15No, you won't, Vernon.
11:16Why, are they having the week off as well?
11:19Robin, I trust I'll have some staff to help me out.
11:21You'll have no staff to help you out, Vernon, because you're not going to be working here.
11:26Oh, aren't you going on holiday?
11:27No!
11:28Vernon, knowing you the way I do, now, do you really think I would go on holiday and
11:32leave you in charge of my restaurant?
11:34Depends how badly you want the holiday.
11:35Not that badly, Vernon.
11:36I want a job to come back to.
11:38Bobby, oh, mate.
11:41You're missing the point.
11:42The whole beauty of having someone like me from VIP Restaurant Services is to allow you
11:47to have a carefree holiday without a worry in the world.
11:50I'm missing the point.
11:51I am missing the point.
11:52Do you see what he does to me?
11:53Robin, please, calm down.
11:55Yes, calm down, Robin.
11:56You know, Jackie, he ought to take a holiday.
11:58He's very overwrought.
11:59Look, Vernon.
11:59Shut up, Robin.
12:00Vernon, may I just say something?
12:02Of course.
12:03Talking to you, Jackie, is not only a pleasure, but a privilege.
12:06The name, the name is Vicky.
12:08Vicky.
12:09Vicky.
12:10Oh, silly me.
12:11You know what I'm like when it comes to names.
12:12I know what you're like when it comes to anything.
12:14Shut up.
12:15Vernon, it doesn't matter what you call me.
12:17I really don't mind because we're not going to be seeing much more
12:20of each other.
12:21Mind you, I might see you before you leave on Monday.
12:23I'll be in pretty early, first day and all that.
12:25Do you see what I mean?
12:26He doesn't listen to you, does he?
12:28Talking to Vernon Potter is like wading through porridge.
12:32Very good, Robin.
12:33I like that.
12:34I like that.
12:34I must remember that expression.
12:37I'm sure you agree that when you get somebody in from an agency,
12:40there's always an element of risk.
12:41Oh, yes, absolutely.
12:43Yes, well, with you, Vernon, there's no element of risk whatsoever,
12:46because we know what you're like.
12:48Well, thank you.
12:50Unreliable, untrustworthy and totally disreputable.
12:54Now, I don't want to be nasty.
12:56No, you be nasty.
12:57Be nasty.
12:57Shut up, Robin.
12:59Vernon, if you were the last chef on their books, we wouldn't want you here.
13:03I am the last chef on their books.
13:05We still don't want you here.
13:07Well, if you've changed your mind, of course, that's your privilege.
13:10I mean, you've paid for me to work here.
13:12Vernon, I'd pay for you not to work here.
13:14Well, Robbie, old mate, that's exactly what you'll be doing,
13:16because I can't see them refunding your money at this late stage.
13:19Well, don't you worry about that, Vernon, because I'll sort it all out.
13:22Okay.
13:22Okay.
13:23Fine.
13:23Fine.
13:23Lovely.
13:24Lovely, yes.
13:24Oh, by the way, Vicky, these are for you.
13:29Oh.
13:29I believe you had a baby.
13:31Uh, two, actually.
13:33Two?
13:33Oh, good lord.
13:34Is it so long since I last saw you?
13:36No, it's not.
13:37Now go, Vernon, please, before I start feeling sorry for you,
13:40which is exactly what you want.
13:42Don't be silly.
13:44That's the last thing I want.
13:51No need to feel sorry for me.
13:55Bye.
14:00Robin.
14:01No, Vicky, Vicky, don't, don't fall for that spaniel act.
14:04It's a typical Vernon Potter ploy.
14:06Oh, well, Robin, perhaps we were a bit high.
14:07Don't weaken.
14:09Did you call?
14:11No, Vernon, go.
14:12Go?
14:13Go.
14:14Are you sure?
14:16Yes.
14:16Fine.
14:25But surely you must be wrong.
14:27The man can't be as bad as you say.
14:29No, you're right.
14:29He's worse.
14:31You seem like a nice young chap if you ask me.
14:34Nobody asked you, Riddle.
14:35I know.
14:36That's why I'm telling you.
14:38Please, Albert, we've got a crisis on our hands.
14:41Mr. Nichols, I think what we should do, we should go round there and sort it out.
14:44Now, if they can't give us a proper chef, we demand our money back.
14:47But I can't understand it.
14:49The man of the agency assured me that he had the highest qualifications.
14:53Did you ask to see them?
14:54I didn't have to look at his qualifications.
14:56We went to the same college.
14:57Goodness, I see what you mean.
15:01In our last term, we had to go out in the field and do some practical work.
15:05He was sent to a factory canteen.
15:08Next day, 300 workers went down with food poisoning.
15:11Well, I'm not surprised if they had their dinner in a field.
15:14Albert, can you go in there and count the tables?
15:23Count the tables?
15:25Well, with Vernon Potter round, you'd never know.
15:30Having the best, you should leave the talking to me.
15:33I'm used to handling management.
15:34All right, but if you want any dirt flung around about Vernon Potter, I'm your man.
15:37I've known him a long time and I've still got the scars to prove it.
15:41You mean he's violent?
15:42No, financial and emotional scars.
15:46Can I help you?
15:47Uh, yes.
15:48Good morning.
15:50I should like to speak to your MD.
15:51My name is Nichols.
15:52Who?
15:53Nichols.
15:54Yes, I know that.
15:55But who do you want to see?
15:57The MD.
15:58Your managing director.
16:01Your employer.
16:02Oh, I was in there.
16:04Oh, thank you.
16:08You stay here.
16:09I'll sort this out.
16:17Do you have many temporary chefs on your books?
16:20I wouldn't know.
16:21I only work here.
16:32I suppose temporary chefs can make quite a lot of money.
16:36I wouldn't know.
16:39I hope you don't mind me asking you these questions.
16:41Oh, no.
16:42I like a nice chat.
16:45Well, that's absolutely splendid.
16:47It's been very nice talking to you.
16:48Bye.
16:50Well, that's that.
16:50All sorted out.
16:51Well done.
16:52So, what happened?
16:53As I thought, you overreacted.
16:54What?
16:55Look, I've just had a chat with the MD in there, who is, I must say, an absolutely charming and
16:59most helpful person.
17:00And he assures me that your friend, Potter, is a changed man, entirely reliable and trustworthy
17:06and an excellent chef.
17:07Just look at these references.
17:09What?
17:09He has given me his personal assurances as managing director that we shall not be disappointed
17:13in your friend, Mr. Potter.
17:15He is not my friend.
17:16I can't stand him.
17:17Is he your boss?
17:18Well, of course I'm biased because I know him, which is more than that man does in there.
17:22And I'm going to tell him what the real Werner Potter's like.
17:24No, no, no, no, no.
17:24Please, Mr. Nichols.
17:25It's got to be said.
17:26How can...
17:27You were saying?
17:30No, no, no, no.
17:31Look, I'm telling you something about this.
17:32Mr. uh...
17:33Potter.
17:34Potter.
17:34Mr. Potter.
17:35Look, I've told my son-in-law that I have your personal assurance that we shall not be
17:38disappointed in Vernon...
17:42What did you say your name was?
17:44Potter.
17:47No relation to a Mr. Vernon Potter, I suppose.
17:50He is Vernon Potter, you berk.
17:52Don't call me a berk.
17:54I didn't know.
17:54He told me he was managing director of VIP restaurant services.
17:57I am.
17:58Vernon, Ian, Potter, restaurant services.
18:01And you have the gall to sit there and tell me how marvellous Vernon Potter is.
18:05Well, I can only speak as I find, Mr. Nichols.
18:08As managing director, I've always found Mr. Potter to be absolutely reliable, trustworthy,
18:12and what's more...
18:13Oh, shut up!
18:15Now, Vernon, these glowing references, who wrote them?
18:18My employer.
18:19Well, who's that?
18:20Me.
18:22Well, I'm self-employed.
18:23Not Mr. Nichols, yes.
18:25Right, right.
18:26Now, Potter, just give me my money back and we'll call it a day.
18:29Of course, of course.
18:30We've never had any complaints about Mr. Potter before.
18:33Vernon.
18:35Vernon.
18:35But if you want to cancel the agreement, that's up to you.
18:37I do.
18:38I most definitely want to cancel the agreement.
18:40Fine.
18:41No problem.
18:43Oh, while I'm writing out your cheque,
18:47perhaps you'd like a copy of the contract so you can study the small print.
18:58So, out of all the money you've paid him, he's only obliged to return ten percent?
19:02Mm-hmm.
19:03Unless we give three weeks' notice.
19:04But we can't.
19:05Well, exactly, darling.
19:07I should have read the small print.
19:09Oh, Mr. Nichols, it's not your fault.
19:11It all happened on the spur of the moment.
19:13Well, you're not going to let him get away with it, are you?
19:14Well, darling, what can I do?
19:16I mean, he's within the law.
19:17He hasn't done anything legally wrong.
19:19Oh, that Vernon Potter, he's... he's... he's a weasel.
19:25Oh, don't say that, Vicky.
19:26Why not?
19:27It's unfair to weasels.
19:31Well, it all goes to show you can't go on first impressions, if you ask me.
19:36Riddle, will you shut up for two minutes?
19:38Certainly.
19:40This land goes our week's holiday.
19:41Oh, no, no, no, darling.
19:43But, Dad.
19:43Now, I promised you a holiday and a holiday you are going to have.
19:46I never break my promises.
19:47Oh, Dad.
19:48Yes.
19:49Anyway, if I cancelled that, we wouldn't get any money back.
19:51I read that small print.
19:53Well, Vicky, send me a postcard.
19:56No, no, no, you're going too.
19:57Huh?
19:58Oh, yes, we'll close the bistro.
20:00Shut up for a week.
20:01A week?
20:02You said two minutes.
20:04What are we going to do?
20:45Oh, I am glad we chose the Golden Sands Hotel.
20:55It's got two pools, free babysitting service and its own private beach.
21:01Actually, you know, your father's been marvellous about all this.
21:03Yes, he's not a bad old stick, is he?
21:05No, he's been terrific. I can't believe it, a week's holiday.
21:08Yes. Have you got Spanish pesetas for when we arrive?
21:11No, only English pesetas.
21:13You know what I do.
21:14I have got passport tickets, travellers' checks and pesetas.
21:19And you.
21:23Robbie!
21:24I don't believe it.
21:26It's got to be a nightmare. Don't look up.
21:29Hello, Robbo. Hello, Betty.
21:32I thought it was you. You managed to get away, then.
21:34Oh, I am pleased.
21:36I had a bit of luck.
21:37Suddenly found myself with a spare week,
21:40so I thought I'd snatch a few days in the sun.
21:42Oh, are these your offspring?
21:44Hello, hello.
21:46Coochie, coochie, coochie, coo.
21:48Say hello to your Uncle Vernon.
21:51Oh, I love kids.
21:53Can't wait to have some myself.
21:56Right, Ricky, come on. That's us.
21:59You're not going to Tenerife as well.
22:02What a coincidence.
22:04You're not staying at the Hotel Conquistador, are you?
22:07No, we're not.
22:07Good, good.
22:08Because I stayed there last year. Bloody awful.
22:10So I'm going to try the Golden Sand.
22:12Supposed to be very good.
22:13Here, Betty, let me carry that.
22:15I'll take the babies.
22:16Yeah, it's got two pools, private beach.
22:18Oh, we'll have some fun.
22:19Isn't this a coincidence?
22:21Don't worry about the babies.
22:48Don't worry about the babies.
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