- 23 hours ago
First broadcast 20th November 1978.
Robin complains about never being able to get a picture on his television.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Dennis Ramsden - Mr. Wardale
Tim Barrett - Reginald Boniface
John Dunbar - Duffy
Robin complains about never being able to get a picture on his television.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Dennis Ramsden - Mr. Wardale
Tim Barrett - Reginald Boniface
John Dunbar - Duffy
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00This video is brought to you by S.T.O.N.
00:30good night thank you for coming Robin if you're not busy I could do with a hand I'll help miss
00:51where's Robin oh he shot upstairs to see the television a late night cookery program he
00:58probably wanted to pick up a few tips which is more than I did tonight miserable stingy lot of
01:04customers the Albert look at that a six pound bill and they've left me what nine pence that
01:12tells you more about them than credit cards ever can call me cousin Moran some other time Albert
01:18right I'm off to bed and I suggest you do the same that's very generous if you miss but where will
01:26mr. trip sleep no Albert I meant let's call it a night
01:31eh I'll be away then what's that for I just a few me worldly possessions sentimental value that's all
01:48given to me be be auntie Leonora a lovely smile she had that's how I'll always remember her
01:55drinking tea with a great row of gleaming white choppers coming over the top of her saucer
02:01I can just imagine it oh you don't have to imagine nothing miss I'll show you
02:05the smile that could light up a room to do it justice you've got to picture the face going around
02:17it after these teeth could only talk I wonder what they'd say probably good night Albert
02:25don't tell me let me guess a statue of liberty close I'm a lightning conductor it's not working
02:53that makes two of you yeah I'm sorry about that but it's just this cooking thing I wanted to watch
02:57you see yeah so Albert said is the set on the blink again yeah it's the same every evening
03:01have you tried your horizontal hole oh I thought you never asked
03:04excuse me madam I'm doing a survey how do you feel about sex on TV
03:13I don't mind as long as the top's been dusty
03:16oh who needs the television we can make our own live entertainment why don't you get hold of a TV
03:23repair man because I prefer getting hold of you
03:25yeah I'm worried about Albert he was acting a bit strange tonight well he acts a bit strange
03:32every night I know yes I know but he wasn't his usual self I mean he didn't break anything
03:37no and he seemed reluctant to go and he had this bag with him what dirty Agnes
03:44no a bag what what what do you think it's causing all this it's probably local interference why don't
03:53you get onto the post office about it well don't you think I've tried but I keep ignoring all my
03:57letters you're much too polite you want to try a few four-letter words that might get some results
04:01are so you'll ring them up tomorrow will you I thought this might interest you
04:23uh no thank you I've already got one I never buy it it's late spare me the satire in you go
04:29what's happened just now about 10 minutes ago I was proceeding along the road in the direction
04:35of the junction in an orderly fashion what what at the moment you sound like police fire get on with
04:40it please the suspense is killing me shall we say a citizen's arrest eh I've done nothing sir
04:45absolutely nothing your employment record speaks for itself at all I want to know why you were
04:50sculking along the road I was walking I admit I might have broken into the occasional skulk if you
04:58ask me he's broken into more than that dad Albert what's wrong now come on let's hear Albert's first
05:03yeah yeah all in good time sir I want to know how I stand legally hunched over in the dock if there's
05:10any justice look sharp and open that back oh very well something tells me he's got half the restaurant
05:18cutlery in here hmm a false bottom perhaps no no sir it's me own you can all have a good look if you
05:34like it won't bite you oh it might at that did I ever tell you about yes yes Albert are you satisfied not
05:42entirely no I think he's lying through his teeth oh they're not mine what oh never mind it would take
05:49all night very well riddle but let this be a lesson to you next time you could find yourself in prison
05:54hang out prison listen you should be apologizing to him not threatening him sorry
06:03you know I'm sure Albert's got a perfectly good explanation has he have I oh yes of course
06:16I had to leave me lodgings sudden last night so I'm now as they say of no fixed abode oh how awful
06:25why did you have to leave so suddenly had the landlord accused me of rowdy ism but it was big Murphy
06:30that started the fighting big Murphy hulking great brute sheer muscle all the way down
06:36oh she doesn't know her own strength where are you going to sleep tonight Albert I'd snuggle down
06:43somewhere warm and look up at the stars the Odin will be closed Albert I know sir down at the bomb site
06:51yeah perhaps I could have a lend your daily mirror it'll provide me with a bit of cover oh you can't do
06:58that no no no of course not you must take my times it's bigger well I think sir all things considered
07:06the time has come for the partner the ways I'll take the boat back to the old country you go back
07:13twilight yes yes mind you I could be talked out of it
07:18very well riddle we accept your resignation all in all a good night's work I think well darling I'll
07:33call around to see you in the morning to discuss a replacement good night darling good night goodbye
07:41well I'd best be on me way as well sir oh Albert don't you know anybody with a spare room well there's
07:51not many put themselves out miss Robin for one night and we've got that sunbed thing Albert could
07:58easily Vicky Vicky Vicky can I have a word with you in the kitchen please uh will you excuse us for
08:02one moment Albert uh chat amongst yourself look poor old thing we we can't have him walking the streets
08:12uh skulking your father said well we could easily make up a bed tonight yeah I know but it won't be so
08:16easy to make up a story tomorrow story yeah for your father if he finds out that Albert slept here
08:21tonight he'll go berserk well look look at it this way suppose that poor old wreck was your father
08:28he's not he's yours
08:30I meant Albert and it is only for one night yeah I know but your father he'll say it's all
08:37unhygienic I mean oh dossing down here next door to the veal and ham pie
08:42if the pie doesn't complain why should we no but Albert's got his pride he doesn't accept charity
08:49I bet you if we offered him a bed for tonight he'd turn us down fat well there's only one way to find
08:55out Albert if it's all the same to you I just have a swill down in the sink before I turn in
09:03now listen I'm sick and tired of all these lame excuses you keep giving me do you understand this
09:10I'm sick and tired of it I mean I told you I reported this interference on my television set
09:16three weeks ago and what have you done about it eh nothing sweet nothing good
09:21oh hello you're back so what did he say
09:25let's have a coffee break no don't interrupt him no it's all right I'm here all day yes any time
09:31will do thank you so much you're very kind yes goodbye now goodbye bloody fascist
09:37you really tore into them didn't you oh it's the only way to get results
09:41Albert left a thank you note it seems he appreciated our hospitality and is sorry about the pop-up toaster
09:48which doesn't anymore doesn't what pop up do you know he shouldn't be allowed anyway don't worry
09:54leave it at me I'll fix it you repair something Vicky come on give me some credit anyway the
09:59leaflet says it's easy enough even for a child to master oh fine I'll ring mrs. Burgess and see
10:03if her son can pop in on his way back from school don't be upset Vicky a nine-year-old boy
10:08anyway I haven't paid him yet for mending this mixer
10:10I smelt coffee and followed my instincts you're up early this morning ah well you see on my way here
10:19I popped into the job center any luck I'm afraid they're not too optimistic actually yes well I
10:28suppose there can't be many openings for a man of your age Victoria does he do it deliberately to
10:34annoy me yes you did say you've been to the job center well I wasn't looking for a job I merely let it
10:42be known that we now have a vacancy since the Irish person has left us oh come on pull the other leg
10:48it's got bells on I have no wish to tamper with your musical leg as far as I'm concerned Albert Riddle
10:56is no longer employed here I accepted his resignation last night now what we need is a full-time assistant
11:02I don't see why Albert was any casual labor casual to the point of indifference anyway with any luck by
11:08now he's halfway back to the Emerald Isle so let's have a cup of that delicious coffee ah yes uh Vicky
11:14could you put the kettle on no no no no I want some of the real thing in here all right if we discount
11:29Goldilocks who's been sleeping in that bed well the fact is yes Robin and I forgive me all four of
11:40you yes very well carry on well we we felt rather sorry for Albert you have allowed that Derek to
11:47sleep in here where human beings eat possibly have done such a thing why if the public health inspectors
11:55get wind of this they'll have us out of here so fast our feet won't touch the ground I told you
12:01he'd go berserk it's it's the deceit that upsets me Victoria if you had come to me and said dad
12:08Albert Riddle is homeless couldn't we as an act of Christian compassion give him a bed for the night
12:14why then I would have I would have listened to you I would have discussed it with you and then you'd
12:18have gone berserk precisely right mr. Duffy would you wait over there please yes
12:28ah good morning Duffy how's the window cleaning coming along if they find out I'm working they'll
12:40stop my dole money say no more you still washing up oh indeed I am it's a smashing job
12:48good morning to you mr. Windale the name is Wardale now can't you read I was never very good at
13:00reading the words sir look lovely at the figures not the words it's been a grave disadvantage with
13:06the signposts yes yes it must be how do you mean signposts well I can always read how many miles it is
13:14but I'm not sure where to my cousin Morris had the same problem he always used to say I
13:21I do have no time to waste on your relations I assume you've come here to sign on let's get on
13:26with it shall we thank you is um is something the matter mr. Wardale Windale but no you're right
13:38can you imagine why I'm confused you realize you've been drawing unemployment benefit for the
13:45last 12 months as long as that is it amazing how the time goes when you're enjoying yourself
13:52enjoying yourself idling at the state's expense surely you can find casual labor of some sort oh I
14:00could never demean meself with nothing casual sir no not with all me previous experience some of your
14:06previous experience is mind-boggling yes you put down here criminal detection you were with the
14:11police for a short while they just overnight while I helped them with their inquiries and you've no
14:20suitable vacancy for me at present I trust computer expert lecture and thermal dynamics marine biologist
14:29marine biologist hmm would that be working with the fish and chips
14:34now I come to think of it the job center did come up with something earlier this morning
14:39ah yes this should shoot you down to the ground it's a part-time employment it's a washer up in a
14:45restaurant I've no experience of that sort sir there's a first time for everything riddle
14:50I've been told it's rather a splendid little restaurant I've been meaning to try it myself
14:55it's none of my business mr wardale but would you be happy doing part-time washing
15:02I meant as a diner it's called robin's nest a young couple run it mr. and mrs. um trip you
15:12know them hey do I know who sir you said trip oh no sir no no begging your pardon I said slip slip
15:19of the tongue no I never heard no I was confused by the sudden offer of employment no I'm afraid I
15:26wouldn't be suited at all so it's all the same to you I'll just draw me benefits until something more
15:32fitting comes along thank you riddle I've been given to understand sir that I'm about to be replaced
15:56oh no Albert that was all a misunderstanding it's just that last night when you said to mr. Nichols
16:01I resign he just sort of took you out of your word and there's few who do that sir no it's taken an
16:06unfair advantage after all I'm just a simple man everyone says so look if it makes you feel better
16:13you are now reinstated at this very moment how about that I'll mull it over sir
16:19ah good evening sir table for one no miss I'm here on official business with a mr. trip oh right
16:28just a moment someone to see you mr. trip ah thank you mrs. trip good evening sir mr. trip is it yes
16:38now sir before I go any further I'm obliged to inform you that I am from the post office oh and
16:42I'm obliged to hear it are you sure so I'm not usually welcome with open arms well I'm not proud I
16:47mean I think all this class to think you think is a thing of the past if it was a very good idea
16:51I rang up yes well it depends how you look at it sir it was your letters and phone call which
16:55prompted us to peruse our records yes well we'll go up so shall we mr. bonnie face
16:59Vicky can you hold the fort for five minutes yes but don't be any longer
17:08Robin how do I stop this sauce from going all dollopy
17:11don't even try their dumplings keep stirring
17:15it's a bit awkward when you're single-handed
17:22now sir you do realize the nature of my visit yes you're from the post office precisely yes and
17:31I'd like to say that I'm a regular and valued customer of yours I mean I often pop into your
17:35shop and buy a book of your stamps my department sir investigates the domestic usage of television
17:43and radio apparatus yes well I was beginning think you'd never get round to me we get round to
17:46everyone sooner or later sir do you mind turning on the set please yes and there if that isn't local
17:54interference I don't know what is nevertheless sir that remains a television receiver you amazed me I
18:00thought it was a hairdryer very dry sir thank you do you own this set sir is it rented no I own it
18:06and how long have you owned it sir about three years and during that time sir have you purchased
18:10a license for it a license well I suppose in the last three years I must have bought one in three
18:16years you must have bought three sir albert I haven't taken the order for table four yet and
18:23you've been waiting for about five minutes leave it to me miss good evening sir good evening
18:33riddle ah that's right I am hello there is this seat taken no oh good but how can you I'm sure you
18:45won't mind me joining you you're probably like myself glad of a bit of company when you've got your
18:50feed bag on look riddle there are plenty of empty tables you'd rather we moved I'd rather I dined
18:55alone it's quite a coincidence finding you here I mean I only dropped in because you said it was good
19:01but how can you afford to eat here on social security money with great difficulty sir
19:06excuse me good evening oh Robin can I dump these dumplings well yeah Vicky Vicky Vicky where's our
19:21license oh where it always is with the wedding photos are you sure we've got one yes of course we have
19:27don't you remember how it got all soggy and tear-stained what are you talking about all that
19:31sobbing in the vestry I thought you'd never stop I'm not talking about the wedding license I've got
19:37the TV license now where is it search me I ain't got time I come and help me I'm busy
19:43cockle fin would that be the duck
19:48evening darling ah busy busy I see dad I'm rushed off my feet Robin's upstairs with the post office
19:58not to worry the cavalry has arrived you carry on cooking and I'll take the orders
20:02ah good evening sir are you ready to order yes I'll start with the onion soup one onion soup
20:14yeah and I love the same that's two onion you but you've been fired with enthusiasm for the food
20:25sir yes and one onion soup and is this person annoying you oh not at all so we're old acquaintance
20:30what are you doing here riddle having dinner with me friend mr. Windale Wardale
20:37yes oh very well I can't stop you coming in here to eat but I can see the color of your money
20:44never known anything like this before no no no no sir I didn't actually mean you oh on the other
20:51hand if you're with him I was hoping you could take the cost of the meal out of me wages what wages
20:58oh wages yes you see I decided to take the job you offered me this morning here in this place good heavens
21:05well I couldn't be more pleased just a moment well perhaps I should explain you see I work at the
21:10Department of Employment yes yes yes I was in there myself this morning oh oh I see well I'm afraid the
21:17vacancies being filled no I own the place and I wouldn't be wanting all that money you were offering
21:26sir I take a pound a week less riddle I have absolutely no intention a pound a week less casual
21:31labor is very difficult to get these days yes yes look we thought we had a license honestly
21:37that's what we all say sir good evening evening and I've never watched BBC one anyway riddle why
21:46would you take a pound a week less because um well I I'm fed up drawing the dole money sir you see I've
21:54been doing it for for nearly a year you've been drawing the dough money for the past two pounds a
22:07week less good I've just employed riddle at a reduced rate he was already oh I'm very happy with it miss
22:14some sort of strike come on back into the kitchen not you oh sorry another busy night yeah most
22:34probably be in the local paper what that we had a busy night oh bistro owning no TV license shock horror
22:40scandal I shouldn't worry about it didn't some film star once say any publicity is good publicity
22:47as long as they spell your name right I think it was Clark Grable okay well I've locked up and seen
22:55riddle off the premises might even make the national press Robin trips up over TV license any publicity
23:03as good publicity as long as they spell your name right uh Betty Gable Grable well good night
23:11darling I'll see you in the morning Robin trips up I wonder where Albert will sleep tonight oh he'll
23:22find a parked car or something don't worry about him he'll be okay
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