- 11 hours ago
First broadcast 24th December 1980.
Vicky has to spend Christmas in hospital after giving birth to the twins.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Barbara Murray - Marion Nicholls
John Louis Mansi - Pedro (as Louis Mansi)
Paul McDowell - Doctor
Yvette Harris - Nurse
Vicky has to spend Christmas in hospital after giving birth to the twins.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Tessa Wyatt - Vicky
Tony Britton - James Nicholls
David Kelly - Albert
Barbara Murray - Marion Nicholls
John Louis Mansi - Pedro (as Louis Mansi)
Paul McDowell - Doctor
Yvette Harris - Nurse
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:25I'll be right back.
00:36Bye, bye-bye. Glad you enjoyed your lunch. Yes, bye-bye. Bye-bye, don't you? Oh, thank you very much.
00:41Thank you. Yes, bye-bye.
00:45Right, that's the last time we have an office party. They drink too much, they're noisy, they can't make up
00:49their minds. Some of them want cranberry sauce.
00:51Some of them want stuffing.
00:53They all do, Albert. Honestly, drunken singing, dancing on the table. I never knew undertakers behaved like that.
00:59At least they left half a carafe of wine. I'll just put it into these two glasses for safekeeping.
01:05Yeah, that's a good idea, Albert. So, Albert, what's your plans then?
01:11I thought I'd drink it, sir.
01:14I mean, for the rest of Christmas.
01:16Ah, yeah. I'll be on me own.
01:19What about Gertrude?
01:20No, she'll be away. Rugby.
01:23I didn't know she played.
01:26I know, sir. Her mother lives up there.
01:29Gertrude's gone to cook her goose.
01:31Yes, I think I know what you mean, Albert.
01:33So, I'll be all on me own tomorrow with me sprig of holly stuck in me cheese on toast.
01:38Good, good.
01:39And you'll be all on your own with that enormous turkey and the Christmas pudding and the mince pies.
01:45Albert, Albert, listen.
01:47How about sharing it with me?
01:49I didn't know you liked cheese on toast.
01:52Oh, well, I mean, I mean...
01:54I mean, come here.
01:55Ah, what a surprise.
01:56Give me a minute while I think about it.
01:58Yes.
02:01Well, I've scraped the plates, emptied the pans and stashed the whole lot in the dishwasher.
02:06What exactly is your function in this place, Riddle?
02:09Have you switched it on yet?
02:11Not yet.
02:12Then that's where I come in.
02:16How on earth do you expect to run a successful restaurant with a lazy, incompetent staff?
02:20Oh, come on, Mr. Nicholls.
02:21You're doing your best.
02:22I am not staff.
02:25I wouldn't even be here if you had a better sense of timing.
02:27Pardon?
02:28Fancy allowing Victoria to give birth in Christmas week.
02:32Shoddy planning.
02:34Well, I didn't have my pocket diary on me at the time.
02:38In fact, I didn't have any pockets on me.
02:40In fact, I was...
02:40No, no, no, spare, spare, spare, spare, spare, spare.
02:44You realise, of course, that young James and little Nicola will never have any birthday presents.
02:48It will be Christmas and birthday combined for the poor little...
02:51Wait, what the...
02:52James and Nicola?
02:54Ah, yes.
02:54Well, just a suggestion.
02:56Better than riddles.
02:58Mork and Mindy.
03:01Have you signed wrong names for them yet?
03:04No, not really.
03:05I mean, what goes with trip?
03:07Apart from day.
03:08Or mystery.
03:12Don't push, young man.
03:14I'm the father.
03:15So am I.
03:16And the grandfather.
03:17We outrank you.
03:19Oh, darling.
03:21Victoria, you look absolutely radiant.
03:24And I think you look radiant, too.
03:27In fact, I think she looks a lot more radiant than what you think she looks.
03:31I feel rotten.
03:32Nonsense, darling.
03:33We know best.
03:34You look absolutely radiant.
03:36Now, tell me, how are young James and the babies?
03:39Oh, they're radiant.
03:41It's me that's rotten.
03:42I feel sort of deflated.
03:45Well, you look it.
03:46I'm sorry, Harry.
03:46I mean, you are all right, aren't you?
03:48Oh, yes.
03:49Just that I was hoping to be home by Christmas.
03:51See?
03:52Shoddy planning.
03:54Well, look, perhaps if I ask the doctor.
03:55Hang on a minute.
03:56Excuse me.
03:57Excuse me.
03:57Doctor.
03:58Yes?
03:58When can my wife come home?
04:00Ah, well, a day.
04:01Three days' time.
04:02A week.
04:03A fortnight.
04:04Pardon?
04:05It all depends.
04:06Which one's your wife?
04:07Oh, sorry.
04:07Here, that one there.
04:09The radiant one.
04:10They're all radiant.
04:11It's a well-known medical fact.
04:14Ah, yes.
04:15A touch anemic.
04:17I'd like to keep her in for a few days' rest.
04:18Oh, but doctor, it's Christmas.
04:20Oh, we have lots of fun in hospital over Christmas.
04:24Crackers, amusing hats, turkey and pudding, tinsel on the bedpans.
04:27Oh.
04:30Sounds like she's going to have a great time.
04:32What about me?
04:32Sorry, we're fully booked.
04:36Unless you're pregnant.
04:38Nice one, doc.
04:40Don't worry.
04:40She'll be home with the babies before you know it.
04:43Oh, yes.
04:44She's bonnie.
04:45And the other one's Clyde.
04:47Problem solved.
04:48Good.
04:49Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go and put some glitter on to Matron.
04:51Ah.
04:53Prisons.
04:53Now, you mustn't open them till tomorrow.
04:55This one's from Riddle.
04:56He says he knitted it himself.
04:58How?
04:59I didn't like to ask.
05:01And this one is from me.
05:02Ooh, what is it?
05:04Expensive.
05:05And this one's from me.
05:08Wow, Harrod's wrapping paper.
05:10What is it?
05:12Harrod's wrapping paper.
05:13It's all I can think.
05:14Now, don't open it.
05:15Now, wait till tomorrow.
05:16Don't be too nosy.
05:17Oh, by the way, I sent a telegram to Portugal to let your mother know the good news.
05:20Oh, great.
05:20Doubtless you'll be getting something from her, too.
05:23Sardine vouchers.
05:26Yes, I addressed it to dear Granny.
05:27That'll upset her.
05:29Well, I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to get you two any presents.
05:32What are you talking about?
05:33Bonnie and Clyde, they're the best presents I've ever had.
05:36What was wrong with the tie I gave you last year?
05:38Pardon?
05:40Listen, you two are getting together over Christmas, aren't you?
05:43Uh, well, him and me.
05:45Well, us.
05:46Yes.
05:47I mean, just because I can't be there, there's no reason why you can't have a nice family Christmas dinner.
05:51Yeah, I haven't been invited, darling.
05:52She hasn't been invited, so we don't...
05:54So, invite him.
05:55What?
05:55Invite him.
05:57Robin.
06:02Don't suppose you want to cut...
06:04You know, you don't have to if you don't want to.
06:06Go on, Dad.
06:08Accept.
06:08Oh, darling, I...
06:09Dad!
06:12Oh, all right, if you insist.
06:14Good.
06:15You know, there's something about motherhood that brings out the bully in me.
06:20Sorry, Mr. Mickles, we're closed.
06:22It's December the 25th.
06:24I know that, Riddle.
06:26I've been press-candidate coming here for lunch.
06:29And I'm just decorating the table.
06:31All it needs now is the holly in the middle.
06:33Where did I put it?
06:35I can think of far better...
06:36Oh!
06:36Oh, you found it.
06:39It'll go nicely in the middle here, with the snow and the log and the lovely little robin.
06:45Somebody call me.
06:47How are you?
06:49Well, Merry Christmas, I swear.
06:52Oh, please, Mr. Mickles, don't let us all get sloppy and sentimental.
06:55What are you doing here?
06:57You needn't be here for a couple of hours.
06:58The turkey won't be ready for a couple of hours yet.
06:59One has to allow a little time for a tiny aperitif.
07:02Oh.
07:04Oh, by the way, here you are.
07:07Oh, Mr. Mickles, you shouldn't have...
07:09Oh, nonsense.
07:10I mean, I haven't got you anything.
07:11Well, I shouldn't have.
07:15Cufflinks.
07:16Hmm.
07:17I don't wear cufflinks.
07:19Don't you?
07:19I do.
07:20That could be your present to me.
07:24Exquisite taste.
07:29A toast to me Auntie Bridie, who this year celebrates her 135th birthday.
07:36What?
07:37Oh, she always has two or three a year.
07:39She loves birthdays.
07:40Yeah.
07:41Well, a toast to Riddles' Auntie Bridie.
07:45And I should like to couple that.
07:46Good idea.
07:47Two toasts to me Auntie Bridie.
07:50I should like to couple that with a toast to my daughter.
07:53My wife.
07:54Victoria.
07:55Two are three of them.
07:58Oh, darling.
08:00They're gorgeous.
08:02Thank goodness they don't look like your father, have they?
08:06I didn't expect you to fly straight over.
08:09Oh, I couldn't wait to see my gra...
08:11My daughter's children.
08:13Did you bring your...
08:14Um, is, is, is Pedro with you?
08:18No, dear, he's sarking.
08:19Thinks I ought to have spent Christmas with him.
08:21Oh.
08:22Aren't they lovely?
08:25Yes.
08:26Brings it all back.
08:28The sleepless nights, changing nappies, and worst of all, that constant crying.
08:32Oh, I'm sorry.
08:34It wasn't you, dear.
08:34It was your father.
08:35He hated changing nappies.
08:38Is there anything for you?
08:39Oh, if that's a Pedro from Portugal, I don't want to talk to him.
08:42No, I think she means me, Mum.
08:44Hello?
08:45Hello.
08:45Hello, Vicky, it's me.
08:46I'm just ringing up to wish you a happy new year.
08:49Robin, it's not for another week yet.
08:51Well, I know.
08:51I've just spent half an hour with your father.
08:52It feels like a week.
08:54How are the babies?
08:55Are they any taller?
08:56Oh, they're fine.
08:58Oh, listen, my mother's here.
08:59Say hello.
09:01Hello.
09:02Let me have a word.
09:05Hello, darling.
09:06We all wish that you could be here having Christmas dinner with us.
09:09James, how kind of you, I'd say.
09:13Marian?
09:15My God.
09:17The stainless steel woman is there.
09:19I know.
09:20You'd better invite her out for dinner.
09:22I think I already did.
09:25When did you arrive?
09:26About an hour ago.
09:28I came here straight from the airport.
09:29I'm not sure it's wise, you know, all this rushing around now you're a granny.
09:34If you say so, dear.
09:35I never contradict my elders.
09:38Here's Victoria.
09:40Hello, Dad.
09:41Merry Christmas.
09:42And to you, darling.
09:43If there's any mists to around, give Robin a great big kiss for me.
09:47Yes, of course.
09:52We shall be coming in tonight.
09:53You can do it yourself then.
09:54Oh, you're such a spoiled sport.
09:56Mr. Tripp, do you allow smoking in the kitchen?
09:59Of course I don't, Albert.
10:00Well, you'd better come and tell that to your Brussels sprouts.
10:02What?
10:02Come on.
10:05Well, darling, I've got to go now.
10:07If your mother's coming around to eat, I must open the kitty cat.
10:14Well, there's a paper hat in it.
10:17Now, what else?
10:18Riddle.
10:19So there is.
10:20How did you know that?
10:25What has six legs and it'd kill you if it fell on you from a tree?
10:30A billiard table.
10:32A billiard.
10:32Ah, you know it.
10:35Right, here we are then.
10:37Roast potatoes and a special dish.
10:40Russell sprouts, Joan of Arc.
10:44Dorman.
10:45Dorman.
10:45Dorman.
10:46Dorman.
10:48How would you get a billiard table up a tree?
10:51I don't know, Albert.
10:52What's the answer?
10:53There isn't one.
10:54Well, that's the last time I buy those cheap crackers.
10:57Hello, James.
10:59Bring in the luggage and pay the taxi for me, will you?
11:03Hello, Robert.
11:04Robin.
11:05Yes.
11:07Lovely babies.
11:08The image of Victoria.
11:10Thank heavens.
11:11You probably remember Albert.
11:13Oh, probably.
11:14I'm the hired hand, madam.
11:16Allow me to fill you a glass.
11:18Oh, thank you.
11:20Twenty-seven pounds?
11:22Yes, well, I kept him ticking over while I talked to Victoria.
11:25Well, now, James, let's have a good look at you.
11:30Oh, dear.
11:33You probably have a portrait in the attic, getting younger by the day.
11:38Nice matching luggage, Marion.
11:40Sardine skin, is it?
11:42Come on, hold it, you J.D.
11:43It's Christmas, eh?
11:44Come on, let's have a nice Christmas meal.
11:46I'll go and carry you into Turkey.
11:48Fine, Albert.
11:49Now, just remember, a little bit of peace, goodwill, eh?
11:52The whole family, united.
11:53What did Albert say?
11:56He said he was going to carry in the...
11:58Albert!
12:22Time for another toast to the El Sard.
12:26Yes, do you, James.
12:32I think he actually meant Ireland.
12:34Coupled with...
12:35Have I toasted me Auntie Broidy?
12:38Both sides.
12:38Cheers, Albert.
12:39Cheers.
12:42I must say, that was a delicious meal, Roger.
12:47That duck pate...
12:49Robin.
12:50That Robin pate was...
12:53No more for her, little.
12:55So, how is Pedro, the fisherman?
12:58Learned to read, yeah?
13:01He is not a fisherman.
13:03He owns several canning factories,
13:06a fleet of trawlers,
13:08two warehouses,
13:10and as for his reading,
13:11he is up to book three of Janet and John.
13:15I'm on that one meself.
13:17Now, don't tell me how it turns out.
13:21I can just picture him, you know,
13:22squatting in the dust,
13:24mending his nets with a cactus thorn.
13:26Mr. Nichols.
13:27A goatskin of rough red wine
13:29to wash down his garlic sandwiches.
13:31Goodwill and all that.
13:32Pausing only to brush a lizard or two
13:34from his swarthy moustache.
13:38James.
13:39Hmm?
13:40I do believe you're jealous.
13:41Well, I'm not.
13:43Well, he is.
13:44He'd probably slit your throat
13:46if he knew I was having dinner with him.
13:49Listen, how about peace on earth?
13:51What?
13:51Oh, come on, let's change the subject.
13:53Which hotel are you staying at?
13:54I don't know.
13:55Where did you book me in?
13:56What do you mean?
13:57I didn't even know you were coming.
14:00Always excuses.
14:02Well, you'd better start
14:03ringing around the hotels then,
14:04don't you?
14:04Oh, you'll be lucky.
14:05London's full of visitors.
14:07You'll probably wind up on a park bench.
14:10Or staying with you.
14:12I'll ring around the hotels.
14:15Look, if you're really stuck,
14:17you can sleep on my settee.
14:20Sweet boy.
14:22A final toast.
14:23Final, that sounds a good idea.
14:25Right, Albert, what is it?
14:30How is everything?
14:31Okay.
14:31Yes, fine.
14:32I was rather hoping Albert
14:34might have turned up.
14:34Yes, well, he was having
14:35a little bit of trouble with his back.
14:37He couldn't get off it.
14:38Only I wanted to thank him
14:40for his present.
14:41He knitted me a glove.
14:42Oh, well, he's still working
14:44on the other one.
14:45You'll most probably get it
14:45next Christmas.
14:47Enjoy your dinner, Dad.
14:48Oh, yes, not bad, darling,
14:49not bad.
14:50Your mother and I
14:50pulled a wishbone together.
14:52It's so up into my eye.
14:55Yes, they really do work.
14:59Be careful, Marion.
15:01Your little laughter wrinkles
15:03are working their way
15:03down to your neck.
15:05Well, isn't this nice?
15:07Have they been like this all day?
15:09No, earlier on
15:10they were having a go
15:10at each other.
15:12Have you started
15:13up to a hotel yet?
15:14No.
15:14They're awful.
15:15No, that means
15:16you've got nowhere to stay.
15:18I'm afraid it doesn't.
15:25I can't think how
15:26you talk me into this, Marion.
15:29Oh, nonsense, James.
15:32You were always
15:33a pushover.
15:35Blow in your ear
15:36and you go all to pieces.
15:38Ah.
15:43Stop.
15:44See?
15:46That does not dislike
15:47me in the factest.
15:49Besides, what about
15:50your boyfriend?
15:51Oh, Pedro.
15:52I've no wish to be found
15:53down a dark alley
15:54with a frozen sardine
15:55between my shoulder blades.
15:57He didn't want me
15:58to come here
15:58for Christmas.
15:59Thought I should have
15:59spent it with him.
16:00You should have
16:01heard his language.
16:02What, Portuguese?
16:05He slapped my face.
16:07I slapped his.
16:08I hit him with a clock
16:10and that led to a row.
16:12Led to a row.
16:14I only wanted to see
16:15my grandchildren.
16:18Marion, you said it.
16:20What?
16:23Grandchildren.
16:26Oh, James.
16:28Aren't they beautiful?
16:31Yes.
16:32Yes, they are.
16:33You know, I think the little
16:34girl has got your eyes.
16:35Really?
16:36Oh, you always wear
16:39your best feature.
16:40What's wrong with my nose?
16:41Oh, nothing.
16:41Nothing wrong with your nose.
16:42Very fine nose.
16:43But it's outnumbered
16:44by your eyes.
16:49Uh, we're closed.
16:51Pedro, yo, Cesar.
16:53Marto, Fernando, da Costa.
16:56What?
16:57Christmas Day.
16:58Ah, how you do,
16:59Mr. Day?
17:01I am come from Portugal
17:03to descend on my woman,
17:06Marion.
17:07What?
17:07You're, you're, you're Pedro.
17:09Yo, Cesar, Marto,
17:11Fernando, da Costa.
17:12Come in, come in, come in,
17:13come in, come in, come in.
17:14Right.
17:15We had a big row.
17:17Oh, you've come by boat.
17:22A row, a row, a, a fight.
17:25Ah, with you.
17:26Say, with me, and with her.
17:28Uh, a row.
17:30Oh, I see.
17:30Well, perhaps...
17:31And I am coming here now
17:32to apologize.
17:33Yes, all right.
17:34Perhaps if you'd like
17:35to sit down there.
17:36All right, there we are.
17:37This is Albert.
17:38Albert Seamus Patrick
17:40Donegal Riddle.
17:41Pedro, yo, Cesar.
17:43All right, all right, all right,
17:44all right, all right.
17:44We'll be here all night.
17:45Sit down.
17:46I was wrong.
17:48Today she should be
17:49with her enormous children.
17:51Uh, grand, grand, grandchildren.
17:54Would you like a drink?
17:55No, no, please.
17:56You try this.
17:57This is Moriaco.
17:59Ah.
17:59It's a liqueur
18:00made from sardines.
18:04Very nice.
18:06Please, which hotel Marion is staying?
18:10Uh, yes, I'll check for you.
18:15Another brandy?
18:17Oh, James, you know what it always does to me.
18:20Uh-huh.
18:23Another brandy?
18:28You know, the hairs up your nostrils
18:30have all gone gray.
18:35Very distinguished.
18:37Oh, thank you.
18:39I must say, you've weathered the years
18:41rather well yourself.
18:43Make me sound like a town hall.
18:50Well, I think I shall take my brandy
18:52to bed with me.
18:54Good idea.
18:56Uh, you can have the main bedroom
18:58and I'll just make do with the spare room.
19:01That's the way you really want it, James.
19:05Well, uh...
19:06I hate drinking alone.
19:10Here do I.
19:10That's the way I am.
19:12That's the way you want to be.
19:20I never know.
19:23Oh.
19:36Uh...
19:36Uh.
19:38Uh.
19:39Uh.
19:39Uh.
19:39Uh.
19:40Uh.
19:56Hello. Hello, Mr. Nicholls. It's me. Listen, I think I'd better warn you, Pedro's hit town.
20:04No, Pedro, Pedro from Portugal. Pedro? Oh, Pedro. What's he want? Well, I don't know. It could be revenge, I
20:13suppose.
20:16What do you mean, revenge? Well, I accidentally let it slip that Marin was staying round at your place.
20:22You did what? What could I do with a knife stuck in my throat? He's on his way round.
20:29Oh, my God. What does he look like? Oh, he's about six foot seven. He's got arms like tree trunks.
20:38He's got this deep scar down the left side of his face, and it... Mr. Nicholls? Mr. Nicholls?
20:46You like her?
20:52Money ajo is very strong.
20:54See? Right, there we are, then. There's the address. Uh, you are expected.
20:59Oh, thank you.
21:01No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I...
21:04It wouldn't... I've been thinking about it. It just wouldn't be right.
21:06But I don't understand.
21:07Well, I mean, me sharing the same flat with you, I mean, you know, people might get the...
21:11the wrong idea, and, you know, I mean, they talk and so on, you know, so I...
21:15I think it's better if I, you know...
21:17No, darling, I think it's must the best if I just go off and stay with Trip,
21:21and I'll see you later. Goodbye, Marion.
21:24James!
21:25Ah!
21:29James.
21:37Ah, James, I knew you...
21:41Pedro, what are you doing here?
21:42I have come to eat humble cake.
21:47You were right, I was wrong.
21:49It's nice, so tell.
21:50If you think you can get round me by...
21:55What's that?
21:57He's an oncology.
22:04Well...
22:05In that case...
22:09Merry Christmas.
22:20Good grief, he's singing in his sleep.
22:22He just crushed out on the settee.
22:25By the way, I like the punk pyjamas.
22:29Which side do you prefer?
22:34Are you wearing anything?
22:37Just a splash of brute.
22:46Well, I don't want any funny business, young man.
22:50Look, you're going to be perfectly safe.
22:53As long as I'm awake.
22:56What?
22:57Oh, come on, that's insulting.
22:59Well, yes, yes, I suppose it is.
23:00After all, you have proved yourself, I suppose.
23:22What's that?
23:25It's mistletoe.
23:29I thought you'd never ask.
23:31I thought you'd never ask.
23:59Yeah.
24:23I thought you'd never ask me.
24:35from riddle he says he knitted it himself how i didn't like to ask this one is from me
24:41what is it expensive and this one's from me wow harrod's wrapping paper what is it harrod's
24:51wrapping paper it's all right now don't open it now wait till tomorrow don't be too nosy oh by the
24:56way i sent a telegram to portugal to let your mother know the good news oh great doubtless
25:00you'll be getting something from her too sardine vouchers yes i addressed it to dear granny that'll
25:07upset her i'm sorry i didn't have a chance to get you to any presents what are you talking about
25:12bonnie and clyde they're the best presents i've ever had what was wrong with the tie i gave you
25:17last year pardon listen you two are getting together over christmas aren't you uh well him
25:24him and me well us yes i mean just because i can't be there there's no reason why you can't
25:29have a nice
25:29family christmas dinner yeah i haven't been invited she hasn't been invited so we don't so invite him
25:34what invite him thank you robin don't suppose you don't suppose you want to cut you know you don't
25:44have to if you don't want to go on dad accept oh darling
26:14oh my god
26:25Bye. Bye-bye. Glad you enjoyed your life. Yes, bye-bye. Bye-bye, don't you? Oh, thank
26:29you very much. Thank you. Yes, bye-bye. Right, that's the last time we have an office party.
26:35They drink too much, they're noisy, they can't make up their minds. Some of them want cranberry
26:39sauce. Some of them want stuffing. They all do, Albert. Honestly, drunken singing, dancing
26:44on the table. I never knew undertakers behaved like that. At least they left half a carafe
26:50of wine. I'll just put it into these two glasses for safekeeping. That's a good idea, Albert.
26:56So are it. What's your plans, then? I thought I'd drink it, sir. Fancy allowing Victoria to
27:04give birth in Christmas week. Shoddy planning. Well, I didn't have my pocket diary on me at
27:11the time. In fact, I didn't have any pockets on me. In fact, I was...
27:15Spare, spare, spare. You realise, of course, that young James and little Nicola will never
27:21have any birthday presents? It'll be Christmas and birthday combined for the poor little...
27:25Wait, what the... James and Nicola? Ah, yes. Well, just a suggestion, better than riddles.
27:32Mork and Mindy. Have you signed on names for them yet? No, not really. I mean, what goes
27:40with trip, apart from day? Or mystery? Don't push, young man. I'm the father. So am I.
27:50And the grandfather. We outrank you. Oh, darling, Victoria, you look absolutely radiant.
27:58Ah, mwah. And I think you look radiant, too. In fact, I think she looks a lot more radiant
28:03than what you think she looks. I feel rotten. Nonsense, darling. We know best. You look
28:09absolutely radiant. Now, tell me, how are young James and, er, the babies? Oh, they're
28:14radiant. It's me that's rotten. I feel sort of... deflated. Well, you look it. I'm sorry,
28:20I mean, you are all right, aren't you? Oh, yes. Just that I was hoping to be home by Christmas.
28:25See? Shoddy planning. Well, look, perhaps if I ask the doctor. Hang on a minute. Excuse
28:31me. Excuse me. Doctor. Yes? When can my wife come home? Ah, well, today. Three days' time.
28:37A week. A fortnight. Pardon? It all depends. Which one's your wife? Oh, sorry, er, that one
28:43there. The, er, the radiant one. They're all radiant. It's a well-known medical fact. Ah, yes.
28:50A touch anemic. I'd like to keep her in for a few days' rest. Oh, but, doctor, it's Christmas.
28:54Oh, we have lots of fun in hospital over Christmas. Crackers, amusing hats, turkey and pudding, tinsel
29:01on the bedpans. Sounds like she's going to have a great time. What about me? Sorry, we're
29:08fully booked. Unless you're pregnant. Nice one, doc. Don't worry, she'll be home with the
29:15babies before you know it. Thank you. Oh, yes, she's Bonnie. And the other one's Clyde. Problem
29:21solved. Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go and put some glitter onto Matron. Ah.
29:27Prisons. Now, you mustn't open them till tomorrow. This one's...
29:31I mean, for the rest of Christmas. Ah, yeah. I'll be on me own.
29:35Well, what about Gertrude? No, she'll be away. Rugby. I didn't know she played. I know, so her
29:43mother lives up there. Gertrude's gone to cook her goose. So I think I know what you
29:48mean, Albert. So I'll be all on me own tomorrow with me sprig of holly stuck in me cheese on
29:54toast. Good, good. And you'll be all on your own with that enormous turkey and the Christmas
29:59pudding and the mince pies and... Albert, Albert, listen. How about sharing it with me? I didn't
30:05know you like cheese on toast. Oh, well, I mean, I mean... Ah, me, come here. Ah, what
30:12a surprise. Give me a minute while I think about it. Yes. Well, I scraped the plates, emptied
30:19the pans and stashed the whole lot in the dishwasher. What exactly is your function in this place,
30:25Riddle? Have you switched it on yet? Not yet. Then that's where I come in. How on earth do you
30:33expect to run a successful restaurant with a lazy, incompetent staff? Oh, come on, Mr.
30:37Nichols. You're doing your best. I am not staff. I wouldn't even be here if you had a better
30:43sense of timing. Pardon?
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