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00:07Just at the top of every show is the purpose and reason that you took a little band to Italy.
00:12It needs that format.
00:14F***ing whining me out now, yes.
00:16Look, up my f***ing arse.
00:19What makes this different is that I'm not playing the people that do these sort of shows.
00:22They're good at pretending.
00:23I want to do work with me daughter because we do what we do.
00:27Danny and Danny, take one.
00:29Thank the f***ing Lord.
00:31I was very surprised at E4.
00:34I asked us to go off on a little trip.
00:36We're not travellers.
00:37We've never really had to do it.
00:38No, no, we're not.
00:39I don't know what we are, to be honest.
00:41What are we?
00:41I was an actor back in the day.
00:43What the f*** am I now?
00:43You are still an actor.
00:45No, but not now.
00:46Look at me.
00:46You're a man of many talents.
00:48You can juggle.
00:49That was weird how you stumbled.
00:52I wanted you to see a bit of the world, Italy.
00:55Immerse yourself into some culture.
00:57What have we taken from the trip?
01:00I think we learn a lot about each other.
01:02We've learned that Tuscany's in...
01:04Italy.
01:05And not...
01:06America.
01:08The garlic bread don't taste any better than it does at home.
01:10No, not as good as pizza, right?
01:11And no cornettos.
01:18Last summer, I took my firstborn on an unforgettable dad-daughter road trip.
01:24We are in a country where the most sacred of all animals, is it right?
01:29Yeah.
01:29Is a f***ing donkey.
01:31I realised Martini had a few gaps to fill in our general knowledge.
01:35What do you even know about the Pope?
01:36Who is he?
01:36What does he do?
01:37I don't know what the Pope does.
01:38What does the Pope do?
01:39People say Italy has the best culture and cuisine in the world.
01:43I figured it was the place to get stuck in.
01:45To Italy.
01:47Cheers.
01:47Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
01:49I don't want to get shot in my heart.
01:50To go, Johnny.
01:52Basil Mahalo.
01:53Sort of an amount of pesto.
01:55Oh, f***ing hell.
01:56Shot his bulkhead.
01:57Get it away from me.
01:58Be very rare that I would be proud that you would be eating sperm.
02:00Well done.
02:02To learn a bit.
02:03What is a penis?
02:04It's a mushroom.
02:05See some mad stuff in my time.
02:07But I've never seen cocks on the ceiling.
02:10Do you know what it makes me want to do?
02:14And see what the Dyers make of all this travel caper.
02:18I can't believe you're in a skirt.
02:20Absolutely.
02:20Absolutely.
02:21Oh, you're not an apple kind of guy, are you?
02:23I am absolutely shitting myself.
02:35So, Danny Dyer, Sicily, huh?
02:38Yes, we are here.
02:39The first bit of madness on our trip.
02:43Our dire adventure starts on the ball at the end of the Italian boot.
02:50First stop is the island's capital, Palermo.
02:56I want Dan to visit one of its famous outdoor markets for our first taste of that Italian grub.
03:04So, we're off to the old food market, right?
03:06Yes.
03:07You know I've been fasting, don't you?
03:09I know.
03:10You're really on your fast.
03:10I've been doing my...
03:11But you know what?
03:11How much have you lost now?
03:13Seven pound.
03:13Wow.
03:15But it creeps up now and again, I must say.
03:17I do eight and 16.
03:19So, eight hours of eating what I want, boozing, drinking Stella, going crackers.
03:22And then 16 hours of Nishman's.
03:25Just water and coffee.
03:27Yeah.
03:27But anyway, we're in Palermo, we're in Sicily.
03:30I need to express myself.
03:32So, you are going to be breaking the fasting.
03:33Well, listen, there'll be no point going to a food market if I'm just drinking water.
03:38The Capo food market is in the centre of Palermo.
03:42Mate.
03:43And the traffic is insane.
03:46Look at these f***ing lunatics here.
03:48Look at these f***ing lunatics here, look at these little pandas.
03:51There's no line.
03:53Sorry, sorry.
03:54Oh, my God.
03:54I do apologise, mate.
03:56It's just f***ing, he's got the hump.
03:58I know what you do.
03:59You use humour when you're actually probably a bit nervous.
04:02But everyone was sort of bibbing me up like I was an old girl and I found that quite unsettling.
04:06It was petrifying.
04:07And would you drive out there again?
04:08Not in a million f***ing years.
04:09No.
04:10No.
04:10There's all these cranks, that's why.
04:13You know I am.
04:15F***ing quite loving a moped, didn't they?
04:16I'm going, mate.
04:17I'm going.
04:18Shall we get tattooed?
04:19Yeah?
04:20Let me just survive.
04:21The journey and then we can talk about tattoos because daddy's getting rather stressed.
04:29At the capo market I've arranged for local guide Marco to show us around.
04:34One grub Sicily's always been famous for is its seafood.
04:39Tony.
04:39Of course his name's Tony.
04:41This is Tony.
04:41There is always a Tony around.
04:43There's always a Tony.
04:43There's always a Tony knocking about, isn't it?
04:45Hi Tony.
04:46Danny Senior and Danny Junior.
04:47How long's Tony been here?
04:48I know him personally, but he, as a family, has been here since 1924.
04:54Wow.
04:55What, exactly here?
04:56Exactly here.
04:57He's still working with his father.
04:58Okay.
05:00What a happy man.
05:00Of course he is.
05:01Look at him.
05:01I have a surprise for you.
05:03Tony, pick your Latoume.
05:05Oh, no.
05:06What's it called?
05:06You know what it feels like?
05:07Latoume from latte, which means milk.
05:11What do you think it is?
05:13Well, it's got a touch of the brains about it.
05:15And that is in the sea, isn't it?
05:17I don't think it is an animal.
05:18I think it comes out of an animal.
05:20Right?
05:20No, nothing like that.
05:22Is it a penis?
05:24No, no, no.
05:25No, no, no.
05:26It comes out of the penis.
05:28It is related to sperm.
05:30Yes.
05:31Why not?
05:31What are you talking about?
05:33Here we go.
05:34There you go.
05:35Here we go.
05:36I'm going to get it.
05:37Is there got nutrients in this?
05:39As well, yeah.
05:39Protein.
05:40Lots of protein.
05:41Do you know what that looks like?
05:42A pork chop.
05:43Tuna is what we call the pork of the sea.
05:46What you do with pork.
05:48Everything.
05:49The only thing we don't eat out of tuna are the fins.
05:52Even the head is chopped.
05:54Yeah, of course it is.
05:54So is this tuna semen?
05:56It is.
05:57How do you catch the semen?
05:59What?
06:00They open it up during the fishing season, which is between May and July.
06:04Oh, I can't.
06:04And they remove the...
06:05It's like an organ, as you can see.
06:07I think I've got a spew.
06:09You reckon?
06:10No, you really love it.
06:11It's Tony's face that worries me, because he sells it.
06:13Do people buy this?
06:14There we go.
06:15Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:17Volleyball.
06:19I can't.
06:20It's all in your fingers now.
06:21Just put it in your fucking mouth.
06:22Can you have the water?
06:23The water's here, baby.
06:24Don't worry.
06:24You're thinking about it far too much, all right?
06:26Three.
06:27Cheers.
06:28Two.
06:28Great, cheers.
06:29Salute.
06:30Ah, salute.
06:32Amazing.
06:33I like it.
06:34That lovely sound.
06:37Well done.
06:39It would be very rare that I would be proud that you would be eating sperm.
06:42On this occasion, I congratulate you.
06:45How much would someone pay for that amount of sperm?
06:4925.
06:5020?
06:5125.
06:51It's about 25 euros.
06:54Salt, pepper.
06:55So it's a delicacy, it's expensive.
06:57It is.
06:58Right, so don't moan, you know, because we're insisting, this is what we're here to do.
07:02It's the first time I've had tuna sperm in my mouth, and it was absolutely disgusting.
07:08So you mean you've had other sperm in my mouth?
07:23Oh, thank you.
07:25Many serving food unique to Palermo.
07:28Oh, that's like a croquette.
07:30It's got it all in his mouth.
07:33Marco, if I could put Sicily in me mouth, you know, what would it be?
07:38One thing.
07:40Go on.
07:40The arancina.
07:42Arancina.
07:42Yeah, the arancina is a street food.
07:45It's the queen of Sicily street food.
07:47Is it like that big bowl of stuff?
07:47Exactly.
07:48That's huge.
07:50Let's have it.
07:51Size of it.
07:52Ah.
07:54Arancina.
07:54The name comes from orange, arancas.
07:57And the traditional one is the rounded one.
07:59So that's minced veal and ham and cheese.
08:03What do you say?
08:04Minced veal, I mean what a guy.
08:06So you like it or no, what's the...
08:08I like the one in Zeezy better.
08:10Oh, yeah.
08:11You like the one in Zeezy's better?
08:13Don't say that fucking ear.
08:16You've thoroughly enjoyed it, haven't you?
08:17Yes.
08:18Wonderful, wonderful stuff.
08:20Beautiful.
08:20Oh, great.
08:22Ah, grazie.
08:25The front of house here is all about the boys.
08:29But the real star of this place is working out back.
08:33Look at this little gaff, Dad.
08:35This is where the magic happens.
08:37It's like the chocolate factory, but with rice.
08:39But with rice.
08:40Yeah.
08:41I love that feeling.
08:42So this is a family-run business.
08:43Yeah, but when you say family-run business, it means, first of all, mama.
08:48Mama.
08:49In Italy, when you say mama recipe, it means the best way to make a recipe.
08:54Of course.
08:54There she is filling the rice with mozzarella and ham.
08:58Oh, look at her.
08:59I mean, it's poetry.
09:00Like a conveyor belt, isn't it?
09:01Yeah, but we'd love to get involved.
09:04Go on, go on, go on, Dan.
09:05Go on.
09:06I'm scared.
09:07Give it a try.
09:08Is it a little hole?
09:09And then whack you a bit of ham and cheese in there?
09:11A little bit of cheese.
09:11Is that enough?
09:12Cheese.
09:14Sorry.
09:15Enough.
09:17Wowzers.
09:18Do I just see if geezers are better at doing it, in a way?
09:21No, no, I don't think.
09:21Because, well, you say this, but I can't even get the fucking glove on.
09:25Oh, here we go.
09:26No, let me have a go.
09:27You cop for that.
09:28Love that.
09:29Oh, look at it.
09:30Look.
09:30People are waiting outside.
09:32I know, I know, I know.
09:34I know.
09:34I know.
09:34I know.
09:35I know.
09:35I know.
09:35Danny junior or Danny senior?
09:37At all.
09:38Senior wins.
09:39Yeah, well, I think she's an amazing woman, Marco.
09:43Listen, you have been flirting a lot.
09:46It's because I've got a pair of nuts.
09:48But she's in second.
09:49Oh, right.
09:50Second place.
09:51Not bad.
09:51Now you're going to see her.
09:52Out of the two.
09:52There we go.
09:53This is probably, in a polite way, going to put that one in a bin.
09:57No, she won't.
09:59What a lovely first morning, isn't it?
10:00It's actually really family, isn't it?
10:02Really family-orientated.
10:04Old businesses that have been passed down for generations.
10:09I feel like, I feel a bit Sicilian.
10:11Do you know what I mean?
10:12Like, I feel it's brought out the Sicilian in me.
10:14Yeah, because you're so British, I suppose.
10:16I suppose I am.
10:17I'm such a Brit of brawl.
10:18You are such a Brit of brawl.
10:19It's so...
10:19Pint of beer.
10:20Belly out.
10:21Yeah, let's not get on the belly one, because...
10:23No, he's fasting.
10:24Yeah, because that's fattism.
10:26You're laughing at me.
10:27You're when you're fasting.
10:33Cheers.
10:34Yes.
10:35For our afternoon in Palermo, I've decided to take Cannes to a museum.
10:40We're going to go to the Catacombe di Cappuccini.
10:43No, Guida alle Catacombe.
10:47Basically, it's a museum full of dead people.
10:50Right, so, San, it's up here, right?
10:51Yeah.
10:52Now, it's absolute chaos, isn't it?
10:55Look at it.
10:57Is that that way?
10:57There's another sign up there that's saying it's that way, right?
10:59Really?
11:00It's like, Catacombe.
11:02Yeah.
11:02Yeah, that way.
11:03That's the sort of cats we're knocking about with for the afternoon, you know, but I think
11:07it will just make us appreciate life a little bit more, if anything, you know.
11:12Or, it might be.
11:16So, that's what I've done there.
11:26Underneath a monastery in the Palermo suburbs is the Capucin Catacombe Museum.
11:31This reminds me of a little bit.
11:33Go on.
11:34American werewolf in London.
11:35There's a tube and he's running away from the werewolf.
11:41On our first day in Italy, I've brought my down here to spend an afternoon with the
11:44mummified corpses of 1,300 Sicilians.
11:51Imagine being locked in here.
11:52Are these real?
11:53Yeah.
11:54What, real skeletons?
11:55They're real dead people.
11:57Why are they all in here like that?
11:59Well, it says in the old book here that it's Sicilian culture, right?
12:03The wealthy, they would like to mummify their relatives, right, so that they could plot
12:08them up in here and then come and see them.
12:10Shit.
12:11You know?
12:11So, what, like, Nanny Carol would be in here?
12:13Yeah.
12:14What's the process of it all about?
12:16Well, it's a two-year process.
12:18I'm glad you've asked me.
12:20And what they do is, is that they bring the dead ear and they sort of bleed them out for
12:24six months, hang them up, and they drain them.
12:27It's called drainage.
12:28Oh, my God.
12:29Well, that's not the worst bit, and that sounds awful.
12:31Then they go and put them out in the garden for a year and a half to dry out in
12:38the sun.
12:38Then they stuff them with hay and bay leaves.
12:43Wow.
12:43And then they obviously dress them and stuff.
12:46What sort of job is that?
12:48Imagine going on a date with someone going, oh, what do you do?
12:50They go, I dress mummies.
12:52It would kill me with mould, wouldn't it?
12:53Hmm.
12:54It scares me, the idea of death.
12:55Yeah.
12:56The cycle of life, I think, it puts things in perspective.
12:59We can just enjoy those, you know, those precious years that we're here.
13:04Oh, fuck, mate.
13:04Look at this guy's rear.
13:06Oh, my God.
13:06I wonder how he died.
13:09Let's just have a guess.
13:10I think that's a woman.
13:11But he's got a beard.
13:12That ain't a woman.
13:13Well, women can have beards.
13:14Look at your nan.
13:15She ain't got a beard.
13:16She's got some whiskers.
13:17Oh, she ain't.
13:19In a nice way.
13:19I love you, Carol.
13:20She gets her, actually, to be fair, she has had her face waxed a couple of times.
13:23Exactly.
13:26You know, this is the Virginie, right, which is basically the virgins,
13:30which is something that I would have liked you to have, as a father.
13:34Yeah, but then you wouldn't have had any grandchildren.
13:35No, I know.
13:36I'm just so pleased that you was a virgin up to heaven.
13:40Oh, yeah, of course.
13:41Yeah, I was.
13:42You know, I was a virgin until I was about 14.
13:47Yeah, that's wrong, Dad.
13:48And what?
13:50Well, if I'd have met your mother.
13:52Yeah.
13:53You know, and we had that early rollabout.
13:54In 14, 15, then you wouldn't have been born at 18.
13:57Yeah, you're right.
13:58So never forget that, that your mum and dad like to have a rollabout.
14:03We're very open with one another.
14:04I don't think anything is off limits between us, is it?
14:07Absolutely not.
14:08I don't think it should be.
14:08I don't mind that.
14:09Like, I love how open we are and how close we are.
14:12You know, when you mentioned you and Mummy.
14:13We grew up together.
14:14I mean, you're tonguing each other in the kitchen, you and Mummy, and it, you know, I'm used to that.
14:18I would rather you be tonguing.
14:20Than?
14:21Than I have thrown an ashtray at your head.
14:23Arguing.
14:24Oh, I can't know what I was going to say.
14:25Yeah.
14:26Remember when she found me porn through it at me head?
14:28Remember that?
14:28Porn?
14:29Porn?
14:29You watched porn on the...
14:31It was a type.
14:32A bit like Blockbuster, then.
14:34A bit like Blockbuster's?
14:35Yeah.
14:35God.
14:35I mean, is that overshaming?
14:36I mean...
14:37Yeah, I didn't know it was porn.
14:38I wouldn't have known that.
14:39Mind you, it was a naughty one.
14:40I find that a little bit more creepy, because you're thinking about it.
14:46We don't get long on the planet, and then we become this, which is what...
14:49I just think it's crazy having all bodies in here.
14:52We can just enjoy, you know, those precious years that we're here.
14:55You know, that's the key to it, really, isn't it?
14:57Yeah, that's brilliant what you've just said.
14:59Good, that one.
15:00Yeah, I like that.
15:00Because I feel like you only do get one shot at life, really, don't you?
15:03And it's not long, baby, let me tell you to say that.
15:05It ain't that long.
15:05Yeah, I remember being your age, I blinked, and now I'm full to you fucking...
15:07No, but I'll get it, Dad, because I was 18, not that long.
15:10I'll go, it feels.
15:10I'm just going to see it.
15:11Well, you're sort of pushing 30.
15:15Anyway, let's get out of here.
15:17I won't be.
15:19I can understand, sort of, the sentiment, if you really love someone and then they die.
15:23I would have you, I'd stuff you.
15:24Would you?
15:25I'd love to have you.
15:26Like, the thought of you dying, my life's over.
15:28I'm going to, like, my heart, a piece of my heart will die with you.
15:31So you'd have me stuffed?
15:32I would.
15:33And what position would I be in?
15:35I'd have you sitting down.
15:36Yeah, I'd be sitting down.
15:37Yeah, a little dressing gown.
15:38And I'd have, like, a little Ashtoree cigar.
15:40You know what?
15:41I'm going to consider it.
15:42Oh, that's fucking freaky, yeah.
15:46The next stop-off planned on Sicily means a day's travel from Palermo and then a boat out
15:51into the Met.
15:54My dad may know all about the Love Island.
15:57Let's see what she makes of the Lava Island.
16:05So this, Dan, is Stromboli, a mad little gaff off of Sicily, a live, active volcano just
16:13sitting there.
16:14I cannot believe where we are.
16:16Look, it's coming out now, the smoke.
16:18Apparently still spits out shit, yeah?
16:21Sounds like a lovely little, um, stop-off.
16:25Dad's booked us a two-night stay on the island, sleeping under a volcano that's been in constant
16:32eruption for 2,000 years.
16:35No, people live here.
16:36It's just incredible, isn't it?
16:38Balloons.
16:38Like, are they not scared?
16:40I'd be petrified.
16:41It's a spiritual thing.
16:42They want to feel closer to nature, the universe, whatever it is.
16:45I'd be on edge.
16:47So many people, wouldn't they?
16:49I suppose if you were born here and you live here, you wouldn't, this is the way you live,
16:53you wouldn't think of it to be any different, would you?
16:55No.
16:55But they'd come to England and think, what the fuck?
16:58They probably, they don't have a central line here.
17:01They don't have no trains.
17:02No, no, no, no.
17:04The reason for this Stromboli visit is to get Dan thinking about our relationship with
17:08nature.
17:09But the place has a spiritual side, too.
17:12I thought we could have a little go at a martial art and meditation technique, practice here,
17:17called Aikido.
17:18I think it's just up here.
17:20What, Aikido?
17:21Triggle's name's Aurora.
17:22Beautiful name.
17:23Well, it's very mythical, isn't it?
17:26Hello.
17:27Hello.
17:28Nice meeting you.
17:29Can you cuddle?
17:30Yeah.
17:30Amazing.
17:31Oh, wow.
17:34This is my wonderful daughter, Dani.
17:37Lovely to meet you.
17:38Nice to meet you.
17:39Hi.
17:39Very good.
17:40Are you all?
17:41Lovely to meet you.
17:42Welcome.
17:43What is it, Aikido?
17:46Aikido is the way, the path, that leads to the union and harmony with nature.
17:56They found it always in a dojo.
17:59Yeah, no, it's this, this...
18:00With Shiba Sensei.
18:01Who is this cat?
18:02The master that created it in between the two worlds were.
18:07And can I ask you...
18:08Yeah.
18:09...why you would choose to practice this or to work underneath an active volcano?
18:17Yeah.
18:17Because it could be seen as a bit crazy.
18:20Yeah, it is quite a dangerous place to be into.
18:26But in the Aikido practice, teach you not to have fear.
18:33So if it's the danger of the volcano, it's nature, it's here and I'm not afraid of it.
18:40Should we take our trotters off?
18:41Yes, sure.
18:42Okay, let's do that.
18:44Let's do that.
18:44I think with Aurora, she's so calm.
18:46Like, when it comes to the volcano and stuff, like me and my dad are like walking around.
18:50It's not really safe, is it?
18:52But she looks at it so different.
18:53She's looking at it like it's nature, it's, you know, normal.
18:56And we're like, no, no, no, it's not fucking nature.
18:58It can go off at any time.
19:00Let's sit down in the knees.
19:04First, we will meditate.
19:07Close your eyes.
19:13I've discovered meditation when I was in rehab.
19:15I took many drugs to escape my brain, really, to numb it, to numb the madness, you know.
19:21Be aware of the space around you.
19:25Picture in your mind where the volcano is.
19:30Anxiety is shit that hasn't happened.
19:32So we're either worrying about the past and shit we've done or we're worrying about the future and shit that's
19:36going to happen to us.
19:37It hasn't happened.
19:38It's about being present.
19:38And that's what I've learned.
19:40And I'm very, very grateful and thankful for it.
19:43People actually don't really know the real you, do they?
19:45They have this, like, persona of you and what they think you're about, but you're the complete opposite.
19:49I'm a sensitive soul.
19:50He's really sensitive.
19:52He loves a cuddle.
19:52I'm a very loving man.
19:53He loves a little cry.
19:54And a very sexual man as well.
19:57Fucking hell.
19:58What?
19:58Why am I on that?
20:02Open your eyes.
20:07What's it in, Mum?
20:09No, I just have to change position because this is quite rude.
20:15I have a rather large testicle.
20:21It's called a hydra cell.
20:23It's hard to sit on my knees.
20:26It's just the one that sits on my ankles when I do that.
20:29He does need an operation.
20:32You're going to talk about your...
20:34Is it the bollock thing, is it?
20:36Your jacket potato.
20:38I mean, you do like to mention your large testicle to people.
20:44Being spiritual is about being open and kind and all that.
20:46And I felt that she needed to know about my large testicle.
20:49Does it grow with age?
20:51Does it grow with you?
20:52When I started pubic.
20:52It has grown with me, yeah.
20:55Very attached to it, actually.
20:56Yeah, you should get that drying.
20:57Are you put to sleep?
20:59No, I just think they jack you up and then fucking turn your bollock inside out.
21:04Up with your back straight, but gently, of course, your axe, your spine is straight and all your belly goes
21:18around.
21:18Hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, sa, hey, sa, hey, sa.
21:26You are part of the universe and you just have to stick with it, to agree, to flow with it.
21:32We can finish by taking care of the other person.
21:37You trust me, okay?
21:38Of course, yeah, you're a crusader.
21:39Yeah, torn, torn, torn.
21:41Okay?
21:42No.
21:46Yeah!
21:47No, no, don't jump.
21:47Oh, my God, she can pick you up!
21:49Relax, relax, relax.
21:50I'm relaxed, baby.
21:51I've never been more relaxed in my life.
21:53Ah, right.
21:58All that fasting, see?
21:59All that fasting.
22:01Well, thank you so much.
22:03That was a real experience.
22:07I did enjoy that little end sequence.
22:10I thought it was brilliant, especially at the end when she would just lie there, like, all vulnerable on her
22:15back.
22:15Well, me back was playing up and now she's sorted it out.
22:18Has she?
22:20She really has.
22:29Dad's brought us here to get as close to the volcano as we can.
22:32What he hadn't realised is the only way to climb the thing is on foot.
22:40That face.
22:42What are we doing, Thav?
22:44Have you ever worn boots like this before?
22:46Well, these are brand new trotters.
22:47I know.
22:48I've never wore...
22:49Basically matching now.
22:50I've never wore a hiking boot.
22:52See, I have.
22:53I know you have, because you want to give it a big in about Kilimanjaro, don't you?
22:57Although you've never walked up an active volcano.
23:01When I've done this, I've sort of trumped Kilimanjaro in a way, sort of more dangerous.
23:07Everyone would have thought you.
23:08It's a strong look, though.
23:09Look at the hiking boot and the white socks.
23:10Quite like that, right here.
23:10And the white socks.
23:11We should have got the black socks.
23:13You can't wear white and black.
23:19That's it.
23:20They're worried.
23:23Let's go and take it on.
23:24Let's go and get volcano'd up.
23:26I can't deal with you and your rucksack.
23:28You know what, Dad?
23:29I don't think there is something athletic in you, deep down.
23:31Of course there is.
23:33I know you're not a massive runner.
23:34No, no.
23:36I'm just a big hulk of a man, aren't I?
23:37Yeah.
23:38I'm a powerhouse.
23:40Yeah.
23:41Hi.
23:41Some would say.
23:44Tell me.
23:45You've been blanked.
23:47Definitely a couple of swingers.
23:51I'm fucked already when he walks up this hill.
23:53Come on, darling.
23:55There she is, darling, look.
23:57Jesus Christ.
23:58Why the hell would we come in, that?
24:08So, Dan, do you want me to get out?
24:10Run lava.
24:11Yeah.
24:13On a visit to Stromboli, Dad's decided we need to get up close to its volcano and see if the
24:18experience inspires me.
24:21Feeling spiritual?
24:22Have a bit of faith in yourself.
24:24Yeah.
24:26The last stop before the steepest part of the climb is the island's observatory restaurant.
24:35Do you know this erupt in 2019?
24:37It did erupt in 2019, and there was a death.
24:40A hiker died who was eating an ice cream.
24:44I thoroughly enjoyed that, Magnum.
24:46So, you've gone for the ice cream.
24:47Yeah.
24:47I've gone for a local lager.
24:49Mm-hmm.
24:49I went local because it's 5.5%.
24:51It's a strong lager, that is, and I need it because, um, your throat's going.
24:56Only you would walk up a hill.
24:57Because we...
24:58Up a hill, have a volcano, have a beer.
24:59We're going to take on this twat and look at it.
25:02It's bubbling away, and it's been making noises.
25:04I don't know if it's burping.
25:06I don't know what the fuck it's doing.
25:08Look at all the smoke coming out.
25:09Yes, because there's lava up there, darling.
25:13Let's fucking do it, eh?
25:16This is going to be quite negative for me.
25:19Oh, yeah.
25:20So, Dan, did you know...
25:22Yeah.
25:23Italy is one of the most geological active places in the world.
25:28Wow, Dan.
25:29Isn't it?
25:30See?
25:31And you know, people think I'm thick.
25:32Full of facts.
25:33Full of facts.
25:35What do you know about volcanoes?
25:37I don't really know anything about volcanoes.
25:39Don't know nothing about them?
25:40Do you?
25:40What do they do?
25:41They erupt.
25:42What do they erupt with?
25:43Lava.
25:44Yes.
25:44It gobs out molten lava.
25:47Yeah.
25:47Which will just burn you in seconds.
25:50All right, good job we've got some, er, good trotters on.
25:52So if this proper erupted now, like...
25:54We're fucked.
25:55Yeah.
25:55Yeah.
25:57And I wouldn't say physical exercise is your thing.
25:59That's out of order.
26:00One year, you said...
26:01Might as well call me a fat b****.
26:02I'd had a gym built outside, and my intention was to start running.
26:06I think maybe you should do it a little bit.
26:09It's the walk to the gym that winds me up.
26:11Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:12It's not far, but...
26:13I don't think it's good for your art.
26:15What?
26:15Exercise.
26:16I think it's bollocks.
26:18It's so, so good for the mind.
26:19I think you'll get into it.
26:20I think...
26:21Fuck.
26:23Oh, fuck.
26:26Yeah, walking out of a volcano over the fucking building.
26:33I love how I'm in the lead.
26:35It's almost like, er...
26:37I'm fitter.
26:38Nah.
26:40Wiser.
26:41I'm definitely fucking wiser.
26:42Definitely fucking wiser, yeah.
26:43I'm not too wise about that, baby.
26:45Yeah.
26:47Look at that.
26:48Huh?
26:49So nice.
26:50You can see that the Earth is round from up here, though.
26:52Is it round, is it?
26:53Look.
26:54If I point my finger...
26:55Yeah, but there's twats that think that the Earth's flat.
26:57It goes round.
26:59Yeah.
27:00Yeah, it was a good, er...
27:01Good science test.
27:02Some people think it's flat, don't they?
27:04Oh, who thinks that?
27:05Do you know why?
27:06Because they're fucking stupid.
27:08But do you think about the Big Bang Theory,
27:10or do you think it was God?
27:12What is the Big Bang Theory?
27:13You know, like, when it just went boom,
27:14and then the world appears.
27:16Well, that's what happened.
27:16No, I think it was God.
27:18You believe in dinosaurs, Dan?
27:20Yeah, I do.
27:20They are real.
27:21Look at all the museums.
27:23Woo!
27:24We're really living.
27:26You know, experiencing as much as we can while we're on this Earth.
27:29No cutting corners.
27:31No, fuck that.
27:33Fuck it, I can't be much further, can it?
27:42It's 6.30 in the evening, we've been climbing over two hours,
27:47and it's still well over 30 degrees.
27:52How do you feel?
27:54Fucked.
27:55All legs are playing up now, aren't you?
27:56I'm proud of you.
27:57Thanks, Bobo.
27:58Really, really proud of you.
27:59You know, I've done really well, and I don't do this sort of shit, do I?
28:01No, you don't do any of this.
28:03We're nearly there, though.
28:04I think we're two-thirds of the way up.
28:05But let's just have it right, though, look.
28:08It's now become very, very real.
28:09I don't know what that is, but it looks fucking awful, doesn't it?
28:13I think it's beautiful.
28:14Do you?
28:14Yeah.
28:15Anyway, let's move on.
28:18Oh, there we go.
28:23After another hour of hard slog,
28:25the dyers are finally closing in on the summit.
28:29It's so dangerous.
28:31I just hope I'm the first Cockney to do this walk.
28:37Representing, baby.
28:38Probably the last.
28:39You're representing Essex and Love Island.
28:43Is that the top?
28:45Yeah.
28:46Cockney is steep, innit?
28:47Yeah, it is now, yeah.
28:49Yes.
28:49It's fucking dangerous, innit?
28:50Yeah, it is dangerous, yeah.
28:52Oh.
28:53Come on.
28:54Oh.
28:55Come on, baby.
28:56Look at us.
28:58Look what we've done.
29:00Yes.
29:02Oh, it's so nice.
29:04Yeah.
29:05Rocky never done this, did he?
29:06The mud.
29:07It's everything Dad worked so hard for.
29:10The perfect Dad, daughter and random tourist bonding moment.
29:15Ah.
29:16Oh, it's lovely.
29:17Well, that was worth it, wasn't it?
29:18What's up here?
29:18Oh, what's going on with me?
29:20I keep falling off.
29:21Nothing, eh?
29:22It's lovely.
29:23Well done, babe.
29:24Well done.
29:24It's a cuds.
29:25Cuds.
29:30This is the highest we can safely climb, still 200 metres from the crater, but looking up
29:36at it burping away and with the state of my knees, that's close enough.
29:42I don't think that you realise until you actually do it how hard it is.
29:46I'm not known for doing this sort of stuff.
29:48No, we ain't.
29:49I'm known for being more, you know, sort of a, you know, philosopher.
29:53Er, someone who likes to inspire people and, um, someone who smokes is what I'm known for.
30:00Yeah.
30:01But actually, I've just walked up.
30:02Your lungs have coped with that.
30:03Well, that's the thing, why the volcano don't affect me.
30:06I don't think anything will ever be as hard as Kilimanjaro, but that is the sort of depth
30:10that it was in, all the climbing, but that was, like, seven hours a day of that.
30:15I was just wondering where you had a, where'd you have a shit?
30:17Oh, it weren't nice.
30:18You have to dig an hole.
30:19Yeah.
30:20If you're a soldier, a mercenary, and you're behind enemy lines, you have to have a shit
30:27in cling film and carry it about.
30:29Why?
30:30Because otherwise the fucking enemy will smell your shit.
30:33Yeah, but how does an enemy know what your shit smells like?
30:35They're trained in shit smelling.
30:37Yeah, to be fair, if I walked in the toilet, I'd know that you've had a shit.
30:43What a lovely thing to say.
30:44So if a hundred men dropped their guns...
30:45I'd know what one's yours.
30:47..you would know what pony would be mine?
30:49Lovely, that's because we're family.
30:51That's what family's about, baby.
30:52Do you know what that sums up family for me?
30:55Oh, really?
30:56Yeah, if you know, if you know the smell of an old man's shit,
31:01then you're close.
31:02Yeah.
31:03You know, that's why we're like that, me and you.
31:06When you had that neurivirus, oh, my God.
31:08Yeah, it's not, that's enough now.
31:10Don't, don't, don't shout in a myth.
31:11No, we won't talk about it.
31:14That is a beautiful sunset.
31:16Do you like sunsets?
31:17I've literally probably seen three sunsets in my life.
31:20Where was the others?
31:22One was in Dubai, and one was in Ibiza.
31:26Oh, I've got to take a picture of it.
31:28Let me get you in it.
31:29Let me do a right, you know, like a touristy Brit abroad, ready?
31:35Love it, Dan.
31:36Yeah, that's how we roll.
31:37Oh, look at it, Dan.
31:39Nearly gone.
31:40And where's it going?
31:41Where's the sun going?
31:42Think about it.
31:44Where's it going to rise?
31:45What do you mean?
31:46Well, it's fucking off from here.
31:48So where does it go?
31:49Where does it go?
31:51To Australia?
31:52Yes.
31:53There's no break for the sun.
31:55It's always on go.
31:55What do you think?
31:56It goes to bed?
31:57It's in a sleeping bag.
31:58Remember, the sun's not moving, is it?
32:00The sun don't move.
32:02No, what's moving?
32:03The moon.
32:04The moon?
32:04No, the earth.
32:05The earth.
32:05The earth goes round.
32:06You're so smart sometimes, honestly.
32:09It frightens me how smart you are sometimes.
32:12It is beautiful.
32:13I could stare at it for ages.
32:16It's enough of this now.
32:17Right, so you have a moot stand.
32:21Even with a volcano going off over our nuts, I'm definitely going to sleep well tonight.
32:32For our second day on Stromboli, I planned us another field trip.
32:36I'm going to teach Dan a bit about the food chain.
32:39And I don't mean Zizi.
32:41Go on, baby.
32:43Dad's booked us a squid fishing trip with local skipper, Filippo.
32:46Proper geezer.
32:47He says his family's fished here forever.
32:51Squid fishing, right?
32:53Yeah.
32:53Is the main industry off of this island.
32:56You know, it's like, it's their main fish, if you like.
32:59Is it a fish, squid, do you think?
33:01Is it a fish?
33:03Yes.
33:04Because it's in the sea, it's a fish.
33:06Yeah.
33:07But a dolphin, that's not a fish, is it?
33:09Is it a mammal?
33:11Oh, no, it's not.
33:12It's a lion.
33:12No, it is a mammal.
33:13It is.
33:14I'm so proud of myself.
33:16I'm so proud.
33:17You've choked me up.
33:18No.
33:19Shit.
33:20Well done, you.
33:20I'm really proud of myself.
33:22Oh.
33:24Shouldn't doubt yourself, see?
33:25No, I shouldn't.
33:26You said it, and then you fucking doubted it.
33:28And it sort of takes away the cleverness.
33:31Do you ever think about how food gets on your plate?
33:34I mean, I always dissect my chicken, but no.
33:37What?
33:37You know what I'm like with a chicken breast.
33:40What?
33:40I will only buy the free range, because I know they're living in really good condition.
33:43They're allowed to run around and, you know, be themselves.
33:45Before they have their heads chopped off.
33:48Is that how you kill a chicken?
33:49You fucking pop it like that.
33:51I think there's so...
33:52I think if you can kill a chicken, you can kill a human.
33:56The squid that live close to Stromboli feed at night and hang out in the deep, dark places
34:01at the bottom.
34:03To catch them, you need a whole lot of line.
34:06Don't hold it too tight.
34:07Better cut your fucking hands and smithereens.
34:12He's going really deep.
34:15Yeah, they go deep, these squid.
34:17Bloody hell, how are you going to pull them back up?
34:19He uses the whole rod.
34:20I didn't realise how deep it goes.
34:22Yeah.
34:24So, 300 metres.
34:26Stop.
34:27Here we go.
34:27Here we go.
34:28Over the years, Stromboli fishermen have learned bright lights are like catnip to squid.
34:34Wow.
34:34Do I just throw it?
34:36Just throw it in.
34:37See you later.
34:38Mind how you go.
34:40Amazing how they like lights, squid.
34:42Yeah.
34:42They just want to have a rave.
34:44You see the lights and they're like, oh, there's a rave.
34:46Let's go and have it.
34:47Bump, internet.
34:48All of a sudden, monks.
34:49Oh, we're going to see it flapping.
34:51Yes, we're going to see them dying.
34:53And then with a bit of lemon on it, everyone's a winner.
34:57Once we've put in the lines, all we can do is wait.
35:01Lucky for dad, Filippo has come prepared.
35:04Grazie, grazie, grazie, grazie.
35:06Salute.
35:07Salute.
35:07Yeah, salute.
35:08That's a good job.
35:09Delipari.
35:10Delipari.
35:11How many generations of your family have been fishermen?
35:16Il padre di mio nonno.
35:18Eh?
35:18Mio nonno.
35:19Mr.
35:19Mio papà .
35:21Oh.
35:22E io.
35:22Quattro.
35:23Four.
35:23Four.
35:24So he's quite kind of...
35:25And you're the most handsome.
35:27Eh?
35:27Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
35:30Salute.
35:31Salute.
35:32Salute.
35:34Love that family, see?
35:35This is what's about a family.
35:36It is about a family.
35:39We wait for the squid.
35:40Does the red light mean squid?
35:42Filippo, uh, said that he put a red light on to tell everyone round here we're fishermen.
35:47Ah.
35:48Don't fucking dare come into our manor and fish or there will be a tear-up.
35:54I feel like seeing things like this.
35:56It's also a life experience.
35:57And I feel like life is all about experiences.
35:59It is.
36:00And do you know what?
36:00And also, if we're about to kill nature and eat it, smash it over the head when it comes out
36:04of the meat.
36:04No, you don't do that.
36:05Of course you don't.
36:06They're fucking wiggling about.
36:07You've got a stamp on them.
36:08Fucked it.
36:08That's actually on the pole.
36:09Well, we need to eat.
36:17On Stromboli, Dad's taken me for a spot of night fishing.
36:21He wants me to see what's involved in catching and killing the food we eat.
36:25After a lot of waiting around and a lot of home-brewed vino, it's time for the squid games to
36:31begin.
36:31So we pray.
36:32We pray to the squid gods.
36:35Yeah?
36:36I'm scared.
36:37Here we go.
36:41It's like we're catching the shark or something.
36:47Oh, my God.
36:53Let's see.
36:53They're really in on that.
36:54Here you go.
36:54Look, look at that.
36:55Look.
36:56Oh, wow.
36:57You was going to do it with your hand.
36:59No, you don't do it with your hand.
37:01Look.
37:02Technology.
37:03Come on, baby.
37:04Give us some squid.
37:07Oh, no.
37:08What's this now?
37:09Wonderful news.
37:11He said, don't cut me to smithereens.
37:12Gotcha.
37:15You're nervous about this.
37:16I'm standing up here.
37:17I'm not nervous.
37:18This is the man job, I'd say.
37:20Oh, my God.
37:21It's huge.
37:23That is massive.
37:26Oh.
37:27Why have they gone?
37:28Don't scream.
37:29Sorry.
37:30Scream.
37:30It's a squid.
37:31There's a squid.
37:32Look at the size of it.
37:34What do we do now?
37:35Stamp on it?
37:36What do we do?
37:37Oh.
37:38It's breathing.
37:40Of course it is.
37:40Well, it's actually dying.
37:42It's horrendous.
37:47That's sad.
37:50Go on, Dad.
37:51No.
37:53Oh, my God.
37:53It's coming.
37:55Oh, my God.
37:56Look at that.
37:57Oh, fucking hell.
37:58Shot his boat there.
37:59Get it away from me.
38:00No, don't.
38:01Don't.
38:01Dad.
38:02I swear to God, I'm going to end up falling off the boat.
38:04It won't hurt you, baby.
38:05No.
38:06It won't hurt you.
38:07Fuck.
38:08That one was livelier.
38:10I understand, you know, the idea of killing something.
38:13It's quite brutal, isn't it?
38:15Yeah, so brutal.
38:16We eat meat, yeah?
38:18But you don't see this process.
38:20No, you don't see it.
38:20And I think it's important that people see the process and then make a decision.
38:23So maybe after this, you won't eat fish.
38:25But, you know, how do you think fish gets on our plate?
38:29It's just watching it die is awful.
38:31Of course.
38:33Yeah, it is awful.
38:35Tasty, tasty, awful.
38:38Wow.
38:38This is how we do it, baby.
38:40That does look lovely.
38:41Grazie, grazie, grazie.
38:43There you go, my baby.
38:45We'll get you fancy, we'll get you fancy, eh?
38:47Is it hot?
38:48It's really hot, but beautiful.
38:52Wow.
38:54Mmm.
38:55Come on.
38:56It all tastes nice.
38:57It would be nice with a little bit of lemon.
38:59You don't need lemon on it.
39:01Yeah, don't take the piss.
39:02I love you very much.
39:05Salute to...
39:06Felipe.
39:07Families.
39:08Families.
39:09Familia.
39:10Why not?
39:12Why not?
39:13Why not?
39:13So good.
39:15Oh.
39:15Oh.
39:16Grazie.
39:19It's definitely one to remember.
39:20It certainly is, baby.
39:22Are you going to become vegan after this?
39:24No, I like cheese.
39:30Next morning, I can't wait to get back to Sicily and on the road again.
39:35Dad has one last stop planned.
39:38He says we're going on a pilgrimage to somewhere special our ancestors built.
39:45This is nice, isn't it, me and you?
39:47Yeah, baby.
39:48So, Sheffalo.
39:50Sheffalo.
39:51Sounds nutty, doesn't it?
39:52Sheffalo.
39:52Sheffalo.
39:54Very, very good.
39:56Very, very good.
39:57Tutti, trutti.
39:59Ossaboko.
40:01Ossaboko.
40:03Tutti, putti.
40:03Where have you got that?
40:04No, darling, I don't.
40:05I'm not right in the fucking head.
40:07Do you know that?
40:08Tutti, putti.
40:09Tutti, trutti.
40:10Because it's just so Italian, isn't it?
40:13Of course, I don't often mention it, but Dan and I are direct descendants of William the Conqueror.
40:18And at the time Grandad Will was being all kingly in England, our Norman relatives were here conquering Sicily.
40:24Sorry about that.
40:26Sheffalo's the place they made their main gaff.
40:31Oh, look at the calamari.
40:33Nice bit of calamari.
40:34Yeah.
40:34We were catching squid the other day, mate.
40:36Oh, I keep seeing this squid.
40:39Since I've killed the mother, that's all I can say.
40:42You've got to let it go.
40:43We should take in a little bit of this nutty town.
40:47Chaffaloo's old centre is right up my street.
40:50The town the Norman's left behind is cute.
40:53And to be honest, exactly what I need after a night of being all beer grills.
40:59This is for me, though, all this.
41:00This is where I'm happy.
41:01See what we can buy, really, baby.
41:03I love it.
41:03But make sure it's religious, because this is the day of God.
41:08Jesus, really.
41:09Who was the son of God.
41:10He was.
41:12The day we're visiting is the town's annual patron saint festival.
41:16And saint of this town is San Salvador, or as we know him, Jesus Christ.
41:24He had lovely hair, Jesus, didn't he?
41:26Know when you've seen the pictures of him?
41:28Yeah, I thought it was a bit squiggly.
41:29Oh, he was a bit of me, Dad.
41:31I'm sorry.
41:32He was a bit of me.
41:34No, he needed to be conditioned, that hair.
41:35He needed a bit of body to it, you know?
41:37I think I would have got with him, Dad.
41:38I'm not going to lie to you.
41:40I think me and Jesus would have had a little blimp.
41:41You can't get with Jesus.
41:43Yes, you could.
41:43He was a player of the town.
41:46The focus of the festival is the jewel in the Normans' architectural crown.
41:51Cefalu's 12th century Duomo.
41:55So, Dan.
41:56Yeah.
41:57Look at it.
41:58What is it?
42:00It's the cathedral.
42:01It's a cathedral.
42:02Don't start.
42:03I like to test you on these.
42:04Isn't it beautiful?
42:05Why'd you have built that?
42:06Our relative, dare I say it.
42:08It was built in the 12th century.
42:09It was built in the 12th century.
42:11Right.
42:11Er, by the Normans.
42:13Really?
42:14And I wish all these people would understand it and bow to us a little bit more, you know,
42:18and, er, you know, appreciate what our relatives have done for this town.
42:21Please do your face that you always do.
42:25It's me regal face, innit?
42:28Look at this gaff.
42:29I don't think you ever get places as big as this, ever.
42:32This is our man.
42:32Look how big it is, innit?
42:34This is the man that gets carried through the streets.
42:37You've got a shout, innit?
42:38I've got a shout, innit, because there's so many people in here.
42:40Yeah, I do, yeah.
42:41Get yourself a candle.
42:44Jesus.
42:45Yeah.
42:45The original G.
42:47Yeah.
42:48The only G, really.
42:57The Normans ruled here for a hundred years, and by the looks of things, they brought
43:01plenty of Essex bling with them.
43:06Look at this.
43:06It's amazing, an incredible piece of art.
43:11The only thing I'd question is his fingers.
43:16His fingers look a bit childlike.
43:18What do you mean?
43:19Well, they're a bit...
43:20It was probably double-jointed.
43:22Yeah.
43:22How have they built all this?
43:24Can you imagine how tall their ladder was?
43:26I don't think they had ladders.
43:27They didn't have ladders?
43:28They would have built scaffolding out of human bones.
43:33Shit.
43:35Yeah.
43:39I think my tour guide may have run out of facts, so there's only one thing for it.
43:44A bit more research.
43:46Let's get a lager.
43:48I always choose me holidays, not really by location or how long it's going to get there,
43:54but by the fact, has it got draught lager?
43:57I like a Descarado, me.
43:58Yeah, no, not for me.
43:59I used to like it.
43:59Two of them, three, I'm, like, on my way, I'm pissed.
44:02Have you ever tried to put actual tequila in a beer?
44:05I hate tequila.
44:06Fucking awful.
44:07Tequila makes me a version of myself that I don't want to be.
44:09Well, the thing about tequila is it will inevitably start coming out of your nose at some point
44:13in the night, and whatever grub you've had as well.
44:15I remember I had spaghetti.
44:17I've made some bad decisions on tequila, Dad.
44:19Well, I had spaghetti, and then I had some tequila after I got off my nose,
44:22and then I spewed a spaghetti out of my nose.
44:26Tequila's the one with the shot, then the sugar, and then the lemon, right?
44:29Yeah, and I had a friend...
44:29Oh, Sambuca's not.
44:30Yeah, well, I had a friend who would sniff the line of salt down it and then put the lime
44:35in his eye.
44:36Aren't you mate any more?
44:37He's dead now.
44:38Oh.
44:43As the sun sets and Jesus starts his annual mooch through the streets,
44:48Dan and I have got a chance to look back on our first week living out of a bag.
44:54What have we learnt about ourselves?
44:57We've learnt about ourselves.
44:59Well, I do what I've learnt.
45:01I miss silly little things, you know, like I do, like, a squirt of salad cream on my plate, you
45:06know?
45:06Yeah, just getting in bed of a night and having your own little bits, I miss that.
45:10I do think they're family-oriented, dear.
45:12Very, very different to the UK.
45:14What I will say is this.
45:15Me and you are very close.
45:17Mm.
45:17But I don't think I've ever felt as close to you as I have this week.
45:22Oh.
45:24I love you, darling.
45:25Oh, I love you.
45:26You're one of my mates.
45:28If you weren't my dad and I met you at school, I would have wanted to be your friend.
45:33OK.
45:34Any highlights?
45:35What's your...
45:36I've seen so many sunsets.
45:37I've only seen, like, three sunsets in my life.
45:40Now, I'll tell you, I've seen about eight.
45:42And now you're over them.
45:43Never be over a sunset.
45:44You know what?
45:45It's been a great week, a hard week, but this is a life experience.
45:49Yeah.
45:49Let's move on and let's fucking gorge on some more Italy.
45:53Oh, I'd love it.
45:56Salud.
45:56Salud.
45:57Salud.
45:58Roll them fucking credits.
46:28I'll see you next time.
46:30I'll see you next time.
46:30You