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00:02I'm halfway through a potty adventure into the lives of my fancy ancestors.
00:07I think when you've got a family tree like mine, you've got to go and explore it.
00:14To find out more, I met a royal expert who gave me an even bigger tree,
00:19with even more regal ancestors on it than I thought possible.
00:23How am I going to get a frame for this?
00:25He also told me which kings, queens and nobles it would be good to get involved with.
00:30Those are the ones who will give you some interesting perspectives
00:33on what it was like to be royal, what it was like to be blue-blooded.
00:37Beautiful.
00:37I can't wait to get stuck into that.
00:40Yeah, bring it on. What a nutty journey this is going to be.
00:45Oh, yes, I'm getting right stuck in, gorging on my ancestors' lives.
00:49Where are you?
00:51I'm carrying on with my amazing history lesson.
00:54Oh, no.
00:56Meeting more clever experts and trying out a whole load of other stuff.
01:00To experience, hands-on, just how it felt to live like my regal relatives.
01:07Where have you been?
01:08I'm going to start with a king and queen, whose lives are like a mad medieval soap opera.
01:13It's up there with one of the worst deaths I've ever heard.
01:16I'll tall up like Britain's toughest knight, my 19 times great-grandfather.
01:22Did I ever have a rest night?
01:24I'll discover how another noble relative knew all the right Tudor moves to get his daughter hitched to the King
01:31of England.
01:33And after coming face to face with one of the brainiest and classiest women on my family tree, I'll finally
01:40get to wear a ruff.
01:43I'm even going to get my little mob involved, so we can all get regaled out of our brains.
01:48You look wicked, Dad.
01:49He's got an earring.
01:51It's going to be a right nutty royal caper.
02:01So I must say, the first half of this journey, it really has spun my nut.
02:06I mean, the Viking thing.
02:08That's it boys, roll!
02:10Rollo, what a man.
02:12Oh!
02:13William the Conqueror, of course.
02:15What's the matter?
02:16You want some?
02:17Get a hold of that.
02:18Henry II, with all his riches.
02:20Your Highness.
02:22And of course, King Louis IX.
02:25Saint Louis.
02:26And I woke up feeling rather holy.
02:29I've learned quite a lot up to this point.
02:31I'm sure there's loads more to learn though.
02:34Now that we're jumping forward, let's see what's in store for me.
02:40In this episode, my journey into the lives of the ancestors I'll be learning about will take in another 400
02:46years of history.
02:48Spanning the 14th to the 17th century.
02:52I'm starting in 1308, when my 23 times great grandparents, Edward II and Isabella of France, came to the English
03:01throne.
03:03I'm now on my way to Leeds Castle.
03:05In Kent.
03:06To find out about...
03:10Edward II.
03:11And there he is, look, with his missus, Isabella.
03:13And this was one of their many royal castles.
03:17I mean, to be fair, it is just another day, another castle for me now.
03:21When you've just walked out of the...
03:22Oh, no, no, it's proper.
03:23Actually, I'll take it all back.
03:25Best castle I've ever seen in my life.
03:27And I've seen a few.
03:29Yeah, lovely.
03:30Nice.
03:31Let's go and get amongst it.
03:39Great big moat.
03:40Do love a moat, mate.
03:41Always been a fan of the moats.
03:44Erm, I'm gonna meet a little treacle called Elizabeth.
03:49Elizabeth being the academic, the historian.
03:53Right, now I've got...
03:54Oh, dear.
03:54Right, so we've got an archway coming up.
03:57Oh, you...
04:01Oh, my God.
04:02Is that getting through here?
04:07Elizabeth.
04:08Hi, Danny.
04:09My sweet fair maiden.
04:13Er...
04:13You impressed with me, Rowan?
04:18Oh, silence.
04:20How lovely.
04:21I'll try and, er...
04:23I'll try...
04:24No, it's all gone wrong, my little sweets.
04:27I'll try and get out here with some grace, as a king would.
04:32Is that how he would get here?
04:33Cos there is a nice little bridge over there I could have bowled across.
04:36Edward was the real man of the people.
04:38Erm, he liked rowing, he liked swimming,
04:41he liked digging ditches when he got the opportunity
04:43and thatching people's houses.
04:45He liked the common people.
04:46As far from a royal prince or a king as you could possibly get
04:49with his hobbies.
04:50I mean, everyone thought it was really strange, really unkingly.
04:52Imagine a king coming around to fetch your house.
04:55Or imagine telling your neighbours, going,
04:56yeah, the king fetched my roof.
04:59No-one would have it.
05:00They'd go, no, shut up.
05:03Nice arch.
05:04Yeah, it's very nice.
05:06You can't beat the story of Edward II in medieval history.
05:10Him and his wife, Isabella,
05:12they are the most dysfunctional couple
05:14towards the end of their relationship
05:16that you can possibly come across.
05:17It's a real, it's full of drama, intrigue, murder.
05:20It's, I mean, it's a soap opera.
05:21It's a real sort of EastEnders moment,
05:23sort of duff, duff, duff, duff.
05:24Really?
05:25Yeah.
05:26Good duff-duffs, well done.
05:27I've been practising.
05:28They all look the same, really, my relatives.
05:30Erm, I didn't quite know which one he was
05:32cos they all look quite feminine-looking.
05:34But, obviously, this must be Isabella.
05:36That's it.
05:37So, Isabella is probably the most vivid
05:40and interesting medieval woman
05:42that you'll find in your ancestry.
05:44We remember her now as Isabella the she-wolf of France.
05:48And that nickname itself says a lot
05:50about how people view women in the past
05:53and how they have been viewed
05:54because Isabella was a strong woman.
05:56She didn't just stay at home with her sewing.
05:58Erm, she didn't just do what her male relatives told her.
06:01She took political action.
06:02She was a real politician
06:03and took action on her own behalf.
06:05I like that.
06:05A modern-day woman.
06:06Modern-day woman.
06:07And because of that,
06:08she's remembered very unfavourably
06:10and has this terrible nickname.
06:12Isabella the she-wolf.
06:13I quite like it.
06:15Where have you been?
06:17Erm...
06:18Have you been out with Hugh Bloody Dispenser?
06:21First it was Piers Bloody Gaveston
06:23and now it's Hugh.
06:24Now I'm gonna chop his bloody balls off.
06:27I loved you for over ten long years.
06:32And you only slept with me because you wanted an heir.
06:37Yeah?
06:38Yeah?
06:38Well, I should have never married an English bloke.
06:40Can we just stop shouting and holler at him?
06:42Especially not one that prefers guys to girls.
06:46Ah, yeah. Erm...
06:49Roger...
06:50Roger?
06:51He's more of a man than you.
06:52We're just pals.
06:53Who's Roger?
06:54Roger De Mortimer is my lover.
06:57OK.
06:58Now get out of my castle!
07:01Don't like it in there anyway.
07:04I get the nickname now.
07:05Little bit strong, was it?
07:07And was Edward gay?
07:08Well, we don't know for sure.
07:11Erm...
07:11He had these very close relationships.
07:12I hope so.
07:13I hope we're mixing it up a little bit.
07:15Yeah, yeah.
07:16He had very close relationships with his favourites.
07:18So there was Piers Gaveston first
07:20and then Hugh Dispenser,
07:21who Isabella was obviously talking about then.
07:24Sorry, Isabella.
07:25I love another man.
07:26It's a bit of a love triangle.
07:27It really is like a soap opera then, isn't it?
07:29Good story.
07:30I hope EastEnders are watching.
07:31Take note.
07:34Edward II was dominated by his favourites,
07:38close friends who influenced his decisions.
07:42First there was Piers Gaveston,
07:44who was eventually executed.
07:47And then Hugh Dispenser.
07:50Isabella hated Hugh
07:51and with her powerful lover Roger Mortimer,
07:54she raised an army on the continent,
07:56returning to England to capture both Edward and Hugh.
08:00So I've got a picture.
08:02Erm, I should warn you, it's a bit grisly.
08:04Oh dear.
08:05Let's have a look at the smudge.
08:06There we go.
08:07Oh, OK.
08:08So what's going on here then?
08:09So down there is Isabella.
08:10Mm-hm.
08:11And look at that small figure just lying down there.
08:14Oh, what ear?
08:15Yeah.
08:15That is Hugh Dispenser the Younger.
08:17Oh no.
08:20Have they taken his, his winkle?
08:22Yep.
08:23She did exactly what she told you she was going to do just a minute ago.
08:27So an executioner chopped off Hugh's penis and his testicles.
08:31Oh.
08:31While he was still conscious and still alive.
08:33Oh.
08:33And they then threw it into the fire below.
08:36Well, Isabella, I'll never love you like I loved Hugh.
08:40So, you know, you can take his winkle and you can burn it and do whatever you want to do.
08:47But, er, I think that was his true love, wasn't it?
08:50She knew it.
08:51Yeah.
08:51Why on earth would she dismember him and torture him in such a way?
08:55Medieval punishments were brutal and painful.
08:59But it's rare to have a castration.
09:01And I think it shows that Isabella thought that the relationship between Hugh and Edward was sexual.
09:05And she was furious about it.
09:09It's up there with one of the worst deaths I've ever heard.
09:11Isn't it?
09:12Yeah.
09:13She was me fave for a little bit.
09:14And now five minutes later, I hate her.
09:17Interesting, isn't it?
09:18How it works with families.
09:20Where's Edward in all this?
09:22I mean...
09:22To find out what happens next, you need to go to Barclays Castle.
09:26Where is it?
09:26It's in Gloucestershire.
09:30It's a lovely-looking castle.
09:34Quite camp, actually.
09:35It's quite fitting.
09:37Very nice.
09:37Very pretty.
09:41Ah!
09:43Young Chris.
09:44Hi, Danny.
09:45It's a pleasure to meet you.
09:47Give me some academic love.
09:48Nice to meet you.
09:49With pleasure.
09:50How nice it is.
09:51This is nice, isn't it?
09:52This is another proper go.
09:53This is Barclay Castle.
09:55Love it.
09:55This is where King Edward II was brought.
09:58Love it.
09:58And we're going to have a look in here.
10:00You go first.
10:02We're going to...
10:02Yeah, in here.
10:03We're going to have a look in the room where he stayed.
10:05Oh, okay.
10:06Is this where his throne is, is it?
10:07Yeah.
10:08Well, you might call it a throne.
10:10But, er...
10:11Anyway.
10:13Oh, so you've locked the door on me, have you?
10:20Okay.
10:23Very slippery that was, Chris.
10:24I thought we were pals.
10:30Can I have some bread and water?
10:33Oh, here he is.
10:35So, talk to me.
10:36I mean...
10:37Edward's the king?
10:38Yep.
10:39So, what's he doing in here?
10:40Well, Isabella and Roger Mortimer.
10:42As you know, they captured Edward II.
10:45And it was they, really, who brought about Edward's downfall.
10:49He was a king who allowed himself to be dominated by favourites.
10:55But kings through time have had favourites.
10:58Oh, they certainly have.
10:59They need favourites around them.
11:00Well...
11:01But, of course, there was something else going on.
11:03Yeah.
11:03That made it, you know, that it was obvious that maybe his favourites were there for more than they should
11:09have been.
11:10I think that Edward was not vilified necessarily because of homosexuality.
11:16What really mattered was the intensity and the exclusivity of those relationships.
11:23And that was fiercely resented.
11:26So, what do you think they did with Edward II after they captured him?
11:31Well, I fear they killed him.
11:33Well, they said to him, you need to resign the throne.
11:36And he agreed to abdicate.
11:38Really?
11:39Yeah.
11:39Was this the actual cell he would have been in?
11:41This was the cell.
11:43Is this the actual room?
11:44Yep.
11:45Is it really?
11:46It is.
11:47So, he would have sat in...
11:48It would have had bars on the windows.
11:50And according to one story, underneath this, there was a kind of pit, a dungeon.
11:55And they filled it with stinking, rotting corpses.
11:59Oh, so he would have had that smell.
12:00And the stench was unbearable.
12:03In his saddest moments, this would have been the actual room that he was in.
12:09You know, that anxiety and that fear and that feeling of failure, you know.
12:14Oh, I think a terrible feeling of failure.
12:16Yeah.
12:16I mean, a man who had been king of England, and here he was, reduced to a miserable prisoner.
12:28Here we have a transcript of a 14th century chronicle.
12:33This describes how they treated Edward II and what ultimately happened to him.
12:40The said late king was shut up in a close chamber, where his jailers rushed in the night time into
12:50this room.
12:51Mm-hmm.
12:51Right.
12:52And with great and heavy feather beds, mattresses, smothered him, thrusting a hollow instrument like the end of a trumpet
13:03or glister pipe into his fundament.
13:07And through it, a red-hot iron.
13:09Hold on a minute.
13:10Let me just get this straight.
13:11He's been stabbed with a trumpet.
13:12Well, I mean, into his fundament.
13:16Well, was that what?
13:18That's what I mean.
13:19That's what I mean.
13:20That's what I mean.
13:20Some of his arse.
13:21Yep.
13:23OK, should we go through this again, just so it's clear?
13:28Thrusting a hollow instrument like the end of a trumpet or glister pipe into his fundament, and through it, a
13:37red-hot iron up into his bowels.
13:40Here, in this cell, in Barclay Castle.
13:44They chuck a mattress over his nut.
13:45They put a trumpet up his bottle, bottle and glass, right, which means bum, right?
13:51And then not only that, they then stick a red-hot poker as well.
13:56So they've really just gone in there and they've gone crackers on him.
13:59They've got all medieval round him, is what they would say.
14:01Well, most people think that it was actually through suffocation that he was killed,
14:06and that this may have been a story ten years after Edward's death, which had some relation to the rumours
14:14that he was gay.
14:18I'm in a bit of a sombre mood.
14:20I knew at some point it was going to take a little bit of an emotional dip.
14:24I'm very proud of Edward.
14:25He'd committed to the man that he was born to be, which was probably a gay man.
14:30And being in the medieval period would have been impossible, especially a man in his position.
14:36All my other ancestors up to this point have touched me in certain ways,
14:39but they've been very brave people and they've stood by their beliefs.
14:42But this one, how do you juggle this?
14:45But it is a bit like a soap opera, I will say that.
14:48Their lives, the lovers, the triangles.
14:52You'll notice up to this point I've sort of been re-enacting stuff and living like them and dressing like
14:56them.
14:56I'm glad we're not re-enacting anything from Edward II.
15:01I'm glad there's no trumpets laying about.
15:09After Edward II, his son, Edward III, came to the throne, the last monarch on my family tree.
15:16But even if they weren't royal anymore,
15:19many of my aristocratic relatives got mixed up in some of the most important moments in British history.
15:25My 19 times great-grandfather was Sir Henry Hotspur Percy,
15:29born in 1364, one of the most famous medieval knights of his day.
15:35Here I am, a Cockney fellow in the middle of the woods, because my journey now has reached Henry Percy,
15:43or Henry Hotspur Percy. I'm not going to call him Hotspur, I refuse to.
15:47It just doesn't really roll off the tongue, being a West Ham fan.
15:49So I'm going to put that in a little box, the football thing, because I need to concentrate on this
15:55man.
15:55We're going off tracks, literally, because he's not royal.
15:59But he did knock about with royals. Clearly like to tear up.
16:02I don't know what he's doing, he's standing on some dog or something, which upsets me slightly.
16:08I'm excited. You know, I'm going to get this get-up on.
16:13Yeah.
16:15I'm meeting an expert on knights in armour called Toby,
16:19who's going to help me understand my Henry.
16:28Hi, Daddy. How are you?
16:30All right.
16:30I've experienced a bit of this chainmail with the Viking period.
16:33Did it change a lot, did it, or is it the same sort of...?
16:36No, mail is one of the most universal forms of armour.
16:39And it's used by the Romans, Vikings, Normans.
16:42And in the 14th century, in the age of Henry Percy,
16:45mail is still a hugely important part of the knight's equipment.
16:49Heavy, isn't it?
16:49It is heavy, but it's worth wearing.
16:52The 14th century, where we are now, is the age when mail is being augmented
16:56with large pieces of articulated plate armour.
17:00Why?
17:00So to get it on, we've got to start at the feet and work our way up.
17:05OK.
17:08Oh, it's not going to...
17:09It should be.
17:11Oh, ho, ho, ho.
17:12I'm just going to ask you to hold that for a second.
17:13Oh, yes.
17:15Oh, it's intense.
17:16You would feel quite indestructible.
17:19You need to feel indestructible
17:20so that everybody else believes that you're indestructible.
17:23Yeah.
17:23This is a culture where you can't send young men to die
17:26unless you go with them.
17:28They're not going to fight for England.
17:31They're going to fight for you.
17:32But you can't get the commanders killed.
17:35You're far too important, aren't you?
17:36So you need the gear to make sure they can fight in the front lines
17:40and have a reasonable chance of surviving.
17:43There we go.
17:44Good.
17:45Good.
17:45This is arrow-proof.
17:47This is crossbow-proof.
17:48This is a major leap forward in armor technology.
17:51Rock off.
17:52And someone like Henry Percy would have been one of the first people to have the latest gear.
17:58It just gets heavier and heavier.
18:02Incredible.
18:04It's like wearing another man.
18:07Whatever that feels like.
18:11Someone like Henry Percy would have been wearing armor since he was eight, ten years old.
18:16Constantly training.
18:17Just get used to it.
18:17Your whole body evolves to be an engine to power this equipment.
18:22How long could battle was going for?
18:23Three hours.
18:24Oh, three hours.
18:25Something like that.
18:26After about three, four hours.
18:27Everyone's dead.
18:28Yeah.
18:29Henry Percy got his nickname Hotspur because of his speed in battle.
18:34He served under both Richard II and Henry IV, gaining a fierce reputation defending the
18:41English border with Scotland and in wars abroad.
18:45Percy also showed off his skills at tournaments, which earned him celebrity status.
18:53People in the 14th century had to exercise and train in this stuff as well.
18:57And there's a number of descriptions of how knights actually trained so that they could
19:02stay in their armors and fight for long periods of time.
19:07By running through forests like this in their armor.
19:22Well, I got caught up in the tree.
19:24Oh.
19:25That's no good, is it?
19:26I didn't think about that, did they, in the medieval period.
19:28Trees can cut for you.
19:30Look.
19:32What do you want to do now, young Toby?
19:34Press-ups.
19:34Press-ups?
19:36Two.
19:38Three.
19:44That's hard work, that.
19:45It's not just that, it's just the armor digging into your skin.
19:48Yeah, yeah.
19:49On the old knuckles.
19:50Yeah.
19:51Otherwise I'd have been able to do about 50.
19:55I noticed in films and that, you see, you know, a lot of actors, you know, like myself, without
20:01the helmet, you know, in battle.
20:04Just wouldn't happen, would it?
20:06No, no.
20:07That's one of the things that drives me crazy about historical dramas these days, actually.
20:11They want to see the actor's face, I understand that, I guess.
20:14It's really sexy, isn't it?
20:15Obviously, yes, but in a battle that your head is the most exposed, the most vulnerable
20:22part of you, you take one shot on your head and you're finished.
20:25And you've got nice gear.
20:27You don't need to see your face.
20:28Everybody knows who you are.
20:29That's debatable, but once you've got that out.
20:32I'll tell you what, man, I'll get recognized.
20:33I wouldn't mind bowling about in blue water, like this.
20:37Save me a lot of aggravation with selfies.
20:45When this visor goes down, there's no human side to you at all anymore.
20:49No.
20:50When that visor goes down, you become a killing machine.
20:54And people can't look in your eyes, they can't see the look on your face.
20:57You could be terrified in there.
20:59You could be crying under there.
21:00You could be crying under there, but once the visor's down, it's only the image that the
21:05armour is projecting.
21:08It's a transformative thing.
21:10The only thing I do like about the armour is you can't tell I've got a belly.
21:14Maybe we should try a bit of weaponage before I faint.
21:18Yeah.
21:18Shall we try the axes?
21:20Yeah.
21:22Young man, prepare me.
21:27With complete armour like this, swords are not going to do anything.
21:31So if you need armour fighting weapons like this, the two-handed pole axe,
21:35which is one of the classic knightly weapons of this period.
21:40What?
21:42You couldn't whisper in this, could you?
21:44If I went, look, listen, they're over that way, I think.
21:48They've not seen us.
21:49But what we'll do is, we'll sneak up around the back.
21:52You know what I mean?
21:53Yeah.
21:54Just try and hit me right here.
21:55Oh, okay.
21:55Go ahead.
21:57So, there's not a lot you can see, is there?
22:00No.
22:00Fuck all.
22:01But a lot of this is just being aware of the space around you even when you can't see it.
22:06So I still know where you are, even though I can't see very much.
22:10Where are you?
22:13Over here.
22:14You could probably take a donk on the head from this, couldn't you?
22:17Give it a try.
22:18I won't go in there.
22:19Look, you know.
22:20Oh, yeah.
22:20Look, look.
22:21Give me one.
22:22Go on.
22:24Yeah, all right.
22:24Fuck it.
22:26Show me another move.
22:27Uh-huh.
22:28Okay.
22:29Try, with the Q, come up high and try and use the Q to stab me in the chest.
22:34And then come in with that.
22:35Yeah?
22:36Okay.
22:41Did I ever have a rest night after, you know, they go, hold up a minute, mate.
22:46I mean...
22:46Absolutely.
22:47Oh, good.
22:49Competitive fights that were fought in friendly conditions are usually fought to a certain number
22:54of blows in a friendly context, not on the battlefield.
22:59I can see why.
23:00Yeah.
23:01It's tiring.
23:02It's difficult, this.
23:03Should we...
23:03Let's get out.
23:04Should we have a night kiss?
23:05Absolutely.
23:05Come here.
23:06All right.
23:11Having loyally served Henry IV, Percy became angry at what he felt was the King's unfavourable
23:18treatment of him.
23:19Percy made his complaints known and took up arms against the King.
23:24He was killed in battle in 1403.
23:28When rumours circulated that Percy was still alive, Henry IV ordered his body to be dug up
23:34and his head cut off and placed on a spike.
23:38It's clearly one of my relatives though, isn't it?
23:40Because he was a bit of a celebrity in his day for being a knight.
23:44And he was obviously a bit trappy.
23:46That was his downfall.
23:48You know, speak in your mind.
23:52I hope it's not mine.
23:57I will say that I have the utmost respect for this Henry cat to be the ultimate, you know,
24:04characters that war and fought in this stuff.
24:07I mean, it's dedication.
24:10Because I cannot explain to you how horrible wearing this gear is.
24:15And I can't wait to take it off and put my chinos on.
24:26Henry Hotspur Percy died in 1403.
24:29Half a century later, England was rocked by a series of conflicts known as the Wars of the Roses
24:36that only came to an end with the arrival of the Tudor dynasty and King Henry VII.
24:42One of Henry's most loyal soldiers and courtiers was Sir John Seymour,
24:46my 15 times great-grandfather who served under both Henry VII and his son, Henry VIII.
25:00So here I am in Great Bedouin in Wiltshire.
25:03We've hit the Tudor period.
25:06Sir John Seymour, who I'm very intrigued about.
25:09I'm here to see Tracy Borman.
25:12Come to me.
25:15John Seymour.
25:16John Seymour.
25:17So, um, I've been doing this on my journey.
25:20I've got a nice little smudge.
25:21A smudge means photo.
25:23Of Sir John.
25:24He wasn't a secret father Christmas.
25:26And it's one hell of a beard, isn't it?
25:28It is a beard, innit?
25:30And that tends to denote age.
25:34So, you know, he was seen as quite an ancient man.
25:37He lived to the age of 60, which actually is not bad for those times.
25:42Average age 35 at death.
25:44OK.
25:45So, he's had a long life.
25:46The longer the beard, the longer the life.
25:49And you can actually meet Sir John in the church.
25:52Oh, is he knocking about?
25:53He's knocking about.
25:54We dug him up.
25:55HE LAUGHS
25:58So, here we are in your ancestor's church.
26:08Ah, here we are.
26:09Can I touch him?
26:10Do you reckon?
26:11I think you can.
26:12Just touch him.
26:13You know.
26:15My 15-times great-grandfather, Sir John,
26:19is an important man because he's got his own tomb.
26:22Yep.
26:23Now, if you want to read the inscription,
26:25especially that top line there.
26:27Here lie off entombed the worthy,
26:30Sir John Seymour of Wolf Hall.
26:33Which is now, of course, world famous,
26:36because, of course, the famous novel, the plays, the TV.
26:39Yeah.
26:40The daughter of Sir John, Jane, Queen of England,
26:45wife to King Henry VIII
26:47and mother to King Edward VI.
26:51Jane the Queen.
26:52That's why the Seymours have gone down in history.
26:55Of course.
26:55Jane Seymour marries Henry VIII
26:58and is the only one of the six wives to give Henry a son.
27:02And that really did propel the Seymours, then, to greatness.
27:07They were already a distinguished family,
27:10but now they were all-powerful.
27:13So, would you like to go and see the place, Wolf Hall?
27:15I'd love to, yeah, that's right. Where is it?
27:17It's very close to here.
27:19There's still a few bits of the original house remaining.
27:22Oh, OK.
27:24I'll be very... Yeah, and I'll be very intrigued to, er...
27:27It's just, erm...
27:28It makes me feel, erm...
27:32It's a nice feeling.
27:34Not that he's dead.
27:36Cos that would be weird.
27:38It's just a nice feeling to think that, you know,
27:41people I'm related to are celebrated so much.
27:45That's the key.
27:54So, here we are.
27:55Wow.
27:56Is this it?
27:57Well, this is a later house,
27:59but it stands on the site of the original...
28:02Still some bits...
28:03Really?
28:03...of the Tudor house.
28:07Hello.
28:07Hi, nice to see you.
28:09Danny.
28:09I'm Genevieve, nice to meet you.
28:10Pleasure to meet you.
28:11Hi, I'm Tracy.
28:12This is young Tracy.
28:13Hello.
28:14So, what, you live here?
28:15I do.
28:15Erm, I've lived here since I was born, yeah.
28:17Really?
28:18Yeah.
28:18What does it feel like to live in Walfall?
28:22Erm, at first it just seemed normal to me, cos this was...
28:25And then when you find out more, it's pretty surreal.
28:28So, what are you...
28:29So, are you related to Sir John Seymour?
28:32Yeah.
28:33Are you?
28:34Yeah.
28:34Yeah.
28:36And that means that we...
28:37That makes you family.
28:39We're family.
28:39We are.
28:40Come here.
28:41Thanks.
28:42Oh, that's nice.
28:43It's important, this is.
28:45So, obviously what happened was is that it...
28:47The trees, it went to you instead of me.
28:52And I ended up in a working class sort of council estate.
28:56You didn't do bad though, did you?
28:58Not too bad.
28:58Have you seen the ghost of him knocking about?
29:00Not me personally.
29:02But is there talk of it?
29:03Yeah, last weekend someone thought they saw a ghost.
29:06Oh.
29:06Really?
29:06Yeah.
29:07Really.
29:07Fascinating.
29:08Yeah.
29:08I love it.
29:11Wow.
29:16What are your first impressions?
29:18I'm not going to lie to you, Trace.
29:19It's a bit underwhelming, as beautiful as it is.
29:23What with the palaces I've been to and monasteries, chapels, whatever.
29:29Um, it's a little bit diddy.
29:32You're absolutely right, and that's really the point.
29:34Wolf Hall was quite a small house for Henry VIII to visit, as he does in 1535 as part of
29:41his royal progress around the country.
29:43So why did he come here?
29:45To spend time with Sir John Seymour and, in particular, with John's daughter, Jane.
29:53Despite living in a house rather than a castle, Sir John Seymour impressed Henry VIII and his daughter, Jane, married
30:00the king.
30:02The Seymour family were regulars at Henry's court, where it was important to know exactly how to behave.
30:12Tudor etiquette.
30:13Very important.
30:14I think it's time for me to start getting involved in a little bit of that.
30:17I could do with it.
30:19And also, it's time for me to dress up.
30:20It's been a while.
30:21And so I'm going to meet Maria, who's a dress historian.
30:25That's a nutty job, innit?
30:26Uh, and, uh, I'm in her hands.
30:29I have no idea what I've got planned today.
30:31But I think it's time to refine meself.
30:35Which my mother will be over the moon with.
30:42It's not, is that all my get-up?
30:44Yes.
30:44Yes.
30:45I mean, it's a big old trunk, innit?
30:46It is.
30:47But you're a wealthy man, and wealthy men wore lots of layers.
30:51What a lovely pair of pants that is.
30:52Look at that.
30:53Look, I mean...
30:53Yeah.
30:54I'm thinking you may have got me sizes wrong.
30:57Slightly.
30:57Only the very best for you.
30:58Uh, okay.
31:00Well, I'm very excited by all this.
31:02I think I should just get the get-up on.
31:03I think you should.
31:04Okay.
31:05Shall I take me shirt off?
31:07Well, yes.
31:08All right.
31:10You might need to take off more than your shirt.
31:12Oh, Marie, I like it.
31:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:14It's always the quiet ones you have to worry about.
31:17Here we go, then.
31:20Would, uh, would Sir John, would he have had a dresser?
31:27I suppose he would have, wouldn't he?
31:28He would.
31:29He would.
31:29Lazy, innit?
31:30No, no, no.
31:31It's an absolute indicator of your place in society
31:33that you would have had someone to dress you.
31:35Okay.
31:36Let's get these off.
31:37And the socks.
31:38And the socks as well.
31:39All right, okay.
31:39I usually keep your socks on, man.
31:41No, no.
31:42I'm afraid the socks off.
31:44Always socks off, Maria.
31:45Always.
31:47Normally, the shirt would be a little longer.
31:49But most men didn't wear any other undergarments.
31:52So the shirt would have been all you would have had.
31:55What we need next are your hose.
31:57And at this point, so this is the sort of the Tudor equivalent of your jeans.
32:01So this is a hoe, is it?
32:02Is this an expensive hoe?
32:04Well, these aren't quite how they would have been.
32:06Cheap hoe.
32:06And, of course, if we're thinking about the shape of men's bodies at this point,
32:10one of the things that you would want is good legs.
32:12And, obviously, this is what helps show off the legs.
32:14I've got a bad leg, have I?
32:16No, no, they're very nice.
32:17This is where all the decoration comes in the hose.
32:20It gets a bit silly now, doesn't it?
32:22I mean, why would they?
32:23Let's put them on.
32:24Yep.
32:24Look at these nutty pair of strides these are.
32:27Who's designing clobber then?
32:28I'll tell you what we're going to do.
32:30We're going to get a geezer, all right?
32:31And we're just going to get the biggest puffball.
32:34Massive.
32:34I think they're insane, these people.
32:36What's it about?
32:36I mean, is it peacocking?
32:38Very much.
32:39And we haven't finished yet.
32:40So no pair of hose is complete without the codpiece.
32:44The codpiece would have been attached at the front to conceal
32:46the front opening of the hose.
32:49The key thing here is all about size,
32:52so it's a question of how daring you feel
32:54as to what sort of size and shape of codpiece you choose.
32:57Let's have a look at it.
32:57Oh, wow.
33:00I mean, I like the style of that one,
33:01but I don't know if there's much room.
33:03Well, no, bear in mind that they're solid and padded.
33:06Well, we're all solid around here.
33:09You are the dress historian, why don't you choose my codpiece?
33:12Well, we've got two that we think actually would go well
33:15with the hose and the other items.
33:16So it's really a question of which one would you like.
33:19Obviously, everything at the Tudor Court's highly competitive,
33:22so you're going to want to show that you are a man of status.
33:29And the larger the codpiece, the more status.
33:32I mean, I'd wear it that way.
33:35But of course it's got to go that way, hasn't it?
33:37Yes.
33:37Because we're giving it the big one.
33:39Exactly.
33:40As they say.
33:41Why is it called a codpiece?
33:43Because, you know, cod means fish.
33:46It does.
33:47But also in the sort of 15th and 16th century English slang,
33:51it meant scrotum.
33:52Did it?
33:53I mean, I would fear, you know, modern day times,
33:56the flashier the car, the Ferrari,
33:59it means that you're obviously overcompensating for something.
34:03So probably I would have used my brain and gone for a smaller codpiece,
34:06just to let everyone know in the room that I don't need a big codpiece
34:10because what's underneath is Godzilla.
34:16It's just fascinating.
34:18Mm-hm.
34:18Their mentality.
34:19Yes.
34:20And they're intelligent people and they want to dress well.
34:23Yeah.
34:23And then they can't sort of spoil it without, I suppose.
34:25There's no need for it, but, you know, let's move on
34:30because I think this is getting rather hot in here.
34:34So this is your doublet.
34:35This is the main upper garment.
34:36They're usually made to match the hose.
34:39And together, when you had both of these on,
34:41these would give you the definitive Tudor look.
34:44Now, the thing about the codpiece now at this point,
34:47because it's not showing...
34:49Oh, it will do in a minute.
34:50Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying, if you was to look now,
34:52it looks rather, you know, it could be...
34:55There we go.
34:56So you sort of reveal it.
34:57Yes.
34:57That's what I'd probably do back in the day
34:58if there was loads of young maidens.
35:00I'd reveal it.
35:02There you go.
35:02It'll be gasping, won't they, Maria?
35:05Eh?
35:06Gasping.
35:07You know.
35:08Deeply impressed.
35:08Gasping for breath.
35:10Oh, yeah, I'm feeling it now.
35:14Here's your gown.
35:15This is the real marker of status for a man at this point.
35:20Oh, yeah, here we go.
35:21A bit more puffball, of course, to match the trousers.
35:26And this is how anyone meeting you would have known
35:29that you were at the top of Tudor society.
35:32What's that?
35:33Bit of...
35:33Bit of what?
35:35Sable.
35:36Sable?
35:36I don't know.
35:37Was that an animal?
35:37It is.
35:38Sable is...
35:39It's...
35:41What is it?
35:42It's one of the sort of the family like the mink.
35:46It's a mink, yeah.
35:47Sable was one of the things that was restricted to the royal family.
35:51But Henry could allow his friends the right to wear it.
35:55And then, finally, you would have had your hat.
35:59Lovely.
36:01I'm trying to get into it now.
36:02As you stand there like that,
36:04you are giving us an idea of the absolute classic shape
36:07for men at Henry VIII's court.
36:09It's the upper body that is being accentuated here,
36:13but still you'd want to have shapely calves and ankles.
36:17It's all about attention-seeking, isn't it?
36:20Yes.
36:20Desperate.
36:21Yeah.
36:22Just so that they get the nod from the king.
36:24Yeah.
36:25It must have been exhausting.
36:27You dress me very well, young maiden.
36:36Yeah, how much do you pay for your horse?
36:38Work with you a quid?
36:39My horses work with you.
36:41Sorry?
36:42No, it's white.
36:44It's a white horse.
36:46I'm just practising.
36:48If it comes up, the conversation...
36:50Sorry?
36:51No, it's Sable.
36:53I know you was thinking that it was Ferret
36:55because you were a bit...
36:56But it's actually a nice bit of new, brand new...
37:00Got it down the Sable market.
37:02Yeah.
37:05So, er...
37:06Bring on the next activity.
37:13Tansy?
37:13Hello, Danny.
37:15What a pleasure.
37:16Can I give you a cuddle?
37:18Is that due to etiquette?
37:19Better probably just to reference.
37:21Do I ever...
37:22Do I do that in order?
37:22That would be perfect.
37:24OK, lovely.
37:24You look the part.
37:26And now you need to act the part too.
37:29OK, so...
37:30I've got the stance.
37:31You've got the posture.
37:31Oh, yeah, I've got that locked down.
37:33I had that locked down hours ago.
37:34And if you want to impress the king,
37:37then you need to be able to join in with him.
37:39Hmm.
37:39So, even if when you arrived at court
37:42you couldn't sing very well,
37:44you would learn how.
37:45You would get yourself a tutor.
37:47And that would be you, Tansy?
37:49That would be me.
37:49Because, er...
37:50You could be a musician.
37:51I could tell by your get-up.
37:53Another courtier thing to do.
37:54I could tell.
37:55Because you could never love beautiful fingers.
37:59So, we...
38:00We thought we'd teach you a nice French song.
38:02Does it have to be French?
38:04I know.
38:05I'm in your hands, actually.
38:06I'm sorry.
38:06I'm not being a very good coach at the moment.
38:08All you need to do is bouvant bien.
38:12Bouvant bien.
38:14Bouvant bien.
38:14Bouvant bien.
38:15Oh, no.
38:15This is what the music looks like.
38:17Oh, God.
38:18And...
38:19I haven't got me bins,
38:20me binoculars, me glasses.
38:21That's fine.
38:22I will sing it to you until you have it.
38:24Good.
38:25Bouvant bien.
38:28Bouvant bien.
38:30Bouvant bien.
38:32Bouvant bien.
38:33Bouvant bien.
38:33Let's have the other.
38:34Bouvant bien.
38:36Bouvant bien.
38:39Bouvant bien.
38:40Bouvant bien.
38:41Bouvant bien.
38:43Bouvant bien.
38:43I thought I'd add a bit at the end.
38:45That's all right.
38:46Bouvant bien.
38:47What does that mean, then?
38:47It means drink well.
38:49Drink it up.
38:50Have a Jagerbom.
38:52I like that down bit.
38:53It suits me voice better.
38:54Yeah, you've got a good bass voice.
38:58I've got that locked down, then.
39:00Won't be needing this.
39:02Excellent.
39:02Let us add some more singers, then.
39:03Come on, then.
39:04Bouvant bien.
39:12Bouvant bien.
39:22Bouvant bien.
39:31Bouvant bien.
39:33Bouvant bien.
39:35Bouvant bien.
39:35Very nice.
39:36Lovely.
39:41Not only did the ideal Tudor courtier need to sing in order to impress the opposite sex
39:45and the king, they were also expected to speak Greek and Latin, recite poetry, dance gracefully
39:54and play a musical instrument such as the harp or lute.
39:59Now, just play that note with your thumb.
40:02What one is it?
40:02It's loads of strings here and there.
40:06No, you're already in the Tudor period, aren't you?
40:08Just hearing us.
40:09I've gone, mate.
40:09I've gone, Robin.
40:10I went a little while ago, but now I'm in there.
40:13What are you laughing at?
40:15It's a serious history programme.
40:33Lovely.
40:36Beautiful.
40:47Wind it down.
40:56Oh, it's like making love to you, Robin, it was, in a strange musical way.
40:59It's a real gentleman.
41:01Let's get the trequels in.
41:05Charlotte.
41:06Oh, pleased to meet you.
41:07I'd like to give you a cuddle, but I can't.
41:09No.
41:10No, no, no, no.
41:10Where's the love?
41:11That, well, in this period, we do show our respect.
41:15You say that, but I'm walking around with a codpiece hanging out.
41:18No, no, no.
41:18Well, no, no, because there's a very, very special way that we reverence to each other.
41:22OK.
41:22You see, because I'm here, Danny, to teach you some dancing.
41:25The modern-day man just stands in, you know, all that game.
41:27It's not encouraged to dance, is it?
41:29It's just, you know, you're just standing there like that, watching, you know, ladies dancing.
41:33You know, it's just not called pint in your hand.
41:35Classic.
41:36No, in the Tudor period, though, you had to learn to dance.
41:40Because it showed that you were an aristocrat, you were of high status.
41:44It showed that, physically, you were better than those people who were below you, you see.
41:49Because those people who are below you couldn't move in the same way.
41:52We're actually going to touch each other, we're going to hold each other's hand.
41:54Lovely.
41:55Yeah, just like that.
41:56Don't grab me, though.
41:57Oh, no, sorry.
41:58No, just lightly.
41:59Because at any point, the lady's hand will always go on top.
42:02Because at any point, I can walk away.
42:05What, with the ump?
42:06Well, you know, maybe...
42:07So you've got no control as a man?
42:08No.
42:09You think it's going well and you say, ah, she's gone.
42:11And they have some special words.
42:14One is called, uh, spezzatura.
42:17Spezzatura.
42:18And that means, studied nonchalance.
42:21It's a bit like, yeah, I'm so cool.
42:23It means you've worked really hard at looking really cool.
42:25It's in your head.
42:28Spezzatura.
42:28Yeah, yeah.
42:30Now, there's also, uh, phantasmata.
42:34Phantasmata.
42:34You move from being a statue, to exploding with energy,
42:39to bolting like an arrow down the door.
42:41But within the moves?
42:42Within the moves.
42:43So all of this is about how you move,
42:44that we constantly move with grace, but with power.
42:48Let's give you one phantasmata.
42:50Go on, then.
42:50Show me.
42:52All right, all right, all right.
42:52Here we go.
42:53OK.
42:54I want to be impressed.
42:56One, two, three, four, five.
42:59And then I'm half a little bump.
43:01Yeah.
43:01You want some?
43:03Maybe not so aggressively.
43:05Well, I thought the force makes it aggressive, no?
43:07No, not aggressive.
43:08You know.
43:08I do get a bit excitable over it all, don't I?
43:11Remember.
43:12Nonchalance.
43:13Typical man.
43:13Typical man.
43:13Thinks he's pulled a bird.
43:15Rushing it.
43:15Rushing it.
43:16Calm down.
43:17It's OK.
43:18Gotta take it steady.
43:19Looks like you're not putting any effort in,
43:21but still, you are incredibly dignified and graceful.
43:25But sweating profusely.
43:26But you won't show it.
43:28No.
43:28Don't show it.
43:29That's the key.
43:29Show nothing, except for your aristocratic status.
43:35Get them in, let's have a rave.
43:36Tudor star.
43:37Let's go.
44:23Oh.
44:24But then I may go after another man.
44:26I doubt it very much.
44:27But, er, yeah, well done.
44:29Now you have danced, er, as a Tudor gentleman would have done properly at court.
44:33No effort.
44:34But dignity.
44:37All right.
44:37See you later.
44:42That was a mad one, wasn't it?
44:43Hat off.
44:44Hat off.
44:48Sir John Seymour.
44:52Drive me mad, that bit of ostrich.
44:54This Tudor thing.
44:56They're craving for attention all the time by people with status.
45:01Which isn't a bit of me as Danny.
45:03I'm not into all that stuff, really.
45:05You know?
45:07So...
45:09Important I did this.
45:10I think I have learnt some etiquette to take forward.
45:13I don't know what circumstances I would use them, though, but, er...
45:19I think me and John today was at one.
45:22And, again, I hope I did him proud with the...
45:27I was pulling a few Tudor shapes.
45:31Oh!
45:34Beauvain Pierre.
45:42Sir John Seymour died in 1536, towards the end of Henry VIII's reign.
45:49One of Seymour's great-grandchildren was the aristocrat, Catherine Cromwell,
45:54who was born just after Queen Elizabeth I came to the throne.
45:59Catherine, my 12 times great-grandmother, was married to Sir Lionel Tolmash,
46:04and they lived in Helmingham Hall in Suffolk,
46:06where my distant relative, Lord Tolmash, still lives today.
46:11Here I am, back at Helmingham Hall, which I came to a couple of years ago,
46:16to see the Lord.
46:17I love the Lord.
46:18My relative.
46:20Um...
46:21Such an interesting cat.
46:22And, of course, he's gonna tell me about Catherine Cromwell.
46:28So...
46:29We, er...
46:33We have been having a text up, obviously.
46:35He's a busy man, er...
46:42Lord!
46:43I'm here.
46:45There we go.
46:50There's nothing quite like the sound of a drawbridge coming down,
46:53even though it is electric.
46:54Ah!
46:55Looking strong, as always.
46:56LAUGHTER
47:00Lovely.
47:01Hello, Danny.
47:02Hello, sir.
47:02Welcome, welcome.
47:03Very good to see you.
47:04It's lovely to see you as well.
47:05It's been far too long.
47:07It certainly has.
47:07I forgot the beauty of this gaff, to be honest.
47:10Well, last time...
47:11Oh, you've got the picture.
47:12Yes, she is.
47:13Fantastic.
47:13All right.
47:14Very exciting.
47:14This is my last ancestor.
47:15It's been a long journey, this one.
47:17Well, I'm gonna take you indoors to show you her real portrait.
47:21Ah!
47:22Do you want to come on in?
47:23I'd love to.
47:23OK.
47:24It's so good to be wrapped round him again.
47:26Yeah, just a couple of squires.
47:28Just knocking around in their manor.
47:31Oh, yes.
47:39Ah!
47:39So, here we are in the great hall.
47:41Oh, this is a great hall.
47:42Which is a wonderful room.
47:43Yeah.
47:43It's a bit of, er...
47:45Bit of armour.
47:46Yeah, bit of armour.
47:47Have you ever worn a bit of armour?
47:48Well, I wore it and it was so heavy.
47:50It was ridiculous, the chainmail.
47:52You see that one up?
47:53That's the suit of armour I wore when I was 12 or 13, 14.
47:57Really?
47:57And I clanked around the courtyard.
47:59I can imagine.
48:00I mean, I've grown out of it now.
48:02Did you?
48:02I know I could see you wearing that.
48:05I think you could still pull it off.
48:07Er...
48:08Shall we go and have a piper?
48:09A wonderful cafe.
48:15Ah, what a room this is.
48:17In the dining room, yes.
48:18I mean, that is a dining table, isn't it?
48:20I bet there was a lot of wine drunk back in the day.
48:23Yes.
48:24I mean, obviously, we know we're much savourer now, aren't we?
48:26This is what I'm saying.
48:26You're more than a hostess.
48:27You're a gin man.
48:29Is this a...?
48:30No, this is the picture.
48:30Ah!
48:33And she was a very remarkable lady, Catherine.
48:36Yeah, what was it?
48:37What made her so special?
48:39She was what they call a polymath.
48:39In other words, she was an absolute expert on all sorts of knowledge about heraldry, medicine.
48:46OK.
48:47And she wrote a number of books.
48:49You name it, she knew quite a lot about everything.
48:52Was it very rare for a woman to be so knowledgeable?
48:58I think it was really very unusual, actually.
49:01Yeah, yeah.
49:02She was way ahead of her time.
49:04What a woman to have been around.
49:06Yeah.
49:06She'd be good on Mastermind, wouldn't she, Elizabethan Mastermind.
49:09You can imagine if she could have gone on any subject.
49:13She's wearing a wonderful ruff.
49:15It's the ruff of all ruffs.
49:17An amazing woman, though, eh?
49:19Yeah.
49:20Thank you for looking after me again.
49:22Let me chuck the lips on your nut.
49:30The best thing about the time that Catherine lived in is that I finally get to wear a ruff.
49:36And I'm out in the gardens now to sample an Elizabethan special, a sugar banquet.
49:42This is how Catherine impressed her posh guests.
49:44And I'm going to eat some of her very own recipes.
49:48You look splendid.
49:50Come here.
49:52How lovely this is, eh?
49:53It's gorgeous, isn't it?
49:54Now, if I say the word banquet, what does it say to you?
49:58Meat, all that sort of coper.
50:01But I'm wrong.
50:02Well, yeah, because today we use the word banquet
50:05and actually what we mean is feast.
50:06Feast.
50:06So you've had your venison.
50:08You've probably had a cockantrice, which is a bird sewn to a pig by this stage.
50:11Yeah.
50:12And you're full.
50:12And you've got together with a select few friends, you know.
50:15Okay.
50:15Because this is sugar, which is so expensive.
50:19And this says, I've made it.
50:21That I can get no richer.
50:22They really did go over the top.
50:24You wear your wealth outside and you eat your wealth.
50:28And it's very, very much about what you see.
50:31You've got your family crest picked out there in marzipan with gilt on top, real gold,
50:35so that you can really show off.
50:37What you're seeing here really is her work.
50:39This is something that Katherine would have made herself.
50:42You've got gold leaf here.
50:43All of this takes so much time to make.
50:46A bit of gold leaf.
50:47Well, I've got to have a bang on that.
50:53Getting a bit of gold.
50:55You'd have had your team of chefs working on this for days, if not weeks,
51:00to put this together for you.
51:01Classy looking swine.
51:02It's brilliant though, that.
51:03Good bit of heart.
51:04What's that?
51:05All sugar?
51:06It can't be.
51:07And what about the feathers?
51:08Can you eat the feathers?
51:09Dig in.
51:14It's just like having a mouth full of wealth.
51:16What about something like this?
51:18I did clock that.
51:19Yeah.
51:20Any ideas what it is?
51:21It's a bit of Bloomin' Hestenthal, whatever his name is, isn't it?
51:25It looks like bacon.
51:27Yep.
51:27But in fact it's going to be sweet, isn't it?
51:29Yep.
51:30It's Marchpane or marzipan.
51:32They know how unhealthy this was.
51:33No, they thought it was really good for you.
51:35You know, in memory of my ancestors, Catherine, I think I should have a mouth full of this.
51:44I feel like my teeth are slowly growing little socks.
51:46You know what I mean?
51:47Like coating them in this array of sugars.
51:51It does sort of have that effect.
51:53Here we go.
52:09Texture of granite.
52:10What about a sugar flower?
52:12The rose is very good for the heart and the blood.
52:14Is that an actual flower?
52:15Yep.
52:15It is an actual flower.
52:17Maybe an aphrodisiac.
52:18Boats out on that one.
52:19Oh, be careful.
52:20Try it.
52:23Mental, isn't it?
52:25So if you see your husband eating one of these, you think, oh no, is it an aphrodisiac?
52:29Yeah.
52:30Better have a headache.
52:30It's on me tonight.
52:33Leave that there.
52:34Only half a rose for me today.
52:35The level of thought that Catherine must have put into something like this.
52:39The marzipan parter that you've got here and the pastry parter are identical to the gardens that we've got to
52:44either side of us.
52:45Ah.
52:45So this is this garden, but on the table.
52:47So you couldn't go to the next Tudor banquet?
52:49They couldn't have that?
52:49No.
52:50Be a liberty.
52:51I'm really proud of Catherine, actually, to be able to pull this off.
52:55It was quite something to be a hostess of this level in the Tudor era.
53:00So, you know, this is something that you should be proud of.
53:07No proper sugar banquet would be complete without guests and entertainment.
53:12I've invited my family along.
53:13My wife, Jo, and my kids, Danny, Sonny and Artie.
53:18Oh, yes!
53:20Oh, wow.
53:22Dad, look at me.
53:23Look at them.
53:24You look incredible.
53:26You look wicked, Dad.
53:28He's got an eerie.
53:31Come here.
53:32Let's have a look.
53:34Dad, he's not all tight, innit?
53:35You look a bit scary.
53:36You're not scary.
53:37I look a bit scary.
53:38Oh, look at the queen.
53:39It's the queen.
53:40Oh.
53:41Look at her.
53:41She's walking.
53:43Oh.
53:47All right?
53:48God, look at you.
53:49What are you?
53:50Some sort of evil queen.
53:51I'm in character.
53:53She's gone from bikinis to corsets.
53:57I know you have known you.
53:57To corsets.
53:59Quickly.
53:59This is the best outfit I've ever had.
54:01I think it is, actually.
54:03May I take your hand?
54:04Oh, of course.
54:06That's it.
54:07That's how we walk.
54:08Art, you're the future king.
54:09Start acting like one.
54:10Stop stabbing bushes.
54:13Please mind the pole.
54:14This could have been us, though, 500 years ago.
54:15This could have been us.
54:19I like you like this.
54:21Do you reckon?
54:21Yeah.
54:24I didn't think I was gonna.
54:29That's all I did, was that?
54:30Is that two strings?
54:31Yeah, two strings.
54:32Three strings.
54:33You would have learned that at about five years old.
54:34Yeah, all right.
54:35Clever bollocks.
54:36Let's remember who the king is, eh?
54:42The first dance we're going to learn is called the horse's brawl.
54:45It's from the 1580s.
54:48But before we begin, we are going to reverence each other.
54:50So, gentlemen, can you do off your hats?
54:52And the point of this, Danny, is that you're showing off your calf.
54:56Oh, no, I've got a strong calf, mate.
54:57You show off your muscular calf, yeah?
54:59Yeah.
54:59And, ladies, we are going to plie curtsy like so.
55:03Danny always makes us curtsy at home.
55:06When we give him our dinner, we have to curtsy.
55:08And then we floss.
55:09And then we floss.
55:11Nice low hold.
55:13Ready to begin.
55:15We take four steps around.
55:17It's like ring-a-ring-a-roses.
55:18Almost.
55:18Very similar.
55:20Two, three, and...
55:21You're nailing it. Good job.
55:22Then we're going to gallop.
55:23Oh, no.
55:24Gallop?
55:25Oh, I don't know about that.
55:26Are they little gallops?
55:28As big as you can manage.
55:29Like big gallops.
55:30Get on your horse.
55:32Nice.
55:32And then you do an impression of a horse.
55:35Knee!
55:36Knee!
55:37Knee!
55:37Knee!
55:38Knee!
55:40More of a donkey, but...
55:42What, should we do it to a tune, then?
55:44Do you know this number?
55:49And left.
55:50Yes.
55:50And remember it's fun.
55:51And back.
55:52And gallop.
55:53Gallop.
55:54Three, three, four, five.
55:56I love the fact that I am from nothing.
56:01And when I say nothing, that means no wealth.
56:03You know, because what we have got within our family, and you've met my family, is a lot
56:08of love.
56:09It's just a nice feeling to know that I've got another family.
56:13Aristocrat family.
56:14who are off their royal nuts.
56:18I feel incredibly lucky to be able to trace my ancestors, to be related to such important
56:27people.
56:28People that changed the course of British history in many different ways.
56:31I mean, that's...
56:32That's incredible.
56:38Mental to think.
56:40All these bods.
56:43And that's the result.
56:44Sitting here.
56:48Can I execute them later?
56:50Yes, yeah.
56:50And I feel like I've been cheated a bit.
56:52Really?
56:53Yeah.
56:53It's all your fault.
56:54Well, it's not my fault, is it?
56:55It's my ancestors.
56:56It's my ancestors.
56:58It's not me.
56:59But we...
56:59Now we've got...
57:00It's one of my ancestors, 13 generations ago, that nosed it.
57:04This is something that would happen to you.
57:06I know.
57:06Typical, mate.
57:07You bring your serum going, guess what?
57:08I've nosed it.
57:09It's not even yours.
57:10Look at what you could have won.
57:11You know what I mean?
57:12It's one of them ones.
57:13You could have won.
57:13But this is it.
57:14The lovely house and the lovely grounds, but we didn't.
57:17But now we're going home with the dusty bin.
57:19Oh, that's not fair.
57:23Oh, we've gone too far, haven't we?
57:24Oh, we've gone too far, haven't we?
57:25Oh, we've gone walking all that way, aren't we?
57:27That's all right.
57:27We'll do two more and then you can do two.
57:30Now you go.
57:38I'm in trouble.
57:39Why have I challenged you?
57:44I'm in trouble.