- 4 hours ago
First broadcast 15th October 2004.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Rich Hall
Clive Anderson
Phill Jupitus
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Rich Hall
Clive Anderson
Phill Jupitus
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Well, a very, very, very, very good evening to you, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to QI, the BBC's answer
00:07to Pop Idol, otherwise known as Bone Idol.
00:10To educate, inform and entertain, these are my intentions, and paving the road to hell with them.
00:15Tonight are Rich Hall, Triv Anderson, Bill Jupiter, and Alan Davis.
00:24The four panelists of the apocalypse, may the Lord Wreath have mercy on your souls.
00:29Let's have a round on the buzzers and bells.
00:32Um, Rich, how do you sound?
00:37And Triv goes...
00:39Right, wait a minute.
00:41And Tiddy goes...
00:46And Alan goes...
00:52Excellent.
00:54Right, gentlemen, bombs away.
00:56Okay, Alan, have you heard about the Mexican Kamikaze Squadron?
01:02Kamikaze!
01:03That's right.
01:04Only Mexican.
01:05And, uh...
01:06I care not for myself, only my country.
01:10Very good indeed.
01:11Very good indeed.
01:12For the emperor!
01:15And they, and they...
01:16I'll just imagine a bloke in a big hat, riding a donkey in Tialamo.
01:23They eat so many refried beans, they fart themselves to death.
01:28And they explode in front of the, the enemy.
01:31Well, there's an oddly interesting thought, because Kamikaze is the Japanese for divine wind.
01:35Divine wind?
01:36Yes, that's what it means, oddly enough.
01:37Um, it is a Japanese word.
01:39God's guts.
01:40Yeah.
01:41But these, these, these little Mexican critters, uh...
01:45They're not people.
01:46Oh, exactly, not people.
01:47Were deployed by the US Army in the Second World War against the Japanese.
01:52They're not like the dolphins they deployed in the war against Iraq.
01:56No, they're not.
01:57They let them out.
01:57Well, they call the...
01:58And then they pissed off.
01:59Mark 8 MMS, Marine Mammal System.
02:03What are the odds that the Iraqi Navy will be leaning out from a boat with a flaming hoop like
02:07that?
02:12But a critter will be some sort of a desert fox.
02:16No, um...
02:18Well, they're very close, actually.
02:20It's got to be an insect, hasn't it?
02:22No, it's all between an insect and a fox.
02:25Between an insect and a fox?
02:26You might say, you might say.
02:27In size, or...
02:28Well, it's kind of...
02:29In fact, it is more fox-like than insect-like, but it flies.
02:32It's quite fox-like.
02:33A bat.
02:33A bat is the answer.
02:34Yeah, a Mexican bat.
02:35A Mexican bat.
02:36Oh!
02:37You're not going to like this.
02:38How do you know that's Mexican without a sombrero?
02:40Well, it's actually...
02:42It's the breed of the bat.
02:44It's a Mexican free-term bat.
02:45I actually know the answer is...
02:46Do you?
02:47Give it to us, Phil.
02:47It's the...
02:49The American Navy, in their wisdom, because they saw these bats would fly up under the eaves...
02:54...in a nest, and they thought, well, if they see out at sea,
02:58a Japanese aircraft carrier, or the hangers of the airplanes, they'll nest.
03:02Oh, yeah.
03:03And they filled them with explosives.
03:06Right?
03:06Yeah?
03:07Yeah.
03:08But what would happen is, is where they were sewed up, the bats would go, what's that?
03:12And they'd start nibbling at themselves, and exploding in an untoward fashion.
03:18You're very close, Phil.
03:20It's not actually the Navy, and it's not boats.
03:22It's actually...
03:22It's worse than that.
03:23I'm very close, in that I'm nowhere near at all.
03:25We've got to be close, Phil.
03:27In airplanes, hundreds of these bats, with little waistcoats, they went there with napalm in them,
03:35and a detonator.
03:36And the idea was to drop them over Japanese towns round about dawn, so that as the light
03:40came, as all bats will, to escape the light, they would go into the, as you say, the eaves
03:45and the rafters of the houses, and then, at a particular time, would detonate, causing
03:51these whole towns to burn, because most Japanese towns were made of wood and paper.
03:55You've got to set the napalm off, so they have to follow them up where there's somebody
03:57to switch the switch.
03:58Well, there's a sort of ignition device incorporated.
04:01What do they say for that?
04:01A little book of matches.
04:04The, actually, there is a poetic justice, however, as a friend of our fairy creatures,
04:12you will be pleased to know that poetic justice prevailed, and that before they ever used these
04:17bats against the Japanese, they were testing, and the wind changed, and the bats had been
04:22dropped on a target little wooden city in the desert, were blown back to the headquarters
04:26of the American army and blew it up.
04:29I don't find it poetic.
04:30Do you not find it poetic?
04:32Oh, I'm American.
04:35I understand it.
04:37The kamikaze pilots, they only gave them enough fuel to go one way, right?
04:42Yes.
04:43They do that with all planes, though.
04:45Right.
04:52Technically, all airplanes are kamikaze planes.
04:56Unless you buy a return ticket.
04:59This is why I think that planes should run on double-A batteries.
05:03You want to go to London or New York, all right, you have to buy 200 double-A batteries.
05:07They only bring enough batteries to get you there.
05:10There's no wasted whatsoever.
05:10You can always get them at the airport.
05:12Yeah.
05:12That's true.
05:13And then if you run out over the ocean, somebody's got, like, a Walkman or something, you can get
05:17some more batteries.
05:19But what if, under the plane, the bit of ribbon that you pull the batteries out with hasn't...
05:24Where's that gone?
05:25It's snagged.
05:26And so you have to get the end of a biro and...
05:30You're hanging underneath a 747...
05:3235,000 feet, right?
05:34And I dig out 32 double-A batteries with a biro.
05:37Oh, none of this is as mad as a bat with a napalm waistcoat.
05:42But it's such a step, because for one minute, they're trying to get little bats with little
05:45napalm to blow up.
05:46And then, okay, that didn't work.
05:48An atomic bomb, then.
05:49It'll blow up two cities.
05:51I'm glad you said that, because that brings me to my next question, which I'm going to address
05:55to Rich.
05:55Which comedian went and dropped an atomic bomb on Japan?
06:00That would mean, basically, which comedian bombed in Japan.
06:04That would have been me.
06:05Did you bomb in Japan?
06:07I had bombed so horribly in Japan that I...
06:10In front of an English-speaking audience?
06:12No, Japanese-speaking audience.
06:14I think I put my finger on what went wrong.
06:16That had a lot to do with it.
06:19No, a comedian member of, uh, what you might call a troupe of comedians.
06:23One of the Stooges.
06:25No better known than the Stooges.
06:26Amos Costello.
06:27Why, you knucklehead?
06:29You got that atomic bomb on Japan.
06:31What do you want to do that for?
06:32Why, you're a...
06:36They'd never have won the war if those blokes had had a plane.
06:39Oliver Harsey.
06:40No.
06:40This man didn't drop the bomb.
06:42He contributed materially to the technology behind the dropping of the bomb.
06:45Very specifically behind the dropping of the bomb.
06:47Well, he invented...
06:48Everyone else was working on the nuclear explosion.
06:50And he invented little doors.
06:52Went...
06:53There's a particular clamp.
06:54There's a, you know, a particular type clamp that...
06:56That held the bomb to an oligate, to the aeroplane.
06:59The Bob Hope.
07:00Oh, what do you mean?
07:00The crazy guy.
07:02The best known of them all.
07:03The Marx Brothers.
07:04Zeppo.
07:04Bob Harpo.
07:05Zeppelino.
07:06That one there.
07:07The one with the ring round in it.
07:08What's his name?
07:09Tom.
07:09No.
07:11He's got, reading from left to right, Harpo and Groucho.
07:14And on the right-hand side, there's Chico.
07:16Zeppo.
07:17Zeppo is the right-hand side.
07:18The bomb door designer.
07:20And he joined after Gummo, also known as Uo, left the stage act.
07:25And he was in five of the films, the last one being Duck Soup.
07:28And he left to become an agent and to set up a company that specialised in engineering and design.
07:33Called Blamo.
07:34Of course.
07:35It should have been called Blamo.
07:37And he came up with the clamp that held the bomb, as well as a wristwatch he came up with
07:41that detected your pulse and gave an alarm when you were having a heart attack.
07:46And, I mean, Groucho said he was a lousy actor and couldn't wait to get out of the Marx Brothers.
07:51But he also added, and everyone seems to be in agreement, that he was far and away, off-screen, the
07:55funniest and the wittiest of the Marx Brothers.
07:58Harpo could actually talk in real life.
08:01No.
08:03Oh, now you've shattered all my hands.
08:04I read his autobiography.
08:06No.
08:07He spent the first 15 years of his life nicking stuff.
08:09And he's really proud of it.
08:10They all did.
08:11They were gangsters in New York.
08:12Big woodlums.
08:13The Three Stooges are flying planes and they're the gangs of New York.
08:16Oh, the gangs of New York.
08:17He's got the stove, we're going to kill you if you don't give me that money.
08:22And he did long careers and after dinner speaker later on, Harpo, because he could just stand up and say,
08:26unaccustomed as I am.
08:27Hey!
08:27And everyone followed up.
08:29A lot of the early 20th century gangs in New York were Jewish.
08:31I was in Dutch shorts, people like that.
08:32And I write up to Meyer Lansky and Bugsy Siegel.
08:35I think that a lot of the Scorsese oeuvre would be a lot nicer if people had horns.
08:39You know, didn't it?
08:41I'd have a funny hat.
08:43Hey, Johnny, what's you going to do?
08:48You think I'm funny how?
08:49I'm going to play this f***ing harp over here.
08:54I amuse you.
09:01Now, Phil, what for you, I think?
09:03What goes woof, woof, boom?
09:05Suicide corgi.
09:09The next Norwegian entry for the Eurovision song contest.
09:12My heart goes woof, woof, boom.
09:17Terrierist.
09:21Oh, I couldn't believe it.
09:23Joy upon joy.
09:25Very, very good.
09:26We must have some points for that.
09:28Excellent.
09:29No, you've kind of said, well, we know how grotesque the Americans could be
09:32by sending bats into combat.
09:35Now, the Russian flag, as you see, waving behind you.
09:37The Russians could be just...
09:39Dog with a bomb in it?
09:40Dogs with bombs tied to them is what we're looking for.
09:42Oh, man.
09:44What man is capable of?
09:46Oh!
09:47It's too grotesque.
09:49And does he know?
09:50The story is horrible.
09:51They trained them by making them very, very hungry.
09:54Throw a stick at a tank and he just goes...
09:55Well, no, what's going on?
09:57Go, go, go, go!
09:58Do you know...
10:00Why don't they throw a bomb at the tank, for God's sake?
10:03Instead of making the dog go out.
10:04Because they're armour-plated, and the point is,
10:06they would keep the dogs very, very hungry,
10:08and then put food under a tank, which is the vulnerable part,
10:13which you can't get a bomb at easily.
10:15Why don't you just put a bomb there while you're there putting the food down?
10:17Well, you've got a bomb there.
10:17This is a bit of my work.
10:18No, no, no, no.
10:20No, they're training them.
10:21Oh, they're training them.
10:22Sorry.
10:22So they become used to looking under tanks for food.
10:29Who's job was it to change gear on that dog?
10:33That is the trigger for the bomb.
10:36When he gets under the tank.
10:37This is just...
10:38I bet you all eat sheep, though, don't you, on a Sunday?
10:41No, no.
10:45Don't worry, that one didn't blow up.
10:49He lives on a farm now.
10:51He lives on a farm now.
10:53His back's broken.
10:57I have to tell you that there was, again, poetic justice.
11:00The dogs just turned around in the battle
11:02and saw the tanks, which are Russian-shaped,
11:05which they recognised as having food under them,
11:08and so they went and blew up their own tanks.
11:12So the Russians started to shoot all the dogs.
11:15They didn't shoot that one.
11:16They didn't shoot that one.
11:17He lives on a farm.
11:18They really love him.
11:19They struck him a lot.
11:21Anyway, on to our next picture question.
11:23Why is this picture a double first?
11:26Are they going to use the penguin to blow up the Scotsman?
11:32It's a...
11:34First time the pipes are played in the Antarctica.
11:37Yes, it's probably the first time a penguin
11:39was ever subjected to any kind of music.
11:41Penguin, two seconds later, went like that.
11:52This is the first ever Edinburgh Festival.
11:57Would that it were.
11:58Now, did you...
12:01Would that it were, Steve?
12:03Oh, Robert Robinson.
12:04Now, would that it were.
12:16Did you know that 50% of pipers...
12:21I don't mean newspapers, I mean bagpipes.
12:2550% of pipers suffer from repetitive strain injury
12:29and also our hard of hearing.
12:33Well, that is poetic justice.
12:35That's exactly.
12:37Very good.
12:38Excellent.
12:39Oh, how neat.
12:41No, it's the first postcard ever to be sent from Antarctica.
12:45Obviously, you don't bring a lot of stuff to Antarctica.
12:48This guy had to drag his back.
12:50What if they hit a crevasse with too much weight
12:53and it turned out it was just because he brought him...
12:55You never know, it might have saved his life.
12:57It might have just caught in the crack and he would swing from it.
13:01It did come out ugly.
13:02It did come out ugly, but you know what I mean.
13:05Now, what is the common name of the species Ursus arctos?
13:10Ursus arctos.
13:11What is it? Polar bear, is it?
13:12Polar bear, do you see?
13:13Yes, that's a lot of...
13:14Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
13:16It's not a bear trap.
13:18It was indeed a bear trap.
13:19Yes.
13:20A bear trap.
13:21No, no, no.
13:22The common name is...
13:24Two common names.
13:25If you're American, there's one name.
13:26If you're European, another.
13:26What's Ursus mean?
13:29Ursus is the Latin for bear,
13:30and arctos is the Greek for bear.
13:34Oh, so it's a bear bear.
13:35It's a bear bear, yeah.
13:37What's a hare bear in Latin?
13:41We shall have to find them.
13:42They were great, weren't they, the hare bear bear?
13:45You can join in at some level, I find.
13:49There's all, exactly.
13:51There's always a way in.
13:53There's a grizzly.
13:54There's a grizzly bear, is that a grizzly?
13:55There's a grizzly bear, yes.
13:56Ursus arctos, or the brown bear.
13:58Point is that the Arctic itself, the Arctic and therefore, of course, the Antarctic, is named
14:03after the bear, not the other way around.
14:04It was the region of the bear, where you see Ursa Major, the great bear, the constellation
14:09of the sky is always over the, over the north.
14:11So it's the Arctic's named after the bear.
14:14Yeah.
14:14The Antarctic is named after the ant and the bear.
14:18Why would that be?
14:19The adventures of ant and bear.
14:20They're like ant and deck.
14:22Ant and deck, exactly.
14:23Only easier to tell apart, obviously.
14:26It's easier to tolerate.
14:28Ant is bear.
14:33I love them.
14:34They won't come on the show now, you've said that.
14:36Oh, bother.
14:37Bother, bother, bother.
14:39How am I going to live with myself?
14:43No, they're good, right.
14:44No, they're terrific.
14:45Ant and the sun, but you should do some of them.
14:46They could be walking up down under here as we speak.
14:51They're not, isn't that good?
14:52Ant is always on the left.
14:54Yes.
14:54Oh, is that an open term?
14:55Always on the left.
14:56So reading from left to right, they're an alphabetical order.
14:58Very good.
14:58Ant and deck.
14:59Ant and deck.
15:00Excellent.
15:00And it's weird, even when you go around them and go from behind, it's still...
15:05...somehow at work.
15:06The eye's following you around the room.
15:07It's like the moon going with you up the M1.
15:09That's amazing.
15:10Ant and deck always.
15:11No, the polar bear is actually Ursus Meritimus, as if you cared.
15:15How do polar bears disguise themselves?
15:17Like that.
15:21They stand in front of anything white.
15:23That's probably the right answer, I suspect.
15:25Yeah.
15:25Do they dress up in something?
15:27No, they do.
15:28No, there is apparently a misconception that they cover their nose with their left paw.
15:33Yeah.
15:33In a sort of ostrich burying its head in the sand sort of way, thinking that it disguises themselves.
15:38Like that.
15:38Like our model.
15:39Our demonstrator.
15:40He's showing us now.
15:41Where's Alan?
15:42Where's Alan gone?
15:43Where's he gone?
15:44Where's he gone?
15:45Are you sure they're not just checking whether they've got bad breath?
15:49I don't understand if you're a 12 foot, 800 pound bear, why you have to disguise yourself
15:53at all.
15:55Absolutely.
15:56Well, it's bear tax.
15:57Spot on.
15:58Who is going to bear tax?
16:03No bears here.
16:05Oh, I haven't seen it.
16:09Or, they stand in like that, and they put three bits of coal there and a carrot in their
16:14mouth.
16:17Delicious.
16:18Well, there we are.
16:19This brings us neatly to our general ignorance round, in which we ask Alan, is this a rhetorical
16:24question?
16:29No.
16:31Quite right.
16:36So, fingers on the buzzers.
16:42What's the point of rhetorical questions?
16:45So, fingers on the buzzers.
16:48How many states are there in the United States of America?
16:51Alan?
16:5250.
16:53Oh, dear.
16:55Oh, dear.
16:57Oh, dear.
16:57Oh, dear.
16:57It's 46, technically.
16:59Yeah.
16:59Oh, because four of them are not states.
17:02There they are.
17:03Ah.
17:04That's Kentucky, Virginia, Pennsylvania and Massachusetts.
17:06They're commonwealths.
17:07One's a commonwealth.
17:07They're commonwealths, exactly.
17:08All four of them are actually commonwealths rather than states.
17:10What that constitutionally means, is their governance any different from the other?
17:14Do they have governors and they have the same sort of way of conducting their business?
17:18Yes.
17:18There's so many straight lines.
17:20Isn't God odd?
17:21You know?
17:22There are all the odds against that.
17:23There are all the straight lines apart from one.
17:26There's only one state in the United States that hasn't got a straight line in.
17:28Oh, that's a good question.
17:29I should imagine that would be Hawaii.
17:31It is.
17:31Well, I knew.
17:32Oh, good.
17:32No.
17:33Well, there you are.
17:33No, just a guess.
17:35Anyway.
17:35Gosh, how interesting.
17:36Now, staying with America, in the whole of the Second World War, only six Americans were
17:45killed by enemy action on U.S. soil.
17:48Right.
17:49All of them at a church picnic.
17:51Right?
17:52The cause of death was a Japanese fugo.
17:55My question is, what is a fugo?
17:57He's the seventh Mark's brother.
18:02We were hoping, you might say, it was a poisonous fish.
18:04Because there is a poisonous fish called the fugu.
18:07But it's not that.
18:07No, a fugo is a paper balloon.
18:09There were atomic bombs in one direction.
18:11That's right.
18:11And, okay, let leash the paper balloons then.
18:14He sent thousands of them over the Pacific.
18:18With a bomb hanging off it.
18:19With bombs on them.
18:20Yeah.
18:21But the odds against them landing on a city in the mainland United States are drastically
18:25against, because most of it's kind of wasteland.
18:27It's farmland to the west and desert to the west.
18:29Whoops.
18:30Hello.
18:30Hello.
18:32It's not wasteland.
18:33Well, no.
18:36All right.
18:36Okay, but the chances are that if you send a random balloon into mainland United States,
18:41the chance is more likely it will hit something which is not going to kill people.
18:45Wasteland.
18:45It's a clever weapon though, isn't it?
18:46Presumed because radar wouldn't detect it because only the little bits of metal in the
18:49bomb would be even...
18:50Yes.
18:50But the paper wouldn't show up on radar.
18:52No, absolutely.
18:53It was made of a paper called Washi, which is from a mulberry.
18:56Washi.
18:56Or wahee if you prefer.
18:58Balloon.
18:59Balloon.
19:00Very good.
19:01Fugo.
19:01Balloon.
19:02Yeah.
19:02Yeah.
19:04But they did rather cleverly know about the jet stream, which no one else in the world
19:07knew about, which allowed it to travel hundreds of miles an hour.
19:10But actually they were made by schoolgirls who didn't know what they were making.
19:13They stuck pasted.
19:15BANG!
19:16BANG!
19:16BANG!
19:17BANG!
19:19Birmingham is a wasteland.
19:21BANG!
19:24That's...
19:26Yeah.
19:27That's Alabama, I think.
19:28Yeah.
19:29Birmingham.
19:30Birmingham, Alabama.
19:31Yeah.
19:31Birmingham, Alabama.
19:32Birmingham, Alabama.
19:32That's a wasteland.
19:33They should team up with each other.
19:34They should.
19:35Anyway, those are Fugo bombs, but Fugu, which you've neatly avoided the trap of...
19:39It's blowfish.
19:40Not that pufferfish thing.
19:41It's the big one.
19:42It's a bit in the middle that...
19:43Oh!
19:43Yeah.
19:45Do not six people a year die in Japan?
19:48It's probably...
19:49Actually a bit more than that.
19:50Between 30 and 100 suffer from the poisoning, and half of those die.
19:53So it's sort of anything between 15 and 50.
19:55800 Americans die in a McDonald's every year.
20:00Wow.
20:00Which one?
20:03I guess to avoid that one.
20:05He certainly will.
20:06The blowfish McMuffin.
20:10You're right.
20:10You're right.
20:10This is a fish which has inner parts, organs which are deadly poisonous.
20:15They just love the daring of it.
20:17Well, that's what I thought, Alan.
20:18But actually it turns out that in fact there are traces of the poison always left.
20:22And if they're small enough...
20:23It'll get you high.
20:23You're quite right.
20:26It's tetrodotoxin which is very, very poisonous.
20:28And you have to be especially trained in the art of filleting this particular fish.
20:32And in all the restaurants in Japan where you can eat it have little lanterns hanging outside made of the
20:36skin of this fish with a little symbol to show that it's a trained...
20:39Part of the training is you have to eat the fish that you've just...
20:43Have you had the food?
20:44No, I've never been to Japan.
20:45You're so tall you'd be like Godzilla.
20:47They'd be...
20:49Pick a fly, pick a fly!
20:54You'd be, you'd be rampaging through downtown Tokyo.
20:57Baaaaaah!
21:01Go in New Zealand!
21:06It's always a 50-50 ball, isn't it?
21:09Whether it's an R or an L, and they always get it wrong.
21:11I refuse to generalise about a race of people.
21:14Oh, right, they can get him fennel.
21:17I had Mike Myers do an American name, Rory Templeton,
21:19and he called him Rory Templeton.
21:24If you want a Japanese to virtually commit suicide,
21:26just ask them to say orange-tip fritillary.
21:30Oh, I will, I'll do it!
21:32It's too bad!
21:34Well, you, Mr. Fry, the interview is over.
21:39You're Bill Brant now!
21:44So much for the Geneva Convention.
21:50Oh, yes, so they're all absolutely correct, yes,
21:53whatever the question was.
21:56Fugus, that's right.
21:58Yeah, yeah, fugu's.
21:59Fugu's and fugu's.
22:00Right, so when are penguins found near the magnetic North Pole?
22:05Well, yeah.
22:07When they're wearing the suit of armour.
22:12They're going to be soon,
22:14because the magnetic North and South is going to switch any minute now.
22:18Oh, give them five points.
22:20Absolutely spot on.
22:24The trap was to say, well, of course, penguins only live near the South Pole,
22:27so they'll never be near the North Pole,
22:28but the fact is, the North and the South flip in magnetic poles.
22:30I think penguins might be my favourite animal.
22:33They are wonderful, aren't they?
22:34I like the one on the bottom left.
22:39It looks like security.
22:41You don't.
22:43Yes, the actual reason to the question,
22:44though penguins are in so many ways, I suppose, more interesting,
22:47was that the North Pole becomes the South Pole
22:49and vice versa every million or so years.
22:52Really?
22:52Yeah.
22:53So any minute now,
22:54everyone's fridge magnets are just going to fall down.
22:58That's not how people start believing in bloody God again.
23:00No, that's not how fridge magnets work.
23:02What will happen is compasses will point to the South rather than the North.
23:06That would be great for orienteering, wouldn't they?
23:08I think people will get used to it quite quickly, though.
23:10No, it won't.
23:11I think they will.
23:12North, not South.
23:13I don't live in South London.
23:15I don't care what you say.
23:18I'm leaving there.
23:19Oh, dear.
23:21Do we know why it happens?
23:23What's going on?
23:25No, I think we do.
23:25It's a very mysterious process.
23:27But if the Earth were not magnetic,
23:29there would be no life on it,
23:31at least certainly no life like us.
23:33Oh, a lot.
23:34Yeah, the magnetism deflects the solar rays.
23:38I want you to imagine that the penguin
23:40is a malicious and dangerous conqueror of peoples.
23:44And now look at that picture.
23:47I think they don't have many predators,
23:49obviously in the Antarctic they don't.
23:52Polar bears eat them.
23:52They don't live in the same continent.
23:54Don't they?
23:55No.
23:55They never met.
23:56Polar bears in the North.
23:56Polar bear lives in the North and the penguins in the South.
23:58They've never seen one another.
24:00No, except in zoos.
24:01In my mind, it's like lions and tigers.
24:04In my head, they're all hanging out together.
24:06The lions and tigers don't either.
24:08Yes, exactly.
24:09Lions Africa, tigers, Asia.
24:10Imagine if it was like that with men and women.
24:14Here's a thought, right?
24:15Do you think it would be better
24:17if it was harder to conceive
24:19but easier to give birth?
24:23If I was a woman, I would certainly think that.
24:26I should imagine.
24:26I mean, who cooked that up?
24:28It's pretty mean, isn't it?
24:29It's all backwards, isn't it?
24:30Yeah.
24:31You're right.
24:32My dear, you wouldn't want gasping agony for 36 hours to conceive.
24:36Excuse me what it sounds like.
24:40Let's move on then.
24:41What is wrong with this picture?
24:50It should be the other way up.
24:51Yeah, absolutely right.
24:52I have some points.
24:53Quite right.
24:53It's upside down, according to our usual convention
24:57of putting north at the top and south at the bottom.
24:59It's also right.
24:59So in 200,000 years' time,
25:00this is going to be completely wrong, isn't it?
25:02Yes, it might well be.
25:03But at the moment, that's its north pole at the top
25:05and that's its south pole at the top.
25:06What I meant was it should be vertical.
25:10I'm very honest.
25:11You are, Davies.
25:13You can take those points off yourself.
25:16And lastly, on poles,
25:18how are Boy Scouts connected to poles?
25:26Don't look at me like that.
25:28It's part of the uniform.
25:30They used to have a hat and a pole and a neckerchief
25:32and a special pole which was used for erecting their tents,
25:35for example.
25:36It's not to do with Poland.
25:37It is to do with Poland.
25:39Name things in a particular about Boy Scouts.
25:42Dip, dip, dip, dub, dub, dub.
25:43Well, that's one.
25:43That's Polish.
25:44The salute.
25:45The salute.
25:46Well, you've got there.
25:47It's very, very close to the Polish salute.
25:49Let's have a look at a Polish salute
25:50and a Boy Scout salute together, shall we?
25:52There you are, on your screens now.
25:54Which one's the Poe?
25:56Oh, let me think.
25:59Oh, what a weedy, nerdy scout.
26:01It's the milky bar kid, I think, doesn't it?
26:03We need hard scouts.
26:06I love the Boy Scout.
26:07We went to Nam.
26:14It's actually said to be an American invention,
26:16the Boy Scout movement.
26:17It's more than really a British,
26:18although it's said to be Baden-Powell by many.
26:20There was a man called Seaton
26:21who founded a movement called the Woodcraft Indians.
26:23Did you go in a helicopter gunship?
26:27In a little waistcoat with the palms strapped up
26:30with the doors playing really loudly.
26:33Now, boys,
26:34if you see anybody wearing black pyjamas,
26:37you run towards them
26:39and you press that button there.
26:42Dim, dim, dim.
26:46You got your woodcraft,
26:48you got your killing gooks.
26:52You got your napalm waistcoat too.
26:56Well, there you are, yes.
26:57And Poles are the only army, I think,
26:59where they have that salute with two fingers,
27:03supposedly after some Polish war hero
27:05who had three fingers blown off.
27:07Do I look Polish?
27:07You look very Polish, yeah.
27:10Oh, do a Polish polar bear.
27:14Fantastic, thank you.
27:16All that bombshell,
27:18that's it for another week,
27:19I'm sorry to say.
27:20And the final scores are poles apart.
27:22Phil scored a piping hot four.
27:24Rich barely scraped in ahead of Clive
27:26with two and one respectively,
27:28but Alan Bond with minus four.
27:39Two fingers to Alan and to you all.
27:42It's Dovid Zen here.
27:44Good night.
27:45APPLAUSE
27:45APPLAUSE
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