- 2 days ago
First broadcast 2nd October 2003.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jeremy Hardy
Jo Brand
Howard Goodall
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jeremy Hardy
Jo Brand
Howard Goodall
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello, hello and welcome to QI, the quiz that rhymes with Stephen Fry.
00:06Now let's meet the members of our happy band, Al Davis, Harry Goodall, James Hardy and Joe Brown.
00:19Now the rules are simple, I'm a pimple. No, that's enough rhyming.
00:23The rules are a cinch, in fact, the questions are not.
00:27As almost no one ever gets one right, I award points for being interesting and penalties for being pathetically obvious.
00:34Each member of the panel is provided with an attention-seeking device.
00:38Jeremy goes.
00:42Howard goes.
00:46Joe goes.
00:51Alan goes.
00:53Cashier number four, please.
00:57Right, I'm going straight on to the first question, which is, in fact, very easy.
01:05So, fingers on those mushroomoid buzzers, please.
01:08What is the main ingredient of air?
01:12Cashier number four, please.
01:15Oxygen.
01:16Oh, Alan, so early on.
01:19No, no, no, no, no, not true, I'm afraid.
01:24I'm afraid you'll get a bit of a perfect, yes.
01:27Is it nitrogen?
01:28Nitrogen is the right answer.
01:30Well done.
01:31I'm sure it's right.
01:34I have to warn you that if you had said carbon dioxide, you would have lost 3,000 points, because there is so little carbon dioxide in the air.
01:42Because the trees eat it all.
01:44Sort of.
01:45Yes, that's right.
01:46The trees do, they get rid of carbon dioxide.
01:49But if you're in a lift with someone, and after a while...
01:52Methane.
01:52There will be...
01:53I was just second-guessing you there.
01:56But after a while, there won't be enough air in the lift, and that will be carbon dioxide, the cause of death, would be.
02:05Always take a tree into a lift with you.
02:07Yes.
02:09And then you can hide as well.
02:10Move around the lift unseen.
02:12Entertain yourself.
02:13It should be a fruit tree, so there'll be some food, as well as something to get rid of the carbon dioxide.
02:18And you can make a shelter to shield you from the burning light, and possibly a canoe to escape.
02:24In the event of flooding.
02:26No, this is absolutely right.
02:28Nitrogen is 78% of air.
02:30Less than 21% of air is oxygen, and only three hundredths of 1% of the air is carbon dioxide.
02:36But nitrogen is lethal.
02:38If you breathe in nitrogen only, you would die.
02:42Yes, because you do need oxygen, don't you?
02:44Yes.
02:44Yes.
02:44I've been scuba diving, and if you get nitrogen narcosis, it means you get bubbles of nitrogen in your veins.
02:51That's called the bends.
02:52And people think the bends is because you go a bit, like that.
02:55But actually, you get stuck in odd positions, because your body can't move properly, because it's full of nitrogen.
03:01No, that's when the wind changes.
03:05When the wind changes when you're swinging on your chair and running with scissors at the same time.
03:09Well, we're going to move from air.
03:13We're going to move from air to areas.
03:15What is the most boring place in Britain?
03:18Joe.
03:18Is it, um, the Big Brother house?
03:25There you go.
03:29I'm actually, I have to confess, I'm feeling rather good about Big Brother.
03:32Not that I've seen any of it, but, uh, my, um, my agent got a call yesterday.
03:37I don't know what this means.
03:38Um, and they wondered if I, uh, one of the, one of the, what do they call, what do they call, what do they call, Mr. Fry's agent?
03:52Now, what do they call the Big Brother?
03:53Inmates.
03:54Housemates.
03:55Housemates.
03:55Housemates.
03:57One of the housemates, apparently they're allowed to have a book, which may be a new thing.
04:01They are allowed to have a book.
04:02No, no, no, they're not.
04:03And one of the housemates has asked.
04:03They can't read, they're not.
04:06One of the housemates has asked for one of my books.
04:09Isn't that exciting?
04:10I feel touched by celebrities.
04:12The coffee table's a bit wonky.
04:15The, I remember from watching the first series, the one thing I really look forward to was, was day eight, because dear Eart was such a wonderful town, isn't it?
04:22Bless you.
04:23Newcastle, I believe.
04:25Um, Newcastle is far from being the most boring place.
04:30Certainly is not the most boring place in Britain.
04:31And thank you for dragging us back to the question.
04:33Is this going to be something like there's been an actual survey of amenities, facilities?
04:38Survey is a very good word to stick to, actually, because I'm talking technically the most boring place.
04:44You mean flattest?
04:45Not exactly flattest.
04:46Argos.
04:48No.
04:49Most Greek islands are very pleasant.
04:51What's wrong with Argos?
04:53Next.
04:53Oh.
04:54Next is a very good catalogue, because it gives you a chance to see what the clothes would look like if attractive people wore them.
05:00Very good.
05:01Now, yes, Howard, I believe you were trying to pass.
05:03Is this, um, just moving up here on Alan's idea, but is this the place on the ordnance survey, where there are no signs of any kind?
05:09Ten points.
05:10No church, no nothing?
05:11Ten points.
05:11Absolutely right.
05:12Correct.
05:13Salisbury Plain.
05:14No, it's not Salisbury Plain.
05:15I have a sort of slight mind to take five points away from you, suggesting that Salisbury Plain is the, it has probably the most important ordnance survey reference in all of the United Kingdom, Stonehenge, for God's sake.
05:31Which is quite an interesting place.
05:34It certainly is.
05:35But, my uncle.
05:37Oh, yes.
05:38Stood on a landmine on Salisbury Plain.
05:41During manoeuvres.
05:41During the national service.
05:43Yes, because the army used a lot for, for...
05:45It really, really, really hurt, but, uh, he didn't lose a foot.
05:51I'm sure if the manufacturers had known it was going to really, really hurt, they would have, they would have come up with a safety version.
05:55It was much, much worse than, for example, stepping on a drawing pin, which really, really, really hurt much worse than that.
06:02Paper cut's the worst thing, isn't it?
06:04Lemon on the paper cut.
06:05Paper cut, because people say, oh, it's nothing worse than a paper cut.
06:08Not a sword, not a chainsaw, nothing worse than a summer cold.
06:15Syphilis, grenade up the bum.
06:16That's that point.
06:21East Anglia.
06:22No, thank you very much.
06:23Almost a featureless environment.
06:25No, I am, as an East Anglia, and I, I, I refute that with every fibre of my being.
06:29The actual answer is a feel...
06:30No, you can't refute.
06:31That's a bad grammar, that's to him.
06:33To refute, you have to provide evidence.
06:35You mean it's a but.
06:35No, I mean repudiate.
06:37Fair enough.
06:39Very good point.
06:40Very good point.
06:42If you weren't, if you weren't showing off, you could have said reject.
06:45Yes, indeed.
06:46You're absolutely right, though it's not bad grammar, is it?
06:48It's just bad semantics.
06:49Yeah, whatever.
06:49Yeah, yeah.
06:50But, yeah.
06:52No, I stand, I stand hideously corrected and shamed.
06:55A field outside Ousefleet near Scunthorpe in Lincolnshire.
07:00There's absolutely nothing in it, but from part an electricity pylon and some overhead cabling.
07:06On the one in 50,000 scale ordnance survey map, it's the blankest square kilometre in the country.
07:13Is it not in East Anglia?
07:14Well, all right, it's north.
07:16I think it is the north, Lincolnshire.
07:19There's a terrifyingly large moorhen up in the top.
07:22Charles Dickens, on the other hand, would not agree.
07:30He'd have voted for Chelmsford.
07:31He stayed there once and described it as the dullest and most stupid spot on the face of the earth.
07:38And Charles Dickens should know because he actually invented the word boredom.
07:43Did you know that?
07:43No.
07:44It's very interesting, Bleak House in 1852, a little quite interesting ripple just ran round the audience, though.
07:51From one author to another, what did Barbara Cartland do in 1983, which involved a sofa and a hot water bottle?
07:58Do you know she was buried in a cardboard coffin underneath an oak tree in the grounds of her house?
08:05I didn't.
08:06And I'll give you five points for being quite interesting.
08:07And I'm even finished.
08:08Oh, you're going to get more interesting.
08:09The oak tree was planted by Elizabeth I, and the mourners at her funeral took away, were given a leaf of the oak tree as a remembrance.
08:17Gosh, that's very good.
08:19Your five-point stands, I'm not going to increase it, but that is very good.
08:22A cardboard, so it would perish.
08:24It melts into the, I presume, to melt into the earth.
08:27By a degraded.
08:27It's odd.
08:27It's because they weren't entirely sure she was dead, because for a life, in the last 50 or 60 years, it was a bone of contention.
08:34Yeah.
08:36It wasn't 1983.
08:37Something like that, she broke a record in one year for writing the largest number of books ever.
08:43That had ever been written by anybody in a single year.
08:45Something like, you know, 30-something, 38, 39, 40, 28, 35, 32.
08:51Before you give me every number in the known universe, she actually wrote 23.
08:5423, I mean.
08:5523 novels, which got her into the Guinness Book of Records she wrote in one year, using only, only from the hours of one to half past one.
09:02In 78 years, she produced over 600 books.
09:08Has anyone in the audience ever read one?
09:11Is that interesting?
09:12Does anyone know anyone who's ever read one?
09:14Has anyone ever seen one?
09:15Now, you see, you're probably, in hospitals, is a place where you do see them, isn't it?
09:20Psychiatric hospitals.
09:21Psychiatric hospitals.
09:22She did say, after she'd written all this, she said, I'll keep going till my face falls off.
09:28A face, incidentally, that reminded Clive James of two crows that had crash-landed into the white cliffs of Dover.
09:35Now, what's 15 miles away from everybody and smells of geraniums?
09:47Yes.
09:48It would be an out-of-town warehouse shop called World of Geraniums.
09:53No, is the answer to that, because wherever you are.
09:5615 miles from everyone, it must be straight up.
10:01Good.
10:01Or down.
10:02I like your thinking.
10:03Or towards the Earth's core itself.
10:05Yeah.
10:05Is it like you're never more than 15 miles from a geranium, like eight feet from a rat?
10:10It's not quite like that.
10:12You're never more than 15 miles from the smell of a geranium.
10:14It's a very odd thing.
10:16Oh, wait a minute.
10:16Space smells like a geranium?
10:18Mustard gas smells like geraniums.
10:20Mustard gas, hence the name, smells faintly of mustard, I think.
10:24No, it's a very famous gas, which is most famous for forming a layer in our atmosphere.
10:31Ozone layer.
10:32It is indeed ozone.
10:33I don't give you any points, because that was too easy.
10:34Ozone is, well, having said it was a famous layer, come on, as a gas.
10:39There we are.
10:39Look, there's the ionosphere.
10:41There's the mesosphere, the stratosphere.
10:42There's the ozone layer, just wedged in between the stratosphere and the mesosphere.
10:46It smells of geraniums.
10:4715 miles away.
10:47And it does smell, faintly, of geraniums.
10:50Now, I put it to you, that were you to go into the ozone layer and sniff, you would die.
10:57You would not have enough time to say, it just smells a bit like...
11:01Someone would go, what's it smell like?
11:06Well, now, ozone is a poisonous form of oxygen, but without it, the sun's ultraviolet rays would kill all land animals and plants.
11:14Ozone is blue and smells, faintly, of geraniums.
11:18One of my favourite layers of the atmosphere is called the heavyside layer.
11:22Heavyside layer.
11:23Is it a bit on the heavyside?
11:24Well, no, oddly enough, it isn't.
11:25It's named after someone called Heavyside, who is a rather marvellous, self-taught physicist.
11:29But it sort of sounds so like it should be.
11:31Self-taught sounds like he writes it on the blackboard and then runs around and sits at the top of it.
11:34What resembles a half-melted rubber bulldog?
11:43This was a description by the film critic John Simon of a very great film actor.
11:46Is it Walter Mattow?
11:46It is Walter Mattow.
11:48Five points.
11:48Well done.
11:49Very good.
11:50Very good.
11:52What are atoms mostly made of?
11:56Well, they're made...
11:57They are not most...
11:59They are just made of the thing that they are.
12:01In that they are not combined with other atoms.
12:07They are alone.
12:09Yeah.
12:10Therefore, they are just an atom.
12:15It's not exactly a trick question, but they're mostly made of nothing by a very, very long way.
12:19Even the atom of stone or diamond is more nothing than it is anything solid.
12:22It's like a tiny, really small little piece of nothing.
12:26Does it have protons and electrons or is it a molecule?
12:29You're right, no, protons and neutrons in the middle there, which is the nucleus, and then the electron which whizzes around the outside.
12:34I remember that from physics.
12:35That atom, in fact, is much, much emptier, relatively speaking, than the whole solar system.
12:42Ernest Rutherford, the first man to describe the inside of an atom, likened it to a few flies in a cathedral.
12:49That's what those little particles are inside the atom.
12:51The simplest element of the universe is hydrogen.
12:53It has a nucleus of just one proton, around which orbits a single electron.
12:57Now, if the proton were the size of a drawing pin, the electron would be the size of a pin head, and it would be one kilometre away.
13:06Yeah, but if I were to put a pineapple on my head, I'd look like Carmen Miranda, but I don't.
13:11I don't think you've quite entered into the screen.
13:16Well, they're really hard to divide up into more than one part.
13:21Yes, because the word means that.
13:23It means no cut.
13:25Can't split.
13:25Tom, yes.
13:27I think it's tomeo is the Greek word, I cut, as in appendectomy, to cut the appendix and so on.
13:33And the rather wonderful English word, tmesis, which, as far as I know, is the English word that begins with the letters T-M, T-M-E-S-I-S, which is rather wonderful.
13:40Which is that when you cut a word in half by putting another word inside, like saying, absobloominlutli, or sen f***in-sational, or whatever.
13:48It's called tmesis.
13:50Or scantorpe.
13:50Or scantorpe, thank you very much.
13:59Now, what's the difference between a hydrogen atom and a grand piano?
14:02Yes.
14:03Jeremy got there first.
14:05Well, size.
14:07Yes.
14:08Yes, you're right.
14:10It's a foolish question.
14:11Possibly, Iraq did have the capability of splitting a grand piano.
14:19Very, very good.
14:20Very good indeed.
14:22Five points.
14:23That's very good.
14:24Yes, but Howard, the musician.
14:26Hydrogen was identified by an eccentric man called Cavendish,
14:31who was a reclusive nutter, basically, who did lots of very good scientific things in a room.
14:37Brother of the Duke of Devonshire, I believe.
14:38Was he?
14:38Yes.
14:39Well, he was certainly a toff, and he had a lot of money, so he spent his whole life living in this house doing experiments.
14:43And he lived in Great Marlborough Street in Soho.
14:48And if you walk from Great Marlborough Street to German Street, it takes you about three minutes.
14:52And he identified hydrogen in about 1770, something like that.
14:59In 1770, the world's first grand piano was made by a man called Americus Bacchus,
15:06who had his studio in German Street at exactly the same time.
15:12So my connection is they probably met at the same coffee shop.
15:14That's brilliant.
15:14You've got to have five points for that.
15:16That's superb.
15:16Superb.
15:17I love it.
15:18How odd to have an English aristocrat who's also peculiar.
15:25There you are.
15:28I tell you what it is.
15:29I expect how it'll get it if I tell you that there are 89 frequencies to a hydrogen atom.
15:35Well, there are 88 keys.
15:37Therefore, 88 frequencies, obviously, discount harmonics.
15:40Although not on an imperial grand.
15:41There are more than 88 keys on an imperial grand.
15:43Oh, fair.
15:44That's good.
15:44That's all I didn't say.
15:45Unfortunately, it looks like an imperial grand,
15:48in which case it has four extra notes.
15:49Well, in fact, it still is beaten by the hydrogen atom,
15:53because late breaking news in my ear is, in fact,
15:54that there are actually over 100 frequencies to a hydrogen atom.
15:58So that was a bit of a knotty run, so we'll have a nice, easy one.
16:01How many wives did Henry VIII have?
16:04Action number four, please.
16:09Six.
16:13The six wives of Henry VIII.
16:15Just because other people have made the mistake, it's no excuse for you to make it, too.
16:19He had six fives.
16:24He had major, major commitment problems, didn't he?
16:27I imagine every time he said, oh, it's not you, it's me.
16:32I suppose they had a trial separation, which involved a brief trial and a very major separation.
16:36Yes.
16:37Old head from shoulders.
16:38Exactly right.
16:39It must have been very difficult for the new woman in his life each time,
16:42because she'd say, oh, I don't know, Henry.
16:43Everywhere I look, I just see her face, because it's on a pole.
16:48Absolutely no.
16:49Yes.
16:49Can I just say something interesting about Henry VIII?
16:52When he died and his body was moved from Greenwich up to, um, wherever it went, Selfridges or somewhere.
17:00Maybe Westminster Abbey, we'll check on that.
17:01Maybe Westminster Abbey, possibly Kentucky Fried Chicken, I don't know.
17:06But, um, his, his guts were so rotten and it was such a hot day that his stomach exploded.
17:12Oh, what a nice.
17:13Isn't that a nice image?
17:14Yes, he was syphilitic and he was huge and he was, he was a mess of a man by that time.
17:18He sounds bloody gorgeous.
17:21As a young man, he was, as a young man, he was considered one of the most attractive men in all relations with Europe.
17:25He was, he was much admired.
17:26I prefer syphilitic and bloated myself.
17:28Yes, he did get a bit bloated.
17:29I can't understand people who do.
17:32No, yes, it's an interesting fact.
17:34The real answer is three or four.
17:37Henry's fourth marriage to Anne of Cleves was annulled on two grounds.
17:40It was never consummated and she was already betrothed to Francis, Duke of Lorraine.
17:45This was correct in law at the time and all parties agreed that no legal marriage had ever taken place.
17:51That leaves five wives.
17:52The Pope declared Henry's second marriage to Anne Boleyn void because Henry was still married to his first wife, Catherine of Aragon.
18:00And the King himself, as head of the New Church of England, declared that his first marriage was invalid on the correct legal ground,
18:06that a man could not marry his brother's wife and Catherine of Aragon had been married to his brother, Arthur.
18:11Did he or did he not have six weddings?
18:13Yes, he did, but that wasn't the question I asked.
18:16Did he say, this is my wife, six different people?
18:21Six different mothers-in-law all said of him, he is my bloated syphilitic son-in-law.
18:27But by his second marriage, he said he'd never been married because he'd never had a wife because his first wife he could not be married to.
18:32What about all the family saying?
18:33Yes, you did, we were there.
18:34He heard the speeches, they'd wake up in the morning dead, wouldn't they?
18:38But there was no legal spousal status.
18:41That's the point we're trying to make, but of course...
18:43How many toast racks did he have?
18:45That's the way, count the toast racks, if you'll find out.
18:48Now, can I ask a question about that painting?
18:50Yes.
18:51Is it all wrong in perspective?
18:53It looks 2D to me.
18:55All Holbein's pictures are a bit flat.
18:57They are.
18:57If you want a Martin Lutheran, it's very flat.
18:59Yes.
18:59It's like a pancake or a plate.
19:00He could certainly do perspective tricks because he did a marvellous one, which you have to see from below.
19:04Oh, didn't you?
19:05We may find a picture.
19:06Oh, yeah, that's what he said after he polluxed it up.
19:11He had to see it from below.
19:14Holbein's really...
19:15It was sort of elongated skulls and things, and then when you move underneath it, the foreshortening effect of actually being under the painting, it suddenly becomes exactly the right proportion.
19:22Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
19:26Good Lord, you are extraordinary.
19:28Why have you done these things?
19:29It took four years, which is the same length of time it takes to paint the fourth bridge in Scotland.
19:36Well, there you are.
19:37You're struggling towards being interesting.
19:38Well, I may have to give you two points.
19:42Does anyone remember there's a wonderful line in that film, The Agony and the Ecstasy, which is about Charlton Heston plays Michelangelo and Rex Harrison plays...
19:49Charlton Heston plays Michelangelo?
19:50Yes.
19:50Yes, you know.
19:51He's been Italian homosexual.
19:52Yeah, that's the one.
19:53He was the president of the gun club.
19:54He was an athletic.
19:55He was an athletic Italian homosexual.
19:57I thought he was a wussy one.
19:59He may well have preferred man-on-man action.
20:02That doesn't mean he was Juliet Flery.
20:05I don't mean...
20:05He could have been booked like he could.
20:08When I say wussy one, I don't mean he was gay.
20:12I mean he was a bit of a...
20:13No.
20:13I thought Da Vinci...
20:14You've got the other way round.
20:16I thought Da Vinci was the hard case.
20:18No, no, Michelangelo was an animal.
20:20He was physical...
20:20Michelangelo was.
20:21He never washed.
20:22Very strong.
20:23He stank.
20:23He's right.
20:23Beard and...
20:25Alan Yenthoff said this.
20:26But he preferred to take it up the Gary Glitter.
20:28Now, depending on whether you believe the Pope
20:33or indeed the King
20:34or both of them together,
20:36Henry VIII therefore had either four wives or three.
20:39Now, what English word rhymes with silver?
20:43Is this one of the ones like orange
20:45where there is no rhyme for it?
20:46Oh.
20:49You kind of said that, didn't you?
20:51No.
20:51A lot of people think like orange
20:52that there is no rhyme for silver.
20:55There is.
20:55Bilva.
20:56No.
20:57Chilva.
20:57Yes, Chilva.
20:59Well done.
20:59I don't know.
21:00Well done for working through sound.
21:02Chilva.
21:03Chilva.
21:03Chilva is a, is a, is a, is a U-lam.
21:07A me-lam?
21:07It's a lady-lam.
21:10So, speak on.
21:11A U-lam.
21:11A U-lam.
21:12A U-lam.
21:13A U-lam.
21:14A U-U-lam.
21:14Where do all the diamonds come from in the world?
21:19South Africa.
21:20Oh, no, he's done it in here.
21:22Oh, bless you, Mark.
21:24Oh, no, no.
21:27No, all the diamonds in the world come from volcanoes.
21:29Diamonds.
21:30All diamonds are formed under in Northern Ireland.
21:32Mince, heat and pressure, hundreds of kilometers beneath the earth and are brought to the service
21:36in volcanic eruptions.
21:37Twenty countries in the world produce diamonds.
21:39Japan.
21:39Just now, South Africa is only the fifth largest producer after Australia.
21:44No.
21:45Democratic Republic of the Congo, Botswana and Russia.
21:48Russia.
21:49That's it.
21:50You did.
21:51Well done, you.
21:52Now, here's a quite interesting thing.
21:53Diamonds are made of pure carbon and so is graphite, the stuff that pencils are made
21:58from the lead of a pencil.
22:00But with the carbon atoms arranged slightly differently, so slightly differently that diamond
22:04is the hardest known substance on earth with a score of 10 on the Moh hardness scale.
22:09But graphite is one of the softest.
22:11Moh hardness, as in Moh better blues.
22:13No, as in Moh, the name of the fellow who gave us this hardness scale.
22:16Diamond score 10 and graphite scores very, very low, 1.2 or something like that.
22:21What about Audley Harrison?
22:23He is well on.
22:26Now, what's invisible and travels at 38 miles an hour?
22:30Oh.
22:31Password number four, please.
22:34I think it, is it the air that we expel from our nasal passages?
22:40It isn't that, I'm sorry to say.
22:4238 miles an hour and it's invisible?
22:43Yes.
22:44It's got to be a ghost on a moped, or a stealth Skoda, or a virgin train.
22:52There you go.
22:53No.
22:54Is it, alright, okay.
22:55Is it a wind, like, you know, the Sirocco or the Mistral or something like that?
22:59One of those winds.
23:00Not one of those.
23:01This is something that often travels a great deal faster, but it has been recorded as travelling
23:05at 38 miles an hour.
23:06You could overtake it freewheeling on a bicycle.
23:09A fart.
23:10It usually goes much, much faster.
23:13I mean, really fast.
23:14How fast is a fart, though?
23:15No, no, please.
23:16That's not very hard.
23:17Sneeze?
23:18No.
23:19No, because they've measured how fast you sneeze is.
23:22Well, they've measured maximum speeds.
23:24No one's ever measured how fast we expel.
23:26Well, they're so varied, aren't they, as we know.
23:28Do you wonder why?
23:29Yeah.
23:30You're working in laboratory conditions all day.
23:32Spons and burners around.
23:33Exactly.
23:34You could fart and someone could be on the other side of the lab with a stopwatch.
23:39Right.
23:40And they could go, yes, it's here.
23:45Very good.
23:46Can I drag this above the level?
23:4838 miles an hour, I estimate.
23:49Can I drag this above the level and they think this is all over or whatever it is?
23:53Is it a tiny wave?
23:54A tsunami?
23:55No, it's something that goes even faster.
23:56What's the fastest thing you can think of?
23:57Light.
23:58Light is the right answer.
23:59Is it?
24:00Absolutely right.
24:01Light.
24:02Light usually, as you probably know.
24:04186,000 miles a second.
24:05Very good.
24:06I'll give you a few points for that.
24:07That's quite great.
24:08Oh, wait a minute.
24:09Someone slowed it down, didn't they?
24:10Yeah.
24:11Do you remember how?
24:12No, where was it?
24:13So they could get into bed before the light went out.
24:14They put it down.
24:15That's the only reason there is position.
24:25Top work.
24:28No, you're quite right.
24:29They put a laser light through, I don't know, ice, glass, something like that.
24:33Frosty.
24:34Even closer.
24:35Much colder than that.
24:36Much, much colder.
24:37Fridge.
24:38No, really not.
24:39It's even colder than that.
24:40Frozen.
24:41So cold.
24:42Vodka.
24:43So much colder than that.
24:44Blackpole.
24:46You all did well.
24:47Now, astoundingly, light is, first, invisible.
24:50You can't see it, only what bumps into it or it bumps into.
24:53If you could see it, you wouldn't be able to see anything else.
24:56It's often said that the speed of light is constant, but it isn't.
24:59Only in a vacuum when it is 186,000 miles a second.
25:04In any other medium, the speed of light varies considerably.
25:07As a matter of fact, through diamonds, for example, it goes less than half as fast, 80,000 miles per second.
25:12Is that because it's going, whoo.
25:14Yeah.
25:15Exactly.
25:16This is the hardest thing.
25:17But the slowest it is, the slowest it's ever been recorded at is through sodium at minus 270 degrees, where it travels at 38 miles per hour.
25:27Now, fingers on buzzers, please, for a chance of an enormous last-minute bonus for that final question, which is on animals.
25:34Complete the phrase, a chameleon changes colour to match its...
25:38Cashier number four, please.
25:40Environment.
25:41Oh, that counts as background.
25:43I'm afraid that's got to be considered hugely wrong.
25:47Hugely wrong.
25:48I'm afraid you've fallen for it again.
25:50No, it doesn't.
25:51It doesn't.
25:52It doesn't.
25:53It never has.
25:54It never will.
25:55Temperature.
25:56But it suits its...
25:57Yes, we'll give you a couple for temperature, yes.
25:58Car.
26:00It's background or environment, in a way, doesn't it?
26:02To match anything else around it.
26:04It doesn't change colour to match anything.
26:05It changes colour according to mood, according to mood or temperature or emotion, fear, for example.
26:10And so on like that.
26:11But they change into the colour of the branch that they're hanging on, don't they?
26:14No, they don't.
26:15That is the fallacy.
26:16Do they know that?
26:17Has anyone told them?
26:19Shouldn't they be told?
26:20Well, they usually...
26:21I don't know what you're doing that for.
26:22We can see you.
26:24I happen to be in slightly dodgy mood.
26:27That's all this is about.
26:29Not trying to look like this leaf.
26:31It used to be thought of chameleons.
26:33In fact, if you were to say, a hundred years ago, you'd ask someone what is the well-known fact about chameleons,
26:38they would say that they live on air, which was assumed to be,
26:41because they move so very, very little and can very rarely be seen to be breathing.
26:45And the other thing about chameleons is their eyes can swivel independently.
26:49Do they know that?
26:50I'm sure they do.
26:51Or do they just say the planet's sister?
26:53They must have worked.
26:54Right.
26:55Well, it only is for me, therefore, ladies and gentlemen, to give you the final scores.
26:58And they are quite interesting.
27:02I fear that in last place is Alan with minus 24 points.
27:08In third place, Jeremy with seven.
27:11Second is Howard with 13.
27:13But in the lead, rousingly, is Joe with 36 points.
27:16Oh, my God.
27:17Thank you, my dear.
27:18Just do I this week.
27:19There's just time for me to thank Howard, Jeremy, Joe and Alan,
27:20and to say something quite interesting to finish with concerning an interesting property of graphite
27:32taken from the agony column of the Daily Mirror.
27:34Dear Marge, I noted in your column a few weeks ago the pros and cons of women going without a bra.
27:42A few weeks ago, I saw a small item in the paper which may help to settle the matter.
27:47It is said that if a woman is not certain whether or not she should go braless, she should place a pencil under her bosom.
27:56If the pencil stays there, she should wear a bra.
27:59I would sign my name to this letter, but my wife still has my pencil.
28:02Good night.
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