- 11 hours ago
First broadcast 18th September 2003.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Rich Hall
Jeremy Hardy
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Rich Hall
Jeremy Hardy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello and welcome ladies and gentlemen to QI, the BBC's answer to a question that no one has ever asked.
00:09Tonight I'm delighted to be joined by the wittiest, cleverest, best looking and best informed audience in television.
00:16And coming along also we have a panel. In order they are Alan Davis, Jeremy Hardy, Rick Hall and Bill Bailey.
00:30Now each of them has a distinctive attack call. Rich goes, Jeremy goes, Bill goes, Alan goes, and I've already been before I came.
00:50Well, the rules are simple, the questions are very unfair and so am I. A correct answer gets fewer marks than an interesting one and a boring answer is penalised more than a wrong one.
01:00You'll pick it up as we go along.
01:01Now, appropriately enough, our first round tonight is called Animal Aggression and it's not only quite interesting but also quite particularly not frightening.
01:16Since 1580, when records began, the total number of attacks on humans by sharks has been logged at about 2,200 only.
01:25This is equivalent to just 5% of the number of Americans injured by toilets in the year 1996.
01:32I'd like to apologise to my mother there for using the word toilets. She would prefer if I said lavatories.
01:39This latter statistic, we know exactly according to the official figures, it was in fact 43,687 Americans injured by lavatories.
01:51What's that?
01:52The, the, the laboratories didn't actually attack them.
01:54The statistics don't say they may have done. Do you, what, are lavatories aggressive in America?
02:00No, no, they're not at all.
02:01We're lavatories attack.
02:03Channel 5.
02:05So this is actually a, a false statement once again, er, making America look like a violent place when in fact these people fell on the toilets, they hit their head, maybe they drowned in them, but the toilets themselves did not attack.
02:17They were passive?
02:18Yes.
02:19I nearly injured myself the other day.
02:21Oh yes.
02:22I was standing, I was standing at the urinal and it was so high, I had to stand on tiptoe, and I nearly pulled a muscle in the hamstring area.
02:38Yes.
02:39And it must have been a really, really lanky plumber who put it up.
02:42It must have been.
02:42You were in a giant's toilet there.
02:44A giant's.
02:45Stumbled into a giant's loob.
02:46No, in a fountain.
02:50It was a font in a chair.
02:51It was outdoors, er, I was not weeing in a font, I resent that.
02:56I, I baptised his, oh, he's done that.
03:00Disgusting.
03:02Almost time to come to the first question you might think, really.
03:04Um, if you heard the sound of fuffing, what would you expect to be imminently savaged by?
03:13I just want to say that it's 9 p.m.
03:26Fuffing, uh, fuffing is a Yiddish word for, um, they have fuffers in porn films.
03:34To get the, uh, actors erect.
03:38So you would, uh, you would expect a, uh, a Hasidic Jew porn star to jump on you.
03:43No.
03:44No.
03:45No.
03:46No.
03:47Fuffing.
03:48Fuffing?
03:49Yeah.
03:50Well, you, you, you're nearly there.
03:51Um, but, uh, but fuffers, uh, are small creatures.
03:54Fuffer, fuffer.
03:55Um, that are used to, uh, fuff in porn films.
03:58In, yeah.
03:59Really?
04:00Yeah.
04:01Instead of human fluffers.
04:02Shoot up the trance legs.
04:03Arouse you.
04:04They have tiny little, uh, marsupials that just manipulate the, uh, genitals.
04:07For the, uh, for the animal planet channel.
04:09Like, when, when animals mate.
04:12The adult discovery channel.
04:13Yeah.
04:14The adult discovery channel.
04:15They have to get the animals worked up.
04:18Is the animal going fuff, fuff, fuff?
04:20Fuff, fuff.
04:21Or is it the noise of it dragging itself along the ground?
04:24It is actually, it's onomatopoeic in as much as it is descriptive of the noise the animal makes.
04:28When attacking you.
04:29A lion with a hairline.
04:30Oh, a snake.
04:33Not, not a snake.
04:35Actually, the answer is, um, it's either a tiger or a weasel.
04:41Tigers never roar before attacking.
04:46No matter what the movies may say.
04:48Unlike lions, tigers are totally solitary animals who come together only when mating.
04:53Tigers only roar to tell other tigers where they are.
04:56To where the frosties are.
04:58Exactly.
04:59If you're having any frosties and you hear, fuff, fuff, fuff.
05:04You're eating Tony's frosties.
05:06Yeah.
05:07Because we've got the frosties.
05:08Fuff, fuff, frosties.
05:09Indeed.
05:11So you're saying it could be a tiger or a weasel?
05:12A weasel's also fuff, yes.
05:14Weasels are part of the tiger family.
05:17Many people think the weasel is akin to the stoat or the polecat, but it's actually a huge prairie cat.
05:22They are stoat or the different, you might say.
05:25Yes.
05:26Yes.
05:27It's unacceptable.
05:28Absolutely unacceptable, I'm sorry.
05:30The weasel's some kind of bonsai tiger, surely.
05:33No.
05:34I do think you're right though, Jeremy.
05:35They're adopted and one day the tigers have to break it to the weasel when he's 16.
05:39We're not your real mum, dad.
05:42Weasel.
05:43No wonder I'm so mad.
05:45Fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff.
05:48Don't you fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff.
05:50You're only a weasel.
05:52You couldn't get a tiger up your trousers even if you were a northerner.
05:59If you had really big trousers.
06:01Or a tiny little tiger.
06:04The national symbol of Croatia is the weasel.
06:08Is that correct?
06:09If you promise me that's true, I might give you five points.
06:14Croatia has a weasel, that's terribly sweet.
06:17All the other ones are gone.
06:19What have we got left?
06:22Weasel.
06:23We have to have weasel.
06:24Excellent.
06:25I like that.
06:26Good.
06:27Now, would you consider undressing for the benefit of a hungry polar bear?
06:34It's now 9.15.
06:37Yes, you would undress for a polar bear because polar bears don't like the taste of human flesh.
06:48But they would steal your clothes to get into a restaurant.
06:53You're oddly close to the truth, though.
06:55Da da da.
06:59They are easily distracted and offering articles.
07:02Why don't you just say, look at that!
07:03No, you see, Alan, this is a common mistake.
07:07Only humans follow the line of a finger. Animals look at the finger.
07:12If you point at something, the dog won't go, ooh, what's he looking at?
07:15He'll look at your finger.
07:17What happens is, you back away, slowly offering clothes, and it stops, apparently, at each piece of clothing.
07:24Once you take your clothes.
07:25Giving you, you know, it wants to sniff your scanties, essentially.
07:29Yeah.
07:30And we do so.
07:31But then you die of exposure.
07:32Unfortunately, it is true.
07:33It's precisely the place where you're most likely to meet a polar bear.
07:37Yeah.
07:38It is the least warm.
07:39I know something quite interesting.
07:40Yes, tell.
07:41About polar bears.
07:42They don't have white fur.
07:44Well, you better look behind you, pal.
07:48What's that?
07:49I'm ready for you.
07:50Yeah.
07:51Come on.
07:52They have clear little follicles.
07:55But because they reflect the snow, they come across as white.
07:59But he's on a rock, then.
08:00He's white.
08:01What's happening there?
08:02Just near him is something really white.
08:07Like, there's a white van with all the food in for them.
08:11That is not a polar bear behind you.
08:13Is it not?
08:14That's a weasel.
08:15They are beautiful animals, aren't they?
08:18You must admit, they are very, very beautiful animals.
08:20They would certainly tell one he was beautiful if he came near them.
08:23The point we're making about polar bears is that these are animals that can run at 30
08:28miles an hour.
08:29And what you certainly shouldn't do is try and run away from them.
08:31Unless you're with a friend.
08:32Or attack them.
08:33Yes.
08:34Or stand still, as you might for some animals like gorillas.
08:36It's quite a good idea to stand absolutely still.
08:38That's why you should always be with a friend if you encounter a polar bear.
08:42Because you can't outrun the polar bear.
08:44You don't need to.
08:45You just need to outrun your friend.
08:46Very good.
08:48Very good.
08:49Cynical, but excellent.
08:51Now, moving on to our third question in this animal aggression category.
08:55Which of these would you choose to defend yourself against an alligator with?
09:01A. Paper clip.
09:03B. Crocodile clip.
09:05C. Paper bag.
09:07D. Hand bag.
09:09E. Rubber band.
09:11C. I'm expert on alligators because I grew up in the swamps of New Orleans.
09:15C. Oh, totally.
09:16C. When it says to defend yourself against an alligator, that's the trick part of the question.
09:21C. This means if the alligator is litigious.
09:23C. He's trying to sue you.
09:25C. Let's say because you're wearing his mom on your feet.
09:29C. There's a lot of paperwork involved in defending yourself in court against an alligator.
09:35C. Is that where the word...
09:36C. You need a paper clip for that.
09:37C. Is that where the word allegation comes from?
09:39C. Yes.
09:40C. Very good.
09:41C. Very good.
09:42C. However...
09:47C. You might need a paper bag if the alligator...
09:51C. Alligators will taunt you before they attack you.
09:53C. And will often, like a boxer, they will often hold a press conference.
09:57C. And they will say, you can't fight your way out of a paper bag, buddy.
10:01C. And then you will have to prove that you can fight your way out of a paper bag before you can fight the alligator.
10:07C. Ingenious.
10:08C. Ingenious and so wrong.
10:09C. Any thoughts on the right hand side?
10:10C. Inflate the paper bag.
10:12C. Bang!
10:13C. Like that.
10:14C. Like a gun.
10:15C. And the alligator loses all confidence.
10:18C. It's possible.
10:21C. It's possible.
10:22C. Starts to back away like that.
10:25C. And then you get the handbag and ram it over his snout like that.
10:29C. And then put the clips on his nipples.
10:32C. Really.
10:33C. You almost flirted with the answer there, Bill.
10:37C. When you talked about putting the handbag over its jaws.
10:40C. But he also said that alligators have nipples.
10:42C. That's a very good point, though.
10:43C. We do have to pull you up on your nipples there.
10:44C. I've got nipples.
10:45C. Alligators are not mammals.
10:46C. Have you never milked an alligator?
10:47C. No.
10:48C. No.
10:49C. No.
10:50C. No.
10:51C. No one has.
10:52C. No one has.
10:54C. No one has.
10:55C. And if you think you have, I'm afraid you really do have a problem.
10:58C. No one has a good night.
11:00Well, now you see, this is the interesting thing. I will tell you the answer, because alligators and crocodiles, despite their fearsomeness, will be rendered pretty much hopeless if you pop a rubber band around them, because the muscles that close the jaws of a crocodile or an alligator amount to several tons per square inch, but the muscles that open them are so weak that they can be rendered silly just by the presence of a small, stout, elastic band around them.
11:28So all you would have to do is pop the elastic band before it managed to open its mouth.
11:32Yes, all you would have to do.
11:33And he would not be able to...
11:34Why is it that all aquatic vicious beasts can be subdued by something really simple? Like sharks as well, you just punch them stoutly on the nose, don't you?
11:43I suppose it's because in their natural habitats, things like the ability to punch stoutly on the nose don't exist. There is no stout-punching fish that rovers the ocean.
11:53And there is no rubber band bird in the Everglades.
11:56I think we have to move on from there, ladies and gentlemen.
12:00Don't forget that we human beings are also animals and among the beastlier and most aggressive of all, as evidenced by this cutting from the Daily Telegraph.
12:08Police rushed to rescue a horse in Dorking, Surrey after a passing motorist saw it tied to a post so short that the horse couldn't reach down to chew the grass.
12:18They found that the poor animal had only one ear and was missing a back leg.
12:23It was also made of wood and an advertisement for a local riding school.
12:26Now, according to Douglas Adams' book, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, there is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here,
12:47it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
12:53There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
12:58Let's see what you feel about that after this round of questions on astronomy.
13:03How many moons does the Earth have?
13:05It has...
13:07Yeah?
13:08The Earth has one moon which is made of cheese.
13:12Oh!
13:21So we lose ten.
13:23But it does have one moon.
13:24No.
13:25It's called the moon.
13:28One moon.
13:30That's it.
13:30I rest my face.
13:31I can understand, Alan, that you would feel hard done by.
13:39But the answer is that there are two moons.
13:42One is the one we know called the moon.
13:44The other is called Kruithne.
13:46It's three miles across and orbits the world every 770 years.
13:51Oh, you're just making this up.
13:54Kruithne.
13:55Kruithne, yeah.
13:56Who comes up with this shit?
13:57So you're telling me there's a second moment.
14:03That I am.
14:04Blue moon, I saw you standing alone.
14:06Not with a small friend.
14:10Quite a way of that.
14:15So why is there not one romantic song with the word Kruithne in it?
14:21Blue Kruithne of Kentucky or Kruithne River or...
14:24No one can see it.
14:25Because it was discovered in 1990 f***ing 4.
14:31What's that?
14:35That is nine years...
14:37Nine years to write a romantic song with the word Kruithne in it.
14:41In the last nine years, no romantic songs as far as I know have been written at all.
14:45Have they?
14:46Brian Atkins wrote one.
14:48Oh, please.
14:50Everything I do, I do for Kruithne.
14:52Well, it's a challenge to all of you songwriters out there.
14:56If you want to write songs, rhyming the moon with June, find a rhyme for Kruithne.
15:00Come with me.
15:02Come with me.
15:03Fly me to Kruithne.
15:05Let me sing amongst the stars.
15:07Will you miss me?
15:08Don't go to Dithne land, go to Kruithne land.
15:11Dithne.
15:12On Kruithne.
15:13Oh, no, no, no, no, not white middle class people doing that.
15:16No, no, no, no, no, no, not doing that, no, please.
15:22Okay, no.
15:23So embarrassing.
15:25All right.
15:26We have late breaking news.
15:28As a matter of fact, Kruithne is pronounced Kruinia and it's actually Celtic.
15:33And its orbit was discovered in 1997.
15:36There you are.
15:36People have been busy on our behalf on the internet and elsewhere calling up important astronomers royal.
15:42Now, our next question.
15:44Where is 90% of the universe?
15:48Jeremy.
15:49Ikea.
15:54Very good.
15:56Give me five for that.
15:57Ikea doesn't have any windows.
16:00They don't sell windows even.
16:02But they deliberately have no windows in Ikea so you can't see out.
16:06So you have no sense of time passing.
16:09So you don't know what time you went in, what time you...
16:12So you can be in there for weeks.
16:14Is that literally true?
16:15Yeah.
16:15And actually, if you don't have access, your body doesn't have access to the natural passing of light.
16:21You buy spoons.
16:23I was told, if this is correct, that all their products are named.
16:27I mean, not like chair, but they're called Neville or...
16:29And you'd like it because they're all strange foreign names like Lublik.
16:35Noonbar.
16:36What is there about me that makes you think I would like...
16:39You're a love of the exotic.
16:41Oh, true.
16:42You like funny, odd words.
16:44Like Krewithny.
16:47Where is 90% of the universe I ask?
16:50Where's 90% of the outside?
16:51Outside this building.
16:54The universe is saddle-shaped.
16:57It's on a horse.
16:58And the other 10% is attachments.
17:04Nosebags and things.
17:05Yeah.
17:05Well, that...
17:06No, there's some truth in fact.
17:07The universe is saddle-shaped, isn't it?
17:08Stephen Hawking seems to think that he is saddle-shaped.
17:10Yes.
17:10He seems to think that it could be, like, at two points.
17:14Yeah, but you don't really know what he's saying.
17:14You all thought Rich Hall was very weird, didn't you?
17:17No.
17:17In fact, he was making sense at a very serious point.
17:18Maybe he is.
17:19You say it.
17:19He is weird.
17:20Don't tell him I'm f***ing weird.
17:21No.
17:21I'm telling him...
17:23I'm doing my best to swim along with this program that gives no f***ing cars when you
17:27get points.
17:29No, you're telling him I'm weird.
17:30No, I'm telling him I'm not weird.
17:32I'm not the one who's telling people there's a second moon.
17:34Well, it depends what you mean, because I would think that most of the universe doesn't...
17:42There isn't anything.
17:44It's just a vacuum.
17:46But there are bits of the universe, like stars and collections of matter and gas...
17:51But the gaps in between are bigger, you mean?
17:52The gaps in between, 90% of it, there's nothing.
17:56The gaps in between do count as the universe, however, but you're sort of on the right lines,
17:59because the answer is that 90% of the universe, um, well, nobody knows where it is.
18:03Most astronomers agree that at least 90% of the universe is made of so-called dark matter.
18:08Yes.
18:09And this stuff is invisible, and no-one knows where it is.
18:12Sir Martin Rees, the astronomer royal, has been quoted as saying it's embarrassing.
18:16So 90% of the universe is unaccounted for.
18:20Look, we're all basing this on what Stephen Hawking says, and the fact is he's subject to
18:25interference from minicabs.
18:26LAUGHTER
18:27I want to rescue this programme from accusations of sickness and move on to another question.
18:39Um, what colour is the universe?
18:42Magnolia.
18:43LAUGHTER
18:44Everything's magnolia.
18:46Because it's, um, it's very spacious, you see, so you want a light colour,
18:50but you don't, you want to be overpowering if it's white.
18:53You might do a dark ceiling just to bring it in a bit.
18:56Yeah.
18:56I was going to say, do you?
18:57It's the sector of the universe, because from the outside, if you're God, it looks quite small.
19:02But when you're in there, it's really quite spacious with plenty of storage.
19:05You're very, very, very close, I have to say.
19:09It's not quite magnolia.
19:10Beige.
19:11Absolutely right.
19:12Ten points.
19:12It is, in fact, beige, the universe.
19:14Brilliant.
19:15APPLAUSE
19:16Not to the naked eye, though.
19:21Not to the naked eye, I quite agree, but it is official.
19:24Last year, after analysing the light from 200,000 galaxies,
19:29American scientists announced that the universe was pale green.
19:33Not black with silvery bits, as it appears to us.
19:36Taking the Dulux paint range as a standard,
19:39it was somewhere between Mexican mint, jade cluster, and Shangri-La silk.
19:46However, to the embarrassment of the American astrophysical community,
19:50a few weeks after announcing their discovery to the American Astronomical Society,
19:55they had to admit that they'd actually made a mistake in their calculations,
19:58and the universe was, in fact, more a sort of taupe or beige colour.
20:02I thought it was Gay Whisper with a touch of amber glow,
20:06which is my favourite.
20:08This is my pancake colour.
20:09It's called Gay Whisper.
20:10Did you know that?
20:10It actually is.
20:11Literally, it's Gay Whisper.
20:15Gay, is Gay Whispers like Chinese whispers?
20:19Only more fun.
20:20LAUGHTER
20:21Well, now, we have another question here,
20:27and this is for a bonus of ten.
20:29Fingers on the buzzers, please.
20:30How many planets are there in the solar system?
20:34Nine.
20:35Oh!
20:36Sorry.
20:37Once again.
20:39Nine.
20:40Not the right answer.
20:41It's another forfeit of ten.
20:42I'm afraid.
20:43I'm afraid the answer is actually eight.
20:46I'm going to write them down.
20:47You'll carry on.
20:48OK.
20:50Mars.
20:51Yes, Mars is one.
20:52Pluto.
20:53No.
20:55Here we go again.
20:56Pluto is a planet.
20:59Goofy.
21:00It was discovered in the 1930s.
21:02It was the most recent planet to be discovered.
21:04It was discovered by Clive Tombaugh in 1930, exactly.
21:07It's a collection of gases.
21:10It's not actually...
21:10It's not a planet.
21:11Not a planet.
21:11By no criterion by which planets are judged could Pluto be said.
21:15It's really, really big, and it goes around the sun.
21:18Yes, it's not really big at all.
21:21It's tiny.
21:22Well, that's why it took so long to find that.
21:24Don't be hard on it.
21:24No, there are many others.
21:26There are many others of the same size that are going around the sun which are not classified as well.
21:29I watched an entire BBC series called The Planets, banged on and on about there being nine.
21:37There was a great movement afoot to discover the ninth planet.
21:42Hubble, the astronomer, had predicted there would be a ninth planet, and Clive Tombaugh in 1930 discovered Pluto and claimed that it was a planet.
21:49But almost everybody now has agreed that it isn't.
21:53What is it then?
21:54It's a tiny ball of ice.
21:57They're these sort of earthy solid planets like Mars and Venus and Mercury.
22:02But they're not those solid because Uranus is known as one of the gas giants.
22:08I'm starting to say there are the four earth ones and there are the four gas ones.
22:12Come out with it and say you're right.
22:13But Pluto is neither.
22:14On the other hand, if Pluto can be said to be a planet, then so can the asteroids, already technically known.
22:20As minor planets in the year 2000, 71,788 of these, with more being discovered every year.
22:27Pluto is only twice as big as the largest of these, which is Ceres, and is not any much tinier than all the other planets,
22:34but is smaller than seven of their moons as well.
22:38Is there a rest stop between you and the end of this statement?
22:43We are going to close this round on astronomy with a story about William James,
22:48the American psychologist and philosopher, brother, of course, of the novelist, Henry James.
22:53He'd just finished giving a lecture on the solar system when he was approached by an elderly lady.
22:58Mr. James, she said, we don't live on a ball rotating around the sun.
23:02We live on a crust of earth on the back of a giant turtle.
23:07James was a kindly man.
23:08If your theory is correct, madam, he asked patiently, what does this turtle stand on?
23:14The first turtle stands on the back of a second, far larger turtle, of course, she snorted derisively.
23:21But what does this second turtle stand on?
23:24Press the philosopher.
23:25It's no use, Mr. James crowed the old lady triumphantly.
23:29It's turtles all the way down.
23:31See, this is why America has a space program.
23:38And Brits think that we're all standing on the backs of turtles with these weird moons going around that no one's ever heard.
23:45I'm sorry to tell you this, but William James was American and the woman who was talking to him was American.
23:50Yes, he was.
23:50And then his brother, Jesse, shot her.
24:01Well, ladies and gentlemen, we come to the last round in time-honored fashion.
24:05It's not QI quite interesting, but GI, general ignorance.
24:08And fingers on the buzzers, please, for this one.
24:11What is the name of the capital city of Thailand?
24:15Yes, Alan.
24:16Bangkok.
24:16Oh, Alan.
24:20No, I will tell you the answer.
24:25The answer is, in fact, Grung Tape, meaning city of angels, same as Los Angeles, an abbreviation for the official name, which is the longest-placed name in the world.
24:36Only ignorant foreigners, apparently, call it Bangkok, which hasn't been used in Thailand for more than 200 years as a name for that city.
24:43Pluto and Bangkok don't exist.
24:47I'm scared to go out.
24:50To the nearest thousand, how many brides walked down the aisle in Britain last year?
24:59Yes, Jeremy.
25:00That's a clue, because there's ten.
25:03No, no, it's not.
25:05Mr. Cheerful.
25:06When you say turtle after turtle after turtle after turtle, what is the last turtle standing on?
25:15That's kind of the point of the anecdote.
25:16That was what William James said.
25:19And the woman said, it's no use, Mr. James.
25:22It's turtles all the way down.
25:24She believed it was the universe of infinite turtles.
25:26Infinite.
25:27It is a sort of trick question, inasmuch as what is the aisle of a church?
25:31The middle part.
25:31In the middle, the path.
25:33No, you see, that's the odd thing.
25:35It isn't.
25:36It is the sides.
25:37The long part is simply called the central passageway.
25:41So nobody walks up the aisle.
25:43No, I will take her down the central passageway.
25:45Yes.
25:47Not I will take her down the aisle.
25:49I was taking up the apse.
25:52Which is the area in between, off to each side.
25:54No, the apse is the back.
25:56Behind the altar is the apse.
25:57It's a rounded, the only rounded.
26:00Well, at the time, you know, it seemed like the apse.
26:04Excellent.
26:05Good, good, good, good, good, good, good.
26:07Now, what flavour is the oldest known soup?
26:12Jeremy, first on the buzzer again.
26:13Cream of plesiosaur.
26:16Lovely thought.
26:18Stone.
26:19Stone soup.
26:21That's why we are superior to all of the animal kingdom.
26:24The only animal that eats soup.
26:25We're the only animal that can make soup.
26:27Because a lion will kill a gazelle.
26:29It eats it all, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
26:31A gazelle all gone.
26:32Oh, dear.
26:32We've got to get some more gazelles.
26:33But if it was us, we would kill the gazelle.
26:36And then get the bones, make some soup there.
26:37Keep it going for days.
26:38Weeks, perhaps.
26:39If lions could make soup, then we, our days would be numbered.
26:44Anyway, no.
26:44The answer is actually just to claim it's hippopotamus.
26:48Hippopotamus soup.
26:49Yes.
26:49It was hippopotamus soup.
26:50It was the oldest recorded soup in human history.
26:52Well, now, what man-made artefacts
26:55can be seen from the moon with the naked eye?
27:00Yes.
27:00Someone said it in the audience.
27:02What was it?
27:02Great Wall of China.
27:03Oh, you've done it again.
27:05I can't believe it.
27:08Which moon are we talking about?
27:21Oh, Rich Paul, I think I love you.
27:26That's a damn good.
27:27You've got to have ten for that.
27:28The fact is, nothing man-made could be seen on Earth from the moon.
27:33Too far away.
27:33It's much, much too far away.
27:35Even the continents are quite difficult to make out, as a matter of fact.
27:38I think, gentlemen of our esteemed panel,
27:41that it is time for our final scores.
27:43And here they are.
27:44In first equal position, it's Jeremy and Rich with 20 each.
27:51In third place, therefore, it is Bill with five points.
27:55But sadly, trailing a little this week with minus 30 points.
27:59It's Alan.
28:00Well, thank you very much.
28:10It only remains for me to thank Bill, Alan, Rich and Jeremy
28:14for sharing their pain with us tonight
28:16and for me to say something quite interesting to finish with.
28:18And it's the tragic, telling, but mercifully brief excerpt
28:21from a court report in The Guardian, which goes,
28:23The marriage suffered a setback in 1985
28:26when the husband was killed by the wife.
28:30Good night.
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