- 7 minutes ago
First broadcast 25th September 1985.
Faced with a huge tax bill Arthur fakes his own death by drowning.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Patrick Malahide - Chisholm
Penny Morrell - Daphne Mount
Mark Farmer - Justin
Royce Mills - Andrew
Michael Povey - D.C. Jones
John Alkin - John Beadle
Jonathan Elsom - Mr. Muir
Timothy Kightley - Undertaker
Jon Laurimore - Newspaper Editor
Ben Howard - Second Hand Sid
Robert Austin - Freddy The Fly
Johnny Wade - Albert
Paul Cooper - Ron
Barry Ewart - 1st Reporter
John Livesey - 2nd Reporter
Peter Allen - Winchester Club Patron
Gordon Hann - Winchester Club Patron
Faced with a huge tax bill Arthur fakes his own death by drowning.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Patrick Malahide - Chisholm
Penny Morrell - Daphne Mount
Mark Farmer - Justin
Royce Mills - Andrew
Michael Povey - D.C. Jones
John Alkin - John Beadle
Jonathan Elsom - Mr. Muir
Timothy Kightley - Undertaker
Jon Laurimore - Newspaper Editor
Ben Howard - Second Hand Sid
Robert Austin - Freddy The Fly
Johnny Wade - Albert
Paul Cooper - Ron
Barry Ewart - 1st Reporter
John Livesey - 2nd Reporter
Peter Allen - Winchester Club Patron
Gordon Hann - Winchester Club Patron
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:12Terry, tell him, please, not to forget the paperwork I mentioned.
00:15Yeah, all right.
00:23You ready?
00:25Prepared, Terry. Prepared.
00:27Andrew's waiting in the car.
00:28Oh, he said, don't forget that paperwork you mentioned.
00:33Well, I'm not even going to ask.
00:35In that case, I'll educate you.
00:37Oh, no.
00:37The first thing you've got to remember, Terry, above everything else, personal appearance, my son.
00:48I need you.
00:56You know what?
00:57Oh, no.
01:00Oh, no.
01:00Oh, no.
01:02Oh, no.
01:03Oh, no.
01:05Oh, no.
01:06Oh, no.
01:10Oh, no.
01:14Go on then, I'm freezing.
01:15I'm freezing.
01:48What's up, what's up?
01:50It's Arthur.
01:56Well, where is he, Lynette?
02:01Lift.
02:02Lift?
02:05Oi, you all right, son?
02:07Come on, come on.
02:08On your plates.
02:09That's it, that's it.
02:11What happened?
02:12Oh, it's best you shouldn't know.
02:15How does that, eh?
02:16Another drink, Dave, please.
02:17Not conversation.
02:19You can always appeal again, can't you?
02:21Oh, no.
02:22No, this is it.
02:22Ruined.
02:23Financial catastrophe.
02:24You are fired.
02:25Oh, thank you.
02:26Do you know, I do my best.
02:28But every time he has to pay a little tax, I'm fired.
02:31A little tax?
02:3120 grand immediately or I'm nicked.
02:34Oh, come on.
02:34I don't know what you're going on about.
02:36It's the first time that you've had to pay more than the pittance in the last five years that I
02:40know of.
02:40Ten.
02:40Yeah, you must arm three times what you're going to pay him.
02:42Five.
02:43You know, as an accountant, Andrew, you make a very good assassin.
02:47Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
02:48I wish I had half of what I've saved you over the years.
02:51Can't have helped much.
02:52You've got an interest like that.
02:53Well, what am I supposed to do?
02:54Turn up in a Savile Row whistle?
02:56Gold kettle on me wrist?
02:58Silk shirt and peckham from Germain Street?
03:00Pair of handmaid St. Louis?
03:01And then persuade a man I'm a pauper?
03:03Oi, Arthur, they're not mugs, these people, you know.
03:05I mean, they get merchants like you in every day with stories like that, don't they?
03:09Look, they've got to have some idea of your income, right?
03:11So they can suss immediately that you're a wrong'un who's trying to make out he's a dosser.
03:15I mean, stupid, they are not.
03:17It has worked before.
03:19Yeah, but that is before Humphrey Greystone.
03:21Up for you.
03:22A direct descendant of that Spanish Inquisition mob, aren't they, aren't you?
03:26Yeah, well, the man is a zealot.
03:28Yeah, I've had dealings with him before, for other clients.
03:30You see, I mean, horror stories, I could tell you.
03:33He does not believe your sincerity to pay up until you go bankrupt.
03:37Not that word, please.
03:38Yeah, but what has he suddenly got lumbered with this Humphrey geezer?
03:41Well, Humphrey geezer is about to retire, and he's taken it upon himself to leave the
03:44Inland Revenue with his image intact.
03:46What image?
03:47As a tenacious and rapacious hunter of tax evaders.
03:51Avoiders.
03:51Avoiders.
03:52Errand doors ain't gonna be too happy about getting rid of all the jewellery and furs, are you?
03:55I don't want to add to your troubles, Arthur, but there have been a couple of phone calls.
03:58Look, the second-hand said he wants a grand you owe him for goods various.
04:02This is not the best of timing, Dave.
04:04Freddie the fly?
04:05He needs payment for two motors you had off him last week.
04:08It's cruel.
04:09It's cruel.
04:11There's only one way out of this problem, Arthur.
04:13What's that?
04:14Top yourself.
04:16Well, I don't know what you're laughing for.
04:18You can't be serious.
04:20I'm deadly serious, with the emphasis on the dead.
04:23Top yourself?
04:24You?
04:25No, Dave's quite right.
04:27It's the only way.
04:29Arthur's ridiculous.
04:31We'll see.
04:32Nah, he's got to be on a wind-up, hasn't he?
04:34What do you think, eh?
04:36More chance of being struck by lightning.
04:38Mind you, he did phone up the Samaritans, you know.
04:41Are you joking?
04:41No, they hung up on him.
04:44Sounds about right.
04:46Hello, Colonel.
04:48Justin?
04:48Hello, Freddie.
04:50Arthur about, is he?
04:51Arthur? No, no, I don't know where he is, mate.
04:53Might try the mortuary.
04:55Yeah, or the river.
04:58It's difficult, isn't it, sir?
05:00What is it? Pardon?
05:01Choosing the appropriate...
05:03Oh, yes, as a matter of fact...
05:04A loved one, was it?
05:06Loved one?
05:07Well, yes, I suppose he has been very close to me all my life.
05:11Very close.
05:13Relative?
05:13Yes, it is, isn't it?
05:15Yes.
05:16Yes, indeed.
05:18May one ask...
05:21Is the departed to be interred or cremated, sir?
05:25Oh, that's difficult to answer, because he hasn't decided yet.
05:28I see he's not yet.
05:30May one inquire.
05:31How long?
05:32Oh, a usual length. Six feet should do it.
05:36Perhaps I should just show you our brochure, sir.
05:38Oh, no, no, no, that won't be necessary.
05:40What I was wondering was, say there were no remains, so to speak,
05:47is there a procedure whereby one has to purchase a, um, or, you know, a thingy
05:52to authenticate the fact that it...
05:55No, I don't think I'm making myself clear, am I?
05:58If it's all right with you, sir, I'll just get the senior partner.
06:02He's very understanding about...
06:06pre-bereavement shock.
06:08No, I don't know where he is, no.
06:11No, I haven't seen him myself for a couple of days.
06:15Well, send him a bill. It's nothing to do with me.
06:18No, I don't know where he lives, all right?
06:24You can send Mr. Daly in now, may I?
06:29Ah, Mr. Daly, nice to see you again.
06:31Nice to see you.
06:33All right, are we?
06:34Well, as well as can be expected under the circumstances, Mr. Muir.
06:38The stress of commercial pressure takes its toll, you know.
06:41Oh, yes, yes, it does indeed.
06:43But, uh, no problem with the forces of law and order this time, I hope.
06:47No, no, no, not exactly.
06:49No, it's more of a personal matter.
06:52Uh-huh.
06:54There is a time in the affairs of man
06:56when, if taken at the flood,
06:59you know,
07:01yet what I'm trying to say is
07:02the tide is out.
07:04I'm sorry, I don't quite follow you.
07:05The fact is,
07:08I am here to make my last will and testament.
07:11Oh, I see.
07:12Uh, nothing, um,
07:14I mean, I trust it isn't any, uh, physical problem
07:17that has decided you on this?
07:18No, no, no, no.
07:20It's more your mental condition.
07:22Why do I have to be here, eh?
07:24Friendship, Terry.
07:26Friendship, and I would hope understanding.
07:28You've got to be mental if you think this is going to solve your problems.
07:30Terry, please.
07:32Look, dying is a serious business.
07:34And as a personal favourite to me,
07:35I would like you to treat the subject with some respect.
07:37Huh.
07:38If not for me,
07:39for those who are going to be left behind.
07:41Earl, I'm sure your creditors
07:42will be deeply moved by your departure.
07:44Oh, that's another thing.
07:45I'm relying on you to pick up any monies outstanding to me when I'm gone.
07:48And make sure her indoors cops it.
07:50Am I listening to this?
07:51Ask not for whom the bell tolls, Terry.
07:54It tolls for the independent entrepreneur
07:56forced across the Stygian Ferry
07:59by the evil conglomerates of bureaucracy.
08:02Excuse me.
08:04Oh, where are you going?
08:05To select the point of departure.
08:09Somewhere symbolic.
08:11Dignified.
08:12You?
08:13Where more poignant
08:15than the roof of the Inland Revenue.
08:22Oh, my God, no.
08:23Oh, no, I do not like the idea of that, Terry.
08:26I could change my mind halfway down,
08:27and then what would happen?
08:28You're not going down, are you?
08:30No, you're right.
08:30I'm being driven.
08:31Oh, do we have to go for all this cod's wallet?
08:33Look, look, Terence.
08:34It's a time like this
08:35a man needs to take stock of his life.
08:37Has it been meaningful?
08:39Has it been worthy?
08:40Has it been honest
08:41in a world bent on greed and corruption?
08:44Honest? You?
08:45Yeah, I like to think it has.
08:47Oh, it do what?
08:48Will it?
08:49Will it?
08:51And I'm sure I'm right
08:52to answer in the affirmative.
08:54Will it leave some small,
08:57honourable mark
08:59on a wall of time?
09:01Oh, no, I'd rather leave
09:02a big honourable mark
09:04all over the pavement.
09:06I might have guessed
09:06you wouldn't understand.
09:08You've never had to struggle
09:09to get a crust on the black market
09:11with bombs falling all around.
09:12Oh, that again.
09:13You've always been cosseted too much.
09:14Or we'd had someone else
09:15look after your welfare.
09:17Someone like me.
09:18You?
09:19I did bird down to you.
09:21That's right.
09:21Taunt me with that.
09:23Taunt me with that.
09:23Never mind all the handouts
09:24I gave you.
09:26Earl abuse.
09:27Bury the hobnail.
09:30Go on, jump.
09:31Terry!
09:33You see, Terry,
09:34when you've grafted hard
09:35all your life
09:36trying to tuck away
09:37a modest little nest egg
09:38to protect yourself
09:39against the ravages of inflation
09:41and the infirmities
09:42of senior citizenship...
09:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:45And all that against the odds?
09:46Yeah, yeah.
09:47Dependents, thieves, charlatans?
09:49Well, naturally you feel
09:50a bit of moral outrage
09:51when that nest egg
09:52is seriously looted
09:53by the inland revenue
09:55just to pay for
09:57nuclear warheads
09:58and junkets for MPs.
10:00Arthur,
10:01the tax ran only
10:02after 20 grand,
10:03only?
10:03Only 20 grand?
10:05Like a Rockefeller.
10:06No, Terry.
10:07That 20 large ones
10:08is just the start.
10:09They mean to pauperise me.
10:11Even if I ended up
10:12sleeping on the embankment
10:13they'd come and nick
10:13the newspapers off me back.
10:17Oh, there comes a time
10:18when a man
10:19has got to make a stand.
10:21Ha, ha, ha.
10:24Is this the main line?
10:26I think so, yeah.
10:27Yeah.
10:29Hold up, hold up, hold up!
10:32Killed me!
10:33I thought that was the idea.
10:35Not like that.
10:40Too messy.
10:41Too messy.
10:42Good.
10:52Perfect.
10:55Perfect.
10:57God, give me strength.
11:03Hey-ho, my dear.
11:03Paid for by the gentleman
11:04over there at the bar.
11:06Hello, Freddie.
11:07Hey, you seen Arthur
11:07about, don't you?
11:08You are far from
11:09the first person
11:10to ask me that question
11:11and the answer to no.
11:12You know where he lives,
11:13don't you?
11:13I'm afraid not.
11:14I don't think anybody
11:15knows where Arthur lives.
11:16Oh, Terry must.
11:16I haven't seen much
11:17of him lately, either.
11:18Well, are you buying?
11:20No, no.
11:21On your budget.
11:23Ours has been
11:23a rewarding friendship, Terence.
11:25I have never let you down,
11:26you know that.
11:27Of course I do, Arthur.
11:28Well, I hope you remember it
11:29in the days to follow
11:30and do everything
11:31I've asked you to.
11:32And that is the last request
11:34of a man about to take
11:35that step,
11:36well, more of a plunge,
11:37in order to shake off
11:39the shackles
11:39of this mortal coil,
11:40so to speak.
11:41Go into that great,
11:42dark unknown alone.
11:44Totally alone.
12:13And that's what it is.
12:31i'm just stunned i never thought for a second he'd actually do it i wish it was me that owed
12:37him
12:37money i'll drink today oh it's bleeding lovely in it what well a man's only been brown bread three
12:44minutes and all you can worry about is a poxy dough he owed you oh don't get me wrong tell
12:49arthur would be the first to understand there's no sentiment in business i don't know i'm feeling
12:54very sentimental about that number wedge he owed me and me about the monkey i had coming well arthur
12:58one don't give a damn about the slate he hasn't settled up with me i shall miss arthur and all
13:04his little strokes yeah he was a one-off all right i mean and when you think about it we're
13:09all going
13:09to be better off i mean in the long run we're all going to end up saving money ain't we
13:12you've got
13:13to give the man credit for that let's drink to arthur this is on arthur slate in it dave
13:18now let's have a little respect young man oh mr chisham
13:27if only the devil could cast his net lay jones i go
13:32what is this you all look like you've bought something off arthur daly it's arthur daly who
13:38has bought him mr chisham how's that arthur is no longer with us what
13:44hasn't been nicked on some other manner has he he's dead you
13:56suicide note by arthur edward daly being of sound if tormented mind
14:03having been persecuted by this penal tax system that punishes the honest entrepreneur
14:10harassed unjustly by certain police officers
14:15if this gesture can help the cause of the persecuted
14:19white mccann where is he do you have trouble reading or something the only thing i believe in
14:23the papers is the date now where is he and what's he up to it says your girl that no
14:27body's been
14:28discovered discovered as yet oh really
14:34jones
14:43you do realize i hope mr beadle that technically you have committed an offence
14:48really in what way
14:53you shouldn't have touched this letter let alone read and published same for we the proper authorities
15:00have decided it would not jeopardize any investigation investigation the circumstances of this so-called
15:06suicide police were informed after you copy the letter are you telling me that you suspect foul play
15:13sergeant telling you anything mr peedle except that where arthur daly is concerned everything is what
15:19it seems to be very suspect sergeant chisholm you wouldn't happen to be one of the police officers mr
15:27daly referred to in that uh suicide note would you
15:32there you go john call me john hello john and you are dave well dave as i was saying there's
15:39a really
15:39good human interest story here you know something the public can sympathize with big brothers indifference
15:45to the little man that sort of thing arthur didn't have a big brother the state bureaucracy oh that
15:52yeah mrs daly was very helpful she put me on to you but she wasn't very informative about your friend
15:58i
15:58imagine she's still in shock poor woman we all are but if you'd have known arthur you'd realize what
16:04unbelievable pressure he must have been under to do what he did exactly dave exactly and that's why
16:09this angle aspect needs publicly airing your late friend made the ultimate sacrifice he deserves
16:15that at least the ultimate sacrifice you're right so uh any background you can give me
16:26well you were a bit a bit what well not exactly sympathetic like you know woman is arthur daly's wife
16:34has been for a number of years you serious you think she isn't part of the conspiracy what
16:39conspiracies i think of keep it up jones keep it up a what a memorial collection for arthur yeah i
16:49thought we could donate the dough to his favorite charity what was that then the royal association for
16:53retired entrepreneurs r-a-r-e rare he's bleeding rare it don't exist it does i've often heard arthur talk
17:00about it well all right then we could club together and buy him a headstone with no body to stick
17:06under it
17:06well a small monument then i don't know say say a bust of arthur with his hat on and a
17:12cigar jammed in
17:13his mouth and a few suitable words ramps underneath you know like arthur daly king of the duckers and
17:18divers are you mugging me of course not excel i'm serious quite a few of the chaps have already promised
17:24to put in honest who's going to contribute well i'll tell you what who's uh who's doing the collecting then
17:30well i don't mind unless you want to do it wait no no no i've got too much to sort
17:34out here well then
17:37well then what well how much you want to put in the pot oh well how much everyone else putting
17:43in
17:43well a couple of nifty's the odd pony oh hold on
17:53there you go a tenner tell you was closer to half of than anybody
18:01and that's all i've got all right mate no one wants you to skint yourself but listen if that don't
18:06end
18:06up where it's supposed to i'm gonna break your legs you know that don't you oh look at that
18:09oh of course it will here how come you're telling the prices off they're indoors asked me to
18:20i was just inquiring how you found luncheon mr black oh well quite easily mrs mount it was placed
18:26on the table in front of me very witty mr black then of course with you being a writer oh
18:36it must be
18:36fascinating yes yes it does have a certain general quesad but oh sorry bilingual might one inquire
18:44exactly what it is one writes mr black oh words you know novels uh yeah lemon or goodness me it's
18:52happy time you must excuse me i uh i have to get back to the muse
18:58that's fascinating you bastard you're no good boss i just should have known you
19:04how could you do this hey i mean have me believing god i should have known of course you wait
19:11till i
19:12get hold of you that's all you just wait listen instead of this torrent of verbal abuse i would
19:16have thought a note of joyous surprise would be more in order it was vital to the schemes of things
19:20that
19:20you maintain the correct balance of dismay dignity and stoic forbearance in this your tragic loss
19:27i mean if you were convinced everyone else would be wouldn't they convinced i'll listen do you know
19:32something we had a wake for you at a winchester didn't we awake did you really hey tell me terry
19:38who's who's that this way have you read the papers yeah yeah i'm not worried about that
19:42tax inspectors read papers nice little convincer wasn't it
20:03arthur don't talk directly at me pretend to be reading your paper i am reading my newspaper
20:09but what is all this hey i mean why couldn't we meet in a pub or something you look like
20:15groucho
20:15marks shh terry i'm trying to be incognito don't gnaws it what could be recognized rabbiting with you
20:23the skies are no disco oh my god do you see the way she looked at me as if she
20:28knew me
20:29arthur if you insist on behaving like one of the ten most wanted everyone's gonna have a second look
20:33good night what do you mean groucho marks you know sydney i imagine a really keen police officer
20:41could find almost anything he wanted to amongst all this stuff is that a threat mr chisholm let's just
20:47call it an observation for now shall we and i'm saying if i was pulled a stroke like you're suggesting
20:54to get out of paying me my wedge you'll be among the first to know come on jones
21:04justine's doing that for me oh that's nice you certainly find out who your friends are when
21:09you're dead terry yeah well when you come back to the land of the living i want my 25 quid
21:14back
21:14no no no come to think of it i want it back now and my out-of-pocket expenses well
21:19i can't deny i'm
21:19not a little hurt that you consider my memory worth only a mere pony how much has he collected so
21:26far
21:27yes of course mrs daly i'll be only to please to help in any way i can
21:34well we all have to go on living don't we she asked me to take the prices off all the
21:38motors
21:39and make sure she had all the motes and log books oh yeah and any relevant accounts or bits of
21:44paper
21:45that got anything to do with running the car lot yeah well why why would she do that i don't
21:49know
21:49i could hardly ask her could i maybe she's selling up selling up my car lot well if you hadn't
21:55stuck
21:56her name down for so many things to dodge paying taxes she couldn't do it could she that is not
22:00the point i've only been dead a week so what difference that made what difference it's indecent
22:04ace that's what it is she couldn't she wouldn't she must be suffering from the most terrible shock
22:09but look i want you to go and see her and find out what she's up to all right yeah
22:13i'll give her your
22:13regards automatic shall i yeah yeah no don't be silly how can you do that exactly it's not from
22:17my bleeding business is it and she'll be the first one to tell me and i don't understand why you
22:22can't
22:22let her in on what's happening i'd love to tell you but i dare a slightest bit of aggro from
22:26plod or
22:26the tax people and she'd crack up and give the game away i mean she's a good woman but she's
22:32uh you
22:32know not very bright up here she's your wife for gold's sake and you're conning her into thinking
22:37you're dead yeah i know it's dreadful that she should have to endure this terrible sense of loss
22:42and that also applies to my other friends who loved and respected me well they're definitely
22:45feeling a sense of loss they are i'll tell you what i'll tell you what get hold of my accountant
22:49andrew a bit cunning you'll know what's going on i don't want my death to ruin my living
22:54terry look i know that you and arthur were muckers or friends mates chums close yeah but i have to
23:02ask
23:02you what business is it of yours yeah well we were also sort of partners you know i was just
23:07wondering
23:08yeah but it is no disrespect intended but i mean i mean in a business sense you were never really
23:13arthur's partner well all i want to know is whether her endorse is selling the car lot oh yes now
23:18uh
23:19terry um terry let me ask you something now do you know what is meant by a breach of confidence
23:26well
23:27yeah but i mean this has got nothing to do with that good good i'm so glad because you will
23:32appreciate
23:32that i'm a professional man and i have to work within a professional code of ethics please
23:42terry do you want me to put myself on offer
23:46hey um oh no sorry i mean place myself within the frame
23:52do what yeah um look do you want me to ruin my reputation by imparting privileged information
23:59no no no hold on hold on look you are arthur's accountant right no no no no no was arthur's
24:05accountant was now i'm handing the accounts for his widow i'm sure arthur god rest his soul would
24:13want it that way now as an honorable man what can i do yeah well if you think about it
24:18i mean what
24:19difference is it gonna make if i know or not hey none at all so why are you asking
24:27i just want what arthur owes me it's only right well you're gonna have to wait until the estate is
24:31settled then aren't you part of which is this lot right which can't be touched until the court or
24:36whoever decides what goes where so i take a bit of gear in loo a few fridges to tell you
24:40used to know me
24:42i'm warning you tell if you and arthur are doing all this look i'm never surprised you see it all
24:46right mr black
24:52oh mr black you're in occupation i'm so sorry i did knock and call perfectly all right i just wanted
24:59to check that maid had tidied the rules yes yes it's all very nice thank you oh you're creating
25:04oh well fascinating just a few rough notes oh for your new novel um it must be do you normally
25:13use
25:14hotel stationery to uh yes yes i expect you'll think that i'm terribly inquisitive but i wonder if i
25:21might just oh no no no it is very rough and i do have to do a lot of polishing
25:25oh i consider it
25:29consider it a deep privilege to be allowed to see how a professional writer works oh
25:35i do a bit myself actually oh really poetry oh i don't know if it's any good of course
25:44perhaps i could persuade you to give me an opinion oh well um yes yes oh would you that would
25:51be
25:51wonderful you're so kind may i um well yes why not as a matter of fact uh read it out
26:01aloud hello yes
26:03it uh it helps us in the trade to get what we call the the rhythm of the nuances if
26:12you follow my
26:13meaning fascinating yes it is it is in memory of our dearest friend and benefactor whose tragic and
26:23untimely death has left her indoors and his many many friends bereft distraught and burdened forever
26:32with grief may those who persecuted this noble and unselfish man not go unpunished for taking diabolical
26:43liberties oh oh it's an obituary oh no no no it's more your immemorial it's a tragic postscript to
26:52one of the characters in my book oh well what uh what do you think fascinating well i think that
27:02leaves only a few minor details to be settled with regard to the rest of the properties we do what
27:06we
27:06can mr meyer indeed i'm sure mr daly would have been the first to say that everyone must do what
27:11one can
27:11to help those left behind absolutely mr meyer absolutely incidentally have you seen today's
27:17paper no oh okay uh page two thank you don't you think you've gone a bit strong here oh yeah
27:33oh yeah
27:34i mean this bit about arthur being an honest businessman who would always do someone a good
27:38term before we did him a bad one well it depends how you read that hey anyway what's it man
27:43about
27:43exaggerating a bit arthur was a lot less dodgy than most of us gets in here and why run the
27:49man down
27:49now he's a goner it's terrific isn't it what's that yeah look when asked about mr daly's posthumous
27:57allegations detective sergeant albert chisholm a local police officer declined to comment
28:17oh dear oh lord you'll be wearing a beard and a cloak next you've seen the papers who hasn't where'd
28:23they get that picture of me how do i know i didn't give it to them see you thought i
28:26was over the top
28:27with the bins and attached didn't you but i was quite right to take precautions as usual as usual
28:31of course you were arthur when we're exposed like this call me mr black mug shot in the media called
28:40where would i be now oh incidentally mr black her indoors has been asking about the car oh why you
28:48borrowed it off the lot didn't you so so she's got a logbook and no motor she thought it'd be
28:53nicked
28:53she hasn't reported it as stolen no no no i told her that i thought you put it in for
28:57repair
28:57somewhere before you uh well get it come on i want to know what's been happening pieces you've
29:03been doing on the suicide very good thanks competition's latching onto it yeah i'd noticed
29:08this could become a runner even an issue but i want the edge so you can get some sort of
29:15statement from this tax inspector what's his name humphrey greystone yeah that's it where do
29:20our sympathies lie with this well i don't imagine many of our readers enjoy paying taxes i'm not sure
29:28that this daily character's martyr material you can be whatever we want to make him
29:35nine day wonder terence nothing to get in a flap about who's in a flat i mean it's two thousand
29:41years since someone came back from the dead in it i mean we're well overdue for another one yeah i
29:45must
29:45say i'm not all that thrilled having my boat on offer but you see tomorrow i'll be yesterday's news
29:49and meanwhile at the tax office my file will be shelved under defunct deceased done for
29:56oh for i'm beginning to think you really have gone loopy
29:59what do you think chisholm's gonna do when you suddenly turn back up on the manor what can he do
30:04what about conspiracy to deceive for instance yeah he's got to prove it
30:09no i've got a plan an overall strategy yeah so did hitler and he had a real moustache
30:15come on then what is it no no it's all in the development stage at the moment like your brain
30:21there's nothing wrong with my brain terence i didn't get where i am today by being what's his name
30:26yeah come on tell us what did you find out about the car lot and uh how's my memorial collection
30:31going
30:32i'm putting no tenor into no memorial farm for arthur as his lover she'll be giving me money
30:36right i remember that sid when they come around collecting for you yeah yeah do you want my
30:41opinion i think it's a load of old cobblers i think arthur's about as dead as you are come on
30:45justin sid's got a point i mean arthur's leaping in the river like that's got to be hard to believe
30:49ain't it you've had shizom bent in your ear as well ain't you ain't we all well i believe it
30:53justin and
30:54there's a score towards it nice one freddie well that's a couple of motors when it comes to friendship
31:02but the man is my accountant was your accountant which he made a point of emphasizing i smell
31:08treachery terry treachery and deceit funny that i didn't know ghosts had a sense of smell you made
31:14a vow to me on my dying day that you look out for my interest that was a sacred oath
31:18i want you to
31:19find out what's going on what will you get into that thick head of yours there's nothing i can do
31:23i want you to bung that in the times in memoriam column you're not kidding aren't you no all the
31:28top civil servants read the times death columns so they know out the box promotion
31:35well what do you think this noble and unselfish man credibility terry that is the name of the game
31:56who's tragic and untimely death has left her indoors not her indoors and then when harold
32:11that was my husband passed over i decided to sell the big house and have this part of the hotel
32:17converted into my own private quarters very sensible now where did i put it oh there they are
32:27i call them poems from the heart oh strong stuff your patience strong well shall we sit down while you
32:36read them mr black oh yes it does seem so silly to keep calling you mr black when we're so
32:44um well
32:46sharing a common interest you might say what does the g stand for oh sorry g black your christian name
32:57oh oh yes gray gray gray gray young black graham black yes it does have a sort of literary ring
33:05to it
33:05doesn't it yes yes it does yes i expect you'll think i'm very ignorant graham not not at all mrs
33:11mount
33:11do call me daphne daphne daphne only is that the name you write under because i don't seem to have
33:19not that i get a lot of time for reading no that is perfectly understandable daphne you see um i
33:24i i
33:25write under what we call number plumages uh colors mostly um black white juice green green green oh
33:35oh you're graham green no no no i i ain't got you on the end
33:48you're a writer it's got to be a right dummy to believe that i don't see why
33:53come on it's a lovely place for a meet this isn't it well what do you expect with my boat
33:57all over the
33:57front pages oxford circus but it was you said don't get in a flat when it was you said nine
34:03day
34:03wonder all right all right could i help it if i modestly underestimated the attention my tragic
34:08demise would attract that's nothing to the attention your reincarnation's going to attract
34:13is it all right all right the trauma of my own death caused the odd error of judgment but what
34:17could i do i mean the die has been burnt the bridge has been cast anyway it may be dodgy
34:23but it's not
34:24totally out of control you could have fooled me no no i i can see it still has its advantages
34:29in no way can my passing be ignored by the horrible umphrey greystone oh and in no way can your
34:36reappearance be ignored by cheerful charlie chisholm
34:54sergeant chisholm can you confirm or deny the allegation that you are one of the officers involved
35:00in harassing mr when the police be holding their own internal inquiry
35:05the lock-up for sale my goods and chattels that's what it looks like yeah when next week
35:12cherry what is going on i don't know look all i know is what i see and what i hear
35:16and it ain't
35:16much i'll tell you i don't think i feel very well well hold up i mean whoever heard of a
35:22corpse
35:23feeling too lively no no no no terry please not at a time like this now we're talking about timing
35:28i think
35:29there's something else you ought to know what's something else well uh dave told me that joe you
35:36know that estate agent who gets into winchester told him so told him what it's probably not right but
35:42it's um well it's about your flat what flat yeah you see um this other mate of joe's who's an
35:51estate
35:52agent as well he told him that he urged you know that um her indoors would put it up for
35:58sale
36:00my home yeah and uh she's been making inquiries about retirement villas in spain
36:10ah there you are gab a sergeant right cause suggested i show you this uh said it might amuse
36:15you show me what a death column there's one there for arthur daly you gave me the impression
36:22he was being a bit sarky like you know sergeant right could i mean oh god oh and the sea
36:29of powers
36:29as you something about making a statement to the press i want it stopped terry and you're the one
36:39who's going to have to do it me yeah what am i supposed to do put a court order on
36:44anybody who
36:45knows right in your name they all think you're dead yeah but haven't found a body have they there
36:50hasn't been an inquest and one thing you can do right away get hold of justine and a van and
36:54shift
36:54all the stuff out of the lock up round to his place justin are you kidding you sell it quicker
36:59than the auction here listen a man who is sensitive and caring enough to get up a collection in my
37:04memory is a man to be trusted terry oh yeah yeah listen the next time we meet it better be
37:09in the
37:09hotel room i better stay well tucked out of the way for now if you get pulled by that poetess
37:14telling
37:15you from a publisher come to collect a manuscript all right i'll be in my room that'd be the nice
37:20one
37:20with the rubber walls wouldn't it hold on sid oh you don't really believe arthur's dead do you
37:28oh no you could have it right sid i mean dead or not this still comes down to breaking and
37:32entering
37:32so how else are we to get out don't that eh eh get hold of that hold of that
37:49oh there you are graham oh i thought i heard you come in sorry there's something i'd like to
37:55discuss with you oh well i i i'm rather busy at the moment have you been reading the newspapers
37:59recently newspapers yes there's been this story about some man who's committed suicide
38:06due to harassment from the police and the inland revenue i only mention it because there's a
38:12picture of him i don't know why but for some reason he does remind me of you me yes there's
38:19a certain similarity about the face wouldn't you say i see what you mean yeah haha sort of a
38:27double ganger haha who would have thought it well i certainly wouldn't graham or should i call you arthur
38:33i'm not a vindictive woman even though you did try to make a fool of me with all that stuff
38:38about
38:38being a writer oh no i i really did like the limericks both of the poems very good as i
38:44was saying
38:44i am not a vindictive woman and i don't like paying my taxes any more than anybody else
38:50but i do have my pride upon which i put rather a high price i'm sure you understand perhaps you'd
38:58like a
38:58little time to think it over shall we say later this afternoon
39:02i think it's enough don't you we are strong in it a bit don't tell me tell him
39:24what are you two come and have a bushes at this i'm sorry mate i'm not interested but why not
39:29david tells me you were closer to arthur than most yeah and dave should know better than sticking my
39:34name up to reporters sorry joe i didn't think you'd mind i mean he is sort of putting off the
39:37side of it
39:38no that's great that's terrific but i don't want my name and my face all over the front pages thank
39:42you very much now you do what you've got to do but leave me out all right listen terry i
39:47understand how
39:47you feel i've been a reporter a long time and i'm not stupid and i've done my research on arthur
39:51so the man was a bit of a scallywag but then we all have to be in this day and
39:55age to survive
39:57and there's a positive side to what i'm doing oh yeah what's that listen i know we can be a
40:02bit
40:02partisan but we're also a major influence in stopping those who govern us from getting too
40:06complacent or dictatorial yeah when it suits you yeah sure but in this case a certain tax inspector
40:11i want humphrey greystone would not be retiring prematurely and reading between the lines that
40:16means resigning if it wasn't for us i haven't read that no you won't for a few days it's not
40:21official
40:22yet terry found oh it seems his masters are none too pleased with the embarrassing and unwanted
40:27publicity is brought to the department here you go tom hello terry ah it's me andrew yes um i'm at
40:41arthur's lock-up uh there's been a break-in there's quite a lot of stuff missing well what are you
40:45doing
40:46there anyway i'm round here because i came to check the inventory i asked you to make up yeah for
40:50a sale
40:50you didn't tell me about terry i just do as my client instructs me to the thing is i called
40:56the
40:56police you did what yeah yeah well um they are here now and um yeah yeah i i i think
41:02they they
41:03want to talk to you about it well i don't want to talk to them yeah uh it is a
41:08bit reluctant
41:10can this is detective sergeant chisholm i want to talk to you here or at the nick choice is yours
41:20well how about it terry sorry mate i've got a deadline to meet i'll see you later dave
41:41so all right i took a bit of gear in lieu of payment i didn't nick back what was mine
41:44in the
41:44first place you took a bleeding liberty said and you know it well i don't think so don't you
41:49well chisholm thinks it's down to me i should have known it was you you slag one and albert had
41:54their
41:54bit too and it ain't me who's a slag arthur ain't dead you know and now we know it oh
42:00yeah what's that
42:01supposed to mean on that it means you shouldn't have left little notes and hotel station in arthur's
42:04lock-up arthur screwed us so we screwed him did he
42:13arthur it's me terry oh thank god you're here terry come in i've got a problem listen you know
42:18the bird who owns this place the one i told you about she sussed me out oh she's not the
42:22only one
42:22i think she's gonna try and put the black on me i'm gonna do the offland in the hope that
42:26they
42:26won't believe her when what did you say i said she's not the only one sid ron and albert they
42:31know
42:31no how well you know that thing you wrote a little memorial yeah yeah well i found it in from
42:36the
42:36lock-up didn't i so well the fact is those three slags only broke into your lock-up and turned
42:41it
42:41over didn't they what yeah they nicked off your stock said you owed it to those dogs i want the
42:46mains terry yeah the thing is you see they found some of that edited note paper you know for the
42:51times
42:51with your little reminder written underneath well it don't take a lot to work out does it so they know
42:56where i am as well yeah that never occurred to me they break into the lock-up the real problem
43:00might be
43:01that uh well i went a bit did low and i'll give sid a spank good good well what's bad
43:05about that
43:06i suppose when he gets it up and he gets onto chisholm oh my god terry don't just stand in
43:11there
43:11come on help me get out of here come and come don't panic i mean why not well it's a
43:15bit of a slag
43:15but i don't book him as a grass listen the man's a grave robber he'd stop at nothing now hold
43:19up look
43:19if he'd done it chisholm would have been here by now wouldn't he now whatever's happened
43:23you've got to think of a convincing alibi soon what do you suggest reincarnation
43:31well listen from what you say i mean the bird who runs this place i mean she might help
43:36eh if you were nice to her you know
43:54amnesia yes poor man and his memory hasn't properly returned yet has it my dear
44:02sorry naturally when i read the papers and i realized well i showed them to him and it sort
44:08of jogged his memory so to speak oh dear he said to me poor old charlie chisholm and he seemed
44:16most
44:16concerned that i should ring you straight away because of the way the newspapers had so falsely maligned
44:22you see my face my clothes the way i walk hmm but do i look like an idiot you seriously
44:34expect me to
44:35believe he wandered in here nothing more than a wet suit a total stranger and you know you simply took
44:43him in looked after him without even trying to contact anyone please don't shout my residents
44:51in the first place i did not know whom to contact and in the second
44:57well i expect you'll think i'm very foolish but i am a widow alone as you see and he did
45:04seem
45:05well he is a very nice man
45:17you won't get away with this daily you won't do you hear me mr chisholm is that you oh thank
45:28god
45:32oh i've got to hand it to you off you never cease to amaze me nor me so what did
45:37it cost you to
45:38straighten the bird at the hotel oh she uh she settled for the car i was using that all right
45:43nothing yeah that is all terence which reminds me i will not forgive you for trying to con her
45:49indoors into flogging you my car lot for less than half it's worth oh for you were dead
45:53i thought i was doing a favor i knew the poor woman would probably need some money on the hurry
45:57up
45:58so i made her the best offer i could of your friend i even put in the collection didn't i
46:02justin
46:02it's right arthur you did and uh what has become of this collection of mine i had a bus made
46:08up of
46:08you you did yeah dave uh dave's got it why don't you say mate you sure yeah come on dave
46:14let's see it
46:14well it's just that i can't find a suitable place to put it you know all right i'll go fish
46:19it
46:29there you go
46:33i knew you'd like it arthur bird i know goes evening classes down the art college she made it up
46:37from a
46:38photo of you out of paper you parted with my memorial collection for that yeah well actually
46:45she's reckoned a bit tasty at the old sculpture in game well i mean you can see can't you oh
46:49and
46:49there's still the inscription's got to go underneath tell fault how didn't you tell and what did you
46:53deem appropriate half a daily he dealt he diddled he died
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