D.L.S. The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club. (1973) Part 1 of 2.

Name: D.L.S. The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club. (1973) Part 1 of 2.
Uploaded: 2025-10-13T18:58:20+00:00
Duration: 1 h 26 min 31 s
Channel: deaddogsdam

deaddogsdam

3 months ago

First broadcast 1st/8th February 1973.

When one of the members of the Bellona Club passes away, Lord Wimsey is brought in to determine the time of death for testamentary purposes.

Ian Carmichael - Lord Peter Wimsey
Derek Newark - Bunter
John Welsh - Mr. Murbles
John Quentin - George Fentiman
Vivien Heilbron - Sheila Fentiman
Terence Alexander - Robert Fentiman
Anna Cropper - Ann Dorland
Donald Pickering - Dr. Penberthy
Ralph Truman - General Fentiman
John Warner - Captain Culyer
Noel Coleman - Col. Marchbanks
Norman Scace - Wetheridge
Arthur Hewlett - Woodward
Celestine Randall - Nellie Mason
Mark Eden - Det. Insp. Parker
Phyllida Law - Marjorie Phelps
Clifford Rose - Mr. Pritchard
Carleton Hobbs - Mr. Oliver
Norman Shelley - Dr. Horner
Brian Murphy - Detective
John Tordoff - Hinkins
John DeVaut - Head Waiter
Alan Lawrance - Railway Official
Elizabeth Stewart - Agitated Lady
John Scott Martin - Pritchard's Clerk (as John Scott-Martin)
Pat Gorman - Second Detective

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Transcript

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00:00:00You

00:00:30George, my dear old Jack, oh good to see you, I say I'm not late am I? What in the world

00:00:48won't you make you want to belong to this morgue? Morgue? Oh I wouldn't call it that,

00:00:51funeral parlor to say the very least, and look at the marble, look at the furnishings,

00:00:55look at the palm, and that chased bronze nude in the corner. yes and look at the corpses. dry

00:01:02martini. thank you, yes. evening Fred. two uh two dry martinis please. look at that one. he's been

00:01:07snoring away like a hippopotamus ever since I arrived. oh bless him. you know I don't believe

00:01:13I've seen him awake for six months. particularly a relaxing chair that one George. you ought to try

00:01:19it sometime. I come here once a year on armistice day for Colonel Marchbank's dinner party and that's

00:01:23quite enough. besides I haven't the money to belong to a place like this. hmm well your grandfather

00:01:30belongs. that's different. my revered grandpa hasn't anyone else to go to. oh the ballona club.

00:01:35it's company to him. warmth and conversation. he dodders in here at 10 every day, clicks the morning

00:01:42post in the armchair nearest the fire, and becomes a part of the furniture till the evening. but I'm a

00:01:48married man. as you know Peter. comic figure. the married man kept by his wife. we all have to be

00:01:55kept by somebody you know. better one's wife than a person of low character. anyway I wouldn't want to

00:02:00belong to a morgue like this. look at it. corpses everywhere. do you know what it reminds me of? that old

00:02:06joke in punch. waiter take away lord what's-his-name. he's been dead two days. huh? everyone dead and nobody

00:02:13notices. I'm talking too much am I? too much and too loud. I don't know why I come to this damn dinner.

00:02:22now all this remembrance bay business gets on your nerves don't it? my belief that most people would

00:02:28be only too pleased to chuck all these community hysterics if only the beastly newspapers didn't run

00:02:32it for all it's worth. however it don't do to say so. they'd hoof me out. I don't want to be reminded

00:02:40of the war. I wish it had done for me. nerves all to pieces inside sewn together. no job. no money.

00:02:48might as well have finished me off properly. I think perhaps sheila would have missed you. money.

00:02:53I never thought of money before the war. I swear nowadays I'd commit any damn crime to get hold of a

00:03:00decent income. oh I shouldn't. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't say that. most people are so incompetent

00:03:07that even a comparative imbecile like myself can play the giddy sleuth. you detect your friends? I

00:03:12detect anybody. so if you're thinking of putting on a false beard and murdering a millionaire don't do

00:03:17it. that disgusting habit you have of smoking your cigarettes down to the last millimeter will betray

00:03:22you anywhere. I wonder anyone cares to know you. ah evening Pemberthy. will you join us? thank you whimsy.

00:03:29whiskey I think please. whiskey please Fred. and two more martinis. I'm so sorry. do you know George

00:03:37Fentiman? any relation? grandson. indeed. George was with us at Hill 60 when young Julian

00:03:44Marshbanks was killed. his father the colonel gives a dinner here every year an armistice night for

00:03:49Julian's friends. those of us that is who survived I think is the word. dr Pemberthy is practically the

00:03:57club doctor. more than half the membership seem to be his patients. I know your grandfather very well in

00:04:02fact I think you could say that I've been keeping him alive. yes I know. since there's a

00:04:06small sum to inherit you mustn't expect me to be grateful.

00:04:11oh here is the camp. evening Peter. George. Pemberthy. no one else arrived yet? well the old generation has no idea about

00:04:18punctuality. whiskey please Fred. I've just been upstairs having a yarn a lot of your patience Pemberthy

00:04:25old Granger. seems to be in a bad sort of way. he last the winter? miraculous. you're a miracle worker

00:04:31Pemberthy. look at your grandfather George. must be 90 feet a day and Pemberthy keeps him

00:04:37going. well down the hatch. cheers. we're all grateful. I think I'll go and have a word with the old boy.

00:04:44please excuse me. no hurry. I had no idea that your grandfather the general was

00:04:52coming into the club today. oh he's here every day. the last Trump will find him in

00:04:56that armchair. do you know what they used to call him? old mossy face. when he talks about the war he

00:05:03means the Crimea. excuse me. I'll come with you. I'm afraid something rather unpleasant has happened.

00:05:26take him away. take him away. he's been dead two days. oh sir you. so am I. we're all dead. but none of us noticed.

00:05:49all right. all right. all right. all right. all right. all right. all right. all right. I'll join you in a moment.

00:06:03poor devil. yes. known for his imagination as George. unhappy quality.

00:06:11well doctor. he's been dead some time. rigor mortis is well established. it's just beginning to pass off.

00:06:21I thought something like this might happen. his heart was very weak. he could have died at any

00:06:28moment. does anybody remember speaking to him today? well I saw him after lunch. usual damn place.

00:06:34taking up the fire. I didn't speak. thought he was asleep. hmm. well someone better tell his people I suppose.

00:06:39well Captain Fentiman knows of course there's the other grandson. Robert. oh he's staying at the club.

00:06:45bound to be in later. I'll have a word with him. after that there's the old man's sister Lady Dormer.

00:06:50she lives around the corner in Portland Square. but they haven't been on speaking terms for years.

00:06:54should be told nevertheless. I'll see to it. you can't use the telephone by design. bring the damn

00:06:59things out of order. I wanted to use it this morning. a great notice of. disgraceful. I mean if one can't expect to use

00:07:06the telephone. hello it's gone now. I suppose the phone's all right again. they might let one know.

00:07:12thank you Etheridge. oh well if you don't need my assistance. passing off? what the rigger?

00:07:20yes. the fire would have helped a bit. say five hours for him to stiffen up and then

00:07:26he probably came in at his usual time sat down and died straight away. say nine hours altogether.

00:07:33anyway the time of death is unimportant. he obviously died in his sleep.

00:07:37I'd better get him moved I imagine. one of the upstairs bedrooms will do.

00:07:42I'll arrange for somebody to lay him out as soon as the riggers passed away completely.

00:07:46have you broken the news lady Dormer? lady Dormer's dead.

00:07:58her may tell when she passed quietly away at half as 10 this morning.

00:08:06general Fenterman. the mistress's brother. he's dead? this morning suddenly at his club.

00:08:14they just telephoned to say. I'm sorry. he didn't look well. not in himself. no he didn't.

00:08:24poorly. distinctly poorly. thank you mason.

00:08:32very strange miss. both of them passing away. so close together.

00:08:43they were old. not strange at all.

00:08:45you tell mrs. Mitcham I have my dinner up here on a train.

00:08:48langham 0929 please.

00:09:05oh hello it's Anne. Anne Dorland. they just telephoned. the general died this morning.

00:09:15suddenly at his club.

00:09:18he's dead Sheila.

00:09:21I'm afraid I made rather a fool of myself.

00:09:27we'll get something?

00:09:32yes.

00:09:33enough?

00:09:34enough to pay off the debt not enough to count.

00:09:36I meant the debt.

00:09:40I know you did.

00:09:42I don't think I like you going out to work.

00:10:05sitting at that damn cash desk all day.

00:10:08dear.

00:10:09I'm sorry.

00:10:10dear love George.

00:10:11I'm sorry.

00:10:12I'm sorry.

00:10:13I've been feeling.

00:10:14I've been feeling a bit odd all day.

00:10:17I've been feeling dashed on Sheila.

00:10:20have you taken one of your pills?

00:10:22no.

00:10:23I'll get you one.

00:10:25we'll have some cocoa and you take one of your pills.

00:10:28not yet eh?

00:10:30hold on a bit.

00:10:32you're a better prescription for me than anything that quacks can give.

00:10:39as long as you don't get tired of coping.

00:10:45I shan't get tired.

00:10:50and we will get something.

00:11:03and we will get you all out with me.

00:11:05and we will get to wait for me.

00:11:08that's my fault.

00:11:09that's my fault.

00:11:10the next one is my fault.

00:11:11not all right.

00:11:13we will get to go.

00:11:14Mrs. Actuals,

00:11:15let's go.

00:11:16the last one in the morning...

00:11:17it's had to be of a friend who was his son.

00:11:18it was a friend when the night came...

00:11:20and he gave me a friend.

00:11:21and it was a friend who left for me.

00:11:23it was a friend who left him,

00:11:25and he gave me a friend.

00:11:26and he gave me some time to take care of him.

00:11:27to see you. Bunter, a glass for Mr. Mervles. you'll take a glass of sherry. well uh it's a manzanilla

00:11:32from san lucar de merameda. always tastes much better in company. discern in company that is.

00:11:38i should enjoy a glass of sherry. splendid. sit down. sit down. thank you. i once knew a johnny who

00:11:43requested dry madeira before luncheon. he wasn't asked again. eight months later he committed

00:11:49suicide. i don't say that it was on that account but he was earmarked for a bad end. what?

00:11:53thank you. thank you. you're quite well i trust? i'm in excellent health sir. i'm obliged to you.

00:11:58uh been doing any photography lately? a certain amount sir. but merely of a pictorial description

00:12:04if i may venture to call it so. criminological material has been distressingly deficient of

00:12:08late. well perhaps mr mervles has brought us something. no no i don't think so. sorry to

00:12:12disappoint but nothing of an undesirable nature is involved. the fact is a curious question has

00:12:19arisen with regard to the sad death of general fentiman ten days ago at the blona club. uh to

00:12:24which i understand you were a witness. if you understand that you understand more than i do.

00:12:29no thank you. i didn't witness his death. i witnessed the discovery of his death which is a very different

00:12:33thing by a long chalk. how long a chalk one wonders. that's one indeed. well perhaps you better tell me a

00:12:40little more about your curious question. uh how much do you know of the late general fentiman's

00:12:45family affairs? oh very little. he was a widower i understand. his wife died in early life.

00:12:51she was never strong and rendered less so by the military regularity of mr general acquired her to

00:12:57perform her maternal functions. there are two surviving grandsons captain george fentiman. george i know.

00:13:03and uh major robert. robert i've met. regular army. distressingly hearty and all that. yes he's of the

00:13:09old fentiman stock. poor george inherited a weakly strain from his grandmother i'm afraid. weakly?

00:13:15uh nervous. george and i were brother officers you know burbles. he was very badly gassed shot up and

00:13:22hung about on the barbed wire watching his best friend julian marshbanks bleed to death not 15 yards

00:13:26away. he was appallingly shell shot and suffered a breakdown from which he's not yet recovered.

00:13:31i too as i think you know suffered a nervous breakdown at the end of the war.

00:13:38perhaps simply to continue would be best. let me get you some more sherry.

00:13:43uh no no no thank you. uh we were speaking of general fentiman's family. he had in fact

00:13:51one other surviving relative sister. yes i know. she died too i understand. at half past 10 in the

00:13:57morning of november the 11th. the general found dead in his usual armchair at the below

00:14:01club that same evening. but as to when he died you see one can't be certain. it's a matter of a will

00:14:08i take it. perceptive lord peter. i uh hope i'm not boring you by the way. i'm bearing up waiting for the

00:14:14point where the money comes in. there's a steely legal glitter in your eye which suggests that the

00:14:19thrill cannot be far off. quite. the sister lady dormer had not for many years been on speaking terms

00:14:26of their family. not i hasten to say by her choice. she had made a most unfortunate marriage you

00:14:31understand. unfortunate? to a man in trade. button maker to be precise. to make matters worse she and

00:14:38her husband were extremely happy. quite unforgivable. so the uh quarrel was never made up. and all the time

00:14:45her husband who already had some money made a great deal more was consequently knighted. and so on and so on.

00:14:51the phantom as i take it had very little money. one or two minor bequests apart the general has left

00:14:56a mere two thousand pounds which will go entirely to his younger grandson george. and robert knew?

00:15:01oh and approved. robert's executor and residuary legatee. after george's been paid the two thousand

00:15:07anything left will go to robert. plain sailing ain't it? lady dormer left to will.

00:15:12uh-huh. everything to go to the general if she were to die before him. i'm ahead of you i think.

00:15:21if she did die first george gets? the two thousand he would have got anyway. and robert? the remainder.

00:15:27something in excess of half a million pounds. the situation is further complicated by the involvement

00:15:36of one other party. miss anne dorland. a niece. she lived with lady dormer. has a studio in the house.

00:15:43she stands to inherit as well. in a nutshell lord peter the position is this. if lady dormer died

00:15:49before the general miss dorland as you suggest does stand to inherit some 12 000 pounds. george gets

00:15:56his two thousand. and robert his half million. if however the good lady died after the general

00:16:01then a secondary provision of lady dormer's will applies. the bulk of the money instead of going to

00:16:06robert will go to miss dorland. exactly. interesting. most awkward situation. and commonly awkward. so

00:16:15everything depends entirely on when the general actually died. precisely. i act for the fencing. miss

00:16:22miss dorland has other representations. what do you want me to do about it? you're a member of the

00:16:28bologna club lord peter. you know the persons and places involved. you're exceptionally well fitted to

00:16:33make the necessary investigations without creating a scandal. if i were you i'd get the parties concerned

00:16:40to come to an agreement. there are certain obstacles. someone being greedy? well well well.

00:16:48when you were a small boy merbles did you ever go around poking sticks into peaceful and mysterious

00:16:54looking ponds just to see what was at the bottom? frequently. i was extremely fond of natural history.

00:16:59i had a remarkable collection of pond fauna. did you ever stir up a juice of a stink in the course of

00:17:04your researches? what are you suggesting? just the general warning. i'll start tomorrow. i shall enjoy it.

00:17:15he's a rogue. they're all rogues regular army. you can't trust soldiers. they're paid to kill people. no wonder they lie.

00:17:31i'm not going to compromise. why should i? the money belongs to me. i don't see why i should give away

00:17:37more than six hundred thousand pounds simply because... all right. all right my darling. yes.

00:17:59i'm not going to go back to the church. i'm not going to be more than six hundred percent.

00:18:04i'm not going to go back to that party. you can't trust me.

00:18:08I'm quite sure this suit's all right, Bunter.

00:18:38no I hate new clothes. I want to look approachable but on no account loud.

00:18:43approachable? I can't help wondering if the stripe of invisible green wouldn't

00:18:48look better if it had been a remote purple. no my lord. purple would not be an

00:18:53improvement. interesting yes but if I may so express myself decidedly less affable.

00:18:57well I'm sure you're right Bunter. you always are. anyway it would have been a

00:19:01bore to get it changed now. thank you. and I'll take the cane with the foot rule

00:19:06marked on it. I'll go on ahead and I would like you to follow with the

00:19:10thingamajigs in about an hour's time. I'll have a word with the secretary. perfectly

00:19:15sure it will be all right. where is my lens Bunter? here my lord. oh thank you. and the

00:19:21fingerprint powder is in your lordship's right hand jacket pocket. and speaking of

00:19:25matters sartorial you know you haven't got quite the air of devil may care seediness

00:19:30that marks the giants of fleet street. my lord. stick some of your slides into one

00:19:34pocket and a few odd lenses and doodahs into the other. if you ought to take

00:19:38photographs without a rise in suspicion you must be a reporter. something from

00:19:42one of the illustrated magazines. I do understand my lord. I am prepared for it.

00:19:45no but you're not old lad. do you mind ruffling your manly locks a bit and

00:19:49spill in some cigarette ash down the lapel. ash? yes right down the lapel. then egg on the

00:19:54waistcoat and dandruff on the collar. use desiccated coconut. the members of the

00:20:00bologna club are advanced in years. they will see what they expect to see. they

00:20:04will expect to see dandruff. very good my lord.

00:20:11boiled egg my lord? fried egg bunter. no no no no no my dear Cully nor do I want to make a fuss.

00:20:19au contraire as the man said in the bay of Biscay when they asked if he dined. a few photographs

00:20:24that's all I want. just to keep the lie of the land under my hawk-lac-optiquois. so do you mind

00:20:30pretending that he's the bloke from the daily twaddle or picture news or

00:20:33something while he totters around with the doings. what do you say? oh it's all

00:20:36uh fair and above board I suppose. we we don't want anything unpleasant. no no no no of

00:20:40course not. that's the idea. strictest confidence. any sum up to 50,000 pounds. your note of

00:20:44hand alone delivered in a plain van. no references needed. trust little Peter. oh my dear Wimsy. see as

00:20:49I said there's been a bit of a muddle as to when old Fentyman actually died and

00:20:53I've been asked by the family to barge around and ask questions. you're not the

00:20:57only one. I've already had complaints about some dashed lawyer bloke worming

00:21:01his way in and cross-questioning the members. have you budger? well I wonder who that

00:21:05could be. not my mr. murbles obviously. anyway bunter what I want you to do is to just

00:21:12toddle around taking what's and ends. photographic studies. yeah that's the idea yes. notably of the

00:21:18smoking room both from the entrance and from the door of the library here

00:21:23including the telephone cabinet. oh yes that's another thing.

00:21:25complaints about the telephone being out of order. well it hasn't been. who'd be a

00:21:30club secretary? my dear fellow once one starts an investigation it's mysteries all

00:21:35the way. and one of the fireplace bunter showing the old boy's usual chair. a couple of

00:21:41snaps of the hall and then one of the cloakroom with the peg he used. and anything else? oh never mind.

00:21:46say anything else that takes your fancy. just to add artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative.

00:22:00all right a lad off you clear. very good my lord.

00:22:04I'll hang on here for a while. I've left a message asking Dr. Pemberthy to drop in for a chat then I'll have a word with the porter. that sort of thing. all honest work. oh by the way. is George uh. no I beg your pardon. is Robert Fentiman still staying in the club?

00:22:20oh no. he uh. has rooms in Richmond. he's been staying in his grandfather's flat. since all this unpleasantness. I suppose he has to look after things. and I say to the family.

00:22:28but he was staying here. Robert that is. on the night before stuck in town he stopped over. we see a fair amount of him.

00:22:36yes and so must I. he shall be by next call. bunter shall do a photographic study.

00:22:42he wanted to see me. oh Pemberthy how good of you to drop in. morning and all that. thank you so much Cully.

00:22:47he's quite different he's on the detective trail. positively masterful.

00:22:57you're after the time of death I imagine. you're very quick. no it's clear there's a question.

00:23:03I had a lawyer fellow around the other day asking questions acting for the niece.

00:23:09Ann Dorland tried to pin me down. did he succeed? no of course not. he seemed to think that you can

00:23:14say to a minute when a man dies simply by looking at his back teeth. still you can get a general idea.

00:23:19for instance I've seen a good few corpses even in my short life. and do you know what I would have said?

00:23:24well I imagine you'll tell me. well I would have said the old boy had been dead for at least 24 hours.

00:23:31well you know that he couldn't have been. but you said yourself rigor mortis was well

00:23:35established and it usually lasts for 24 hours. it can do. sometimes it passes off quickly.

00:23:41quick come quick go as a rule. besides there was a good fire. nevertheless I agree with you that in

00:23:49the absence of any other evidence I should have put the death at rather earlier than 10 o'clock. remind me

00:23:57about the other evidence. you're not a very good detective whimsy. everybody knows that the general

00:24:04is to arrive here every morning at 10 o'clock. yes. you knew the old boy's constitution pretty

00:24:09well I take it. he was my patient. he was very frail. the heart begins to wear out of it when you're over

00:24:1690. he could have died at any moment and he'd had a bit of a shock do you see. shock? after seeing his

00:24:22sister the afternoon before. they must have told you about that since you seem to know so much about

00:24:28it. no nobody told me about that. she was ill. dying. asked to see him. they hadn't spoken to each other

00:24:36for 50 years. he came around to harley street afterwards and saw me. go on. he was excited.

00:24:43his arteries were strained. his pulse erratic. I told him to go to bed and keep quiet. but he came here

00:24:50the next morning. too soon. I agree. i suppose you're perfectly satisfied about all this. i shouldn't have

00:24:58given a certificate if i hadn't been satisfied. his heart gave out. nothing about the body struck you

00:25:04as fear not. what sort of thing? you know what i mean as well as i do. you mean the leg? i mean the leg.

00:25:15that fellow's got egg on his waistcoat. and dandruff on his collar. he's a journalist doing a photographic

00:25:25feature. the whole country is going to the bloody bow-wows. i wonder if anybody else noticed the leg.

00:25:32i doubt it. i didn't. but then i make that sort of thing a hobby of mine. however not knowing quite

00:25:39what it meant at the time and seeing that you didn't want to draw attention to it i didn't put

00:25:42myself forward. i wanted to think it over. it seemed to suggest something rather unpleasant.

00:25:50if you knew how many times i'd heard that with the last few days.

00:25:54once trigomortis sets in it stays in. then when it starts to pass off it usually begins with the face

00:26:02and jaw and not suddenly in one knee joint. the general's face and jaw were as rigid as wood

00:26:08but his right leg swung loose from the knee. it's extremely puzzling. i can't explain it.

00:26:16if it had been loosened by somebody after rigor mortis had set in it would have remained loose. it

00:26:21wouldn't have stiffened up again. what somebody? oh well that's rather the point isn't it? i mean one

00:26:26can't imagine one of the waiters finding the old boy as stiff as a poker in the best arm chair.

00:26:30giving him a couple of knee jerks and just leaving him there. i can't imagine anybody unless... yes?

00:26:38well unless somebody who knew him. who knew of him perhaps. finding the body and then attempting to

00:26:48make the corpse more seemly to... to help in some way. and then when they made matters worse...

00:26:58losing their heads. a very lucid speculation. so just let sleeping dogs lie eh? do you know i find

00:27:07that i hardly ever do that. by the way you said at the time that rigor mortis was just passing off

00:27:13when we found the body. was that camouflage or does it still hold good? the rigor was just beginning

00:27:19to pass off in the face and jaw as a matter of fact. it had passed away completely by midnight. oh

00:27:26thank you. that's another fact. i like facts and there are remarkably few of them in this case.

00:27:35shall we wander?

00:27:35if you would care to remain where you are sir without moving a human element in the foreground

00:27:44of the composition lends interest sir to a photographic study. without movement of any kind please sir.

00:27:50thank you very much sir. i think that will do very nicely.

00:28:06is that the general's walking stick?

00:28:07uh yes. may i see it? allow me. careful you see woodward not to touch the handle.

00:28:14we criminologists have our own little ways.

00:28:19yes i shall require a photograph of the walkers stick please. of course my lord.

00:28:22now which were the shoes general fentanyl was wearing on the day of his death?

00:28:26these my lord. have they been cleaned since? not to say clean my lord. i just wiped them

00:28:32over with the duster. they weren't very dirty and somehow i had in the heart. oh well that's

00:28:37very fortunate. fortunate ma'am. fortunate. ah-ha.

00:28:47label it please bunter.

00:28:53i would like to keep this shoe if i may. yes. better wrap it up. paper? yesterday's morning

00:29:00post. it's on the occasional table in the sitting room. i'd like to see the clothes he was wearing

00:29:05on that day if i may. yes. just the outer garments. you know the hammers suit. that sort of thing.

00:29:11have they been brushed? uh no my lord. just shaken out. that's very fortunate.

00:29:18that'll be major fentiman my lord. yeah well never mind. my man will see to him.

00:29:22pray continue with the clothes. yes.

00:29:27who the devil are you? um just wrapping this shoe sir. it is yes to this paper.

00:29:35you see we may get a clue from the dust on the clothing. i mean suppose we found sawdust.

00:29:42then we would know that our man had been visiting a carpenter. deadly for garden.

00:29:46whereas a cobweb might indicate a wine cellar. or even...

00:29:52hello.

00:29:53you don't happen to remember nets in that small tower. no my lord.

00:30:00could have caught it on a nail. so it's comparatively fresh. one would suppose so my lord.

00:30:04one would. and one does.

00:30:08has anything been removed from these clothes? no my lord.

00:30:12the pockets i take it have been emptied. yes. nothing unusual in them? yes.

00:30:17ah robert fentiman i think. we have met. wednesday peter wednesday. i'm a friend of your brother's.

00:30:22i won't keep you one moment. unusual woodward. you're a cool customer.

00:30:26nothing but what the general always took out with him my lord. hangritch of keys.

00:30:31money cigar keys. fountain pen? no my lord. the general did very little writing. his

00:30:36hand wasn't very steady. i was accustomed to write any

00:30:40necessary letters to trace people and so on. any other letters he'd write at his club.

00:30:45just one final question. i'm so sorry. you're absolutely right. infernally cool in me.

00:30:51just barging in here. cross-questioning your man. oh carry on please. thank you so much.

00:30:55now i would like to know exactly when the general left here the morning he died.

00:30:59it's not absolutely clear you see when he arrived at the club. and if...

00:31:04yes? that's a snack you see. didn't he?

00:31:07i'm not sure that i follow you. we don't know what time he left to go to the club because

00:31:13he didn't spend the night at home. the night before he died. he wasn't here at all.

00:31:20go on woodward. well my lord. they telephoned that day from lady dawlers.

00:31:26at three in the afternoon it was. they telephoned to say her ladyship was very ill.

00:31:32and would general fenterman please go at once if he wanted to see her alive? three o'clock?

00:31:36well he'd have been at the club. exactly my lord. and i didn't like to telephone because

00:31:42general was a little hard of hearing and he never responded well to machinery.

00:31:49so i went to the club myself.

00:31:53i gave him the message very careful like breaking it to him gently as you might say to avoid excitement.

00:31:59and what he said he gave it consideration. he said very well woodward. i will go.

00:32:08it is certainly my duty to go. i'll get your coat sir to call a taxi. yes.

00:32:20and he can come with me would you? i don't quite know how long i shall stay there.

00:32:25and that was the last time i saw him alive my lord.

00:32:42the telephone rang about nine o'clock that night. it was a gentleman speaking. is that woodward he

00:32:48said? he asked for you by now? general fenterman wishes me to tell you not to wait up for him as

00:32:54he's staying the night with me. so i said excuse me sir who is that speaking please? mr oliver he said.

00:33:02i'm an old friend of the generals and he's staying the night with me because we have some business to

00:33:07talk over. so i said i hope the general was in good health and not tiring him sir. mr oliver laughed.

00:33:19laughed? oh in a good humored way sir and he said he'd take good care of the general.

00:33:25and i was just about to ask him where he lived when he rang off.

00:33:29there now what do you think of that? odd and most unfortunate.

00:33:34next day they telephoned from the club and said and told me.

00:33:42did the general often stay out at night? never my lord. i can't recollect such a thing.

00:33:48and you'd never heard of this mr oliver? no my lord. his voice wasn't familiar? it's very difficult

00:33:54to say my lord. i thought at the time it might be one of the gentlemen from the club. do you know

00:33:59anything about the fellow fenterman? not a messy. at least i think so. they ran across him in some

00:34:03frightful public dinner sitting near my grandfather. i've seen him lunching you know or at gatties.

00:34:08what's he like? oh tall thin gray hair spectacles you know sort of thing. like all those fellows.

00:34:16thank you. the most helpful description. age? the sixties might be older. you know i've got an idea

00:34:23that he was retired. lived in some suburb. hanged if i can remember which. you know it's on occasions like

00:34:29this. i think there's really quite a lot to be said for women. what? well you see you've met the fella.

00:34:34you've seen him around lunching. he's a friend of your grandfather's. yet you don't know a thing about

00:34:38him. a woman given your opportunities would have discovered his address, occupation, whether he was

00:34:44married, how many children he had with names and sexes, who his favorite author was, what food he liked

00:34:49best in the name of his dentist, tailor and bootmaker. so she would. that's why i've never married. all the same i think

00:34:55i'd try and remember a little bit more about mr oliver if i were you. because it could make a

00:35:00difference of half a million pounds to your fortune. you've looked through your grandfather's address

00:35:04book i take it? yes no good though. then we better go through the london telephone directory. if he rang

00:35:09you here we may assume that he's on the telephone himself. i'll tell you what i'll do. i'll keep having

00:35:15lunch at gatties. well if i've seen there a couple of times i might see him there again. i'll ask the waiters.

00:35:20well i'd keep off the bar de lino. it's abominable. now woodward do you mind if we take your fingerprints?

00:35:26finger prints? good god you're not trying to fasten anything on woodward. look i am not trying to fasten

00:35:30anything on anybody. i want the general's fingerprints to compare with some others that i've got at the

00:35:34club. there's a very excellent set on his walking stick and i want to make sure that they are the

00:35:39generals and not woodward's. or even yours for that matter. so perhaps you wouldn't mind um...

00:35:45what? oh very well. quite a scotland yard touch. how do you do it? i don't do it. not so does it.

00:35:53woodward you are perfectly certain that you've removed nothing from those clothes apart from

00:35:56what you took out of the pocket? positive my lord. how very odd. i'm not sure it isn't the oddest thing

00:36:03about this case. odder even than mr oliver. what's odd about it? oh just a little thing struck me.

00:36:10i expected to find something amongst those clothes which ain't there that's all.

00:36:22it's peter whimsy. but we've nothing to offer him and there's no whiskey. i'd better let him in.

00:36:28george. why has he come? we'd better find out haven't we?

00:36:40whimsy. well i'd say what a surprise.

00:36:42i've just popped in you know in passing.

00:36:45for jolly good of you to penetrate to this ghastly hole. sheila. look who's here.

00:36:50how nice of you to come around lord peter. have you had dinner?

00:36:52yes i have actually. i do sit down. oh thank you. like a whiskey i expect.

00:36:59ah no thanks. lad no i've had a brandy already. never mix the grape and the grain.

00:37:04i i don't think we have any brandy have we george? no damn well we haven't.

00:37:09no really i i don't want any more thank you. notable fire i'm sorry.

00:37:16do wish you'd tell that blasted char of yours to fill the scuttle properly.

00:37:19she doesn't like being spoken to. i'm always afraid she'll give warning.

00:37:23anyway i'm generally gone before she gets here. you don't need to tell whimsy you go out to work.

00:37:26he knows. don't be so silly george. why is it lord peter that men are always so cowardly about

00:37:33speaking to servants. now george. it's a woman's job to speak to servants. well i'm really rather

00:37:40lucky in that respect. i have an extraordinarily faithful and intelligent man who looks after me

00:37:45like a mother. is that the man who takes photographs for you when you're on one of your crime hunts?

00:37:49yes. he's retired into photographic life this evening as a matter of fact. i've more or less

00:37:54been ordered out of the flat. i'm sorry you were driven to seek asylum in our poverty-stricken hovel.

00:38:00you needn't answer that. there is no answer.

00:38:07you are investigating something at the moment?

00:38:11i have been asked to look into this business of your grandfather's death. look into it. that's

00:38:17why i'm here. you make it sound as if surely there's no question of foul play. foul play. oh don't

00:38:27keep getting at me george. you know what i mean. who's getting at you? please. i'm not getting at you.

00:38:32i can't be in company nowadays without her saying i'm getting at her. to look into the time that he died.

00:38:47having one of his bad fits? yes. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. look i i didn't really mean fits.

00:38:58well they are fits. rages. it's a form of epilepsy they think. do they give him anything for it? pills

00:39:05but he doesn't always take them. the old man's death. is that bothering him? the money. ah. well

00:39:14there's not much money i'm afraid. not for him. two thousand pounds. i know it must seem a lot.

00:39:22we've been desperate. when the old man died we thought we'd get something. but

00:39:27they won't pay out until things are settled. debts? too much?

00:39:34three years ago it didn't look as if george would ever be able to hold down a job again.

00:39:39i borrowed 350 pounds to set up a tea shop in kensington. how much do you owe now?

00:39:481500. we had to pay 60 percent interest on the money you see and we got behind.

00:39:57i think the tea shop would have failed anyway even without having to pay the interest.

00:40:00well give me the name of the dress of the people concerned. they won't bother you anymore.

00:40:12you never spoke to lady dormer about this? oh no. george wouldn't have much to do with her.

00:40:19she was so rich you see he didn't want her to think that he was just after her money.

00:40:22and then he didn't like that niece of hers the companion. and all? why not? she's one of those

00:40:30ugly modern chelsea women he says. hardly seems enough. she hates things. green prostitutes he says

00:40:40with no clothes on. i'm not allowed to know her. george says a man can't get a decent job these days with

00:40:47all these hard-faced cigarette smoking females all over the place pretending to be business women.

00:40:54george is rather old-fashioned in some ways. george is a fool but a sick fool.

00:41:03don't worry too much.

00:41:04good-bye. thank you lord peter.

00:41:27as i said before i strongly advise your clients to settle.

00:41:31but she won't settle. the doorland woman won't settle. perhaps she knows something.

00:41:35what can she know that we don't? after all lord peter there are only 37 minutes in question.

00:41:41his sister died at 10 37. and whatever one may think about the rigor mortis passing off so quickly

00:41:47we know that general fedteman didn't arrive in the club until 10 a.m. we know that. but do we?

00:41:52what? we know he usually arrived at 10 a.m. but on the morning of november the 11th

00:41:57nobody actually saw him arrive. there's a new hall porter on duty. they didn't know him.

00:42:02and the cloakroom attendant punter? saw the general's hat and coat on his usual peg but didn't see the

00:42:08general put them there. and most interesting of all the missing poppy. do i follow you?

00:42:15no but you shall. i've seen the clothes that the general was wearing on that day. i've spoken to

00:42:22his man and i know what was and what was not removed from those clothes. and on the morning of armistice

00:42:27day when every member of the bologna club was wearing a poppy, gallant true blue general fentiman

00:42:33was not. though he had walked to the club through streets filled with patriotic poppy sellers.

00:42:39don't you find that interesting? it seems that he spent the night before his death in the company

00:42:44of an old friend, a mr oliver. but nobody knows, you see merbles, where the mysterious mr oliver lives

00:42:52or what he looks like. so i think we'd better find him. don't you?

00:43:02but my dear lord peter there are only 37 minutes in question. his sister died at 10 37. the general

00:43:09arrived at the club at 10 a.m. then why no poppy in his lapel? it was armistice day. everyone else in

00:43:15the club on that morning was wearing a poppy. everyone. except gallant old true blue general fentiman.

00:43:22and there are other interesting matters. examining the clothing he was wearing on that day, do you

00:43:26know what i found? a small tear in the trousers, a piece of pile from a carpet caught in one of the

00:43:32shoes and varnish on the shoe itself. which incidentally i'm having analyzed. you may have to pay.

00:43:38and then in a blotter in the library at the club, not in the general's rooms, mark you, i found this

00:43:44piece of paper with some figures written on it and a rather shaky hand. now i have examined the figures in

00:43:51the general's checkbook. yes it's his writing. exactly. now we know he went from his sister's

00:43:57sickbed to dr penberthy. dr penberthy examined him, found him over excited and told him to go

00:44:02home to bed. but he didn't go home to bed. i've advertised to see if we can find a taxi driver who

00:44:07took him to wherever he did go. because from the moment he left penberthy until 9 pm when the

00:44:12mysterious mr oliver telephoned with no idea where he was. well he might have gone straight to

00:44:16oliver i suppose. but he might. but in that case why not tell his ma'am that he wouldn't be back to

00:44:20dinner. as for the poppy, if oliver had driven them straight to the club then he wouldn't have

00:44:26been able to buy one. oh i absolutely agree. very obliging fellow you know is our mr oliver.

00:44:33he meets old fentiman accidentally. it's not clear how. then he takes him back so it would appear to

00:44:38spend the night at harrow, croydon, wimbledon, hampton wick. we don't know where. then he drives into his club in the

00:44:45morning just in time for the old boy to die peacefully of a heart attack in his most comfortable

00:44:50armchair by the fire. what are you suggesting lord peter? what i said before. i strongly advise your

00:44:56clients to settle. but she won't settle. the dorland woman won't settle. then i suggest that we find mr

00:45:02oliver. and one way of doing that oddly enough may be through miss anne dorland because unless she knows

00:45:07something it is very hard to understand why she is so absolutely determined not to agree to a settlement.

00:45:12why should i see him? no reason miss dorland unless you want to see him. then i shan't see him. mason

00:45:19told all peter whimsy i don't want to see him. i'm not at home. very good miss. wait.

00:45:29he won't think it odd. ungracious perhaps. what's gracious has got to do with it? this is 1922. i don't

00:45:35have to be gracious. he is a gentleman not a person. even in 1922 there are forms of politeness. all

00:45:41right you do it. you're my solicitor. that's your business isn't it? my dear miss dorland if you could

00:45:47contrive not to be quite so liberated at least until you have the money. oh very well. i'll write a note

00:45:57presenting your compliments and regretting that you're not able to grant him an interview. i don't see that

00:46:03that's any more polite than not at home. if lord peter has come to visit as the representative of

00:46:09major robert and captain george fentiman. you know he has. miss dorland requests that he will address

00:46:15himself to mr pritchard solicitor of lincoln's inn who acts on her behalf. anyway why should you see him?

00:46:25he's not a policeman. nobody has to see him. oh i think somebody ought to see him. it wouldn't do for

00:46:30him to imagine that there was anything wrong. i'll tell you that some bloody little man keeps following

00:46:36me all the time. does he? why should he do that? how should i know? he's just there that's all.

00:46:42every time i look. is he? that's a bit inconvenient. don't want that kind of thing. you don't believe me

00:46:49robert. just say so. of course i believe you. why shouldn't i believe you? then stop humoring me.

00:46:56more coffee robert. oh thanks. oh sorry. i may get a little nerdy from time to time but i'm not quite

00:47:02off my rocker you know. if i tell you someone's following me then someone is following me.

00:47:07sugar? no thank you for god's sake stop behaving as if i weren't here.

00:47:12of course you're here george. thought about that. if you have some more coffee it's very good.

00:47:21treat me like a child for both of you. not sir. if you will go on talking about the little green

00:47:27men following you about. i didn't say green and i didn't say men. one man robert following me. where?

00:47:35i've been looking for a job. again. place in great portland street been advertising.

00:47:46selling cars. sheila hasn't been well. look if you're really stony broke we could get an advance

00:47:52from murbles. they can't have you making yourself ill my dear. george exaggerate. i do not exaggerate.

00:47:57steady on. i'm sorry but i do not exaggerate. sheila has been ill. you've been having headaches

00:48:02haven't you. you're not the only one in this family who has headaches. george thinks this man

00:48:09is following him and it upsets him. i know this man is following me. it was the table behind me in

00:48:15the abc when i had lunch. he was there at the showrooms pretending to look at a bentley. a bentley.

00:48:20the man wears paper collars. he's hardly respectable. he has tortoiseshell glasses robert

00:48:26and a small clipped mustache. and a very blue chin. and every time i look at him he turns away.

00:48:36well it's about this gentleman business.

00:48:42we're not alone. i prefer my clerk to be present at an interview of this sort. of what sort?

00:48:47my move eh? we'll have to wait for it.

00:48:56do you mind if i smoke?

00:49:00would you have one yourself? thank you no. i never smoke in business hours.

00:49:03very proper. much more impressive. puts the wind up the client's what?

00:49:12thank you.

00:49:12so. your client won't see us.

00:49:24can you think of any reason why she should? establish the truth perhaps. next to the good

00:49:30and the beautiful the truth is always said to be a proper object of service.

00:49:32you've been making a few inquiries of your own i believe.

00:49:39useful to pool our information wouldn't you say?

00:49:41no. i shouldn't say that.

00:49:44well i just thought i'd let you know it's liable to be a closish thing.

00:49:47very difficult to say to a minute or say don't you know exactly when the old man died.

00:49:51could turn out one way could turn out the other.

00:49:53could turn out to be absolutely baffling and all that. you get me?

00:49:56indeed. oh yes absolutely. so don't you think it'd be rather a good idea if the

00:50:02party's concern could be persuaded to come to terms? split the doings? share the proceeds?

00:50:07half a million pounds is a goodish sum of money after all.

00:50:10quite enough for three people to share and all live on in a quiet way. and it would save so much

00:50:16trouble in well lawyers fees and things. you don't agree? well now i wonder why?

00:50:24perhaps because i've been expecting such a suggestion. well exactly as carmen says.

00:50:30mr merbles has already suggested something of the sort i believe. yes he has. and the

00:50:34reiteration of his proposal by you lord peter leads me to believe that we are right to refuse it.

00:50:40you will excuse me. i hope if i inform you that you're doing so after having been employed to

00:50:46investigate the facts in the interests of the other party it might be thought to have a highly

00:50:51undesirable construction. what an acid man you are mr pritchard. no reverence no faith. do lawyers

00:50:59ever go to heaven? but you will excuse me i hope if i inform you that i am not employed by anyone.

00:51:07i have been asked to ascertain the facts. i do it for friendship. as it happens the facts are rather

00:51:13difficult to ascertain. but friendship knows no bounds. however i have learned one important thing

00:51:21from you today. i am obliged to you for your service. good day to you. good day to you lord peter.

00:51:29oh by the way have you heard anything of mr oliver recently?

00:51:34i don't think i quite understand you. there are times mr pritchard when i hardly understand myself.

00:51:43toodle though.

00:51:48you had better get me miss dorland on the telephone.

00:51:54oliver? he clearly thought it important. thank you. goodbye.

00:52:04langham 0929 please. thank you. hello it's anne. yes i know but i can telephone can't i?

00:52:26it doesn't only harm to speak to you on the phone.

00:52:28but walter i get so lonely. they'd sawn the body up rather perfunctorally. six pieces in all. head,

00:52:36arms, legs, trunk. wrapped it in the northern echo and dispatched it sheffield to euston in a crate

00:52:42labeled york ham. well he was an actor. unkind joke. and a very silly one. yes it all points to

00:52:52someone in the same profession. yeah now wait a moment you you said that they'd sawn him up. well

00:52:56i'm fairly sure it was they. thank you. in fact i'm fairly sure which they it was. but proving it may

00:53:03be a bit more difficult. it's been running me off my feet recently. i don't mind telling you. then

00:53:07i'm in your debt old parker bird. for what? pestering you to trace a telephone call when you're so busy.

00:53:13oh well scotland yard does have its uses. let's see. it was 9 13 in fact not 9 pm from charingcross

00:53:22station. damn. what are those public boxes? unfortunately public boxes are disastrously

00:53:28private. you can telephone from an hotel or a public house. we might have found someone who'd recognize

00:53:33him. still it's something. i'm uncommonly grateful to you charles. you're disappointed?

00:53:39knock on jolly. a little miffed. it would have made matters too easy if our mr oliver had been

00:53:45telephoning from a villa in servitude. is this anything in my line of country? i'm not sure. yet.

00:53:52explain. well it's not criminal. not yet. i have been asked to find out when a man died of natural causes.

00:54:00a man died of natural causes. but it's beginning to look more interesting every day.

00:54:13a man died of utter Islam. i have been asked to find out when a woman was about her.

00:54:26a man died of human beings.

00:54:27a woman died ofsåtta.

00:54:28a man died of 199.

00:54:30a woman died of an innocent white manมา.

00:54:33a man died of a female woman.

00:54:36a man wily had been shaped.

00:54:38ah this is mr. Hinkins a taxi driver. I'm glad to meet you mr. Hinkins.

00:55:08to do with your advert sir. He appears to have collected the general from Dr. Pendleton's rooms.

00:55:14Ah it's Pendleton's Pendleton's. Yes that's right sir a very old gentleman he was took my taxi at

00:55:19approximately 5 30 at 43 Arley Street. I remember the day very well it remains in my memory being

00:55:26as it was precisely the day before armistice day November the 10th it was and shortly afterwards

00:55:32my Magneto commenced to give trouble the consequence being that I lost the use of my cab on armistice

00:55:39day itself which was a considerable loss armistice day being not merely a sad occasion but a good

00:55:44day for us. Well naturally naturally go sit down sit down sit down. And you then drove him to?

00:55:51Not where he asked. No? Well eventually of course I didn't set him down at the destination but it

00:55:58was not where he asked to go at first. 27 Dover Street he said. He was going home then? He never

00:56:05went. Just as we was coming out into Cavendish Square he sees this gentleman passing on the

00:56:12pavement. Stop he says. Oh and commences waving his hand. The upshot being that the gentleman joins

00:56:18him in the cab whereupon drive round Regent's Park says the old gentleman round and round till I tell

00:56:24you to stop. Describe this other gentleman. Tallish sir. Fairish. 30ish as to age. Suit. Grayish. Overcoat.

00:56:36Darkish. And he had this butler coloured moustache. Good quality New Zealand. George. What?

00:56:44George. George. His name. Because after we'd gone twice round the park with me driving particularly

00:56:50careful so as not to interrupt the conversation put me down at Gloucester gates says the younger

00:56:55gentleman and when I does so the old gentleman calls out after him goodbye George bear in mind

00:57:01what I've said. Then where did you take him if not back to his flat in Dover Street? Bologna club sir.

00:57:07Piccadilly. What time? I'm getting on for half past six.

00:57:12Thank you Mr. Hinkins. You have been most helpful. Oh yes yes indeed. Thank you very much Mr.

00:57:18There you are. Oh thank you sir. Did the old gentleman seem at all upset when speaking to

00:57:24this this George? No sir I wouldn't say that. Not agitated sir by no means. Thank you Mr.

00:57:31Hinkins. This way. Sharpie sir. You might say Sharpie. Sharpie in his manner. What you

00:57:41might call telling him off sir. Thank you Mr Hinkins. The Bologna club. Well we've

00:57:52learnt one thing at any rate. You remember that piece of paper I showed you with some

00:57:57figures written on it. In general Fenneman's writing yes sir. You found it concealed in the

00:58:02plot of that. Not concealed. No no no I never said concealed. I found it in the library of

00:58:07the Bologna club tucked away in a blotter. As if. As if what? Well as if someone hadn't finished

00:58:15with it. R 150,000. G 300,000. And then some smaller amounts with initials. Lady Dormer had

00:58:30told him that afternoon about her will. He was trying to decide how to dispose of the

00:58:34money. He knew that she was dying but he didn't know that he was. So he must have met Mr.

00:58:41Oliver at the club. Accidentally because he didn't intend to. He had no intention of going

00:58:45to the Bologna club when he left Timothy. And yet Oliver ain't a member. Not by that name

00:58:52at any rate. Interesting. George. Hmm? It must have been George. What tallish? Butter

00:59:00color of all is clearly George. He uh he hasn't mentioned it. The taxi ride? Hmm? No. Now that's

00:59:12interesting too. Anne. Hello Marjorie. I've been walking about. My dear I see you have. I thought I'd look in. But of course.

00:59:36What a lovely surprise. I was saying the other day to one of the crowd I was saying... I

00:59:47don't think they remembered who I was. I was saying we haven't seen you lately. You

00:59:51haven't been to any of the um places. You weren't at Naomi's party. She's taken up

00:59:57glands you know. I've been staying. Working? How lovely. I'll make some tea. I didn't come to be

01:00:13fair. I just wanted to talk to someone. Oh. I've not been working. Oh? I've been reading

01:00:22detective stories. Oh. I don't know why I came. For company. I get tired of being

01:00:32alone. It's not as if we were friends. I was nearby you see. I saw the boat.

01:00:41Dear Anne. Do sit down now you have come. You really don't need a reason for dropping in. You know that.

01:00:48Marjorie Phelps. Amateur Potter. That's me. I loathe working and I love

01:00:52interruptions. Yes.

01:01:00Is it your aunt's death? I didn't know you were close. We weren't. It isn't. Ah.

01:01:10Do you remember that time I got involved with... Andrews? Everyone in the crowd had to be

01:01:16involved with him sooner or later. I didn't know that at the time. I was an

01:01:20easy conquest very ignorant. Innocent. Ambrose said I didn't know my way around.

01:01:26Everyone knew about him he said and not knowing was my fault.

01:01:30Anyway he'd given me pleasure he said so I ought to be grateful to him instead of nagging at him.

01:01:35Yes I remember. You were kind to me then. I remember coming to you and crying a lot.

01:01:40Oh my dear. Everyone in our set comes to me and cries a lot. I wasn't particularly kind.

01:01:45I thought so.

01:01:47Because I'm not really in your set.

01:01:50Not really one of the crowd.

01:01:54It's happened again then.

01:01:56Not with Ambrose.

01:01:58Oh no no that's well over.

01:02:00And you couldn't exactly say it happened again. I mean I haven't been given pleasure.

01:02:04Or not in that sense.

01:02:06Who's that?

01:02:08Oh it's a friend of mine.

01:02:10A sort of friend.

01:02:11He's a lord as a matter of fact though you couldn't call him grand.

01:02:14I made it as a present. Peter Whimsey.

01:02:17A friend?

01:02:19You could call it a rather on and off arrangement.

01:02:22And my dear there's pleasure.

01:02:25I'm sorry I interrupted you. I won't stay for tea.

01:02:28Oh dear.

01:02:38Mr. Oliver my lord. No my lord.

01:02:41You seem very certain.

01:02:43Oh I am my lord.

01:02:45I have consulted our reservation list over the last six months and questioned the staff.

01:02:50You amaze me.

01:02:52Oh my lord.

01:02:53What's all this about?

01:02:55Hmm?

01:02:56Oh mysterious Mr. Oliver who's been sent to lunch here.

01:02:59Oliver?

01:03:00But not recently it seems.

01:03:02You know I only get 90 minutes for lunch.

01:03:05Barbarous arrangement isn't it?

01:03:07Don't tell me you're regretting your new job already.

01:03:10Captain Fentiman will have the muscles and socialize.

01:03:12Moule.

01:03:14Someone else has been making inquiries about Mr. Oliver I take it?

01:03:18Major Robert Fentiman my lord.

01:03:20Robert?

01:03:21Described him did he?

01:03:22An old gentleman my lord with grey hair and spectacles.

01:03:27Well exact as far as it goes.

01:03:30Not particularly helpful.

01:03:32If he'd been lunching here under an assumed name you would have had a bit of difficulty tracking him down.

01:03:36What?

01:03:37And to follow les moves my lord.

01:03:40Oh something simple.

01:03:42Share a Chateaubriand George.

01:03:43Yes.

01:03:44Delighted.

01:03:45Rare?

01:03:47With a green salad.

01:03:48And a bottle of Chablis Veyon 21 with the muscles.

01:03:50Chateau Margaux with steak.

01:03:51Excellent.

01:03:52Merci my lord.

01:03:53Merci.

01:03:54I drove Peter.

01:03:55You do a fellow well.

01:03:57When I want some information yes.

01:03:59What information?

01:04:00What did your grandfather have to say to you in the taxi on the afternoon of November the 10th driving around Regent's Park?

01:04:07Out to lunch sir.

01:04:09Well his lordship usually does lunch at about this hour.

01:04:13No sir.

01:04:14There's a small matter engaging my attention in the dark room but there's nothing to spoil.

01:04:19I will get a pencil sir and write this down carefully as you suggest.

01:04:32Yes sir.

01:04:33Oh all about the purity and courage of a good woman and how he'd cut me out of his will if I didn't reform my domestic behaviour.

01:04:38Silly old man.

01:04:39Anyone would think I was carrying on with another woman.

01:04:43I know I row with Sheila sometimes but I don't mean half I say.

01:04:46I'm very fond of her really.

01:04:48I bought her some flowers this morning.

01:04:50Friesers.

01:04:51I thought they looked rather jolly.

01:04:52I've got them back at the showrooms.

01:04:54He cut you out of his will.

01:04:56Did he say that in the taxi?

01:04:58He shouldn't think he meant it.

01:05:00But he knew about the money Leda Dorma was leaving him.

01:05:02Well if he did he didn't say so.

01:05:04He never mentioned it?

01:05:05No not a word.

01:05:06Don't imagine he knew about it.

01:05:08Oh he knew.

01:05:10At least I'm pretty sure he knew.

01:05:13Did he?

01:05:14That probably explains it then.

01:05:15I thought he was just being pompous.

01:05:17If he knew he had half a million to leave no wonder he kept on rubbing it in.

01:05:21About how I didn't appreciate a good woman's love.

01:05:23How I ought to cherish her.

01:05:25What good would cherishing be to a woman like Sheila?

01:05:27She'd think I was sickening for something.

01:05:29I'm surprised he didn't mention it.

01:05:33I'm not.

01:05:34I should think he was turning over in his mind.

01:05:36But it wouldn't do better to leave my share to Sheila.

01:05:38Just as well he popped off when he did.

01:05:40Kind of cut me off with a shilling.

01:05:44You've got soup on your mustache.

01:05:46Major Robert Fentiman my lord in a state of high excitement.

01:05:48Yes?

01:05:49It appears that he'd seen Mr. Oliver at Charing Cross.

01:05:52Charing Cross?

01:05:53The station.

01:05:54There seems to be a haunt of Mr. Oliver's.

01:05:56Major Fentiman was in the process of returning home to Richmond via Waterloo Junction

01:06:01when he observed Mr. Oliver at the barrier.

01:06:04He tore after him my lord but some people got in the way and Mr. Oliver bolted.

01:06:09Bolted?

01:06:10Bolted onto a train to Gravesend.

01:06:12That hardly seems the action of an innocent man.

01:06:15Major Fentiman was left on the platform cursing.

01:06:18The mind boggles.

01:06:20However he abandoned his journey to Richmond and took the next train in the same direction

01:06:23hoping to spot Mr. Oliver on some platform.

01:06:26In this he failed.

01:06:27Gravesend?

01:06:28I mean it could be anywhere.

01:06:29New Cross?

01:06:30Blackheath?

01:06:31Even Beckham my lord.

01:06:33I think the best thing that we can do, Bunter, is to put Major Fentiman to work.

01:06:37There's very little to do in the regular army these days.

01:06:40He ought to be able to find time.

01:06:42We shall send him to Charing Cross, Bunter.

01:06:45And there he shall watch out for Mr. Oliver.

01:06:47And we must have someone else there to help him to follow Mr. Oliver when Major Fentiman points him out.

01:06:52What do you think about that?

01:06:53Not, er...

01:06:54Oh no, no, not you old lad.

01:06:56You're far too valuable where you are.

01:06:58Some professional Johnny.

01:06:59A private detective.

01:07:00To make a change from divorce, hire me somebody.

01:07:03Very good, my lord.

01:07:04I don't often prophesy, Bunter.

01:07:07But I intend to do so now.

01:07:09Indeed, my lord.

01:07:11My crystal ball, Bunter.

01:07:14I see Mr. Oliver.

01:07:17I see him taking a journey in which he will cross water.

01:07:23I see trouble, Bunter.

01:07:26I see the ace of spades.

01:07:30Upside down.

01:07:33Oh, thank you.

01:07:35That's all right.

01:07:38Ah.

01:07:43I must say I feel like a fool.

01:07:45I don't know, sir. You get used to it.

01:07:46What?

01:07:47I don't think we shall find him. I'm sure we shall.

01:07:49You'll never know your luck.

01:07:50I shall tell Wimsy, sir, as well.

01:07:51It's a waste of time and money.

01:07:52You're not complaining.

01:07:53Of course, you're getting paid for it, sir.

01:07:54That's right, sir.

01:07:56At least we can wait at the times he's most likely to be here.

01:08:00Going to the office in the morning, getting home in the evening.

01:08:02Say, an hour at ten, an hour at five.

01:08:05As it is, I'm not getting any lunch in the arm.

01:08:07He's going to pot.

01:08:08I understood Mr. Oliver retired, sir, for business life.

01:08:10What?

01:08:11Oh, that's right, yes, yes.

01:08:13These things must be five years old at least.

01:08:16The whole thing's a wild goose chase.

01:08:19Haven't you hoped to spot a fellow on Charing Cross Station?

01:08:21As I understand it, sir, you already have.

01:08:23Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:08:26Oh.

01:08:40From Charing Cross, my lord, for the detective.

01:08:50Oh, thank you, Gunter.

01:08:51Hello.

01:08:52Am I speaking to his lordship in person?

01:08:55Very good, my lord.

01:08:56One likes to be certain.

01:08:58I have to report, my lord, that Major Fentiman is in full crime.

01:09:02Your metaphor, I take it, is drawn from the hounds.

01:09:05Wither.

01:09:07Wither, my lord?

01:09:09Wither, old lad.

01:09:12Wither away.

01:09:13Oh, Southampton, my lord.

01:09:16I'll make my report in due form, my lord, if I may.

01:09:20Being obliged, by the purposes of nature,

01:09:23to leave Major Fentiman alone for 12 minutes 30 seconds precisely

01:09:27in the waiting room at Charing Cross Station.

01:09:30Left alone for the purposes of nature.

01:09:33As instructed, my lord, his purposes of nature

01:09:35have been more frequent than is natural.

01:09:37Excellent, Gunter.

01:09:39I'm so sorry.

01:09:40Do go on.

01:09:41Thank you, my grace, lord.

01:09:44I was then handed a note by the ticket collector.

01:09:47Major Fentiman informed me that he'd observed Mr. Oliver entering a taxi

01:09:51and he was following in another taxi.

01:09:53At the end of 20 minutes, I receive a further message by telephone from Waterloo

01:09:57to the effect that Mr. Oliver had boarded the Southampton train.

01:10:01And Major Fentiman?

01:10:02Was following, my lord.

01:10:03And our second man?

01:10:05Following Major Fentiman, my lord.

01:10:07Stout fellow.

01:10:09You've done well.

01:10:10Keep it up.

01:10:13Southampton, Bunter.

01:10:14A journey across water, my lord.

01:10:17The crystal never lies, Bunter.

01:10:19Oh, excuse me, sir.

01:10:20I'm sorry.

01:10:21Just running into Sarampton docks.

01:10:22You've got me luggage.

01:10:23Yeah, no, I haven't, no.

01:10:24Oh, excuse me, sir.

01:10:25I'm sorry.

01:10:26Just running into Sarampton docks.

01:10:27You've got me luggage.

01:10:28Yeah, no, I haven't, no.

01:10:45Oh, excuse me, sir.

01:10:46We're just running into Sarampton docks.

01:10:48You've got me luggage.

01:10:49Yeah, no, I haven't, no.

01:10:57No, it's not, no.

01:11:15Oh, allow me the other.

01:11:17Oh, I ain't gonna go.

01:11:23I ain't gonna go.

01:11:25I'm sorry, sir, I'm afraid to get out down the corridor.

01:11:32Excuse me, Mr. Oliver, I think.

01:11:39No, I don't think so.

01:11:41Oh, just a minute.

01:11:43Excuse me, my lord.

01:11:48Just a minute, sir.

01:11:50Excuse me, madam.

01:11:56I said, excuse me.

01:11:58Yes, yes, I heard you. You clearly made a mistake.

01:12:00Porter.

01:12:01My name is Fentiman.

01:12:03You knew my grandfather, General Fentiman.

01:12:06I'm sorry to interrupt.

01:12:07Have you seen a small boy in a green school camp?

01:12:09I'm sorry, no.

01:12:11What I want to know is where my grandfather spent the night of November the 10th.

01:12:16He was wearing a luggage label with his name on it.

01:12:18Madam, I'm sorry.

01:12:19Sir, excuse me.

01:12:20Porter.

01:12:21Now, wait a minute, sir.

01:12:22I have a...

01:12:23Excuse me, madam.

01:12:24Sorry, I...

01:12:25Porter.

01:12:26You.

01:12:27Forgive me, please.

01:12:28I'm sorry.

01:12:31Sir!

01:12:36You are Oliver.

01:12:37I am Fentiman.

01:12:38I am not Oliver.

01:12:39I do not know who Oliver is.

01:12:41I do not know who you are.

01:12:43And I do not desire to know.

01:12:45I have a great deal of luggage in the van.

01:12:47And I wish to find a porter.

01:12:48I say it's stupid.

01:12:53Now, look here.

01:12:54Don't think that you can get away.

01:12:56Take your hand from my arm.

01:12:57Not until you give me a proper answer to my question, dammit.

01:12:59I didn't follow you all the way to Southampton to be shrugged off like some damn beggar in the street.

01:13:03Help!

01:13:04Help!

01:13:05This man's assaulting me.

01:13:06Help!

01:13:07Porter!

01:13:08Guard!

01:13:09Help!

01:13:10Help!

01:13:11This man's assaulting me.

01:13:12Help!

01:13:13Help!

01:13:14He was wearing a luggage label with his name on it.

01:13:15What is all this?

01:13:16In the end, he served me his passport.

01:13:18Uh, Mr. Posslethwaite, I understand, lived in coup.

01:13:22Say, when?

01:13:23When?

01:13:24Now, I must say, I felt a fool.

01:13:26Yeah, but he was, Oliver.

01:13:27I could have sworn it.

01:13:28Oh, I believe you.

01:13:29What?

01:13:30If he did well, Oliver, and he were going awfully out of broad with a forged passport,

01:13:33he must have had something pretty important to hide.

01:13:36Good God!

01:13:37You don't think there's anything funny about Grandfather's death?

01:13:39Oh, there must be something pretty funny about Mr. Oliver,

01:13:41when you bear in mind that he disappeared from Gatties almost immediately after your Grandfather's death,

01:13:45and now he seems hell-bent on leaving the country.

01:13:48But hang it all!

01:13:49What could he have to do with the old man's death?

01:13:50Well, I don't know, but I think we ought to try and find out.

01:13:52How?

01:13:53Apply for an exhumation order.

01:13:56Dig him up.

01:13:57That's a bit disrespectful, isn't it?

01:13:59Well, he is dead, Fentiman, and there was no post-mortem, you know.

01:14:03Oh, Pembert, he gave a certificate.

01:14:04Because at that time there was no reason to suspect there was anything wrong?

01:14:07Not a reason.

01:14:08No.

01:14:09Well, there are some peculiar circumstances, to say the least.

01:14:11Peculiar?

01:14:12The contents of the viscera might give us a clue as to when he died.

01:14:15You mean you can tell when a fella died by looking into his tummy?

01:14:19Not exactly, of course, but one might get an idea.

01:14:22For instance, if we discovered that he'd only that moment swallowed his brekker,

01:14:25it would show that he'd died not long after arriving at the club.

01:14:28I don't like it, whimsy.

01:14:30Why can't we come to some settlement?

01:14:32Because Anne Dornan won't settle.

01:14:35For some reason.

01:14:37I shall ask Merbles to suggest an exhumation to her solicitors.

01:14:42If she's an honest woman, she'll support our application, if not.

01:14:45If they can't dig him up without my permission.

01:14:47Well, if you're an honest man, you'll give it.

01:14:49You have nothing to conceal, I suppose?

01:14:51What?

01:14:52Oh, no, no, of course not.

01:14:53They already suspect us of some sort of dirty work.

01:14:56Your brother's been followed around by someone I suspect of being Pritchard's clerk.

01:15:01They've been making inquiries at the club.

01:15:03They're looking for something, but they don't as yet know what it is.

01:15:07And that is why they won't settle.

01:15:09Now then, do you want to get at the facts or are you just out to collar the cash by hook or by crook?

01:15:17You may as well tell me quite frankly which it is.

01:15:19Well, of course I want the facts.

01:15:21Now come and sit down and I'll dictate the letter of application for you to the Home Office.

01:15:24After all your experience during the war, you oughtn't to be so sensitive about corpses.

01:15:29You and I have seen many things far less seemly than a nice quiet little resurrection in a respectable cemetery.

01:15:36An exhumation?

01:15:38We understand so.

01:15:40On what grounds?

01:15:41We wonder, Dr. Penberthy, if you could think of any.

01:15:44We've been making inquiries ourselves without any conspicuous success.

01:15:50Well, it's very embarrassing.

01:15:52I signed the death certificate.

01:15:54There was no reason to think that it was anything other than a heart failure.

01:15:57His heart was very weak.

01:15:59Embarrassing?

01:16:00It's always embarrassing when one has positively stated the cause of death and somebody wants to dig the body up again.

01:16:10This Mr. Oliver seems a very elusive gentleman.

01:16:13Is he though?

01:16:14Like the Cheshire Cat.

01:16:16Would it altogether surprise you to learn that when I made a few discreet inquiries of Gatties,

01:16:21I discovered that nobody had the slightest recollection of him?

01:16:24Nobody?

01:16:25Nobody.

01:16:26Except...

01:16:27Major Fentiman.

01:16:29You intimate that this Mr. Oliver has no real existence?

01:16:34That's right.

01:16:35But what exactly has Major Fentiman been doing?

01:16:38This is a very distressing business, old Peter.

01:16:41Well, I knew something odd had happened the moment that I pulled the morning post out of the general's hands so easily.

01:16:46Eh?

01:16:47Well, you see, if he died clutching it, rigor mortis would have made the finger so stiff he wouldn't have been able to take it out of his hands.

01:16:55And then there was the knee joint.

01:16:56Don't follow you.

01:16:57Well, it was loose.

01:16:58You see, if during the period of rigor mortis you loosen one of the joints by force, it remains loose. It don't stiffen up again.

01:17:04Which is why in a hospital, if the nurses carelessly let a patient die and stiffen with his knees up, they call on the largest and fattest member of the staff to sit on the corpse's knees and break the joint loose again.

01:17:16It was obvious from the start that the corpse had been tampered with.

01:17:21Did Dr. Pemberthy know?

01:17:23Well, of course, but he wasn't going to make an indiscreet fuss about it.

01:17:26That don't pay for a doctor.

01:17:28He had no doubt about the cause of death.

01:17:30You might have let me know.

01:17:31I warned you not to stir up mud.

01:17:34So you think General Fentiman spent the night at the club?

01:17:37Yes.

01:17:38Dead?

01:17:39Yes.

01:17:40Robert Fentiman spent that night at the club, too.

01:17:45Good God.

01:17:47Well, it's a pretty theory, Peter.

01:17:50But where was the body?

01:17:52I mean, it would have been a little noticeable lying about.

01:17:55In Robert's bedroom?

01:17:56I doubt it.

01:17:57The staircase was in full view of the hall.

01:18:00It would have been too risky carrying a body of it.

01:18:02I think the General's Hatton Cope might have spent the night in Robert's bedroom, but that's about all.

01:18:06Well, where then?

01:18:08Telephone cabinet.

01:18:10You remember that there'd been some complaints about it being labelled out of order?

01:18:17But think of the risk.

01:18:18Well, there was no risk.

01:18:20If anybody had opened the door despite the notice, there was old General Fentiman, who'd gone in and died of fury, had not been able to get his number.

01:18:27I've been back there, as a matter of fact, since, but I've had a look at the telephone box.

01:18:30I thought you were looking rather pleased with yourself.

01:18:36Shall I tell you what you found?

01:18:38I do.

01:18:39Pray do, tell me.

01:18:40A seat inside the cabinet, because the body was found in a sitting position.

01:18:44Quite right.

01:18:46And a scratch, perhaps, on the paintwork where the foot had rested and stiffened in that position.

01:18:51Hmm, very good.

01:18:52I told you I was having the varnish from the shoe analysed.

01:18:55Anything else, Charles?

01:18:56Uh, carpet, perhaps, matching something else from the shoe.

01:19:00Right again.

01:19:02And a projecting nail in the exact right position to cause a small tear in the dead man's trousers.

01:19:08Yeah, I'm at Newhaven.

01:19:09I haven't got much time.

01:19:10The boat's leaving soon.

01:19:11Well, his lordship was dining with guests.

01:19:14Of course, I could summon him.

01:19:15Yeah, no, no, no, don't bother.

01:19:16Just tell him I'm on the trail, Bunter.

01:19:19The trail?

01:19:20Yeah, we found him.

01:19:21Oliver.

01:19:22One final question, gentlemen.

01:19:24How did Robert Fentiman get his grandfather's body out of the telephone cabinet and into

01:19:29the armchair by the fire when the club was full of members?

01:19:33Yes, of course.

01:19:36How very ingenious.

01:19:39Very good, Peter.

01:19:41Am I not to be told?

01:19:43For Armistice Day, two minutes' silence.

01:19:46They'd all have been out on the balcony standing more or less to attention.

01:19:49What a terrible thing.

01:19:51What an abominable action at a time of national mourning.

01:19:56When I got back to Charing Cross, he wasn't there.

01:19:58This detective, Johnny, I mean, he'd left me this message saying he'd found definite traces of Oliver and was following him to Paris.

01:20:04Asked me to come on afterwards to make the identification.

01:20:07So, of course, I'm going.

01:20:08Now, just tell his lordship what's happened and I'll cable from Paris.

01:20:11I will inform his lordship, of course.

01:20:14But you must admit Myrtle was coming from a military man.

01:20:17Oh, decidedly ingenious.

01:20:18Yes, I think that would all sense the lord.

01:20:20Besides, yes.

01:20:21But Mr. Oliver doesn't exist.

01:20:33You've just told us that.

01:20:35I've taken the liberty of phoning the detective agency, my lord, and they confirm the truth of Major Fentiman's story.

01:20:41Well, there's an ingenious theory gone whistling down the wind.

01:20:45Well, not necessarily, Peter.

01:20:46It fits the facts.

01:20:47It just means that Mr. Oliver is now your villain and not Robert Fentiman.

01:20:51Well, we must stop the exhumation.

01:20:53Why?

01:20:54Now we know when the general died, Hardison's any point of disturbing his remains.

01:20:59Well, unfortunately, Robert signed the application, so you'll have to get Robert to stop it.

01:21:04And you heard what Punta said.

01:21:06Robert has gone to Paris.

01:21:08So we can't stop it.

01:21:10Peter, you are up to something.

01:21:16I'm afraid it can't be stopped.

01:21:18Apparently Major Robert Fentiman can't be reached.

01:21:21He's abroad.

01:21:22I don't understand.

01:21:23But have you told me I've changed my mind.

01:21:25I'm prepared to settle.

01:21:26It doesn't make any difference, Miss Dorland.

01:21:29They'll dig the old man up in any case.

01:21:40Who's he?

01:21:41Oh, another lamb.

01:21:55Home office, Johnny.

01:21:57I really don't see the point of all this.

01:22:11Because I think I'll do this.

01:22:12I can't do it.

01:22:14This is a beautiful day.

01:22:15Very beautiful.

01:22:16I can't do it.

01:22:17I can't do it.

01:22:18It's a beautiful day.

01:22:19I can't do it.

01:22:21I don't know.

01:22:51Well, cheer up. At least it ain't raining.

01:22:56How long do you say you've been buried? Three weeks? Four?

01:23:19Let me look it. Would you wait outside? Now where did I put my...

01:23:27Ah, yes. Thank you very much. Thank you.

01:23:34I think I'll go and have a smoke. I'll wait for you outside.

01:23:39Yes, of course.

01:23:41Heart trouble, I think you said. Well, I don't see any unusual appearance. You?

01:23:53No.

01:24:11I think we'd better secure the stomach as it stands.

01:24:27We ought to be able to get a pretty good idea of what you want to know.

01:24:30Decomposition is very little advanced.

01:24:32Pass me that, will you, Mr... That. Thank you.

01:24:45I... I don't think you need me here any longer, Myrbles.

01:24:48My dear fellow, this is not a social occasion. We're here as witnesses.

01:24:53But my clients agreed to settle.

01:24:58Rather too late, I fear.

01:24:59You sign this one.

01:25:05By the way, I've been wanting to ask you.

01:25:06Did you discover any explanation of that leg business?

01:25:10I did have an idea about it.

01:25:12You think the body was interfered with?

01:25:15Yes.

01:25:18And so do you.

01:25:20Penworthy.

01:25:23Excuse me.

01:25:26Better have a look at the brain where we're buried, Doctor.

01:25:29Then we shall need your help.

01:25:46All over?

01:25:48Nearly.

01:25:49They found anything?

01:25:51They don't start looking until they get everything back to the laboratory.

01:25:54I don't like it.

01:25:56Well, I... I suppose it had to be done.

01:26:01What's that?

01:26:03Somebody sneezing, I think.

01:26:06There are always people in graveyards, whatever the time of night.

01:26:11Shall I tell you something very interesting, George?

01:26:13Anne Dorland is prepared to settle.

01:26:20Don't you find that interesting?

01:26:21Don't love him.

01:26:29It'd be one of those people again.

01:26:33All over?

01:26:34The key is there.

01:26:35I wouldn't just want this لي.

01:26:38It'll be one of those people.

01:26:38Now.

01:26:39I want this for fun.

01:26:41It's not some people.

01:26:43It'll be one of those people sometimes.

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D.L.S. The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club. (1973) Part 1 of 2.

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