- 6 minutes ago
First broadcast 1st November 1970.
After losing the cross country run to the rival Weaver Street School, 5C decide they will make amends by helping Mr Hedges win his golf match against Weaver Street's Mr Kelp.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh
Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy
Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven
Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable
David Barry - Frankie Abbott
Terence Alexander - Mr. Kelp
Jill Kerman - Penny Wheeler
Linda Cunningham - Pupil with long blonde hair
George Georghiou - Pupil in brown jacket
Kristin Hatfield - Pupil in black dress
Aziz Resham - Pupil running in yellow vest
Gregory Scott - Mr. Wyatt
Suzanne Togni - Pupil in light blue jumper and collar
After losing the cross country run to the rival Weaver Street School, 5C decide they will make amends by helping Mr Hedges win his golf match against Weaver Street's Mr Kelp.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh
Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy
Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven
Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable
David Barry - Frankie Abbott
Terence Alexander - Mr. Kelp
Jill Kerman - Penny Wheeler
Linda Cunningham - Pupil with long blonde hair
George Georghiou - Pupil in brown jacket
Kristin Hatfield - Pupil in black dress
Aziz Resham - Pupil running in yellow vest
Gregory Scott - Mr. Wyatt
Suzanne Togni - Pupil in light blue jumper and collar
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00The End
00:47Aye, aye. If you're time and motion studying me, you've got a one-man strike on your hands.
00:51I'm waiting for the boys to come back from their three-mile cross-country trial, Potter.
00:55Oh, I see. Of course, I did a lot of running in the desert.
00:59Which way?
01:02Please answer that one, sonny boy.
01:04No, no, no, I mean athletics, no.
01:05Oh, yes, Burn, I've done a lot, you know, I've done the marathon, the hundred yards, the five-mile hurdles.
01:11Well, perhaps you'd like to give the boys a pep talk when they come back, Potter.
01:14Maybe even join them in a run later on.
01:15I would, too, you know, if it finally meant beating that Weaver Street school at something.
01:19Yes, well, Weaver Street may be in for a bit of a shock tomorrow, Potter.
01:22All my boys have been showing some pretty remarkable times.
01:43All right, here they come.
01:44Come on, girls, get those timesheets ready.
01:47Look at that, Potter.
01:48Well, they're right, that's fast, isn't it?
01:50Oh, they're a lot of grand bunch of lads, aren't they?
01:52Come on, me lovely lads.
01:53Well, where do you want us then?
01:55I beg your pardon, Maureen.
01:56Why, what have you done?
01:59Come on, lads.
02:00Big finish now.
02:0248, 49, 50.
02:04Come on, lads.
02:05Well done.
02:06Well done, lads.
02:08Good luck, lads.
02:09It's me hot, me hot.
02:11Other side, Abbott.
02:12Oh, yeah.
02:15How are we going in, Chief?
02:16I don't know yet.
02:17Maureen?
02:17I don't know, I didn't stop the watch, did I?
02:19No.
02:20Maureen, get back to the classroom, will you?
02:21Soat yourself.
02:22Oh!
02:24Well, lads, do these sort of times tomorrow, and Weaver Street will probably think you're
02:27power-assisted.
02:28Yeah, quite, quite probably.
02:30And the sum of Aunty Ruby's bread pudding all around, if you win, lads.
02:33Let's get out to Weaver Street.
02:34They couldn't even walk with that lot inside them.
02:36All right, lads, into the showers, and somebody bring a bucket of water to revive Abbott,
02:40will they?
02:40Well, got me second wind, didn't I?
02:42Yes, sir.
02:43Yes, Alice?
02:43You know you said it was all right to spit when you was running and you got savila in your
02:47mouth?
02:47Saliva, yes, saliva.
02:49Well, I did, and I ate a cat.
02:50Oh, it was.
02:51Come on.
02:51Come on, Duffy.
02:52Yeah, be with you in a minute, Chief.
02:55Here, Sharon.
02:56What?
02:56Well, I was going to say, no, don't do that.
02:59Look, you know Brian Cousins, that mate and me brother Monty?
03:03Yeah.
03:03Well, he's got this house in the south of France.
03:06No, no, in Mallorca.
03:07And it's turning empty over the weekly half-term holiday.
03:09Fancy going?
03:10Oh, you and me in Mallorca.
03:14Here.
03:15What did that mean?
03:16Well, where would you sleep?
03:18Well, I ain't kipping in the bath, am I?
03:20Well, I mean, it's co-habitating, isn't it?
03:25Yes.
03:26Well, are you implying now that that side of it won't come into it, or what?
03:30Sharon, I ain't saying that.
03:32What I will say is that it ain't the whole point of going.
03:34Look, we can have a great holiday.
03:36We get on well, don't we?
03:37Yeah.
03:38That's my point.
03:40Look, what would we do about our physical feelings of a night time?
03:44Take it as it comes.
03:46Yeah, what are you worrying about?
03:47Your mother?
03:48No, she wouldn't care.
03:50Look, what if I said yes?
03:52And would you promise not to take advantage?
03:54Look, Sharon, I ain't making any promises I couldn't be sure of keeping.
03:58Well, it's utterly honest of you, Eric, but...
04:01Well, where would I stand afterwards?
04:03Oh, my God, I do reckon you, you know.
04:06All right, I'll come.
04:07Great.
04:08I will.
04:08All I've got to do now is get an affair, ain't I?
04:12And the starts of Fen Street and Weaver Street will provide course marshals here, here, here, and here.
04:18Oh, I don't think the children should walk through that paddling pool.
04:22Wet feet, pneumonia, complaint, complaint.
04:24Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:25That is an inkblot, Morris.
04:27What?
04:28Do you think my rowing cap and blazer, of course, will be an order of starter, monsieur?
04:33Yes, but do stop waving that thing about like Billy the Kid.
04:37Oh, yakida, Pricey.
04:40Eh?
04:40That means goodbye, sir.
04:42Oh, my, but that's a very pretty dress you are wearing, Miss Ewell.
04:46Oh, do you really think so?
04:48Oh, yes.
04:50By the way, you couldn't lend me a couple of pounds, could you?
04:53A typical example of transparent ingratiation.
04:56Oh, no, that wasn't very charitable, Doris.
04:58Uh, what do you want the money for, Pricey?
05:00Oh, thank you, sir.
05:01Well, I want to buy this camera, you see, from this chap I know.
05:03A bargain, it is.
05:05Duffy tried to sell it to me, too.
05:07Doris, you could tear a man's lining like that.
05:10I will not have Fenstreet turned into a quasi-Arab bazaar.
05:17Smithy, that wasn't a very nice thing to do to Miss Ewell.
05:19You can't, Pricey.
05:27I'll see you later at the furniture shop, darling, OK?
05:30Well, aren't you going to kiss me goodbye, then?
05:32Well, Pricey's looking out of the staff room window, darling.
05:35Well, I'll blow him one, then, too.
05:37Come here.
05:38Oh, you're going to drag me behind the cycle sheds again.
05:40I know you are.
05:41Now, listen, we've got to finalise our furniture and fittings list, darling.
05:45Look, Bernard, if we have to save up for that lot,
05:47we'll be 90 before we're married.
05:50Sweetheart, look, these are just the bare essentials.
05:53We've already got those.
05:54I'll show you.
05:55Ha!
05:56Vulgar devils!
05:58Well, I'll see you later on, darling.
06:01All right?
06:02I like your technique, Michael Caine.
06:06It was never like this at Eton.
06:08See you later.
06:09Bye, darling.
06:12She's a little cracker, she is, Chief.
06:15Yes, I think so, Duffy.
06:17Now, talking of wedding photos, Chief,
06:19want to buy a camera?
06:21Ten quid to you, worth thirty.
06:22Oh, it's very nice, sir, but I can't afford it.
06:24Oh, shame.
06:26Something important.
06:27Something to do with school, is it?
06:28Yeah, sort of.
06:30See, the thing is, I've got the chance of this...
06:33I've got some chance of buying some technical drawing instruments, haven't I?
06:37Really?
06:38What on earth for, Duffy?
06:39Well, Mr Sibley, the careers bloke,
06:42he reckons I might do some evening classes down at Tech.
06:45And he, er, I ain't got the gear, you know, I need a ready.
06:48My word, that really does.
06:51Well, that sort of effort deserves some kind of reward.
06:54Um, here we are, Duffy.
06:56Here's the money.
06:57Oh, great.
06:58Thanks a lot.
06:59Er, no, I don't want a camera, Duffy.
07:00You just consider that a loan.
07:02You pay me back when you can.
07:03All right.
07:04Well, look, if there's anything I can do for you in the meantime...
07:06Well, you make sure we win the cross-country against, er, Weaver Street tomorrow.
07:10Face of Duff will hammer them.
07:11Well, I mean, we know the course, don't we?
07:13Well, you can't rely on them losing their way, Duffy.
07:16I mean, there are marshals all along the course.
07:19Oh, all along the course?
07:20Yes, but that's going to cramp our style, is it?
07:23Oh, no.
07:24Not a bit.
07:25Well.
07:27Morning.
07:28Here, pull up that hat.
07:29We've got a bleeding race this afternoon, haven't we?
07:40Well, hearty cheers.
07:42Yes, cheers.
07:43You know, er, it's a pity, really.
07:45I had hoped you might give us a closer race this year.
07:48Duffy did come fifth.
07:50Still very laudable, too, considering the obvious lack of proper training.
07:54Perhaps it was big match nerves.
07:56Our boys have been doing some very creditable practice times.
07:59Excuse me.
08:00Oh, perhaps they've been catching the bus back.
08:01What?
08:02Oh, did I say something?
08:08Aye, too bloody much.
08:10Come, come.
08:11If you can meet with triumph and disaster, etc., etc.
08:15Well, never mind.
08:16Perhaps one of these days you'll beat us at something,
08:18then it'll be my turn to eat humble pie.
08:20I hope he bloody chalks him.
08:23Well, cheer up, coach.
08:25Your boys were just a bit out of their class, that's all.
08:27There'll be other times.
08:29As a matter of fact, I was wondering...
08:30Now, now, now, now, where have you been hiding yourself?
08:33Now, if you were on the staff at my school,
08:35I'd make sure you were right in the centre of things.
08:38If I was on the staff at your school,
08:40I doubt there'd be much room in the centre of things.
08:43Darling?
08:44Oops.
08:45Do I hear a clangor?
08:46Yes.
08:48You know, I'm thinking of starting golf at our school next term.
08:51Oh, Bernard plays golf, don't you, darling?
08:53Yes.
08:54Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
08:56Really?
08:57We must have a round sometime.
08:58Be careful.
08:59You couldn't leave that to the boys, could you?
09:01Oh, I don't think I'd have to, really.
09:05Now, if you're thinking of learning,
09:07I'd be more than happy to give you a bit of coaching.
09:11Now, look here.
09:13I'll play you golf any time you like, old son.
09:15Saturday?
09:17Fine.
09:17Yes, but it's only what makes it a bit more interesting.
09:19What about a small wager?
09:20Well, I don't know how do you think that's necessary.
09:23Oh, fair enough.
09:26It's the same again, is it?
09:28I have never associated you with retreat, Hedges.
09:31I'm saving up to get married, Smithy.
09:33Never mind that, Bernard.
09:34You're not going to let him get away with that.
09:39Excuse me.
09:41Miss Wager, how matured you in mind?
09:44Oh, say, 30?
09:4530 shillings in time.
09:46Pounds, done.
09:49I apologise for my previous remark, Hedges.
09:53Yes, well, you need somebody to teach him a lesson, right?
09:55You're the one to do it, my love.
09:57Oh, good.
09:58I can't wait to see his face when he has to hand over all that money.
10:01I don't believe in betting.
10:02Neither do I as a rule, but in this case,
10:04it's more of a weapon to put that pipsqueak in his place.
10:10Make it a slow death, won't you, darling?
10:13Yes, I'll string him along a bit, first of all.
10:17Well, that might be a bit tricky, actually.
10:19Why?
10:20Well, I've only played four years ago,
10:22and I wasn't awfully good then.
10:24You fellow of course!
10:28Right, now, here we go.
10:31Now, where's me potter?
10:33There we are.
10:34Now, what does it say?
10:37Tense the muscles of the left side
10:39from the metacarpals to the australicous bone.
10:43Yeah.
10:45Now, relax the corresponding muscles on the right side.
10:49Yeah.
10:51There we are, the right side.
10:53We've got the right gamer here.
10:55Now, cock the head to look at the back of the ball.
10:59That's comfy, yeah?
11:02Now, short, back swing, long follow through.
11:06Ah, hello.
11:08Got a hernia?
11:09No, no, no, lad.
11:10I'm just trying out one or two other finer points for you, you know?
11:13Yeah.
11:14By the way, here are Mr Smith's gloves as promised.
11:16Oh, lovely the bit of craftsmanship there, you know.
11:18Well, it's a Beethan, by the look of it.
11:19Really?
11:20Fancy that.
11:21Yeah, but you're not worried about the match.
11:24Are you?
11:24I'm terrified.
11:26You don't want to rule your land no more.
11:28I'm going to be your cosy.
11:30Caddy.
11:33Look, I can't afford to lose 30 quid, Potter.
11:37Oh, blimey, 30 quid?
11:39It's not taking a land of the slaughter.
11:40Don't know why you're grieving.
11:41You rooked him for ten.
11:43You want to watch yourself, Peter.
11:45Right at me, Peter.
11:46He won't make it right, will he?
11:47He's saving, honey.
11:48Oh, well, I never thought of that.
11:50Still, if he won his golf game...
11:52I believe you, that's about as likely as Smithy winning the Grand National.
11:55Oh, you never know.
11:56I've got a funny feeling this is going to be his lucky afternoon.
12:31series and your boss.
12:32I mean, he doesn't do Caddy,اهна, your parents.
12:38That's it.
12:52He's saving.
13:17I don't know.
13:47Oh
13:55Oh!
14:24I don't know.
15:14I don't know.
15:23Arf! Arf!
15:54Arf!
15:59Arf!
16:00Arf!
16:01Arf!
16:02Arf!
16:03Arf!
16:06Arf!
16:09You heard about the golf then, did you?
16:11Heard? We was there!
16:13We was there when Potter told us about it. Well done, Chief!
16:15Yeah, well done!
16:18Mind you, I must admit, I did have a bit of luck, but...
16:21I did also rather play above myself.
16:25However, we're not here to talk about the golf, are we?
16:28We must get on with the register.
16:30Arf!
16:31Well, I could just tell you about one hole in particular, if you're interested.
16:35Yeah!
16:36All right.
16:38Well, it was a dogleg to the right, about 420 yards, or perhaps 430, I can't quite remember.
16:46Trees are both sides of the fairway, of course, and the green was guarded by bunkers on all sides.
16:52Why did I call them bunkers, sir?
16:54Oh, er, probably historical, Dennis.
16:57Anyway, er, I had a blind shot to the green from, from about here, you see.
17:03I went round a putting green, he's 17 once.
17:05You couldn't have, Abbott, there are 18 holes.
17:08Oh, I got two halves, didn't I?
17:11Yes.
17:11Look, er, so, er, with this blind shot, I decided to play a shot going over the top of the
17:18trees.
17:18Ah!
17:19Yes, yes.
17:20Er, a tricky shot, but, er, worth a try, I thought.
17:23Er, in all modesty, I, I did hit the ball rather well.
17:26Er, although for a time it seemed to me that the ball was going to drop short into the trees
17:31about here.
17:32Ah!
17:32Perhaps they used to keep the coal in them.
17:34What's that, Dennis?
17:36Historical bunkers.
17:38Look, do you want to hear this story or not?
17:39Yeah!
17:40Why you tell it, it's almost as if we was there.
17:43Well, thanks very much, Kevin.
17:44As I said, the ball dropped into the trees, but because I had impartied a bit of topspin onto the
17:49ball,
17:49er, it came out of the trees and onto the green.
17:53Right!
17:55It bounced out the trees because we threw it out.
17:58You gnocchi little bitch.
18:01Threw it out.
18:03What are you talking about?
18:05You don't think you'd have ever won if we hadn't cheated for you all the way round, do you?
18:11Why did you do that, 5C?
18:13Why cheat?
18:14You're getting married, aren't you?
18:16Thirty quid.
18:20Alright, 5C.
18:21Off you go to assembly.
18:28You're gonna do the decent thing again, aren't you, Chief?
18:31There's no glory in dishonesty, Duffy.
18:34I lose the bet by default, so I pay you, Mr Kelp, sixty pounds.
18:38Eh?
18:39Yes.
18:40Oh, blimey.
18:43Yes, what is it, Sharon?
18:44No, I'm not sure this is the time after all that.
18:47Sharon, if you have a problem, it's always the right time to talk about it.
18:52So, what's the trouble?
18:54Well, it's about virginity, actually.
19:00Right, good.
19:03Ah, that's always a good thing to talk about, Sharon, because we've all got that, or, or, oh.
19:10See, Eric's asked me to go to Mallorca with him, and...
19:13Has he? Yes, yes.
19:14Well, he's worked ever so hard to get the money, selling things.
19:18Yes, yes.
19:19But, well, what we were talking about, well, it might crop up.
19:24Well, I think it probably would, Sharon.
19:27See, my mother...
19:29Yeah, that's very good, worrying about your mother, worrying, Sharon.
19:32No!
19:33I just don't want to turn out like her, that's all.
19:35I mean, she's great and that, but, well, when I think of the number of uncles I've had...
19:40Yes, yes.
19:42Now, Sharon, have you talked to Duffy about this?
19:45Now, he's not a dirty boy, I'm sure.
19:48I'm sure he'd understand.
19:50Oh, I know he does.
19:51But, well, it's me as well, you see, because, well, I've always been fairly physical.
19:58Yes, yes, I have noticed that, Sharon.
20:01Um, you see, Sharon, when I was your age, I was much younger than you.
20:06No, what I'm trying to say, of course, is that youngsters nowadays seem to develop much more quickly.
20:14Oh, I was wearing a 34B when I was 13.
20:17Were you?
20:19Well, there you are, you see, I wasn't.
20:23No, no, what I'm saying is that this early development brings problems of its own kind.
20:31All I can say is that you must weigh up the consequences, Sharon.
20:34My mum, you mean?
20:35Yes, for instance, and then weigh up whether the immediate pleasures of sleeping together
20:40are worth more than what could be a much deeper relationship.
20:45Well, I must admit, I would prefer Eric as a formal husband.
20:49Well, there we are, Sharon.
20:50But if you make your bed, you must like, no, no.
20:53I know.
20:55And I feel much better now.
20:57Do you?
20:57Good.
21:01He's now flush a lot.
21:07Well, I mean, I wouldn't mind having concussion if we'd won, but now we've lost the war.
21:11It's beginning to hurt, you know.
21:13You know, Smithy, Kipling was right when he said if you can meet with triumph and disaster...
21:17And treat those two...
21:18And treat those two...
21:18You're sounding like a gramophone record.
21:21Well, I think Hades has honoured the school by honouring his debt.
21:24Quite right.
21:25Oh, dear, we shall have stained glass windows put in here soon.
21:29Morning, everybody.
21:30Oh, hello, Mara Hishy.
21:31You're looking very happy for somebody who just lost 60 quid?
21:34Yes.
21:34Well, that's what I've popped in to tell you.
21:36I haven't.
21:37You mean we're screwing him after all, then?
21:39Oh, the bet's off.
21:40I told Kelp about the cheating.
21:41He said he'd cheated as well, felt on a bound to let the matter rest.
21:46It's a rare and very pleasant thing to see honesty bring its own reward.
21:50Oh, well done, son.
21:51Oh, I borrowed this pen from you in the first day of term and I've never given it back to
21:54you, have I?
21:55No, no, you haven't.
21:56And what is more, I'm not bloody going to.
21:59Well, I don't really mind because it leaks in your pocket.
22:02Eh?
22:04What a filthy trick.
22:12What I'm saying is why did the airline give you a free travel voucher, that's all I'm saying.
22:16Because I'm secretly living with 18 pilots.
22:18No.
22:19We all got one.
22:21Oh, silly size.
22:22Just imagine.
22:23Anywhere in the Mediterranean.
22:25All we've got to pay for would be food and accommodation.
22:28Yes, well...
22:28Oh, not the Magna Carta again.
22:30Well, look, I'll give up my power drill if you give up your sewing machine.
22:35It's as simple as...
22:36Hi, Chief.
22:36Hi, Miss.
22:37Hello.
22:37Hello.
22:38Duffy, this is a public house.
22:40Yeah, well, before I get me lemonade, er, here's your gilp bag.
22:44I was going to use it for a little holiday, weren't I?
22:46Oh, were you?
22:47Oh, well, I didn't know that, Duffy.
22:49See, Eric, like, decided that the pleasures of us doing it were worth less than what could be a deeper
22:58relationship.
23:00Didn't you, Eric?
23:02Yeah, well, that is why I decided.
23:05Virtually.
23:06Anyway, I suppose you two couldn't make use of a free flat in Mallorca?
23:11Oh, burnt!
23:13Oh, for their honeymoon.
23:14How utterly lovely.
23:16No, for the half term.
23:17For the half term.
23:20Hello.
23:24Yes, but we couldn't possibly go, Sharon.
23:29Because we're not married, I'm...
23:32I mean, you'd agree with that, wouldn't you?
23:35I mean, wouldn't you...
23:39Oh!
23:40Oh, no, of course we can't go, Sharon.
23:42It's worth hanging on to, isn't it, Miss?
23:46Good evening.
23:50Well, who do we know who could use a virtually free holiday in Mallorca?
23:54Good evening.
23:56Hello, Miss Yule.
23:57Doris, what are you doing here?
23:58I'm meeting Mr Sibley.
24:00Oh, well, have a drink while you're waiting, will you?
24:02George?
24:03Miss Yule, how would you and Mr Sibley like a free holiday in Mallorca?
24:10Thank you very much.
24:10...
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