- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:01Hold on, General. Here we go again.
00:03On the Dukes of Hazzard,
00:05Loretta Lynn visits Hazzard County,
00:08and everybody gets into her act.
00:11Monkey C, monkey Duke.
00:13I want my autograph, Roscoe.
00:16They took Loretta Lynn.
00:18We got Loretta Lynn.
00:19Would you repeat that?
00:20It's moving!
00:30Just a good old boy
00:36Never meaning no harm
00:40Beats all you've never saw
00:44Been in trouble with the law
00:45Since the day they was born
00:47Straightening the curves
00:50Flatening the hills
00:53Someday the mountain might get them
00:58But the law never will
01:00Making their way
01:03The only way they know how
01:06That's just a little bit more
01:11Than the law will allow
01:12Just a good old boy
01:16Wouldn't change if they could
01:19Fighting the system
01:23Like a two modern-day Robin Hood
01:25Most everybody goes to work
01:31The same way every day
01:32But in Hazzard County
01:33Just getting to work
01:34Is an adventure
01:35Go Duke, will you quit
01:36Horsing around?
01:37I'm late for work
01:38What's a rush, Daisy?
01:40We're still early, ain't we?
01:41Luke, did you forget?
01:42Today's the day
01:43Loretta Lynn's coming
01:44By the boar's nest
01:45Bob wants to turn early
01:49He's got this big old shindig
01:51Plan for Loretta's arrival
01:52Flags, banners
01:53Petas, popcorn
01:55Get your programs
01:56You can't really believe
01:57That Loretta Lynn's
01:58Going to show up
01:58At the boar's nest, can you?
01:59It's just another one
02:00Of boss's scams
02:01The paper said
02:02That you'd be on your way
02:03To the state fair
02:04And you know that
02:04Road's miles
02:05From the boar's nest
02:05Well, I don't know
02:06With all the stuff he's ordered
02:08I'd say there's something
02:08Up to sleep
02:09Yeah, an arm
02:10With an outstretched palm
02:12On the end of the room
02:13Remember what I said
02:16About driving to work
02:17Being an adventure
02:18I'll bet you'll listen
02:21Next time
02:21Daisy
02:30Bud's good for the skin, ain't it?
02:32Well, sure it is, Bo
02:33All fashion-conscious pigs wear
02:35Bubba, you almost killed us
02:37Now just slow down
02:38Cindy's right
02:39Last thing we need
02:40Is running with the law
02:41Just now before we pull the job
02:43Step right up, folks
02:55This is an historic day
02:58In Hazard County
02:59And y'all don't want to miss
03:01One second of it
03:02Miss Loretta Lynn's own private bus
03:05Is going to pass this very spot
03:07And I see there's just a few
03:09Front row seats
03:10In the grandstand left
03:11Over here
03:11And what'll it be, folks?
03:12Front row seats in the stands
03:14For three bucks?
03:15Or a little bitty old cider crate
03:16To stand on for 50 cents?
03:18Ooh, front row seats
03:20Are right over there
03:21Go ahead
03:21Now, about the last thing
03:30Loretta Lynn has planned
03:32Is a stop in Hazard County
03:33But then she ain't never heard
03:38Of Boss Hawk
03:38Who can mess up anybody's plans
03:41Unit 1, are you in position?
03:54Unit 1, are you listening?
03:55Are you in position?
03:57That's a big 10-4, little buddy
03:59Roscoe P. Coltrane here
04:01Come on
04:01Unit 2's in position too, Mr. Hawk
04:03Possible on Gunbush
04:09Miss Loretta's bus just passed
04:10Check for a chain
04:11Oh, good, good
04:12And she's on time too
04:14Unit 1
04:16Put stage 2 of the plan
04:19Into action
04:20That's a roger
04:21I'm gone
04:40Oh, terrific
04:43A detour
04:44Just when we're starting
04:45To throw oil
04:46Take the detour
04:47Maybe you'll find
04:48A truck stop or something
04:49Good work, good work
04:58Good work
04:59A detour?
05:08It's a omen
05:09A what?
05:10A omen
05:11It means we shouldn't do the job
05:12We're gonna get caught
05:13That detour
05:14Leads to hazard squirt
05:16I know
05:16But all our plans
05:18Are set to do the job
05:19On this road
05:19Yeah, but maybe
05:20This is a lucky break
05:22Hazard's even better
05:23They only got two cops
05:24Not many people around
05:26Grab on, Bubba
05:27It won't be long now
05:52Miss Loretta Lynn's bus
05:54Is gonna pay us here
05:55So close
05:56You're gonna be able
05:56To count every one
05:58Of her beautiful eyelashes
06:00Oh, and meanwhile
06:02Watch y'all went down
06:04With a cold beer
06:05At special Loretta Lynn
06:06Day
06:07Pricey
06:08And
06:09I'm gonna treat
06:10The missus
06:11To an official
06:12Loretta Lynn
06:13With
06:13Imported
06:15At great experience
06:16Direct from
06:17Hong Kong
06:18Now, let me show you
06:19Ain't this a thing
06:26Of beauty
06:27Hush, hush
06:30Well, I declare, Boss
06:32I never realized
06:33You were such a looker
06:34And a cute look
06:35You know, Boss
06:36I still ain't got a date
06:37For that church picnic
06:38That ain't funny, dude
06:40And now, you move that car
06:42From over there
06:42I'll have Sheriff Rosecu
06:44Arrest you for littering
06:45On Loretta Lynn Day
06:47Now, Boss
06:47You know dang well
06:48That Loretta Lynn
06:49Ain't coming by here
06:49So would you please
06:50Quit putting the folks off
06:51I knew she was gonna drive by
07:06But I had no idea
07:07She was gonna stop
07:08I'm not sure how they did it
07:10You folks got a garage here
07:16Yeah, I got a garage
07:17But it's uptown
07:18I think we're throwing oil
07:20Huh
07:21Well, I got my tools
07:22In my truck
07:22I can fix it for you
07:23Right here
07:23Y'all give me a hand
07:24Well, you sure think
07:25I wonder if you'd be so kind
07:28Just ask Miss Loretta
07:29If she'd join us
07:31For a cooling refreshment
07:32While she's weak
07:33I'll ask her
07:34Go get a camera, quick
07:37I'm a picture took
07:39With Miss Loretta
07:40Me too
07:41Well, Miss Lynn
07:47All I can say is
07:49My boy's nest
07:51My boy's nest is your boy's nest
07:53Well, thank you, Mr.
07:54Mr.
07:55Hogg, ma'am
07:56Mr. Hogg
07:56J.D. Hogg, ma'am
07:58Mr. J.D. Hogg
07:59Jefferson Davis, Hogg, ma'am
08:01At your service
08:02Sort of looks like you all knew
08:03It was coming
08:04With a detour and all, you know
08:06Yeah, yeah, that's right
08:08That's right
08:08See, when we saw that little detour sign go up
08:12We knew you just might have to pass this way
08:14It's the folks down here
08:16Are real big friends of yours
08:18And they wanted to give you
08:19A right proper welcome
08:21That's right, Miss Lynn
08:21You see, we don't get many celebrities around here
08:23Especially not celebrities like you
08:25Welcome to Hazard County, ma'am
08:26Thank you very much
08:28I want to thank you boys
08:29And you're really polite
08:31And besides that, you're cute, too
08:33This is my road manager, Leona Pace
08:37Oh, I'm very pleased to meet you, Miss Leona
08:39Yes, I'm glad to meet you, too, Mr.
08:41And now, if you ladies will accompany me
08:44We can get shelter from the sun
08:46In the bar's nest
08:47Our famous tavern over yonder
08:49Name's Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane
08:52I'm a whip in this
08:53It's just paying us for a waste
09:02Give me about a nice, sexy taste
09:04Ought to do it
09:05I'll have this thing out of here in no time
09:06Here, you got it
09:09Hey, neighbor
09:17Where'd you get your license?
09:19Mail order?
09:20Well, you ran us off the road this morning
09:21Hey, run along, will you, honey?
09:24I don't want to run along
09:25I'd rather stay here and listen to you say you're sorry
09:28Look, you want to make something out of it?
09:31No, she don't, mister
09:32At least not until you stand up
09:34Come on, Daisy
09:35Get your picture took with Miss Loretta
09:37Uh, you better move your car, stranger
09:39That's the loading zone
09:40Come on, Daisy
09:41Now, you listen to me, farm boy
09:44You looking for trouble like your lady friend here?
09:47How about you and me stepping aside this building?
09:48Hey, mister, I'm just looking after my can
09:50I ain't looking for trouble
09:51But if you've got some, you're handing out
09:53Bubba?
09:55Bubba?
09:56How about taking care of our good friend behind this building here?
09:59Oh, squirt, I don't want to
10:00Bubba?
10:03Bubba?
10:16Now, you really should not do this, friend
10:18You know, you might get yourself hurt
10:20You don't worry about me, King Kong
10:22You just pick the spot you want to land
10:23I really wish you hadn't done that, friend
10:32Lucas?
10:33Oh, come on, Luke, where are you?
10:44We ain't got time to play hide-and-seek
10:45Luke?
10:47Luke?
10:47Wait!
10:48What?
10:50What happened to you?
10:54I ran into them three that side-swiped us this morning
10:56The last thing I remember was taking a swing at this big one
10:59He's about the size of a Mack truck
11:01What'd you hit him with?
11:02Your eye?
11:03Oh, I hope I hurt his hand with my face
11:05Yeah, let's go find the dude
11:07Yeah, I'm dry
11:07Let's go ahead
11:08Morty?
11:13Cut out, cut out
11:14Hey, Miss
11:15Miss Loretta
11:17Cooter and me got your bus all fixed up for you
11:19Hey, that's terrific, fellas
11:21Yes, ma'am
11:22And it is good as need
11:23I really do appreciate that
11:25And as soon as I can get that bus driver of mine
11:26Out of the washroom, we have to be going
11:28Well, Miss Loretta
11:29There ain't no charge on the bus
11:30But I was just wondering if I might
11:31Could have one of your pictures there
11:33Oh, well, certainly
11:34This one here is to Morty
11:35Thanks, ma'am
11:37I want to thank you all for this night
11:53Well, thank you
11:54Miss Loretta, I have a little farewell
11:57Ever since the Hogg family settled in Harrison County
12:01A four score
12:02Thanks very much, Mr. Hogg
12:04But we've really got to be going some other time, okay?
12:06Give a miss
12:07I love everyone out here
12:09Bye-bye
12:10Bye-bye
12:10That's it
12:11Bye-bye
12:13Bye-bye
12:14Bye-bye
12:15Bye-bye
12:15Bye-bye
12:16That's the blue car that was parked in that loading zone
12:31Yes, sir, I told him about it, too.
12:33Well, did you take his last number?
12:35No, sir.
12:36Enos, how are you going to ticket a car if you don't take the last number?
12:40Well, take the last number!
12:42While Roscoe and Enos were entangled in a little hazard bureaucracy,
12:45Miss Loretta was having some serious entanglement of her own.
12:48You just do as you're told, and nobody will get their self hurt.
12:51And now, I'm going to share with you a little memento of the occasion.
13:05The glass Miss Loretta drunk out of.
13:08Right here in the forest nest.
13:13All right, then.
13:14What am I bid for this piece of hazard county history?
13:18Do I have ten bucks?
13:21Ten bucks full of glass?
13:22Quick, get help!
13:23They took Loretta Lynn!
13:26They can't have much of a head start.
13:28Come on.
13:28Yeah.
13:32Somebody's been doing their homework.
13:33Looks like we're just going to have to use Daisy's car.
13:36Let's get her.
13:36Look here, you two!
13:38I want them Loretta knapas in jail by sundown.
13:41You hear?
13:42We'll put you two standing here, boys.
13:44Get moving!
13:44We're going.
13:45Come on, let's go!
13:46Come on, get moving!
13:48I tell you, that's your boys behind this whole thing!
13:50Did you see the way they lead out from here?
13:52Cross, go get moving!
13:54Go on, get in your cars and go get them new boys!
13:57You hear me?
14:00Thunder and Tarnation!
14:02I said get moving!
14:04What's the matter with you, idiot?
14:06Can you see?
14:07You're all changed up!
14:08I said get moving!
14:09I said get moving!
14:10I said get moving!
14:11I said get moving!
14:12I said get moving!
14:13I said get moving!
14:14I said get moving!
14:15I said get moving!
14:16I said get moving!
14:17I said get moving!
14:20Rascal Pete Gultrine!
14:21Your job is in jeopardy!
14:23Well, this time those Duke boys have gone too far!
14:25What a time for them to pull a fool trick!
14:27Maybe it's Halloween!
14:29It's Halloween!
14:30Penis!
14:31You dipstick!
14:32Halloween's in November!
14:34Where's it, October?
14:36You idiots!
14:37The Duke boys are in on this whole kidnapping!
14:40Now you get moving!
14:41I want them boys in jail!
14:43Before the sun hits the hollow!
14:49Well, orders is orders!
14:51Now, while old Roscoe and Enos were solving a basic problem in physics,
15:09Moe and Luke were hard on the chase.
15:11We've gotta be on this road.
15:13Well, you better keep both eyes peeled, because I only got partial use of this one.
15:17Yeah, well, if I put any dings in Daisy's car, I might not be so lucky.
15:22There they are!
15:23Hey, if they get to that junction before we do, we ain't gonna know which road they took.
15:27We just have to cut them off.
15:28Hold on.
15:41Dang, if your boys can't pick some pretty country to chase on.
15:47Hold that haystack around it!
16:01No time for that.
16:07Know something, Luke?
16:08When Daisy sees this car, she ain't only gonna blacken my eye,
16:11but I think she's gonna pull out all my teeth.
16:13And gums.
16:17You don't have to be nervous, Miss Loretta.
16:20We just gotta do what we gotta do.
16:21Well, what is it you gotta do?
16:23Get us some money.
16:24Well, how much do you need? I can give it to you.
16:26Oh, no, Miss Loretta, we couldn't take your money.
16:28That wouldn't be right.
16:29No, no, this is between us and someone else.
16:32As soon as he coughs up, we're gonna let you go.
16:34Well, you know, I've got a show to make.
16:36I know.
16:37And I'm sorry.
16:38Look, while we work this out,
16:40Why don't you go in that little bedroom there and rest yourself up?
16:44That's a good idea.
16:45I'll tell Bubba to drive nice and slow over the bumps so as not to disturb you, huh?
16:50Oh, it's the least we could do, being as we're such fans of yours.
16:53Bye.
17:09I'll tell you what.
17:10You start tangling with a country girl,
17:12and you better have all your smarts working.
17:23And I want every ping and ding taken out of my car
17:36till it's smooth as a frog's tummy, Bo Duke.
17:41Uncle Jesse.
17:42Uncle Jesse, you gotta talk to these fellas.
17:44They go and wreck my car.
17:45Now, baby, just settle down.
17:48The boys got some dents in their own reputation
17:50they gotta get taken care of first.
17:52Boss Hogg's telling everybody you fellas did the kidnapping.
17:55You never should have come back here.
17:56We had to, Uncle Jesse. We had to get some decent wheels.
17:59Bo!
18:00Besides, nobody's gonna think we took Loretta Lynn.
18:03Bo, the way things are going right now,
18:05if we don't find her before Rosquaninas finds us,
18:07you're gonna be saying that from behind bars.
18:09Here, put this on your eye.
18:11Uncle Jesse, what is in that thing?
18:13That there is Grandma Duke's famous recipe.
18:16Boiled hickory leaves, smashed toad liver,
18:18and a scoop of bear grease.
18:20Bear grease.
18:21Toad's liver.
18:23Oh, it's good for the eye.
18:24It's bad for the stomach.
18:25Yeah.
18:26Just hold that thing.
18:27Come on, Bo, let's get trackin'.
18:29Trackin'?
18:30Well, there ain't that many buses in Hazard County.
18:32We oughta be able to find some tire marks.
18:34Here.
18:35Just hold that thing.
18:36Somehow my eye feels a whole lot better.
18:38Let's go.
18:39Let's go.
18:40Let's go.
18:41Let's go.
18:42Let's go.
18:43Them Duke boys have got poor Miss Loretta out there somewhere.
18:51And I want her.
18:52And you'll get her.
18:53No, I won't.
18:54No, you won't.
18:55You get her.
18:56I'll get her.
18:57You better.
18:58Sheriff, I gotta make on that license for motor vehicles.
19:01Let me see that.
19:02I can read.
19:03Belongs to a Will Jason, also known as Squirt.
19:07Lives over in Leadville.
19:09Works in a feed store.
19:11Plays guitar in a church band.
19:13Stands five foot three.
19:15Wait a minute.
19:17That must be the little dude I saw Luke talking to outside the boar's nest.
19:22Luke Duke, huh?
19:23Yes, sir.
19:24Well, good.
19:25There's more evidence we can use to tighten the noose around the Duke's necks.
19:30Now, Mr. Hogg, I don't think Bo and Luke would do something like that.
19:34Enos, just hush.
19:35You're not paid to think.
19:36You're paid to take orders.
19:38Well, what are my orders?
19:40You...
19:41What's his orders?
19:43What are his orders?
19:44What do you think?
19:45Same as yours.
19:46Them orders.
19:47Good done.
19:48Don't you know?
19:49Uh, get rid of Lynn.
19:50And catch them Duke boys.
19:52Yeah, Enos, catch them Duke boys.
19:54Look, you see anything?
19:55Oh, not so much as a possum track.
19:58Well, we've been looking on this dang road for hours.
20:01Yeah.
20:02I got it.
20:03The trouble is, you can be sure he's shooting.
20:05They got her hit away by now.
20:06Probably real good, too.
20:07Well, this old barn just makes a darn good hideout, don't it?
20:10It won't be long now, Miss Lynn.
20:12Squirt's making the call now.
20:14As soon as we get the money, we can set you loose.
20:16Is there anything you want while you're waiting?
20:18You know, some soda pop or some coffee?
20:20How about some grits?
20:21That's right.
20:22We want you to feel at home with us, Miss Lynn.
20:25Home?
20:26You all have been in the smokehouse too long.
20:28Do you know that?
20:29You know, in cases like this, they usually post a reward.
20:33Yeah.
20:34And I mean a big one.
20:35A big reward.
20:36A big reward.
20:37Big, big reward.
20:38So, we got a chance now for a perfect three-corner shot.
20:41Save Miss Loretta, put the Duke boys in jail, and make a bundle to boot.
20:47Come on.
20:48I love it.
20:49I love it.
20:50Yeah, now remember, you just keep quiet about this whole business.
20:54Yeah.
20:55Yeah?
20:56We don't want to have to split that reward with nobody.
21:00Nobody.
21:01Nobody.
21:02Nobody.
21:03Nobody.
21:27Oh, blue dot, any dot's a hardy George.
21:33Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane here.
21:36We got Loretta Lynn.
21:37You do as you're told and she won't get hurt.
21:39Uh.
21:40Yes, sir.
21:41Yes, sir.
21:42And you are not to contact the police.
21:44Uh.
21:45No.
21:46What?
21:47I am the police.
21:48I mean the, I mean the big city police.
21:50Now look, you call up Platter Records up in Nashville.
21:53And you tell them to put $1,136.15 in a sack.
21:57Small bills, too.
21:58And you put that sack in a brown mailbox at the junction of Route 6 and Swift Creek Road.
22:04Uh.
22:05Uh.
22:06Uh.
22:07Would you repeat that?
22:08$1,136.15 in a sack.
22:11Hey, boo.
22:12That car back there, it's in.
22:13Well, hold on, General.
22:14Here we go again.
22:15And remember, don't you call nobody here.
22:16Bye.
22:17Bye.
22:18Bye.
22:19Thanks, sir.
22:20See you next time.
22:21We stop here and we go again.
22:22And remember, don't you call nobody here.
22:23Bye.
22:24Bye.
22:25Bye.
22:26Bye.
22:27Bye.
22:29Bye.
22:31Bye.
22:33Bye.
22:34Bye.
22:36Bye.
22:37Bye.
22:38Bye.
22:40Bye.
22:41Bye.
22:42Bye.
22:43Bye.
22:45Bye.
22:46He is a cracky little sucker, ain't he?
23:01Come on, boy, if you can't run him off, at least cut him off, come on.
23:16You know, sometimes getting through a typical hazard day is tougher than crossing hell on a rotten rail in a snowstorm.
23:23Y'all stick around now.
23:33Buster.
23:34Woo!
23:36I'm telling you, Boat, that's some kind of driving.
23:39Yeah, come on, Will.
23:41Get out of here.
23:43Woo!
23:43I believe I planned it that way.
23:47For sure.
23:49Oh, jeez.
23:50If I had a tan, I'll get you that.
23:52There ain't no air in that spare, either.
23:55Yeah?
23:56Well, you're on.
23:57Come on, Lesby.
23:58I'm sure a whole poor cooter gets here before they heard something important.
24:03Now, there's a familiar sight.
24:05Eleven hundred and thirty-six dollars and fifteen cents.
24:17Why, I'll pay that.
24:19Miss Loretta comes first.
24:21We gotta save my country music dream and retrieve the honor of Hazard County.
24:26Besides, I'll get back triple my money from that reward.
24:30Uh, boss, I don't think I had to work, exactly.
24:32You see, they won't take any money except from that platter record company.
24:37What you reckon we ought to do?
24:38I'll tell you what you're gonna do.
24:39You and Roscoe are gonna scour Hazard County for them Duke boys.
24:43You're gonna search and comb every square inch of it till you find them.
24:46Right, right.
24:47And then when we do, then we're gonna arrest them proper, right?
24:50Wrong.
24:51Wrong.
24:51You're gonna follow them, stupid.
24:53So they'll lead you to Miss Loretta.
24:55Yeah, yeah.
24:56And then we arrest them and then we get the reward and split it 50-50.
25:01Wrong again.
25:02I get it.
25:03You get it.
25:04Um, boss, that doesn't seem exactly fair.
25:07You see, it's Enos and me who does all the searching and the combing and the scouring.
25:11It seems to me it ought to be at least 50-50.
25:15Roscoe.
25:1650-50 would make you a Peabrean Cheryl and me, your boss, equal, wouldn't it?
25:28Mm-hmm.
25:29Um, what, well, it's 60-40.
25:34No, no, 80-20 is a good, 90-90-1.
25:41I'm heading down to Nashville, sweet Nashville, Tennessee.
25:49Cause everything I am I owe to Nashville.
25:53Nashville, wait for me.
25:57I bummed across...
25:59I found the makeup case.
26:00Oh, just that over there on the bar, would you like?
26:01Hey, Hilda put in some new powder.
26:03She thought you'd try it later, okay?
26:06No, I gotta get to Nashville.
26:08That's my destiny.
26:09You're never big until you're big in Nashville.
26:15Nashville, wait for me.
26:19I could've gone to Vegas, New York, or Hollywood.
26:23But I just didn't feel them towns was real.
26:25Only one place, only good.
26:27So I'll sing my song for Nashville, where God need me to be.
26:31And when I die, they'll bury me in Nashville.
26:37Nashville, wait for me.
26:41Nashville, wait for me.
26:44Hey, Sidney, you know you and these big-time kidnappers are pretty good.
26:50You really think so?
26:51Yes, I do.
26:52Squirtbubb and me, we got our own group, the Pine Valley Rockers.
26:55We play church socials, barbecues.
26:58Last month, we played an American Legion picnic over in Tyler.
27:00Of course, we're going to play it big time once we cut that demonstration record and send on down there to Nashville.
27:06If y'all are any good, well, maybe I can help you, because I have a few connections in Nashville, you know.
27:11Oh, you're already helping us, Miss Loretta.
27:14If we don't do something soon, I'm going to miss the State Fire show.
27:33I know, but what can we do?
27:36Well, I'll try to create a ruckus, and if I do, you slip out and go for the law.
27:44You know, that's sounding really nice.
27:47Oh, thank you, ma'am.
27:49Except, Bubba, I believe you're coming in just a little bit flat.
27:53Oh, see, Bubba, I told you.
27:55Oh, you always say I'm flat even when I'm sharp.
27:57Look, I'm the leader of this here group, and when I hear flat, you're flat.
28:01I'm sick and tired of you telling me what to do all the time.
28:04Well, what are you going to do about it?
28:08Well, I'll show you what I'm going to do about it.
28:10Oh, Bubba, you shouldn't have done that.
28:19Bubba, Bubba, Bubba.
28:23Quirt.
28:25Stop it, both of you.
28:26Well, he started it.
28:27Look at you sons of Miss Loretta's makeup.
28:31Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Loretta.
28:33Hey, where's Miss Leona?
28:36Bubba, Bubba, you go out there and you get her and bring her back.
28:40Oh, my God.
29:10Better back off the pedal, Bo.
29:35Some fool's walking in the middle of the road.
29:40Take me to the police! Quick!
29:42Now, slow down a second. You're Loretta's road manager, right?
29:44Yes, and I need help. They're holding her for ransom.
29:47Well, then let's go get her.
29:48It would help if we knew where she was.
29:50Now, let's plan this right so nobody gets hurt, okay? Come on.
29:53I tell you, they couldn't have just disappeared in the thin air.
29:57We flat covered half the county. Mr. Hogan still can't sign them.
30:01Half the county, huh?
30:02Yes, sir.
30:03Well, boss, what do we do?
30:07You know what we do? Don't you ever watch TV?
30:10We...
30:11You're gonna hightail it over to the Duke's place and set up a 24-hour lookout.
30:16Oh, they're gonna come home sometime.
30:19Yeah, they got to.
30:22You take the first 24 hours.
30:25You just, you're sitting on my foot. My foot's asleep.
30:37So's your brain. Now you match on both ends.
30:44There's Loretta Lynn's manager. That means she's in there.
30:46Leona, now think hard.
30:48Don't you have any hint or clue as to where they're hiding, Loretta?
30:53Well, I couldn't see anything.
30:55The shades on the bus were down.
30:57Well, did you hear anything?
30:59Say animals are running water.
31:01Ham.
31:03Ham.
31:04I smell the most delicious ham.
31:07The smokehouse.
31:10They gotta be somewheres near that smokehouse.
31:12Right, that's just as good a place to start as any.
31:14Are you sure, Chef?
31:16Enos, I know what I see.
31:17Oh!
31:21Oh, great.
31:22Roscoe and Enos are watching the house from the old oak tree.
31:25Enos, get up here.
31:27You got six toes, you oughta be able to get up here like a squirrel.
31:29How are y'all gonna get down to the smokehouse without them following you?
31:33Well, you're gonna help us, Miss Loretta.
31:36Loretta.
31:37Do we rush them?
31:38No, we don't rush them until we talk to the boss, anyway.
31:41Yeah.
31:42Right.
31:43Penis.
31:47Uh, this is Roscoe Pete Coltrane calling the boss.
31:50Got your ears on?
31:51Come on.
31:54You mean you're Unit 1, don't you?
31:56Uh, boss, Loretta Lynn's manager is in the Duke house.
32:00Shall we rush it?
32:01Come on.
32:02Don't you rush in until you're sure Miss Loretta's there, too.
32:05But boss, I think we should.
32:08Over.
32:09Don't put me, Penis.
32:11Listen, them dukes are clever.
32:13We gotta be sure Miss Loretta's in there, too.
32:16Cause we can't get any reward, unless we get her.
32:20I love it, I love it.
32:22As long as Daisy don't start singing, she might just get away with it.
32:27Daisy, you look terrific.
32:29Well, thanks, Liana.
32:30Oh, Loretta would get a real hoot out of this.
32:32I think it's gonna work.
32:34Now, we all got the plans straight.
32:35Oh, sure.
32:36Nothing to it.
32:37I just take a...
32:39Miss Loretta.
32:41Walk to the pickup truck and drive away.
32:43And then Enos and Roscoe follow y'all just like ants to a picnic.
32:45So we can slip away, just like we planned.
32:47You ready, Mr. Ready?
32:48Oh, wait a minute, fellas.
32:49I'm a star now.
32:50You're gonna have to speak to my manager.
32:52I'll star you right up side the head.
32:59That's her.
33:00That's her.
33:01Let's get down here.
33:02That was her.
33:03That's all readily...
33:07Enos, help me down here.
33:13Hey, sir.
33:14He looks just like a poor little old cripple spare with a hurt wing.
33:17Oh.
33:18I'm gonna hurt your wing, Enos.
33:19Will you help me down, you dipstick?
33:21Yes, sir.
33:22Sure do, though.
33:24I told you this wasn't gonna work.
33:26Oh, Bubba.
33:27Bubba, will you get a hold of yourself?
33:29That lady's gonna come back here and she's gonna bring a law with her.
33:32Bubba, that's why we gotta find ourselves another hideout.
33:36This was a crazy idea.
33:37I never should've listened to you.
33:39Now we're gonna go to jail.
33:42Bubba, we're not going to go to jail.
33:44Now, will you get in there on the bus, clean it up, wipe off the fingerprints?
33:48I'll keep lookout on the roof till it's time to go.
33:50Get.
33:51Three times up and down this smokehouse road.
33:53We can't even find a clue that tells us we're on the right track.
33:56We better find something in a hurry, cousin, or we're gonna be making tracks in Hazard County Jail.
34:04Hey, wait in there, Bo.
34:05Take a look at this.
34:07That's one of Loretta's pictures.
34:09Yeah, it sure is.
34:10I got a feeling it ain't here by accident either.
34:12Hey, easy now.
34:13Here's one right up here.
34:27Come on.
34:28Come on.
34:29Come on.
34:30Come on.
34:31Pass, you sure left a heck of a trail.
34:33Better than breadcrumbs.
34:34You know that Loretta don't only sing like gangbusters, she sly as a fox.
34:38Oh, this road heads right down to the Hazard County stockyard.
34:41You know where they had them cattle auctions?
34:42Yeah.
34:43I'd bet you a half pint of Jesse's finest.
34:45That's where they got her hit.
34:46Look, give Roscoe a call on the CB and have him there if we need him.
34:50Break a break of one-nine for Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane.
34:53Come in.
34:54You got Bo and Luke Duke on this scent.
34:56We're following a trail that we think is gonna lead us right to where Miss Loretta is.
34:59Come back.
35:00Listen, now, don't tell me Loretta's at the Hazard County stockyard bar.
35:04I got her in my sights right now, and she's right there in Jesse's truck.
35:08Come on.
35:09Roscoe, that ain't Loretta Lynn.
35:11That's just Daisy made up to look like her is all.
35:13Oh, you think I'm gonna fall for another one of your dumb Duke tricks?
35:17Well, it just so happens I'm Loretta Lynn's biggest fan.
35:20And I know her when I see her.
35:21And I see her.
35:22I'm gone.
35:24She's just hopeless.
35:25I give up.
35:34Well, I guess Bo and Luke have had about enough time.
35:37Oh, I was just starting to like being Loretta Lynn, Uncle Jesse.
35:41You wouldn't want to be in her boots right now.
35:44Nah, I guess not.
35:47Well, let's call this chariot brace off.
35:54Mr. Loretta!
35:55Mr. Loretta!
35:56Edith!
35:57Are you all right?
36:00Daisy Duke, you mean to tell me I saved you?
36:03Does this mean you don't want my autograph, Roscoe?
36:05I do, Daisy.
36:07I'll give you an autograph.
36:09Right between the hours.
36:13Ah, here we are.
36:14Come on, pull her over up here.
36:15Yeah.
36:16It's gotta be the place.
36:17There ain't nowhere else around here that could hide a rig that size.
36:18You reckon we ought to go check it out?
36:20Yeah.
36:21It's gotta be the place.
36:22There ain't nowhere else around here that could hide a rig that size.
36:23You reckon we ought to go check it out?
36:24Yeah.
36:25Yeah.
36:26It's gotta be the place.
36:27There ain't nowhere else around here that could hide a rig that size.
36:30You reckon we ought to go check it out?
36:54What was that?
36:55Let's get out of here.
36:56Well, what about Squirt?
36:57We'll pick him up.
36:58Get the car.
37:03I don't believe I'd try to stop that with my body.
37:06Would you?
37:15Bubba!
37:16Bubba!
37:17Wait!
37:18Wait for me, Bubba!
37:19Bubba, slow down!
37:20Come on, you can't go anywhere without me!
37:25You know, they don't learn too quick, do they?
37:49Bubba, can't you get this thing going any faster?
37:51They're gaining on us.
37:54That's right, Roscoe.
37:55We got them.
37:56We're hot on their tail, and we're heading south down Abernathy Road.
37:59We just passed the Spencer Police.
38:01Listen, Luke.
38:02Now, you said they was over here at the Hazard County Stockyards, and that's where we're at.
38:06Over.
38:07Now, forget it.
38:08I'm telling you where they are now.
38:09Now, I'd be much obliged if you come out here and give us a hand, okay?
38:12I'm gone.
38:13We're gone.
38:14Over.
38:15All right, let's get going.
38:16Well, why are we going if this is another wild goose chase?
38:18We're going, Enos, because we ain't got nothing else to do, you turkey head.
38:21Now, just follow me.
38:22You know, monkey see, monkey do.
38:24Looks to me like Bo and Luke are caught like a rabbit between the fox and the hounds.
38:41Hey, look.
38:42Why don't you all just give up?
38:43Not until I get my $1,136.15.
38:44$1,100?
38:45Is that all you think I'm worth?
38:46I figured you all go for more than that.
38:47Well, that's what that phony record producer from Clatter Records charged, just to make
38:48a demo.
38:49And he never even made it.
38:50Well, why are you holding me?
38:51I don't even know Clatter Records.
38:52And you're from Nashville, ain't you?
38:53Yes.
38:54It's all the same to us.
38:55Oh, yeah?
38:56And you know, you're crazier than a night.
38:57And you know, you're crazier than a night.
38:58And you know, you're crazier than a night.
38:59And you know, you know, you're going to get a night.
39:00And you know, you're crazier than an old mare full of dynamite, too.
39:01Oh, there's old Roscoe coming right up behind us.
39:02Roscoe, I can't never remember being quite so happy to see you before.
39:05Well, you won't be when I get my hands on you.
39:07Now quit horsing around and get yourself up.
39:08Peaceful life.
39:09Over.
39:10Roscoe, you're setting a record for the slows.
39:11Now, look, get this through your teeth.
39:12And you know, you've got to make a demo.
39:13And you've got to make a demo.
39:14And you never even made it.
39:15Well, why are you holding me?
39:16I don't even know Clatter Records.
39:17Well, you're from Nashville, ain't you?
39:18Yes.
39:19It's all the same to us.
39:20Oh, yeah?
39:21Don't be when I get my hands on you.
39:23Now quit horsing around and get yourself up.
39:25Peaceful life.
39:26Over.
39:27Roscoe, you're setting a record for the slows.
39:29Now, look, get this through your thick skull.
39:31We ain't the kidnappers.
39:32We're trying to help you catch them.
39:33Word, I might be able to get a little more juice out of this if you light the load.
39:52Enos, what the heck are you doing here?
39:54You're supposed to be following those people that stole Loretta Lynn.
39:57Well, you said to follow you, ain't that right?
39:59Monkey see, monkey do.
40:01Oh, monkey see, monkey do do you, you tip stick.
40:08Hold their guns steady, cousin.
40:09You got it.
40:21Oh, that's it, Gary.
40:22Let's get that bus.
40:23Yeah, I'm gonna go cut it off.
40:24It's too dangerous.
40:25This Loretta's still inside.
40:26You just pull up just as close as you can.
40:27You got it.
40:28You got it.
40:29Okay, I'm gonna go cut it off.
40:30It's too dangerous.
40:31This Loretta's still inside.
40:32You just pull up just as close as you can.
40:34You got it.
40:58You got it.
40:59You got it.
41:00I'm gonna go cut it off.
41:01I'm gonna go cut it off.
41:02I'm gonna go cut it off.
41:03You got it.
41:04I'm gonna go cut it off.
41:05Yeah, you got it.
41:06I'm gonna go cut it off.
41:07I'm gonna get it.
41:08Look, my, no head.
41:09Y-hoo!
41:10Something's wrong, squirt.
41:11This ain't starting to drag.
41:12I thought we had it fixed back in the answer.
41:13I'm going to take you apart.
41:36That's what I'm going to do.
41:37Don't do nothing stupid, big boy.
41:38You won't get hurt.
41:39Commission for the world.
41:40Put me down, put me down.
41:41Put me down, put me down.
41:43What do you think you're doing?
41:45Hey, hey.
41:46What am I doing?
41:47Look, I'm a person, not a picture.
41:50Get me down.
41:51Get me down.
41:52Get me off of here.
41:56Put me down.
41:57Let me off of here.
41:58Get me down.
41:59Come on, get me down.
42:01You stop laughing, Miss Loretta.
42:03Get me down.
42:04Get me down.
42:05Get me down.
42:06Come on, you beastly whale.
42:07I got a score to settle with you.
42:08All right, all right.
42:09I deserve it.
42:10I never should have left that little squirt.
42:11Go ahead.
42:12Bust me.
42:13Right there.
42:14Ain't she going to bust me?
42:16Get me off of here.
42:17Get me off of here.
42:18Let me down.
42:19Let me down, will you?
42:20Stop laughing, Miss Loretta.
42:21It's not funny.
42:22Please, let me down.
42:23Remember me saying a while back that we like happy endings?
42:27Well, old Bo and Luke get a big smack of appreciation from Miss Loretta.
42:40And they're going to be forgetting that none too soon.
42:43And after a real tongue lashing by the state police, our little villains were set free as
42:48the wind.
42:49Miss Loretta refused to press charges.
42:51And she's going to see if she can give them a hand in making that record.
42:54Y'all be listening for it.
42:55Roscoe and Enos got enough pictures for all their cousins.
43:00And Moss made a few bucks.
43:02They sold clean out of Loretta Lynn wigs.
43:05Well, all except one.
43:25You know, there's an old country saying that the best gift is when a person gives of themselves.
43:39Well, watch what this girl is affection to do.
43:42Well, maybe I could do you a little song.
43:44Would that be?
43:45Yeah!
43:46Yeah!
43:47Yeah!
43:48Yeah!
43:49Yeah, sure.
43:50Yeah.
43:51And maybe we could help you sing that, too.
43:53Yeah, we'll try.
43:55All right.
43:56Oh, yeah.
43:57Let it rip, Flip.
43:59Yeah!
44:00Let it rip.
44:03Hey!
44:04Nobody is your nephew, well that's one thing you can rely on.
44:09They all come to see you, but I don't have to lie to you, I say.
44:13Y'all come to see you.
44:16Y'all come. Y'all come. Y'all come.
44:19Well, if you all come, get up with your hand.
44:22Y'all come. Y'all come. Y'all come.
44:26Well, if you all come, get up with your hand.
44:29Now the kid and folks are coming, they're coming by the desert.
44:33Eating everything from soup to hay.
44:36And right after dinner, they'd love you any better.
44:40So here's what you hear them say.
44:43Y'all come. Y'all come. Y'all come. Y'all come.
44:46Well, if you all come, get up with your hand.
44:49Y'all come. Y'all come. Y'all come.
44:53Let's go.
44:56Now Grandma wishing we'd come into the kitchen.
45:00Have to do the dishes right away.
45:03But they all start leaving even though she's grieving.
45:07You can still hear Grandma say.
45:09Wahoo!
45:11Y'all come. Y'all come. Y'all come.
45:34Y'all come! Y'all come! Y'all come!
46:04Yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko, yo-ko
46:34guitar solo
47:04I'm Dukes, I'm Dukes
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