00:00I found a t-shirt for Cody. I'm not like most teens. I'm 47.
00:09If you think for a second, I'm not gonna have a bite of that. I'm gonna give you a piece. Yes. Oh, yes!
00:14Because this is actually super fucking rich. Holy shit. Look at this thing. Look at that.
00:20Actually, give me it so I can hold it and then just drop it when Cody reaches.
00:24Why would you do that to me? You had one in your hand. Oh, that's awesome, man.
00:27I always think about, like, SpongeBob and Patrick, and Patrick eats his whole burger and SpongeBob is still eating his, and Patrick's like, well, why do you have some?
00:35I was like, well, you already ate yours.
00:39Shake it. Oh, my God, it's definitely broken. You can hear it.
00:43What's up, guys? We're doing an unboxing video. What does it say?
00:48Saturday, Sunday, Monday.
00:52That's pretty fucking appropriate. When your company is shipping mugs,
00:55you'd think you would not fuck that part.
00:58What's up? I'm in Hollywood. I'm about to do stand-up comedy.
01:03Let's hope I don't get triggered on stage again.
01:06All right. All right. Yeah.
01:09You know, my mom always told me to picture the crowd naked when I was on stage to calm the nerves.
01:14And I gotta tell you guys, this guy's a huge dick. Right here.
01:18This guy's packing.
01:20This weekend, I was driving down to San Diego, and I stopped at a gas station, because I need to go to the bathroom.
01:26And I go use the bathroom, and I finish my business, and I come out, and this guy runs in.
01:31So I'm in the middle of the gas station. He runs in, and he looks like he's in a hurry.
01:33He looks around, and he sizes me up, and he goes,
01:36Yo, dude, do you guys have, like, those five-hour energies here?
01:39And I was like, what? Oh, no, no, no, I don't work here.
01:43And he was like, oh, sorry, dude, and walked out.
01:45And I was like, oh, well, I guess that's where I'm at in my life right now.
01:51It's that people think I work at a gas station.
01:54Oh, man, look at that.
01:57Oh, man, they must have found the comedy set I did tonight.
02:00This looks like someone who's never smoked weed before got dared to go buy a bunch of stoner food.
02:05This is the, like, could you pick more cliche foods?
02:12Oh, dude, bunions, dude.
02:16Dude, what are you craving?
02:18Flamin' Hot Cheetos, bro.
02:19Oh, me too.
02:21Spark another one of those yibs, and let's go to the fucking 7-Eleven and grab some fucking brownies.
02:25Okay, listen, in my defense, would you not eat any of those?
02:28No, I absolutely would.
02:30I'm just saying you can't pick more cliche stoner food.
02:32The only thing this needs is, like, taquitos or whatever, you know, those, like, little things I'm talking about.
02:38But what am I supposed to get instead?
02:40Like, be creative.
02:41I don't know, get, like, an ice cream sandwich or get, like, a...
02:43Bruh.
02:44No way.
02:46You have a...
02:47Fucking ass up.
02:49He has a...
02:50These are my shoes on fucking boxers.
02:53Yeah.
02:54I'm gonna get them so I can not only wear them on my feet, but wear them also on my junk.
02:58Yeah.
02:58Oh, no.
03:06Stop.
03:07Let me get it.
03:08Oh, no.
03:09Okay.
03:10What's up, pussy lips?
03:12Long time no talk me, amigo.
03:14Square up, dude.
03:15What's good, man?
03:16Not much.
03:17How you been?
03:18Good.
03:18Good, man.
03:21Good, dude.
03:22I just shotgunned four monsters.
03:23I feel fucking good, dude.
03:25Uh, where's Cody who's supposed to come play pool and...
03:28What?
03:29Cody, we were gonna play pool.
03:30Yeah, he's probably sinking some balls in his boyfriend's ass.
03:35Because he's gay.
03:36Let's do it.
03:37How do you even fucking play this game?
03:38Uh, well, typically someone breaks...
03:40You gonna break or am I gonna break?
03:41I know how to play pool, you fucking idiot.
03:43I'm a shark, dude.
03:44I guess...
03:45I guess you're gonna break.
03:46Yeah, well, I'm gonna fucking break.
03:49This never happens.
03:54Man, what?
03:55Fuck.
03:55It's your turn.
03:57I'm fucking owning you, dude.
03:59Yo, what the fuck?
03:59Are you pulling my ball out?
04:01What?
04:01You just pull my ball out?
04:03Pull what?
04:03Did you just pull my ball out?
04:05Uh, first of all, Blaze never pulls out, okay?
04:09Let's get that straight.
04:10Second of all, absolutely not, dude.
04:12I need to fucking cheat to be you.
04:13Do you have any monster in here?
04:17Dude, check out.
04:18It's my dick.
04:20Yeah.
04:21I'm kidding.
04:22Mine's a lot thicker than this.
04:23Trust me.
04:23It's a little thing I like to call a jump shot, bitch.
04:35Oh, dude!
04:37Dude!
04:39Dude!
04:42Yeah?
04:43Tiddy chairs, dude!
04:44Are you fucking for real, dude?
04:46I saw these on Etsy.
04:47I wanted to get them so bad, dude.
04:49A couple of sweater puppies, you know what I'm saying?
04:51A couple of Christmas hams right here, dude.
04:53Dude, I need these in my fucking mobile home, dude.
04:56I want to fuck these chairs.
04:59Check me, bitch.
05:00You're out.
05:01Dude, that was my ball, and the eight ball's still on the table.
05:03Okay, my dude.
05:04Maybe read a book about the rules of pool, okay?
05:06I gotta go, dude.
05:07Brian's coming over.
05:08We're gonna tune my dirt bike.
05:09I'll see you next time, man.
05:10Good to see you.
05:11I fucking hate that, dude.
05:17All right, that's it for today's video.
05:18My favorite comment off the last one.
05:21You know what?
05:21I gotta stop picking mean comments.
05:23I really do.
05:23But I have to give this one a shout-out,
05:25because this is the meanest comment I've ever received on one of my videos.
05:29It's from Laney Anderson, and it says,
05:31this video would be funnier if you were younger, which, God, that caught me deep.
05:36We're not that old.
05:37Yeah, that stings.
05:38We're not that old, all right?
05:40You're wrong, Laney.
05:42You're wrong.
05:43We're still very youthful.
05:45Do you want to go to Golden Corral for lunch?
05:49I heard there's, like, a senior's discount before it.
05:51Yeah, I just have to take my videos.
05:53You do?
05:53Yeah.
05:54Okay.
05:54Oh, also, before I forget, don't forget about the bingo match tonight.
05:58Oh, fuck.
05:59One second.
05:59I just have to forward this email to my grandkids, and then I'll leave.
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