00:00Today's vlog is brought to you by LegalZoom. LegalZoom is a great resource that's helping my parents figure out their divorce really fast. So if your parents need any help separating and ruining your life, go ahead and check out LegalZoom.com. Use my promo code in the description for a discount on your expedited legal fees.
00:25Have you figured out which one you're going to live with yet, you fucking pussy?
00:30It's birthday.
00:39Happy birthday!
00:54Goddammit.
00:58What is the thing? This isn't even from the champagne. This was here before we got here.
01:03How's it taste? Tastes like piss. A little bubbly breakfast here.
01:13Mmm. It really does taste like piss this morning.
01:17Yes. Yeah.
01:23Tastes a little like cum.
01:25Good morning, fuckers.
01:26I have an audition this morning and I just started memorizing the lines so it's in like 20 minutes. Let's hope I don't fucking forget them on the spot like I always do.
01:36I'll report back.
01:40How did I forget every single word?
01:43I'm in San Diego with Sam. Where are we going?
01:45Oh, we're going to a music festival called, uh, Caboo.
01:48Oh, shit.
01:49What?
01:50You fucking scared me.
01:52So we're going to a music festival called Caboo.
01:56Oh!
01:57Chill.
01:58Liberally say it like that?
02:00Wait a minute. Can you get pregnant if you jack off without a condom?
02:04Oh, what is good.
02:10Right there.
02:10Yo, you have some up dog on your nose.
02:14Nothing much. What's up with you?
02:17Got him.
02:18Got him.
02:19It sucks we left the dog microphone at home.
02:23What is this that guy's ruining the grass fucking drought you're littering this guy's a conscientious man
02:38I'm a vegan
02:40What is that?
02:42Literally
02:43Literally pizza is this so we just got here. We're excited to check out the food
02:53This is it for us, man. This is the last show in the summer. I feel this moment. I feel alive in this moment
02:58I want to share with you. You only live once. We're not gonna be young forever. Look at me
03:03I'm 57 dude, and I never thought I'd make it here find anyone next to you make out with them who cares
03:13Yeah, yeah, I do like
03:23Oh
03:28She's trying to like make it so cool summer. You can't bully anyone in that shirt. You cannot believe anybody. I look festive
03:37Can I make one of his fucking clothes right now?
03:47Actually, what are those?
03:49Are those his grandfather's? What the fuck are those?
03:51What the fuck are those?
03:52Rat caboo
03:57Yo, Aerosmith is the tightest DJ's I've ever seen
04:02Where am I?
04:03I don't know where the fuck I am
04:10Has anyone seen my dick? It is in a gray otter box
04:16Going to Malibu
04:18How do I do this? How are we doing?
04:20Try not, Sam
04:21Yeah
04:22There you go, it's locked in
04:23There you go
04:24Now your eye
04:25You look there, no no no look
04:27This is
04:28Oh Jesus
04:33I told you
04:34I told you
04:35I fucking told you
04:36Fuck
04:37You just killed some poor little squirrel
04:39All right, that's it for today's video
04:42My favorite comment off the last one is this one from Teresa Canoza
04:45She goes, how does he only have 48,000 subs? Right?
04:49You'd think it'd be way less than that
04:50Oh
04:52Well fuck you Teresa
04:54And uh, hope you guys had a good weekend
04:57And I'll see you on Wednesday
04:58Peace
04:59Like and subscribe if your parents have divorced
05:03Too
05:05You can use LegalZoom to get
05:07Goddamn
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