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00:00Daytime, you're never out of reach from the hood, even at the beach.
00:09Condon, Long Beach, Malibu, and Dayton.
00:12You're always in danger when the hood's erased.
00:15CPT or MATJ, remember that the hood is never far away.
00:21Just the hood, and you're in the sand and stay.
00:26Yeah.
00:28The bird.
00:32What do you want?
00:34Jamaica St. Croix.
00:36You too good for us now that you left the hood?
00:38We had a good thing together.
00:40Still got that crippled hand, bird?
00:44Why fix it?
00:46I'd only have to change my name.
00:48What do you want from me?
00:50I left your posse.
00:51I said no to gang banging a long time ago.
00:53Baby, I got a fat shipment coming in.
00:55But the DEA is scoping for my boat.
00:57Ain't that right?
00:58Shut up!
00:59So I'm having someone swim out to Foigo Island and make the score.
01:05And that someone is you.
01:07Jack and trade for you, bird?
01:09Here's what I think of your plan.
01:11Cell phone!
01:14Maybe this will convince you.
01:15Jamaica, don't do it!
01:16Don't listen to him!
01:17I'll be okay!
01:18That was my sister, Montego Bay.
01:19I needed a little collateral.
01:20Pucci, I'm giving you 24 hours to rejoin the posse, or you can say good day to Montego Bay.
01:24Come on, suck!
01:25Suck!
01:26Suck hard!
01:27Yeah, that's it!
01:28That's it!
01:29Keep sucking!
01:30Don't stop!
01:31You go, girl!
01:32Keep sucking!
01:33Keep sucking!
01:34Ah, that's good!
01:35Good, BJ!
01:36Good, BJ!
01:37That's it!
01:38You go, girl!
01:39Get it all!
01:40Get it all!
01:41Get it all!
01:42Ah!
01:43Excellent!
01:44BJ!
01:45You see, gang, the secret to saving a snake bite victim is drawing out the venom as quickly
01:48as possible.
01:49Uh, Notch?
01:50No!
01:51No!
01:52No!
01:53No!
01:54No!
01:55No!
01:56No!
01:57No!
01:58No!
01:59No!
02:00No!
02:01No!
02:02No!
02:03No!
02:04No!
02:05No!
02:06No!
02:07No!
02:08No!
02:09No!
02:10No!
02:11No!
02:12No!
02:13No!
02:14No!
02:15I know I'm new here, but do you really think there are poisonous snakes on the beach?
02:16Kimberly, you can't be too careful.
02:18After all, Arizona is only one state away.
02:20What about me?
02:21Can I have a try?
02:23It's all yours, Chip.
02:24Okay, I hope I don't blow it.
02:30Okay, suck!
02:32Suck.
02:33Suck hard!
02:34Yeah!
02:35That's it, Chip!
02:36That's it!
02:37Keep sucking!
02:38Ow! Watch the teeth!
02:41Son of the Beach, starring Jamie Bergman as B.J. Cummings.
02:46Roland Kickinger as Chip Rommel.
02:49Lila Arcieri as Jamaica St. Croix.
02:53Kim Oya as Kimberly Clark.
02:56With Michael Berenson as Steve the Dog.
02:59Even more starring Lisa Baines as Mayor Anita Massengill.
03:03And starring most of all, Timothy Stack as Notch Johnson.
03:08Tonight's episode, In the Gehetto.
03:14Guests of Son of the Beach stay at their friends' houses.
03:17That's good. Okay, very good. Nice job, Chip. Nice job.
03:21Okay, Kimberly. You're up.
03:25Okay.
03:29Notch, I have an important announcement to make.
03:31Yes, but...
03:32And that announcement is, the police report a sudden influx of homeless men to the beach.
03:38Tell me about it.
03:39Yesterday, I turned around, and one of them was eating my chalupa.
03:43Okay, everyone. Let's hit the beach.
03:51Chief, uh...
03:52Well, I...
03:53I was, uh...
03:54Chip, it's like snake poison.
03:56Just spit it out.
03:57I was hoping to get the week off to train for the Mr. Peck pageant.
04:01The Mr. Peck pageant?
04:03Best upper torso on the beach.
04:06For a man.
04:07In 1976, my friend Gunther was Mr. Peck.
04:11I would do anything to follow in his footsteps.
04:15Think you've got the chops, Chip?
04:16I don't know.
04:17You tell me.
04:18Well, not bad, my bosom buddy.
04:23But let's see if you can keep up with this.
04:24I'd end up the contest, but, uh...
04:41I pulled my groin last night watching television.
04:44Chip, I'm gonna give you the week off to train.
04:47I only ask one favor.
04:48What's that?
04:49Win.
04:50Win it for me.
04:51Thank a notch.
04:53I would love to be your wiener.
05:05Mother, I want to look.
05:07Oh, Cody, dear.
05:08I'm the judge of the Mr. Peck pageant.
05:10I have to look.
05:10No, I have to look for other reasons.
05:13Give me the damn binoculars.
05:15Fine, take them.
05:17But I was about to ask you to go get Chip for me.
05:19Oh, Mother, you're delicious.
05:29See, Chappie, you can use the bag to pick up trash, or...
05:32you can use it as underwear.
05:38Notch, just give him the bag.
05:40Oh, why bother?
05:41There ain't enough garbage to go around with all the nouveau homeless moving in.
05:44Oh, Chappie, you've owned this beach for years.
05:47It's time to share the wealth.
05:49And the police say the new guys won't be here long.
05:52Quick, quick.
05:56Chappie, you look like you're out of breath.
05:58I just saw something I never want to see again.
06:00Cellulite?
06:01No, even worse.
06:04The leader of my old gang, the bird.
06:07You were in a gang?
06:09Yes, she was, Kimberly.
06:10So what was the bird doing here?
06:13He wanted me to mule his junk.
06:15But I don't want to be a mule.
06:17What's a mule?
06:18BJ, a mule is an animal with long, funny ears.
06:21He laughs at most anything he hears.
06:24His legs are...
06:25Notch, in this case, a mule is a person who smuggles contraband.
06:29And now, he's kidnapped my sister.
06:31If I don't do what he wants, he's gonna ice her.
06:34Ice your sister?
06:36Oh, that is cold.
06:38I'm so proud of her.
06:40She's number one in her class at medical school.
06:43She's gonna be a doctor?
06:44No, an x-ray technician.
06:46An x-ray technician?
06:48Then damn it, we have to do something.
06:50Otherwise, your sister will never know the joy of pressing that button and running out of the room.
07:00I called you here today because, as you know, I'm the sole judge of the Mr. Peck pageant.
07:05What an honor to be the judge for such an important contest.
07:09In 1976, my friend, Gunther...
07:11I was thinking, since you're a local boy, wouldn't it be wunderbar if you went home with this?
07:18The golden nipple.
07:20Er, der ist gewinnt die Brustwarze.
07:24Er obert die Welt.
07:26I had a wild notion of an exercise that you could do that would guarantee your clinching the nipple.
07:32Really? I'll try any exercise.
07:34And we could do this exercise together.
07:38But I already have a workout partner, Gunther, and he has four nipples.
07:42Oh, you cute dumbbell.
07:45I'm saying, if you and I have a little rendezvous, I'll guarantee you in the pageant.
07:52Rendezvous?
07:53As in sodomy?
07:54Fornication?
07:55And doing the barato spooki?
07:56All that and more.
08:05Here's the plan.
08:07Tonight at nine, room 14, the Lazy Eye Motel.
08:10You know how to use a key, don't you, Chip?
08:19You just stick it in the hole and rotate.
08:23Here, Jamaica.
08:30This will calm you down.
08:32It's a St. John's wort smoothie.
08:34You people just ain't getting it.
08:37The bird wants an answer by tonight or my sister's going to be pushing up concrete.
08:41Hey, you listen to me, man.
08:42I'm not afraid of big bird.
08:44But first, we have to get some information.
08:49Yeah, Jamaica.
08:49Tell us more about this posse you were in.
08:53These mothers are bad news.
08:55But I got out.
08:57I picked myself up by my Speedo straps, and I joined the high school equivalency swim team.
09:02How did you get mixed up in all this to begin with?
09:05It started out as fun.
09:07We had this singing group called HBU.
09:10H-B-U?
09:11Yeah, hot bitches in underwear.
09:14Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.
09:43Word up, dog.
09:44You bitches had your funk on.
09:46Yeah, we were tight until the bird came along.
09:49He made us turn to a life of crime.
09:57Look at him.
10:03He's the next Gunter.
10:05Strong arms.
10:07Firm, pouting yabos.
10:09And his sun-kissed buttocks.
10:11How can I compete?
10:15I'll be letting down Nudge.
10:17And worse, I'll be letting down my fatherland.
10:20I mean, my country.
10:21I guess I only have one choice.
10:29Jamaica, what changed your life?
10:31What got you out of the Gehetto?
10:34My brother.
10:35Kimberly?
10:36She means her bro.
10:37He introduced me to the water.
10:40Paid for my swimming lessons.
10:41He even bought me my first pair of floaties.
10:43But my floaties were expensive.
10:45How could he afford them?
10:46My bro was living large.
10:49Until, until he got killed in a swim by shooting.
10:56Here, Jamaica.
10:57Here's another smoothie.
10:58This one has St. John's wort, kava kava, and ginkgo balbobaba.
11:05But it's my sister.
11:07And he's going to be calling for an answer tonight.
11:09Oh!
11:10Me!
11:11Me!
11:11Me!
11:11Me!
11:11Me!
11:11Me!
11:11Me!
11:11Me!
11:12Me!
11:12Me!
11:13Me!
11:13Me!
11:14Me!
11:15Me!
11:16Me!
11:17Me!
11:18Me!
11:19Me!
11:20Me!
11:21Me!
11:22Me!
11:23Me!
11:24Me!
11:25Me!
11:26Me!
11:27Me!
11:28Me!
11:28Me!
11:28Me!
11:36I've been waiting for your knock, Ehron.
11:44Come on in and blitzkrieg my Luftwaffe.
11:58Hey, chappy.
11:59How would you like to make $20 for a little sex?
12:02Hey, hey.
12:03I'm homeless, not homo.
12:05Not with me.
12:06With a woman.
12:07Yeah?
12:08Sure.
12:09Let me just park this thing.
12:11I'll come on.
12:12With a man, I'll put you in the air.
12:14I can't wait.
12:16You see.
12:17I can't wait, but...
12:18I can't wait.
12:19I won't have to die.
12:20I can't wait.
12:21You can't wait.
12:22I can't wait.
12:23why won't the phone ring try to stay cool jamaica
12:43okay i'll handle this
12:49hello son i'm expecting a very important phone call okay fine i'll ask does anyone know a mike hunt
13:04mike hunt mike hunt it's a prank notch a prank
13:10now i'll get it hello what up homie never mind me how's my sister that bitch is money ain't that
13:27right montego jamaica don't be a mule i'll escape from this posse shut up you're hurting me
13:34tomorrow 9 a.m you're swimming to foible island fine i'll make the swim for you but if anything
13:42happens to montego bay i'm telling the first cop who pulls me over for no reason got it
13:49ooh i'd like to choke the bird not what am i gonna do oh i got this one handled because
13:57tomorrow at 9 a.m i'm gonna go down there and i'm gonna lick your posse read my lips i'm gonna lick
14:07your posse and i'm gonna enjoy doing it
14:14it's oh 900 o'clock where are they
14:20yo fools where you looking montego
14:24you gotta swim out and get me my peruvian marching powder wait a second the bird
14:30who are you allow me to introduce myself i'm notch johnson and i'm in the house
14:37the notch johnson why should i let you swim out there because i'm not a coward and only a coward
14:44makes women do his dirty work johnson you dissing me because if anything gets janky first i want
14:5087 montego then i take out your posse okay i'm jiggy with that notch why are you doing this
14:58we should call the police don't worry kimberly the last thing i'm gonna do is look foolish
15:04am i dreaming or is that you my naughty german shepherd
15:26i love a gruff voice in the morning
15:31you made me see god last night no one's ever done that
15:37oh i was gonna give you a little wake me up but i can feel you're ready to go chipper
15:45hola donde esta la biblioteca
16:00hola donde esta la biblioteca
16:04okay i'm here for the stuff just put it in a bag bag
16:09you don't need no stinking bag
16:14that's it that's what the fuss is about one party balloon
16:20not one twelve
16:22okay just put it in a sack and i'll be on my way
16:27no maricon you must swallow them
16:31that's very funny swallow them
16:35or we'll put them in the other end
16:39uh oh here comes the charge
16:55rommel how dare you send a filthy bum into my room to force himself on me
17:02well here's a newsflash there's no way you're winning this pageant not as long as i and the judge
17:08notch are you okay where's the stuff
17:23i can't believe i ate the whole thing
17:25oh you made him swallow
17:27i hate that
17:29notch i'm sorry i should have gone
17:31ah don't worry about it
17:33i just don't know how i'm gonna complete delivery
17:36oh i do
17:37swallow these
17:38laxatives
17:40don't make him take those
17:42yeah there's a burrito stand right around the corner
17:44eat them
17:45and what if i say no
17:46fine
17:48but i'm gonna need a glass of water
17:50and some privacy
17:51notch are you okay in there
17:56i've taken seven of those laxatives
17:58and so far don't feel a thing
18:00i'm telling you
18:02nothing
18:02these pills have had absolutely no
18:06whoa
18:07holy mary mother of god
18:10here come the condoms
18:18i only count eleven johnson
18:28you holding out on me
18:29that makes twelve
18:32okay here's your stuff
18:42now let montego go
18:44sure
18:44right after i off all the witnesses
18:46freeze dea
18:48no it's the homeless guys
18:49see i got the power of the u.s drug enforcement agency behind me
18:53tamika
18:54gentlemen
18:56i give you the bird
19:00notch you knew all along that the homeless guys were undercover
19:02well of course i did
19:04thanks notch
19:06i love you man
19:08notch johnson
19:09i'll get you in the end
19:11no you're going to prison
19:13you'll be the one getting it in the end
19:16you'll be the one getting it in the end
19:28okay
19:29the second runner up for this year's mr peck pageant is
19:33mike hutt
19:36hey mike
19:39someone called the other day looking for you
19:41okay
19:45now before we announce the new mr peck
19:48let's meet the judge for this year's pageant
19:51president mayor anita massingill
19:53sorry mother couldn't be here so she asked me to be the judge
19:59wow that's queer
20:00the envelope please
20:02the winner of this year's mr peck pageant is
20:09from nuremberg germany mr champ rollo
20:20cody i can't thank you enough
20:50how can i ever repay you
20:51well i do have a prom coming up
20:53uh we'll talk
20:55by the way where is your mother
20:57chappy
21:02my sterno drinking stallion i can't say no to you
21:07can i have your butt
21:10okay
21:12i've never done that before
21:15it's the best part of the smoke
21:18oh
21:20chappy
21:22hi teens
21:30notch johnson here
21:31you know tonight's show is about getting out of poverty
21:34so here to talk to our friends of the
21:36gahetto
21:37is our own jamaica st croix
21:39makea thanks notch
21:41yo
21:42you finna raise up and get your booty in an uptown crib
21:46shoot dog
21:48don't be laying in the cut getting your drink on
21:51and when you getting your freak on with some fly ass honey
21:54use a jimmy hat
21:56get your game together
21:58make the other kids in the hood hate on you
22:01as you
22:02i don't know what you said but that's good advice
22:08so until next time this is notch johnson saying
22:11ride the big one and
22:13peace out
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