- 23 hours ago
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00:00:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:00:05Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, golly!
00:00:09Well, what if Donald shouts at me?
00:00:12What do I say, Lambie?
00:00:17Just be yourself, Prime Minister. Yourself is who everyone likes.
00:00:24Hello?
00:00:25Argh!
00:00:28Oh, sod, that scary, scary, wonderful president.
00:00:34Why is he so blubber difficult to talk to?
00:00:38Sir, just be honest and tell him we can't send any more ships
00:00:42to the Strait of Hormuz.
00:00:44Oh, crumbs. I just hate conflict so much.
00:00:49Are you referring to the war or this phone call?
00:00:51Isn't there a way I can not do both?
00:00:54I just want to keep him happy, Lambie.
00:00:58You don't understand him like I do.
00:01:01I can change him.
00:01:04I don't think the feeling's mutual.
00:01:06He can't stop insulting you. He called you a coward.
00:01:10I'm out of my depth here, Lambie.
00:01:13How did Liz Truss make this job look so easy?
00:01:19Look, we were worried you'd lose your nerves, so we've taken steps to help you gain unfounded confidence.
00:01:25Mr. Prime Minister, meet your Gen Z advisor, Atle Hoopy.
00:01:28What's up, Stamzy? Bow, bow, bow.
00:01:31Atle Hoopy is the most qualified person we have.
00:01:34He is the only person under 23 who voted Labour and would so again in the next election.
00:01:40You're not voting for the Green Party?
00:01:43Nah, my dad works in oil.
00:01:46No caps, Stamzy.
00:01:47I love you.
00:01:48And I do hearts this way.
00:01:49With my thumb.
00:01:51Thank you, Atle Hoopy.
00:01:53I love you too.
00:01:56Sir Keir is trying to set boundaries with the president while preserving their special relationship.
00:02:01Hmm, I see.
00:02:02Facts, facts.
00:02:03Okay, so you're looking for more of a special situationship.
00:02:07Okay, I've got you covered.
00:02:08I'm an expert in messy drama.
00:02:10I've been in three throuples and I'm currently gay.
00:02:16First thing you gotta do, you gotta forget the phone call these days.
00:02:19It's all about the voice note.
00:02:21I'll try anything.
00:02:22I'll do anything.
00:02:24Except take a stand.
00:02:28That is so keir-coded.
00:02:30Here, listen.
00:02:31Take the phone and just speak from the heart.
00:02:35Hi, Donald.
00:02:39I'm afraid I can't go to war with you.
00:02:42But that doesn't mean we can't still be chums.
00:02:46America and Britain have a long, proud tradition of cooperation.
00:02:51And nothing can take that away.
00:02:54Remember the good times.
00:02:56Remember D-Day.
00:02:59Remember Live Aid.
00:03:02Remember Iraq.
00:03:05For the first week and then none of the rest.
00:03:10Remember Helen Baxendale on Friends.
00:03:14Remember Hugh Laurie on Friends.
00:03:17Remember the episode of Friends where they all came to London.
00:03:21Remember the one where Joey put on all of childless clothes.
00:03:28That was a funny one.
00:03:30No, no, no.
00:03:31Uh, uh, uh, uh.
00:03:33Get back on track, Sirke.
00:03:35Yes.
00:03:35And, most importantly, remember the one where Ross and Rachel were on a break?
00:03:41I think perhaps that's what we need not forever just until you've got all this war out of your
00:03:48system listen we want different things I know how badly you want to start World War three and that's
00:03:56great absolutely do that but we can't be a part of it you can however use the naval bases whenever
00:04:07you want me bassa sue bassa
00:04:20good work sir Keir you did the bare minimum and that's all people expect thank you labby it just
00:04:30goes to show while we may not agree with everything America does we can still be
00:04:36civil and embrace their wonderful unproblematic
00:04:41culture speaking of which
00:04:45live from London
00:04:58it's Saturday night live
00:05:12I want a brown boy
00:05:19Larry Dean
00:05:26Celeste String
00:05:32George Fouracres
00:05:38Anya Magliano
00:05:44Annabelle Marlowe
00:05:49Al Nash
00:05:55Jack Sheff
00:06:01Emma Ciddy
00:06:08Paddy Yard
00:06:15Musical guest
00:06:17Wet Leg
00:06:21And your host
00:06:24Tina Fey
00:06:34Ladies and gentlemen
00:06:36Tina Fey
00:06:56Thank you very much
00:06:57Oh my gosh
00:06:58I am so excited
00:06:59To be here in London
00:07:01It is an absolute honor
00:07:02And honestly
00:07:03Kind of historic
00:07:04Guys I am the youngest person ever
00:07:08To host SNL UK
00:07:13Again my name is Tina Fey
00:07:16Here in the UK
00:07:18Here in the UK you might know me
00:07:20As the teacher from Mean Girls
00:07:21Or you might remember a long time ago
00:07:25When I played Sarah Palin on SNL US
00:07:30Or maybe you feel like you recognize me
00:07:33As the lady from the show Veep
00:07:36And that's fine too
00:07:37Let's go with that
00:07:38So why do a UK version of SNL
00:07:42Well like so many large scale
00:07:44American operations these days
00:07:46No one really knows why
00:07:50But here's what this is
00:07:52Okay it is a sketch comedy show
00:07:53There will be a different celebrity host each week
00:07:56There will be music performances
00:07:58And the show is truly live
00:08:00So things may go wrong
00:08:03Things may have already gone wrong
00:08:05My pants were supposed to be full length
00:08:08And I'm so excited for you to meet your cast
00:08:11They are wonderful
00:08:12I can't even begin to understand them when they speak
00:08:17One boy is either Scottish or choking
00:08:22But their energy is A plus
00:08:24And I'm going to stay out of their way tonight
00:08:27As much as possible
00:08:28I'm just here as a long time SNL employee
00:08:31To help out
00:08:33And to answer like any questions anyone might have
00:08:36Of what to explain
00:08:37Oh hi yeah Nicola Coughlin
00:08:43It is lovely to see you
00:08:45But my question is
00:08:46If this is SNL UK
00:08:48Then why are you the first host
00:08:51Like shouldn't it be like a British icon
00:08:53Like David Beckham
00:08:54Or Judy Dench
00:08:55Or like Shrek
00:08:58Wait Shrek is British?
00:09:00Scotland is in Britain
00:09:01Tina
00:09:02Educate yourself
00:09:04Well that is a valid question
00:09:07Why an American host?
00:09:08And the way it was explained to me
00:09:10Was that for this first episode anyway
00:09:14How do I put this politely?
00:09:16None of you fuckers would do it?
00:09:20Does that make sense?
00:09:21It does
00:09:21It does
00:09:22But is it possible that many of us
00:09:25Were a little reluctant
00:09:26To be in the first show
00:09:28Because this is going out in Britain
00:09:29And British people tend to
00:09:32Root for the failure of others
00:09:34Yes
00:09:35Why are you guys like that?
00:09:37Well not me
00:09:38I'm Irish
00:09:40Educate yourself
00:09:43Look that all is to say
00:09:44If this show is a hit
00:09:45And if you do ever happen
00:09:46To get Olly Murs
00:09:47For musical guest
00:09:48I would be honoured
00:09:49To come back
00:09:50And win a BAFTA for it
00:09:52Amazing
00:09:52Well that's great to know
00:09:53Thank you Nicola
00:09:58Any other questions?
00:10:00Oh sure
00:10:00Michael Cera
00:10:01Hi
00:10:06Hi Tina
00:10:07Hi Michael
00:10:08Why are you here?
00:10:09You're not British
00:10:10No I'm Canadian
00:10:12I'm Canadian
00:10:12It's part of the Commonwealth
00:10:13Educate yourself
00:10:15Sorry
00:10:17Sorry
00:10:18I don't really have a question
00:10:19But I just wanted to say
00:10:20I think you just swore
00:10:21A second ago
00:10:22You said the F word
00:10:23Oh yeah
00:10:24We are allowed to swear
00:10:25In this version of the show
00:10:30It's crazy
00:10:31Can I try?
00:10:33Sure
00:10:34If you want to
00:10:36Shit bird
00:10:38Just fucking
00:10:40Bollocks
00:10:42I think I would use it sparingly
00:10:44It feels kind of
00:10:44Unclassy
00:10:45Yeah you know what
00:10:46That's
00:10:46You're right
00:10:47I agree Michael
00:10:47That's a great note
00:10:48Thank you so much
00:10:52We have
00:10:53Time for one more
00:10:54Oh yes
00:10:55Graham Norton
00:10:59So nice to see you
00:11:00I just wondered
00:11:02Did you know
00:11:02That this is usually
00:11:03My studio
00:11:05Yeah I did hear that
00:11:06Graham thank you
00:11:07For loaning it to us
00:11:08Oh would you mind
00:11:09If I came up there
00:11:09And just showed you
00:11:10A fiddly thing
00:11:11About this place
00:11:12Oh I would love it
00:11:12Come on
00:11:13Graham Norton
00:11:13Everybody
00:11:15Great
00:11:17Thank you
00:11:18Thank you
00:11:18Thank you
00:11:19Yeah sure
00:11:20Now Tina
00:11:21I believe you've always
00:11:22Had a deep love
00:11:23Of British comedy
00:11:26Are you interviewing me now?
00:11:28Let me help you
00:11:30I have a gift
00:11:31For making American celebrities
00:11:33Likeable to a British audience
00:11:35Wait are we not
00:11:36Not likeable?
00:11:37Oh
00:11:39Hey I hear you have a really funny story
00:11:42About watching British television
00:11:44As a young child
00:11:46Oh well yes actually
00:11:47Growing up we thought
00:11:49That anything British
00:11:50Was educational
00:11:51So my parents showed us
00:11:53All British shows
00:11:54And we used to watch
00:11:55Benny Hill as a family
00:11:56No
00:11:57As a young girl
00:12:00You would watch
00:12:00Benny Hill
00:12:01Well you know
00:12:02It really messed me up sexually
00:12:05What about Ab Fab?
00:12:07Oh sweetie darling
00:12:08You're just a little shop girl darling
00:12:09Keeping up appearances
00:12:10Richard
00:12:12Monty Python
00:12:13That is an ex-parrot
00:12:14Fawlty Towers
00:12:15Nobody mention the war
00:12:17Are you being served?
00:12:18My pussy is like an alarm clock
00:12:21Reggie Perrin
00:12:22I didn't get where I am today
00:12:23By waffling
00:12:24Deep cut Montepalpin
00:12:25We lived in shoebox
00:12:27In middle of road
00:12:29EastEnders
00:12:30I killed Ethel
00:12:31Oh my
00:12:33David Bread
00:12:36David Bread
00:12:37There's been a rape up there
00:12:39And top trends
00:12:40Nothing beats a Jet 2 holiday
00:12:43Autoglass repair
00:12:44Autoglass replace
00:12:46Oh that's how you all know
00:12:47Everybody got it
00:12:48They're all yours now Tina
00:12:50All yours
00:12:50Thank you
00:12:51We've got a great show
00:12:52Wet Leg is here
00:12:53Stick your out
00:12:54And watch this
00:13:00When it comes to age defying skin care
00:13:03I don't need a time machine
00:13:05I just need something that works
00:13:08So I can bring back the spark in me
00:13:11And in us
00:13:14And now I've found it
00:13:16The anti-aging cream that works so well
00:13:19Everyone will think your husband
00:13:21Is a nonce
00:13:23Oi
00:13:23No no no no no
00:13:25She's my wife
00:13:26She's a girl
00:13:27Shut your mouth
00:13:28You make me sick
00:13:33Introducing Indourage
00:13:35With active compounds in hyaluronic acid
00:13:38Indourage delivers special protection for your skin
00:13:40And ensures your husband will need special protection when he's in jail
00:13:44My wife's skin has never looked more youthful and fresh
00:13:47It's destroyed my life
00:13:49Thanks Indourage
00:13:50My skin looks so fresh
00:13:52My husband can't go anywhere without being hunted by right wing pedophile catching militias
00:14:02Frank
00:14:03Someone's at the door
00:14:05Thanks Indourage
00:14:06My husband is no longer allowed within 200 feet of a score
00:14:10My husband lost his record deal
00:14:13And some but not all of his fans
00:14:18He loves the way I look
00:14:19Yeah but you know
00:14:21Not like that
00:14:22Sorry
00:14:23Excuse me
00:14:24Little girl
00:14:25Do you know this man?
00:14:28You sick bastard
00:14:31He's married to an Indourage girl
00:14:33He's married to an Indourage girl
00:14:36I'm married to an underage girl
00:14:39I'm going to have I pronounce that right
00:14:42No I didn't mean that
00:14:44No it's the name of the thing
00:14:47Indourage
00:14:49I'm not underage
00:14:50Or am I?
00:14:52She's not
00:14:52She's not
00:14:54Indourage by Peter Lay
00:15:05Hello
00:15:06I'm David Attenborough
00:15:08And it can't be long now
00:15:15As the only remaining national treasure not on that list
00:15:20I enjoy a place as one of 90% of the British public's dream dinner party guests
00:15:28But I'm often asked who would be on mine
00:15:31Well using DNA sampling and my own brother's Jurassic Park technology
00:15:38I have reanimated some of history's greatest Britons for one night only
00:15:44So that I can ask them what really makes Britain great
00:15:48This is David Attenborough's Last Supper
00:16:01I'd like to welcome my guests
00:16:04Prime Minister Winston Churchill
00:16:07Astronomer and mathematician Sir Isaac Newton
00:16:11Nurse Mary C. Cole
00:16:14Diana Princess of Wales
00:16:20Author Agatha Christie
00:16:23Poet Benjamin Zephaniah
00:16:26Freddie Mercury from Queen
00:16:31Elizabeth I from Being the Queen
00:16:36And surprise surprise
00:16:38It's Ella Black
00:16:40Hey off Chuck
00:16:43Thanks so much for hosting this dinner party Sir David
00:16:46You're very welcome Princess Di
00:16:49Now
00:16:52As this cloning technology
00:16:55Only works
00:16:57For one hour
00:16:59I'll cut to the chase
00:17:01What do you think
00:17:04Makes Britain
00:17:05Great
00:17:07Before we commence
00:17:09There is a mystery I should like to solve
00:17:12Are we doing starters
00:17:14I'm getting a starter
00:17:17I'm bleeding starving
00:17:18Yes
00:17:19Order whatever you like
00:17:20Tonight is about thrilling conversation
00:17:23And the greatness
00:17:24Of Great Britain
00:17:26Yes
00:17:27Winston Churchill
00:17:28Shall we get three starters for the table
00:17:31And do picky bits
00:17:35Freddie says he wants the croquettes
00:17:40I'd have the croquettes
00:17:41But I only want a little nibble
00:17:48Well hang on
00:17:50Hang on
00:17:50By my calculations
00:17:52There are three croquettes
00:17:54In one order
00:17:54And ten of us
00:17:55Therefore if we order three portions
00:17:57One person will miss out
00:17:58The solution is simple
00:18:00We order four
00:18:02That means that three people
00:18:04Will get two croquettes
00:18:05But who
00:18:06Another mystery
00:18:08Look
00:18:09Look look look
00:18:10Don't don't worry about the food
00:18:12The BBC have spared no expense
00:18:14Bringing you back to life
00:18:16I'm sure they're happy
00:18:18To cover one dinner
00:18:20At the Ivy
00:18:21Now
00:18:22As to the source
00:18:24Of Britain's greatness
00:18:26Not to be that person
00:18:27But I don't like croquettes
00:18:28I'd rather get the soup
00:18:29How about
00:18:30That's a lot of starter
00:18:31Just for you
00:18:32Have a day
00:18:33Freddy is right
00:18:36We should all have to pay
00:18:37For your starter
00:18:38No one's paying
00:18:39No one's paying
00:18:40It's
00:18:41It's covered guys
00:18:44Tonight
00:18:44It's about
00:18:46Sinterlighting conversation
00:18:48And
00:18:49Learning from each other
00:18:50Yes
00:18:51Benjamin Zephaniah
00:18:52Do you think each coffee
00:18:53Comes with a free rice
00:18:55If it has an asterisk
00:18:57Next to its name
00:18:58Then it comes
00:18:59With a free rice
00:19:01People on the street
00:19:03You're right Freddy
00:19:04There are some people
00:19:06On the street
00:19:06But that doesn't answer
00:19:08The question about
00:19:09Poppadoms
00:19:09Stop it
00:19:11Stop it now
00:19:14It doesn't matter
00:19:16What we have to eat
00:19:18I'll put that down
00:19:19Put it
00:19:20This experiment
00:19:23Has been a complete
00:19:24Waste of time
00:19:25And money
00:19:26The answer
00:19:27I was looking for
00:19:28As to what makes
00:19:29Britain truly great
00:19:30Was
00:19:31The NHS
00:19:32And centre parks
00:19:34There
00:19:36You've ruined it
00:19:37Dinner over
00:19:41Now we shall move on
00:19:43To the love making
00:19:44Portion of the evening
00:19:47Anybody who wants
00:19:49To leave
00:19:49Now's your chance
00:19:54Head over to
00:19:55iPlayer now
00:19:56To see the full
00:19:57Uncut edition
00:19:58Of David Attenborough's
00:19:59Last Supper
00:20:29blogger
00:20:29Flour
00:20:29twitter
00:20:29Towards the
00:20:41Heya! How you doing? I'm Ed Boobies. Welcome to Boobies Goes to the Films, the show about all things cinema.
00:20:49And this is a very special day. I'm pinching myself, to be honest. We've got Ricky Hall and Lena Phillips
00:20:54in the house.
00:20:56Boobies! What's happening? Good to be here.
00:21:00They're here to talk to us through their new film, Hot Streak, and they are two icons of cinema. I
00:21:05hope you don't mind me saying.
00:21:07No, I don't mind at all. Keep saying it.
00:21:12Lena, I've been a fan since your first film, Sunrise Eyes.
00:21:16Wow, that's a deep cut.
00:21:18Oh, yeah. Colt, that's a colour. And Ricky, Crazy Goat, underrated movie.
00:21:27Thanks so much, man.
00:21:28No, no, thank you. And I guess I'm trying to say, I love you and your work so much. I
00:21:33hope that's not too creepy.
00:21:34No, thank you.
00:21:35Thanks so much, man. Wow.
00:21:36Okay, so let's talk about Hot Streak. I watched this last night. It fucking sucked.
00:21:47It sucked. Excuse me?
00:21:49It sucked. So bad, like, all the way through. What happened?
00:22:00Lena, you first.
00:22:04Yeah, um, well, we loved working on this movie.
00:22:08Yeah, it was a dream to work with Vicky, our director.
00:22:11But why did it suck so bad, like, all the way through?
00:22:14Well, I don't think it sucked.
00:22:16It did.
00:22:18Did it?
00:22:19Yeah, all the way through.
00:22:21Where's our PR?
00:22:22No, no, he's gone to get me some fruit. Look.
00:22:26I could be wrong. I don't think I am.
00:22:29But I could be. Let's check out a clip.
00:22:33You have to listen to the TV, and you're our only...
00:22:35Oh.
00:22:38Oh, boo!
00:22:40This is sucking so bad, Vicky.
00:22:42You're not even acting there.
00:22:44I mean, you are acting, but it's so wrong and sour.
00:22:48You know?
00:22:49No, no, stop the tape. Stop the tape.
00:22:52It's just...
00:22:52That sucks.
00:22:56I just...
00:23:00I just know...
00:23:02If you tried...
00:23:03If everyone tried and, like, gave you everything,
00:23:06we could have got there.
00:23:08It didn't have to be good.
00:23:10You know, I don't need good.
00:23:12I just need it not to fucking suck.
00:23:15Like, all the way through.
00:23:17Can everything stop sucking all the time?
00:23:19Because it's making my life bad.
00:23:22Is that too much to ask?
00:23:24Please!
00:23:26Sorry.
00:23:27We're sorry.
00:23:29That's okay.
00:23:31Join us next time on Boobies Goes To The Films.
00:23:34I've been at Boobies wishing you a decent day.
00:23:37We are getting legend, baby.
00:23:44Get to work.
00:23:45What a time to be alive, people.
00:23:47My name is Turpin Turpin.
00:23:48Yep.
00:23:49Both my names are Turpin.
00:23:51Great job.
00:23:51All right.
00:23:52Jan, how are we doing?
00:23:53Good.
00:23:53Yeah.
00:23:53What do we do here?
00:23:54We're all working together to make the internet as bad as we can possibly get it.
00:23:58It's a team effort.
00:24:00I'm Jan.
00:24:00I'm almost 19 and I'm the password manager.
00:24:03Essentially, my job is just before you enter in a short, memorable password of your own,
00:24:08I come up with a very long and complicated one, I can't remember it, and then I don't.
00:24:14I'm the X-man.
00:24:15I do all the X's for online adverts.
00:24:17We try and make them smaller than any human finger.
00:24:19Even if you do manage the process, what does an X even mean?
00:24:22Sometimes it can mean, close this window.
00:24:24Sometimes it can mean, open four more windows.
00:24:27It can mean now.
00:24:28I think most people think it's the first one.
00:24:31Most people voted for Hitler.
00:24:35Sorry.
00:24:36I'm online a lot.
00:24:37Don't know what's real.
00:24:38The thing is, is there are websites that no one would ever intentionally visit.
00:24:43You know, no one actually wants to enter the Omaze house draw.
00:24:46No one is really owed money just for being born between 1995 and 1997.
00:24:50And no one intentionally clicks on Family Guy porn.
00:24:54Except me.
00:24:55But that's only because of how much I like to look at it.
00:24:59This is good, people.
00:24:59This is good.
00:25:01Woo!
00:25:02My speciality.
00:25:03I'm the guy who moves things at the last second so that people click on the wrong stuff online.
00:25:14Okay, she's about to click, stand by.
00:25:16Standing by.
00:25:22She's hovering.
00:25:25She's hovering.
00:25:29And...
00:25:29Budget.
00:25:35Annoying.
00:25:35Yes!
00:25:38Yes!
00:25:39Yes!
00:25:40Yes!
00:25:41That's five seconds.
00:25:42She won't get back.
00:25:44So.
00:25:46We got her.
00:25:48Oh, this is beautiful.
00:25:51Do you get paid?
00:25:52No.
00:25:53No, no, no, no.
00:25:55But let me ask you this.
00:25:56Let me ask you this.
00:25:57Do you get paid for your job?
00:25:59Yeah.
00:26:02Interesting.
00:26:10Gosh, ten hours of labour.
00:26:12Doesn't look like this little man's in a rush.
00:26:14Why is it taking so long?
00:26:16Don't worry.
00:26:17He's just a bit...
00:26:18He's just a bit shy.
00:26:21Oh.
00:26:21Oh, look at it.
00:26:22He's just...
00:26:23Oh, bless him.
00:26:24Well, there's not wrong with being shy, is there?
00:26:27Oh, not wrong at all.
00:26:29I think I prefer a shy one, to be honest.
00:26:32I'm out of my way.
00:26:33I'm Dr. Amanda Miller.
00:26:34I graduated Harvard.
00:26:35Summa cum laude.
00:26:36My kids are very mean to me, but I don't have time to get into that right now.
00:26:40Wait, where's the obstetrician here?
00:26:42He's just a bit shy, isn't he?
00:26:44I wish that was the case.
00:26:45I'm so sorry, Mrs. Cook.
00:26:47But your baby is not shy.
00:26:48He's something much more sinister.
00:26:51He's pretending to be shy for attention.
00:26:58And we need to act fast before it metastasizes.
00:27:01But this all seems a bit dramatic.
00:27:04Yeah, well, unless you want your son to be an adult man who is addicted to cancelling plans,
00:27:08let me do my goddamn job.
00:27:13Well, wait, hang on.
00:27:14What if he's shy around strangers, but he lets his guard down around people he trusts?
00:27:19Like an introverted extrovert.
00:27:21Yeah, those are essentially a myth.
00:27:23Most people who make a big deal out of being shy are, medically speaking, fake-ass divas.
00:27:30That son of mine's going to be a obstetrician here.
00:27:33He's just a bit shy, isn't he?
00:27:35I wish that was the case.
00:27:36I'm so sorry, Mrs. Cook.
00:27:37But your baby is not shy.
00:27:39He's something much more sinister.
00:27:41He's pretending to be shy for attention.
00:27:48And we need to act fast before it metastasizes.
00:27:52But this all seems a bit dramatic.
00:27:54Yeah, well, unless you want your son to be an adult man who is addicted to cancelling plans,
00:27:59let me do my goddamn job.
00:28:03Well, wait, hang on.
00:28:05What if he's shy around strangers, but he lets his guard down around people he trusts?
00:28:10It's like an introverted extrovert.
00:28:12Yeah, those are essentially a myth.
00:28:14Most people who make a big deal out of being shy are, medically speaking, fake-ass divas.
00:28:20That son of mine's going to be a fake-ass diva.
00:28:24I mean, look, I'm no doctor.
00:28:27I'm just a stupid rocket scientist.
00:28:29But I think he's genuinely shy.
00:28:33OK, but, like, now he's dancing.
00:28:44I'm just like, why would a genuinely shy person do that?
00:28:48Wait, he's quite good.
00:28:51Oh, my God.
00:28:52He is quite good.
00:28:55He's not amazing, but he's quite good.
00:28:58He's got spirit.
00:28:59You can tell he's actually enjoying himself.
00:29:02Hey!
00:29:03Ho!
00:29:04Hey!
00:29:05Ho!
00:29:06Mr. and Mrs. Cook, this is serious.
00:29:08OK, an authentically shy person would not pop their puss in this manner.
00:29:15Oh, Harry.
00:29:17Maybe she's right.
00:29:18What if our son is giving cringe,
00:29:21only claiming to be socially awkward when it suits him?
00:29:24They'll slash them.
00:29:26He's sitting in the corner at parties because he gets overwhelmed,
00:29:30but then he's the loudest and most abrasive person there by quite some distance.
00:29:36The type of bitch to give a presentation at work
00:29:38and make the whole thing about how nervous he is,
00:29:40even though it's like,
00:29:41girl, you volunteered to do this.
00:29:44Oh, no.
00:29:46Now he's holding his hands out to show that they're shaking,
00:29:48but it's obvious it's him who's making it happen.
00:29:52Oh!
00:29:53Doctor, do something!
00:29:55Grab a leg.
00:29:57Honey, are you the diamond in my wedding ring
00:30:00because you are fake as hell
00:30:01and we can see right through you, OK?
00:30:05OK, well, he's dancing again.
00:30:07Oh, God.
00:30:08Doctor, please!
00:30:09We just want him out of there, safe and sound!
00:30:13Fine.
00:30:14I promised myself I would never do this.
00:30:18Hey, sweetie.
00:30:19How are you feeling?
00:30:21So, um, a bunch of us are thinking of doing karaoke.
00:30:26Stop!
00:30:26Don't leave without me!
00:30:29But I'm literally just going to watch.
00:30:31Woo!
00:30:32Ah!
00:30:34He's coming!
00:30:34He's coming!
00:30:35Oh!
00:30:36Oh!
00:30:37Congratulations!
00:30:38He's a nightmare!
00:30:54Ladies and gentlemen, Wet Leg!
00:30:57Woo!
00:31:04Nice try.
00:31:06Get out the way.
00:31:32You think I'm pretty, you think I'm pretty cool.
00:31:36You want to fuck me?
00:31:38I know most people do.
00:31:40You take this packet, you read it, it says March 2.
00:31:43I gave you magic beans.
00:31:45I hope you're gonna get out soon.
00:31:47Oh, man, I hope you're gonna get out soon.
00:31:51I really hope you're gonna get out soon.
00:31:55Oh, man, I hope you're gonna get out soon.
00:32:02Good job.
00:32:04Good job.
00:32:04Give you an A.
00:32:05A golden star.
00:32:07You think I'm clever.
00:32:09Good God.
00:32:11She took a break.
00:32:13Made a mistake.
00:32:14But she can't travel.
00:32:17Oh!
00:32:29You think I'm pretty, you think I'm pretty cool.
00:32:34Don't you want to fuck me?
00:32:35I know most people do.
00:32:37But take this packet, you read it, it says March 2.
00:32:41I gave you magic beans.
00:32:42I hope you're gonna get out soon.
00:32:45I really hope you're gonna get out soon.
00:32:49Oh, man, I hope you're gonna get out soon.
00:32:52I really hope you're gonna get out soon.
00:32:55Oh, man, I know you're up at night, you're stove and you're full of light.
00:33:03A dream that the hill is crooked from the wind that bites.
00:33:10You say you're lost at sea, all the R&A light.
00:33:17You're washed up irrelevant and standing in my blood.
00:33:24You're standing in my blood.
00:33:28You're standing in my blood.
00:33:32You're standing in my blood.
00:33:38You're standing in my blood.
00:33:38You think I'm pretty, you think I'm pretty cool.
00:33:41You say I scare you, I don't ask me for you.
00:33:45This is the real world, honey.
00:33:47Yeah, baby.
00:33:48Spider, everything, no business, just no getting cool.
00:33:52Nice job.
00:33:53Nice job.
00:34:07Get out of the way.
00:34:09You're in our way.
00:34:11Get lost forever.
00:34:19HappyFact衍.
00:34:23Sit down!
00:34:31Good night!
00:34:33Nice job!
00:34:35Oh, my God.
00:34:36And your...
00:34:39We're coming.
00:34:42We'll show you.
00:34:50It's Weekend Update with Anya Magliano and Paddy Young.
00:35:03Hey, I'm Paddy Young.
00:35:06And I'm Anya Magliano.
00:35:12Coming up on tonight's Weekend Update, paedophilia, but first, war.
00:35:20Yesterday in a shock U-turn, Keir Starmer finally gave his consent for President Trump to use
00:35:25British bases to protect the Strait of Hormuz, at which point Trump said, consent, now you've
00:35:31taken all the fun out of it.
00:35:35As Iranian strikes continue to hit Dubai, the cost of chartering a private jet has risen
00:35:40so high that many influencers have been struggling to flee.
00:35:44I must stress, though, it's not all good news.
00:35:52If any influencers are killed, and again, we can only hope they are, at least they'll
00:35:58be easy to identify by their dental records.
00:36:00They're the massive white ones made in Turkey.
00:36:04You've got to feel for them.
00:36:05They went there to evade income tax, and now they have to evade income in a tax.
00:36:10We're now three weeks into the Iran war, which started with the death of one Ayatollah Khamenei and
00:36:16the appointment of another Ayatollah Khamenei.
00:36:18Khamenei, two but one's dead now.
00:36:27Not everyone in NATO wants to get involved.
00:36:31German Defence Minister Boris Pistorius said there would be no military participation from
00:36:35Germany.
00:36:36Where was this energy in 1939?
00:36:42Also, is there a more evil name than Boris Pistorius?
00:36:48How do you do?
00:36:49The name's Saddam Walliams.
00:36:55The head of the Asian Football Confederation said this week that Iran is still set to play
00:37:01at the upcoming World Cup in America.
00:37:03If Iran does take part, America has guaranteed that all of their matches will be refereeing
00:37:08by a completely impartial MQ-9 Reaper drone.
00:37:13We all know the supply of oil has been affected by this war, but the Strait of Hormuz is also
00:37:19the primary route for a third of the world's helium.
00:37:21A spokesperson for the helium industry said...
00:37:31We've run out of helium.
00:37:41With pressure mounting to secure the Strait of Hormuz and the Royal Navy almost completely
00:37:47out of action, the government have decided to send in the only British naval captain who's
00:37:52ready to go.
00:37:53So, please welcome Captain Birdseye!
00:37:55Come on!
00:38:00Even me, hearties!
00:38:03Now, Captain, I think the question a lot of people at home are asking is, why is the government
00:38:11sending a fish-finger man to a red-hot war zone?
00:38:15Fish-finger man?
00:38:16I am the purveyor of the finest fish-fingers in the land.
00:38:20Succulent cod fillets and a perfectly crispy golden crumb.
00:38:23Only the best for the captain's table.
00:38:25Fish-finger?
00:38:26Captain Birdseye, can I remind you, this is a military operation.
00:38:30Exactly.
00:38:31Preparation.
00:38:32Timing.
00:38:32Control.
00:38:33Six minutes one side, turn.
00:38:36Six minutes the other.
00:38:38Now, that's what I call a proper fish-finger.
00:38:40Fish-finger?
00:38:42You're about to be deployed to a ramp.
00:38:44Can you stop banging on about fish-fingers?
00:38:46Fine.
00:38:47We also do chicken dibbers, potato waffles, and for some reason, the devil only knows, peas.
00:38:54Captain, there are real lives at stake here.
00:38:57Oh.
00:38:58You want to get real, do you, you scurvy little deck rat?
00:39:02All right, answer me this.
00:39:04You think I've spent the last five decades sailing around in a 150-foot schooner with 300
00:39:10singing children just to sell fish-fingers, do ye?
00:39:13I'm sorry, did you say 300 singing children?
00:39:15Because I'll tell you what's real, you bilge-drinkin' haddock.
00:39:20What's real is the nation's favourite fish-fingers are just a cover for my actual work.
00:39:25Special Forces black-up savagery that would haunt your dreams.
00:39:29What's real is opening up a Serbian mercenary's neck with a machete.
00:39:34Watching it yawn open, hot and steaming, like a split fish-finger.
00:39:39This is insane!
00:39:41Insane!
00:39:42I'll show you insane!
00:39:45Are those human fingers?
00:39:47Only the best for the captain's table!
00:39:51Captain Birdseye, everyone!
00:39:53Another new hero!
00:39:59Renovations to Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's new home, Marsh Farm, have been taking place over the last month,
00:40:05including the installation of Sky TV.
00:40:09So, if you're watching, Andrew, hello!
00:40:12You're not gonna like this next bit.
00:40:15Also, I'm older than I look.
00:40:23Andrew's new residence, Marsh Farm, is, of course, named after the nearby marsh where his body will be found.
00:40:33It was reported this week that the police investigation into Andrew is set to widen.
00:40:38The big question now is, if Andrew is charged, found guilty and put in prison, will he be able to
00:40:43keep his mouth shut?
00:40:44I hope not, said his cellmate's penis.
00:40:54Conservative leader, Kemi Badenoch, told Times Radio that she would confront a shoplifter if they were, quote,
00:41:00not too big.
00:41:03So, rest assured, if you shoplift and Kemi does try to stop you, it means she thinks you're skinny!
00:41:11In showbiz news, feuding father and son, David and Brooklyn Beckham, narrowly miss each other whilst at the same Beverly
00:41:17Hills Hotel.
00:41:18The feud began when Victoria was, quote,
00:41:21inappropriately close with her son at his wedding,
00:41:23and escalated after Brooklyn accidentally yelled out his wife's name during sex with his mum.
00:41:38The award-winning TV series, It's a Sin, is set to be adapted for the stage as a dance show,
00:41:44as if a TV show about the AIDS crisis could get any gayer.
00:41:52Tonight, the K-pop band BTS are launching their New World Tour.
00:41:56My worry is, with 82 dates across 23 countries,
00:42:00the stress of the tour is going to put a strain on Jimin and V's soulmate relationship.
00:42:05Sure, J-Hope nurtures Suga's inner child,
00:42:07but will Jimin's teasing of Suga make V jealous?
00:42:10And can RM give enough skinship to baby Jungkook while melting at J-Hope's laugh?
00:42:14Will his dimples still be popping at Jimin's cuteness after an 82-date tour?
00:42:19No idea.
00:42:21I'm not really that into BTS.
00:42:24For Weekend Update, I'm Anu Magliano.
00:42:26And I'm Paddy Young.
00:42:27Goodbye!
00:42:27an Academic
00:42:29an
00:42:29an
00:42:29an
00:42:44an
00:43:09Please be safe in London, Will.
00:43:12Nay, worry not, wife.
00:43:14I will be nothing but safe,
00:43:16for all I will think of is returning to thee and our boy, Hamnet.
00:43:23What about our daughters?
00:43:25I must away.
00:43:27My production of The Tempest begins anon.
00:43:33Adieu.
00:43:47Tempest was a hit.
00:43:50Me thinks I might write another of these plays.
00:43:56Will, thou art returned.
00:43:58Did I not tell thee I would?
00:44:00But hast thou nothing to say?
00:44:04I have sorely missed thee.
00:44:07Likewise, my dear wife, likewise.
00:44:09But dost thou not think I appear chinged?
00:44:15Tis hard to fix mine eyes on anything for the blood that doth course in mine veins on the sweet
00:44:21return of thee to me.
00:44:23Really look at me, though.
00:44:27What vexes thee?
00:44:29I've got a cunty little earring.
00:44:36Oh, so it is.
00:44:37The hour is upon me.
00:44:38I must to London.
00:44:40My staging of Macbeth awaiteth.
00:44:45Thou well will.
00:44:47Well, I will wait upon thy return.
00:45:05William, thou art returned.
00:45:09Good day, wife.
00:45:11Good day, Hamnet.
00:45:18Will, how London hath changed thee.
00:45:23Come, wife.
00:45:25Let me sit and put me fate up.
00:45:29What art thou wearing?
00:45:31Oh, dost like it?
00:45:34Tis me slutty little chain.
00:45:40Tis all the rage in London.
00:45:43I must to London.
00:45:47My next staging awaits.
00:45:50Henry IV, part two.
00:45:53Henry V.
00:45:57Let not London change thee too much.
00:46:14We will call them and return it.
00:46:20Pulse.
00:46:25Hey, family.
00:46:29Will, mine eyes do not recognize thee.
00:46:34Girl.
00:46:35Tis me bitch.
00:46:37Will, thou art a different man.
00:46:40Peace, wife.
00:46:41I be you, Shakespeare.
00:46:42The remix be Troy Sivan.
00:46:47Tis not thee, Will.
00:46:49Tis so, bitch.
00:46:51Thou art in Stratford-upon-Avon, and I've been in London upon Ketamin.
00:46:58I'm like Charlie XCX.
00:47:00Sorry.
00:47:00Charlie 10, 110.
00:47:06I'm in my glow era.
00:47:07I'm in my glow up era, honey.
00:47:11What's an era?
00:47:12We are in one, bitch.
00:47:15Mine.
00:47:18My wife, I bring gifts.
00:47:20This is called a tote bag.
00:47:24I want that not.
00:47:29Wig, my girl.
00:47:31Thou'st look cunty for sure.
00:47:35What does the C word mean?
00:47:38Hmm.
00:47:39Methinks I can't explain.
00:47:41It's not a bad word.
00:47:42It's a good thing.
00:47:44A great thing.
00:47:45It's bleached brows.
00:47:47It's the cast of Desperate Housewives.
00:47:50It's cabin crew.
00:47:52Bald head on a woman.
00:47:53The Elizabeth line.
00:47:54A thin woman eating a big plate of meat.
00:47:56It is as the riddles play upon thy tongue.
00:47:59Thou art just gagged.
00:48:05Hamlet's ate the powder within your coin purse.
00:48:16He'll be fine.
00:48:18Tis but a K hole.
00:48:21And you know what hitteth hard in the hole?
00:48:23Rihanna, bitch.
00:48:26We're falling out and I'm all afraid.
00:48:30Don't screw it, my friend.
00:48:33We're falling out and I'm all afraid.
00:48:37We're falling out and I'm all afraid.
00:48:41We're falling out and I'm all afraid.
00:48:48You've seen the film.
00:48:50You've heard the musical.
00:48:53Now experience the experience.
00:48:57The live Paddington Bear experience.
00:49:00This is so exciting.
00:49:02We can't believe we're actually going to meet Paddington, aren't we?
00:49:04We brought marmalade sandwiches.
00:49:07It's Claren Hentu.
00:49:09We got bands from Magic Mike because Liz Kett's groping Magic Mike.
00:49:14Watch out, Paddington.
00:49:16I can't wait to meet that little bear.
00:49:21Welcome to 32 Windsor Gardens.
00:49:25At London's most immersive experience, get closer to Paddington than ever before.
00:49:32Now, who here would like to meet a very rare sort of bear?
00:49:38Yay!
00:49:40Janet!
00:49:41Open the cage!
00:49:42A place where memories last forever.
00:49:52Paddington?
00:49:55Paddington?
00:50:08Why did we hire a real bear?
00:50:10Well, I know we wanted to hire the little actress from the musical, but she wanted too much money.
00:50:15And I had seen the bear in something.
00:50:18He was amazing.
00:50:19What was it?
00:50:28The zoo.
00:50:29I had seen him at the zoo.
00:50:33That was amazing.
00:50:34Yeah, well, I've lost half my face.
00:50:36Yeah, I've gained some of the reason.
00:50:39None of that happened in the films.
00:50:42That was a lot more blood than I thought there'd be.
00:50:45And at Paddington's photo booth, we'll be sure to capture all of the magic.
00:50:50Well, I was actually on a terrible date, but let's just say I didn't need to ask for Angela.
00:50:55I asked for Paddington.
00:50:59The Guardian calls it truly unforgettable.
00:51:02He said he likes marmalade.
00:51:04He doesn't like marmalade.
00:51:05He likes human hands.
00:51:10I've always thought that three kids was a bit too many.
00:51:13And now I've got the optimum amount.
00:51:17None.
00:51:18The sage says, inarguably immersive.
00:51:21Do I have any regrets?
00:51:22Well, in retrospect, maybe hot glue gunning the hat to the bear's head may have made it more angry.
00:51:32I'm taking it to Broadway regardless.
00:51:35The live Paddington bear experience.
00:51:37Book before June 25th and get a free tetanus jab.
00:51:42Found a foot.
00:51:44Has anyone lost a foot?
00:51:45No.
00:51:48No.
00:51:49No.
00:51:50No.
00:51:50No.
00:51:52Once again, wet leg.
00:52:11Can you catch a medicine ball?
00:52:14Can you catch yourself when you fall?
00:52:18You should be careful.
00:52:19Do you catch my drift?
00:52:21Because what I really want to know is can you catch these fish?
00:52:25Yeah.
00:52:26Yeah.
00:52:27Yeah.
00:52:28Yeah.
00:52:29Yeah.
00:52:30Yeah.
00:52:30Man down.
00:52:33Yeah.
00:52:34Yeah.
00:52:35Yeah.
00:52:36Yeah.
00:52:37Yeah.
00:52:37Yeah.
00:52:38Level up.
00:52:39I know all too well just let you laugh.
00:52:46I don't want you to laugh.
00:52:49I just want you to fight.
00:52:56We're on our way to the club.
00:53:01Stupid is super dust.
00:53:04We're not even racking up.
00:53:08Get to me.
00:53:10Giddy up.
00:53:10Yeah.
00:53:12Yeah.
00:53:13Yeah.
00:53:14Yeah.
00:53:15Yeah.
00:53:16Yeah.
00:53:16Yeah.
00:53:17Man down.
00:53:19Yeah.
00:53:20Yeah.
00:53:21Yeah.
00:53:22Yeah.
00:53:23Yeah.
00:53:24Yeah.
00:53:24Level up.
00:53:25I know all too well just let you laugh.
00:53:32I don't want you to laugh.
00:53:34I just want to fight.
00:53:36Shh.
00:53:36Shh.
00:53:37Yeah.
00:53:40Yeah.
00:53:42He don't get pussy, get the boo
00:53:44I saw him sippin' on dark food
00:53:46This always happens late at night
00:53:48Some guy comes up, says I'm his type
00:53:50I just threw up in my mouth
00:53:52When he just tried to ask me out
00:53:53Don't approach me, I just wanna dance with my friends
00:53:57Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:54:02Man down
00:54:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:54:09Level up
00:54:10I know I'll do well, just want your life
00:54:17I don't want your love, I just wanna fight
00:54:24I know I'll do well, just want your life
00:54:31I don't want your love, I just wanna fight
00:54:47Man down
00:55:12I don't want your love, I just wanna fight
00:55:25Four things, thank you.
00:55:36Oh, Jane, look at you.
00:55:40Divorced, saggy, alone.
00:55:42What a sad little life, Jane.
00:55:46Fancy bra fitting?
00:55:50Sure, yeah, I've actually lost a ton of weight.
00:55:53Oh, good for you.
00:55:55Due to immense stress, I have a bad life.
00:55:58I'm sorry to hear that.
00:56:00Well, I'm just going to do it around your top, OK?
00:56:02So, here we go.
00:56:04We've got the middle, that's 38 inches, so, yeah, that's quite wide.
00:56:08And cup size, that's a B, so it's small.
00:56:13You're not happy with that?
00:56:14Oh, 38B, that's not exactly a sexy bra size, and feels kind of schlubby.
00:56:21Oh.
00:56:23Would you like me to zhuzh?
00:56:26Huh?
00:56:27Zhuzh it up a bit for the surrounds.
00:56:31What does that mean?
00:56:32A zhuzh for the surrounds.
00:56:35Right, OK.
00:56:36So, I come back in, and I zhuzh, right?
00:56:39I very loudly make a point of how big your bra size is.
00:56:43These out there don't know what you're really measured as.
00:56:47Wink, wink.
00:56:49Is that a British thing?
00:56:50It is a thing.
00:56:53Do you want to give it a go?
00:56:54It is a free service.
00:56:56Sure.
00:56:57Won't be long, ladies, I'm just doing a fitting.
00:57:00Oh, my goodness.
00:57:02Wow.
00:57:03These are going to measure up nicely.
00:57:06So, we're going to start with the width.
00:57:08Very petite.
00:57:10But your cup size is...
00:57:13Big?
00:57:14Big cup size, right?
00:57:16Oh, crikey.
00:57:17Yeah, they've got a real weight to them.
00:57:19Oh, fantastic.
00:57:21In fact, I'm surprised...
00:57:23You don't topple over.
00:57:24You don't topple over.
00:57:26With a great big rack like that, my bit.
00:57:30Oh, oh, four, you nearly poked my eye out.
00:57:35You've heard of Pinocchio?
00:57:36Well, you're like that, but the nose is big, lovely bazombas.
00:57:41Is that OK?
00:57:42Yeah, that's good.
00:57:44So, I'm happy to tell you, what size would you like, darling?
00:57:47Like, big, but keep it classy, like double D is good.
00:57:49Oh, no, we're going bigger than that.
00:57:52You're a gorgeous, petite and perky, 28G.
00:57:58What an absolute pair.
00:58:02Oh, how's that feel?
00:58:03I feel amazing.
00:58:06Thank you so much, Miss...
00:58:08Juggs.
00:58:09They call me Juggs.
00:58:13Right.
00:58:15Here we go.
00:58:17Put these back on the rack, Jackie.
00:58:20They were so far too small for this customer's great big buzies.
00:58:26Lovely tits you got there, miss.
00:58:31Juggs, wait.
00:58:33Is there anything else that you could zhuzh for me?
00:58:36Like, for the surrounds?
00:58:39My 2026 is kind of rough.
00:58:41Like, basically, I was responsible for editing this British film award ceremony.
00:58:49Let's just say I did not get it right.
00:58:53It's a zhuzh for the surrounds, darling.
00:58:56Not for the soul.
00:58:59But you'll be all right with those great, big, wicked knockers.
00:59:04Uh, excuse me.
00:59:09Reggae Jean-Page, what are you doing in the women's changing rooms?
00:59:12Oh, it's a long and sexy story.
00:59:16Listen, I don't usually do this, but...
00:59:18Can I buy you a drink on the fifth floor next to the baby clothes and electricals?
00:59:24Sure, I could do that.
00:59:29Thanks for changing my life.
00:59:35Tiny little tits.
00:59:37They were small.
00:59:38Those tits were small.
00:59:4344 seconds with four hikers.
00:59:52What kind of Irish is your grandad?
00:59:56What kind of Irish is your gramps?
00:59:59Is he this?
01:00:00Come here to me.
01:00:01Which one of you little gabs should I throw a heap of phobes in my window?
01:00:04You better tell me.
01:00:05Because I know you're that, and I know you're that, and I know you're that.
01:00:08What kind of Irish is your grandad?
01:00:11Is he this?
01:00:12So that's a picture of me back in 82 on the 12th with the King William Lodge.
01:00:16You know, the can all the ones have been a ballot shirt and a death print.
01:00:18What kind of Irish is your grandad?
01:00:22Is he this?
01:00:22I'll bring them round the back.
01:00:23I'll put four new shoes on and don't worry about them.
01:00:25I'll bring them round the shoes on and don't worry about them.
01:00:27I'll put the salt of any men's back.
01:00:29Bastard.
01:00:29What kind of Irish is your grandad?
01:00:32Is he this?
01:00:33The grand you will eat, just our soul.
01:00:36Ugly arm, a limb, a guard.
01:00:39Gweal, a fiend, is the golden spawnek.
01:00:42It's kind of regular gold.
01:00:59Wow!
01:01:02Wow!
01:01:03Nicola Coughlin from the Dairy Girls.
01:01:06No, it's Dairy Girls.
01:01:09It doesn't matter, Nicola Coughlin. None of this is real.
01:01:14Good night, God bless, love you.
01:01:2044 seconds with four ideas.
01:01:27My biggest thanks to wet leg, Nicola Coughlin, Michael Cera, Graham Norton, Greg and Jean Page,
01:01:35and a huge thank you to the cast and writers and everyone for welcoming me here
01:01:41and making it such a great week.
01:01:43Congratulations, SNL UK is born!
01:01:47Thank you, God bless you.
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