- 7 minutes ago
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00:00I
00:51Stop, Thief!
01:03Ah!
01:07Ah!
01:25Hello.
01:27Hello.
01:28What do you think you're doing throwing partially drunk milk bottles through my window?
01:32Well, you haven't got a doorbell, have you?
01:34No, we haven't got a doorbell, but you could have knocked, couldn't you?
01:37No, I couldn't, actually, cos I've sprained my wrist.
01:39Have you? How do you do that?
01:41Throwing the bottle through the window.
01:45Anyway, that's not even my window!
01:49That's my window!
01:51Oh, that one! That one. Now, come inside.
02:02So, Jim, what's those two birds doing in here, then?
02:04Oh, Bob, it was terrible last night. My dad had his weeds bored out.
02:08So?
02:09Them's me auntie and uncle.
02:11Jim, what on earth is your father up to all there?
02:14Bob! Brilliant! Look!
02:16The Alan Ladd Memorial Heel Bar.
02:18And he'll do your shoes for you.
02:20I don't believe it.
02:21Come over, he will!
02:22I do not believe it.
02:24Hello there.
02:25Father!
02:26Father!
02:31Father!
02:32Will you do Bob's shoes for him?
02:34Good afternoon, sir.
02:37Have you known Mexico long?
02:38Or do you use a cordless telephone?
02:41Holidays, it's nice.
02:44Always nice to get away with the long-lasting bar.
02:47Oui, oui!
02:48Ooh!
02:48I mustn't say that, sir.
02:49Jim, Jim, can we just go?
02:51What's the matter?
02:51What are your heels doing?
02:52Anyway, dig in, sir.
02:54It's all free.
02:55I don't know what I'm doing, actually.
02:56It's quite embarrassing.
02:57Father!
02:58We're just going away for the weekend.
03:01It's a lovely Heel Bar. It really is.
03:03Very smart.
03:04Very talented.
03:05Very multi-talented.
03:10All right, grass snake man.
03:12All right.
03:25All right.
03:33You have an important uncle coming round to borrow your Argos catalogue.
03:38You've got an important uncle, haven't you, Bob?
03:39Yep.
03:40Mary Castlebridge.
03:41That's the one, yeah.
03:43Anyway, he's coming round to borrow your Argos catalogue, but unfortunately you've mislaid
03:48it, so instead you lent him, A, a carrier bag full of old engine parts.
03:53B, a carpet with an elves head cut out of the middle.
03:58C, a box of contaminated soil with the words Ministry of Defence on it.
04:06D, an afro-call previously used for grounding.
04:11E, a 70-year-old Stilton with a tight woman's belt road is.
04:17That's probably one of those nice bright red belts that you like, Bob.
04:20Yeah, they're smart then.
04:21Answer on back.
04:23Jim, it doesn't matter.
04:24He's not coming.
04:25How did you not answer to that?
04:27Because he telephoned me and said his axle's cracked.
04:31Give me that paper here.
04:32Let's see what's on this weekend.
04:41Meat festival.
04:42Meat festival.
04:43Hey, we like meat, don't we?
04:44Meat's smart.
04:45Let's go then, yeah?
04:46Come on then.
04:46How are we?
04:54How are you, Jim, Mum?
04:54We'll be late.
04:55The coach goes in half an hour.
05:08We'll be late.
05:10Looking for outside mirrors?
05:13But it's enough for the motor of the night.
05:27Hello there.
05:28I'm your driver, Spencer Pendle.
05:31Now, we've got a nice clean bus here
05:34And I'd like to keep it that way if you don't mind
05:37Now that means no litter or loose paper
05:42Are you listening, woman?
05:45I can smell drink on you a breath
05:47You're an alcoholic, aren't you?
05:50Go on, get off
05:51Get off my bus
06:00Right
06:01Let's go
06:13All right, Jim
06:15All right, Bob
06:16Now, Jim, can you tell me
06:19What popular mask I'm thinking of?
06:22Well, now, Bob, you could be thinking of two masks
06:25You could be thinking of The Phantom of the Opera
06:26Which is quite popular at the moment
06:28Or you could be thinking of The Lone Ranger
06:30Well, which one are you saying?
06:33The Phantom of the Opera?
06:34No, Batman's
06:36I knew it as well
06:38All right, Jim
06:38All right, Bob
06:40Now, it's Saturday afternoon, right?
06:42And I'm having a nice bit of care
06:45Is it a Battenberg, a Dirt and Walnut
06:49Or a nice fresh cream spoon?
06:51Oh, that's easy, Bob
06:52It's a nice fresh cream spoon
06:54No, it's not
06:55Because it's Saturday, you see
06:56It's a Battenberg
06:57Don't
06:58Oh, you gave us a pull as well
07:00Closing the question
07:01What's an arse?
07:05Meat festival
07:14Wait a minute
07:16I know you two
07:17You've murdered my brother
07:19And his family
07:21Brutally mind
07:23Seven years ago
07:24To this very day
07:27Well, you don't get away with that sort of behaviour with me
07:43Wow
07:44Nice
07:44Featuring the Red Arrows
07:49Look, Jim
07:49If it's what you really want
07:51Why don't you just buy it?
07:52I don't know
07:54Maybe I'll go and have a look at some others
07:55What's your life?
07:58Can I lay a deposit on it?
08:00What?
08:02No
08:03A monetary deposit
08:16We're having a laugh here, aren't we?
08:18Yeah
08:24Come on, let's have a look at the other stall
08:26All right
08:35Hello
08:36Hello
08:42Turkey seepage
08:42Can I try this one, please?
08:44Certainly, sir
08:44I think you'll like that
08:46My husband scraped it out last month
08:48Oh, brilliant
08:55Shut the word
08:56I must have this meat
09:00That gentleman over there has laid a deposit on this meat
09:03He's done what?
09:05No
09:06No
09:06A monetary deposit
09:07No
09:12No
09:18No
09:19No
09:19No
09:20No
09:20No
09:20No
09:21Perfect
09:22Perfect
09:22I'll take that, please
09:30Right, I think I've made my mind up
09:32There's just a couple of questions
09:33One
09:34One
09:35Is it less than 30% fat?
09:37Yes
09:39Two
09:40Bob thinks it might be a bit heavy, so can I test it?
09:44Yes
09:44Thanks
09:46It's all right
09:49I think I'm going to take it
09:50Oh, brilliant
09:52I hope I'm doing the right thing
09:53I think you are doing the right thing, yeah
09:55It's a nice meat
09:56Excuse me
09:57What?
09:58We will buy that meat product from you
10:00No, I put a lot of thought into this
10:02Yeah, you put a lot of thought into it
10:04We'll give you £300 for it
10:05No
10:06No, you should have got here earlier, see, because the early bird catches the crop
10:10Time loves a hero
10:12He who waits is great
10:14Come by, army lordy
10:16Oh, come all ye faithful
10:18Chiggly on pumple
10:21We showed you no marks, didn't we, now on your bike
10:24Bye, you're all
10:25Bye, you're all
10:27Bye, you're all
10:38Piled onions
10:48Hello, hello
10:49Could we have a double room for the evening place?
10:52Certainly, sir
10:53We have a standard room tariff
10:54With ensuite shower, air conditioning, trouser press, heated towel rail
10:59With a selection of towels in white, cream and peach
11:02Peach?
11:03Mmm
11:04Mmm
11:04Tea and coffee facilities and television with movie channel
11:08Smart and interesting
11:09We'll take one, please
11:10Thank you, sir
11:11Room 835-019-000-0
11:16Enjoy your stay
11:18And here are your complimentary gloves
11:19Thank you very much indeed
11:28May we have a room for the night, please
11:30Single, double
11:31We don't mind
11:31So long as the double and next to those two previous residents, please
11:34Certainly, sir
11:34Room 7
11:46Ah, the light doesn't work
11:51Look, the telly doesn't work
11:53Oh, Jim, man
11:55I have a confession to make
11:56I killed a man
11:59I killed a man, I'm telling you
12:01What?
12:02The window doesn't open
12:03Don't tell me that doesn't work either
12:04No, I think this will work
12:08Room service
12:09Coming
12:14Settling in nicely, sir
12:15I've brought your Bible, sir
12:19I love eggnog, mate
12:21Oh, sir
12:22What a lovely sausage
12:25It's a little warm in here, sir
12:26It could cause hardening, sir
12:29Allow me to place it in our refrigerator, sir
12:31It would be best
12:33That sausage stays here
12:35Hole on pepper pot
12:37Blocked
12:38Running horse leads to cash
12:41Did you ask to be serviced?
12:43No, not for a long time
12:47I love eggnog
12:49Cloud covering
12:56Oi, my dear
12:58Go habÃa
12:59Go
13:48Oh, that was a good 15-hour kip.
13:5115's a number, Bob.
13:52Yeah.
13:53You're going to be sleeping here right there, Jim.
13:54What?
14:00So, let me get this straight then, Bob.
14:02Mustache over the top lip, beard covers the entire lower jaw, fringe hangs over the forehead
14:07and eyebrow un... over the top of the eye.
14:12Well done.
14:13I knew you'd get it.
14:14Still no reply from the hairdressing school, are you?
14:16No, I'm still waiting.
14:25I like eggnog, me, Bob.
14:29I tell you what, those fellas were desperate to get hold of my speciality meat product.
14:35Yeah, but you wouldn't give it to them, though, would you?
14:38No, I wouldn't.
14:41The meat is mine.
14:49Oh, Bob!
14:50This plush is alive with static.
14:57I'm just going to the bog.
15:18Jim, what's the handbag carnival partridge underbelts going on here?
15:23Bob!
15:23Well, it's like this.
15:25These three gentlemen here are aliens and they need my speciality meat product to feed
15:31their queen so she may pupate and thus ensure the survival of their race.
15:38So I'll give it to them in exchange for them being my slaves for half an hour.
15:45What's up to it?
15:47Come on.
15:48Come on.
15:51Jim, you're an honest man, a nice man.
15:53Right?
15:54A pleasant fella.
15:55But you're a gullible, guileless simple, aren't you?
15:58It's true, man!
16:00Stop that, right?
16:01Now, look, yesterday we could have got 400 quid for this.
16:04That would have bought some bricks, a nice sheet of polythene,
16:07and part way towards buying a tomato farm.
16:10Come here!
16:13Show him what you showed me!
16:24You see, they've been wearing the guise of humans so they can pass undetected in the human world.
16:32But now you can see them in the true forms.
16:35Jim, they're not true forms.
16:37Not their shows, man!
16:39They're true forms!
16:40They're real IDs!
16:43Now we've got to get them back to the spare ship.
16:46Why, aye, man.
16:47It's all true what the kidder says.
16:49We need the speciality meat to feed our queen so she can make worms like.
16:53You know, because that's how we started off as like.
16:55As bairns and that.
16:57Oh, what planet'll be knocked?
16:58That's them, Sarge.
17:00Right.
17:00You lot better come with me to the station.
17:02Otherwise, you'll jolly well suffer for it.
17:04Why?
17:05What have they done?
17:07For the past three months, these blighters have been pilfering speciality meats
17:11from innocent shopkeepers the length and breadth of the country.
17:14Of course, they don't matter of showcomings.
17:16You can't do that!
17:17I've still got 20 minutes of slavery left.
17:19Look, copper.
17:21Never mind your petty meat product-based misdemeanors and felonies, right?
17:26We've got a planet to save.
17:28Hey, you, that's not on.
17:35Look, Jim, what's going on here?
17:37He's freeze-dried them with his special eyeballs,
17:39so we've got to get them into that booth.
17:42Jim, that's not a booth.
17:43It's more of a kiosk, that.
17:45No, Bob.
17:45If it was a kiosk, it'd have a shelf in it.
17:48No.
17:49If it was a kiosk, there'd be a counter shelving.
17:51You're thinking of a pantry.
17:53So what's a kiosk without shelving and a counter?
17:56That's a booth.
17:58Exactly.
17:59That's a booth.
18:00How we're used to.
18:01These police are only frozen for 30 seconds.
18:02Run!
18:18Where's my ship?
18:20You porked it.
18:21By an old discarded pram.
18:23Look it over in the air to say.
18:27Old discarded pram.
18:29Old discount warehouse.
18:31Old disgraced athlete.
18:33Old disfigured woman.
18:34Old diseased man.
18:36Old disprin.
18:37Old discarded clam.
18:38Old discarded pram.
18:40Got it.
18:40Behind Hedge 8, Area B.
18:42Let's go!
19:05What do you stop for, Jim?
19:07Shhh!
19:09Shhh!
19:15Shhh!
19:38Jim, what a ridiculous road choice. Look, there's a river here. Shut up! Look!
19:46Wow-wee!
20:19Thanks, Lev.
20:22Oh, Jim, stop that! Come on! Come on, Jim!
20:38Oh, Jim!
20:40Oh, Jim!
20:58Oh, Jim, stop that! Come on!
21:05Oh, Jim!
21:17well thanks for all your help hey brilliant no problem you nice people look a bit daft like
21:24well what more can we say oh you lot where's my bleeding mate oh no that's what queen what are
21:37we
21:37gonna dee oh the sausage go on bud Jim you can hardly be trusted with anything these days can you
21:53you're supposed to be the produce guardian oh not to do is that this what you're looking for
22:16thanks copper thanks lads
22:22now if there's out we can dee for you hey yeah could you turn Jim's aunt and uncle back to
22:28the
22:28former selves why hey kidder it's as good as done like you know we've got to learn to live together
22:35but before we can we've got to learn to give as well as take you know as cultures may be
22:43a port
22:44but caring cannot do any barriers if only others had fully an example it'd be a can you would like
22:54you
22:57get that meat in here now I'm absolutely busting for it
23:05we'd better go
23:30we'd better go
23:47do you know what Bob what I like aliens I thought it was eggnog you liked I'm allowed to like
23:53more than one
23:54thing Anna all right then all right then you like aliens on eggnog yes I do fancy pants all right
24:00then but what I'm in the stationer's shop and I'm going to buy quite a hard piece of stationery what
24:07is
24:07it stationers hard item hard item that's easy that's a franking machine yeah glad me I don't know you do
24:16it do you want to come in for an eggnog I don't like eggnog but yes I'll come in Jim
24:22what are these two
24:23foxes doing in here oh it worked Andy and uncle they're back it's them I can't believe them
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