Family Guy - Season 23 Episode 11 China Doll
#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
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00:00It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV.
00:08But where are those good old-fashioned values on which we used to rely?
00:15Lucky is a family guy. Lucky is a man who wants to give his hand to all the things that make us laugh and cry.
00:24He's a family guy!
00:34We now return to what we think Yellowstone is, but we've never actually watched it, so we're not totally sure.
00:40God, I love being in the Old West. Or maybe present day. It's unclear on the Paramount billboards.
00:45Hey, other cowboys, did you get the cows put away here in the great state of Wyoming? Montana, maybe?
00:51We sure did, Yellowstone boss cowboy. And I'm Kevin Costner. Okay, that much I know. He quit, then I know nothing.
01:00Apparently the original title for that series was Get Back Here, Cows.
01:05Maybe just try watching the show? It's really quite popular.
01:10Guys, I've done it. The work for which I'll be known for.
01:14Got an extra four in that sentence.
01:15Come take a look. I'm serious. It's the best work I've ever done.
01:18Is this that thing where you're changing words in Harry Potter to dog stuff until it's legally a different book?
01:24Oh, there's plenty of adventures of dog warts coming up, but this is something else.
01:29It's a hole.
01:31Right? I was just, I was in the zone, man. It was like, it was like I was just channeling the work. Like it was just coming through me.
01:37Very nice, Brian.
01:38It's a masterpiece. A masterpiece I created with my own hands, and no one can take it away from me.
01:45I took it away from you.
01:47Dude! What's your problem, man?
01:49He's in a mood. I don't know. I said something mean about a show.
01:53Anyway, good job, Brian. Thank you for sharing this with us.
01:59What the hell? You're buried, Rupert?
02:02Are you okay? Oh, please be okay. You bastard! What do you have to say for yourself?
02:09No hablo ingles?
02:12Gotta leave lots of space.
02:14We're just getting started.
02:17I'll say this, Rupert. You were long overdue for a bath.
02:24Oh, hush. Just because BuzzFeed says Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't bathe, that doesn't make it true, even though it 100% is.
02:31Now, what's this?
02:31Made in China?
02:35Robert, you're... you're Chinese? I had no idea!
02:39Ah! My word, all these years, I have been in a multicultural relationship.
02:44Well, sometimes life takes you down a different road. Just ask Robert Frost.
02:48Two roads diverged in a wood, and I... I took the one less traveled by.
02:54All right, I saw the back of what I think is my son's English teacher pushing a grocery cart full of his possessions,
03:00and I just can't have that interaction right now.
03:03Mr. Frost?
03:04Oh, hey, Mr. Thompson. Uh, what have you been up to?
03:09Nothing much. Just waiting for the district to finish its administrative review.
03:13Not really something I can talk about.
03:15Okay, well, I'm gonna go ahead and take the road more traveled by.
03:19Could really use somebody to write a letter on my behalf!
03:21I'm not really a writer.
03:26Good morning, Brian. Or rather, ni hao.
03:29Why you dress like that?
03:31Oh, my God, that is such a Year of the Monkey thing to ask. Right, Rupert?
03:35Textbook Year of the Monkey, this guy. Right, you're nine years old, right?
03:39Yeah.
03:39Right, so 2024, 2023...
03:42Right, yep, monkey, monkey. I can always tell because I'm Year of the Pig.
03:46Does all this have something to do with you finding out that Rupert was made in China?
03:49Well, not that it should need a reason, but yes, Brian, I want Rupert to feel his culture is welcome and embraced here.
03:55So you've decided to talk and dress like an idiot?
03:58Idiot, eh? Let's hear you say that after I have a very lazy Steven Seagal-type martial arts fight against Russian shoes.
04:08He is invincible!
04:09Even better than Steven Seagal, who unzipped his leather pants in front of Portia de Rossi at an audition.
04:15Hey, just because you read that in BuzzFeed article does not make it through.
04:19Even though it 100% is.
04:27Rupert, I want you to feel that your heritage is respected here.
04:30So I've made a few tweaks to our favorite classic television show.
04:34We now return to ER.
04:35Edited for Eastern Medicine.
04:37I need 10 cc's of...
04:38Ginseng root.
04:39And somebody set this patient up with...
04:41Goldfish to nibble his toes.
04:44We're gonna lose him if we can't get our hands on some...
04:46Baby elephant bones.
04:47He's coding!
04:51There's just one chance.
04:52We need...
04:53The lady doctors to kiss!
04:55I made some tweaks as well.
04:57Well, I think I have gone above and beyond in embracing Rupert's culture.
05:05Rupert, you...
05:05You're looking out to the east.
05:08You're still thinking about your roots.
05:09I know, Rupert.
05:12You want to see your homeland again.
05:14You want to find your parents.
05:16You want to casually moped through an asteroid field of traffic.
05:20All right, Rupert.
05:21You win.
05:22Tomorrow, I will take you to China.
05:24Didn't you set Rupert up at that window?
05:26Which is facing north, by the way.
05:28Shut up, Brian.
05:28We're going to China.
05:32Yeah, sound guy?
05:33Yeah, let's, um...
05:34Let's pace ourselves on that stuff, okay?
05:42Wait a minute.
05:43You're taking Rupert to China so he can meet his family?
05:46That's right, Brian.
05:47Rupert wants to find his mom and dad.
05:49And he wants to eat one tiny part of a shark and throw the rest in the garbage.
05:53And I'm going to make that happen for him.
05:54You can't go to China, Stewie.
05:56Why not?
05:57Because you're an infant.
05:58There's no way Peter and Lois will let you.
06:00They'll never even notice I'm gone.
06:01They're at VR Burning Man.
06:05Yeah, my wife is here, but she said I could glitter paint anyone I want.
06:09Why, yes, I will trade my wife for some toilet paper.
06:11Man with top hat and goggles.
06:13Okay, Stewie, there's also the fact that Rupert is...
06:17Um...
06:17What?
06:18He...
06:18Look, Rupert doesn't have a family in China or anywhere.
06:22Rupert's just a toy.
06:23What did you say?
06:26Rupert is a toy.
06:28Let me hear you say that one more time.
06:32It was then that I realized I can't hear.
06:35I can't hear, Dr. Scott.
06:36And if that's true, how do I know I'm even being heard?
06:39How do I know if I even exist at all?
06:42Yeah.
06:43Yeah, totally.
06:44Yeah, but would you mind not folding your laundry during our session?
06:47Hey, man, this is therapy that advertises on podcasts.
06:51It costs like 18 bucks.
06:52You get what you get.
06:54At PhoneMD, we believe therapy doesn't have to be expensive or even effective.
06:59It just has to be reportable to your spouse.
07:02PhoneMD.
07:03Get therapy on the thing that led to the affair.
07:07Look, Brian, I'm taking Rupert to China, and it's none of your business.
07:10You're not invited anyway.
07:11What would you even do in China?
07:13See if Olivia Munn left a sister back in the homeland?
07:15Are you?
07:23Yes, John Mulaney's brother, Don.
07:25And I'm looking for the same thing you are.
07:28Ladies and gentlemen, as we begin our descent into Beijing, we ask that you power down your devices.
07:32Blast!
07:33I need to hurry up and finish this episode of Yellowstone, which we still haven't ever actually watched.
07:41You can't take our land.
07:43We built all this nothing for nothing.
07:45I'm sorry, but I got a paper here signed by the governor of this Dakota.
07:49Cowboy husband?
07:50Is everything okay?
07:51Get back inside, women who are way hotter than real women from this place.
07:55Here we are.
08:02We made it.
08:03Hey, check this out.
08:04Everyone, the Olympics are coming.
08:13Right?
08:13Oh, freaking China, man.
08:15I mean, 800 workers just died, but still, tip your cap, you know?
08:25Hey, thanks for making our stuff.
08:28Our country stopped making stuff, so thank you for making the stuff, because we still need stuff.
08:36I say, back in the old stomping ground, eh, friend?
08:39Why, you must feel like Jesus did when he returned from the dead.
08:42Hey, hey, look who's back.
08:44Miss me?
08:45Jesus!
08:46Hey, hey!
08:47This is great.
08:48This is great.
08:48So, uh, listen, um, I hired you to build me a table back before all the stuff went down, right?
08:55And, uh, well, look.
08:58Hmm.
08:59Do you have a receipt?
09:01Um, no.
09:02I mean, well, you died, so I figured there was no point in hanging on to it.
09:06Yeah, you kind of want to always keep the receipt.
09:11Look!
09:12There!
09:15It's Rupert's brothers and sisters!
09:18And there's his mother and father!
09:23Yeah, are you sure those aren't just random workers who happen to be on duty today?
09:26No, there is mom and dad, I'm certain.
09:28Look, she has Rupert's same non-smile, and he has Rupert's glassy dead eyes.
09:33All right, Brian, remember, it's vital that I make a good impression on these people.
09:37So, to review...
09:38You're a wealthy American businessman.
09:41And also...
09:42The lead singer of Coldplay.
09:44Perfect.
09:44Now, I want you to film all of this, because after we meet them, I'm going to ask their
09:48blessing to marry Rupert.
09:50Wh-what?
09:51You guys?
09:52There's someone here who'd like to say hello?
09:55Okay.
09:56Yes, it's your son, Rupert!
09:58If they start weeping, obviously zoom way in on that.
10:01Oh, look at you.
10:02You're clearly in shock.
10:03And now, like every host of a cooking travel show, I'm going to disregard cultural norms
10:08and touch your body without your consent.
10:10Ignoring your discomfort.
10:13Ignoring your discomfort.
10:14Feel free to cry, it makes for a better video.
10:17Okay.
10:17We have so much to talk about, but I just want you to know, we don't hold it against
10:22you, you giving up Rupert, even though it did mess him up sexually.
10:25Okay.
10:26I mean, I'm sure you guys had lots of stuff going on.
10:28I mean, obviously the career, can't expect you to walk away from all this.
10:31So I'm Rupert's special friend, Stewie Griffin Dockers III.
10:35Yes, of the pants Dockers.
10:37Let's not make a big deal out of it.
10:39Okay.
10:40But I really love what you have here.
10:42That's such a cute hole they give you for a toilet.
10:44Brian, tell him about my toilet.
10:46He's wearing it.
10:46I'm wearing my toilet.
10:48So?
10:52Am I still supposed to be recording this?
10:55So listen, we, um, we didn't really come all the way to China just to say hello.
11:00As I said, Rupert and I are, um, very special friends.
11:04Truthfully, more than friends.
11:06And, um, you know, when a baby gets to be a certain age, he starts thinking about his
11:11future and, um, who he wants to share that future with.
11:16And, um...
11:17Still rolling.
11:19I know!
11:19It's just if this video goes too long, I won't be able to text it to you.
11:22You can freaking airdrop it!
11:24Also, someone's using the toilet hole in the background of your shot.
11:26Okay, you know what?
11:27Let's not do this here.
11:28We clearly have a ton to talk about, so perhaps dinner is in order?
11:32Maybe we drop by around six?
11:34Okay.
11:34Great.
11:35But you have to promise me, no special treatment just because I'm a casual slacks billionaire.
11:39Who are those Americans poking around our industrial facility and filming?
11:45Are they spies?
11:46I don't know.
11:47I'm not seeing any matches on the facial recognition software.
11:50Ah.
11:51Or on Tinder.
11:53Yeah, what do you expect?
11:54We're a country of a billion guys and eight girls.
11:57China!
11:58Whoops!
11:58Maybe we threw away too many girls.
12:01Count it.
12:02Hello, hello, hello!
12:11Mmm, something smells delicious and with the eyeball still on it.
12:15I brought wine.
12:16Wow, that's a very expensive bottle, lead singer from Coldplay, which I forgot to mention earlier.
12:21No, it's nothing.
12:22Now, before we do anything else, I just have to know, which one of you two hogs the blankets?
12:27Who does Rupert get that from?
12:29Ah, look at Pop-Pop's face.
12:31Bust it!
12:32I think we found our blanket hog!
12:34Okay.
12:36Well, we're here because, um, I...
12:40I have something important to ask you.
12:43Okay.
12:44So, Rupert and I, um...
12:47Could I maybe have some tea first?
12:49Tea?
12:53Oh, I'm such a klutz.
12:54Someone hands me a China cup, I look away, right?
12:57Down with China, you know?
12:59Down with China.
13:00At this point, I am basically an enemy of China, right?
13:04Anyway, I'm here, um, to ask you a question.
13:07It's a very, very important...
13:09Actually, you know what?
13:11Two questions.
13:11You remember that old Calgon commercial, Ancient Chinese Secret?
13:15Right?
13:15What exactly is the Ancient Chinese Secret?
13:18I'll pay you anything if you'll tell me the Ancient Chinese Secret.
13:23Stewie, are you gonna do this or not?
13:25Yes, yes, Brian, fine.
13:26So, what I really came here to ask you is this.
13:32Will you please give Rupert and me your blessing to...
13:36You're under arrest!
13:38The charge is espionage against China.
13:40I didn't do espionage!
13:42And aggravated sodomy against a stuffed animal.
13:45I didn't do espionage!
13:4820 years in a labor camp for spying on China.
13:57What a mess.
13:58Hire Sidney Powell, he said.
13:59It's the only place she's still licensed.
14:01Break's over.
14:02Get back to work making solar panels for American liberals.
14:05Didn't realize all our solar panels are made by Chinese political prisoners.
14:12Yes, white liberals have a lot to answer for.
14:14Well, I'd say conservatives do as well, especially in a post-Roe v. Wade world.
14:20Oh my gosh, I finally get to see this little guy.
14:24He's adorable.
14:25He looks just like your rapist.
14:27I think he looks like both of us.
14:29He's a cutie.
14:30He's gonna be a little lady killer.
14:32Well, we'll see.
14:33I don't want to put any pressure on him.
14:34This is outrageous.
14:35I'm not a spy, and I'm not doing your prison labor.
14:38Let me guess.
14:39Year of the monkey?
14:40Yep, bingo.
14:41Okay, monkey.
14:42If you won't do this labor, we will give you and your friend hard labor.
14:49The hard labor is watching the movie Tar?
14:52And answer questions about the film.
14:54Why should the viewer care about this protagonist?
14:57What are we hoping she accomplishes?
14:59What is the ultimate message of the movie Tar?
15:02Why is there an accent mark over the A in Tar, despite the fact that it is a one-syllable word
15:07and therefore contains no other syllables to de-accentuate?
15:11Oh no, now it's getting really tough.
15:13What does a conductor actually do?
15:15Why couldn't the best musicians in the world, who are trained at Juilliard,
15:18play music without some maniac waving a stick in front of them?
15:22Why are people who hold and wave sticks so tormented?
15:25How do you think Tar chose her stick?
15:27Please explain in essay form.
15:29Well, at least this is the only movie we have to watch about a conductor.
15:32And after lunch, you'll be watching Maestro.
15:34You monster!
15:38I can't take much more of this, Brian.
15:40We have to break out of here.
15:43And I think I have an idea.
15:46I don't know, an escape attempt could be dangerous.
15:48Maybe we just wait for Peter and Lois to come get us out.
15:51That'll be quite a wait.
15:52Right now they're at Virtual Dave and Buster's.
15:54Peter, let's order another plate of warm mozzarella sticks on brown lettuce.
15:59Sounds good, Lois.
16:00You do that while I go stare at women's butt cracks on the motorcycle games.
16:04Hi, I like how your drink is very blue.
16:06Hey, is it true that Dave shot Buster, then shot himself?
16:09All right, Brian, here's the plan.
16:16Each of these panels is coated with a highly polarized carbon glass.
16:20But if we can reverse the glass, it'll form a concave mirror.
16:23And indeed, these components are modular.
16:25So if we target the fence with those mirrors reflecting the sun's rays,
16:29we'll need a total of 1,400 centigrade, give or take.
16:32It should compromise the structural integrity.
16:34Come on.
16:34My plan had science in it, but fine, let's do it the dirty dog way.
16:42Escape in progress.
16:43Escape in progress.
16:45Escape in progress.
16:46Escape in progress.
16:53Where do we go?
16:55Over here.
16:56Through the village of Chinese stereotypes.
16:58There's still some we haven't done.
17:04That way.
17:05Through the obligatory Chinese New Year parade.
17:08No, over there.
17:09Where that old man with a wispy beard sells mythical creatures.
17:12No time.
17:12Let's just hide behind those terracotta soldiers.
17:20Whoops.
17:24Hey!
17:24The hell, man?
17:25Should we settle up?
17:27I'll settle up.
17:28Oh, boy.
17:28Yeah, whenever you accidentally domino stuff over,
17:31there's always a biker gang that's mad about it.
17:33Quick, down this alley.
18:01Oh, no.
18:02Oh, no.
18:03There's no way out.
18:04We're trapped.
18:07You've only made things worse.
18:09You should know by now.
18:11There's only one way out of a Chinese prison.
18:14Death?
18:15No.
18:16Rad out someone else.
18:21There he is.
18:22Famous pro-Tibet activist Richard Gere.
18:25What?
18:25I mean, thank you, I'm flattered, but what?
18:29Sorry, Chris.
18:31When you download TikTok, one of the terms and conditions is that the Chinese government can just arrest you whenever.
18:36Does TikTok app really let China police kidnap you?
18:42Or probably not, but maybe.
18:46LOL.
18:46We have had quite the Chinese adventure, Stewie.
18:52And I think I might just have my next screenplay idea.
18:56He's not going to write.
18:58Well, my friend, we both have crummy in-laws.
19:01My parents throw you in the dryer.
19:03Yours put us in a labor camp.
19:04But if there's one thing I do know, no matter where we're from or where we are, or who does or doesn't give us their blessing,
19:10my home is where you are, and your home is where I am.
19:17And now I also know where your blanket hog thing comes from.
19:21I...
19:21No, Rupert, I didn't know that blanket hog is a Taiwanese slur for the mainland Chinese.
19:26How would I know that?
19:28But I didn't know that it's racist, so how could I...
19:31I already apologize, by implication.
19:35Fine, I'm sorry you were needlessly offended by my innocent use of an obscure regional racism.
19:41So that's why I cheated on Rupert with my octopus.
19:44Yeah, that seems fine.
19:46I don't really care.
19:47Hey, do you have another credit card?
19:49Because the one I have on file isn't working.
19:51Phone MD.
19:52Make sure your method of payment is current.
20:00So, Peter, Lois, did you miss us while we were gone?
20:03Oh, we didn't even notice.
20:04We were busy watching Yellowstone, which is set in present-day Montana with periodic flashbacks to the 1990s.
20:10We finally looked it up on Wikipedia.
20:12Thanks for going to China with me, Brian.
20:14You bet.
20:15I just feel bad we had to hand over Chris to get out of there.
20:17Oh, I'm sure by now they've figured out he's not really Richard Gere.
20:21So, in Pretty Woman, when I snap that necklace box on Julia's fingers and she laughs, that was total improv.
20:28Julia didn't know I was gonna do that.
20:30Wow.
20:31So what's Julia Roberts like in real life?
20:33Is she just super cool and down to earth?
20:35No, she is not.
20:38Mr. Gere, what's your middle name?
20:40Nah, you know, I don't think that middle names are all that important.
20:44I understand it's Tiffany?
20:46It is Tiffany.
20:49That's called range.
20:51Oh, she is.
21:12Oh, she is.
21:15Oh.
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