Family Guy - Season 23 Episode 06 Dog Is My Co-Pilot
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#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
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00:01It seems today that all you see
00:05Is violence in movies and sex on TV
00:08But where are those good old-fashioned values
00:12On which we used to rely?
00:15Lucky is a family guy
00:18Lucky is a man who wants what you can do
00:21All the things you make us laugh and cry
00:25He's a family guy
00:34We now return to Jack Ryan
00:36Starring the guy who used to smirk a lot on The Office
00:40Jack, we launched the drone strike against a terrorist like you suggested
00:43But hit a hospital instead
00:46What are you doing? Six people died
00:50I get it, the joke is his hair isn't fully combed
00:55Wait, what happened?
00:56Oh, your mom bought an app that cuts power to the TV
00:59Once I've reached my daily screen time limit
01:01Peter, the app says that
01:03I know!
01:04Keep it down guys, I'm trying to land a 757 in Dubai
01:07With a crosswind and a broken landing gear
01:09For the last week, Brian's been getting into some stupid flight simulator game
01:13It's not stupid, and I'm fairly amazing at it
01:16Earlier, I landed in Texas
01:17Not gonna tell you the city because it affects the joke
01:19But when I landed, I said,
01:21Houston, we don't have a problem
01:23Wait, what was the city?
01:29And another perfect landing
01:31Check it out
01:32Oh, I can't even look at screens over shoulders
01:34Lois said
01:35Peter, the actress
01:36I'm not looking!
01:37All right, time to finally organize this closet
01:43Let's see what we got
01:45Uh, packaging from every Apple product we own
01:48Cause it seems too nice to just throw away
01:50Oh, look, it's mommy's old easy bake oven from when she was a girl
01:55If it's not big enough for you to stick your head in, I have no interest
01:58Stewie, you might like playing with this
02:00Oh, I'll go get a rag to clean it
02:02Don't bother
02:03I don't need your stupid garbage girl toys from the 1940s, Grandma
02:07I love trucks and dinosaurs
02:09Oh my god, Rupert, I've always wanted an easy bake oven
02:11Oh, I haven't been this excited since we watched the series finale of Caillou
02:15Don't stop believing
02:36Hold on to that feeling
02:40Speed like people
02:47Don't stop
02:57Huh, looks like Jerome's switching to all recycled paper goods
03:00Joe, don't punish us just cause you forgot your phone
03:03I didn't forget it, I asked Bonnie why she looked so tired and she hucked it in the pool
03:06Whew, pretty windy out there
03:08Feels like 21 knots coming in from the southwest, right, Quagmar?
03:11What, what is this?
03:13Ah, nothing, I'm just talking a little shop with you now that I've officially entered your world
03:17Entered my world?
03:19Yeah, I've been totally crushing it on this flight simulator app
03:22And now I realize flying a plane is nowhere near as hard as I thought
03:26Brian, don't belittle the expertise my job requires
03:29Playing a game on an iPad and flying a commercial airliner are two very different things
03:33Whoa, running into a bit of headwind here
03:36Ryan, there is no way you could ever do what I do
03:39Has anybody ever made a joke about the quality of paper straws?
03:42Because I just thought of a pretty hot take
03:52Stewie, what is that incredible smell?
03:55Just a simple pizza I thought Rupert might like
03:58You know, since he's a basic little bitch who shops at Filene's
04:02Well, it's delicious! Almost as good as Caserta's
04:05Thanks, but Caserta's is no Arturo's
04:07Ever had Arturo's?
04:08No, but nothing can top Di Petrillo's
04:11Mr. Di Petrillo is from Sicily and makes all the dough by hand every morning
04:16Did I tell you I met him?
04:18No, no, I would have remembered because I wouldn't have cared
04:20Stewie, this is amazing pizza
04:23You know, I feel like maybe you and I could open up a really successful boutique pizza place
04:29Are you serious?
04:30I'm in, but mostly to get a Michelin star
04:33It's always been my dream to have my culinary talents validated in print by a tire company
04:38Okay, and final thing before we push back
04:45Which six seats do you want to disable the TVs on?
04:48Morning boys!
04:49Ryan! What are you doing? Only qualified personnel are allowed in here
04:52Then why do all pilots leave the door open when people are boarding?
04:55Wait, we're supposed to help hand out mileage plan credit card applications
04:59But why are you even here? You're going to Orlando?
05:01Yeah, I took what you said the other night to heart
05:04And I've enrolled in a flight training school in Florida called Huffman Aviation
05:08Isn't, isn't that where the 9-11 hijackers trained?
05:11I don't know, I just used a coupon
05:12Just take your seat
05:13Ahem
05:14I, I mean, would you like to earn 10,000 bonus miles by applying today for the Transnational Airlines MasterCard?
05:20Hey there, how are you doing?
05:25Just so you know, as of this year, I'm allowed to hit you as hard as I can
05:29Out of my way!
05:30Jim, are you okay?
05:34I think he's got food poisoning
05:36Must have been that sack lunch of leftover shrimp from his niece's wedding
05:39Well, thank God you didn't have any
05:41Well, actually, he kept waving the bag in my face and asking, does this taste funny to you?
05:44I didn't want to be rude
05:46Oh, ah, it's coming!
05:49Don't worry, Quagmire, I can take over
05:51Are you crazy? You could never in a million-
05:53Ah, son of a bitch!
05:55Dammit, get out of the way! I'm gonna have to take a boy band
05:58What does that mean?
05:59In sync
06:00I also would have accepted Backstreak Boys
06:02And it's definitely coming out at 98 degrees in one direction
06:07In any case, it's all gonna sound and smell terrible
06:10I'm taking over
06:11No, Brian, don't you touch anything
06:13Look, I got this
06:14Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for landing
06:21Hey, my TV stopped working
06:23And now mine's working
06:33Lower your flaps more and ease off the throttle
06:36Roger that
06:37I don't believe it! He actually pulled it off!
07:00Welcome to Orlando
07:02And as a reminder
07:03There are a few passengers who have a very short turnaround to meet their drug dealers
07:07So if you could clear the aisle and let them off first, that'd be great
07:09Excuse me
07:10Pardon me
07:11Thank you
07:12Thank you, guys
07:13Today we honor two brave citizens who showed coolness under pressure to get that plane safely on the ground
07:25Now, if someone would hold these giant scissors, I needed them for the thing before this, and the thing after this, but not for this
07:32Brian, Glenn, please accept these keys to the city
07:36A lot about being mayor is having enormous junk drawer things
07:41Gentlemen, Tom Tucker, Channel 5 News
07:45Quite an honor for you two today
07:47Is there a question in there?
07:48Honestly, Tom, I was just grateful to be on scene and able to help
07:51Terrific
07:52So, two-part question for both of you
07:54Brian, does the weather outside today seem comfortable?
07:57No
07:58And Glenn, if you were a producer and you said to your talent that it was comfortable outside
08:02Coulda brought a coat, Tom
08:03I'm not your mother
08:04Well, that'll do it from City Hall
08:06This is Tom Tucker reporting live on the scene because it's close to my son's karate thing
08:10Hi, you two
08:11I'm Keith, the lowest-level executive possible from Transnational Airlines
08:15Listen, you two are great on camera together and people love this feel-good story of heroism
08:20We'd like to send you both on a multi-state press tour to share your story
08:24Really? That'd be amazing
08:26Eh, I don't know
08:27It'll be great PR
08:28You saved a ton of lives, you're actually friends
08:31And we could use something like this after that toilet flush sucked in a baby
08:35Yeah, I'm not sure a press tour is
08:37And I forgot to mention that as a pilot you are contractually obligated to represent the airline to the media
08:43Oh, come on Quagmire, we might actually have fun together on a press tour
08:47I mean, crazier things have happened
08:48Look at Pete Davidson's love life
08:50I just text him back promptly
08:52That's it, that's the secret
09:01Stewie, the line is huge
09:04How did we get so many customers right out of the gate?
09:07Oh, I see you're calling us a pop-up
09:10Oh yeah, you do that and white people go frickin' crazy
09:12I saw this place on Facebook
09:14I saw it on TikTok
09:15I read a blurb in Parade Magazine
09:17Did you know Leanne Rimes is happier than she's ever been?
09:20Can I get a slice?
09:21Okay, let's start with the easy one
09:22We don't do slices
09:24Next, you can start by scanning the QR code to enter yourself in the raffle
09:28Ooh, is that an android?
09:30Here, what's this, your website?
09:32No, it's the number for Domino's
09:34Take a hike, idiot
09:35Domino's!
09:36We meet the legal definition of pizza
09:42Pharmacy
09:44Refill a prescription
09:47Refill a prescription
09:49Representative
09:52Speak to a representative
09:54Will you quit doing personal crap and focus on our interview?
09:56Okay, we're almost ready, but just so we get the on-screen labels correct
09:59You're the one who landed the plane and you're the one who pooped in the sink
10:03Welcome back to Good Morning Akron, Ohio's only opioid-free morning show
10:11Brian, Glenn, how do you prepare for an emergency like this?
10:15Well, all pilots are highly trained
10:17There's no training for a moment like this
10:18You're just relying on pure gut instinct
10:21But when you've landed at as many airports as I have
10:23On an iPad
10:24You draw on that experience
10:25It's an app that costs $2.99
10:27To the point where it's almost like muscle memory
10:29You can also get the app for free
10:30But you have to sit through a lot of ads for the army
10:32These guys are good, we gotta get this on the road
10:35Wheels up, Jack
10:36It's Jacqueline now
10:38And... back to HR I go
10:40You know, when you take off, you never think you're gonna see your pilot pooping in the sink
10:44But a real hero knows that's when you have to step up
10:47Well, it's a good question, but I think I knew within a couple of minutes of taking the first bite
10:51You only end up using like three of those buttons
10:53I thought those guys were like geniuses
10:55Well, I've read that shrimp is actually supposed to be cooked to 140 degrees Fahrenheit
11:00I can't do the noises, but you get it
11:07Diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea
11:10I can't do the noises, but you get it
11:12Stewie, check it out! Dave Portnoy from Barstool Sports just tweeted he's coming to our restaurant tomorrow to do one of his one bite pizza reviews
11:25Awesome! Who's Dave Portnoy?
11:27He's like if a high school athlete got one genie wish
11:30But he also happens to be one of the most influential pizza place kingmakers on the internet
11:35Really? Chris, that's fantastic!
11:37I know!
11:38And we better get started now, cause he likes his pizza extra crispy
11:45Uh, what was that?
11:47Oh, this is not good
11:49The light bulb in the Easy Bake oven burned out
11:51That's fine, we have tons of light bulbs in the house
11:54Chris, we're in trouble
11:55This is a custom bulb from the 1960s
11:58It's 200 watts and made with 40% lead
12:01There's literally nobody who would have a light bulb this old
12:05There might be one person
12:07Oh, there you are, Jesse!
12:08Man, Arnie is so excited for you guys to do this ad for him
12:23So what, now we're pitch men?
12:24Guys, this is free advertising for the airline, and we could use the distraction
12:29We, uh, we dragged another Asian doctor off a plane
12:32Okay, let's roll it
12:34Hi, I'm local hero Brian Griffin
12:37And I'm Glenn Diarrhea Quagmire
12:39If you're looking to buy a car, you want to make a smooth landing, not take a dump in the sink
12:44That's right, so come on down to Brockner Toyota for some explosive deals
12:48If you're hunting for a car, don't pull a quagmire
12:52Sorry, sorry, what the hell is this?
12:54Oh, Mr. Brockner always likes to have some humor in his ads
12:57Humor? Some fat guy pretending to be me pooping in a sink is the humor?
13:02Damn it, Brian, that's enough
13:03I was in the military, and I have worked for 25 years in aviation
13:07My whole life I dreamed that someday maybe I'd even have my own Sully Sullenberger moment
13:12But it'll never happen now
13:13Have you tried Googling me? It's just this
13:17Yeah, wow
13:18And if you Google image diarrhea, it's just pictures of you and George Brett
13:22Not only am I not getting the respect I deserve, but I'm the punchline in a story where you're the hero
13:27You! You know what? I quit
13:30Quit? Wait, you can't quit the press tour, it's in your contract
13:33Plus, we've still got one more event to do
13:35Oh, I'm finishing the press tour
13:36A pilot always lands the plane
13:38I meant that I quit being a pilot
13:40Where are you going?
13:41To be alone and think
13:49This is how pilots do it
13:56I bought a mattress at the wrong store
13:59Don't quagmire the bed
14:01Shop the Weakapog sleep outlet
14:03This mattress commercial feels very similar to that car commercial
14:10What the hell's quagmire doing?
14:11It looks like he's throwing away all his pilot uniforms
14:14Yeah, he, uh, he said he was quitting his job
14:17I think the press tour has been a little rough on him
14:19He's throwing out the pants, too?
14:21Those are just blue pants, someone could wear those
14:23Rough on him? In what way?
14:25I don't know, like, maybe he feels bad
14:27I stole his thunder by landing his plane
14:29This shirt with those blue pants
14:30Could be a sweet look for the club
14:32Well, I watched those interviews, Brian
14:34You weren't exactly gracious to him
14:36Or maybe the night before a wedding
14:38I'm getting those pants
14:39Lois, this is not my fault
14:41Was I supposed to not land that plane?
14:43And come on, it's not like quagmire's a saint
14:45You know what he's like
14:46Yes, we all know the bad things about quagmire
14:49But you took away his one good thing
14:51If nothing else, he's always been an outstanding pilot
14:54It's the only thing anyone ever respected about him
14:57Lois is right, Brian
14:58Wearing that pilot's hat means something
15:00It's one of the few remaining hat jobs
15:02You guys are right
15:04I gotta fix things with quagmire
15:06In fact, I'm gonna see him tomorrow
15:08For our last press appearance
15:10And I know just how to make things better
15:12Is the room getting spinny to anyone else?
15:14Peter, take those pants off
15:16I can't, my arms are numb
15:21So what's the plan?
15:22We just ask for one of his light bulbs from the 1960s?
15:25Oh, no way
15:26Mr. Herbert's really weird about his possessions
15:29He lived through the depression
15:30So he hangs on to everything
15:33Oh, well, look who it is
15:37Do come in
15:39What brings you boys by?
15:41Actually, Mr. Herbert
15:42I, uh, noticed a new mole on my thigh
15:45And wanted to ask if it looks misshapen to you
15:49Well, let's have a little look-see
15:52There's not one book in here that's a real book
15:57There's not one book in here that's a real book.
16:27Ah, dammit!
16:30There it is.
16:31What do you think?
16:33Merciful heavens!
16:36Ah, got it!
16:38Do you hear those muffled cries in the next room?
16:41It's the TV.
16:42It doesn't sound like the...
16:43We've got pizza to make!
16:44It's the TV!
16:51Look, I know you're still mad, but this is our last event, so let's make the best of it.
16:57Oh, my God!
16:59Is he okay?
17:00Say, will you look at that?
17:02Seems like maybe it's someone's big chance to step up and be the hero.
17:06What?
17:07What's going on?
17:07I may have unplugged his insulin pump, but I'm guessing somebody knows how to drive this thing.
17:13Why the hell would I know how to drive a boat?
17:15I don't...
17:16I mean, isn't it all kind of the same thing?
17:18You really quagmired this whole thing, Brian.
17:27Oh, God, now I'm doing it!
17:33Dave Portnoy's gonna be here any minute to do his review.
17:37Oh, God, I think that's him!
17:39Hey, how you doing?
17:41Dave Portnoy from Bostro Sports.
17:43Wow!
17:43Welcome, Mr. Portnoy!
17:45Ah, come on, please.
17:46Call me Dave.
17:47Mr. Portnoy is how I'm referred to in court documents.
17:49Well, we are very excited for you to one-bite review our pizza, Dave!
17:55Whoa!
17:58Spectacular undercarriage, zero flop.
18:00I am hopeful.
18:03Oh, this pizza's amazing.
18:05Once I post my review, you guys will have a line from here to Boston filled with nothing but UFC fans and insurrectionists.
18:10Did you hear that, Stewie?
18:12We're gonna be rich!
18:14Sorry, but the health department sent me over to ask a few questions.
18:18Okay.
18:18Do you have a business license?
18:20No.
18:21Do you have proper refrigeration?
18:22No.
18:23Did either of you wash your hands before making this pizza?
18:26No.
18:26Have either of you ever washed your hands?
18:28No.
18:29Are either of you currently crapping your pants?
18:32Yes.
18:32A little bit, yes.
18:33Okay, listen, I'm not here to give you a hard time.
18:35You're a small business.
18:36I'm willing to let this stuff slide.
18:38Oh, well, there's one other question here.
18:40Do you have a handicap access ramp?
18:42No.
18:43You people are animals!
18:45I'm shutting this place down!
18:48Well, Chris, we had a good run.
18:50We sure did.
18:51Hey, Meg, where'd you get those pants?
18:53They were just on the ground.
18:55Well, I'm off to the club.
18:59Come on, stupid boat!
19:03Okay, I think if I can just point us a bit more that way...
19:06Oh, crap, it's the Block Island Ferry!
19:10Oh, snap!
19:11Don't try to appear young right now!
19:12Damn it, Brian, look what you did!
19:37What the hell were you thinking?
19:38I'm so sorry, Quagmire.
19:40I just saw how much you'd been hurt by all that had happened, and I guess I just wanted
19:44to give you your Sully Sullenberger moment.
19:47I clearly screwed that up, but the truth is, you're a hero every day, just by getting people
19:52safely to their destination.
19:53Oh.
19:54Wow.
19:55Thanks, Brian.
19:56And hey, on the bright side, you saved all these people on the duck boat.
19:59The media will definitely recognize you as a hero now.
20:03A duck boat helmed by local diarrhea celebrity Glenn Quagmire collided with a ferry today,
20:08blocking the only shipping lane into Quahog Harbor.
20:11The complete blockage will result in months-long delays in the delivery of goods, including
20:15shipments of hops for beer making, acne medicine, and hair dye for men.
20:21Hmm, this used to be a town where a man could keep a secret.
20:29Well, Brian, thanks to you, every store shelf in town is empty, but at least you landed that
20:34plane.
20:35No one can ever take that away from you.
20:37The FAA released data today from the black box of a plane that recently saw an emergency
20:42landing by civilian passenger Brian Griffin.
20:45According to the newly recovered data, the airplane's autopilot system actually landed the
20:49plane, and not Brian.
20:51Ha!
20:52That's our show for tonight, and now the Channel 5 theme music while our audio guy forgets
20:56to mute my mic.
20:57Anyway, as I was saying, in exchange for sex, I'll help advance your career.
21:02The FAAine
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