Family Guy - Season 23 Episode 03 Drunk With Power
#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV.
00:08But where are those good old-fashioned values on which we used to rely?
00:14Lucky is a family guy.
00:18Lucky is a man who finds what he can do.
00:21All the things that make us laugh and cry.
00:25He's a family guy!
00:35Good morning.
00:36I've come down to this floor because corporate has figured out a new revenue stream,
00:40giving tours of the brewery.
00:42And Peter, I've chosen you for the job.
00:44That's great!
00:45Let me just call my old boss and tell him to shove it.
00:50Hello?
00:51Mr. Lloyd, this is Peter Griffin.
00:53I quit.
00:54And I never sent in my pledge for your niece's Stand Up to Cancer 5K.
00:58Hey, how's your niece, by the way? She doing all right?
01:00Very sick.
01:01Ah, terrific.
01:02Well, it was an honor just to help.
01:03Now, here's everything you'll need to be a tour guide.
01:06A blazer five people hung themselves in,
01:08khakis that look dirty no matter how many times you wash them,
01:11and a wet brown banana for lunch.
01:13Awesome.
01:14I love telling people where to go.
01:15Like when I cased at McDonald's for the Hamburglar.
01:18There.
01:19At 11.45, they take the grease traps out the back door.
01:23You sneak right in and take all the hamburgers you want.
01:26Rubble, rubble.
01:27Hey man, I thought you just wanted to score some hamburgers.
01:29These kids don't have to die, man.
01:31Rubble.
01:32Rubble.
01:33Take it easy.
01:34Be cool.
01:35I don't want any rubble.
01:36Hi folks, I'm Peter Griffin, and welcome to the brewery tour.
01:43All right, quick quiz.
01:44How many of you have heard of beer before?
01:46Wow, half.
01:47That's pretty good.
01:48You can get a little closer, gang.
01:50I don't bite.
01:51Ow!
01:52Too close.
01:54And we're proud to say that Pawtucket Ale is responsible for 99% of all DUIs in Rhode Island.
02:00Fascinating.
02:01Hey, shouldn't you be doing a news?
02:03Oh, no, no, we're doing a best of news bloopers.
02:05Now, an update.
02:06Apparently, the Touth Sour has just collapsed.
02:09Touth, Touth Sour.
02:10What is it?
02:11What Touth?
02:12Okay, let's go again.
02:13I'm Tom Tower.
02:14Holy crap.
02:15And now, please enjoy a virtual reality experience about our founder, Pawtucket Pet,
02:20in these headsets that are definitely clean.
02:24Hi, I'm Casey Affleck, a.k.a. Pawtucket Pet.
02:27I signed a contract to do this, then learned it filmed the same day as Ben and J-Lo's wedding.
02:31Yet another great decision by old Case.
02:34You cut that, right?
02:35Pawtucket Pet came to America from England in 1771, looking for a better life.
02:40The seas were very rough.
02:42Pretty realistic, right?
02:47When Pat finally reached the shore, the natives welcomed him with a flurry of arrows to his colonial penis.
02:52Oh, dear God, why is we experiencing this?
02:56Please save your questions for the end.
02:58In 1776, Pat refused to sign the Declaration of Independence, saying the only thing we need independence from is wives who won't let us drink.
03:06He left Philadelphia uttering several anti-Italian slurs on his way out of town, all of which are true.
03:12Unfortunately, he didn't realize Philadelphia is built on a platform 9,000 feet in the air.
03:16Just take off your headsets!
03:20The fall proved to be fatal.
03:24Oh, yeah, and right before Pawtucket Pat died, he pooped his pants.
03:27We have pants available in the gift shop.
03:29Okay, so now how many of you know what beer is?
03:37So we did learn! Great!
03:39Okay, before we wrap it up, any questions?
03:41Yes?
03:42How come Jeff Bezos wears that big weird cowboy hat when he rides his spaceship?
03:46I-I-I don't-I don't know, Joe.
03:48Well, that's the tour, folks.
03:50Please either tip me or shamefully avoid eye contact on the way out.
03:54Coward.
03:55Coward.
03:56Coward.
03:57Coward.
03:58Freakin' cheapskate.
03:59Griffin, I'm glad I caught you.
04:01There's a VIP who wants a tour of the brewery, and it's a bit of a sensitive matter.
04:06It's Brett Kavanaugh.
04:07Brett Ratner?
04:08No.
04:09That's Brett Ratner.
04:10Brett Favre?
04:11No.
04:12That's a different scumbag, Brett.
04:13I'm talking about the Supreme Court justice.
04:15He'd like to take the tour, and I don't want a spectacle.
04:17Sure.
04:18I don't got a problem with anyone except Jennifer Connelly's husband.
04:21Woo!
04:22I love beer!
04:23That's him now.
04:24I love beer!
04:25I love beer!
04:26I love beer!
04:27I love beer!
04:28I love beer!
04:29Hey, just call me Brett.
04:30Alright guys, skedaddle.
04:32I'm so pumped.
04:33I've toured every brewery in the country except this one.
04:36I love beer!
04:37Yeah, you've screamed that twice now.
04:39I scream it all the time.
04:40It's kind of how I got my job.
04:41Me too!
04:42That's awesome!
04:43Tour time!
04:44I love beer!
04:45Then you'll love all the dull trivia behind it.
04:48Peter, I don't want some normie dork tour.
04:51Look at us.
04:52We're bloated kindred spirits.
04:54Who even look alike?
04:55We're in love with the same mistress, Peter.
04:57And you know everything about her.
04:59Her moods.
05:00Her little whims.
05:01Her musk.
05:02Show me her world, Peter.
05:04Show me your...
05:05beer!
05:07Double cake stand!
05:10Are there any chicks watching?
05:11No!
05:12Even better!
05:13Just guys!
05:14One thing I do know.
05:15Beer can only be drunk in an upright body position.
05:18Uh, Keith?
05:19I'm gonna ask you to turn around for a second.
05:22You're gonna feel pretty silly.
05:29Yes!
05:30We got to experience what it's like to be beer.
05:32And we drank our own pee in a can!
05:34No, we didn't.
05:35Right!
05:36Hey, Brett!
05:37You're pretty cool for a Supreme Court justice!
05:39That's all I want people to say!
05:41Last one in's a rotten egg!
05:46I will not be a rotten egg!
05:48Bro!
05:49Let's see who can get the reddest the fastest!
05:53I'm very drunk, Peter!
05:54There are a lot of yous!
05:55I see a lot of yous!
05:56I see a lot of yous!
05:57Synchronized swimming?
05:58You knew it!
05:59I'm very drunk, Peter!
06:00There are a lot of yous!
06:01I see a lot of yous!
06:02I see a lot of yous!
06:03I see a lot of yous!
06:04I see a lot of yous!
06:06I see a lot of yous!
06:07I see a lot of yous!
06:08Synchronized swimming?
06:09You knew it!
06:10Synchronized swimming?
06:11You know it.
06:40Synchronized swimming?
07:09All people want to do is scream at me in steakhouses about women's bodies.
07:14Yeah, my wife hates you, which kind of makes me secretly like you.
07:21Hey, Brett, do you think that we'll still be friends at college?
07:25I don't know, man.
07:34Oh, my God, we were super drunk last night.
07:37Did I accidentally kill Brett Kavanaugh?
07:40Dear Peter, why did you accidentally kill me?
07:43Just kidding.
07:44I don't want my life anymore.
07:45You take it.
07:46Brett, P.S.
07:48This is the first time I've ever put clothes on anyone without their consent.
07:52Ha ha ha.
07:54Justice Kavanaugh?
07:55It's him.
07:59Hey, did you guys see that chick in accounting?
08:01Boy, I'd like to hustle her up some stairs against her will.
08:05It's really him.
08:06All right, let's get him back to the Supreme Court of the United States of America,
08:09where he serves a lifetime appointment as one of only nine Senate-confirmed justices.
08:13It's so cool that a guy named Brett gets to decide if women can have abortions.
08:17So, anyone watch anything interesting last night?
08:29Okay, I'm finally gonna say something.
08:31Would it be weird after being here 30 years that the first thing I say is,
08:34I like Shark Tank.
08:36You can do this, Clarence.
08:37Here goes.
08:37There he is.
08:41Hey, Kavanaugh.
08:42Sorry I'm late.
08:43The steps outside are perfect for a slinky.
08:45Ah, I love your refreshing honesty, Brett.
08:48Dears, can I get a cup of coffee?
08:50Brett, we're Justices Sotomayor in Barrett.
08:53Right, sorry.
08:54Hon, coffee?
08:55No, I'm Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson.
08:57Yes, and I will definitely remember your name and not butcher it relentlessly going forward.
09:02Toots, coffee?
09:03Stick it, Brett.
09:03I'm Justice Elena Kagan.
09:05Ha-cha-cha.
09:06Okay, ready for our morning introduction?
09:16Gathered together from Harvard and Yale, except the last Lady Trump appointed,
09:20are the most boring forces of good ever assembled.
09:31John Roberts.
09:36Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito.
09:47Elena Kagan.
09:51Get a visible car, bitch!
09:54Sonia Sotomayor is Aquaman in this, I guess.
09:58And the Wonder Twins, Barrett and Brown Jackson.
10:01We hate each other, though.
10:02With their space monkey, Kavanaugh.
10:04It's me, Peter.
10:08They're trying not to die until someone from their party is president.
10:12These are the Supreme Friends.
10:14All right, let's pick a case.
10:18We've got a bakery that won't bake a cake for a gay wedding,
10:21a bakery that won't bake a cake for a trans anniversary,
10:24a bakery that won't bake a cake for a dog's birthday.
10:27Is it just all people mad about cakes?
10:29It's mostly cakes, yes.
10:31Although there is this case,
10:33Hometown Buffet versus Peter Griffin.
10:35If the steaming hot dog water is on the buffet table,
10:38it is part of the buffet.
10:44What'll it be, fellas?
10:45Three beers.
10:46Sorry, can't.
10:47We're all out.
10:48What?
10:49How's that possible?
10:50The Cav drank it all.
10:54Ugh, Brett Kavanaugh.
10:56I hate that guy.
10:58Me too.
11:00Sup?
11:01I'm the Cav.
11:02Mind if I sit down?
11:03Kind of.
11:03Come on.
11:04I know my reputation.
11:05But can't we have one beer?
11:07Fine.
11:09One beer.
11:12You guys play golf?
11:15Occasionally.
11:15You ever hit the ball and it doesn't go where you thought it would?
11:18Sometimes.
11:20You ever putt and it just, like, misses?
11:22Yeah, I've missed a putt or two.
11:24You ever get stuck in a sand trap and you can't stop crying
11:27because deep down you know your dad hates you?
11:30Brett Kavanaugh?
11:31You're all right.
11:32Guys, we got a party together.
11:34This weekend, Squeeze Mom's Beach House?
11:36Sounds epic.
11:37Party at the shore.
11:38What's the stair situation there?
11:41There's a flight of stairs to get in.
11:42Okay.
11:43We should probably Airbnb another place.
11:45Still am.
11:46100% in.
11:47Well, we can figure that out later as a group.
11:49Therefore, in order to qualify for a hardship exemption under Section 754509BI...
11:59Guys, I think I have a way to make this more interesting.
12:04With regard to the claim of foreign non-convenience...
12:07Boo!
12:08We're not turning for that.
12:09Tastes like strawberries on a summer evening And it sounds just like a song
12:21I want more berries And that summer feeling
12:26Is so wonderful and warm
12:31Watermelon Sugar High!
12:34Watermelon Sugar High!
12:37Watermelon Sugar High!
12:39Watermelon Sugar High!
12:40That was a great idea, everybody.
12:44Let's take lunch.
12:45Hey, how about today we eat at the mall?
12:48Okay, Clarence.
12:49There's never going to be a better setup to make a Supreme Food Court joke.
12:53Here goes.
12:53Hey, if we're going to the mall, how about we eat at the Supreme Food Court?
12:57It's like he heard my thoughts.
13:02That's right, Clarence.
13:03I can hear thoughts.
13:05But it only works on white-haired black guys.
13:07Do you want to know how Danny Glover really felt about Mel Gibson?
13:19Lois, what's going on with-
13:21My hair?
13:21My beard?
13:22Because you took a lifetime appointment in Washington, I'm doing everything.
13:26Sorry I haven't had a second to wax and dye myself.
13:29Well, that'll make him want to come back.
13:31Lois, this is the first time in our marriage I've ever done anything for me.
13:35What?
13:36I've let you drink with your friends at a bar every night for the last 22 years.
13:41Oh, I just knew you'd hold that against me at some point.
13:43You know, Peter, if you took it seriously, being on the Supreme Court is actually a huge opportunity.
13:48Hmm, how so?
13:49The New York Times is reporting that tomorrow the court is hearing a case to repeal gay marriage.
13:54They are?
13:55You could potentially help save the families of millions of gay Americans.
13:59You know, Brian's right, Peter.
14:00I am tired of your shenanigans, but this, this is a chance to do some real good.
14:05Peter, would you stop playing with filters and listen to me?
14:08Okay, I've taken my filters off.
14:09Peter.
14:10What?
14:10I've just been drinking a lot of water.
14:12Do you, uh, do you have an OnlyFans?
14:15I just sent you a DM.
14:17My wish list is in my bio.
14:18All right, Brett, we're deadlocked four to four.
14:24Are you going to vote to repeal gay marriage or not?
14:27Okay, so yes means no gay marriage?
14:29Yes.
14:30And no means yes gay marriage?
14:32Yes.
14:33Do you mean yes as in no or no as in yes?
14:35God, Kavanaugh, you're like a dog with a bone with this no means yes stuff.
14:39Gay marriage, what is your decision?
14:42Well, Alito's right.
14:43The Constitution says nothing to protect gay marriage.
14:46Yes.
14:46Fetuses will be so psyched to hear that.
14:48But also, all people are equal under the law.
14:51Which is why we must not only ban gay marriage, we have to ban straight marriage.
14:56Let's do it!
14:56I hate my crazy wife!
14:59I did it!
15:00I spoke!
15:02Clarence, you forgot your lunch.
15:05Thanks, baby.
15:06It sucks that this is the only hat to overthrow democracy in.
15:18This is absurd.
15:20We can't ban all marriage.
15:21The whole point of not being gay is to get extra stuff.
15:24Sam, say I invite you out for a beer right now.
15:27Could you do it?
15:27Or would you have to ask?
15:29I'd have to ask.
15:30Ask to have a beer?
15:31How is that freedom?
15:33You know what freedom is?
15:34Imagine you can't forget your anniversary.
15:37Imagine it's illegal to have in-laws.
15:39Imagine a whole bathroom sink with just a toothbrush on it.
15:43This sounds sexist.
15:44Imagine a bar of soap in the shower with no pubes on it.
15:48Touché.
15:48You know, this would stop everyone from asking how come she's not married.
15:53I just need one more vote.
15:54Roberts?
15:55I don't know.
15:56No more wedding cakes means no more lawsuits.
15:59We'd be done by 11 every day the rest of our lives.
16:01In.
16:02We did it, guys!
16:03We changed the way everything works without asking anyone.
16:06Just like America wants!
16:12Woo-hoo!
16:14Good-o!
16:14You gotta love small beach towns with no economic opportunities.
16:18We should have a wet undies contest for guys.
16:22Shut up, Joe.
16:22Men should not say undies.
16:24And the winner of $18 in a free base-level car wash is...
16:29Diana DiGuacamo!
16:31What?
16:31That's insane!
16:33Ah!
16:33Whoa, Cav!
16:35What the hell?
16:36Amber should have won!
16:38Why are you so mad?
16:39Diana had the nicest bazongas.
16:40Look at the banner, Glenn!
16:42It's not a nicest bazongas contest.
16:45It's a wet T-shirt contest!
16:47And Amber's shirt was the wettest!
16:49But, Brett, surely the spirit of the tilt is to award the most comely bosom.
16:54Then why have T-shirts at all?
16:56Why not just hand the trophy to the woman with the biggest milk monsters?
17:00Cav, your spittin' little piece is a barf absolutely everywhere.
17:04Wet T-shirt contests have rules!
17:07That's all that separates us from animals!
17:09Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
17:11I just need to make a brief, passionate speech.
17:14Okay, I'll come back.
17:15I like rules.
17:17And I like beer.
17:19And I used to think I had to choose
17:21between making arbitrary regulations that govern every aspect of everyone's life
17:26and getting blackout drunk 24-7.
17:29But I don't have to choose.
17:31I can do both!
17:32I can do both!
17:34Uh, Brett, you're peeing on yourself.
17:37Guys, I gotta get back to D.C.
17:39But first, let's write down everything in our calendars that happened the last three days.
17:43Why?
17:43So 30 years from now, we can prove we didn't rape anyone.
17:47Wait, how would an old handwritten calendar prove anything?
17:51Trust me, it's enough.
17:53Adios, bros!
17:54That guy was a little creepy even for me.
18:01Thanks for coming to D.C. to help me, Brian.
18:03Of course.
18:04I can't believe they chose you to write a Supreme Court opinion.
18:07They must really trust you.
18:08Actually, I was just the last judge to say not it.
18:10Gorsuch said not it infinity at the beginning of the day,
18:13so he was immune.
18:14What can I do to help?
18:15Can you send Lauren Bobit a UUP text?
18:17She's already blocked my number.
18:23Sir, I've written my opinion.
18:25Kavanaugh, I've had it with you.
18:36You're constantly late, drunk, and somehow don't even know the basics of the law.
18:41I've never done this before, nor do I have the authority to do so, but you're fired.
18:45That's not Brett Kavanaugh!
18:49I am!
18:50And I can prove it!
18:52No, that's okay.
18:53Now that you're both in front of me, it's glaringly obvious.
18:56We should really get seats that face each other.
18:59Well, now that that distraction's out of the way,
19:01let's get back to banning only gay marriage like the Founding Fathers intended.
19:06Sir, you need to leave.
19:07I just need to say one thing.
19:09Sure, I'll work around your schedule.
19:11Okay, so I'm not a judge.
19:13But let's talk about the Founding Fathers.
19:15If a guy who was five feet tall, had a mouth full of wooden teeth,
19:18and pooped in a flower pot, walked in here right now,
19:21would you say, let's do everything he says?
19:24Or, maybe we can think of something better.
19:26So you really want to stick it to gay people?
19:28I mean, that's kind of why the Federalist Society put me here.
19:32Yeah.
19:33Then why let gay people sleep in, have their own bathrooms,
19:36and eat every meal at a bistro?
19:38Why should gays get to wear white jeans, host the Tonys,
19:41and have endless casual sex?
19:43You want to take away their freedom?
19:45Let them get married.
19:49Huh.
19:50Maybe you're not an idiot.
19:52I'm not.
19:53I'm just a visual learner.
19:55A toast to Peter Griffin, who brought some common sense to this court.
19:59I didn't.
20:00Beer did.
20:01Thanks, booze.
20:02Hey, this is not alcoholic.
20:04I've learned my lesson.
20:05I've listened, grown, and changed.
20:08I swear in the Bible.
20:19Son of a bitch, slip me a Mickey.
20:26I'm proud of you, Peter.
20:28I don't know how you did it, but you preserved gay marriage.
20:31I just told him how happy we are,
20:33and how everyone deserves that for themselves.
20:36Aww.
20:37Well, like every political figure with a conflicted conscience in movies,
20:40I now have to go spend the night at the Lincoln Memorial.
20:44I wish I knew what you were thinking.
20:46Did they invent bulletproof theater helmets yet?
20:49No, we just accepted anyone could get shot anywhere at any time.
20:52Well, as long as my beloved Republican Party
20:55is still upholding the traditions of Honest Abe.
20:58La, la, la, la, la, la.
Be the first to comment