Family Guy - Season 23 Episode 02 Live, Laugh, Love
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#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
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00:01It seems today that all you see
00:05Is violence in movies and sex on TV
00:08But where are those good old-fashioned values
00:12On which we used to rely?
00:15Lucky is a family guy
00:18Lucky is a man who wants to live and can do
00:22All the things that make us laugh and cry
00:25He's a family guy
00:36Oh, hi, you guys. How was school?
00:38It was fine, but we had a substitute bully today
00:41And he was doing it wrong
00:43Okay, it says tape sign on back. Is that your back? My back?
00:47I gotta be honest, I only got called in like 45 minutes ago
00:50Just pinch my nipples and get out of here
00:52Oh, we also need you to sign these permission slips
00:55We're taking a school field trip to Washington D.C.
00:57Sounds great. Bring him over here and I'll give you my John Hancock
01:00Who's that?
01:01I'm sorry. I mean my Lane Bryant
01:03Well, just say that then
01:09Big day, gentlemen. It's the one day a year Peter eats a salad
01:13Poor bastard. No one should have to go through that hell
01:17Well, he made a promise to Lois. It was actually in their wedding vows
01:21All right, let's get this over with
01:23I brought the whitest looking lettuce from McDonald's I could find
01:26I'm hoping it has McNugget smell accidentally on it
01:29They brought today's newspaper like yeah, so you'd have proof of salad
01:33Got it
01:40I love my wife. I love my wife. I love my wife
01:44And inside this local tavern, a portly gentleman has just consumed his annual salad
02:02I'm Garrison Keillor and I was me too'd for quaintly groping
02:06So now I'm doing this
02:13So Chris, Meg, you guys excited for your big trip to Washington D.C.
02:17Yeah, the cool kids are bringing a candy colored version of whatever drug the media's most freaking parents out about
02:23What?
02:24Relax, Mom. We're being supervised by public school employees who themselves are battling their own crippling addictions
02:30Peter, are you hearing this?
02:32I'm not. I'm chewing Cap'n Crunch. I can't hear anything
02:37I just worry, but I guess that's what moms do
02:40Well, that and give you a recap of everyone who's died that you don't know
02:44You know Leonard died
02:46Who?
02:47Leonard
02:48Okay
02:49Estelle's pretty upset and right on the heels of Abner
02:52Uh-huh
02:53You should probably call Edith
02:55I'll give you Alfred's number
02:57Who the hell are these people?
02:59Is this just an excuse to say old people's names?
03:03Vivian
03:14Huh
03:21What's the matter? You look upset
03:33Eh, it's just Joe's been pretty stingy with his ha-has over text
03:37I think you're probably reading into that
03:39Ah, seriously, Cleveland sends some lame crap and Joe ha-has it
03:43I send a photo of me hanging a foreclosure notice over a toilet
03:46Nothing
03:47I'm telling you, he never laughs at anything of mine
03:49They must have given you one at some point
03:51I mean, sure, at some point
04:09Oh my god, he's literally never given me one!
04:28Joe doesn't think I'm funny?
04:30Oh, thank god you're here
04:31You know funny when you hear it
04:33Hey ostrich, did you hear that crazy story about the monkey's favorite food?
04:37It's bananas!
04:39Hmm
04:44Hey, gang
04:45I know you're not used to seeing your teachers in shorts
04:47So let's get it all out of the way
04:51They're just legs, guys
04:53Oh, one more thing
04:54We do have a surprise chaperone for this trip
04:57Everyone say hi to Chris and Meg's mom, Lois Griffin
05:03Did somebody say cool mom with an Activia fanny pack?
05:06They give you a free one if you send in enough lids
05:08I've got two fanny packs and a very healthy colon
05:11Our chaperone is mom?
05:14You're lucky
05:15My mother died last year after a long illness
05:18You got your GoFundMe money, so shut up!
05:21Mom, what the hell are you doing here?
05:31Are you trying to kill our reputation?
05:33Oh, relax you two
05:35I'm gonna be the cool mom, huh?
05:37I may even have the kids call me Mrs. G
05:39Mrs. G
05:41Mrs. G
05:43Can you imagine?
05:44Just like Mrs. Garrett from The Facts of Life
05:46Nobody knows who that is
05:48Come on, Tootie
05:49Blair
05:50Joe
05:51Bitch, what you talking about?
05:52Just settle down, you guys
05:54I promise I won't embarrass you
05:56Okay, everyone
05:57I've got candy
05:59Everybody reach in, but just take one
06:01Fanny candy
06:03Fanny candy
06:04Fanny candy
06:05Fanny candy
06:06Oh my god, this is terrible
06:08This is more embarrassing than when I tried to return that real doll
06:11Uh, yes, hello
06:13I would like to return my real doll
06:16Okay, and what condition is the doll in?
06:19Um, let's say fair
06:22Any visible marks?
06:23Some light choking?
06:25We can't take the doll back if there are choke marks on it
06:27Oh, no, no, no, the choke marks are on me
06:29And in her defense, I did have it coming
06:32Actually, I don't want to return the real doll
06:34This is just part of the dance
06:36Oh, no, I didn't realize you were there the whole time
06:40I hope I'm not in for some light choking
06:46Why do you even care if Joe's never laughed at one of your texts?
06:49Brian, I know it seems like I have it all
06:51But even I, a man with 15 Halloween masks
06:55Have my struggles with insecurity
06:58So, what are you gonna do?
06:59I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine
07:02From this day forward, I will never laugh at another one of Joe's texts
07:12His mind just works in a different way than mine
07:16Oh, no, accidental heart, accidental heart
07:18Quick, replace it with a ha-ha
07:20Phew, that was close
07:22I was almost gay
07:23Huh, Peter just came out of the closet
07:26Oh, no, he didn't
07:27The heart emoji
07:28Careful, straight dudes
07:30Ugh, look at us
07:36Different generations enjoying a fancy resort
07:39Um, don't, please
07:41Quiet, Meg
07:42So, I saw a really funny TikTok
07:44Do you know that one?
07:45Tuck, do you know that one?
07:46You're gonna have to be more specific
07:48Which one?
07:49Uh-uh, there's-there's more than one?
07:52Why is everyone leaving?
07:53Cuz you're lame and we don't wanna be with you
07:55Come on, guys, let's go watch CNBC in the lobby
07:58Yeah, I think I saw a bowl of bananas
08:00God, those kids are a nightmare
08:13They're just so... mean
08:15Just be thankful this isn't your entire life
08:17You get to go home at the end of all of this
08:20To a family and someone you love
08:22Oh, come on
08:23I'm sure there's someone special in your life
08:26You know, there was someone a long time ago
08:30It was 1993 and I was folding clothes at a structure
08:35Everyone was back then
08:37Then, I saw her
08:39Shelly Barnes
08:41Boy, was she something
08:43Tall, tan
08:45She was more scrunchy than woman
08:51We wanted the dream
08:53Our own Taco Bell franchise
08:55But then, it happened
08:57The one thing you never wanna hear
09:00Hey, John
09:01I was just thinking
09:02What if we open a Taco Bell slash Pizza Hut?
09:10The psychic who told me to do this
09:12Never said anything about Pizza Hut
09:16I was young and bullheaded
09:18I had these ideas of what fast food should be
09:21The worst part was
09:22When I told her the bad news
09:23She threw my retainer right in the bushes
09:25Right in the bushes
09:26I looked for a little bit
09:27But eventually I just said
09:28Eh, screw it
09:29Anyway
09:30That one argument consumed us
09:32Never saw Shelly again
09:34I'm so sorry to hear all that, Principal Shepard
09:38Phew, what a day
09:40I need a drink
09:41Jack on the rocks?
09:42No, in the toilet
09:44But I'll have that drink now
09:46Hey, Joe
09:50You know, you might wanna contact your cell carrier
09:52Cause all your ha-hahs are coming through as thumbs up lately
09:55Oh, boy
09:56What's, uh...
09:57What's going on with you never laughing at any of my texts?
10:00Peter, maybe now's not the time
10:02No, no, no, tell me
10:03What is it?
10:04Honestly, nothing
10:05I just don't always think you're all that funny
10:07Oh...
10:09Wow
10:11Uh...
10:12Okay, wow
10:13Wow
10:14Look, if I want someone to burp the national anthem
10:16There is no second call
10:17It's you or nobody
10:19Thank you, Joe
10:20Thank you for saying that
10:21But when it comes to laughs
10:22You're just not my cup of tea
10:24Hell, I've never even seen Austin Powers
10:26Oh, well, there you go
10:27All right, fellas
10:28I gotta run
10:29Look, this doesn't change anything, Peter
10:31You're my friend
10:32No hard feelings
10:34Oh, yeah, no hard feelings
10:35Like your dink
10:37I'll see you around, Peter
10:40I'll tell you what
10:41I'm gonna get a laugh from him
10:42Hmm
10:43I'm not sure about that
10:44Seems like he's preyed on this one
10:46Well, I'm gonna give it the old college try
10:49Are you gonna go to class?
10:51No
10:56Ah, there you are
10:57You're not gonna believe this
10:58Did they get the blood out of the ice machine?
11:00No, I found your ex on Facebook
11:02What?
11:03Shelly Barnes
11:04She lives only like 30 miles from here
11:07Hmm
11:08Is 30 miles enough time for me to get totally jacked before I see her?
11:11Sure, you can do push-ups in the bus aisle
11:13Let's go find her
11:17Hey, hey, listen up
11:18Has anyone seen Principal Shepard?
11:20He said he had to go to the men's room and then he just disappeared
11:23Yeah, I'm not sure
11:24I think we're all just kinda finger-blasting anything that moves back here
11:29I'll be right back
11:31Excuse me, have you seen a heavy-set middle-aged man?
11:34Kinda sad-looking?
11:36Hmm
11:37Oh
11:42Hey, you know, there was a guy that left in a yellow cab a few minutes ago
11:46He got the number from a magazine he had in his pocket
11:48I've never seen such stretched-out pockets on a sport coat before
11:51Oh my god, that's him!
11:53Principal Shepard must have run away!
11:55Now, do you have any security footage from the lobby?
11:57Sorry, the only video we have is from the karaoke lounge
12:00He killed Sublime, by the way
12:02I don't practice Santeria
12:05I ain't got no crystal ball
12:08Well, I had a million dollars, but
12:11Don't take those fries!
12:12I'm not done!
12:13I'd spend it all
12:14If I could find...
12:15I lost my place
12:18Start it all from the top, Jean
12:25Okay, guys
12:26Principal Shepard is gone
12:28Did you check the karaoke lounge?
12:29He got in a huge fight with that Jean guy
12:32Look, I know you think adults are lame
12:34That we're just big bags of crap that drink coffee
12:36But we are people too!
12:37Most of the things you think are important now
12:40Aren't
12:41Looks fade
12:42Waists expand
12:43Chins double
12:44And dreams die
12:45And one day
12:46One day
12:47You're gonna wish that a bus full of punk kids
12:49Would come along and help you when you need it most
12:51Now that man is scared and alone
12:53And he needs us right now
12:54Now who's with me?
12:56Me!
13:01Wait a minute
13:02If Principal Shepard's gone
13:03Who's gonna drive the bus?
13:09Someone say something about a bus driver?
13:12I still need six hours of supervised road time for my B-Class license
13:15But I'm pretty sure I can handle this bad boy
13:18Meg?
13:19Let's go find our principal
13:21Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry guys I got some but I think the troublemaker's still in there
13:34Can someone please turn on the always 1978 bus radio?
13:41I cried a tear
13:45You wiped a tear dry
13:50Eww!
13:52It's not my fault!
13:54It's a ballon!
13:5597.1 WBUS
13:57Songs you can't poop over on a bus
13:59Soft stool in our way through the 70s
14:02I love you
14:05I honestly love you
14:10Eww!
14:12Change the damn station!
14:19Whoa whoa where you going?
14:20I've had it Brian!
14:21I am getting a ha ha from Joe if it's the last thing I do!
14:24And how are you planning to do this?
14:26I'm gonna send a funny text and then sneak over to Joe's and ha ha it!
14:29Okay but why are you wearing all black?
14:31So no one will see me!
14:37Why the hell are you wearing all black?
14:39Why the hell are you wearing a ladies ball gown?
14:42Okay let's just both resume whatever it is we were doing
15:09Who's there?
15:34Don't struggle it only makes it tighter
15:39Peter what the hell is going on here?
15:51Joe! Joe! Are you okay?
15:53Yeah I'm fine bun
15:55Oh
16:00We looked all night and there's no sign of Principal Shepard anywhere
16:04Oh my god of course stop the bus Meg! Look!
16:10Gotcha!
16:16I thought I might find you here
16:18Mrs. Griffin I uh
16:19Look I wanted to say I'm sorry
16:21I shouldn't have inserted myself into your personal life
16:24That was wrong of me
16:26I know you just wanted to help
16:28I just panicked
16:30I got so scared of her seeing me now and thinking that I'm this big loser
16:33Hey you are not a loser
16:36May I remind you I wear Saucony sneakers and Lee jeans
16:43You are not a loser
16:45Hmm
16:56Mrs. Griffin you'll get one more chance
17:03Well Mr. Griffin the surgery went according to plan
17:05Great thank you Dr. Hatman
17:07And I didn't know how to categorize your injuries on the insurance form
17:10So I just put gays stabbing
17:12Oh okay
17:13Uh who else who else sees that
17:15Oh almost almost nobody
17:16It's just for like file keeping record stuff
17:19frequency
17:21Season do
17:23Hey there
17:24Here
17:26There
17:28Please
17:42You
18:03Go get him
18:12Shelly hi, it's uh, it's me John Shepard listen John. I think hang on hang on
18:17Just just let me say what I want to say god. You look great
18:21Listen, I know it must be odd to see me standing here all these years later
18:26And although I look like a man on the outside shelly lives in the house next door. Oh
18:31Oh, uh, which? Oh, uh, the one with the above-ground pool and angry dogs tied to the tree in the front yard
18:42No way John Shepard is that really you it is
18:49Shelly
18:54I'd invite you in but my uncle's getting dialysis right here in the bonus room. Oh wow
18:59Listen, I was I was just in the neighborhood. I wanted to come by and see how you've been. Yeah, not too bad
19:06You know, I ended up opening the taco bell pizza hut, but it never really took off
19:11I think ultimately it came down to me trading too many pizzas for drugs
19:16Right, right listen. I actually gotta get these kids somewhere
19:20Well, it was nice to see you John. You ever want to hang out you know where to find me
19:26You'll find her in the wind and in the trees around you where the leaves blow and the river flows
19:32I'm sorry. Who are you? I'm Jared Fogel the former subway spokesperson
19:36Not sure I want you in my thought bubble. Aren't you in prison? Yes, this is how I spend my days in my cell
19:43Hey, how many kids you got on this bus by the way?
19:46This is why this is why I don't want you in there
19:54Thanks for pushing me to go find my first love sorry it ended up being such a waste of time
19:59No, this was not a waste. You just found out you won. I did how so your ex-girlfriend is a total loser
20:07Meanwhile, you have a great job with a pension a house and a car with all different color doors
20:14Yeah, right. I guess old ships doing okay
20:18You sure are now all you gotta do is just not humiliate yourself on a bus full of children
20:23Ooh on that note. I gotta make a quick stop in the little boys room
20:29Turn on the radio
20:39This bowl is getting very full. I strongly suggest we don't go up or down any hills
20:53Oh
20:55Right
21:25I
21:27I
21:29I
21:31I
21:33I
21:35I
21:37I
21:39I
21:41I
21:43I
21:45I
21:47I
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