- 6 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm glad you were available to come to this singles mixer.
00:04I just wanted to do something nice to take your mind off this Sarah.
00:07I know you like her, and I also know it's not happening.
00:11Why?
00:11She's too serious about her career to date her boss's son.
00:14She won't poop where she eats, which is a terrible metaphor,
00:18and a shame because pooping and eating at the same time
00:21is one of life's great pleasures.
00:24I know why I'm here, Dad. What about you?
00:26Well, I'm here to make sure you don't hook up with any of my sloppy seconds.
00:30At least not unwittingly.
00:31So let's see. That would be her, her, him, him too.
00:35Her, him, that group over there, that bar stool you're sitting on.
00:39Ah! Hello.
00:41Ty, why don't you introduce me to your friend?
00:44What?
00:45Oh, sorry about my Dad. I'm Ty.
00:48Magara, no need to apologize.
00:49It was actually kind of smooth.
00:51Was it?
00:52No, not at all.
00:54So, what do you do?
00:56Oh, um, I don't really like to talk about that.
00:58Oh, no, I hate talking about my job so much, I don't even have one.
01:04Not in a sad way, more like a cool, idle, rich way.
01:07I live on a houseboat.
01:09Oh, that sounds kind of fun.
01:10Really?
01:14What is happening?
01:15We matched.
01:16Time for the dragon to throw us off the barge.
01:18Time for the dragon to what now?
01:19Woo-hoo!
01:20Good morning, family.
01:48You're looking at a man who got very, very lucky last night.
01:52Please tell your father about it in exquisite detail.
01:55Well, after Meg and I tumbled off the barge and I stopped screaming, we got dinner.
02:01So far, this amount of detail is doing nothing for me.
02:05We're taking things slowly.
02:06Now you've lost me entirely.
02:08Hey, Ty.
02:08Do you think you could help me with some city business tonight?
02:11Oh, I have a date.
02:12Oh.
02:14But maybe I still can.
02:15There's a lot of time in the day.
02:17That's the thing.
02:18No one agrees on how much day is in a day, so people keep missing appointments.
02:22I thought you and I could start watching the sunsets to get a handle on it.
02:25Do you need my help watching the sunset?
02:29Yeah, at Poppy Peak.
02:30But you have a date, so forget I mentioned it.
02:32I might be able to move some things around.
02:35Whatever.
02:35We can do it another night.
02:36The sunsets every day.
02:38At least, I think it does.
02:41Dad, could you talk to me in the other room, please?
02:43I hope it's the bathroom, because that's where I'm headed.
02:47A message from the social secretary!
02:51Uh, Dad left.
02:52It's just us here.
02:53Well, I already did the trumpet noise, so I'm just going to say the thing.
02:56The royal family of the kingdom of Sebacia regret to inform you that they have a plague.
03:01So we will either have to reschedule your visit, or, depending on the death toll, cancel it permanently.
03:07Did you say plague?
03:09Mom, why did you say plague the same way I would say cake?
03:13Because the first god who shows up to a plague city gets to claim credit for it,
03:17and then the whole city cowers in fear every time we go back.
03:20That's not like cake.
03:22So if you'll excuse me, Mama's got to go get paid.
03:25Mind if I tag along?
03:27Why?
03:28The Sebacians are fish, people.
03:30You might need a translator.
03:31I speak a little glub-glub.
03:33I should be fine.
03:34All right, fine.
03:35You're going to be doing some high-level guarding.
03:37I want to see it.
03:38I want to study the master at work.
03:40Well, next time, lead with that.
03:41Easily swayed by flattery exit.
03:44Oh, yeah!
03:45Who's a good girl?
03:49Dad, you are so wrong.
03:51The Sarah is into me.
03:53Just so I'm clear, is this a situation where me being wrong is a good thing for you?
03:57Because if it is, hooray!
03:59You heard what she said.
04:00She wants me to time the sunset with her.
04:03Time the sunset.
04:04That's a completely made-up activity.
04:06It's on.
04:07That's great.
04:08So what's the problem?
04:09The problem is I've got this new girlfriend, Meg.
04:11Oh, God, I'm going to have to break it off with her, aren't I?
04:13Oh, I hate this.
04:15I feel sick.
04:16Son, what are you trying to tell me?
04:18Are you monogamous?
04:21What?
04:21Yeah, I guess.
04:24Listen, I'll love you no matter what, and I'm willing to accept your lifestyle.
04:29I'd just rather not have to hear about it.
04:31Bad people of Sabatia, you must be wondering why you've all been dying and are getting very ugly.
04:43Well, wonder no longer.
04:44I, the goddess queen Deliria, have brought this plague upon you because you have displeased me.
04:52I always look like this, so I'm good, right?
04:55No, I erased your memory.
04:56Yesterday, you were gorgeous.
04:58I was?
04:59That is awesome.
05:02Well, we didn't know which god we had upset, but now that we do, we can do something about it, right, guys?
05:07Hold up a second, King August.
05:09I just have a few questions.
05:11What the hell do you think you're doing?
05:13Just a little science.
05:14What's your main source of drinking water?
05:16Is it this pond?
05:17Yes.
05:18Why do you ask?
05:19Yes, why do you ask?
05:20Because you're very close to displeasing me right now, and I am in a plaguing mood.
05:25I got a theory that plagues are caused by something in poopy water.
05:29Potentially the poop.
05:30Well, stop having that theory.
05:32You said you were going to study me, and before that, you said you speak glub-glub.
05:36Whatever it took to get you to bring me here.
05:39Now I'm going to figure out how plague works, so it can be avoided in the future.
05:43Why would you do such a petty, vindictive thing?
05:47Why do you think?
05:48For the glory.
05:49Duh.
05:50Well, you do your little science, but stay out of my way.
05:54And if you give them even a hint that I didn't cause this one, I swear I...
05:58Hey, are you going to be on one?
06:00Yes, we're going to be a while.
06:01And you just got yourself three more weeks of plague for interrupting.
06:05Ah, Algus.
06:07Stupid, stupid.
06:08Why did you have to...
06:10Well, everyone makes mistakes.
06:11You'll get them next time, Algus.
06:14Thanks for meeting me early.
06:16Oh, I was happy to.
06:17You know, my oracle told me I was going to meet a funny guy on a barge.
06:21Actually, get this, she said a keeper.
06:23Oh, isn't that amazing?
06:25Yeah, about that.
06:27Is everything all right?
06:28No, I mean, yes.
06:30I mean, there's something I need to...
06:32Oh, my God.
06:34Hold on.
06:34I cannot believe he's here.
06:36Who?
06:36I'm so sorry.
06:37I need to take care of this real quick.
06:38Seth, I see you.
06:40You think you can enjoy a nice meal?
06:43You can never escape me.
06:44I am relentless.
06:46I am unforgiving.
06:47Wherever you go, whatever you do, I am your personal destruction.
06:52The only way to make it stop is to kill yourself.
06:56Do it.
06:57Do it now.
06:57He's thinking about it.
07:06I'm sorry.
07:08Are you...
07:09I'm a fury.
07:10So sorry to have to work on our date.
07:12I hate people who do that.
07:14So your job is to...
07:15To torment men.
07:17Yeah.
07:17When a guy messes up with a woman, she'll call us, and we torment the guy until he kills himself.
07:21Which you really should consider!
07:23So anyway, that's why I don't really like to talk about it early in a relationship.
07:28The fury energy tends to intimidate guys, and sometimes I kind of can't quite shake it off right away.
07:33You know, it kind of wants to hang on all at all.
07:36But you're not intimidated, are you?
07:38Did you say there was something you wanted to talk about?
07:41Nope.
07:42She's a fury.
07:49Megara's a flippin' fury.
07:50I need everyone to drop everything and help me deal with this.
07:53I don't see a problem.
07:55I've always wanted to be ravaged by a fury.
07:58I was going to break up with her so I could watch the sunset with my dream girl.
08:01I can't do that now.
08:02She'll fury me.
08:03I can't handle getting furied.
08:04No one can.
08:05Exactly.
08:06Which means I really can't.
08:08What the hell do I do now?
08:09This one's easy.
08:10Get her to dump you.
08:11You're great at that.
08:13But not this time.
08:14She likes me.
08:15Her oracle said I'm a keeper.
08:17Okay, okay.
08:18I've got it.
08:20I am the all-seeing oracle.
08:23I've got one eye and it sees everything.
08:25Probably because I'm breathing volcano fumes all day.
08:28That's a scuttlebutt on oracles.
08:30They're basically just hallucinating.
08:32I'm going to pretend to be an oracle and tell her not to date you.
08:35I don't know, Steve.
08:36Feels risky.
08:37You are getting very sleepy.
08:40That's hypnosis.
08:41Is this your card?
08:43That's magic.
08:44Any other ideas?
08:45You go see Viserra.
08:46Daddy will take care of it.
08:47I wingmanned one suitor into Megara's life.
08:50I can do it again.
08:51And I still got that oracle playing in my back pocket.
08:54And I'm feeling very spooky.
08:58That's a ghost juke.
09:00So are we going to keep playing watermelon axmouth or what?
09:03Oh, good.
09:06You're here.
09:06Wouldn't miss it.
09:07Though I should warn you, I'm technically not single.
09:10Yeah.
09:10Wait, what?
09:11Warn me?
09:12Nothing.
09:12No, I didn't.
09:13I was just saying.
09:14I love to just say it's very grounding.
09:17Okay, weirdo.
09:18Let's get started before we lose more light.
09:20Wait, we're actually measuring the sunset?
09:22God, I'm hungry.
09:23Give me your hand.
09:25For measuring?
09:26Huh.
09:26Just because I'm a hungry cannibal doesn't mean I want to eat you.
09:29I brought snacks.
09:30Here.
09:31Ow.
09:31I'll hold this counter and you slowly close your fingers as the sun sets.
09:35And you're saying this is the only way to tell time?
09:38Only way I could think of.
09:40So are you settling in okay?
09:42Making friends?
09:44Well, I did make one friend.
09:45She was just telling me she met a guy she really likes but isn't sure she should tell him.
09:50Okay, I think I get it.
09:51Is it because your friend doesn't know if he feels the same way?
09:56Exactly.
09:57Well, I can tell you for certain, he does.
09:59How do you know that?
10:02Oh, damn.
10:03We screwed it up.
10:05Guess we'll have to come back again tomorrow night.
10:07Right.
10:07To, because we...
10:09Jerky?
10:10What kind?
10:14Meg.
10:14Oh, Shlav, what are you doing here?
10:16Why don't you introduce me to your friend?
10:18Huh?
10:19What's up, Meg?
10:20I'm Broseidon.
10:21As in nephew of Poseidon.
10:23Yes, that Poseidon.
10:24But I'm my own guy.
10:25I've been working on that.
10:26Oh, sorry, I couldn't really hear you over all the alarm bells going off in my head.
10:31What was that?
10:32Okay.
10:33A feisty one.
10:35Me likey feisty.
10:36Broseidon, didn't you have something to tell Megara?
10:39Right, yes.
10:41Speaking of dads.
10:42Your father, man, he must be a thief.
10:44Because he stole the stars and he put them in your eyes, baby.
10:48My father is Hades.
10:50Dang!
10:50So those are probably, like, what, people's skulls in there?
10:55You are stupid.
10:57Oh, man, and you are so scary.
11:00I love it when women are mean to me.
11:03I'm seeing you in a vision.
11:05The vision is caused by volcano fumes.
11:07I see an ocean, but specifically not a houseboat.
11:11And a guy, okay, wow, this is crucial, with a ponytail on his chin.
11:17She's describing you.
11:19Okay, but, like, is she coincidentally hallucinating exactly me while not seeing me right in front of her, or...
11:24Let's have whatever takeaway feels right and move on.
11:27May I present to you, for your pleasure, the world-famous Sabatian Chorus.
11:34Wow, wow, wow.
11:37Your plague took out everyone but the bases.
11:40Oh, they're terrible, but I do like how you said it was my plague.
11:44Don't forget that.
11:45Now, let's talk about my temple.
11:48Can I have everybody's attention, please?
11:51I'm looking for a volunteer for some experiments I'm gonna be doing on the causes of plague.
11:58The causes of plague?
11:59Full disclosure, this will be extremely dangerous, but you just might save your city.
12:04Oh, hippocampus, that reminds me.
12:06I wanted to tell you...
12:08Give it up, you little creep, or I shall crush you into a paste.
12:11Nice.
12:11Unfortunately for you, I'm a scientist, so it's my job to figure out the truth.
12:16The truth?
12:17Who cares?
12:19Anyone?
12:20I'll do it.
12:21Ah, scumbo.
12:23I got nothing left to lose.
12:25And if I'm gonna go out, I'd rather do it helping.
12:30No, no, no, no, no, no.
12:31Healthy.
12:31Guess I should have specified.
12:33Thought it was clear.
12:33I believe plague may be caused by something that grows in poopy water.
12:40Not any act of any god.
12:43Just normal, poopy water.
12:45What?
12:46Are you saying we should be kissing the water's ass instead of delirium?
12:49How would we kiss water's ass?
12:51We'll find a way.
12:52Goddess Ross!
12:53You can't silence the truth!
12:57Now, where were we?
12:59This next song is just for the lovers.
13:05I figured out what I was doing wrong last time.
13:08I needed a little help from the Earth's vapors, if you know what I mean.
13:11I am an incredible wingman, and everything is going fine without you.
13:16This is fun.
13:17But I feel bad about Ty.
13:19He's a really genuine guy, and I don't want to hurt him.
13:21You're a good woman, man.
13:23But you have to promise me when we break up, you're going to give me hell.
13:26Because I feel that deep down, that's the kind of treatment I deserve.
13:29Of course, Broseidon.
13:31Of course.
13:33But first, I have to break up with Ty.
13:35She's going to break up with you.
13:37I saw it.
13:38In her vision.
13:39And in real life.
13:40Oh, man.
13:41I got to hide.
13:42These volcano fumes are wild.
13:47Magara.
13:48Ty, listen.
13:49You're a really great guy, but I don't think this is going to work out.
13:53I met someone else.
13:54Oh, no.
13:55I'm sad, but I understand.
13:57It was kind of nuts.
13:58We just had such a connection, and this crazy oracle said something.
14:02I told you it would work.
14:04Is that the oracle?
14:08Schlub?
14:08What?
14:09Did you plan all this?
14:11Oh, no.
14:12Oh, no.
14:13Oh, no.
14:13Oh, no.
14:14Oh, no.
14:14Oh, no.
14:14Oh, no.
14:17Ah.
14:18Anyone want to hit the volcano with me?
14:20Fumes?
14:21No?
14:22It's possible I have a problem.
14:28You made up a whole scheme with your family so I'd break up with you?
14:32How insulting is that?
14:33I was worried you'd be upset if I ended things.
14:36You thought I'd be upset after two days?
14:39Well, in my defense, you do seem pretty upset.
14:41I'm not mad you broke up with me.
14:43I'm mad you did it like a two-faced Weasley coward.
14:47If you could just calm down for a second, we can talk about this.
14:50Calm down.
14:51That's it.
14:53I am officially submitting your fury today.
14:56Your fury!
14:57Ah!
14:58And with this drop of blood, I consecrate this stone in the name of Deliria, which will
15:06be one of the thousands of stones.
15:09You're saying the tallest structure in the world?
15:11Yes.
15:12Millions of stones forming the great temple of Deliria.
15:16And you're saying each one has to be consecrated in my blood?
15:19Oh, I don't know.
15:20How much blood do things typically have?
15:22I don't think enough for a million stones.
15:37Hey, what do you think you're doing?
15:39Proving that this water is causing the plague when I infect myself.
15:44Look, Scumbo!
15:45Look what he's...
15:46Well, you would have liked it, I bet.
15:49You view me a rat.
15:50I wonder where I'll start.
15:51Phantom itch?
15:52Uncredible U.I. infection?
15:53You are very good at this.
15:54I know I am.
15:55You aren't just messing with a fury.
15:56You are messing with a three-time fury of the month.
15:59Just jump time?
16:00You'd save us both a lot of trouble.
16:01I could be homogenized for dinner.
16:02Ha ha!
16:03You already took the coward's way out once!
16:20Why not do it again?
16:21Coward!
16:22Coward!
16:23Coward!
16:25I know!
16:26I know I am!
16:27I was too afraid to have an awkward break-up conversation with you.
16:32You're absolutely right. I am a coward.
16:35What did you do?
16:37Nothing. I just said you were right.
16:40Stop doing that!
16:41I'm sorry.
16:43Don't be. This is where I tear you down and make you feel like garbage.
16:47But I already feel like garbage. I sort of always do.
16:50I know I'm scared and I'm an idiot around women and I'm ashamed of that.
16:54Which makes you impervious to fury.
16:57I mean, it's terrifying, but I'm not going to kill myself.
17:03Huh. I'm not mad anymore.
17:06Not even a trace of it. Wild.
17:09Maybe I was just hungry.
17:10Well, great. So, friends?
17:13Oh, no. No, no, no.
17:15But I am, however, going to do some cardio.
17:20You stop that right now.
17:22Uh-oh. Are you worried I'm going to get sick?
17:24Possibly because you don't cause plagues and something else does.
17:28Of course not. I just don't want you to stink on the ride home.
17:32Hope I don't get deformed from something you didn't do.
17:35Oh, God. What did I do?
17:43Mom, it was a game of chicken.
17:45You were supposed to stop me.
17:47Calm down. No plagues at...
17:49You saved me.
17:58You can actually cure this thing?
18:00You should know there aren't a lot of things I can't kill.
18:03And whatever plague is seems to be very, very small.
18:07You all saw it was the water, though.
18:09Right?
18:09Who cares what it was? Deliria fixed it.
18:12All hail Deliria!
18:14All hail Deliria!
18:16I gotta hand it to you, Mom.
18:18I did see a master at work.
18:19You stopped me from getting any glory.
18:21And you still have your plague worshipers.
18:23Are you kidding?
18:24Cure worship is nothing.
18:25It lasts a few days.
18:27Tops.
18:27I didn't get into this for random admiration once in a while.
18:31I'm in the fear business.
18:33This place is kicked.
18:34Well, maybe they'll start pooping in their drinking water again.
18:37Stop trying to make me feel better.
18:39All hail Deliria!
18:41Saviour of the...
18:42No, shut up.
18:45Okay.
18:4679, Crepopolis.
18:48Oh, good.
18:48I was worried I'd missed you.
18:4980, Crepopolis.
18:5181, Crepopolis.
18:52And it's down.
18:54So, work is done.
18:55Perfect timing.
18:56You want to get a drink?
18:57You know, I would.
18:58But I can't tonight.
19:00My friend just went through a bad breakup and she wants to blow off some steam.
19:03Hey there.
19:03Don't hurt me.
19:05Oh, whoa.
19:06Why would she hurt you?
19:07Oh, my God.
19:10You're the guy.
19:11Oh, yeah.
19:12He's the guy.
19:13And you guys are good friends.
19:16Yep.
19:16You're not going to talk about me, are you?
19:18You're not going to talk about me.
19:19I mean, come on.
19:20We're girls.
19:20Oh, yeah.
19:21Big time.
19:22Hey.
19:23Um, could you maybe not tell anyone you stopped a fury?
19:27Or at least, like, not how, right?
19:29It's just, like, my whole job is to get guys to kill themselves.
19:33So, if word gets out, you know what I'm saying?
19:36I understand.
19:37And the prince honored her request, which is why the knowledge of how to stop a fury was lost to man forever.
19:44Also why, ironically enough, no man to this day has truly owned his cowardice or apologized for his...
19:52Hey, when you're done.
19:52Are you serious, David?
19:54What?
19:55Oh, were you recording?
19:56In my recording studio with the door closed.
19:58Was I recording?
20:00Jeez, you don't have to be a...
20:01A what?
20:02No, say it.
20:03Am I inconveniencing you, David, doing the job that pays our rent?
20:06For the cramped apartment we had to move into because you murdered that guy?
20:09Sorry.
20:10What did you just say?
20:11Accidentally murdered.
20:13Get out!
20:13I shouldn't have said that.
20:14Get out of my face.
20:15I said get out!
20:15Okay, okay, okay.
20:17Which is why no man to this day has ever apologized for his transgressions.
20:24I'm gonna murder you, David!
20:26I said I'm sorry.
20:27I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
20:28Hey, sis.
20:35How you doing?
20:37Those vapors were strong.
20:38I shouldn't have gone near them.
20:39But yeah, I'm okay now.
20:41You know, Dad's an expert in this kind of thing.
20:44If you need help coming down from it or anything.
20:47No, I'm good.
20:48But good looking out, bro.
20:49Of course.
20:52The Society of Oracles is aware that you've been impersonating us.
20:58Oh, shoot.
20:59You already know where I'm gonna hate you.
21:11As do you.
21:12A worthy adversary indeed.
21:13I'm anticipating every blow.
21:18I'm a real oracle.
21:20Oh, I almost forgot.
21:22Not now, hippo.
21:23I'm being inducted into the Society of Oracles.
21:27I'll go get that.
21:31Did you get any of that?
21:32Guess you, I'm going to go get him.
21:36Well, you know, you're pretty.
21:37Go to menинаinainainaina.
21:38Do you the things you kick the punches, theuchi had you in?
21:40I'd be glad to buy things off the side- marca.
21:41And that's thectica.
21:42I love that.
21:43Oh, sure.
21:44Yeah.
21:45I love that.
21:46I love that.
21:47You're Åžu when I hear you.
21:49I love your hand標.
21:50You're too.
21:50I'm fine.
21:51I have one.
21:52I love you.
21:53There's nadie.
21:53I love you.
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