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- #ghostau
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#GhostAU
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00:00You
00:30Finally, by order of the king, I hereby claim the master bedroom.
00:58A good captain needs good quarters, so I'm sure we can all agree that I deserve the biggest room.
01:04Absolutely not. I belong upstairs. Not to be rude, but you all reek of downstairs.
01:08Oi! Gideon was dead here at first, right? So what he says goes.
01:11Guys, stop arguing. A bit insensitive. This is a horrible way to die.
01:16Better than watching your six brothers waste away to nothing and the great hunger leaking from every opening.
01:21Now let it go, woman.
01:22How are you guys not more upset? We've been living for 30 years in this house with old men.
01:26And what's the name of the man?
01:29Fuck a duck!
01:30He lives again!
01:32Yes! That's it! Get physical! Activate those fingers!
01:36Yes, push! You can do it! You're gonna win!
01:40He's dead again.
01:41My father had a beautiful saying about death.
01:50Scintillating as always, June.
01:52Greetings!
01:53Hello!
01:54G'day, mate.
01:55Who are you people?
01:56My good man, fear not. We are the spectral denizens of this abode.
02:00Oh, just say ghosts.
02:01We're ghosts.
02:02We are all ghosts, and I am their beloved leader.
02:06You're a turnip.
02:08Unfortunately, old boy, as the newest ghost, you shall have to relinquish your sleeping quarters
02:12and support my claim for the...
02:14Say hi to my dad for me.
02:17We'll never forget you.
02:19I want to say Alan.
02:22That bedroom is mine!
02:24Daddy built it for me!
02:25I guess we got the place all to ourselves again.
02:27Ah, well, back to work.
02:31Jazzercise?
02:31It's only a small studio, so one couple at a time, please.
02:39Thanks so much. Let me know if you want a contract.
02:41Hi. Hi.
02:46The auction is next week, if you're getting finance organised.
02:49Great.
02:50There's a flyer. Come on through.
02:51Thanks.
02:52Oh, it's got a window, so already better than the other 13 places.
02:57Um, sorry, just about this situation.
02:59Isn't there a rule about the distance between kitchen and toilet?
03:02As long as the toilet has a door, you are fine.
03:05It doesn't have a door.
03:06Well, perfect job for hubby, isn't it?
03:08We're not married.
03:09I wouldn't tell the bank that.
03:10Yeah.
03:11But, you know, we could...
03:12I could just put up a wall and maybe a...
03:14maybe a door.
03:16Um...
03:17Could you not touch anything, please?
03:20Oh, um, the mushrooms are not edible, just FYI.
03:23Oh.
03:23Oh.
03:28It's pretty murdery.
03:29And mushroomy.
03:30Yeah.
03:31It's the only thing in our price range.
03:35We can make it work.
03:36Hmm.
03:36We can do it.
03:37Hmm.
03:37Because the main thing is that it's you and me together.
03:40No one else.
03:43And it comes with three houseplants.
03:44Three houseplants.
03:45Oh, hey.
03:46Can I get the broker?
03:47No, no.
03:48Hello, this is Kate.
03:49Hi, Kate.
03:50I'm the executor currently handling the estate of your great uncle Alfred.
03:55Great uncle who?
03:56Hmm?
03:56As his next of kin, the good news is that you've inherited a rather large property.
04:01The bad news is that it's a million miles from anywhere.
04:05Okay, a couple days tops, yeah?
04:07Because I really have to be back at work first thing Monday.
04:10Oh, same.
04:11We'll just check out my inheritance and we'll see what we're dealing with.
04:13Mm-hmm.
04:15Oh, my.
04:16It's huge.
04:19What?
04:23What is this place?
04:26Kate, this is crazy.
04:29What's the catch?
04:30I mean, there's got to be a catch.
04:31Oi, boss.
04:33Just say shotgun.
04:34What?
04:35Just say shotgun.
04:36Shotgun.
04:37Ha!
04:37Suck it, moosh.
04:38Boss called shotgun.
04:39Find another room.
04:40I can stay frozen in place for years.
04:42You've never worn a corset.
04:43Your joints have never been crystallized with gout.
04:46Two breathers just pulled up in a shady carriage.
04:49Are you sure you're the only living relative?
04:52That's what they said.
04:53What?
04:55Look at this place.
04:56It's incredible.
04:57Hey, um, for the record, I fell in love with you way before I found out you're from old money.
05:04I smell invasion.
05:05Aye, that would be yourself.
05:19Ha!
05:22Ha, ha, ha!
05:24Are you serious?
05:31Okay.
05:32No way.
05:33Oh.
05:35That's a lot of stuff.
05:37A lot of stuff.
05:38A lot of stuff.
05:39On the upside, no mushrooms.
05:41That we can see.
05:51Okay.
05:51I'm going to take a stab here.
05:53Great Uncle Alfred didn't get out much.
05:54Alfred, not Alan.
05:56This house must have a crazy history.
05:59Any reception?
06:01Ah, no bars.
06:03There was a bar at once, but some hoity-toity family had notions and got rid of it.
06:07Yes, well, when you have an education, you don't need to be sloshed to get through each and every day.
06:11Okay.
06:12Go.
06:12Oh, no.
06:13Oh, no.
06:14Come on, you might watch pictures.
06:16Oh, can we not do that?
06:17It's actually kind of relaxing being 300 Ks away.
06:19Am I terrible?
06:20I mean, yes, but you're allowed to be terrible now because you're an heiress.
06:25Heiress?
06:26I'm basically Paris Hilton.
06:27She's certainly not from Paris.
06:28I stayed at a Hilton once.
06:29Well, I'm mostly in the cupboard hiding from my boyfriend's wife.
06:32What is the meaning of this?
06:34Free house dance.
06:37Stop that right now!
06:39Not in my house!
06:41My ears!
06:42My eyes!
06:43My people!
06:49All right, let's pick a bedroom.
06:51Yeah.
06:51Should be easy.
06:52There's only, like, 50 to choose from.
06:56Yeah.
06:57Yeah.
06:58I'm calling it.
06:59This bedroom has the least haunted housework.
07:01Get out, you interlopers!
07:03I reckon that's giving honeymoon, sweet.
07:05Honeymoon?
07:06I don't see a ring.
07:07Trollope!
07:08She may have taken a lanky lover, but she will not take this bed.
07:11You all right, boss?
07:15Been a while since you've been through.
07:16It's like dysentery with a side of a saddle saw.
07:18Where'd she get you?
07:19Everywhere.
07:20No, I respect walk with three.
07:21You want that?
07:22Oh, I think the power's out up here.
07:23Can you check the fuse box?
07:25Fuse box?
07:26Yeah, yeah.
07:27Thanks, babe.
07:28Where to find fuse box?
07:31Check your garage for the circuit breaker or fuse box.
07:35It might also be in the storage room, utility room, basement or hallway.
07:39No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:00As I say, I'm using my little eyes, something beginning with bee.
08:04What's a bee?
08:05We're a literate, mate.
08:07Could we do colours instead?
08:08Well, I'm colour blind.
08:09I'm mostly blind.
08:11Oh, I can sing.
08:12Oh!
08:12Sing a bee.
08:13Hey!
08:18Hey!
08:18hey hey yeah so the fuse box is pretty bust today might have to call a professional good
08:35for nothing blabbermouth reminds me of me husband do you know if spiders can lay eggs in hair
08:39honestly looks fine yeah can you believe you're actually gonna buy that little stink hole yeah
08:43now we get to sell this big stink hole and buy a less stinky hole in the city wait they're selling
08:47i mean it's not really a stink hole sean i mean look at it i reckon it was probably a guest house
08:50back in the day i myself i run it single-handed not that you'll hear me complaining i always hear
08:56you complaining that'd be fun right like running a little guest house back breaking labor so it was
09:01meeting people from all over leaning up there shite crazy but i think you're taking this
09:05paris hilton thing a bit far i don't know if you did a chuck out and patch a few cracks i reckon this
09:09place could be a thing yeah i think that we sell she's wanting to stay for good egypt just hasn't
09:13tweaked it sure as a house for two people a bit extra but as a hotel and hotel never-ending
09:20hordes of breathers infesting our eternal quarters no the invaders cannot be tolerated we haunt them
09:27out how goes the drills i need your powers at full strength sorry boss i'm pretty rusty i try harder
09:35man as you motorized bicyclists say it's time to defend your lawn yeah it's turf but you know i'll get it
09:41done don't worry lindy yes you see what you can achieve when you're not just flailing about william
09:47nilliam do we have to chase them out they're in love and not to be selfish but i'm kind of into
09:52hotels that's where single men go to dive sadness you'll experience sadness when hotel guests are
09:57thrumming you day and night don't be listening to that wig wearing nanny moggins he's just wanting
10:02them out to the big petrol june have you ascertained your supernatural power yet
10:07i'll take that as a no miranda now you'll do your little thing to lower the temperature of the
10:16we've only been training for five minutes woman training is for racehorses and servants gideon
10:22wake me for the hauntings if you play
10:24come on
10:28yes yes yes that's the kind of supernatural rage we need
10:40we strike at midnight
10:43we strike at midnight
11:13oh sterling workman she's mildly rattled i know i'm knackered from that i feel like i just go
11:28back from mad monday good night veranda freeze the room with your cold dead heart
11:33lindy what keeps you when i was seven i caught up stacy hempel's tap shoes right before the
11:47foster's lager talent show and karmically this does the same people don't need to worry about
11:51karma you should be more worried about disappointing your social bettors
11:54come on sean sean sean did you fix the fuse box here
12:04keep going
12:05oh it's freezing but it's so nice and quiet
12:35so
12:47so
12:53so
12:59With every breath, she grows more attached to my land.
13:23Come on, Eileen, a bit of property.
13:25I was here first.
13:26He's the one who got his jeggy toxic.
13:28Hey.
13:29Hey.
13:29Hey, um, so, I've been thinking, um, what if we stayed here, like, permanently?
13:37What? What?
13:38I'm not going to say I told you so.
13:39That's good, thank you.
13:40I told you so.
13:40Okay.
13:41I thought you were joking.
13:42You were joking, right?
13:43No, does it sound like I'm joking?
13:44Talking back.
13:45Men do not love that.
13:47Your mum is in the city.
13:48Our mates are in the city.
13:49The last time I floated remote work with Rahim, he got a nosebleed both nostrils.
13:53Yeah, well, you know what?
13:54I'm actually just really over it.
13:55I'm sick of working 16-hour days in a firm full of old men who see me
13:58as a diversity hire-up, someone to grow put work drinks.
14:01But I take it as a compliment.
14:03You know Brad the Douche got a promotion, and I got asked to do a welcome to country for
14:06his new client.
14:07I don't want to do it anymore.
14:08Kate, the answer is surely just to quit your job, not to move to the middle of nowhere.
14:13Try being shipwrecked off the coast of our demon's land using your cousin's corpse as
14:17a life raft.
14:19Well, like, what if it was?
14:20What?
14:20You know?
14:20Like, what if we just, like, started a hotel together?
14:23A hotel?
14:24Well, you don't want to, like, run a little boutique hotel with me?
14:27Kate, you know nothing about hotels.
14:29I know nothing about hotels.
14:30It'll be fun.
14:30This house is a wreck.
14:32It's literally falling apart.
14:33There is mould on every single surface.
14:35I'm doing all I can.
14:36It's an escape room.
14:37You love escape rooms.
14:40Kate, that was a really bad example.
14:41It's a house of horrors.
14:43The plumbing was literally screaming at me.
14:45There's no electricity.
14:46Sean, there is definitely electricity.
14:47You just need to go fix the fuse box.
14:48What fuse box?
14:49I walked all around this creepy old spider-infested house and I couldn't find it.
14:54Maybe this house doesn't have a fuse box.
14:56It was built in, what, like, 372 BC?
14:59Maybe it doesn't have one.
15:02Sean.
15:03Worst shower ever.
15:05Okay, that seemed bad, but when they make up, there's a lot of tension to unpack in
15:08the bedroom.
15:11I spy with my little eye something the colour of a woman.
15:28This game's getting pretty abstract.
15:30Oh, well, we got here then.
15:32She's new.
15:33She's pretty.
15:34Oh, my God.
15:48She's vulnerable.
15:49We'll never have a better chance to strike.
15:52Oh, well, it feels like a bit of a dog act, don't you reckon, boss?
15:56Dogs don't act.
15:57They follow orders.
15:58Now, be a good boy and do as I say.
15:59Oi, Governor, why don't you leave the young lady alone?
16:02Oh, that's a good idea.
16:03Thanks, sir.
16:04Why don't you shut up?
16:04Yeah, shut up!
16:05Shame out!
16:06Oh, sorry.
16:06It won't happen again.
16:08Convicts.
16:12Hey, boss, you know when the old bloke carked it, did you feel like not, um, good?
16:19What?
16:20Of course not.
16:21We English suppress everything, including emotions.
16:23You're dead inside from all the violence and depravity of your legal profession.
16:27That's what makes you the perfect subordinate.
16:29I've been called a lot of things in my time, but never have I been called perfect.
16:36Now, stop asking existential questions and attack!
16:39Yes, boss.
16:45Just a little push.
16:48Bit more push.
16:51Much bigger push.
16:53Push that!
17:01She's died.
17:03One of us.
17:04What was that?
17:06You good, babe?
17:07Kate?
17:07Kate!
17:10No, no, no, don't move.
17:11Don't move, don't move.
17:12Calling the ambulance, please.
17:13Don't move.
17:14It's not possible.
17:15I've got you.
17:17Ambulance.
17:19Hi, my girlfriend's had a fall and, um...
17:21Hey, hey, Kate.
17:23Oh, jeez.
17:24I think she's hit her head.
17:25Stay with me.
17:26Stay with me.
17:26Kate!
17:27Mm.
17:28Will that pansy ever stop wailing?
17:37Your wife's dead.
17:40Get over it.
17:41You'll find another woman.
17:42Sorry, mate.
17:56What's with a whinge in your great leaky boat?
17:59I didn't mean to kill her.
18:01Oh, well...
18:03She might not be dead.
18:06She might just be a potato, like my cousin Patrick after he fell down the well.
18:10Oh!
18:11What's got into you?
18:12I thought you were after memeing dozens of people.
18:15Oh, yeah.
18:16Heaps.
18:17But, you know...
18:18Only if they deserved it.
18:20You know, like if one of the boys ran this out to the cops or smiled in a group photo or something.
18:24But she didn't do anything.
18:27I was just following orders and doing what Gideon said.
18:31You're always doing what Gideon says.
18:34May as well have his leaky teat in your mouth, sucking on his mother's milk.
18:38What?
18:38Look, son.
18:39Life is hard.
18:41Death is hard, too.
18:42It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
18:54You've just got to suck it up and keep going.
18:58And going and going and going and going and going.
19:02Look, now.
19:03If you must cry, then do it quietly.
19:07Like a woman.
19:08Is that what...
19:10Like that.
19:23Here, have a go at it yourself.
19:27I reckon I'm alright now.
19:28Where'd you are, son?
19:31Hey, so I reckon maybe no one needs to hear about this.
19:35Ever.
19:37She's...
19:40Oh, hey, hey.
19:56Hey, you're awake.
19:58Hey.
19:59How long have I been here?
20:00Three days.
20:01You had a bonk on your head.
20:02And you've been in and out, but the doctors say you're going to be fine.
20:06How are you feeling?
20:08Were you just trying to brush my teeth?
20:10Yeah, well, your breath was getting a little stinky.
20:12And I know how much you prioritise dental hygiene.
20:18Kate.
20:18I am so...
20:20So sorry.
20:22I...
20:22I should have just sorted that stupid fuse box.
20:25No, no, no, no, no, no, it's not your fault.
20:27I can't just expect you to become a country bumpkin on a whim.
20:30You love co-working spaces and bike lanes and specialty coffee.
20:37I don't want to take that away from you.
20:42Okay.
20:42I just had the scariest 72 hours of my life to realise that I love you way more than any
20:50of those excellent things.
20:53I love that you have these big ideas and you actually act on them, and that is rare.
20:57So, if you want us to become country bumpkins and run a hotel, I'm in.
21:05Really?
21:07Mm-hmm.
21:08I say, quit your job and let's do it.
21:10Sure.
21:12Oh, no.
21:27Ride to your manor, Miss Hilton.
21:29I can't believe I missed the make-up scene.
21:31This is just like when I forgot to tape Scott and Charlene's wedding on Neighbours,
21:34and now I just have to imagine it forever.
21:36Yeah, okay, great. Thank you so much. That is amazing.
21:47Oh, hey, mate. If you're looking for the fuse box, it's back there in the workshop.
21:52Sean, where you at?
21:54In the library.
21:59Oh, balls. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
22:03Oh, she can see me! The brazen can see me!
22:06That electrician's a bit sketchy. Where'd you find it? The dark web?
22:09Oh, hey, Kate, I was wondering, can this be my home office?
22:12Because that there, as a Zoom background? Sick.
22:16Well, yes, you can, because the bank just approved our business loan,
22:19and we are now entrepreneurs with a butt-ton of debt, baby!
22:22Yes, adulting!
22:24Am I crazy to want this?
22:25No, but only because it's not cool to call a woman crazy.
22:28I reckon we can do this. You can do this.
22:30You're right, she can see us. She's looking at me.
22:33Could just be a lazy, eh?
22:34Oh, no, she's terrified.
22:37Don't be scared.
22:39Sean, I'm looking for my gold.
22:42Have you seen a gold medal?
22:44Young lady, I regret to inform your bedroom is already taken!
22:48Ugh!
22:48What is it?
22:49Welcome!
22:49IGJK!
22:51Hey!
22:51We're going to be here to beène!
22:53host,
22:55Hey!
22:56Hey!
22:57Hey!
22:58Hey!
22:59Fearn!
23:01Hey!
23:02We'll come here!
23:03Hey!
23:03Hey!
23:04Hey!
23:04Hey!
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