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FunTranscript
00:00A plane has crashed into the World Trade Center.
00:16The building was there, and it was right in front of my face, and it exploded.
00:20There was a cascade of sparks and fire, and now it looks almost like a mushroom cloud.
00:26I can still hear people screaming, oh my god, oh my god, but I don't remember actually taking those photos.
00:33US President George W. Bush says it appears to be an act of terrorism and has vowed an all-out hunt for those responsible.
00:40When those towers got hit, I was suddenly all about retribution, which I never thought I had capacity for.
00:47I wanted an eye for an eye.
00:56I arrived in New York at the end of 1998, and I remember seeing the World Trade Towers for the first time.
01:09I mean, they were jaw-dropping, they were awe-inspiring, and that's where I was working.
01:15So, the World Trade Center, Tower One, was 110 stories high.
01:19My husband Craig worked on the 94th floor.
01:22My dad worked on the 91st floor of the South Tower.
01:26He had come over from Australia, and he began his career, like, in the big smoke, he always called it.
01:31I essentially had a desk which was very close to the windows looking north.
01:37I mean, it was a jaw-dropping view.
01:40We have this thing in the States, bring your daughter to work day, and you, like, go in the elevator.
01:45It, like, goes up forever and ever and ever. It was very high up.
01:50So, in 2001, I was the US Bureau Chief for Network 10.
01:55I was essentially an economist for one of Australia's largest superannuation companies,
02:01and they thought it'd be a good idea to send me to New York to this economics conference.
02:06I was with the cameraman, Paul Atkinson, and we were in Manhattan,
02:09and we had just spent 10 days covering the US Open with Leighton Hewitt.
02:15I'd never been to New York before. I went to the Met. I went on the Staten Island Ferry.
02:19I stayed at the Marriott Hotel, right in between the Twin Towers. Right in between.
02:24The cameraman that I was working with, it had never been to New York.
02:28So, the evening of September 10, I said,
02:30mate, what I want you to do is I want you to wake up,
02:33go down to the World Trade Center, and go up to the roof,
02:37and just orient yourself and see New York.
02:40But make sure you get there early when it opens.
02:47I was living in Tribeca, about eight blocks away from the World Trade Center.
02:50And so, yeah, that morning I remember just being very ordinary.
02:53I just remember it being a lovely day. It was a beautiful fall day.
02:56I had just turned 35, and Craig had given me Daisy, and she was so playful.
03:02Craig was absolutely mad about her.
03:04So, I got up early in the morning and took Craig in a cup of coffee.
03:08I'm in the conference, yeah.
03:09And the conference was in their ballroom at the bottom of the North Tower.
03:13I said, OK, well, I'm going to take Daisy out for another walk.
03:16Call me later, babe. Love you.
03:17And I just walked out the door.
03:25It was, I was in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth.
03:28And there was a noise, the noise of the plane went roaring right over the head.
03:33I remember actually cringed. I ducked. And it was so loud.
03:36And it was a really familiar noise. It was a noise when, if you travel a lot, a jet,
03:40when they were gunning the engines, that was a noise.
03:43There's no other way to explain it. I was actually looking out the window.
03:49The building in front of me exploded.
03:52Right in front of my face.
03:53And the chandeliers start shaking.
03:55The floor starts shaking, and people are screaming.
03:58I wasn't immediately thinking, oh, a plane just crashed.
04:00This is Manhattan. That doesn't happen, you know.
04:02I thought, oh, I wonder what the fuss is. Like, come on.
04:04And there were a lot of big loud noises in Manhattan. It's just a noisy place.
04:08I just remember thinking, I reckon a pipe's exploded.
04:11A pretty big pipe, but that was the best I could come up with.
04:15I wasn't overly concerned. There was no smoke. There was no fire.
04:19There didn't seem to be any immediate danger.
04:22No-one knew what happened.
04:23Your brain can't process these things at quarter to nine on a Tuesday morning.
04:28I want to go live right now and show you a picture of the World Trade Center,
04:33where I understand... Do we have it?
04:35Yes.
04:36No, we do not.
04:38We have a breaking story, though. We're going to come back with that in just a moment.
04:41First, this is today on NBC.
04:44I moved to New York January 2000.
04:46I was working as a bike messenger, where there's not really much future in that career.
04:51You don't make much money. It's very dangerous. Everyone hates you.
04:54It's very fun, yeah.
04:56I was living with my girlfriend at the time, and her mum had called the landline in the apartment,
05:01and woke me up.
05:02And I remember Rose saying,
05:04Hey, Michael, do you know what's going on today?
05:06So, in math class, there were some rumblings out in the hallway that something had happened.
05:10The teacher, like, left the room for a minute, I remember.
05:13And there was just something in the air that, like, something is going on.
05:16The door's banging, and my husband is at the door.
05:19And I opened the door, and he fell in front of me and said,
05:22A plane, a plane. It hit the building.
05:24I'm like, what are you talking about, a building?
05:26And he said, a plane. I just saw it. It hit the trade center.
05:29And, uh, so we went to the top of the building, six-story building.
05:32You can see the World Trade Center. It's like, this much of a view.
05:37The smoke is just filling the sky.
05:40All of a sudden, over the loudspeaker, I got called down to the office.
05:44The woman at the front desk just said, your mom's on the phone.
05:46We went out just down the stairs, and there was a giant gash in the top of the building,
05:53but it was the shape of an airplane.
05:54It was like the Tom and Jerry cartoons when you go to the wall, it's the shape of a cat.
05:58It was the shape of an airplane.
06:03And so I picked up the phone, and my mom said, everything's fine.
06:06I talked to your dad, like, something's happened in the city,
06:09and I just want you to come home right now.
06:12I can't say she sounded calm. She was a bit frantic,
06:14but I feel like that's kind of her personality, like, everything is a disaster.
06:18But I kind of took it with a grain of salt, like, everything's probably fine.
06:22I thought I'd go upstairs and get my bags packed.
06:25They wouldn't allow me to do that because the alarms were sounding.
06:29But as we're standing there, a woman comes into the foyer, and she's on fire.
06:38And she wasn't the only one.
06:40People who were outside the hotel and outside Tower One got doused in jet fumes and were incinerated.
06:49And we have a breaking news story to tell you about.
06:52Apparently, a plane has just crashed into the World Trade Center.
06:55We have very little information available.
06:58The first thing you do when you're on assignment, when you wake up,
07:00is you put the TV on to see the morning news.
07:03I turned the news on, having some Vegema on a bagel, as you do when you're in New York.
07:08And then just something made me look at the TV.
07:11And I saw that there was a plane in the side of her building, and I thought, what?
07:17So I turned the news up, and then I thought, I think this is real.
07:23There's been a really horrific accident.
07:25And then I realised very quickly what was going on, and I thought, oh, my God.
07:29I told Paul to go to the World Trade Center.
07:32So, obviously, I rang his room, and it didn't answer.
07:35I called his office number, and there was no response.
07:38So then I tried to call his cell.
07:40That didn't answer, and I just thought, oh, my God, I've done something really bad.
07:44So I just left a message to say, look, something bad's really happened to your building.
07:48You need to get out of there, find somewhere safe.
07:51When you're safe, call me.
07:52So I ran next door and banged on his door.
07:55Took a while, but he came to the door, and he's like, yeah, what?
07:59So he decided to sleep in.
08:01I'm really pleased he ignored me.
08:04So then I thought, well, I can't reach him by a cell.
08:07I'll run over there.
08:09My mentality was, bike messengers, we get in everywhere.
08:12Always know the back door to places.
08:14I was thinking, I'm going to go in there and check it out.
08:16I'm going to get inside those buildings.
08:17And I said, get dressed, meet me outside, bring the gear.
08:20We couldn't see anything.
08:24We still didn't know what was going on.
08:26I mean, why is a lady on fire in a hotel?
08:30I think that I was almost in a bit of a trance, actually.
08:34The noise around you was not quite getting through to you.
08:38And that's when there was this message that came over the intercom saying,
08:44I can't remember the exact word, something, you know, don't panic, whatever it said.
08:49That clicked me into gear.
08:51And I thought, you know what?
08:52I'm 92 floors in the air.
08:54I want my feet on the ground.
08:55They assessed that we couldn't go out the main doors.
08:57Things were coming down.
08:59It was not safe to go out then.
09:01We had to go out the far end.
09:03I started going down the stairs.
09:05So I had 92 floors to get down.
09:08I'm standing at the exit and yesterday there were cars, taxis, people honking horns.
09:14And I'm standing at the door looking out.
09:18And I can see cars on fire.
09:20I can see rubble in the road.
09:22And the air is just filled with burning paper.
09:26And then they say, do not look up.
09:28Put your hands over your head and run across the road.
09:32Get away to safety.
09:37I got a third away along the Brooklyn Bridge.
09:40And then I was grabbed by two women who were fleeing from downtown.
09:45They held onto me and they said, you can't go over there.
09:48And I said, well, my husband's over in that building.
09:50And I need to get over there.
09:52And they said, we can't let you go.
09:59The phone started ringing.
10:01A friend called up and said, did you see that?
10:03So we turned the television on.
10:05And as I was on the phone, the second plane hit.
10:08And it banked and just exploded into the South Tower.
10:17I felt like King Kong picked up the building and shook it.
10:20That's the only way that I could.
10:22I was thrown forward.
10:23I caught myself.
10:24And then it was honestly being like in the surf getting thrown around
10:29with this overwhelming sense that this whole building is going to fall down
10:32because a building can't shake like this and not come down.
10:35It's just shattered as concrete and flames and smoke
10:39and everybody's screaming again.
10:41It looked like a special effect.
10:43It was as if you were watching a movie, but knowing it was real.
10:46It was the opposite of watching a movie and knowing it was not real.
10:49We were seeing something real and it seemed fake to you.
10:52I'm standing there looking at the building and I see a lady blown out of the window
10:58and cartwheels across my eye line and smashes to it if I can see her today.
11:03Mid 40s, blue grey pants suit, dark hair, rag doll.
11:08That's when people started sort of pouring into the stairs after that, right?
11:13So I remember thinking, I'm still higher than what I used to work in Sydney.
11:16So I was around the 40th floor and you couldn't move because there were so many people.
11:20Some bloke turned around to me and said, really lucky this isn't a real emergency.
11:25Because no one knew, right?
11:27But look, those stairs were never ending and just terrible.
11:35It was at that point that I decided I got to get out of here.
11:38So there were hordes of people coming towards us, hordes of them.
11:41It was terrifying to see people coming across the bridge, running, you know, just to get away.
11:51To be quite honest, I do not remember the walk from the towers to the Staten Island ferry.
11:56It's just a blur.
11:58So we got to the street and we were milling about.
12:00We noticed that there were people in front of us were going, hush, shush, shush, shush.
12:04And there was some teachers leading a group of school children away from the site.
12:09There was a school at the bottom of the Trade Centre and they were singing the song.
12:14And as they walked past, we were all kind of like, ah, clapped and like, you know,
12:17trying to make them feel happy as they walked past us.
12:19But yeah, it was an effort of the whole crowd not to panic the kids.
12:26It stuck with me. It did.
12:28The ultimate outcome clearly was that I got to the bottom.
12:33Finally exiting these stairs and running up the other way were all the fireys.
12:39They were knocking themselves over to get into that building, right?
12:42And I've got to tell you, every single, not one of those brave guys that went the other way,
12:48they didn't, they didn't live to tell that.
12:50That morning, that morning I was, ah, very tired.
12:54I had, I was, got, got home late and I was sleeping.
12:57I was awakened by the family and they had told me that, ah, the building was hit by a plane.
13:03So I knew that I was, I would have to go.
13:06I was a firefighter in a special unit in South Bronx.
13:10So we were always training for something big.
13:13Actually, I was on vacation.
13:15So, um, when I responded, technically the city owes me money.
13:19I'm only kidding.
13:21How are we going to get there? That was all I was worried about.
13:24This is not something that you can get a press release on and regurgitate it.
13:28You've got to live it. You've got to live the story.
13:31I was stopped at the midtown tunnel. It was closed at that time.
13:34They would not let any, ah, civilian cars to go by.
13:37So they just jumped on a fire truck as they went by.
13:41On the way down there, so I used to carry a disposable camera.
13:44I think there's 24 photos in there.
13:46And there was only three left.
13:48So I thought I'd stop into a little corner deli, pick one up.
13:51Just chaos in there, just people running around.
13:53No one's serving me. They're on the counter.
13:55I just took one, went on my way.
13:58Sorry.
13:59And, ah, I made it all the way around to the south side
14:02and I took a couple of photos.
14:05So as we were heading down to the scene, I did call Sandra Sully,
14:09who was, ah, on the desk and they were going live.
14:12We had Michelle Stone, TENS correspondent,
14:14on the streets of New York at the moment.
14:16Michelle, describe the chaos if you can.
14:18Well, Sandra, you can probably hear it in the background.
14:21The streets have come to a standstill.
14:24But after that we lost contact because we had no mobile reception.
14:30And I remember being on the bridge and seeing things falling.
14:34And I can see these black things coming off the building.
14:37And I thought, what the hell is that?
14:40And it was actually people.
14:42I found out that people were taking their own lives.
14:44So many of them.
14:46It seemed like every 30 seconds there'd be people falling down
14:50and some people were holding hands.
14:52And it was just so hopeless.
14:54That was their only option, you know?
14:57I said to Paul, stop filming.
14:59Well, it is a grotesque sight to look at
15:03from about 30 blocks away from where we are.
15:06For those of you just joining us,
15:08let's just briefly recap what we know.
15:11Air travel in this country has come to a halt this morning
15:16as clearly people are trying to figure out what exactly is going on.
15:21OK, so when I got home, the news was on.
15:24And so this was the first time I'd seen the TV.
15:26And I don't know if that was the best place for me to be in front of the TV.
15:31But nonetheless, like, that's what happened.
15:33I'm glued to the TV, waiting for any sort of news.
15:37And it's just constant people replaying the planes going into the towers.
15:42Just, like, over and over and over again.
15:44I was just numb.
15:45Like, I didn't cry.
15:46Like, I was just in shock.
15:48As bad as it was, if I caught a glimpse of him on TV or something,
15:52then at least I would know that he was going to be OK.
15:55So that's why I was glued to the TV.
15:57I was trying to find him in the crowd.
15:59When you're 13 years old, like, you just want to, like, feel safe
16:02and know that, like, adults, like, have everything under control
16:04and, like, know what's going on.
16:06And nobody did.
16:16I thought by the time I got down to the Staten Island ferry
16:19that things were good.
16:21But it's while I'm in the ferry terminal that things change again.
16:25I think I'm going to die.
16:26We respond, we go into the city,
16:29and there we actually saw the first building come down.
16:33All of a sudden, there are explosions, one after the other.
16:42I'd put a few blocks between me and it by then.
16:45But I, just the screaming, I saw it all happen.
16:49These were explosions that were happening a kilometre away,
16:52but the entire building was shaking.
16:55And then just the plume of dust just rising up into the sky.
17:07This surely is the darkest day in the history of terrorism in America.
17:11It was massive, barrelling down this canyon of a road that we were in,
17:18filling the entire space.
17:23Andy!
17:24It's one evil black mess,
17:26coming straight at the people who were on the outside.
17:28And we had maybe three seconds to think about what to do.
17:32You know, what's in it?
17:33Asbestos?
17:34Other stuff?
17:35They're screaming.
17:36I mean, it was horrid.
17:37As we got closer to it,
17:39the amount of people that were coming up,
17:40running from all directions.
17:43There are people everywhere.
17:44There's millions of people on the streets.
17:46The majority going that way.
17:48Get me out of here.
17:49There were people flooding down to have a look.
17:51For me, I was actually trying to control my breathing
17:53because now I am actually running down,
17:55running into the cloud.
17:57And I saw out of the corner of my eye,
17:59this roller door coming down.
18:00And I screamed at Paul.
18:01I just told him, leave the gear.
18:03And I ran and dived under this roller door
18:06when there was probably about that much left to go.
18:08And I think Paul went under a car.
18:12Yeah.
18:13And then it was, it felt like forever.
18:15Sorry.
18:19Yeah.
18:20I was just worried about him.
18:28Well, after I came out of the garage,
18:31we got back together.
18:32And I just said, okay, let's go.
18:34So we kept working.
18:36Did the only thing that felt appropriate
18:38in the circumstances and found a bar
18:40that was still open in Greenwich Village
18:41and went and had a pint.
18:44That's when I saw it on the television.
18:46I almost felt physically sick seeing it.
18:48I didn't realise the magnitude of it.
18:52I don't remember the first building falling.
18:55I remember the second one that fell,
18:56which is building number one.
18:57That was the one that had the big antenna.
18:59I saw the antenna kind of just twist a bit.
19:00And I was like, oh, no.
19:01I heard something, like crackling.
19:02I look up and this thing is coming down.
19:05Everyone did the same thing.
19:06They all started screaming, no, no, no, no.
19:07And they were holding their hands up,
19:08you know, as if trying to hold the building.
19:09So I was taking photos,
19:10photo, wine, photo, wine, photo, wine.
19:27This smoke was coming up.
19:28Where was I?
19:30I thought it was something like cracking.
19:31And I was like, make sure,
19:32I saw the antenna kind of just twist a bit.
19:34Smoke was coming up the street.
19:35I get my bike and I took two photos behind my head like this.
19:38You notice the ones are off centre there.
19:42If you didn't get out there, you're dead.
19:44I remember just having this intense pain in my chest.
19:47I thought for, you know, a split second, he's gone, he's gone.
19:53And then I thought, no, I'm not allowing myself to think that way.
19:58Hang on to hope.
19:59He'll be all right.
20:01He'll be fine.
20:04It's hard to explain.
20:07As a news photographer, you don't ever hope for anything like that to happen.
20:13But if and when it does happen, you hope you're there to cover it.
20:19You spend your whole life perfecting your craft to cover the biggest job.
20:23And this was the biggest job of my career.
20:26One thing that people don't realise down there, it's like, there was no
20:33colour.
20:34It was black and white.
20:36It wiped all the colour out of everything.
20:39The dust was just like a layer of snow and it was on everything.
20:44There's a lot of smoke still.
20:46There's stuff still burning.
20:48The ground's burning.
20:49Oh my God.
20:50I must have breathed in every carcinogen known to man that day.
20:52On my forearms, I could feel like a slight burning on my forearms.
20:57And in my mouth, there was like a little bit of blood in it.
21:01We had just survived the second collapse.
21:02So there's nothing else coming down.
21:04So now it's recovery.
21:05We've got to start making searches.
21:11I still can never forget the sounds of the little alarms that firefighters wear.
21:17They go off if they haven't moved for a certain amount of time.
21:21And it's a beeping noise.
21:22I could hear them going everywhere.
21:25Just that beeping.
21:26I'll never forget the beeping.
21:28Knowing that wherever it's coming from, there was somebody down, somebody in trouble.
21:33I focused on getting interviews with people.
21:36There were crying firemen and police officers.
21:40Like they were weeping.
21:41It was pretty bad.
21:42The firemen who went down there that day, you know, many of them, you know, lost their lives.
21:48I looked up and saw a fire truck with like the crane on the back, the bucket.
21:55And it was stretched up.
21:57And I thought they've found somebody.
21:59We covered him, took him out.
22:02I opened his coat up, realized it was my own guy.
22:06And the photo I took of that firefighter doing it, the anguish on his face.
22:12I'll never forget like how upset he looked.
22:16I was a mess.
22:17I was bleeding out of my mouth.
22:18My hand wouldn't stop shaking.
22:20Yeah, I don't remember too much more.
22:22Just wasn't a good day.
22:25I think that's why his face looked like that.
22:30Because there were so many still under that rubble.
22:33And the chances of them surviving were pretty low.
22:36I think you either were lightly damaged or you didn't make it out.
22:43The thing you need to keep in mind is that I've got a family who's watching this live on television.
22:50My wife is watching me essentially being murdered at the bottom of the Twin Towers.
22:56She doesn't know.
22:57Nobody can get in touch with anybody and people couldn't call out out of the city.
23:01The landlines went down for a while, the mobiles went down for a while.
23:04Because there was so much chaos, so much pandemonium.
23:06It was hours, but it's the phone call you want to make.
23:10Hi, sweetheart.
23:11It's me.
23:12I'm safe.
23:13I'm safe.
23:14Being a bit of an optimist, I was always hopeful that he would survive this and he would come home.
23:20I think there was this moment where somebody saw somebody walking around disoriented in Hoboken
23:26and they thought my dad hit his head and he was confused.
23:29Maybe he was knocked unconscious.
23:31Maybe he left the building so quickly that he didn't take his ID with him.
23:35We were just holding out hope that like, oh yeah, like he would obviously come back.
23:39Like he would walk through the door.
23:41So as the afternoon went on, it got quieter and quieter, strangely.
23:46And so I looked outside and there was just this big absence in the sky.
23:52It's the whole skyline had changed.
23:54Yeah.
23:55The whole neighbourhood had changed.
23:57Didn't look like where we lived anymore.
24:00The day after the horrific attacks, smoke still swirls above the New York skyline.
24:10Everyone knew somebody who was missing.
24:12No matter who you talked to, because so many people worked there at the World Trade Center.
24:17The people began posting up pictures of their loved ones missing.
24:20And there were hundreds of them, like hundreds of them, like people's faces.
24:23There was pictures of missing people going up all over Manhattan and I'd be standing at a crossing
24:29and you'd see someone looking at you who used to be on your floor at work.
24:33And months and months afterwards, those were the faces of people on the street.
24:37They never came back.
24:39But I wasn't going to give up hope.
24:41My job is to find him and bring him home.
24:44Because there was no way I was going to phone his mum and tell her that I hadn't found him.
24:49My mum on Wednesday, September 12th, she had to file a missing persons report because my dad wasn't home.
24:56When we were waiting to register him as missing, it started to ripple through the line, the hysteria.
25:03I know that I had one moment where I broke down and was kind of like inconsolable.
25:08A woman who was standing a couple of feet away from me, she was sobbing and it was loud.
25:14And I could just feel myself starting to unravel a little bit.
25:18Something happened to me that day.
25:20Whatever bit of like innocence that I had left was gone after that.
25:26I found out that the plane went through Tower One from the 93rd floor up through to, I think it was about 96.
25:35The chances of him surviving was negligible.
25:39It was like seven, eight months I worked down there in the recovery, recovering anything.
25:48You know, at that point, bodies and also DNA.
25:52Anything we can get, you know, we hand over.
25:55We weren't able to have a funeral because there was nothing to bury.
25:59We had a memorial planned for him.
26:02So the night before, a police officer shows up at our door and they tell us that they found my dad's body the night before.
26:11We were invited to go down and I was presented with an urn which contained soil from the World Trade Center site.
26:20We had like a viewing time for just the family in the funeral home before we went to the church.
26:25And not to get too morbid, but you could still smell like a decaying body.
26:30Like you could smell it if you were standing next to it.
26:33And I'm 13.
26:35It was a lovely gesture, but yeah, just felt very overwhelmed and, you know, it sort of felt very final.
26:43But yeah, to this day, Craig has not been formally identified.
26:47Well, it was just under 3,000 people died directly.
26:52Everyone I worked with was on my floor who were there that morning.
26:56There was very, very few of us who managed to get out.
27:00But how many people died from smoke and dust inhalation, we don't know.
27:07And also a lot of other firefighters died in the next 10 years with cancers.
27:12It's almost guaranteed that every three weeks we have some kind of funeral.
27:17It's been like that for the past 24 years.
27:19And it's, uh, it's ongoing.
27:21Everybody thinks of 9-11 as like one trauma.
27:31For me, it was like many, many, many re-traumatizations over time.
27:38You know, it's like I'll be in my car listening to the radio and there's a 9-11 reference.
27:42It just takes me by surprise.
27:43Like my stomach's in my throat all of a sudden.
27:46Like, oh, there it is.
27:47I can't watch movies or documentaries or any reporting about September 11 event.
27:53Because I just don't want to see it anymore.
27:5625 years later.
27:58The only people I ever actually talked to about this that day.
28:01You know, I don't talk to anybody about this.
28:03I disengaged with that discussion.
28:06Because everyone has their own kind of like, everyone wants to own it for a different reason.
28:09Everybody remembers what they were doing at that exact moment in time.
28:13But I don't care, you know, that you were eating Wheaties or whatever you were doing.
28:17Because my dad was dying.
28:19If one person had died, there's a friend of yours, it takes a lot of getting over.
28:25You just can't process grief or loss on that scale.
28:29You don't see people blown out of windows every day.
28:32You don't see people burning to death every day.
28:35Putting this in a box and putting it away and not thinking too much about it.
28:40It's been quite a good strategy for me.
28:42You don't want to open that up in a Pandora box, you know.
28:45Time is interesting in that the grief never leaves you.
28:52But you learn different ways to be able to manage it.
28:57A few years later, I've met someone else and we get married in 2006.
29:02And then I have my son in 2012.
29:05I don't want to forget Craig.
29:07But I don't want the grief of all that.
29:12I don't want to bring that into my new relationship.
29:16Because it is so full of joy.
29:19It's taken a long time for me to actually find that balance.
29:22Where they actually sit side by side.
29:25And that's okay.
29:27I think as I've gotten older.
29:29I've gotten married.
29:31Had a bunch of these milestones happen.
29:33I think it's gotten harder actually.
29:35Like I feel like I've been able to process more of my grief.
29:38Don't get me wrong.
29:39There are days where I've been completely dismal and crying uncontrollably.
29:44Never going to Australia like with my dad.
29:47And like my dad will never meet my husband.
29:49He'll never meet my children.
29:50Like those things are really hard.
29:52I think that that event.
29:54One thing that I question if would my life be different.
29:58If that didn't exist where I saw a thousand people dying in one moment.
30:02What would my life be like?
30:04Who would I be?
30:06Had this not happened to me.
30:08I would have this completely different life.
30:22I really want to say it,
30:23I would never have it ever done.
30:24What would my life be like?
30:25fehlt slowly.
30:26Heck one thing passive bouton
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