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00:00:00Hey everybody, thanks for checking out the Chris Gethard Show podcast.
00:00:04It's really cool that you're checking this out.
00:00:06You're about to watch episode one of the Chris Gethard Show on public access television,
00:00:10the Manhattan Neighborhood Network.
00:00:12Just some things you need to know before you check it out.
00:00:14The Chris Gethard Show started as a stage show at the UCB Theater in New York.
00:00:17After close to two years of doing it, we switched it to public access.
00:00:21There's people who sort of organized this first episode.
00:00:24Myself, J.D. Amato, Noel Foreman, Drew Johnston, and then also George Karaman, Jesse Lee.
00:00:28All of us kept getting together saying, what would we do with this public access show?
00:00:32It's very ambitious.
00:00:33As you can see, we had a big studio audience, like 40 people there.
00:00:36It was like, let's jump from this bit to that bit and this bit, and we'll cut back and forth,
00:00:39and it'll be like a three-ring circus.
00:00:41It was our idea, which is a good idea, but it was a lot to handle,
00:00:43and you'll feel the nervous tension all over this episode.
00:00:47Other things you should know, we didn't have much time to set up,
00:00:50mostly because this maniac named Ger Stevens started yelling at us.
00:00:53He's another guy who has a public access show there and just started screaming at us,
00:00:56so we only had like half our setup time because this guy got in a fight with us.
00:01:00So we ran into time.
00:01:01We could not light the show, which is, I think, very enjoyable.
00:01:03You'll see the lighting and the staging is very weird at times.
00:01:07And none of our crew had been certified to operate any equipment yet,
00:01:11so all the people running the cameras were like people that Eminem found,
00:01:15which was nice of them, but one was just like this Indian lady who I don't know who she was.
00:01:19I never met her.
00:01:20Don't know where she went, where she came from.
00:01:22But overall, it's a fun experience.
00:01:24I think you'll enjoy checking out the show.
00:01:26You'll like seeing our early attempts at things.
00:01:28I learned that you can't be mean on TV,
00:01:32that it's funny to be mean to Don Fennelly in the stage show,
00:01:35but on TV I watched it afterwards.
00:01:36I was like, wow, man, I was just so mean.
00:01:38I was laced into Don, which he didn't like either.
00:01:40We had like a sort of terse discussion afterwards.
00:01:43But it's a fun show.
00:01:44I'm glad you're checking it out.
00:01:46Episode 1, our rudimentary beginnings, our humble beginnings.
00:01:49I hope you enjoy it.
00:01:52I think we nailed it, man.
00:01:57At the end, you're like angry at the camera.
00:02:00Who cares, man?
00:02:01I think that's funny.
00:02:04You're okay?
00:02:05Yeah, I'm good.
00:02:06I promise.
00:02:07No.
00:02:08Okay.
00:02:09One, two, three, four.
00:02:11Come take a ride.
00:02:20Come take a ride.
00:02:21It's the weirdest guy I know.
00:02:23It's Wednesday night.
00:02:24It's Wednesday night.
00:02:26And I'm good at the Chris Gathard Show.
00:02:30Chris Gathard Show.
00:02:32Chris Gathard Show.
00:02:34Chris Gathard.
00:02:35Thank you guys very much.
00:02:49I want to thank everybody for being here.
00:02:52And welcome to the debut episode of the Chris Gathard Show on Manhattan Neighborhood Network.
00:02:56We want to thank M&N for having us.
00:02:58It's going to be a mess.
00:03:00It should be a mess.
00:03:01It should be a mess.
00:03:01But let's not do that because it'll change the channel immediately, Bethany.
00:03:05All right.
00:03:05We want to start the show with the Chris Gathard Show guarantee, which goes like this.
00:03:09We hope this is a good show.
00:03:10We want it to be really funny.
00:03:12If it's not, we promise that it will be a disaster of such a high level that it will
00:03:17be more enjoyable than it would have been if the show went well.
00:03:21That is our promise to you.
00:03:22We're so happy to be here.
00:03:23This show's been running for two years at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater down in Chelsea.
00:03:28We've shifted it from the world of underground comedy to the world of underground
00:03:31television.
00:03:32It's always been a mess.
00:03:33Always been a mess.
00:03:34But tonight we're going to nail it.
00:03:35For the first time ever, we're going to nail it really hard.
00:03:38We want to thank the LLC for playing us in.
00:03:40You guys will be involved throughout.
00:03:41This is my lovely assistant, Ms. Bethany Hall.
00:03:45Oh, look at that.
00:03:46Oh, look at that.
00:03:46And we don't have one of them applause signs.
00:03:48They just like you a lot.
00:03:50We want to go ahead right away and get people involved.
00:03:53You can call into this show.
00:03:55You can tweet at us.
00:03:56You can tweet at Chris Gathard and tell us how we're doing.
00:03:58Tell us what you want us to do.
00:04:00Also, I suggest you tweet your friends and tell them this is happening.
00:04:03Tell them they can go, if they're in Manhattan, to watch on MNN.
00:04:06If not, tell them to get on thechrisgethardshow.com.
00:04:08We're live streaming there right now.
00:04:10Tweet it.
00:04:10Email your friends.
00:04:11Get the word out while it's happening.
00:04:12We want everybody to be a part of it.
00:04:14Also, you can call us up.
00:04:15Bethany, what's the number people can call up?
00:04:16The number is 212-757-1393.
00:04:21Okay, that's...
00:04:22Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:04:23Twice the size, my bro.
00:04:24Not taller than you.
00:04:25Five, eight.
00:04:27All right, not twice the size.
00:04:29I'm a lot taller than you.
00:04:30I'm confident that I'm stronger.
00:04:31And I just got more passion.
00:04:32I'm going to rip that bag of garbage apart.
00:04:33I'm going to find that dollar.
00:04:34Okay, George is saying physical advantage, more passion.
00:04:37Jesse, what are you thinking?
00:04:38Asian people know how to find a dollar in trash.
00:04:42They'll think I have the advantage.
00:04:44Based on what?
00:04:44What is that?
00:04:45Based on Chinatown.
00:04:46Based on...
00:04:47I live in Chinatown, my friend.
00:04:49Wow, look at that.
00:04:50I live in Chinatown.
00:04:51So what are you going to do with this dollar?
00:04:52Yeah, what would you spend the dollar on?
00:04:54I mean, I'm a gracious winner, so I'm willing to put it towards things that my friend Jesse Lee needs.
00:04:58I hope they'll use in his life.
00:05:00You know, I'll get you brand spanking new karate shop glasses.
00:05:03Wow.
00:05:03Karate shop glasses.
00:05:04Lifetime supply of...
00:05:05A weird, vaguely racist thing to say.
00:05:07Karate shop glasses.
00:05:09I'll get you some, like a plethora of just like wooden planks that you can, you know, practice your...
00:05:14Wow.
00:05:15Outwardly racist.
00:05:16Outwardly racist.
00:05:17Jesse, what will you spend this dollar on?
00:05:19I'm going to buy a pack of Orbit gum.
00:05:21Wow, all right.
00:05:21So you'll put up the extra quarter to get that gum.
00:05:24All right, wonderful.
00:05:25So thank you guys.
00:05:25We'll be back later.
00:05:26We'll check in with you, see how you're preparing further for Trash Hunt.
00:05:29Thank you very much.
00:05:30Thank you very much.
00:05:30Thank you very much.
00:05:34At this point, ladies and gentlemen, I want to welcome one of my very best friends in the
00:05:37world, the handsomest man from Hackensack, New Jersey, the big bad buck of Bergen County,
00:05:42Dom Finelli.
00:05:43Ladies and gentlemen.
00:05:44Dom Finelli.
00:05:46Dom Finelli.
00:05:47Dom Finelli.
00:05:49Dom Finelli.
00:05:50Dom Finelli.
00:05:51Dom Finelli.
00:05:53Yeah, you got your own song.
00:05:55Yeah, it's nice.
00:05:56That's nice, right?
00:05:56Nice setup here, man.
00:05:58Thank you very much.
00:05:59You seem sarcastic, but I'm actually oddly proud of you.
00:06:01I'm very proud of you.
00:06:02Yeah.
00:06:02Now, Don, there's one thing I know about you based on our relationship.
00:06:06You never back down from a challenge.
00:06:08That's true.
00:06:08If something is called a challenge, you have to do it.
00:06:12It's like in my blood, yeah.
00:06:13Now, here's something we should explain to the viewers tonight.
00:06:15I asked you to come here saying I will plan a bit for you and not tell you.
00:06:19And no one spilled the beans, right?
00:06:20I don't know anybody's bits.
00:06:21I have no idea what's going on.
00:06:23So you just showed up tonight, and you're just terribly confused.
00:06:25Did you know about the human fish?
00:06:26Nope.
00:06:28Okay.
00:06:29So, Don, we have a challenge on the table for you tonight.
00:06:31Okay.
00:06:31A few minutes into the show.
00:06:33Okay.
00:06:33We're willing to bet.
00:06:34Let's go ahead.
00:06:34Let's bring out the wood.
00:06:36Let's bring out the wood.
00:06:37The wood?
00:06:38The wood.
00:06:39And the tools.
00:06:40Let's get all the wood and the tools.
00:06:42If Karen doesn't...
00:06:43They're going to go right here.
00:06:45All the wood and the tools.
00:06:46We can thank you.
00:06:46Thanks to our wonderful crew, by the way, tonight.
00:06:48All these guys we just met on Monday.
00:06:50You guys must be terribly confused and mad you involved yourself.
00:06:53in this nonsense.
00:06:54I have to build a dog house.
00:06:55Without a word, they walk away.
00:06:56Not a dog house.
00:06:57Don Finnelli, our challenge to you tonight.
00:07:00I think we have the hammer, the nails, everything.
00:07:02Don, we bet you that within the hour that this show is on,
00:07:05you will be unable to build a man-sized birdhouse from the inside out.
00:07:11A man-sized birdhouse?
00:07:12Guys, by the end of this show, we want you to use these materials
00:07:15to be trapped inside a man-sized birdhouse.
00:07:19We brought you walls.
00:07:20We brought you studs.
00:07:21We got you shingles so you can make the roof look nice.
00:07:24A man-sized birdhouse?
00:07:25You don't have much time.
00:07:26My suggestion is that you get to work, bro.
00:07:31We also have another aspect of it.
00:07:33Let's please welcome Ms. Fran Gillespie to the stage.
00:07:36Part of your job.
00:07:36Good, Tom.
00:07:38Now, are you confident that you can build this birdhouse in the allotted time?
00:07:42Nope.
00:07:42Okay.
00:07:43Let's see how it happens.
00:07:44Now, on top of this, you know, we're in New York City.
00:07:46It's a very multicultural place.
00:07:47We're sure we have a lot of Spanish-speaking viewers watching tonight.
00:07:51While we cut to you, anytime we speak to you tonight,
00:07:53from this point forward, Fran, who is bilingual.
00:07:55I work all day.
00:07:56I'm sweating because I'm sweating.
00:07:58You worked all day?
00:07:59Okay, I've worked since six.
00:08:00I've worked since six.
00:08:01But I sweat into everything, John, just so you know.
00:08:05So everything has my...
00:08:06And did you take the subway here or did you take a car?
00:08:08I took the subway here, so I also handled the subway bars and then...
00:08:11So you have a smoker's hands and a subway hand.
00:08:14Yes.
00:08:14Right here.
00:08:15So what's the first item that you put?
00:08:16Okay, so the first dish is an arugula salad with a quick-pickled radish with rice vinegar.
00:08:22It's got some scapes, which are garlic roots,
00:08:25and a plum vinaigrette with applewood smoked bacon.
00:08:29So why don't we try it, John?
00:08:30Go ahead and we'll hear what John thinks.
00:08:36What the...
00:08:37Que paso?
00:08:37What do you think?
00:08:41John, your thoughts on this arugula salad with applewood smoked bacon prepared by Anthony Tamanick.
00:08:46Made for you.
00:08:47It's not good.
00:08:48It's not good.
00:08:49Why?
00:08:50Are you serious?
00:08:50It's too salty.
00:08:51Too salty.
00:08:52The bacon...
00:08:53Is the bacon a little...
00:08:53The bacon and the quick-pickled radishes are way too salty.
00:08:57Fuck you.
00:08:58Yeah.
00:08:59You don't think it's too salty?
00:09:00Yeah, it is.
00:09:01Too salty.
00:09:02It's too fucking salty.
00:09:03Oh, guys, the human fish would love to sample some of the arugula salad if that's okay.
00:09:08Human fish.
00:09:08Send us your human fish.
00:09:10What's he eating?
00:09:12Human fish.
00:09:13Ew.
00:09:15Human fish.
00:09:16Enjoy the arugula salad.
00:09:17Not too salty.
00:09:18You know why?
00:09:19He's in the ocean.
00:09:20So you're accustomed to salt because you come from the sea.
00:09:23Is it established that he's a saltwater fish?
00:09:25He comes from the sea, yes.
00:09:27Dude, who got these screws?
00:09:28What is this?
00:09:29Those are nails, man.
00:09:30Right, nails.
00:09:31I have the human fish.
00:09:34Okay, so here...
00:09:35Let's do a second one right now, yeah?
00:09:37All right, so this I made today.
00:09:38This is a new recipe I made.
00:09:39I've never made it before.
00:09:40It's a cheese puff that I baked in the oven.
00:09:44First time you've made it.
00:09:45First time I've made it.
00:09:46And then I filled it with a sour cream, blue cheese, and chive, and black truffle oil filling.
00:09:52Okay.
00:09:52So it's like a double cheese puff.
00:09:54Don, quiet down, man.
00:09:55Sorry.
00:09:56No problem.
00:09:57I want you to know this is...
00:09:58No, this is homemade with flour.
00:10:00This is from scratch.
00:10:00This is from scratch.
00:10:01I did not buy anything.
00:10:02I made it myself.
00:10:03This ain't Pillsbury dough.
00:10:05It's got Grosjean cheese in it.
00:10:06It's Grosjean cheese in it.
00:10:07I'm going to say I'm pretty impressed by this because I spent hours listening to Anthony
00:10:12talk about food.
00:10:13Hours and hours and hours.
00:10:14John has sampled it.
00:10:15Anthony has sampled it.
00:10:17John Gamble, your thought on the cheese puff.
00:10:19This is really good.
00:10:20It's good.
00:10:20It's also a little too salty, I think.
00:10:23Are you serious?
00:10:24And a little too salty.
00:10:26This is not too salty.
00:10:27And cold.
00:10:28It's got to be cold because I have a pleasure here.
00:10:30Human fish would love to try.
00:10:31I think the cheese puffs are gone.
00:10:33Human fish, I'm so sorry.
00:10:34Yes, I am a fish.
00:10:38I mean, seriously.
00:10:39Are you talking to me?
00:10:41Can we interrupt this argument for a quick call?
00:10:43Oh, guys.
00:10:43It sounds like we have a telephone call.
00:10:44Let's go ahead.
00:10:45Caller, what's up?
00:10:47Hello?
00:10:48Caller, you're on.
00:10:49Hello?
00:10:50Hello.
00:10:50Welcome.
00:10:50Turn your tummy down.
00:10:53What's up?
00:10:54Am I on?
00:10:54Yes, you're on.
00:10:55What's going on?
00:10:56Okay, man.
00:10:56My name's Terrence.
00:10:57I'm calling in from New York.
00:10:59And, you know, basically, you know, I know it's a comedy show and all.
00:11:02Sure.
00:11:03And maybe, like, on the one hand, people might find this funny.
00:11:05But then, on the other hand, people could also find it serious.
00:11:09I just want to talk about, like, you know, how we're basically, like, the most, like,
00:11:12a pussed out society in the history of mankind.
00:11:15Let's get into it, bro.
00:11:17And you've got, like, these elections coming up.
00:11:19And I just don't see a candidate who's doing shit for people, man.
00:11:22I mean, like, like, Rob Ball's kind of cool.
00:11:25But at the same time, like, we really need a candidate to come out of fucking left field
00:11:29and just fucking tell people the way shit's got to be.
00:11:32Just, like, crazy fucking guy.
00:11:34Just a crazy guy from left field, man.
00:11:35Just killed some people in my house.
00:11:36That's, like, a pharmacy.
00:11:37What the fuck ever happened to Hammurabi's code?
00:11:39Just fucking chopped it up.
00:11:40Hell yeah, Hammurabi's code.
00:11:43Father, let me ask you this.
00:11:44Hammurabi's code is that you're not allowed to murder people, right?
00:11:48If you get murdered, you get...
00:11:49Eye for an eye if you build a house and collapses on you.
00:11:52The guy who built...
00:11:52Call her. Let me ask you this. Call her.
00:11:54Call her.
00:11:55So, human fish, we haven't checked in with you in a while.
00:11:57What's on your mind right now?
00:12:00Andrew Lloyd Webber versus Andrew Jackson.
00:12:04Okay, who wins?
00:12:06Andrew Lloyd Webber.
00:12:07Really?
00:12:08I thought Andrew Jackson would have won.
00:12:10Not so much.
00:12:12There, okay.
00:12:13You don't explain yourself, human fish.
00:12:15You just go with your gut instinct.
00:12:16Is it because of Webber?
00:12:18Like, webs?
00:12:19He'll never say.
00:12:22All right.
00:12:25Human fish, thank you so much.
00:12:28Thanks for everything.
00:12:29Andrew Jackson, let's come forward.
00:12:30So, both of you guys looked way more prepared for Trash Hunt coming up at the end of the show.
00:12:37Any further thoughts as far as what's been going through your head?
00:12:39You guys were talking some vicious shit to each other earlier in the show.
00:12:43Jesse, George got racist.
00:12:46I think George has been harboring racist feelings towards me for a long time.
00:12:50A little bit.
00:12:50And now this has become the fountainhead moment where all this comes out.
00:12:54Yeah, it's my opportunity to really just get it all out of my system.
00:12:57Wow!
00:12:58Yeah, during the Trash Hunt.
00:12:59So, you're just coughing to it.
00:13:01You previously stated that you live in Chinatown.
00:13:03Yeah.
00:13:04You're currently on Manhattan Public Access saying you are racist towards Chesney.
00:13:08Seems like a horrifically bad idea.
00:13:11I've lived in Chinatown for two years now, and I will say...
00:13:14Oh, God.
00:13:15It's affected me in a certain way.
00:13:18Are you sure you want to say what you're about to say?
00:13:21I mean, I've already said it.
00:13:23You know, here's the thing.
00:13:25I have some pent-up anger and rage issues in general.
00:13:30In general.
00:13:30In general.
00:13:31And I'm going to, you know, direct them at Jesse tonight when we're doing the Trash Hunt.
00:13:34And I think that's going to propel me to victory.
00:13:37Okay.
00:13:37Wow.
00:13:38So, I want to survey our studio audience.
00:13:40By a round of applause, who thinks George will win the Trash Hunt later tonight?
00:13:46Wow!
00:13:47By a round of applause, who thinks Jesse's going to win?
00:13:49Look at that!
00:13:51Look at that!
00:13:53George, your villainous ways have turned the crowd again.
00:14:00It just really backfired.
00:14:02I'm not a racist.
00:14:04I love Jesse.
00:14:05I love Jesse Lee.
00:14:05But I'm going to tell you this right now.
00:14:07I will say I know you very well.
00:14:08It's very true.
00:14:09It seems like you just traveled down a rabbit hole on tonight's show.
00:14:12I went down a bad route.
00:14:14You opened the Pandora's box.
00:14:15And it's just, it won't close.
00:14:17Looks like we got a call.
00:14:18Okay, we have a call.
00:14:19Why don't you guys stay up here?
00:14:20Call her.
00:14:20What's on your mind?
00:14:21Call her.
00:14:24You're on.
00:14:24I just want to play you one song, dude.
00:14:26Just one song.
00:14:27Is this the same guy from before?
00:14:29Thank you for president, dude.
00:14:30I want to play you one fucking song.
00:14:32You didn't even let me finish my point.
00:14:34Okay, that's fair, man.
00:14:35Play the song.
00:14:36All right.
00:14:37Hold on.
00:14:38All right?
00:14:38I'm just getting it.
00:14:39We'll just wait for you.
00:14:40Dude, that's cool.
00:14:41Fucking where's my school built?
00:14:42Hold on.
00:14:44I'm getting it up.
00:14:45All right.
00:14:46Ready for this one?
00:14:49When you say you're getting it up, you mean the song, right?
00:14:51You hear it?
00:14:57All right.
00:15:01This is not a song.
00:15:03No.
00:15:03We're going to go ahead and hang up on you again.
00:15:06You have now been hung up on twice in the course of one hour long show, sir.
00:15:10But thank you for trying.
00:15:12Thank you so much for trying.
00:15:13Trash Hunt, we're going to see you guys in fall later.
00:15:15Next time we get back to it, the Trash Hunt will be happening.
00:15:17So, George, it seems like Jesse's maybe got you in your head a little bit.
00:15:20Yeah, he's got me.
00:15:21Let's get your game faces on.
00:15:22We'll see you guys later.
00:15:23Thank you very much.
00:15:24Let's go ahead and bring Anthony and John back up to the stage.
00:15:27More appetizers on the way.
00:15:28Anthony and Cameron, I can't help but notice you guys stepped right on all of Finnelli's
00:15:43wood.
00:15:43Yeah, it's right there in the middle of everything.
00:15:44I know, that's how far away he is from constructing a human-sized birdhouse.
00:15:49You're able to walk over his efforts.
00:15:51Don.
00:15:52Hey, man.
00:15:53Absolutely worthless contribution to tonight's show thus far.
00:15:55How do you feel?
00:15:56No problem.
00:15:56Thanks for this bit.
00:15:59I'll tell you, in Hammurabi's Law, if he doesn't build this...
00:16:03Hammurabi's Law?
00:16:04Yeah.
00:16:05A pun?
00:16:06A pun?
00:16:07Oh, is it the pun?
00:16:08A good pun, John.
00:16:10Okay, so fun times are upon us.
00:16:13First time we touched upon this...
00:16:15It was a little salty.
00:16:16You fed John two different appetizers that he found too salty.
00:16:20Seems like that did not sit well with you.
00:16:21No, not at all.
00:16:22Because, one, I worked really hard.
00:16:24I made everything from scratch.
00:16:26And I know for a fact that the puffs were not salty.
00:16:28I know for a fact that they were the right balance.
00:16:30Well, he's had me over for dinner a lot, and usually the food is excellent.
00:16:33I think he was just a little overtaxed tonight.
00:16:35No, I just think...
00:16:36We were rushed.
00:16:37I think that the dressing...
00:16:38You were here late.
00:16:38You were here about ten minutes before the show because you were working so hard.
00:16:41I let Chris know that I was coming with the time I was coming.
00:16:44Yeah.
00:16:45Okay?
00:16:45No, he's very good about letting you know when he's going to be late.
00:16:49I love it.
00:16:49When you're late, it's like, oh, it can happen once in a while.
00:16:53It can happen once in a while.
00:16:53So it can happen once in a while, but then when I'm late, it can never happen.
00:16:57Well, you're late all the time.
00:16:58I'm not late all the time.
00:16:59Why don't you eat this?
00:17:00This is one of your favorites.
00:17:01Roasted tomato.
00:17:03Just put something in your mouth.
00:17:04So a nice, simple roasted tomato?
00:17:06Roasted tomato with garlic, white balsamic vinegar, basil, olive oil, and it's got a little
00:17:12bit of truffle salt in it.
00:17:13This seems like one you're particularly invested in.
00:17:15Yes, because, one, I know it's one of John's favorites.
00:17:17Why don't you have it?
00:17:18You have it.
00:17:18I don't eat tomatoes.
00:17:19Oh, well, thanks so much for that.
00:17:21Thank you, though.
00:17:21Yeah, you just, that would be like asking me to put a quarter in my mouth.
00:17:24Human fish, you gotta eat before you come, man.
00:17:27You gotta eat before you come to the show.
00:17:29You keep trying to get in on the food thing, man.
00:17:31Yeah, it's fine, human fish.
00:17:32What do you think?
00:17:33It's very good.
00:17:34Okay.
00:17:35And?
00:17:37Compared to the ones I've had before, it's a little spicier.
00:17:41Yeah.
00:17:41Is there something spicy in it?
00:17:42I put coriander in it.
00:17:43Mm-hmm.
00:17:44Yeah.
00:17:44Is that good or bad?
00:17:46It's okay, but the spiciness is a little salty also.
00:17:48Anthony, it does feel like across the board, John Gemberling is, uh, I would say, I don't
00:17:54want to put words in your mouth, it seems like mildly disappointed by everything you've
00:17:57prepared tonight.
00:17:58Yeah, I like this.
00:18:00Oh, you do?
00:18:00It's a little spicy.
00:18:02Thank you so much, John.
00:18:04Do you like it?
00:18:05I'm legitimately pissed.
00:18:06We should say, you're not playing this up.
00:18:08I'm legitimately, this is not a bit.
00:18:09This is not a bit.
00:18:09I'm actually angry at you.
00:18:11Let me tell you something.
00:18:11I made this exactly the same fucking way I've ever made it for you every single time.
00:18:15No, no, no.
00:18:15It was not this spicy.
00:18:16Yes, it's always been that spicy.
00:18:18No, no.
00:18:18Yes.
00:18:19It has.
00:18:19Oh, it always has coriander on it.
00:18:20In fact, normally I put paprika on it.
00:18:22I like it because it's a nice, refreshing sort of thing that isn't really spicy or salty
00:18:25at all.
00:18:25The last time you was at our house, I put a dish down, a huge dish of 24 of them with buffalo
00:18:32mozzarella in between each one and baking.
00:18:34I left the room done.
00:18:36Other people are trying to do shit because you can't get anything done.
00:18:39And you're taking out your rage at your own lack of ability and destroying this for
00:18:43us, man.
00:18:44I'll tell you how I fight you.
00:18:44How would you fight me?
00:18:45Punch you right in the face.
00:18:47Yeah, that's what you do.
00:18:48Punch me in the face.
00:18:48Well, let's talk about this, Don.
00:18:50Let's talk about this because me and you once had a wrestling match in an actual wrestling
00:18:54ring and what happened?
00:18:55What's that?
00:18:55What happened?
00:18:56We were both on TV.
00:18:59Why is everyone so angry right now?
00:19:02This guy's getting me mad because he's failing and now he's throwing wood.
00:19:06When we're finally getting this one, we're finally getting some momentum and you disrupt
00:19:09it, I choked you out.
00:19:10Your reaction's getting a little spicy.
00:19:12It is.
00:19:12Look at that.
00:19:13We added some coriander to the Geth and Finale combo tonight.
00:19:16You know what?
00:19:16That coriander's always been here.
00:19:18Let's have this really quick while we take the call.
00:19:19This looks fascinating.
00:19:20Let's hold this up and see if we can get this again.
00:19:22This is Asiago cheese with truffle honey.
00:19:24That's great.
00:19:25And then I candied these orange rinds today right before I came to the show.
00:19:29I would say out of all of them, this is the most, aesthetically, this looks like the
00:19:32most pleasing.
00:19:33And you can have a dessert with cheese.
00:19:34Let's take that call.
00:19:35Yeah, take the call while we...
00:19:36Yes, truffle honey.
00:19:37Okay, while you guys are eating, caller, what's on your mind?
00:19:42Caller.
00:19:43Well, I want to thank you for your contribution to the show.
00:19:46I want to thank you so much for giving a shot.
00:19:49That went seamlessly well.
00:19:51What do you think?
00:19:51While you were chewing.
00:19:52This is great.
00:19:53Oh.
00:19:54I think this is the best so far.
00:19:55Okay, now what do you like about it?
00:19:56What do you mean so far?
00:19:56I like how everything's working together.
00:20:00The cheese, the creaminess of the cheese is working with the sort of honey.
00:20:05I would say you don't need the truffle honey.
00:20:08I think you could do it with just honey.
00:20:09Sorry, I need to interrupt you.
00:20:10We've got to move on.
00:20:11We've got to have a song.
00:20:12We've got to move on?
00:20:13Yeah.
00:20:13Okay, we have a song?
00:20:16Right?
00:20:18Okay, I get what's going on.
00:20:20Thank you to our executive producer, Noah.
00:20:22Thank you so much.
00:20:23Thanks.
00:20:24I love the one compliment I was getting.
00:20:25It's time to cut it short.
00:20:27It's time to cut it short.
00:20:28We've got to move on immediately.
00:20:29Bethany, I know it's the first episode of the...
00:20:31What's up, viewers of episode one?
00:20:33Sorry that I'm here right now.
00:20:34The reason I'm popping up is because we had to swap tapes while this was going on, and
00:20:38we didn't really know that was going to be a thing.
00:20:40We had no idea.
00:20:41Nobody had told us.
00:20:42So in the middle of the episode, we were recording on the devices you used to record
00:20:47a show.
00:20:47All of a sudden, we had to switch tapes, so we lost like 10 or 15 seconds.
00:20:50So this is just me covering for it.
00:20:52You'll never know what happened in those seconds, and for that, I'm sorry, but you should watch
00:20:55live from now on.
00:20:56Enjoy the rest of the show.
00:20:57I think that's totally fair.
00:20:59Rob, thank you so much for moving the table.
00:21:00One of the only guys on the ball tonight, Rob Malone.
00:21:02Thank you so much.
00:21:03I'd like to say...
00:21:04Look at that.
00:21:04A round of applause for Rob Malone with the table placement.
00:21:08If you were paying a little more of attention, I wouldn't have had...
00:21:12Well, I'm in the zone.
00:21:12I'm trying to get in the zone here.
00:21:14So?
00:21:14And this is not even a joke.
00:21:17We all know.
00:21:18You and I are starting to fight right now, but we all know who threw that bit off and
00:21:20threw my rhythm off.
00:21:22We all understand.
00:21:23Are you serious?
00:21:24Yes.
00:21:25Yes.
00:21:25We were in the...
00:21:26Fran, what did he just say?
00:21:27How does that say in Spanish?
00:21:28Está serio.
00:21:30I am serious.
00:21:32How do I say that?
00:21:33Soy serio.
00:21:34Soy serio.
00:21:36Soy serio.
00:21:37Ladies and gentlemen, if you make more noise, I want you to look at me for one more second.
00:21:41If you make more noise than Mike Juerg is playing, because the tape, you've somehow
00:21:45found a way to make it louder than the nails.
00:21:46Dude, that goddamn distortions.
00:21:49I can't hear shit.
00:21:50I know how you're hearing tape.
00:21:51Mike Juerg's about to play.
00:21:52What that means is you take a break.
00:21:54You don't disrespect our guest who came all the way from New Jersey.
00:21:56Okay, man.
00:21:56I'll take a break from this.
00:21:57All right.
00:21:58No problem.
00:21:58Go ahead.
00:21:59You take a break.
00:22:00Get your head on straight and try to come correct, because Mike Juerg's about to take
00:22:04over the stage once again.
00:22:05Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Mike Juerg.
00:22:11I was having conversations for the long ride home, because no one's fucking winning in
00:22:20this war.
00:22:21I was using information through the dial tone.
00:22:25Didn't want to deal with it no more.
00:22:28And in the end, I guess, do what's best for you.
00:22:32Cause you've been holding in a yawn ever since we met.
00:22:42I kind of knew you weren't just tired.
00:22:45And I'm standing all alone and I'm willing to bet that my fucking invitation's expired.
00:22:51And in the end, I guess, do what's best for you.
00:22:57And in the end, I know I do what's best for you.
00:23:03Because he knows what he's doing, and he's always on time, and he's dressed in the millions,
00:23:22quick with the lines, and the sex is better than the sex that you're having with him.
00:23:28And in my mind, when the rules of attraction were written for me, and I just never was
00:23:35what you wanted me to be.
00:23:37The odds in my favor stacked up on his side.
00:23:42So goodbye.
00:23:43Thank you so much.
00:23:53After last song, you said that the show so far was kind of a mess.
00:23:56How are you feeling now as we enter act three?
00:23:58Progressing.
00:23:59Progressing?
00:24:00You didn't say in a positive or negative direction.
00:24:02Progressing just means heading somewhere.
00:24:05Well, a fair assessment, I think.
00:24:07Thank you so much.
00:24:09Love you back later.
00:24:09At the very least, Benelli didn't fuck that one up as bad as last time.
00:24:12That's true.
00:24:13How's that song going, man?
00:24:15That's got the right tools.
00:24:17Oh, my God.
00:24:19You are so far away from a birdhouse.
00:24:23I'm going to do it, man.
00:24:23How much time does I have left to get this birdhouse made?
00:24:26Fifteen minutes.
00:24:27Fifteen minutes.
00:24:27Oh, my God.
00:24:29You crashed and burned so hard tonight.
00:24:31Ladies and gentlemen, we have a caller on the line.
00:24:33Caller, what's on your mind?
00:24:35Hey, how you doing?
00:24:36I'm a big Don Finnelli fan.
00:24:38I don't want to know if you could do the rest of the shows.
00:24:40Hold on.
00:24:41What was that?
00:24:41Caller?
00:24:42I'm a big Don Finnelli fan.
00:24:44All right.
00:24:44Yeah?
00:24:45I wanted to know if you could do the rest of the show with his shirt off.
00:24:51Totally up to him.
00:24:53Not even.
00:24:53No hesitation.
00:24:54No doubt.
00:24:54So, caller, are you watching right now?
00:24:56Caller, are you watching right now?
00:24:57Yes, I'm watching on the internet.
00:24:59What are the feelings going through your head as Don Finnelli is here shirtless?
00:25:02Take us through it.
00:25:02It's a stream of consciousness.
00:25:04Well, I'm getting a bit of a delay, so hopefully it happens soon.
00:25:08Okay, a little bit of a delay.
00:25:09My understanding is we've overloaded our live stream a little bit tonight, and it's going
00:25:12up and down.
00:25:13Is that your experience?
00:25:14Yeah, it sort of.
00:25:15It streams a little bit, and then it stops, and then it streams more, so it's taken a
00:25:19little bit.
00:25:20And now you know.
00:25:21If it comes off, I'll be happy.
00:25:22You know Don Finnelli is sitting here shirtless, and it's going to catch up to you at some
00:25:25point, and you're going to have that satisfaction.
00:25:27Nice.
00:25:28Thank you so much.
00:25:29Caller, caller.
00:25:29Caller, caller.
00:25:30Wait one second.
00:25:31How would you fight Chris Guthard?
00:25:32Yeah, if you and I got in a fight, how would you fight me?
00:25:35If I were to fight you, I'd probably take you down by the legs.
00:25:40Okay.
00:25:42That's about it, yeah.
00:25:44Put my armpit in your face.
00:25:45I don't know.
00:25:46I would say the beginning of your strategy sounds good, but from there, it's a little listless.
00:25:50Yeah, well, we'll see how it finishes off.
00:25:53Okay.
00:25:55Okay.
00:25:56I know.
00:25:57Well, I hope you enjoy.
00:25:58Don Finnelli's shirtless is on his way, and I'm sure it will take you no time at all
00:26:02to ejaculate at the site.
00:26:03No time at all.
00:26:05All right.
00:26:06Chris, thank you so much, and Don.
00:26:07I love you, man.
00:26:08Where are you calling from?
00:26:09New York City.
00:26:10Wonderful.
00:26:11I hope you call every week, because you're the first sane person that's touched base with
00:26:14us.
00:26:15Thank you so much.
00:26:16Nice.
00:26:17No problem.
00:26:17Thanks.
00:26:18Okay.
00:26:18I feel like you're someone I know using a weird voice.
00:26:21Yeah, probably.
00:26:24Well, thank you so much.
00:26:26I wonder forever who you are.
00:26:28I want to go ahead and direct your attention back here.
00:26:30Hey, Omar, maybe you can step forward.
00:26:32You look fucking awesome, man.
00:26:35You can't see yourself, both because you're on camera right now and because your glasses
00:26:43are off.
00:26:43Yes.
00:26:44You look amazing.
00:26:45Diana, come on.
00:26:46So how far along, percentage-wise, how far would you say Omar's done?
00:26:5065.
00:26:5165%.
00:26:5265%.
00:26:52And what about Omar inspired you to go in this direction?
00:26:55How would you describe it?
00:26:56It's a season.
00:26:57It's a season.
00:26:58So by the end of the show, we should know which season you're trying to represent.
00:27:02And you think this is the season that ties in most to Omar's soul and personality.
00:27:05Absolutely.
00:27:07You're, you, I don't want, again, I don't want to put words in my mouth.
00:27:10You seem very, very excited by the process thus far.
00:27:13I'm very excited.
00:27:15You seem...
00:27:16I am.
00:27:17Okay, okay.
00:27:18So what are the next steps?
00:27:19What are the next steps we can expect to this?
00:27:21There's going to be a little bit of detail work, finessing.
00:27:25Don, shut up.
00:27:28First of all, you're trying to get Bethany to help you.
00:27:30What are you talking about?
00:27:31It's cheating.
00:27:33Bethany, don't help him.
00:27:34Don't have any capacity.
00:27:34I have pity.
00:27:35That's cheating.
00:27:36It is cheating.
00:27:37You're right, Diana.
00:27:38You were going to paint Don's face.
00:27:39How would you paint Don's face?
00:27:42Probably just really dark.
00:27:45Fair.
00:27:46Fair.
00:27:46Well, I can't wait to see how this wraps up.
00:27:48Omar, you're going to be thrilled when you see it.
00:27:51You're going to be thrilled.
00:27:51I hope so.
00:27:52Right?
00:27:53He's going to be fucking sorry.
00:27:54Yeah.
00:27:56All right.
00:27:57Let's finish that one up.
00:27:58What are we getting to next?
00:28:00Oh, this is it.
00:28:01Ladies and gentlemen, you guys sitting right here, hold your noses.
00:28:06Let's go ahead.
00:28:07Jesse and George, it's time to see.
00:28:09One, two, three, four.
00:28:11I declare trash war.
00:28:16Trash fight.
00:28:21Trash fight.
00:28:22Oh, Anthony has contributed more trash.
00:28:25Who knows if the dollar somehow out of there.
00:28:29It could be a real diversion.
00:28:30So we are not going to dump this trash.
00:28:33There's a small opening at the top of that black trash.
00:28:35Somewhere inside is a dollar.
00:28:36Jesse, George has insulted you and your people tonight.
00:28:41How motivated are you to get that dollar?
00:28:43You know, I'm just going to keep my head down and work hard and maybe I'll wake it to the top one day.
00:28:47Look at that.
00:28:50Look at that.
00:28:52George, any response?
00:28:53Through that surgical mask, viewers probably cannot see the shame on your face.
00:28:58Let's just get it on, man.
00:29:00Let's do it.
00:29:00So when the band starts playing, you guys are allowed to go.
00:29:04MNN has been very nice hosting us here tonight, so we're going to ask, let's not go too crazy.
00:29:07But you guys, you have talked about the terms of war.
00:29:10As far as each other, what are the limits as far as physically what you're going to do to each other tonight?
00:29:14Are you focusing just on the trash?
00:29:15Or are we going to, what's the thought behind this?
00:29:20I'm going to extract the dollar from the trash.
00:29:22No matter what it takes.
00:29:23Is there a certain amount of time the dollar holder gets it before it's his?
00:29:27That's a great question.
00:29:28I think first person to make gloves to dollar contact or skin to dollar contact.
00:29:34No, you have to have a solid grip on that dollar.
00:29:36And then you have to hold it up.
00:29:36Yeah, you have to hold it up victorious.
00:29:38Whoever has it long enough to hold it above their head wins trash on.
00:29:41And do we know the contents of this trash at all?
00:29:43The contents of this trash are the last three weeks worth of things that I have lived.
00:29:47It will be a reflection of my life.
00:29:48Next time.
00:29:49So food I've eaten, documents I've surveyed, wrappers I've thrown out.
00:29:56I can tell you that when I took it out of my trash can tonight, it was overflowing.
00:29:59It had a strong scent of almost like a medicinal smell.
00:30:04That's how things are degrading.
00:30:06Yeah.
00:30:07Okay, so let's go ahead and get it on.
00:30:10The band will play as you guys hunt for trash.
00:30:12George versus Jesse Trash.
00:30:14Let's go.
00:30:16Trash gun.
00:30:19Trash gun.
00:30:21Trash gun.
00:30:24Trash gun.
00:30:26Trash gun.
00:30:28Trash gun.
00:30:29Trash gun.
00:30:30Trash gun.
00:30:31Trash gun.
00:30:32Trash gun.
00:30:33Trash gun.
00:30:34Trash gun.
00:30:36Trash gun.
00:30:37Trash gun.
00:30:38Trash gun.
00:30:39Trash gun.
00:30:40Trash gun.
00:30:41Come on, Jesse.
00:30:42Trash gun.
00:30:43Trash gun.
00:30:44Trash gun.
00:30:45Trash gun.
00:30:46Trash gun.
00:30:47Trash gun.
00:30:48Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie
00:31:18Trash gun!
00:31:20Trash gun!
00:31:26Trash gun!
00:31:28Well hit, well hit
00:31:30Trash gun!
00:31:32Well hit
00:31:34Trash gun!
00:31:36I've seen it!
00:31:38I know where it is
00:31:40Do I see it?
00:31:42Yeah
00:31:44Trash gun!
00:31:46Trash gun!
00:31:48Trash gun!
00:31:50Trash gun!
00:31:52Trash gun!
00:31:54Trash gun!
00:31:56Trash gun!
00:31:58Oh my God
00:32:00Trash gun!
00:32:02Oh my God, this is horrible right here
00:32:04Trash gun!
00:32:06Get down
00:32:08Trash gun!
00:32:10Ten more seconds
00:32:12This is awful!
00:32:14Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:32:25Trash Hunt is over.
00:32:27Trash Hunt is over.
00:32:39I have won.
00:32:40Now, Jordan, Jesse, first of all, a birthday card from my roommate that was playing Twilight
00:32:47Sound.
00:32:48Didn't know that was in there.
00:32:51I eat a lot of Thai food, you guys.
00:32:54A lot of Thai food.
00:32:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:56This smells horrible.
00:32:57Our staff is already poised to get this the fuck out of here.
00:33:01Immediately.
00:33:02I don't even want to wait until the end of the show to apologize to the Eminem guys for
00:33:06doing this bit.
00:33:06Jesse, due to the racism that you suffered through tonight, you have won this dollar.
00:33:11Congratulations.
00:33:14It's a great shame that I accept this so I couldn't find this dollar in this trash.
00:33:18It's okay.
00:33:18I mean, you accept it through charity and not through effort, but take it nonetheless.
00:33:23I want to thank both of you guys for participating in Trash Hunt.
00:33:26Thank God for those gloves and protective suits, huh?
00:33:29We're going to get it all out of here.
00:33:31George, you lost tonight.
00:33:34Any parting thoughts?
00:33:36I'm just really, you know, it's just a bummer that neither of us were able to find it.
00:33:41But it's a well-fought battle and I had fun.
00:33:44And I want to thank my competitor.
00:33:45Okay.
00:33:46You guys remain friends at the end of it all.
00:33:48We do indeed.
00:33:48Absolutely.
00:33:49Jesse, you were standing on that dollar for almost the majority of Trash Hunt.
00:33:54It all looked fucking the same, man.
00:33:56I couldn't see anything.
00:33:57It was just a...
00:33:58Now you sound like George, bro.
00:34:00You sound like George.
00:34:01All Trash looks the same.
00:34:03Well, because it was...
00:34:04Yes.
00:34:05All Trash looks the same.
00:34:06There was containers of sauce inside containers of sauce.
00:34:08I felt like you were...
00:34:09I don't know.
00:34:10It also is a very sad reflection of how I live and eat every day.
00:34:14Yeah.
00:34:14Well, thank you guys so much.
00:34:15George, Jesse, you did great.
00:34:17You fought hard.
00:34:18Trash Hunt.
00:34:20No thank you at all.
00:34:22I also am sorry that that went so long.
00:34:23I should have ended it sooner before the band started yelling the words,
00:34:26This Is Awful.
00:34:28Thank you guys so much.
00:34:29I think we have a caller on the line.
00:34:30Let's go into the musical.
00:34:32Go straight to that.
00:34:33Okay.
00:34:34Caller, just wait one second because we're going to finish strong with my friend and yours.
00:34:38Mike, you're coming back to the stage.
00:34:40So psyched to have you.
00:34:42Don, almost.
00:34:43Almost.
00:34:44Maybe almost.
00:34:46Don.
00:34:48That's not a burnout, Don.
00:34:49I don't know.
00:34:50I don't know.
00:34:51I don't know.
00:34:52I'm so in love with you.
00:34:54It's not that I'm trying to figure out.
00:34:56I see the song about this, what you're trying to do.
00:34:59It's just not working out.
00:35:00And now I'm having my ties.
00:35:02It seems you're broken out of my soul.
00:35:03Now I don't know about.
00:35:05While I'm sore from the smiles that you're giving me.
00:35:08Just to wait for the day when inevitably.
00:35:11Say I'm not the guy who thought you were.
00:35:13We had the talk and you regrettably informed me that you're taking a while.
00:35:17I'm so in love with you.
00:35:18It's just I know what to do.
00:35:20It seems I lose my inspiration when we're trying to do.
00:35:23Now welcome to pain and I'm praying for it.
00:35:26It makes me laugh about that and sad to see this whole time again.
00:35:29While I'm sore from the smiles that you're giving me.
00:35:32Just to wait for the day when inevitably.
00:35:35Say I'm not the guy who thought you knew.
00:35:37We had the talk and you regrettably informed me that you're taking a while.
00:35:41And I can write you the perfect song.
00:35:45You could say it alone.
00:35:49Yeah, you could say it alone.
00:35:53And I can write you the perfect song.
00:35:59You could say it alone.
00:36:01Yeah, you could say it alone.
00:36:04Not the plan play out.
00:36:16It's not my fault that you can't read things that are right in front of you.
00:36:19It said end and then have the band play.
00:36:22That's what it said.
00:36:23That's what it said.
00:36:24What was that supposed to mean?
00:36:25I don't know what I'm doing, man.
00:36:27I don't know what I'm doing.
00:36:28I don't know what I'm doing.
00:36:28What did it mean?
00:36:29Well, we're ending it in the band play right now.
00:36:33Hey, I did not have a pass.
00:36:36I'm coming.
00:36:36There you go, man.
00:36:42Horrible work.
00:36:44Horrible.
00:36:45Great work.
00:36:46Horrible work.
00:36:48Horrible work.
00:36:49Absolutely did not have to do that.
00:36:52Hey, thanks for checking out episode one.
00:36:58of The Chris Gethard Show.
00:36:59I hope you enjoyed watching us at our formative stages when we were still a caterpillar of
00:37:05a show that had to blossom into the beautiful butterfly that you probably know today.
00:37:10Check out episode two, three, four, five.
00:37:12They get better and better.
00:37:13And I think you'll enjoy it.
00:37:14I hope you liked it.
00:37:15And check out the show live.
00:37:17Go to www.thechrisgethardshow.com to see what our next shows are and to watch the show
00:37:21there when it's streaming.
00:37:23Thanks.
00:37:24Thanks.
00:37:24It's cool that you watched this.
00:37:26I'll just go like that to let you know it's the outros.
00:37:28Sure.
00:37:29Okay.
00:37:30Excellent.
00:37:31That helps, right?
00:37:32Yeah.
00:37:32It's a new clip, so you don't need to do that.
00:37:34But don't you like that I'm doing it?
00:37:36Are you recording this?
00:37:38Yeah, this is definitely going in.
00:37:39Okay.
00:37:40Okay.
00:37:41Okay.
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