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00:00The Lucy Show
00:11Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Lucy? Lucy?
00:49Yeah, I'm in here, Mary Jane.
00:51Oh, I got it.
00:52Oh, good. I'll be with you in a minute.
00:55I'm trying on my new dress.
00:56How does it look?
00:57You'll see.
01:00Oh, Lucy, it's scrumptious.
01:15You'll be the belle of the ball.
01:16Really?
01:17Every woman in that place will stare at you, Lucy.
01:20Never mind the women. How about the men?
01:24When the men see you in that dress, it'll take their breath away.
01:27Well, I hope not.
01:28If this gets me a man, I want one that's still breathing.
01:33And here's the stole I promised to lend you.
01:36Oh, it's lovely.
01:38My genuine mink.
01:40This must have cost a fortune.
01:41How could you afford this?
01:42Oh, well, I didn't buy it alone.
01:45Six of us chipped in, and we each get to use it one day a week.
01:49Oh, what does it do on the seventh day? Rest?
01:52Yes, and boy, does it need it.
01:55Well, I'm certainly lucky that your day is Saturday.
01:58No, my day is Tuesday. I switched with Mildred.
02:01Oh, Mildred's day is Saturday.
02:03No, her day is Wednesday.
02:06But Mildred switched with Roselle, whose day is Thursday.
02:10And Roselle switched with Irving.
02:14Irving?
02:15Irving's a bachelor. He uses it for date bait.
02:20Oh, baby, if you could only talk.
02:24You're sure you're going to be able to get this for me for Saturday?
02:27Oh, sure, but I have to get it over to Ella for tomorrow.
02:30But Ella has a date with Irving, so that saves us a day.
02:35But don't worry, honey. You'll get it by Saturday night.
02:38Oh, well, okay. I really want to thank you, Mary Jane.
02:41And I guess I should also thank Mildred and Roselle and Ella and Irving.
02:47I feel like I just won an Academy Award.
02:51Well, if they give an award at that affair for the most beautiful girl, you'll win it.
02:56Oh, I don't know about that.
02:58But I do want to look nice, because there's going to be a lot of very eligible bachelors there, you know.
03:04Oh, really? What's the banquet for, Lucy?
03:06Well, it's the 50th anniversary of the founding of the bank.
03:10And the guest of honor will be the president of the entire organization, Mr. Cornelius Hetherington, Jr.
03:16Oh, the name even sounds rich.
03:19Oh, he is. He's worth millions.
03:21He has two yachts. He has homes all over the world.
03:25New York, Paris, Hawaii.
03:28Well, is he married?
03:29No.
03:31That's what I call an eligible bachelor.
03:34Well, he's also 80 years old.
03:38Well, you can't have everything.
03:42Well, I could use another man in my life, but I'd prefer a little more life in my man.
03:48I'm going to get this off. I don't want to get it wrinkled.
03:51Yeah, well, I have to rush this over to Edith.
03:54Edith? Who's Edith?
03:55Oh, well, she's the sixth owner, and she's got a heavy date tonight.
03:59You know something? I envy that mink.
04:02It's dead, and it goes out more than I do.
04:04Now, you'd better remind the musicians that we expect them to be there at 7.30.
04:14The dinner starts promptly at 8.
04:15Yes, sir.
04:16Oh, be sure and check with the florist, too.
04:18Yes, sir.
04:19Now, I want you to follow through on every single detail.
04:22This is a very important affair.
04:23I don't want anything to go wrong.
04:25Now, don't you worry.
04:26Just leave everything to me.
04:27That's what worries me.
04:35Nothing will go wrong, Mr. Mooney.
04:37Well, I certainly hope not.
04:39You know, I'm so excited about this banquet.
04:41I spent two weeks' salary on a new gown.
04:45Mrs. Mooney spent three weeks' salary on a new gown.
04:49I didn't know she worked.
04:51My salary?
04:53She bought herself one of these new evening gowns with a miniskirt.
05:00Oh, how does she look?
05:02Grotesque.
05:07Well, Mr. Mooney, you can't blame her for wanting to wear the latest style.
05:12True, true, but miniskirts are not for her.
05:14No.
05:15No, no, she's much too bow-legged.
05:18If you ever straightened her legs out, she'd be seven feet tall.
05:23Well, uh, is there anything else that you want me to take care of, sir?
05:28Uh, no, I think that covers everything.
05:30Oh, by the way, while you were out, the manager of the banquet hall called regarding the color scheme of the decoration.
05:37Oh, yes.
05:38And I told him to do everything in gold and green.
05:42Gold and green?
05:44Yes, sir.
05:44That sounds like a peculiar combination.
05:46But very appropriate.
05:48You see, I picked gold because it's the bank's golden anniversary.
05:51And I picked green because it's every banker's favorite color.
05:57Mrs. Mooney, that is entirely too obvious.
06:00Obvious?
06:01Yes, it's almost poor taste.
06:03Now, you get in touch with the banquet hall and have those colors change to pink and purple.
06:09Pink and purple, yuck!
06:15Pink and purple happen to be my old school colors.
06:19Now, get in touch with them and have those colors change to pink.
06:22Oh, yes, sir, yes, yes, yes.
06:23Mooney?
06:23Oh, yes, sir.
06:24Mooney, an emergency has come up, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to give up your lunch hour.
06:29That's quite all right, sir.
06:30Anything to help out, sir?
06:31Well, I was scheduled to pick up Mr. Hetherington at the airport.
06:34However, a crisis has arisen, and I have called a meeting in my office immediately with all the important vice presidents.
06:41I'll be right in, sir.
06:42Not you.
06:45You go to the airport.
06:47Oh, and, Mooney, you'd better bring your secretary along, too.
06:50Mr. Hetherington might want to dictate some letters on his way from the airport.
06:53Yes, sir.
06:54Oh, and, Mooney, there's one thing more.
06:56Yes, sir.
06:56I want you to decorate the banquet hall in Mr. Hetherington's favorite school colors, gold and green.
07:03Gold?
07:06Well, I have already ordered those colors, sir.
07:10Really?
07:10Well, that was a lucky guess.
07:13Oh, it wasn't a guess, sir.
07:14When I'm given an assignment, I check things thoroughly.
07:18Nothing gets past me, sir.
07:20Well, good thinking, Mooney.
07:22Thank you, sir.
07:23Thank you, sir.
07:33Say one word.
07:44Just one word, you're fired.
07:46Flight number 234, now arriving from Honolulu at day 10.
08:07Is that it?
08:07No, that's it.
08:08That's Mr. Hetherington's plate.
08:09I'm so excited.
08:10Is my hair combed?
08:11Do I look all right?
08:12Oh, yes.
08:12How's my lipstick?
08:13Is my lipstick on straight?
08:14Yes, you look first.
08:15I want to make a good impression on Mr. Hetherington.
08:18Look, he's just going to dictate to you, not propose.
08:20Well, I've never met a millionaire before.
08:22I just want to look my best.
08:24Well, millionaires, just like anybody else.
08:26You just treat them like normal human beings.
08:28Yeah, I know.
08:39That's it.
08:40That's it.
08:41Hello, hello, Mr. Hetherington.
08:43Mr. Hetherington, I'm...
08:44Mr. Mooney, I know I'm president of the bank,
08:54but a slight bow from the waist would have been sufficient.
08:59Oh, well, I'm sorry, sir, but I tripped.
09:02I'm afraid it was all my fault.
09:04And who is this charming young lady?
09:08Oh, this is my secretary, Mrs. Carmichael.
09:11Oh, how do you do, sir?
09:14The pleasure is all mine.
09:16You have excellent taste in secretaries, Mooney.
09:20Oh, thank you, sir.
09:23I trust you had a pleasant flight, sir.
09:26Oh, fine.
09:27I charted the whole plane.
09:29The whole plane?
09:30Yep.
09:30That way I get the three stewardesses all for myself.
09:37It's the only way to fly.
09:40Mr. Mooney!
09:47Ah!
09:50Mr. Carmichael, what happened?
09:52Oh, it's nothing.
09:52I'll be all right.
09:53Oh, good.
09:54Where's Mr. Mooney?
09:55Oh, he stepped out for a moment.
09:56He ought to be...
09:57Oh, there he is.
09:57Oh, Mooney, did you pick up Mr. Hetherington at the airport?
10:00Oh, yes, sir.
10:01Did you get him back to his hotel?
10:02Yes, sir, and he's very happy with his accommodation, sir.
10:05Well, good.
10:06Let us hope that he will be as happy
10:08with the lady you have selected for him to escort to the banquet tonight.
10:12The lady?
10:15Yes.
10:16But you didn't say anything about a lady, sir.
10:20I didn't think it was necessary.
10:22You said that when you were given an assignment,
10:24you checked things thoroughly.
10:27And if you had, you would have known that Mr. Hetherington
10:30never attends a social function unless he escorts a lady.
10:34Well, sir, I didn't think that a man of his age
10:37would be interested in the opposite sex.
10:41Mooney, he is old, not dead.
10:47Now, I expect you to provide a lady for him.
10:49Well, that shouldn't be too difficult, sir.
10:51I'm quite sure one of our charming female employees
10:54would be happy to go with him.
10:56Wouldn't you, Mrs. Carmichael?
11:01Me?
11:01Yes, you.
11:03And give me one good reason why not.
11:06I don't like it.
11:08Oh, that's a good reason.
11:11Mrs. Carmichael is too young and attractive.
11:14That's true.
11:16We can't have the president of the bank seem like a playboy.
11:20Oh, you're quite right, sir.
11:21We've got to have someone closer to his own age.
11:25Someone refined and wealthy and dignified
11:27in keeping with his position.
11:29Well, I'll do my best, sir.
11:31I promise you.
11:32I don't want promises.
11:34I want results.
11:35Yes, sir.
11:37Yes, sir.
11:37I want you.
11:37Yes, sir.
11:38I want results.
11:39Oh, we'd better do something fast or we're in trouble.
11:42Oh, yes, we are.
11:43What do you mean, we?
11:45If anything happens to me,
11:47your job is none too secure.
11:51Now, do you know a refined, dignified, wealthy old lady?
11:55If I did, I'd have her adopt me.
11:59Mrs. Carmichael, I want help, not jokes.
12:02Well, I'd help you if I could.
12:04It's not my fault I'm too young.
12:06Yes, it is.
12:08You are late forever.
12:09Then you were even born late.
12:13If I were an old lady,
12:15I'd be very honored to go with Mr. Hetherington.
12:19Uh-huh.
12:23Uh-uh.
12:24Mr. Mooney, what are you thinking?
12:33If you're thinking what I think you're thinking,
12:34then I don't think I like what you're thinking.
12:37All we need is a little gray hair and a makeup job.
12:41Oh, Mr. Mooney!
12:43Now, you're not going to send me on a date
12:45with that Don Juan of the Stone Age.
12:48You will make a lovely little old lady.
12:51But I can't!
12:53You can and you will!
12:56I spent two whole weeks' salary
12:59on a beautiful new dress.
13:01And now I'm not going to get to wear it.
13:04That's not being fair.
13:05All right, all right.
13:06I'll be fair.
13:08I'll give you a choice.
13:09All right.
13:10Either you'll be an old lady
13:12or you'll be an unemployed lady.
13:15Well, Cheever, how do I look, sir?
13:32You know, you're in wonderful condition
13:40for a man of your age.
13:42What do you mean, a man my age?
13:44Why, I'm in better shape than you are.
13:47Look at you.
13:47You look like a paunchy penguin.
13:51Hey, where's Mooney and my date?
13:52Oh, well, that'll be a long later, sir.
13:54Tell me, what kind of a gal is she?
13:57Is she pretty?
13:58Does she have a good figure?
13:59Well, I don't know.
14:00I haven't met her.
14:01However, if Mr. Mooney selected her, sir,
14:03you may rest assured
14:04that she is refined, dignified,
14:08honest, friendly,
14:10wholesome, and trustworthy.
14:13Did she get me a date or a Boy Scout?
14:17Oh, I'm sure you'll like the one that he has to...
14:20Oh, here they are.
14:21Come in, come in!
14:23Mooney, you're late!
14:24Oh, well, sir, I...
14:25And you're alone!
14:26Oh, no, sir, no, no, no.
14:28Oh, uh...
14:29Come on.
14:32Come on, come on.
14:34She's a little shy, sir.
14:52Mrs. Abigail Vandermeer,
14:54may I present Mr. Harrison Cheever?
14:56How do you do?
14:58Very pleased to meet you.
15:01And your escort for the evening,
15:04Mr. Cornelius Hetherington, Jr.
15:09Hello, Jr.
15:12The pleasure is all mine!
15:15Do come in!
15:17Yes, sir.
15:19Oh, well, we'll sit down.
15:21Yes.
15:22Sir, it's getting late.
15:30Don't you think we had best leave for the banquet?
15:32Yeah, let's...
15:33Oh, no, no, Rush.
15:35Oh, Rush, the banquet can wait.
15:36First, I think we ought to get better acquainted.
15:40Oh, that's a very good idea.
15:42I said we, not you.
15:45Yes, we'll see you later, Mooney.
15:47You, too.
15:48Oh, but I...
15:49Go on, get, get, get, the both of you!
15:51Skedaddle!
15:54Hey, you're not fair.
15:56Start without us.
16:04Now that we're alone,
16:05we can get on with it.
16:07Get on with what?
16:09What did you have in mind, Jr.?
16:12Now we can get to know each other better.
16:16Oh, how much better?
16:18Uh, first, tell me, uh,
16:20is your name Miss Vandermeer or Mrs.?
16:24Mrs.
16:25Oh.
16:28I'm a widow.
16:29Oh!
16:31Uh, tell me, are you rich?
16:34Filthy.
16:35You're the kind of a girl
16:38I've been waiting for all my life.
16:41That's a long time.
16:43Yes, sir.
16:44You know something else?
16:46I think you and I
16:47could make beautiful music together.
16:50Uh, uh, say, uh, uh, uh,
16:52I, I, are you really 80 years old?
16:56Heck no, I'm 90.
17:00Well, don't you think
17:01you better cool down a little?
17:02Well, you're 90.
17:04If you cool down,
17:05the fire goes out.
17:11Let me tell you something.
17:13You better cool down, Jr.
17:15I'll put your fire out for good.
17:18I'm just trying to make conversation.
17:20Well, make it from over there.
17:21I'm not hard of hearing.
17:24I know you're so beautiful
17:25when you get your dander up.
17:28You get my dander up any further
17:30and I'll take away your rattle.
17:32Say, I, I got an idea.
17:36Oh, not another one.
17:38Oh, yeah, I like this one.
17:39You see, how, how about a little drinky?
17:42Oh, righty.
17:43How about a little warm milky?
17:46I was thinking of something
17:47stronger than that.
17:49How about some champagne, huh?
17:52That's too strong.
17:53The bubbles knocked me down.
17:54Oh, the bubbles keep knocking me down.
18:00Oh, say, that's a dilly.
18:08Now, you keep your distance, you understand?
18:10Come on, honey.
18:11Give me a little kiss.
18:12I'm going to give you nothing.
18:14Oh, yes, you will.
18:15Oh, no, I'm not.
18:17Oh, yeah.
18:18Oh, yeah.
18:24Hey, that's not fair.
18:32You're younger than I am.
18:34You're right.
18:34Why don't you act your age?
18:37Heck, that's no fun.
18:39Yahoo!
18:40Here we go.
18:43If you don't stop chasing me,
18:45I'm going to punish you.
18:47How?
18:48I'm going to let you catch me.
18:50Yahoo!
18:50Yahoo!
18:52Hey!
18:53Oh, I got you.
18:54Oh, I got you.
18:58You better pucker up, honey.
19:01Here I come.
19:02You're a frisky little devil.
19:12But I like him that way.
19:15Yahoo!
19:16Wow!
19:20I think you're trying to avoid me.
19:25Go and get me, buster.
19:27I'm taking your vitamins.
19:32I still insist that was no way to treat the president of a bank.
20:01Well, maybe not, but it was the only way to treat a wolf.
20:05How much of a wolf could he be?
20:06He's over 80.
20:08That's the worst kind.
20:09He's had all those years of experience.
20:12Oh, it couldn't have been that bad.
20:14You haven't spent an evening being Yahoo!
20:17Dad!
20:19Nevertheless, you had no right to let him go to that banquet alone.
20:23Fortunately, he hasn't complained.
20:24Yeah, well, I'm complaining.
20:26I spent two weeks' salary on a beautiful new dress, and I didn't even get to wear it.
20:30Well, that is...
20:31Mr. Mooney's office.
20:34Yes, Gladys?
20:36Mr. Hetherington's on his way in to see Mr. Mooney.
20:39Thank you, Gladys.
20:40What do you want?
20:41I hope he isn't mad.
20:42What do you want to see me for?
20:43I don't know what he wants to see you about.
20:43Oh, I hope there's no trouble.
20:45You never know what...
20:45Oh!
20:46Mr. Hetherington's...
20:48Mooney, why can't you learn to just bow from the waist?
20:57I'm terribly sorry.
20:58Won't you sit down?
20:59No, thanks.
21:00No, thanks.
21:00I just dropped in to say goodbye.
21:03Oh?
21:03Oh, you're leaving.
21:05Yep.
21:05But I'll be back in a couple of months, and I want you to get the same date for me.
21:11The same date?
21:12Yeah.
21:13She was a real swinger.
21:15Yes.
21:18Well, I'll do my best, sir.
21:20Yeah, well, thanks again.
21:21Goodbye.
21:22Goodbye, sir.
21:23Goodbye.
21:28Mrs. Carmichael?
21:30Yes, sir?
21:31You make the swingin'est little old lady.
21:34I can hardly wait!
21:35Woo-hoo!
21:37Woo-hoo!
21:38Woo-hoo!
21:39Woo-hoo!
21:40Woo-hoo!
21:41Woo-hoo!
21:42Woo-hoo!
21:43Woo-hoo!
21:44Woo-hoo!
21:45Woo-hoo!
21:46Woo-hoo!
21:47Woo-hoo!
21:48Woo-hoo!
21:49Woo-hoo!
21:49Woo-hoo!
21:50Woo-hoo!
21:50Woo-hoo!
21:50Woo-hoo!
21:51Woo-hoo!
21:51Woo-hoo!
21:52Woo-hoo!
21:52Woo-hoo!
21:52Woo-hoo!
21:53Woo-hoo!
21:53Woo-hoo!
21:53Woo-hoo!
21:53Woo-hoo!
21:54Woo-hoo!
21:54Woo-hoo!
21:55Woo-hoo!
21:55Woo-hoo!
21:56Woo-hoo!
21:56Woo-hoo!
21:57Woo-hoo!
21:57Woo-hoo!
21:58Woo-hoo!
21:58Woo-hoo!
21:59Woo-hoo!
21:59Woo-hoo!
22:00Woo-hoo!
22:00Woo-hoo!
22:01Woo-hoo!
22:01Woo-hoo!
22:02Woo-hoo!
22:02Woo-hoo!
22:03Woo-hoo!
22:04Woo-hoo!
22:05Woo-hoo!
22:06Woo-hoo!
22:18¶¶
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