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00:00The Lucy Show
00:11Starring Lucille Ball
00:18Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Aren't those reports finished yet?
00:49Oh, which ones, sir? You gave me so many.
00:52The Gordon reports.
00:53Oh, no, sir, they're not ready.
00:55Well, I thought you were taking them home with you last night.
00:57Well, I did take them home last night, Mr. Mooney, but I didn't work on them.
01:00Well, I hope they enjoyed the visit.
01:04The reason I didn't work on them last night is because I was on the phone for hours
01:08trying to sell the tickets for the bank benefit.
01:11When I finally got to bed, I talked in my sleep.
01:14A likely story. How do you know you talked in your sleep?
01:17Because when I woke up this morning, I found out I had sold myself ten tickets.
01:23You can't afford ten tickets.
01:25I know, I know.
01:27Will you sell them to someone who can pay for them?
01:29Yes, sir.
01:30Meanwhile, you cannot neglect your regular duties.
01:33No, I don't mean anything.
01:33No, no, I never neglect anything.
01:35What do I do when I have extra work?
01:37You give it to me.
01:40I do not.
01:42Now, I want to see all of the weekly statements.
01:45Yes, sir.
01:45And Mr. Cheever is waiting for the Gordon report.
01:47Yes, sir.
01:48Oh, did you type up those letters I dictated this morning?
01:51Oh, no, sir. Not yet, sir.
01:53What do you do with your time?
02:00Honestly.
02:02Hi, Lucy.
02:03Oh, oh.
02:05Oh, you frighten me.
02:06What are you doing here, Mary Jane?
02:07We had a lunch date, remember?
02:09Oh, I forgot.
02:11You forgot?
02:12Yeah, well, I'm not sure I can go to lunch.
02:13I got so much work, honey.
02:15Maybe I can go for 15 minutes.
02:17Lucy, you know, I tried to call you last night terrible times.
02:19Your line was always busy.
02:21Yeah, I was on the phone until after midnight trying to sell tickets for the bank benefit.
02:25Oh, would you like to buy some tickets?
02:27I already did.
02:28Oh, that's right.
02:29I forgot.
02:30Lucy, you're getting very forgetful.
02:32And with all this work you've got to do, you have to sit up half the night selling tickets?
02:36Well, Mr. Mooney asked me to, you know, and it's for a very worthy cause.
02:40You're pushing yourself too hard.
02:42You're going to have a nervous breakdown.
02:44Oh, Mary Jane, a nervous breakdown.
02:47Now, that's a lot of poppycock.
02:49That's just what my cousin said when I warned her.
02:52When you warned what cousin about what?
02:54My cousin Barbara.
02:55I warned her she was working herself into a state of nervous exhaustion.
03:00Poppycock, she said.
03:01Next thing we knew, she started having hallucinations.
03:06What kind of hallucinations?
03:08The kind you have when you have a nervous breakdown.
03:11Mary Jane, I never felt more calm, cool, and collected in my whole life.
03:15Now, will you...
03:15Oh, yes!
03:19Mr. Mooney.
03:19Can I have those weekly statements?
03:21Yes, sir.
03:25Mr. Mooney's office.
03:27Oh, just a moment, please.
03:28It's for you, Mr. Mooney.
03:29Mr. Robert Bailey.
03:30Oh, Bob Bailey.
03:32Yes, he's that friend of mine who's going to entertain at the bank benefit.
03:36Hello, Bob.
03:38Oh, look, look, look, Bob.
03:39I'm glad you called.
03:40I want to invite you to stay at my place while you're here.
03:43Yeah.
03:43Yeah, we can reminisce about our college days.
03:45Boola, boola, boola, boola.
03:48Um, what?
03:49Max?
03:50Who's Max?
03:52Oh, you have a partner in your act now.
03:54Well, there's plenty of room at the house for you and your partner.
03:57Yes, my wife's out of town.
03:59Bye-bye.
04:01Here are those statements, Mr. Mooney.
04:03Yeah.
04:03Uh, I, uh, still have a little work to do on them.
04:08You haven't finished them yet?
04:09Not quite.
04:10Not quite?
04:11Well, let me put it this way, sir.
04:12I haven't even started them yet.
04:14Well, you better start on them before you start out the front door for the last time.
04:19Yes, sir.
04:19Now, I want these finished so I can take them home over the weekend.
04:22Well, don't worry, Mr. Mooney.
04:23I'll have them finished.
04:24I'll work on them over time.
04:25At no expense to the bank.
04:27And I'll bring them over to your home.
04:29Well, Lucy, that you don't.
04:31Yes, I will.
04:34Honestly.
04:38He always tries to make a monkey out of me.
04:41Oh, Lucy, he'd drive anybody crazy.
04:43Come on, honey, I'm sorry.
04:44Now, wait a minute.
04:45I've got to think of some things here.
04:46I've got to take these home.
04:47I've got to finish these this afternoon.
04:49I've got to do the typing.
04:50Okay.
04:51Maybe I'd better take those with me.
04:53Maybe I can do some while I'm having lunch.
04:56And I think I'll take the tickets.
04:57Maybe I can sell some tickets.
05:01I hear a chingler.
05:03Bob Bailey's here.
05:04I'm back again.
05:07Back again.
05:09Here's the weather change.
05:11Mooney, baby, I'm here.
05:14Mooney, baby.
05:16Mooney, baby.
05:18Mooney.
05:21Ah, you move.
05:23I guess he's not here, Max.
05:26Come on in.
05:31Will you get a load of this layout, partner?
05:34Is this something?
05:35Oh, boy, he's really done all right since the old school days, old Mooney.
05:38I'll tell you what, Max.
05:39You sit here, wait for me.
05:40I'll see if I can find him, okay?
05:43Make yourself look.
05:48Oh, boy, that was a good lunch.
05:50Yeah, yeah, I sold some more tickets.
05:52Too bad you didn't need any, Jill.
05:53Oh, I was too busy.
05:54Gee, I'm kind of worried.
05:55I thought I had 15 of these statements.
05:57I only could find 12.
05:59Maybe you forgot and left them on Mr. Mooney's desk.
06:02Mary Jane, for the last time, I am not forgetful.
06:06And I am not about to have a nervous breakdown.
06:08And I'm not about to have hallucinations.
06:11So relax, doctor.
06:13Maybe I did leave them on his desk.
06:38Come on, Max.
06:39You better stay with me.
06:40Are you all right?
06:52Are you all right?
07:01Oh, hi, Mr. Mooney.
07:02What's the matter?
07:13Mr. Mooney?
07:14Yeah, what's the matter?
07:15Nothing.
07:17Nothing.
07:17I just need a little drink of water, I think.
07:19They are Mooney, baby.
07:29Oh, good to see you, boy.
07:32Oh, my boy.
07:33I can't remember that second word.
07:36Have I got a surprise for you?
07:37I want you to meet my new partner, Max.
07:39Wonderful.
07:40Good, love, Max.
07:40Come on in and meet my old friend, Mooney.
07:43Are you Max?
07:47That's Max, the greatest partner I ever had.
07:50Yeah, but he's a monkey.
07:52Well, that's why he's a great partner.
07:53Works for peanuts.
07:57Relax, Mooney.
07:58He's gentle as a lamb and smart as a whip.
08:01Well, he's almost human.
08:03But there you are.
08:03You see?
08:04You've got to be almost human to be a vice president of a bank, don't you?
08:09Well, look, Bob.
08:10I've told Mr. Cheever all about you.
08:12All right.
08:12He's very anxious to meet you, so let's go into his office, shall we?
08:15Cool it, Max.
08:15I'll be right back and take you to lunch.
08:18No, no, we can't go to the Brown Derby.
08:20You're not wearing a tie.
08:33You all right, honey?
08:34Yeah, yeah.
08:35I feel a lot better.
08:37You know, Lucy, I've been thinking, I know you don't believe this, but you really are working
08:42too hard now, just to be on the safe side, why don't you call my cousin psychiatrist?
08:47A psychiatrist?
08:49Mary Jane, that's ridiculous.
08:51Now, I'm perfectly all right, and I don't need a psychiatrist.
08:54Honestly.
08:54Gee.
09:12Mary Jane, how do you spell psychiatrist with a P or an S?
09:19Huh?
09:20How do you say that?
09:21How do you...
09:21Now, Mrs. Carmichael, just relax and tell me your problem in your own words.
09:29Well, um, it's, uh, it's not my problem, doctor.
09:32It's my friend's problem.
09:35I see.
09:36Go on.
09:36Well, my friend is secretary to a banker, a Mr. Mooney, and, uh, today, she, uh, had
09:46an hallucination.
09:47How did she know it was an hallucination?
09:50Well, because every time my friend looked at her boss, she saw a monkey instead of Mr.
09:56Mooney.
09:58Would, would you call that an hallucination?
10:01Yes.
10:01Yes, I would.
10:03I was afraid you would.
10:05Mrs. Carmichael, tell me about this banker who looks like a monkey to your friend.
10:12Mr. Mooney, oh, he's enough to drive anybody crazy.
10:16Not that my friend is crazy, you understand, but she has been very overworked.
10:21I assume she finds her boss a slight problem?
10:24Slight?
10:25Spends his whole day raving and ranting and trying to make a monkey out of me.
10:29Her.
10:31Her, her, yeah, I mean her.
10:32Of course.
10:36That's what causes her hallucinations.
10:38What?
10:39Her subconscious is making a monkey out of Mr. Mooney before Mr. Mooney can make a monkey
10:43out of her.
10:45Oh, for heaven's sake.
10:48Her hallucination is based on fear.
10:50On fear?
10:51And the only way to fight fear is to face it.
10:54You mean face Mr. Mooney?
10:55No.
10:56Face this hallucination and look right through it.
10:59Once your friend realizes this man cannot make a monkey out of her, he'll stop looking
11:03like a monkey to her.
11:05And the hallucination ends.
11:07It's as simple as that.
11:08Oh.
11:09Face your fear and it will disappear.
11:12The words of my favorite psychiatrist.
11:14Roy?
11:15No, me.
11:19Now, Mrs. Carmichael, if your friend will follow my advice, I'm sure that our hallucinations
11:25will disappear.
11:26Oh, doctor, I'm so grateful to you.
11:28Thank you so much.
11:29Not at all.
11:30I can't tell you how much I appreciate this.
11:32Goodbye.
11:33Goodbye.
11:39Doctor.
11:40Yes?
11:41There's something I feel I must tell you.
11:44What is it?
11:45Well, I'm afraid this might come as a bit of a shock to you.
11:49Well?
11:51I'm the one who sees Mr. Mooney as a monkey.
11:55You're kidding.
11:58I knew you'd be stunned.
12:08Way to go, sweetheart, Woody.
12:09Easy.
12:10No tricks.
12:10No tricks, Mac.
12:11There you go.
12:12What is it?
12:13Come on, now.
12:18Wait a minute.
12:18Wait a minute.
12:19Wait a minute.
12:20Look.
12:21Will you tell your Simeon Socrates here to stop swinging on my banister?
12:26I'm sorry, Mooney.
12:27He always climbs things when he gets hungry.
12:29Oh, does he eat anything besides books?
12:32He'll take a banana now and then.
12:34Bananas?
12:34Well, I think there's some in the kitchen.
12:35Come on.
12:36I'll show you where they are.
12:37You cool it.
12:38You cool it, Max, and I'll be right back with your din-din.
12:42How do I know if he's got any coconuts?
12:44Mr. Mooney, it's me, Mr. Carmichael.
12:52Steady, Lucy, steady.
13:04Face your fear and it'll disappear.
13:08Hi, Mr. Mooney.
13:09I brought the statements, Mr. Mooney, and I worked very hard to get them all finished.
13:18I, uh...
13:19Oh, Mr. Mooney, before you read the statement, there's something I'd like to say.
13:24And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything until I'm finished.
13:29Mr. Mooney, I, I just wanted to say that I, I've worked for you for quite a while, and
13:35you're a wonderful person.
13:37And, uh, even though I'm only an employee, I, I, I really feel that I'm just as much of
13:42a human being as you are, you know?
13:45Oh, wait.
13:46Please, Mr. Mooney, let me finish.
13:48Um, I, I just wanted to say that if I make any more mistakes, I beg of you, don't make
13:53fun of me.
13:54Don't try to make a monkey out of me all the time.
13:56Because if you keep that up, I'm afraid I'll just have to look for another job.
14:01You understand, Mr. Mooney?
14:03Understand what?
14:05Oh!
14:06Oh, Mr. Mooney.
14:08Boy, am I glad to see you again.
14:11Mrs. Carmichael, is there something the matter with you?
14:14Not anymore.
14:16Now you can read the statement.
14:17Oh, thank you.
14:18I don't think I've got my glasses.
14:20Oh, I'll get them for you.
14:21Where are they?
14:21Well, they're in the den upstairs, but I don't see any reason to...
14:23No, no.
14:24You sit down and relax.
14:25I'll be good to you, if you'll be good to me.
14:28Don't you worry about a thing.
14:36Oh, say, that banana looks good.
14:41Don't worry, I wouldn't take yours for the world.
14:45I can get my own.
14:46There they are.
15:00I cleaned them all up for you.
15:02Face your fear.
15:15Face your fear.
15:18I'm facing my fear, but I won't disappear.
15:21Stays right here.
15:25Mr. Mooney, may I use your phone?
15:29Dr. Parker, this is Lucy Carmichael.
15:47I'm so glad you're in.
15:49Listen, I tried to do what you said about the hallucination,
15:52but I'm with Mr. Mooney right now,
15:54and he keeps switching from a monkey to Mooney to a monkey again.
15:57It's just no use, doctor.
16:00What?
16:02Yes?
16:03And bring Mr. Mooney with me?
16:05Mr. Carmichael?
16:09Yes?
16:10Who are you talking to?
16:11Oh, I'm a Dr. Parker, a psychiatrist,
16:17and I think you should go down and see him right away.
16:21I beg your pardon?
16:23I mean, I mean, he's very wealthy,
16:26and he's thinking of opening an account at your bank.
16:29Oh!
16:30Oh, good, good.
16:31Well, tell him to come down to the bank first thing Monday morning.
16:34I'll take care of him personally.
16:35Oh, but he's so busy, Mr. Mooney,
16:36he can't ever get away from his office.
16:38Oh, yeah, he's got so many patients,
16:40he's up to three couches already.
16:42So, please, let's go and see him right now
16:44before another bank gets his account, huh?
16:46It's a good idea.
16:47All right.
16:47Well, I'd better go and put his jacket on.
16:49I want to make an impression on a new deposit, you know?
16:51Good.
16:52Yeah.
16:52Wear that new one you had on the other day.
16:53Yes, well, I had the whole suit.
16:55I'll be right down.
16:56Yeah.
16:58Dr. Parker,
16:59I talked Mr. Mooney into coming to your office with me.
17:01Yeah, we'll be right down.
17:03Yeah, thank you, doctor.
17:04Bye-bye.
17:06Oh, my, that was quick.
17:12That is a nice jacket.
17:16I'm sure that you'll make a good impression on the doctor.
17:21Well, I...
17:22Come on, we'll go, Mr. Mooney.
17:26Come on, Mr. Mooney.
17:28We'll get down to the doctor's office.
17:29It's just downtown.
17:30Come on, Mr. Mooney.
17:34Come on.
17:36Come on.
17:38Stand up straight.
17:39Come on.
17:42Okay, Max.
17:43Here's your dessert.
17:45Max.
17:46Come on.
17:46Stop.
17:47What?
17:48Max.
17:51Max.
17:52Max, get out of that car.
17:54Max, come back here.
17:55Max.
17:56Max.
17:57Mooney.
17:57Can I get here?
18:00Oh, Bob.
18:01Where's Mrs. Carmichael?
18:02Is she a red-headed dame?
18:03Yes, that's my secretary.
18:04Well, I've got news for you.
18:05Your secretary just ran off with my partner.
18:10Good heaven.
18:13I wonder what she sees in him.
18:18I wonder what he sees in her.
18:20Dr. Parker?
18:26Well, Mrs. Carmichael.
18:28Hello.
18:29Nice to see you.
18:30Where's Mr. Mooney?
18:31Oh, he's waiting in the reception room.
18:33He's reading the Wall Street Journal.
18:34He enjoys that.
18:36And I wanted to see you first and remind you not to say anything to him about my thinking
18:40that he looks like a monkey.
18:42You know, nothing about my hallucination.
18:44I understand, Mrs. Carmichael.
18:45I won't say a word.
18:46Okay, thank you, doctor.
18:47Come in, Mr. Mooney.
18:55Doctor, I'd like you to meet Mr. Mooney, the vice president of our bank.
19:08Mrs. Carmichael, is this what looks like a monkey to you?
19:12Dr. Parker, for heaven's sake, he can hear you, you know.
19:17But, Mrs. Carmichael.
19:21You promised you wouldn't say anything in front of him.
19:24That's terribly unprofessional.
19:26What about your hypocritical oath?
19:32But, Mrs. Carmichael, this is not a hallucination.
19:36This is a monkey.
19:37Oh, come on, Dr. Parker.
19:40Don't try to humor me.
19:42I'm not humoring you.
19:44This is a monkey, not a man.
19:46You understand, Mrs. Carmichael?
19:48A monkey, not a man.
19:51Oh, yes, yes.
19:52I understand, doctor.
19:54Yes.
19:55Yes, I understand.
19:56You have no hallucinations.
19:58No, no, I don't have any hallucinations.
20:00You're all right, understand?
20:02I know, yes, of course I understand, of course.
20:04You can go home now and take your monkey with you.
20:07Yes, I'm on my way, doctor, and thank you very much, doctor.
20:10Let's get out of here before he gets violent.
20:14Come on, Mr. Mooney.
20:16Hi, Mr. Mooney.
20:17Hi.
20:17Hi.
20:17Mrs. Carmichael,
20:45You have done some ridiculous things in your day.
20:49But would you explain why you took Mr. Bailey's monkey to a psychiatrist?
20:55Yeah, lady, I'd like to wait till we're both stars, then we can go together.
21:00You mean this is really a monkey and you're really Mr. Mooney?
21:06Well, do I look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook 5?
21:10You made me the happiest girl in the world.
21:13Well, bully for me, bully for me.
21:15You see, Mr. Mooney, I came down here because I thought I was having a nervous breakdown
21:19and because I was working so hard at the bank, you know, trying to sell your tickets for the benefit.
21:24Oh, that reminds me.
21:25Mr. Mooney, I haven't sold any tickets this afternoon.
21:28Doctor, would you like some tickets for our bank benefit?
21:30It's for a very worthy cause.
21:32No, I haven't got time.
21:33Oh, he hasn't got time.
21:35Oh, you want some tickets?
21:39Oh, wonderful.
21:40Oh, you want some more?
21:42Oh, thank you.
21:43Oh, you got a lot of friends?
21:45Oh, maybe you'll take Tarzan and Jane.
21:47Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:17Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:18Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:19Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:20Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:21Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:22Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:23Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:24Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:25Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:26Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:27Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:28Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:29Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:30Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:31Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:32Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:33Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:34Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:35Oh, you got a lot of friends.
22:36Oh, you got a lot of friends.
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