#Stan Laurel #Oliver Hardy
Category
๐ฅ
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The End
00:00:30The End
00:01:00You'll have to get out here, fellas.
00:01:16Thanks for the lift.
00:01:26Why?
00:01:30How about a lift, mister?
00:01:46Sure. Jump on the back.
00:01:47Come on, sir.
00:01:51Are you all set?
00:01:54Okay. Let her go.
00:01:55What's the big idea?
00:02:06Oh, what's the matter? Can't you take it, Joe?
00:02:09Jump back on. I was only kidding.
00:02:11Well, it's a good thing you're apologizing.
00:02:16We sure did told him off, didn't I?
00:02:18Yeah.
00:02:18This is it, fellas.
00:02:44Thank you very much.
00:02:45What happened?
00:03:10Good morning.
00:03:13Good morning. What can I do for you?
00:03:14Why, we'd like a job, please.
00:03:16What kind of employment do you prefer?
00:03:19Oh, anything you've got, missus.
00:03:20You see, we're down to our last six bucks, aren't we, Ollie?
00:03:24Yeah.
00:03:25Well, kindly be seated. I'll talk to you in a little while.
00:03:28Thank you, miss.
00:03:29Hello.
00:03:30Yes, this is the Sterling Employment Agency.
00:03:37Who?
00:03:40Yes.
00:03:43Oh, yes, I understand.
00:03:45Oh, good morning, Mrs. Vanderveer.
00:03:47I'm in a terrible predicament.
00:03:49I'm giving a party tonight.
00:03:51My maiden butler has left me without notice.
00:03:53Could you send me over a couple to replace them?
00:03:55Oh, I'm sorry.
00:03:56I haven't any on the list, but I'll see what I can do for you.
00:03:58Do you wish a single or married couple?
00:04:00I prefer a married couple.
00:04:02All right, Mrs. Vanderveer.
00:04:03I'll do my best to find you a maiden butler.
00:04:05Goodbye.
00:04:08Too bad you wasn't a woman.
00:04:09That'd be a swell job for us.
00:04:11Pardon me, madam, but did I understand you to say that you were looking for a maid and a butler?
00:04:31Yes. Do you know of anyone?
00:04:32I know a couple that will just fill the bill.
00:04:35You do? Are they available?
00:04:36I could get them for you right away, if not sooner.
00:04:38Well, I'd appreciate it very much if you'd have them go to this address immediately.
00:04:41Yes, ma'am.
00:04:42Thank you very much.
00:04:44Come, Stanley.
00:04:48Goodbye.
00:04:49Bye.
00:04:52All right.
00:04:53Goodbye.
00:04:55What's the idea?
00:04:56We don't know any couple.
00:04:58Do I?
00:04:58You don't, but I do.
00:05:02Is that so?
00:05:03Well, we'll go on.
00:05:07Ah, very nice, my dear.
00:05:10It's wonderful what you can do when you have to.
00:05:12Thank you, Baldy.
00:05:13You're such a dear.
00:05:15Oh, what's the latest on the maid and butler situation?
00:05:18I haven't heard a thing, and I'm terribly worried.
00:05:21Oh, don't you worry a bit.
00:05:23If the worst comes to the worst, why, you can serve a buffet.
00:05:26Oh, excuse me.
00:05:41Are you the head butler?
00:05:44I am Mr. Vanderbier.
00:05:46Oh, well, we are from the employment agency.
00:05:50Oh, yes.
00:05:56We are the best they could do at the last moment.
00:06:00So I can see.
00:06:03Well, come right in.
00:06:04Come here.
00:06:10This way.
00:06:14Oh, darling.
00:06:16This is the new maiden butler.
00:06:18Mrs. Vanderbier.
00:06:19How do you do, ma'am?
00:06:20What a strange-looking person.
00:06:39Well, what do you expect on a few hours' notice?
00:06:41If you'd have gone to the trouble we did to get us a job...
00:06:44What he means, I mean, she means, is that this is the best they could do upon such short notice.
00:06:49Oh, never mind, dear.
00:06:51Any old port in a storm, you know.
00:06:53I suppose you're right.
00:06:54Call Pierre.
00:06:58What's your name?
00:06:59My name is Ollie.
00:07:00And this is Agnes.
00:07:02A slight accident.
00:07:13Did you ring, madame?
00:07:15Yes, Pierre.
00:07:16This is the new maiden butler.
00:07:19Show them to their quarters and explain their duties.
00:07:22Yes, madame.
00:07:23Come, dear.
00:07:28This way.
00:07:32Ah, well, well, well.
00:07:54No, thank you.
00:08:02No, thank you.
00:08:07They're good.
00:08:12No, thank you.
00:08:32There's everything from soup to nuts, folks.
00:08:57Come and get it.
00:08:58What do I do now?
00:09:10You can take these cocktails.
00:09:13What, all of them?
00:09:14Certainly.
00:09:15See if you can do that without spilling them.
00:09:28Okay, boys, sit down.
00:09:43Now, don't nobody eat till Miss Vanley there gets here.
00:09:46She went to change her dress.
00:09:53Well, kid, how does she look?
00:09:54Well, folks, the joke's on me.
00:10:03I've got you all seated wrong.
00:10:05The old guy wants you all mixed up.
00:10:07I'll fix it.
00:10:07Just say, you.
00:10:09Me?
00:10:09You come over here, yes.
00:10:11And bring your eats with you.
00:10:12And you go over there and take your eats with you.
00:10:14That's right.
00:10:15Now, that's all right.
00:10:16Now, don't get excited.
00:10:17I'll have it all fixed.
00:10:18Just say, and you go over there.
00:10:19Take your eats with you now.
00:10:21And you go over there and take your food with you.
00:10:23That's it.
00:10:23And you go over there and take your food with you.
00:10:25And you come over here.
00:10:26And you come over here.
00:10:27And you go over there.
00:10:28Just a minute.
00:10:29Will you keep quiet just a moment, please?
00:10:31And quit interrupting.
00:10:32And you come over here and bring your eats with you.
00:10:35That's it.
00:10:35No, no, no, no, no.
00:10:36Don't sit there.
00:10:36Over here.
00:10:37Bring your eats with you.
00:10:39Don't get them mixed up.
00:10:40And you go over there.
00:10:41Now, Janette, you better go sit down.
00:10:43You come right here and sit down.
00:10:45Right there.
00:10:47Now, your hand away.
00:10:48No, no, no, no, don't sit there.
00:10:49Now, you go over there and take your eats with you.
00:10:50And you go over there.
00:10:51That's right.
00:10:51Come on, move fast, folks.
00:10:53Now, just take it easy, old boy. We'll have everything all fixed.
00:10:56Oh, no, no, no. Get over there, please.
00:10:59And you come over here. Don't you sit there.
00:11:01No, no, don't sit there, please.
00:11:03Now, one of you boys go right over there.
00:11:05And you come right here. No, no, no. You must get...
00:11:07Oh, listen, right here. That's right.
00:11:09Now, if you'll just get... That's it.
00:11:11Just go right around there and get your seat.
00:11:13And get your food. You got... That's it.
00:11:15Now, sit down, will you, Pop?
00:11:17Pop!
00:11:19And if you'll go right up there. Right there.
00:11:21And sit right there. That's it.
00:11:23No, no, no! Over on this side.
00:11:25Now, you sit right over there. That's right.
00:11:27Oh, no, no. Over here, please.
00:11:29And if you'll sit right there. That's right.
00:11:31No. No, not you. The other one. That's right.
00:11:33And you sit right there.
00:11:35You go over there, please. And then you sit right there.
00:11:37I'll have just a moment, now. And you sit right there.
00:11:40And you right here, little lady. That's right.
00:11:42Now, if you'll come...
00:11:46Stop.
00:11:47Everyone, sit down right where you are.
00:11:55Agnes, will you please serve this salad without any dressing?
00:12:06What kind of a joint is this?
00:12:08What's the matter?
00:12:10He wants me to serve the salad undressed.
00:12:12Well, if he wants the salad undressed, that's the way he'll have it.
00:12:16Go get the salad.
00:12:46What?
00:12:47Oh!
00:12:48Oh!
00:12:49Oh!
00:12:51Look out!
00:12:52Ciao!
00:12:54What's the matter with Mr. Bandit?
00:13:18Oh, my God.
00:13:25Oh, my God.
00:13:28Oh, my God.
00:13:33Oh, my God.
00:13:38Why, you...
00:13:41Come on, sit.
00:13:46Oh, my God.
00:13:50Oh, my God.
00:13:52I'm sorry.
00:13:53I didn't mean it.
00:13:54I told you.
00:13:55I'm sorry, I told you.
00:13:56I didn't have my glasses on.
00:13:57Why don't you be careful?
00:13:59You almost blew my brains out.
00:14:16Oh, my God.
00:14:25Oh, my God.
00:14:28Oh, my God.
00:14:32Oh, my God.
00:14:34All right.
00:14:36Hey, love me a broom.
00:15:06Ow!
00:15:36Oh, my God.
00:16:06well here we are at last right down in the gutter i wonder what's the matter with us
00:16:27we're just as good as other people yet we don't seem to advance ourselves we never get any place
00:16:32you know what the trouble is don't you we've never had no education that's what's the matter you see
00:16:39we're not illiterate enough i guess you're right sure i'm right you see if we went to school like
00:16:45other people we we would learn our three r's and today there'd be no job too small for us
00:16:51believe me what do you mean three r's well reading writing and
00:16:57and figurine figurine sure you know two and two make something and four and four make something
00:17:07it's different to the first you mean arithmetic yeah i knew what it meant but i couldn't say it
00:17:13so say i think you've got something there have i yeah after we finish work today we'll start going
00:17:19to night school that's a good idea too bad we didn't think of that before yeah
00:17:25thanks
00:17:34thanks
00:17:48thanks
00:17:54thanks
00:18:00thanks
00:18:17thanks
00:18:21thanks
00:18:27thanks
00:18:29thanks
00:18:37thanks
00:18:41thanks
00:18:45thanks
00:18:53thanks
00:18:55you
00:18:57I want to thank you, officers, for your quick action.
00:19:09Don't thank us.
00:19:11Those are the boys that made the capture.
00:19:16My boys, you've done a service for me that I can never forget.
00:19:20You've saved me hundreds of thousands of dollars.
00:19:23What can I do to repay you?
00:19:24I don't know, sir.
00:19:25Maybe I can give you some work to do in the bank.
00:19:27Well, that's very kind of you, sir, but I'm afraid we wouldn't be of much help to you.
00:19:31You see, we haven't got any education, have we, Stanley?
00:19:34No, we don't know a thing, do we?
00:19:36That's right.
00:19:37In fact, we were just talking of going to night school.
00:19:40I see.
00:19:42Diamonds in the rough.
00:19:43And all you need is a little polish with the proper setting.
00:19:47If it's an education you want, you shall have the finest that money can buy.
00:19:51What do you think?
00:19:54What do you think?
00:19:54Well, it'll save us the trouble of going to night school.
00:19:58It's a go.
00:19:58Uh!
00:20:19Oh.
00:20:20Oh.
00:20:20Let's go.
00:20:50Do you see what I see?
00:21:02What is it?
00:21:13I think they're entitled to the royal initiation, don't you?
00:21:16By all means.
00:21:18Now listen.
00:21:18You round up the boys.
00:21:20We all have a lot of fun.
00:21:22I'll start them off in the maze.
00:21:25So this is Oxford.
00:21:27Yes, sir.
00:21:27I think we're going to like it here.
00:21:29Pardon me, but haven't you come to the wrong college?
00:21:32Well, this is Oxford, isn't it?
00:21:33Yes, but you're dressed for eating.
00:21:36Well, that's swell.
00:21:36We haven't eaten since breakfast, have we?
00:21:38Haven't eaten since breakfast.
00:21:40It's your idea of us being dressed like this.
00:21:42No wonder everyone's staring at us.
00:21:44Well, gentlemen, if I can be of any help to you at all, I'm entirely at your service.
00:21:48No, thank you very much.
00:21:49I wonder if you could tell us where to find the head teacher.
00:21:52Oh, you mean the dean.
00:21:53Why, it'd be a pleasure to escort you there myself.
00:21:56Oh, by the way, have you a pass?
00:21:59A pass?
00:22:00Yes, you must have a pass to see the dean.
00:22:02Well, where do we get it?
00:22:03From the pass, professor.
00:22:05Well, where do we find it?
00:22:06Well, now, you see that entrance to the hedge over there?
00:22:09Yeah.
00:22:10Well, now, when you enter there, you go to the right, then to the left, then to the right
00:22:14again, and then to the right again.
00:22:16Then after you've been to the right, you keep going right until you come to the left turn
00:22:20again.
00:22:21Then you go right again until you find yourself left on the right side.
00:22:25Oh, I know it sounds a bit complicated.
00:22:27But if you keep to the right, you simply can't go wrong.
00:22:30Oh, thank you.
00:22:31Now then, when you come to the exit on the other side of the hedge, you'll see a sign
00:22:36with a hand pointing to the professor's lodge.
00:22:38Is that to the right or to the left?
00:22:40My dear old thing, it makes no difference.
00:22:43Now, let me get this straight.
00:22:45We go to the left when we're after the...
00:22:47I have the directions, Stanley.
00:22:49Clearly in my mind.
00:22:52Thank you very much.
00:22:54Yeah.
00:22:54Goodbye.
00:22:55Jerry-O, I'll be waiting for you.
00:22:56Goodbye.
00:22:57Goodbye.
00:22:57Goodbye.
00:22:58Goodbye.
00:22:58Goodbye.
00:23:01Goodbye.
00:23:02Well, cheerio.
00:23:03Toodle-oo.
00:23:12Gee, he sure is a swell guy, isn't he?
00:23:14He certainly is.
00:23:15I knew it the minute I set eyes on him.
00:23:17Dead?
00:23:18Yeah.
00:23:18That's one thing I pride myself on, is reading character.
00:23:22Is that so?
00:23:22Yeah.
00:23:23No, no, no.
00:23:43To your left.
00:23:47Now to your right.
00:23:48Left.
00:23:48Left.
00:23:49Now to the right.
00:23:49Now to the right.
00:23:50Now to the right.
00:23:51Wait a minute.
00:23:55To the left.
00:24:07Now to the right.
00:24:13Wait a minute.
00:24:15All we're doing is going around in cycles.
00:24:22You know what?
00:24:23I think we must have taken the wrong turning.
00:24:26What do you mean the wrong turning?
00:24:28Well, maybe we went to the left instead of to the right.
00:24:31Remember the fellow said, first you turn to the right.
00:24:34All right, all right.
00:24:36Now you go to the left and I'll go to the right.
00:24:38And whoever finds the exit first comes back and gets the other one.
00:24:42That's a good idea.
00:24:44Now we're getting someplace.
00:24:49Say, what are we going to do about the trunk?
00:24:51Think we'd better leave it here?
00:24:52Why, certainly not.
00:24:53We may never be able to find it again.
00:24:55Well, I can't carry it.
00:24:56It's too heavy.
00:24:58All right.
00:24:59I suppose it's up to me as usual.
00:25:01Well, I'm not as big as you are.
00:25:02Get it on my back.
00:25:03Well, I'll do it all I can to help you.
00:25:08All right.
00:25:09Slide it up.
00:25:13Take it easy.
00:25:14You got it all right?
00:25:15It'll be all right as soon as I get a grip on it.
00:25:17You want a grip on it?
00:25:18Yeah.
00:25:19There we are now.
00:25:20Now, help me up.
00:25:21Now, up's a date.
00:25:22All right.
00:25:23There we are.
00:25:24Now, don't forget to holler.
00:25:25I won't.
00:25:26Bye.
00:25:27Goodbye.
00:25:28You all right now?
00:25:29Goodbye.
00:25:30Goodbye.
00:25:31Goodbye.
00:25:32Goodbye.
00:25:33Goodbye.
00:25:34You all right now?
00:25:35Goodbye.
00:25:36Goodbye.
00:25:37Goodbye.
00:25:38Goodbye.
00:25:39Goodbye.
00:25:40Goodbye.
00:25:41Goodbye.
00:25:42Goodbye.
00:25:43Now, don't forget to holler.
00:25:44I won't.
00:25:45Goodbye.
00:25:46Goodbye.
00:25:47You all right now?
00:25:48Goodbye.
00:25:49Goodbye.
00:25:50Goodbye.
00:25:51Goodbye.
00:26:08Oh, Olly.
00:26:35Where are you?
00:26:36I'm here. Where are you?
00:26:38I'm here.
00:26:39How can you be here if I'm here?
00:26:41Well, Stan, I'm exactly where you...
00:26:43Will you come and find me?
00:26:44Well, I will as soon as I can find myself.
00:26:47What do you think I am?
00:26:48Can't be in two places at once.
00:26:50Wait.
00:26:53Here we are.
00:26:54Will you show me the exit?
00:26:56Here it is.
00:26:56Oh, swell. Now get me out of here.
00:26:58All right. You follow me. We'll take the shortcut.
00:27:00All right.
00:27:01Right this way.
00:27:02All right.
00:27:02Now, don't lose me.
00:27:03I won't.
00:27:06Hey. Just a minute.
00:27:25What did you do with the suitcases?
00:27:27I put them on top of the trunk.
00:27:28If I had been carrying these all the time, get this off of my back.
00:27:41Let's rest a while. I'm tired.
00:27:43I am too.
00:27:44I am too.
00:27:46Oh.
00:27:46Oh.
00:27:48Oh.
00:27:49Oh.
00:28:05Oh.
00:28:06Oh.
00:28:07Come on
00:28:30Come on
00:28:37Give me my handkerchief.
00:29:03Thank you, Ollie.
00:29:07Will you leave that alone?
00:29:11I thought you just gave it to me.
00:29:33Now, cut that out.
00:29:37Don't forget to go, Ollie.
00:29:40I'll make it to you.
00:29:45I'll make it to you.
00:29:49You're welcome.
00:29:50I'll make it to you.
00:29:51I'll make it to you.
00:29:52I'm sorry, Ollie.
00:29:53I'll make it to you.
00:29:53Oh, my God.
00:30:23What's the matter now I just saw three hands sit down you're crazy you've been going around in
00:30:49cycles all day and you're dizzy is that what it is why sadly you just had a dizzy spell
00:30:56now let me get some rest will you
00:31:04never had one of those before
00:31:19the
00:31:21the
00:31:23the
00:31:25the
00:31:29the
00:31:31the
00:31:35the
00:31:37the
00:31:39Oh, my God.
00:32:09Hey, Ollie, I don't want to bother you, but I just had another one of those dizzy spells.
00:32:21Oh, no wonder.
00:32:23Smoking those big black cigars, they're too strong for you.
00:32:26Tell what it...
00:32:26Certainly.
00:32:39Oh, no wonder.
00:33:09Did you see that?
00:33:12Sure, it's one of those dizzy spells again.
00:33:14That wasn't no dizzy spell.
00:33:16Go see what it was.
00:33:18I don't want to see what it was.
00:33:19Go see what it was and don't argue.
00:33:21Hurry up.
00:33:22I'll wait right here for you.
00:33:23I'll wait.
00:33:39No, nobody there. Just one of those dizzy spells again.
00:33:52Even you look different.
00:33:54Stan! Oh, Stan!
00:33:56What?
00:33:57Come on!
00:33:58Okay, I'll...
00:34:04Don't leave me!
00:34:05Just give me your hand!
00:34:09Mother!
00:34:12No, no!
00:34:14Oh, no!
00:34:15Oh, no!
00:34:17You're good!
00:34:19You're good!
00:34:24Oh, no!
00:34:25Now, can you beat that?
00:34:29Welcome to Oxford.
00:34:35Oh, no!
00:34:38You know what?
00:34:40What?
00:34:41I think that fellow that sent us in here
00:34:43made a fool out of you.
00:34:45Yes, and if I ever see him again,
00:34:47I'll punch him right in the nose.
00:34:49I don't blame you.
00:34:51Say, I thought you said you could re-character.
00:34:54I can, but he was two-faced.
00:34:56Oh.
00:34:58You know, I'll never trust anybody again
00:35:00as long as I live.
00:35:02That's a good idea.
00:35:04Bring them across to Johnson's place.
00:35:06The boys have everything arranged.
00:35:08Right-o.
00:35:10Well...
00:35:12How do I look?
00:35:14Marvellous.
00:35:15Much better than the old dean himself.
00:35:17Do you think he'll ever recognise me with this?
00:35:19Never in a month of Sundays.
00:35:21Hurry, fellas.
00:35:23Here comes Cecil with the chumps.
00:35:25Uh-oh. Bring him in.
00:35:27Here we are.
00:35:33This way, please.
00:35:35Dean, may I present the two new boys from America?
00:35:39This is Dr. Ramsbottom,
00:35:41the dean of our university.
00:35:43Pleased to meet you, Mr. Dean.
00:35:45Charmed, I'm sure.
00:35:47Meet Professor Pushhaveney.
00:35:49Dr. Pigsfoot.
00:35:51And his brother, Trotter.
00:35:53Well, dear old things.
00:35:55Heartiest congratulations on all that sort of thing
00:35:57on your entrance into dear old Oxford.
00:35:59I hope that our association will be a happy union.
00:36:01And we wish to show our hospitality
00:36:03true to the traditions of our college
00:36:05by giving you a most hearty and royal greeting.
00:36:19Charry-o, I don't think.
00:36:21Thank you very much.
00:36:22Now, is everything in readiness
00:36:24to escort these gentlemen to their quarters?
00:36:27Everything.
00:36:28Then, carry on.
00:36:30For he's a jolly good fellow,
00:36:32for he's a jolly good fellow,
00:36:34for he's a jolly good fellow,
00:36:36for he's a jolly good fellow,
00:36:38and so is all of us.
00:36:40I shall be quite some time at the lecture, Jenkins.
00:36:42You may take the afternoon off.
00:36:44Thank you, sir.
00:36:46Goodbye, sir.
00:36:47to trailers.
00:36:49I a hooked bow-p verse.
00:36:50I've seen him though.
00:36:52He got insults,
00:36:53and you bet he seemed to enjoy myself.
00:36:55But I hung in the middle of the ใฏ,
00:36:56and you know how thatะธัะฐ,
00:36:57and I say me,
00:36:58he then got to๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ them up toืื.
00:37:00And I'll have good NICK song with this ending.
00:37:03I had no idea of destroying everyone.
00:37:05And I'll have a facilitation story.
00:37:08Now I'll have a troupe catering andhurst
00:37:10every time I can do that.
00:37:12On the floor, we have no idea of this and many years
00:37:15Well, gentlemen, these are your quarters.
00:37:21Now, don't be afraid to make yourselves at home.
00:37:24Now, ta-ta! Skip the gutter.
00:37:26And good luck, we don't think.
00:37:33Say, that Dean's a swell guy, ain't he?
00:37:36Now, there's a man that you can trust.
00:37:38He sure is. Gee, this is a swell joint, I don't think.
00:37:42It's a pit. Lovely.
00:37:45No wonder people go to school.
00:37:47Nice place to live in like this.
00:37:49No flies and nothing.
00:37:52I wonder how long this place has been open.
00:37:55I wonder.
00:37:56You'd think they would advertise this college
00:37:58and let people know that it was on the map.
00:38:00Say, do you know what?
00:38:02What?
00:38:03We didn't have any sleep last night.
00:38:05That's right.
00:38:06In this excitement, I completely forgot it.
00:38:08I'll tell you what let's do.
00:38:10Let's unpack the trunk and make ourselves at home.
00:38:12That's a good idea.
00:38:15Well, I wonder what you do as it's going to be,
00:38:17I'll tell you, I'll tell you what I do.
00:38:19Well, I'll tell you I'll tell you what I have to do.
00:38:21And we've done this deep change.
00:38:22Well, it's in this way.
00:38:23I'll tell you what he wants more to talk about.
00:38:25I'll tell you what you're told...
00:38:26I don't know.
00:38:27I don't know what I do.
00:38:28Is it tough?
00:38:29You should see it.
00:38:30I'll tell you.
00:38:31Boy, is this the life.
00:38:40These English colleges certainly give you the wakes.
00:38:42Don't they, though?
00:38:43You should see what they've done to the dean's bedroom.
00:38:46Fix me another snort.
00:38:48Hey, fellows, Katie.
00:38:51Here comes the dean.
00:38:52The dean?
00:38:54No, no, no, we can't get out here.
00:38:56He's coming down the hall.
00:38:57What should he do?
00:38:58He should be...
00:38:59Did you hear that?
00:39:13Sure, what is it?
00:39:15I don't know.
00:39:16Go see.
00:39:16Nobody there.
00:39:42It couldn't have been somebody.
00:39:43How about 40 winks?
00:39:45That's a good idea.
00:39:55Say, Ollie.
00:39:56What now?
00:39:58How about a nightcap?
00:40:00Well, just one.
00:40:04There's no fish water.
00:40:06Well, get some.
00:40:07There's no fish water.
00:40:13You...
00:40:13Let's go.
00:40:43There's no more nightcap.
00:40:54Well, now, what would you do in a case like that?
00:41:05Go and get some.
00:41:07Certainly.
00:41:08Sample.
00:41:13I don't think.
00:41:38Ripping.
00:41:46Say, Ollie.
00:41:48What?
00:41:48I wonder who that old buzzard is over there.
00:41:51Oh, probably some old cockroach that had this room before we did.
00:41:55Get a load of that puss.
00:41:57Say, did you ever see a face like that anywhere except in a zoo?
00:42:01Sure.
00:42:02Where?
00:42:02In a monkey house.
00:42:05I never thought of that.
00:42:08Monkey house.
00:42:10Give me some more fizz water.
00:42:16Say, I bet your nickel I can hit him in the eye.
00:42:19Bet you can.
00:42:20Bet you.
00:42:20All right.
00:42:21You missed.
00:42:26Give me the bottle.
00:42:29Dime or nothing.
00:42:30All right.
00:42:31I'll give you a chance to get even.
00:42:32All right.
00:42:33Now.
00:42:33What are you doing in my quarters?
00:42:49You've got a lot of nerve.
00:42:51What do you mean your quarters?
00:42:53They're our quarters.
00:42:54The dean, just give them to us.
00:42:56I am the dean.
00:42:57Read his character.
00:42:58I just did.
00:42:59He's a phony.
00:43:00It's another rib.
00:43:01Sure, he's got ribs all over his face.
00:43:03See them?
00:43:05Get out of my quarters, I tell you.
00:43:07You know what the trouble is?
00:43:08He's got one of those dizzy spells.
00:43:10Yeah.
00:43:10He's a dizzy dean.
00:43:12Sure, that's what he is.
00:43:13Now, come on, Dizzy.
00:43:14Get out of here before I throw you out.
00:43:16Yeah, and that goes for me, too, Diz.
00:43:18You can't.
00:43:19This is an outrage.
00:43:20I shall have you sent down.
00:43:21I'll have you prosecuted.
00:43:23No!
00:43:24There's her.
00:43:25Oh.
00:43:26And as for you, you'll suffer for this.
00:43:29That's a lot of baloney.
00:43:31There's her.
00:43:33See here.
00:43:34Up all the comfortable people.
00:43:35Come on, get out of here, and we'll...
00:43:36How dare you!
00:43:38Who's this guy?
00:43:38I'll tell him all about it.
00:43:43I shall speak to myself.
00:43:47Jenkins.
00:43:47Come on, get out of here.
00:43:48We've had enough politics at last year.
00:43:50Get out!
00:43:51No one.
00:43:51Let's take out of here.
00:43:53Who do you think?
00:43:54What is the meaning of this?
00:44:02You'll find out.
00:44:04Hey, Dini, tell this nitwit to get out of here and stop bothering us.
00:44:07Yeah, he's trying to crash in on our party, isn't he?
00:44:09What is this all about?
00:44:11Hey, Dini, tell him.
00:44:13Dini, I reiterate, I am the Dini.
00:44:15Ah, don't give us that.
00:44:17He told us he was the dean, and he gave us these quarters.
00:44:20Didn't he stand there?
00:44:21He certainly did, didn't you?
00:44:23Is this true, Johnson?
00:44:27Yes, sir.
00:44:27See?
00:44:28Now, don't you feel silly?
00:44:29Yeah, get out of here now.
00:44:30Silence!
00:44:31You shall be expelled.
00:44:33Sent down for this, my lad.
00:44:34All of you.
00:44:35This is the most disgraceful outrage ever perpetrated in the history of Oxford.
00:44:39Report to me in the morning.
00:44:40You may go, snitchers.
00:44:46Jenkins.
00:44:46Yes, sir.
00:44:47Help them to pack their things and see if they're taken to their proper quarters.
00:44:50Very good, sir.
00:44:51Sounds all.
00:45:04What will the pay to say when he hears I'm to be expelled?
00:45:07Don't worry.
00:45:08We'll see they're not here tomorrow to testify against us.
00:45:11Snitchers like that have no place in Oxford.
00:45:14You're right.
00:45:15The dirty dogs.
00:45:16That's one thing we won't tolerate in Oxford.
00:45:19Snitching.
00:45:20Right.
00:45:20Just show them.
00:45:21Come on, let's go against my...
00:45:22Do something about them.
00:45:23You think fraud's not...
00:45:24You are, gentlemen.
00:45:25These are your quarters.
00:45:31Meredith the Valley will be here shortly to attend to your needs.
00:45:35Good afternoon, gentlemen.
00:45:36Good afternoon.
00:45:36Well, so far, so good.
00:45:41Can you beat that?
00:45:42What?
00:45:42Look.
00:45:43We're only that far from home.
00:45:46It says I...
00:45:46Come in.
00:45:50How do you do, gentlemen?
00:45:51I'm Meredith.
00:45:52I'm Mr. Hardy.
00:45:54This is my friend, Mr. Lawrence.
00:45:55How do you do, Mr. Hardy?
00:45:56How do you do, Mr. Lawrence?
00:45:59Your lordship.
00:46:01Don't you remember me, sir?
00:46:03I'm Meredith.
00:46:04Don't you recall I used to take care of you, sir?
00:46:07Look out another river.
00:46:09Say, that's a lot of hooey.
00:46:10You never saw him before in your life.
00:46:12No, and I never saw you either.
00:46:14Oh, pardon me.
00:46:16I understand your lordship, why you don't recognize me.
00:46:19Oh, it's a pity.
00:46:21It's a pity.
00:46:22What's a pity?
00:46:23Oh, it's a sad story, sir.
00:46:25It was a great blow to Oxford.
00:46:27You see, it's like this, sir.
00:46:29When his lordship was here before, he was the greatest athlete and the greatest scholar this university ever boasted of.
00:46:35And, oh, what a brilliant mind.
00:46:40Are you trying to make me believe that this is the guy you're talking about?
00:46:44I know it.
00:46:46I was never so sure in my life.
00:46:49Brilliant mind.
00:46:54Well, I've known him for years, and he's the dumbest guy I ever saw.
00:46:59Aren't you, Stanley?
00:47:00I certainly am.
00:47:02That's why I'm here.
00:47:03Oh, pardon me, sir.
00:47:04You don't understand.
00:47:06I can recall your accident most vividly.
00:47:09What accident?
00:47:10It happened in this very room.
00:47:12It was right here, at this very window.
00:47:15Your lordship had just defeated Cambridge, and you were standing there acknowledging the plauders of the entire student body.
00:47:21And just as I came in with your tea and crumpets, the window slipped, and itch you on the head is odds of every hammer.
00:47:28And when you came to, you'd lost your memory and wandered away from the university.
00:47:34And we never saw or heard of you from that day to this.
00:47:38Pardon me for being frank, but I think that you are screwy.
00:47:42Sure is nuts.
00:47:43He's got bees in his cockpit.
00:47:45That's what's the matter with him.
00:47:46Oh, if I could only bring your memory back.
00:47:48Maybe one of these days, some of your peculiar mannerisms may show up.
00:47:53What mannerism?
00:47:54Your lordship had a most outstanding one.
00:47:57Did I?
00:47:58And when you got very angry, you'd wiggle your ears in a most extraordinary manner.
00:48:03And you'd fight like a demon.
00:48:09Fight like a demon.
00:48:11Wiggle your ears.
00:48:12What?
00:48:12Wiggle your ears.
00:48:14I can't wiggle my ears.
00:48:21Of course you can.
00:48:22Of course I can.
00:48:22Now stop this kidding, and we don't want to hear any more about it.
00:48:25No more about it.
00:48:25Pretty good, sir.
00:48:27Don't want to hear it.
00:48:28Say, why don't you read his character?
00:48:29Maybe he's right.
00:48:31Maybe I am a lordship.
00:48:33You a lordship.
00:48:36And we're only this far from home.
00:48:38Well, I knew a fellow once that lost his memory, and he's better now.
00:48:44You see...
00:48:45Fee, fie, foe, thumb.
00:48:52We want the blood of an arrogant.
00:48:57Be he alive.
00:48:58What's that?
00:48:59I don't know.
00:49:00We'll crush his bones to make our bread.
00:49:04Fee, fie, foe, thumb.
00:49:08We'll beat those Yankees like...
00:49:11I wonder what this is all about.
00:49:13That's the student's charm to revenge, sir.
00:49:15Evidently, some gentleman has violated the ethics of the student body.
00:49:19And when that happens, they're never satisfied until they've hounded the guilty one out of Oxford.
00:49:25We'll cut their throats and take out their thumb.
00:49:29We'll chew them up like chewing gum.
00:49:34Fee, fie, foe, thumb.
00:49:36Look, they're pointing at us.
00:49:38Don't worry.
00:49:39It's another rib.
00:49:40Oh, no, sir.
00:49:41They never jest in a case like this.
00:49:43Send them back where they came from.
00:49:46Fee, fie, foe, thumb.
00:49:51Listen, chaps.
00:49:52We'll go up and make them jump out of the window.
00:49:54If they won't jump, we'll take off their britches and throw them out.
00:49:57Here, cut the blanket, chaps.
00:49:59They mean us all right.
00:50:05What are we going to do?
00:50:06We'd better get out of here.
00:50:07If we want the blood of an American, be he all right or be he dead.
00:50:15Where can we hide?
00:50:17Climb out the window so long it relates them to the next study and make your escape from there.
00:50:24Say, Ollie, what have we got to do about the trunk?
00:50:26Never mind the trunk.
00:50:27Good gracious, Meredith.
00:50:39Why don't you fix that window?
00:50:41Hit me right on the cranium.
00:50:42Your lordship.
00:50:44You've got your memory back.
00:50:46You know me.
00:50:47What on earth are you talking about?
00:50:48Of course I know you.
00:50:49Where's my tea and crampus?
00:50:50Hurry.
00:50:51Oh, it's a miracle.
00:50:53A miracle.
00:50:54Are you barmy?
00:50:55See who that is.
00:50:58Stop annoying me.
00:50:59Yes, my lord.
00:51:00Must be losing his memory.
00:51:02Silly old boundar.
00:51:03There's one of them.
00:51:05What is the meaning of this vulgar intrusion?
00:51:08You know what we mean.
00:51:09We're going to take off your britches and run you out of Oxford.
00:51:12What?
00:51:13Take off my britches?
00:51:14In the presence of Meredith?
00:51:16Yes, you dirty snitcher.
00:51:19Repeat that remark again.
00:51:21Dirty snitchers!
00:51:25Merrilleth?
00:51:30Hold my handkerchief.
00:51:31Yes, my lord.
00:51:32Now, I demand an immediate apology.
00:51:35An apology!
00:51:36I'll give you an apology for you!
00:51:38Hey!
00:51:51Hey!
00:52:02Hey!
00:52:03Hey!
00:52:05Hey!
00:52:06Hey!
00:52:08Hey!
00:52:09Hey!
00:52:10Oh!
00:52:14Petit!
00:52:15Petit!
00:52:25Oh!
00:52:27Oh!
00:52:28Oh!
00:52:36Oh!
00:52:49Wonderful, Your Lordship, wonderful.
00:52:51Right back to your old form again.
00:52:54It may all good to see you carry on.
00:52:57Getting off with it across them.
00:52:59Don't annoy me, Meredith.
00:53:00Get this place cleaned up and hurry with my tea and crumpets.
00:53:03Oh, very good.
00:53:04I'm starved, really.
00:53:06What's the big idea of throwing me out the window?
00:53:09I beg your pardon?
00:53:10Meredith, who is this coarse person with the foreign accent?
00:53:14Why, you little shrimp.
00:53:16Are you trying to rip me now?
00:53:18Be careful, sir, be careful.
00:53:19His Lordship's regained his memory.
00:53:21Don't annoy him, sir.
00:53:23Or he may again become violent.
00:53:26It's on the level, then.
00:53:28Yes, sir.
00:53:29Well, congratulations.
00:53:31I'm sorry, but we've never been introduced.
00:53:34Meredith, will you kindly officiate?
00:53:37Mr. Hardy, meet Lord Paddington.
00:53:41How do?
00:53:42What is the nature of your business here?
00:53:45Why, Stan, don't you know me?
00:53:49Know you?
00:53:50Why, I never saw you before in all my life.
00:53:52What are you talking about?
00:53:54Don't you remember?
00:53:55We used to sweep the streets together.
00:53:57Sweep the streets?
00:53:58How dare you?
00:53:59How dare you make such slurring remarks?
00:54:02Meredith, show this common person the egress,
00:54:05and eject him possibly.
00:54:07This way, sir.
00:54:08Oh, wait a minute.
00:54:09I don't know what you're talking about,
00:54:11but this is gone far enough.
00:54:12I'm gonna mop the floor up with you.
00:54:15Have a care.
00:54:17You sure?
00:54:18No.
00:54:19Wiggling your ears ain't gonna stop me
00:54:22Wiggling your ears ain't gonna stop me!
00:54:26Woah!
00:54:27Woah!
00:54:28I sm
00:54:38THE END
00:55:08The Dean wishes to speak with you, Your Lordship.
00:55:23Oh, come right in. Come right in. You may remain here, Fatty. Good morning, good morning. Would you care to join me in a spot of tea?
00:55:31No, thanks. Not only for me, thanks. Don't stand there like a dummy. Get a chair for the Dean. Pardon my valet being so horribly stupid. He's not quite broken in yet. Rather thick, as it were.
00:55:42Why do you tolerate him?
00:55:43Oh, I don't know. He's got a jolly old face, you know. Breaks the monotony and helps to fill up the room. And besides, he's something to talk to. You understand?
00:55:54I quite understand, Your Lordship.
00:55:56Well, a thousand congratulations for all the wonderful things you've accomplished since your return to Oxford.
00:56:02Oh, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
00:56:05Might I presume to ask you a favor?
00:56:08Why, certainly.
00:56:09Professor Einstein has just arrived from Princeton. And, uh, he's a bit confused about his theory.
00:56:16You don't say.
00:56:17He wondered if you could, uh, straighten him out.
00:56:20It would be a pleasure.
00:56:22When could you give him a few moments?
00:56:24Uh, let me see, uh, oh, Fatty, uh, hand me my memorandum.
00:56:30Let me see now, uh, Monday till Tuesday, and, uh, suppose we'll make it Ash Wednesday.
00:56:41Oh, thank you, Your Lordship. The professor will be so very grateful to you.
00:56:45That's perfectly all right.
00:56:47Uh, incidentally, you may invite him to have lunch with me.
00:56:50Oh.
00:56:50Uh, I'm having pancakes.
00:56:51Oh, thank you, Your Lordship. Thank you.
00:56:54Thank you, Fatty.
00:57:00Good gracious, Fatty. What is this? Senna tea?
00:57:04Take this stuff away immediately.
00:57:07Don't let it occur again.
00:57:09My goodness.
00:57:11Hmm.
00:57:12Einstein.
00:57:13If it wasn't for that bump on the head, he would know Einstein from a beer stein.
00:57:17Uh, by the way, uh, Fatty.
00:57:20I've noticed lately that, uh, you're getting terribly sloven.
00:57:24How do you mean, sir?
00:57:25Well, uh, you don't seem to have the dignity of becoming of a lackey.
00:57:30Uh, no poise.
00:57:32Uh, you don't walk right or something, uh, let me see.
00:57:36Uh, pull in your stomach.
00:57:40That's better now.
00:57:41Now, throw, throw your shoulders back.
00:57:44That's right.
00:57:44Now, uh, chin up.
00:57:46Chin up.
00:57:46No, no, no, no.
00:57:47Both of them.
00:57:48Both.
00:57:48There, that's better now.
00:57:55Now, now walk around.
00:57:56Let me see you.
00:57:57Now, uh, snap into it.
00:57:58Uh, make it brisker.
00:58:00Brisker.
00:58:01Now, chins up.
00:58:02Chin...
00:58:02Now, look what you've done, clumsy.
00:58:06Listen, I've had enough of this.
00:58:11Why, I knew you and I had more brains in my little finger than you had in your whole carcass.
00:58:16Even with your overcoat on.
00:58:17You're a witty old stick in the knot, aren't you, Fatty?
00:58:20You bet I am.
00:58:21And don't call me Fatty.
00:58:22Now, don't get excited, old dear.
00:58:23Who's excited?
00:58:25I'm through.
00:58:25You can take your lordships, your Rocksford, and your Paddingtons, and do what you like with them.
00:58:31Why, I've surprised many.
00:58:32I've never been so humiliated, you all heard of it.
00:58:34I'm still trying to help you out, really, old dear.
00:58:35No thing is intentional, really.
00:58:37And there's one more thing, too.
00:58:39I didn't like that double chin crack.
00:58:41Well, that's a hero, well.
00:58:44My goodness, what a tough eye.
00:58:46Open.
00:58:50Have you ever heard of it, Hammerswick?
00:58:52Which nobody does deny.
00:58:54I'm not so humiliated and embarrassed in all my life.
00:58:57I'm going to get my clothes and get out of there and catch the first boat back.
00:59:00And so did it on every hand.
00:59:01And another thing.
00:59:03Then, by no more, get another boy.
00:59:05Goodbye.
00:59:08Hey, Ollie.
00:59:09What?
00:59:10Where are you going?
00:59:11Back to America for me.
00:59:14Hey, Ollie.
00:59:16Ollie.
00:59:18What are you going to tell me?
00:59:20Stan, you know me.
00:59:22Well, of course I know you.
00:59:23What's the matter?
00:59:24Have you got one of those dishes?
00:59:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
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