- vor 6 Tagen
Kategorie
😹
SpaßTranskript
00:30Thank you. Welcome. My name is Greg Davis.
00:42Who doesn't like to see things doing things that they shouldn't be doing?
00:46A penguin on a bike? Hilarious.
00:48A dog surfing on a big wave? So funny.
00:51A child? Hammered on ten pints of Stella? What a laugh.
00:54What about non-comedians coming on a show designed for comedians, though?
00:58Is that funny? Is it? Look at me. Will that be funny?
01:01What do you know, sitting there on your sofa?
01:03It's New Year's treat time, and we're about to find out.
01:06So now, for the first of not one, but two New Year's treats,
01:11please welcome...
01:12Big Zil!
01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:15The Old Star!
01:17Stan Ryder!
01:19Susie Dad!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:23And next to me, a man who tells me that when his band is on tour,
01:31he doesn't like going up to the northern cities
01:33because the people don't eat vegetables, so their teeth are loose.
01:37LAUGHTER
01:39Little Alex Horne!
01:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44Not just Little Alex Horne anymore,
01:46Little Alex Horne has got an OBE.
01:49Oh!
01:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:52You haven't, though, have you?
01:53OBE? No, I've got an O-B-O-E.
01:55I've got an O-B-O-E.
01:56You've got an O-B-O-E.
01:57LAUGHTER
01:58Do you want me to play you a tune?
02:00Yes.
02:01You might want to hold that thing on the...
02:03Just... You want me to hold this?
02:04Shhh! Don't let them see.
02:07LAUGHTER
02:08Here we go.
02:10BUZZER
02:12Pull! Pull!
02:13Pull!
02:14BUZZER
02:16Harder!
02:17Ooh!
02:19LAUGHTER
02:21APPLAUSE
02:23APPLAUSE
02:25APPLAUSE
02:27Right, prize task time.
02:29What's the category, Alex?
02:31Yes.
02:32Well, Greg, it involves alliteration and violence,
02:36because you've asked him to bring in
02:37the most wonderful thing to whack.
02:40LAUGHTER
02:41Five points for the most wonderful thing to whack
02:43and five wacky prizes for the wonderful winner of episode one.
02:46Thank you, Greg, and thank you to the fans at home.
02:49LAUGHTER
02:52Welcome, Big Sue.
02:53Have you brought a good thing to whack?
02:55I've been doing a bit of boxing.
02:56Ah.
02:57So, I've got a dummy that's got the face of Alex on it.
03:01Jessie has.
03:02Oh, this is strong.
03:03There it is, Greg.
03:04Shall I look at it?
03:05LAUGHTER
03:06APPLAUSE
03:11That is a strong start.
03:12Who's next?
03:13Hello, Jill. You all right?
03:14What have you brought to whack?
03:15So, it's something that you would really whack with.
03:19So, this is, erm, my pillow, basically.
03:22This is Jill's pillow, the Jillo.
03:24LAUGHTER
03:26It's Roy Keane.
03:27Obviously, if he was going to whack you, you'd be really scared.
03:30I'd be frightened.
03:31Yeah.
03:32I'd be frightened just to be in the same room as the man.
03:33Yeah.
03:34I tried to kind of be like him when I played football in midfield,
03:37hence why I got a lot of red cards.
03:39You've taken the edge off him with his centre outfit, though,
03:41haven't you?
03:42LAUGHTER
03:43Yeah.
03:44It's good.
03:45Yeah.
03:46Yeah, it's strong, lovely stuff.
03:47OK.
03:48All right, Sam.
03:49Hello, mate.
03:50Oh.
03:51Ooh.
03:52It's a nice jacket.
03:53Someone will win that.
03:54Really?
03:55That's just a nice prize.
03:57Well, now I realise it's quite, erm...
04:00I should have done better, I think.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03I did find a dildo in the kick drum, actually,
04:05when we were putting them together.
04:06True story.
04:07We used to stick the dildo right where the beater would hit
04:10at the front, and obviously the drummer can't see it,
04:12but the crowd can through that hole.
04:14And every time you'd hit it, it would wag.
04:16LAUGHTER
04:18I haven't included the dildo today.
04:21Oh.
04:22Shut off.
04:23Shut off.
04:24Suddenly the prize is worthless.
04:26LAUGHTER
04:29Susie.
04:30So I have brought a piñata of Alex's head.
04:35Oh, good.
04:36Because it's a wonderful thing to whack,
04:39and also you have such an amazing brain, Alex,
04:41we all want to know what's in it.
04:43Oh, thank you.
04:45Here is a piñata.
04:46Oh.
04:47LAUGHTER
04:48That is good.
04:49Oh, my God, it's so good.
04:50So this one is filled with chocolate coins,
04:53because, Greg, I know if there's anything you like more than money,
04:56it's money you can eat.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:59My God.
05:00I feel seen.
05:01APPLAUSE
05:03I should have filled it with dildos,
05:05and then...
05:07It's strong, Susie.
05:09It's strong.
05:10Hello, Rose.
05:11What have you brought in, please?
05:12Basically, I brought in a slice of cheese.
05:15Yes, he has a slice of cheese.
05:16LAUGHTER
05:17I know that this looks like I'm not putting in a lot of effort.
05:21It does.
05:22Yes.
05:23But I created a video specially for you
05:26to explain why I think it's so wonderful to whack with.
05:29Yes, this is Rose whacking the cheese.
05:32You're back in the game.
05:46Thank you, thank you.
05:48Right, shall I score it?
05:49Go for it.
05:50I think a drum kit's a wonderful thing to whack,
05:53but I think it's a bit Route 1 wacky.
05:55But I also think it's a lovely drum kit,
05:57so I'm not going to give it one point.
05:59I'm going to give Sam two points.
06:01I want to see Roy Keane whack someone.
06:03I want to see Big Zoo punch you in the face.
06:06I'm giving them three points.
06:08OK.
06:09Four points goes to Susie,
06:10but I'm going to give five points,
06:11because no-one can beat cheese being slapped all over the place.
06:14I'm going to give five points to Rose.
06:15I'm going to give five points to Rose.
06:16That's fine.
06:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:18Let's see them in action properly, shall we?
06:22What's for starters, little Alex Hahn?
06:24Well, this task might make you think
06:26it was inspired by the popular dating app Grindr.
06:28because it involves prodding a bear.
06:31LAUGHTER
06:32Oh, no!
06:33MUSIC PLAYS
06:34MUSIC CONTINUES
06:35MUSIC CONTINUES
06:36MUSIC CONTINUES
06:37MUSIC CONTINUES
06:38MUSIC CONTINUES
06:39MUSIC CONTINUES
06:40MUSIC CONTINUES
06:41MUSIC CONTINUES
06:42MUSIC CONTINUES
06:47Come in, Sam, Ryder.
06:48Hey, mate.
06:49Buzz in for this one.
06:50This room's mad.
06:52It's his room.
06:54Hello.
06:56Enjoying the chair?
06:57Er, this one, yeah.
06:58I do like this one.
06:59Yeah.
07:00It's quite low.
07:01It's making me feel a bit inferior
07:02because you're on a very high stool.
07:04Ooh, that looked pretty.
07:06It's pretty and practical.
07:08Practical?
07:09Mm-hm.
07:11Another day, another letter.
07:13Oh, gosh.
07:14Prod the bear.
07:16Don't that mean just stabbing them?
07:17Well, gently.
07:19Fastest wins, your time...
07:22Pardon?
07:24I don't want to finish it
07:25because every time I say
07:26your time starts now, you...
07:27Oh, you've just said it.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30Is the bear in multiple locations?
07:32You can't tell me.
07:33Is the bear in here?
07:34I don't... I just don't know, Big Zoo.
07:35Oh, come on.
07:37APPLAUSE
07:38Nice.
07:39APPLAUSE
07:41Amazing.
07:42I mean, Sam thinks it's safe
07:43to use the phrase
07:44your time starts now...
07:46LAUGHTER
07:47We're trying to avoid saying
07:50your time starts now.
07:52Fake start.
07:53This bodes badly.
07:54Let's go?
07:55Let's go.
07:56All right.
07:57Well, we begin with two consummate professionals
07:59who, up to this point in their careers,
08:01have been widely admired.
08:02It is Sam Ryder and Jill Scott, MBE.
08:05Oh, I prod a bear.
08:08Um...
08:10Well, if the table was bear,
08:12could I just prod the table being bear?
08:16You think.
08:17I don't feel like that's telling.
08:19I'm looking for a bear.
08:20I'm looking for a bear.
08:21I'm looking for a bear.
08:22Bear in the loo.
08:23I'm looking for a bear.
08:24Any bears in here?
08:26Anybody seen a bear?
08:27Trod.
08:28That's it.
08:29The...
08:33Bear.
08:36It'd be fair.
08:37Greg's like a big bear.
08:38He won't like that.
08:41Well, I'll write it down, but I don't think you're finished.
08:44Oh.
08:45I'll keep looking.
08:46Yeah, you'd think there might be some clues.
08:49Bear.
08:50Not a bear in there.
08:51Not a bear in there.
08:52Not a bear in there.
08:53You've got...
08:54The thing is, there's so much shit in this house.
08:55Pardon?
08:57What is a bear?
08:58Yeah, we've tried to help you.
09:00Is this you helping?
09:01Is this a bear?
09:02I mean, it's a cat, but does it...
09:03It doesn't count, does it?
09:04I shouldn't have to tell you what a bear is.
09:05I see flags.
09:06Ah.
09:07What would the flags mean?
09:08Am I hot or cold?
09:09That's a very good question.
09:10Rabbits.
09:11I'm seeing every single animal apart from a bear.
09:12Have you ever been to Sweden?
09:13Yeah.
09:14What was it like?
09:15It was OK.
09:16What was Norway like?
09:17It was OK.
09:18What was Norway like?
09:19It was not a bear.
09:20It was a bear.
09:21It was a bear.
09:22It was a bear.
09:23It was a bear.
09:24It was a bear.
09:25It was a bear.
09:26It was a bear.
09:27It was a bear.
09:28It was a bear.
09:29It was a bear.
09:31It was nice.
09:32Do you know anything about Greenland?
09:33It's green.
09:36Flags.
09:37They're new.
09:38Oh, yeah.
09:39They're nothing to do with this, are they?
09:40Quite often, we put things around that aren't relevant, yeah.
09:45Oh!
09:46What's that?
09:48It's a World Cup.
09:50Not all about football, Jill.
09:52Salamanders, ducks, hens.
09:55Ever been to the Seychelles?
09:56No.
09:57I've heard it's nicer.
09:58I haven't been in the lab.
09:59I should have gone to the lab, shouldn't I?
10:02Oh, fuck off.
10:05Think like a bear.
10:06Reach for the stars.
10:07Be brave.
10:08The great bear is always watching over you.
10:11It's summing up a bull.
10:13Right.
10:14But there's nothing here.
10:16You must always hold your stick aloft.
10:19Mr Bear will be back in a tick.
10:22Tick, loft, those two are in italics.
10:26You don't have a loft in here.
10:28You're never more than 15 steps from a bear.
10:31One, two, three.
10:33That would be up there.
10:36It's got a little flag on it and there's other flags around the house.
10:39Oh, you bastard!
10:41Oh, you bastard!
10:42Oh, you bastard!
10:43Oh, you bastard!
10:44Oh, you bastard!
10:45Oh, you bastard!
10:46You're shitting myself!
10:48Oh!
10:50Oh, you bastard!
10:51Oh, you bastard!
10:52You're shitting myself!
10:53Oh!
10:55Ah!
11:00Ah!
11:01Ah!
11:03Ah!
11:04Have you followed the bear?
11:05I've followed this!
11:06I'm part of this.
11:08APPLAUSE
11:11OK, I thought Sam seemed very close to breaking this early on.
11:15Throughout that, I wrote down some of his quotes.
11:18There's just so much shit in this place.
11:21You, Jill, different demeanour.
11:23Have you been offered a truffle show yet, Jill?
11:26Some of the reviews that Jill did of countries there.
11:30Sweden, OK.
11:32Norway, nice.
11:33Greenland, green.
11:35Have you been to the Seychelles? No, I've heard it's nice.
11:38Done.
11:39That's it, Jill's world.
11:42Let's see two more.
11:44Well, now it's time for two more people with an MBE.
11:46One loves the OED, the other studied at DYT and UCA.
11:49Also, I have IBS, TMI, I don't know it.
11:52Susie and Rose.
11:55OK, I'm going out.
11:57OK. Nice to see you.
11:58Yeah, lovely to see you.
12:00Oh, flags.
12:02Right there.
12:05That might be outside.
12:06Outside, OK.
12:07That's Barbados.
12:09Seychelles.
12:11Don't know that one.
12:13Broad the bear.
12:14It's not an anagram, is it?
12:17Not everything's an anagram.
12:19That's such a shame.
12:20Iceland.
12:21They're a different country, Vlad.
12:22Greenland.
12:23Uruguay.
12:24Japan.
12:25Have you been to Iceland?
12:26Yeah.
12:27What was it like?
12:28Very cold.
12:29Cold.
12:30Interesting.
12:31Are we talking about polar bears?
12:32Ah.
12:33They're getting warmer or colder.
12:34Cold.
12:35Cold.
12:36Cold.
12:37Cold.
12:38Interesting.
12:39Yeah.
12:40So were they telling me, oh, that's very cold, and now I'm getting warmer?
12:42It's also a climate.
12:43Could be.
12:44Do I have to look in an oven?
12:45Hmm.
12:46And then here, it's hot out, isn't it?
12:47Oh, what's that?
12:48Oh, that's maybe the hottest country.
12:49Ah!
12:50Oh, that's 12 o'clock.
12:51Look up.
12:53Peter?
12:54I'm trying to put it in.
12:55I'm trying to put it in.
12:56I'm trying to put it in.
12:58Oh.
12:59I'm trying to put it in.
13:00Oh, look up.
13:01Oh, that's maybe the hottest country.
13:03Ah!
13:04Yeah!
13:06That's 12 o'clock.
13:07Look up.
13:09What?
13:10Peter?
13:11I'm trying to put it in.
13:12It's so hot.
13:13Yeah.
13:14Have you got a loft at home?
13:16I do, and I have, like, a hooky thing.
13:19Right.
13:20But this is not really a hooky thing.
13:27Yay!
13:28OK, I've got the clock.
13:33It seemed to me Rose was fast, I don't know.
13:35You were fast and pleased with yourself when you solved the riddle.
13:39I was so satisfied.
13:40Susie, you seemed to pretty much lose interest
13:43when you realised that this wasn't anagram-based.
13:47That is the story of my life.
13:50OK, time for our first break.
13:52And, Alex, Happy New Year, mate. Are you excited?
14:08Hello!
14:09Welcome back to our New Year's treat.
14:12It's 2026 and the robots haven't taken over yet.
14:15Hmm.
14:16And that's a joke which could age very badly.
14:19The current task has seen our cast try to find the bear
14:22as quickly as possible and then prod it.
14:24Only one person to go.
14:25And very much like Twycross,
14:27the large wildlife attraction in Leicestershire,
14:29it's Big Zoo.
14:30Who are you, bear?
14:31You're probably not in the lab.
14:32It's not here.
14:33What do you find in the lab?
14:34Nothing in the lab?
14:35No, there's a couple things in there, but not a bear.
14:39The kitchen.
14:40Why are there so many countries?
14:41Why is it like an ethnic bear?
14:42There's multiple flags.
14:43Yes.
14:44You recognise any of them?
14:45Yeah.
14:46America.
14:47Yep.
14:48That one.
14:49Greenland.
14:50There's a holiday.
14:51There's a bear.
14:52There's a bear, yeah.
14:53OK.
14:54Where's the bear?
14:55You're not helping.
14:56No, no.
14:57I see that one.
14:58I know what about a bear.
14:59You're not helping me.
15:00You're looking for the stars.
15:01The bear must be on the roof.
15:02Go back on the bulls.
15:03Go back on the bulls.
15:04Second, go back to the bulls.
15:05Yeah.
15:06America.
15:07Yeah.
15:08America.
15:09Yep.
15:10That one.
15:11That one.
15:15Three months.
15:16There's a bear.
15:17There's a bear, yeah.
15:18OK.
15:19Where's the bear?
15:20You're not helping.
15:21No, no.
15:22I see that one.
15:23It's gonna be friends.
15:24Think like a bear.
15:25Reach for the stars.
15:26The roof, oh no man, I've looked up, I've looked around, the clues don't help man.
15:36No I see that, yeah.
15:43I can see a bear head right there.
15:50I declare myself trodden.
15:54I've stood before it.
15:57For a young man, you looked, for most of it, like an irritated grunt.
16:02Just wandering around.
16:05When you're in there, things change, bro.
16:07Yeah.
16:08There's mad pressure in that yard.
16:10He didn't appear stressed.
16:12He was very close to giving up and we didn't know there was that bear head in the garage.
16:15Yeah, that was just my task!
16:17That's the whole task.
16:18Well, thank God you happened upon it.
16:20Nearly half an hour.
16:21A good ten minutes more than anyone else.
16:23So it is one point to Big Zoo.
16:25One point, Big Zoo.
16:26One point to Big Zoo.
16:27The rest were very close.
16:28Susie, you were fourth.
16:2916 minutes 30.
16:30Just behind Sam, 15 minutes and three seconds.
16:33You were 15 seconds slower than Jill.
16:35You would have been quicker if you'd left the living room quicker.
16:37But Jill, you come second with 14 minutes 48.
16:39But Rose was the fastest with 13 minutes.
16:41Oh!
16:46Is it score time?
16:47It is.
16:48And there is one person in the lead with the perfect ten so far.
16:50It is Rose ailing up.
16:51Wow!
16:56What have we got next, Alex?
16:58With a nod, a wink, a cough and a clap, we have Dice.
17:02Hello, hello.
17:03Hello, Rose.
17:04Hi.
17:05Yeah, I feel like I'm in a butcher's.
17:06You've got a briefcase, a bays and a metronome.
17:08Yeah.
17:09What did you call this?
17:10I went for bays.
17:11Bays?
17:12Bays.
17:13Bays.
17:14Bays.
17:15All right, cool, bays.
17:16All right, go on.
17:17And a briefcase.
17:18Briefcase.
17:19I'm a bit scared.
17:20You've got a briefcase, a bays and a metronome.
17:22Yeah.
17:23What did you call this?
17:24I went for bays.
17:25Bays?
17:26Bays.
17:27Bays.
17:28All right, cool, bays.
17:29All right, go on.
17:30And a briefcase.
17:31Briefcase.
17:32I'm a bit scared.
17:33You tried to make a TM out of the dice.
17:35Why is everything so branded, bruv?
17:37Right.
17:38Throw one or more dice to get a number.
17:41Then clap, cough, nod and blink.
17:44That number of time.
17:47Before the next flash.
17:48If you do not complete the sequence before the next flash,
17:51the task is over.
17:53At the end of the task, your total number of completed sequences
17:56will be multiplied by your number of dice to give you a score.
18:00High score wins.
18:02You must use your number of a dice in the next minute
18:04and you must berate yourself throughout the task.
18:07And you must berate yourself throughout the task.
18:09Your time will start on the first flash.
18:13OK, I can't do a practice, can I?
18:15Yeah, you can.
18:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:21APPLAUSE
18:25Good, well, I think we all understand the task this time.
18:28Do we?
18:29It's complicated, but it will make sense when we do it.
18:31It will.
18:32One sits in dictionary corner, one takes corners,
18:35and the other one is Big Zoo.
18:37Here we go!
18:39I'm going to go for two.
18:41Two? OK, perfect. Yeah, which is brave.
18:43Right. I'm just going to go for two dice.
18:45I know my limits. I was a safe midfielder.
18:48Should I go for five dice? No!
18:50I don't know. I don't want to get influenced by you, man.
18:53I'm going to go for four. OK.
18:55Four dice. Your time starts now.
18:58I'm tired about this kind of thing. Eight.
19:01So I get 30 seconds. Yeah.
19:04Six.
19:06OK.
19:13Cool. OK.
19:15I'll wait for the next flash. Yeah.
19:18Quite an awkward gap now before the next one. OK.
19:21Maybe I should have had more dice.
19:23Oh, did it go? It went. Nine.
19:26Six, nine, eleven, er, seventeen.
19:30I think I'm blinking throughout anyway.
19:47Seven.
19:49Oh, nine.
19:51Fourteen.
19:53Fourteen.
19:54Fourteen.
19:56We've got twelve.
19:58So are you counting them at all? No.
20:02No, right. OK.
20:03I did them all.
20:07I've just realised.
20:09That's got to definitely add more dice.
20:11I'm going to cough and blink at the same time.
20:13Great.
20:14Seven.
20:16Easy.
20:17Why didn't I think about this at the beginning?
20:19Oh, bro, what kind of game?
20:24And go again.
20:26Oh, my God.
20:28Oh, my God.
20:29Oh, it's torture, man.
20:30Still in.
20:31Come on.
20:32Oh, my God.
20:33Oh, my God.
20:34Oh, my God.
20:35Oh, my God.
20:36Oh, it's torture, man.
20:37Still in.
20:38Come on.
20:39Oh, my God.
20:40Oh, my God.
20:43Oh, my God.
20:44Oh, my God.
20:45Oh, my God.
20:46Oh, my God.
20:47Oh, my God.
20:48I didn't complete it, Alex.
20:49That's just classic me, I'm afraid.
20:50I did warn you before I came on, and you said you'll be fine,
20:52and I told you I wouldn't.
20:53You don't have to write yourself.
20:54I'm fine.
20:56I feel like I'm going to vomit, bro.
20:57OK, do you want to go?
20:58You can't make someone cough that many times.
21:00No, OK, you should go.
21:02I don't know why I was so important.
21:04The thing that fascinated me about you, Susie, really, is your cough.
21:09I started to think you might be AI, Joey.
21:13The great thing about you, Big Zoo, is you're a one-man argument.
21:16Should I go for five dice?
21:17No, I'm going to go for four dice.
21:19I feel like I'm going to vomit, bro.
21:21You can't make people cough that many times.
21:23Alex was silent throughout all of them.
21:26LAUGHTER
21:27Oh, very bad.
21:28I do, unfortunately, have to tell one of them
21:30that something bad happened.
21:32GASPS
21:33Oh, are you having fun?
21:34I am.
21:35OK.
21:36So, let them go and do six claps.
21:38BELL RINGS
21:39I'm so sorry.
21:40So, you could have told us that then, so I just stopped,
21:45but you let us go all the way to the end.
21:47Yeah.
21:48Yeah.
21:49I mean, I've said it a thousand times, the guy's a prick.
21:51LAUGHTER
21:53I agree.
21:54Time to tick off part two of this treat.
21:56Begone!
21:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:58Hello.
21:59We're part way through a task which has seen the cast coughing and clapping.
22:14Yes.
22:15And nodding and blinking and rolling dice.
22:18Two people left to go and the task is set in the confined space of the lab,
22:22which was fine for Rose, but I was slightly worried about Sam
22:25as I'd heard he's more of a space man.
22:28Here's how they do it.
22:29LAUGHTER
22:31Oh, I get it, I'm going to just pick one.
22:33One, OK.
22:34Imagine having 12 and then you have to cough 12 times, clap 12 times,
22:37nod 12 times and blink 12 times in 30 seconds.
22:40Nah, one dice.
22:41Sam, how many dice have you chosen?
22:42Ten.
22:43Ten.
22:44LAUGHTER
22:45Here we go.
22:47BELL RINGS
22:49Throw the dice.
22:51BELL RINGS
22:53I'm an idiot.
22:54LAUGHTER
22:55One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
23:04One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
23:05One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
23:07Now, Rose, why did you do that 12 times?
23:10Because I've...
23:14As long as you do more, it's OK.
23:15OK.
23:16That's a bad start.
23:18BELL RINGS
23:20Oh!
23:2135 of your total.
23:2327.
23:26Four.
23:27One, two, three, four.
23:28One, two, three, four.
23:29One, two, three, four.
23:30HE CLEARS
23:32What did I do?
23:33Did I get a cough?
23:35No, didn't I?
23:36And I blinked.
23:37I'm two, three, four.
23:38I'm down hot and sweaty.
23:39Mmm.
23:40I think it's good you chose one, guys.
23:42HE CLEARS
23:4431.
23:45Low number.
23:4649 you need to get it.
23:48Ooh!
23:49Shuck your number now!
23:50Shuck your number now!
23:52Three.
23:53One, two, three.
23:54One, two, three.
23:55One, two, three.
23:56One, two, three.
23:57HE CLEARS
23:58I'm getting into the routine of it, but I'm still rubbish at it.
24:00Yes, I think you are.
24:01Yeah.
24:02LAUGHTER
24:03One, two, three.
24:04Funny how it becomes normal, quick.
24:05HE CLEARS
24:10Wank.
24:11OK, this should be OK.
24:14HE CLEARS
24:19Blinking.
24:21Flash.
24:25Flash.
24:26Flash.
24:27Flash.
24:28Flash.
24:29Ah!
24:33The cap is getting really quite small now.
24:39HE CLEARS
24:40It just stopped.
24:41Flash.
24:42Flash.
24:43Flash.
24:44How did you think that went?
24:46Erm...
24:48I need, erm, honey drink.
24:50Mmm.
24:51I felt ashamed, actually, in some part.
24:54See you in a bit.
24:55See you, Sam.
24:56APPLAUSE
25:03How did you feel you did on that?
25:05I feel like maybe I need to go to the doctor
25:08and check my short-term memories.
25:10Yeah.
25:11You go to the doctor.
25:12Compared to this madness,
25:14you were like a professional dice player.
25:20At what point did you regret picking that many dice, sir?
25:23Oh, mate, quite quick, actually.
25:24We did allow it.
25:26If you went over the number, it was fine,
25:27because there's no way you could do the maths
25:28on the dice quick enough.
25:29Mm-hm.
25:30Unfortunately...
25:32LAUGHTER
25:33Unfortunately.
25:34In the first round...
25:35Oh, no!
25:37LAUGHTER
25:38..we needed 35 of each
25:39and he blinked 16 times
25:41and coughed 12 times.
25:43LAUGHTER
25:44Ten times zero, unfortunately, is zero.
25:46Oh!
25:47Sam scores zero, but you do get one point for coming last.
25:50Really?
25:51Yeah.
25:52Rose chose one dice.
25:53Unfortunately, on the ninth time,
25:54she was meant to nod six times
25:56and only nodded four times because she was muddled,
25:58so you get a total of eight
26:00and you're in fourth place.
26:01Jill, obviously, you can count to six, unfortunately,
26:03so you stopped at six, but times two, that's 12.
26:06You're in third place.
26:07Zoo, you got to 11.
26:1011 throws times four, which are 44,
26:12but Susie, with her two dice,
26:14didn't make a mistake for 27 times.
26:1627 times two at 54.
26:17Susie gets five points.
26:18Whoa!
26:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:21Well done.
26:22I'd really love to see another task, please, Alex.
26:25Oh, he would, cos he's keen, he's mean,
26:27he's goddamn lean.
26:28Yes, he's Greg.
26:29And like Greg, the next task really goes the distance.
26:32LAUGHTER
26:33Hello. Hello.
26:51Come in. Thank you.
26:54You're very welcome to the caravan.
26:56Welcome. Oh, hello. Oh, I did it wrong.
26:58Welcome to the caravan. No, that's not right.
27:00What was this? Yeah, welcome, welcome.
27:01What did I say?
27:03I think you just spoke in your face.
27:07Nice cup of tea. Oh, lovely.
27:09Nice to have a biscuit with some chocolate with that.
27:11I know. Oh.
27:12Are you going to give us one? Oh!
27:14I'm intrigued by that chocolate bar.
27:16Do you know what it is? Is it a Mars bar?
27:18No. Is it a Snickers?
27:20What's that? Marathon.
27:22Oh, maybe.
27:23Does this mean that this task is going to be a marathon?
27:25Yes.
27:31Do a something-a-thon for a full 20 minutes.
27:36Most inspiring something-a-thon, successfully accomplished wins.
27:41You have five minutes to choose your something.
27:44Your time starts now.
27:49What, this? Yeah.
27:50What's in it, though? No one knew.
27:51It's probably some beans or something.
27:55Mm.
27:56Do you want it?
27:57Not now.
27:58No.
27:59Erm...
28:00So, what do you mean?
28:03A something-a-thon.
28:04A something-a-thon.
28:05A something-a-thon.
28:06Something inspiring for the kids.
28:11Oh.
28:16I'm thinking motivational speech.
28:17What about...
28:18I learn how to speak French or something?
28:20Because I'm sure it's very inspiring for a deaf person
28:23to learn a new language.
28:24You think that's inspiring?
28:25Mm.
28:26You think you'll change people?
28:27I feel that often.
28:29How often do you inspire people?
28:31I didn't mean to.
28:34Right.
28:35It's just happen.
28:37I just sit and drink cups of tea.
28:40Have you ever done a sponsor of something before?
28:42Just walks.
28:43Go to sleep.
28:44That's not very inspiring, either.
28:45Walking and sleeping, so far.
28:46Walking and sleeping.
28:4720 minutes of me frying eggs.
28:51Maybe I could just walk around with a tyre around my neck,
28:56or something.
28:57I'm writing it down.
28:58Is that a thing?
28:59I don't...
29:01Mmm.
29:02Mmm.
29:04These are really good tasks.
29:06I can see how you're the taskmaster.
29:08The assistant.
29:09Oh, assistant.
29:10Yeah, Greg's the taskmaster.
29:11But he's not here, so...
29:13We'll just pretend it's you.
29:14Really?
29:15Yeah.
29:16It's like when I was vice-captain, when Steph Horton wasn't there,
29:18I used to tell people I was captain.
29:20Yeah.
29:22APPLAUSE
29:23You wouldn't be telling people you were the taskmaster, would you?
29:26No.
29:27Oh, because Dad would be very cross.
29:29Good.
29:30Let's get inspired.
29:31Well, one knows words and the other woes nerds.
29:33That's right.
29:34It's Susie Dent and Big Zoo.
29:35I'm Susie Dent and I am going to try a Maximathon,
29:38because I'm going to do as many English maxims or sayings
29:41as I can do in 20 minutes.
29:43So, here goes.
29:44Hello, Big Zoo.
30:07What are you going to do?
30:08I'm going to do a wrap-a-thon.
30:09Full 20 minutes?
30:1020 minutos.
30:11Full 20 minutes? 20 minitos.
30:13Your time starts now.
30:15My name is Bigzoo.
30:17I'm going to show you what I do. Wait. Let's get back.
30:20Oh. Sorry, let's get back there.
30:34B-I-G-Z-W-U.
30:36If you can't spell, I will spell it for you.
30:38B-I-G to the Z-W-U. I'm here to inspire the entire crew.
30:42If you're a kid sitting in school and you're thinking,
30:45this isn't cool, don't worry.
30:46One day, you can pick up a tool and you can be a boat-builder.
30:50That could be you.
30:56Yo.
30:57Come with a different flavour.
30:59Always on track, sitting for my brain.
31:01And I don't lack, and I don't slack.
31:03We're halfway. Yo. Rappaphone.
31:05Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:08Remix, I like cake and I like a slice.
31:11If you're not inspired, then you are lost in the field.
31:15How do you do that? Bigzoo.
31:17In the field, and I'm really grilled.
31:18See me on the screen, like Ian Bill.
31:20Speak for 20 minutes, nothing for man.
31:22B-I-G, I'm bigger than man.
31:24I am the sergeant, tell me what it is.
31:34If you ain't inspired, you may listen to the limits that I've required.
31:37Z-W, if you don't know the name, B-I-G, Z-W, I'm done.
31:41One.
31:42B-I-G, Z-W, I'm playing to type-seize, but I was fairly engaged throughout, Walter.
31:55Oh, thank you. That was fair.
31:57Fairly engaged throughout.
31:58I was...
31:59Bigzoo, I'm no rapper.
32:01Should they rhyme?
32:03Depending on the time.
32:06Yeah.
32:07There were over 50 references to food in the rap.
32:11How long...
32:12You didn't have to do that to me!
32:14He rapped for ages, you told me.
32:16Oh, 20 minutes.
32:17Yeah? Yeah.
32:18That's what they had to do.
32:19And it was all from the top of my mind.
32:20Freestyle.
32:21None of it was written before.
32:22No way.
32:24They were both enjoyable.
32:26Now for that, which we call a rose.
32:29Hello, Rose.
32:30Hello.
32:31What?
32:32What is going to be your something-a-thon?
32:34I'm going to do a music-a-thon.
32:36Mm.
32:37And, um, twinkle, twinkle, a little star.
32:3820 minutes.
32:39But I'm going to play a different music instrument.
32:40Oh, God.
32:41You ready?
32:42I'm ready to be inspired.
32:44Your 20 minutes starts now.
32:45BELL RINGS
32:46BELL RINGS
32:47BELL RINGS
32:48BELL RINGS
32:49BELL RINGS
32:50BELL RINGS
32:5125 seconds gone.
33:15And the next one...
33:16What is it?
33:1725 seconds gone.
33:19My first one.
33:20And the next one...
33:21What is it called?
33:22It's a glockenspiel.
33:23There you go.
33:24BELL RINGS
33:25BELL RINGS
33:26BELL RINGS
33:27BELL RINGS
33:44Oh, wait a minute.
33:50Wait a minute.
33:55Oh, wait a minute.
34:01Oh, wait a minute.
34:08How I wonder what you are...
34:20I feel like one of both nopeds that is around a fire, doesn't it?
34:25Oh, hello!
34:26You've got 30 seconds left.
34:28There's one more intimate. This one. I love this one.
34:31What's this one called?
34:33No idea.
34:35Wow.
34:46Isn't that inspirational enough?
34:53It was fairly inspirational. There was a lot going on there.
34:56What was the problem with the pipe thing?
34:58It just made me laugh. I think it's funny.
35:00It looks funny.
35:02And what the problem is was Toby, my interpreter, and Alec,
35:06they both were laughing.
35:08So, they wasn't clear of trying so hard.
35:11So, it made me laugh.
35:12So, what you're saying is your interpreter let you down on this task?
35:17Well, I almost have to send her out of the room,
35:19because she kept me laughing.
35:21And then I realised I wouldn't understand what Alec was saying.
35:24So, I have to teach her.
35:25So, she let you down on... Yeah.
35:27Get rid. Get rid.
35:29It's really best you're not here, ain't she?
35:35Oh, my God.
35:36All right, just one part to go.
35:38In it, a hugely successful professional
35:41will win and take home a slice of processed cheese.
35:45It'll be embarrassing for them, embarrassing for the show,
35:48and will make us all question if it's really that bad
35:51that humans are on their way out.
35:53We'll see you soon.
35:54APPLAUSE
36:05Hello.
36:06Welcome back to part four, part one of this two-part festive special.
36:11Before the break, the task involves trying to achieve
36:14the most inspiring a-thon.
36:16Yes, that's right, Greg.
36:17And coincidentally, I'm wearing a thong.
36:19Finally, one won the Euros and one nearly won Eurovision,
36:23which is wonderful, but which one won which one, one wonders?
36:26It's Jill and Sam.
36:28Good.
36:29APPLAUSE
36:30OK, your 20 minutes is past now.
36:32APPLAUSE
36:33I came to Taskmaster and met a random man.
36:38He told me to meet him in his caravan.
36:41He offered me a chocolate bar.
36:43He said I'd feel better.
36:45Then he handed me an envelope with a crisp white letter.
36:50I said to him,
36:52Where's that guy that's tall?
36:54I've heard that he really loves football.
36:57I reckon he would have a decent right peg.
37:00He goes by the name of Mr. Greg.
37:04I went to Taskmaster and met a random man.
37:09He told us to meet him in his caravan.
37:13Welcome to my pump-a-thon.
37:17Are you ready?
37:18Yeah.
37:19He offered me a chocolate bar.
37:23He said I'd feel better.
37:28I went to Taskmaster and met a weird man.
37:35Two and a half minutes, Jill.
37:37He said to me,
37:38Follow me into my caravan.
37:40Don't know why it's getting dirtier.
37:42For a half-way.
37:49Guess what, guys?
37:50I went to Taskmaster.
37:52I met a weird man.
37:54I've got sweat in my eyeball.
38:09Let's speed it up, everybody.
38:11We're in the final minute, Jill.
38:16This is hard work.
38:24I've got to do it.
38:25I said to him,
38:27Where's that guy that's tall?
38:29I've heard that he really loves football.
38:41And he'd have a decent right peg.
38:44He goes by the name of Mr. Greg!
38:50For 20 minutes.
38:52That was amazing.
38:55That's your 20 minutes up, Sam.
39:03See you later.
39:04Thanks, mate.
39:05I'll see you.
39:06I'll see you.
39:12Genuinely inspirational football skills.
39:15Lovely to watch.
39:16And I don't care what anyone says.
39:17I think the North East accent's well suited to poetry.
39:20So, well done is how I'd like to start my feedback.
39:24And then I'd like to continue it with this.
39:26Mm-hm.
39:27Is everything all right, Sam?
39:28No.
39:29Yeah.
39:30I'm in bed.
39:31I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but you blew up an air bed
39:33and then you humped it, right?
39:35No.
39:37I just...
39:38I inflated it and deflated it four times in a row.
39:40Three times.
39:41Three times?
39:42Yeah.
39:43I'm annoyed, cos I've been telling all my mates I did it four times
39:45in 20 minutes.
39:47All right.
39:48I'm going to give two points to Sam Ryder and to Susie.
39:52Because I felt similarly inspired by both of them.
39:56I'm giving three to the multiple musical instruments.
40:00So, what is this?
40:01Is it the incredible international football skills
40:04or is it you just rapping nonsense for 20 minutes?
40:08Nonsense?
40:09Yeah.
40:10No.
40:11Come on.
40:12Inspirational quotes were in there.
40:13Give me one inspirational quote and that will make the decision for me.
40:17If you can't spell B-I-G-Z-W...
40:21Big Zoo.
40:24Four points to Big Zoo.
40:26Five points.
40:28Good job.
40:29OK.
40:32A peek at the scores, perhaps?
40:33Of course, perhaps.
40:34Of course, well, Sam is way out in the back with eight.
40:38At the front we've got Jill on 15 and Rose on 15.
40:41Wow.
40:42All right.
40:44There we go.
40:45Oh!
40:47All to play for.
40:48OK, everyone, just one more thing to do.
40:50Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
40:53APPLAUSE
40:54Who's going to read the task out?
40:55I think Rose is going to read the task out.
40:56Put your item in Gregg's special order.
40:57Reveal the items, Gregg.
40:58Ooh!
40:59Ooh!
41:00Ooh!
41:01Ooh!
41:02Ooh!
41:03Ooh!
41:04Ooh!
41:05Ooh!
41:06Ooh!
41:07Ooh!
41:08Ooh!
41:09Ooh!
41:10Ooh!
41:11Ooh!
41:12Ooh!
41:13Ooh!
41:14Ooh!
41:15After each shuffle, Dred will tell you how many items are in the correct position,
41:19but not which one.
41:20The first to get the correct order wins.
41:23Your time starts now.
41:25What about now?
41:26No, no, your time does not start now.
41:27No, that's...
41:28Oh, no, no!
41:29OK.
41:30So why did you write it down, then?
41:31APPLAUSE
41:33What I did was I made a mistake.
41:37There's only one winner.
41:39One person's going to get five points.
41:41If two people get it on the same go, they both get five points.
41:44It is time for the first shuffle.
41:47Ten seconds, you've got...
41:49Not long.
41:50Oh.
41:53Don't have to shuffle, of course.
41:55And shuffle.
41:56Greg's going to go down the line and say how many you've got right.
41:58Big Zoo, you have got two right.
42:03That's so annoying.
42:06Jill, you have got zero right.
42:14Rose.
42:17Zero.
42:18Right.
42:19Sam.
42:20Two right.
42:21Ooh.
42:22Susie.
42:23Zero.
42:24Right.
42:25Second shuffle.
42:27WHISTLE BLOWS
42:28Oh.
42:29Mm.
42:34Ooh.
42:35WHISTLE BLOWS
42:36Stop shuffling.
42:37Big Zoo has got two right.
42:39Oh, for fuck's sake.
42:40LAUGHTER
42:42One, Jill.
42:43One, Jill.
42:44Are you sure?
42:45Two.
42:46Yeah, two, Jill.
42:48LAUGHTER
42:49Two.
42:52One, Sam.
42:53Bastard.
42:54OK, yep.
42:55Er...
42:56One...
42:57Two.
42:58Two.
42:59Two.
43:00So we have four twos and one one.
43:02They're inching close.
43:03Next shuffle.
43:04WHISTLE BLOWS
43:07Gosh, we really couldn't be here for hours.
43:09LAUGHTER
43:11Oh.
43:12Zoo.
43:14Two.
43:15Consistent.
43:17Jill.
43:18One.
43:20Rose.
43:21One.
43:22Sam.
43:23Two.
43:24Uh-oh.
43:25This is putting the cat amongst the pigeons.
43:26Three.
43:27Oh.
43:28Oh.
43:29Susie.
43:30One.
43:31Shuffle.
43:32Ah, shit.
43:34There we go.
43:35Oh, my vote gets broke.
43:41Shuffle plum is up.
43:42So some late shuffling, some very late shuffling.
43:46Zoo.
43:47Three.
43:48Hey!
43:49Jill.
43:50One.
43:51Rose.
43:52One.
43:53Sam was on three.
43:54He's now on...
43:55Two.
43:56Oh, shit.
43:57Susie is on...
43:58One.
43:59Off we go.
44:00One.
44:01One.
44:02One.
44:03LAUGHTER
44:04How is that possible?
44:05Zero.
44:06One.
44:07LAUGHTER
44:08How is that possible?
44:09Zero.
44:10LAUGHTER
44:11One.
44:12LAUGHTER
44:13How is that possible?
44:14Zero.
44:15LAUGHTER
44:16One.
44:17LAUGHTER
44:18One.
44:20LAUGHTER
44:21Every time.
44:22Every time.
44:23Three.
44:24Who?
44:25This is bollocks.
44:26LAUGHTER
44:27NONE!
44:30I was about to fucking jump over.
44:34Come on, Sam.
44:35Just swap the right...
44:38Swap the two that are right, please.
44:42And...
44:43Stop shuffling.
44:44Do we have a winner?
44:45Please have a winner.
44:46One.
44:47One for Zoom.
44:48Oh, bro.
44:49One, Jill.
44:50Oh.
44:51Three, Rose.
44:52Three.
44:53Three.
44:54Three.
44:55Three.
44:56It's one.
44:57They don't.
44:58OK.
44:59Two for Susie.
45:00And on this occasion,
45:01Sam has got...
45:02Five!
45:03CHEERING
45:04And the special order, of course, is the alphabetical order.
45:08Each one starts with the same letter as your own names.
45:10You're in that order, too.
45:11We're finished.
45:12Let's add those scores.
45:13The final ones.
45:14Come down and join me!
45:15This has been a class.
45:16Wow.
45:17What a rush that was.
45:18Oh.
45:19Great redemption for Sam.
45:20I needed that.
45:21I can't lie.
45:22You did.
45:23I did.
45:24I can tell you he's not in last place anymore.
45:25He's in...
45:26How?!
45:27Second last place.
45:28Second last place.
45:29Two people are drawing, though, Greg, because this is the final scoreboard.
45:45Jill and Rose are joint winners.
45:47Oh!
45:48Close as well.
45:49Very close.
45:50You know what that means.
45:51We don't leave things there.
45:53It's a tie-break!
45:54Oh!
45:55All they have to do is answer this question.
45:58What length is my pineapple?
46:01I have a tattoo of a pineapple.
46:03Where?
46:04You know that bit between your balls and rats?
46:06No, no, no.
46:07Not personally.
46:10I'm going to give you a card each.
46:12You're going to have ten seconds to write down your answer.
46:14It's closest number.
46:15In millimetres wins.
46:16Maybe three, four, maybe four.
46:18How's that crunching?
46:20I've noticed no-one's asking me to help.
46:25They both were in down numbers.
46:30Yep.
46:31Who would you like to see first?
46:32Rose is first.
46:33Forty.
46:34Oh!
46:35Forty millimetres or four centimetres.
46:37Correct.
46:38Jill?
46:3950 millimetres or five centimetres.
46:43And now, for the most anticlimactic moment of all time...
46:48LAUGHTER
46:49..it is...
46:50..82!
46:52Oh!
46:53It's 82 the weekend.
46:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:56Jill Scott wins the first of our New Year's treats.
47:00Please wander up to whack your wonderful winning!
47:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:05THEY CONTINUE
47:14MUSIC
47:15AND APPLAUSE
47:16THEY CONTINUE
47:18THEY CONTINUE
47:21THEY CONTINUE
47:35You
Schreibe den ersten Kommentar