- 2 months ago
Taskmaster - S20 E04 >>> https://dai.ly/x9rkj88
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30Hello!
00:34Welcome!
00:36Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies.
00:39A juicy fillet steak of manhood, if I do say so myself.
00:42Take the heat off. I'm rare and I'm ready for the plate.
00:46Who dares to sit at the table of white-hot competition
00:50and complete tasks to make me sizzle on my judgmental skillet?
00:54Who dares to face my pepper-scorn sauce?
01:00Who wants my championships enough to risk getting their just desserts?
01:05Let's find out!
01:06Here they are!
01:07Anya Magliano!
01:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:10Maisie Abbott!
01:12Drew Ellis!
01:14Rick Shearsmith!
01:16And Sanjay Buster!
01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:21And next to me, a man who told me that on a childhood visit
01:26to a fruit farm he once sneakily ate so many strawberries
01:29that he achieved the Holy Grail.
01:32The unbroken three-foot stool.
01:35LAUGHTER
01:38It's...
01:40L-l-l-l-toy!
01:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:43Well, look, it's time for the raffle, everyone,
01:48so if you want to get your tickets out at home.
01:51Do you want to do the honours today, Greg?
01:53Yeah.
01:54Who's going to win this week's raffle?
01:57So get your tickets out.
01:59Oh, it's a pink!
02:00It's a pink ticket.
02:01528.
02:03A pink 528.
02:04So get in touch if that's you.
02:07LAUGHTER
02:09LAUGHTER
02:10It's the...
02:11It's the raffle.
02:12It's the raffle.
02:13Incredible, isn't it?
02:14Did you buy a ticket?
02:15I didn't buy a ticket.
02:16I bought you a ticket.
02:17OK.
02:18You want...
02:19You want to check your pockets?
02:21LAUGHTER
02:22You're like, this is better.
02:24This is better.
02:25Oh, 528.
02:27I think 528.
02:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:31You win a hamper.
02:32You can have a look there.
02:33It's a good hamper.
02:34Genuinely good.
02:35Salt bin bags, shoe soles, cinnamon sticks.
02:37LAUGHTER
02:38Stuff you genuinely want from a hamper.
02:40OK.
02:41Let's get on with the prize task.
02:43Bang-tidy.
02:44And this week the category is
02:46the thing you were least likely to bring in from your home.
02:49Ooh.
02:50Big fingers crossed here for Lord Lucan.
02:53Five points will be given to this person
02:55that Greg thinks has brought in the least likely thing
02:57they've brought from their home.
02:59But you know how this works, Greg.
03:01You're all over the format by now, mate.
03:03Don't worry about it.
03:04LAUGHTER
03:07OK.
03:08Sanjeev, hello.
03:09Hello.
03:10Can I show you what it is?
03:11Sanjeev has brought this in.
03:12Yeah.
03:13LAUGHTER
03:15Come on!
03:16Did you just have it around, or is that decanted for the show?
03:22Oh, no, that was specially for the show.
03:23I mean, I don't have urine samples lying around the house.
03:26No.
03:27But, um...
03:28But you have the bottles.
03:29Well, yeah.
03:30I mean, you never know when you need them.
03:31I mean, you know, there's an age at which you have to go...
03:33Yeah.
03:34Those are doctors quite suddenly.
03:35Dip and check?
03:36Yeah, absolutely.
03:37Dip and check.
03:38I've got to say, Sanjeev, this marks a real turnaround in your fortunes, I think.
03:42Do you think?
03:43Well, the first two shows, your prizes were absolutely shit.
03:46It's very personal.
03:47Mm.
03:48Very.
03:49Do you know how he sent us a urine?
03:51Erm, no.
03:52We transferred it.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:55APPLAUSE
03:57OK, who's next?
03:59Anya.
04:00I've brought in my contraceptive coil.
04:03Oh, God.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:06Have a look at this, Greg, here it is.
04:08Oh, God.
04:09Look at it.
04:10Look at it.
04:11And if she's up there, then who's flying the plane?
04:13LAUGHTER
04:15APPLAUSE
04:21What's the blue thing?
04:23So, there are strings at the bottom of it and they're basically so you can check it's
04:26in place every month.
04:27OK.
04:28You put a...
04:29I'm not going to...
04:30I don't...
04:31I won't tell you.
04:32Well, don't get all squeamish, you brought it in.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:34Put fingers into your zones.
04:36Your zones.
04:37And you feel for the strings.
04:38And if the strings are there...
04:39Zones!
04:40LAUGHTER
04:41The reason that it's very unlikely that I was able to bring this in is because mine got
04:45lost within me.
04:47OK.
04:48And it took three doctors to get it out.
04:50On separate occasions.
04:51Not working simultaneously.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53They were in different zones.
04:55LAUGHTER
04:56LAUGHTER
04:57APPLAUSE
04:59Very impressive.
05:02Phil?
05:03I brought in a lovely clump of asbestos.
05:05Here it is.
05:06LAUGHTER
05:08One of lovely companies.
05:10LAUGHTER
05:11Where did you get the incredibly dangerous material from?
05:15My flat is riddled with it and, erm...
05:18As long as you don't interfere with it, it's quite safe.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:22Now, I have caused a few issues by rambling around in my walls to pull it out.
05:27Not least your own slow, painful demise.
05:30LAUGHTER
05:31But, you know, it's what a way to go.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:35Old school.
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37Urine, a coil and a death sentence.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:42Rhys.
05:43So, in 1973, there used to be things called public information films
05:46and they would tell children to not get trapped in fridges
05:49and not stand in front of tractors.
05:51And there was one in 1973 called The Spirit of Dark and Lonely Water
05:56and it was narrated by Donald Pleasance and it was about children
05:58that shouldn't play in near water because they would drown.
06:01And in that film, there is a sign that says,
06:04no swimming and in my downstairs toilet, I have the sign.
06:08Here it is.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:11So, there you go. That's surprising, isn't it?
06:15Lovely.
06:16Unfortunately, the horror bar has been raised so high...
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21It's very mundane now, isn't it?
06:23It's the first thing I see, I think, yeah, I could cope with that.
06:26LAUGHTER
06:27Hello, Maisie.
06:28I've brought in some... Nice and normal.
06:30Ah.
06:31Yeah. I've brought in all my doors.
06:33LAUGHTER
06:34APPLAUSE
06:35All our internal doors.
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40And I know what you're thinking, that's just a picture of doors
06:43with a made-up background. I can show you...
06:45Yep, here we go.
06:46This is my door in the flat.
06:48And I did that when my husband was out.
06:51LAUGHTER
06:52And then last.
06:54With the doors, so is the text I got from my husband.
06:57LAUGHTER
07:00Oh, my God.
07:01OK, so it's least likely to bring in from your home, Greg.
07:04Well, I mean, I really like your sign,
07:06but it's a framed photo, so he can only have one point.
07:09Yes. Fair enough.
07:10One point. Thank you.
07:11To Rhys.
07:12And it's incredible for me to say this,
07:13the one that horrified me the least was the deadly asbestos.
07:17LAUGHTER
07:18Two points to Phil.
07:19I'm going to say that Maisie's doors are equivalent to Sanjeev's urine.
07:25Fuck off!
07:27LAUGHTER
07:28I'm in so much trouble.
07:30And you won't get them back unless you win the episode.
07:33LAUGHTER
07:36APPLAUSE
07:38OK, he hates it when I do this,
07:40but I do think they all are remarkable
07:42that you would bring all three of those things in,
07:44so I'll give you all five points.
07:46Yay!
07:47One, two, three, five, five!
07:49OK.
07:50Could I get the trash, please?
07:51Yes, I have one right here,
07:52and it involves the greatest sporting team on planet Earth.
07:56MUSIC
08:06PHONE RINGS
08:08Hi, Rhys.
08:09PHONE RINGS
08:10Hello.
08:11Are you coming all the way to me?
08:12Well, I'm coming to you, yeah.
08:13Nice to see you.
08:14You can stand behind the barrel, that'll be great.
08:15What? A barrel?
08:16Ahem.
08:17Ahem.
08:18Make the most accurate little model...
08:20Of the Chesham...
08:21Chesham...
08:22The Chesham United mascot.
08:24So the locals call it Chesham.
08:26Ah.
08:27But if you've only just arrived there, Chesham is OK.
08:29OK, that's good to know.
08:31You may only see what is inside two of the toilet tents.
08:35Toilet? Oh, I thought it was spray tans.
08:37Toilets.
08:38Yeah, five toilet tents.
08:39You have ten minutes.
08:41Your time starts now.
08:43Go Generals.
08:45Go Generals.
08:47Oh!
08:48Thank God.
08:49You know.
08:50The one thing I like is mascots.
08:53Well, I hate football.
08:54I don't know anything about it.
08:55So I can't do it.
08:56APPLAUSE
09:02OK, so Chesham United is the team that you're a director on, right?
09:05Mm-hm.
09:06Yeah, but there's no conflict of interest.
09:07We're just...
09:09Well, it's funny you should say that,
09:10but when I read that you were doing this,
09:12I genuinely contacted a lawyer friend of mine
09:15and he has informed me that you talking about it
09:18as the director of Chesham United
09:20is a clear breach of the UK code of broadcast advertising,
09:23the BCAP code, sections 2, 4 and 10.
09:27And as a result, you genuinely could be in legal trouble.
09:31Ah.
09:32You've never done that much research about any aspect of this show.
09:35I know.
09:37I was absolutely thrilled.
09:41OK, well, there's a little joke here, but it doesn't feel appropriate.
09:43Here we go, then.
09:44And if you're a rap fan,
09:45you're going to love Rhys, Anya and Phil's initials.
09:51I'm hoping the Chesham United mascot
09:54will be in one of the three tenths.
09:56One of the five tenths.
09:57One of the five tenths.
09:58Oh, hello!
10:02Ooh, OK, that's heavy.
10:04Lovely.
10:05What we've got here is treasure chest.
10:07Lovely, that's nice.
10:08Chest.
10:09Chesham, no.
10:10What would be great now is if a child I didn't know I had came out.
10:14Oh, God, there's an actual person there that scared the crap out of.
10:20Oh, oh, my God, there's someone in there.
10:21Are you the Chesham United mascot?
10:24This is amazing.
10:25Have I nailed the task?
10:27Bear with me.
10:28Come on.
10:31We've got a game of chess.
10:33Yes.
10:34Oh!
10:35Ham.
10:36Chess.
10:37Ham.
10:38Oh, OK, I think that's the pig who's the mascot,
10:41and I've got to make a small pig.
10:43Oh, my God!
10:44He's got a plant pot on his head.
10:46Oh, it's a chess piece.
10:48Are you the mascot?
10:51I don't know what that is.
10:52I'm going to take it.
10:53You've either had a stroke or you're very much the mascot.
10:55Come on, baby!
10:57Daddy needs some new shoes.
11:01Go Generals.
11:02Yeah.
11:03What does it mean?
11:04How am I meant to, in isolation, understand what that means?
11:06That's the nickname of the football team.
11:07Well, I told you I hated football.
11:09Right.
11:10Do you know what?
11:12Please be careful.
11:15Oh.
11:16Right.
11:17Oh, that's half your time up.
11:18That's half my time.
11:20Well, this is great, isn't it?
11:22I've got half the time left and now you give me scissors.
11:24And face paint...
11:26It's pleasure.
11:27It's plasticine.
11:28I know.
11:30That could be his face.
11:33I'm going to make a football.
11:35Do you think the mascot of the football team is a football?
11:37Right.
11:38Yeah.
11:39I see that it might not be.
11:41I'm changing it.
11:42I'm changing it to a helmet.
11:43I'm very aware at this very late stage that I may have taken it for granted that that is the Chesham County mascot.
11:49You're pretty insistent that it's a county.
11:55I may have got football muddled up with territorial army.
11:59Five seconds.
12:00Oh, no!
12:01I'm from Chesham Town!
12:03Go Generals!
12:05APPLAUSE
12:10It's the usual bubbling rage during that, but my favourite moment of the whole task was just a moment of joy from you where I think we got the answer to the question, what will we do when David Dickinson retires?
12:24What we've got here is treasure chest.
12:27LAUGHTER
12:28APPLAUSE
12:34Simple as that.
12:36So the pig was the mascot.
12:37What?
12:38Oh!
12:39It's the official Chesham mascot and the bear was a red herring.
12:41OK, so Phil came up with this.
12:43Oh, there he is!
12:45There's that pig we all know and love.
12:49Flaking onto the pitch.
12:50Incredible.
12:51That would fool a seasoned farmer.
12:56Rhys came up with this.
13:04It didn't do.
13:06You would have thought I'd be saying the sentence,
13:08that's not as good as Phil's.
13:12Well, Anya did try to make the pig and she made this.
13:16Ooh!
13:18That is pretty good.
13:19Compare that to the real mascot.
13:20Yeah.
13:21That's good.
13:24OK, my friends, that's the end of part one.
13:27More mascot monstrosities will be made after some adverts to highlight the downward spiral of humanity.
13:34Work, spend, die!
13:35Oh, ho!
13:36Hello again!
13:37Welcome back to Tutsmaster.
13:38Hello.
13:39Sorry, Greg.
13:40As my gran always said, you can't hurry slurry.
13:41Before the break, the rivals were trying to craft the most accurate version of the Chesham mascot and they could only peep inside two of the tents for tips.
13:54Finally, it's the turn of Sanjeev and Maisie.
13:55Now, Maisie has of course had a huge advantage for this one having played football at the Chesham ground genuinely where the mascot was first unveiled.
14:00This is the picture of Maisie with the mascot on the pitch.
14:01There you go.
14:02You bastard.
14:03Go generals.
14:04That's a clue.
14:05Or a red herring.
14:06Whatever you want, Sanjeev.
14:07Bit creepy.
14:08Oh, that's got something big there.
14:10Oh, that's got something big there.
14:11Oh, it's the turn of the ball.
14:12Oh, it's the turn of the ball.
14:13Oh, it's the turn of the ball.
14:14And then, finally, it's the turn of Sanjeev and Maisie.
14:16Now, Maisie has of course had a huge advantage for this one having played football at the Chesham ground genuinely where the mascot was first unveiled.
14:17This is the picture of Maisie with the mascot on the pitch.
14:20There we go.
14:21You bastard.
14:23Go generals.
14:24That's a clue.
14:26Or a red herring.
14:28Whatever you want, Sanjeev.
14:30Bit creepy.
14:33Oh, that's got something big there.
14:36Big there.
14:37OK.
14:38No.
14:39These two.
14:40Do you need that back up?
14:41Right.
14:42Is there someone in that?
14:46Is that a pair?
14:47Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
14:49Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
14:51Do you need that back up?
14:52Right.
14:54So someone in that?
14:55Is that a pair?
14:56Ah!
14:57You're no good.
14:58General's, stand up.
15:00Is there anything else?
15:01God sake, I was counting on you.
15:02Thank you very much.
15:03Not at all creepy.
15:04You're no good! Generals! Stand up, is there anything else?
15:10God's sake, I was counting on you!
15:14Thank you very much. Not at all creepy.
15:21If you can sit yourself down it, OK?
15:24What's the number? What's the number?
15:27Pig, look for a four-digit number.
15:29It'll be somewhere, I'm sure.
15:31You wouldn't mind putting one hand.
15:36There.
15:37Please don't break the box.
15:40Yes!
15:42If you could just point that way.
15:46This hand, hand point that way.
15:49You need to salute like a general, yeah?
15:52Yeah, you've got that. I see it, you're slashing it, mate.
15:55Wait there.
16:01That's general.
16:03Go general!
16:06Come on.
16:12You've actually run next to the mascot,
16:15which is a pig with a chess piece on its head.
16:19And you have no recollection of it.
16:21It was a busy week, that week.
16:23Other things on.
16:24A lot of pigs, a lot of chess pieces.
16:26A lot of pigs, yeah.
16:27It's more common in the modern game than you'd think.
16:30You know, your chap would be worrying if it weren't for...
16:33Sanjeev!
16:34God forgive me, but someone's got to point it out.
16:36You made the pig do a Nazi thing.
16:38LAUGHTER
16:43No, that was the general's bit.
16:44It was the pig was leading the charge because they...
16:47You can't...
16:48They had no fingers and you couldn't point.
16:50So, in summary...
16:51Yes.
16:52You created a new mascot involving the pig, the bear and the donkey.
16:56No, I didn't create a new mascot.
16:58I involved the mascot in a new tableau suggesting...
17:02Oh, yeah, that's what you were asked to do as well.
17:05Evolve the mascot into a new tableau.
17:08Was that no-one wording?
17:09It was make the most accurate little model
17:11of the Chesham United mascot.
17:12LAUGHTER
17:13Yeah, that's pretty...
17:14That was smaller than one I was going for.
17:16LAUGHTER
17:17OK, do you want to see all five mascots with them, real mascots?
17:20I mean, not really.
17:21Yep.
17:22OK.
17:23The real one's bottom right.
17:24I'm surprised that Sanjeev isn't further right, actually.
17:26LAUGHTER
17:28APPLAUSE
17:30Sanjeev's made the mascot bigger
17:34and more racially hateful.
17:36LAUGHTER
17:37So, one to Sanjeev.
17:38I'm not sure about racially hateful.
17:39I'm going to have to take a look at the diversity in mine.
17:42LAUGHTER
17:44Compared to any other picture.
17:46LAUGHTER
17:47It's a good point.
17:48So, two to Maisie, because she hasn't made it smaller
17:50and she hasn't recreated it, she's just taped a sign to it.
17:53LAUGHTER
17:54I mean, Reese's is definitely smaller than the original mascot,
17:57but has absolutely nothing to do with it.
18:00You're telling me that that is less like a pig than Phil's?
18:04Hey!
18:05He's got a point.
18:06I'm sorry, but I have to say it.
18:07I think mine looks more like the pig.
18:09No!
18:10It's even got a little chest piece on the top.
18:11What are you talking about?
18:12Look at me!
18:14I think if I squint at both of them,
18:16I see more of the shape of the mascot in Phil's.
18:19Because you're looking at the full body?
18:20I'm looking at the full body?
18:21Yeah, yeah.
18:22Yeah.
18:23I get you.
18:24LAUGHTER
18:25I take your point, but you can have three, Phil can have four.
18:28And five sweet points to Anya Magliano!
18:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:35I think it's time for Scoreboy.
18:37Me too.
18:38Anya is the only one in double figures.
18:39She's in the lead with ten points!
18:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:45I've had the team fast.
18:46Well, get ready for one of my favourites of all time,
18:49which is a big statement,
18:50because I genuinely have almost zero opinions on anything.
18:53I'm a really bland guy.
18:54LAUGHTER
19:07We're back in here. Hi.
19:08Yep. A couple of chairs there.
19:09Oh, lovely.
19:10Hello.
19:11Hello.
19:12Hello.
19:13How is the team?
19:14Really good.
19:15Good. Bonding.
19:16Yes.
19:17Working well together.
19:18Yeah, we think so.
19:19I think that's true.
19:20Right.
19:21Ahem.
19:22Discover the name of the person in the lab.
19:26You must take it in turns to ask one question,
19:30and the person may only say yes or no.
19:33The other team members must remain in this room
19:36until the questioner returns.
19:38Each person in your team must address the person in the lab
19:41by the correct name before the task is complete.
19:44Fastest wins.
19:45Your time starts now.
19:48I'll go ask the question.
19:50OK.
19:51All right, cool.
19:52Right.
19:53Shall I go and ask if their name begins with a vowel?
19:55Is that clever?
19:56OK, yeah.
19:57Go on.
19:58You get thinking of your next question, Rhys.
20:00OK.
20:01A-E-I-O-U.
20:02APPLAUSE
20:03Well, that's the main takeaway, isn't it, really?
20:04The main takeaway from the introduction of this is that...
20:06Maisie and Rhys think vowels are clever,
20:19Rhys is incredibly keen to point out that he knows them.
20:22LAUGHTER
20:24Let's crack on and see how clever they are.
20:26OK, well, we are going to start with a team of two.
20:28It is Rhys and it is Maisie.
20:30Here we go.
20:31Hiya.
20:36Hi.
20:37Does your name begin with a vowel?
20:39No.
20:40No.
20:41So we've got all the consonants to play with.
20:43Yep.
20:44What do you think the next question should be?
20:45Are you any of the women in the song Mambo No. 5?
20:48I know them all.
20:49Good, OK.
20:50Monica, Jessica.
20:54Hello.
20:55Is your name any of the women in the song Mambo No. 5?
20:58No.
20:59No.
21:00How many have we eliminated out of women's names in the world?
21:03I think 6.
21:04Good.
21:05How can we narrow down women's names?
21:08B to P.
21:09Does your name begin with any of the letters from A to P in the alphabet?
21:13Yes.
21:14Ooh!
21:15It does, it does!
21:16B to G.
21:17Does your name, hi, does your name begin with B to G?
21:20No.
21:21Race it G to P.
21:24Urgh!
21:25Is it a K?
21:26Does your name start with a K?
21:27No.
21:29Does your name begin with L?
21:30Yeah.
21:31Yes!
21:32It's L!
21:33It's L!
21:34OK.
21:35Not Lisa.
21:36Lisa's in Mambo No. 5.
21:37OK.
21:38Is it Laura?
21:39No.
21:41Is your name Louise?
21:42Yeah.
21:43Yes!
21:44It's Louise!
21:45Louise!
21:46Stop the clock!
21:47Stop the clock!
21:48Yes!
21:49You haven't completed the task.
21:50Each person in your team must address the person in the lab by the correct name before the
21:53task is complete.
21:54Just say hi Louise!
21:55I will!
21:56Hi Louise!
21:57Hi Louise!
21:58Hi Louise!
21:59No.
22:00It's not!
22:01It's not!
22:02It's not Louise!
22:03Eh?
22:04He's really angry.
22:05He's really angry.
22:06What does it mean?
22:07She just said to me her name was Louise.
22:08What?
22:09Don't say, is your name Louise?
22:10I did that last time.
22:11Is your name Louise?
22:12Yes.
22:13Rhys!
22:14And she said yes.
22:15Ugh.
22:16All the names in the world, we got down to Louise and it's not.
22:17Yeah.
22:18Shall we maybe try to stay a bit calm?
22:19Yeah.
22:20Yeah.
22:21Calm and collected.
22:22Hello, Louise.
22:23Um...
22:24Are you lying about your name?
22:25No.
22:26OK.
22:27We're missing something here.
22:28Yeah.
22:29What are we missing?
22:30Rhys, could it be a different person in the lab?
22:32I don't know.
22:33What are we missing?
22:35Rhys, could it be a different person in the lab?
22:37What are...
22:38That's a lot of good!
22:39That's a lot of good.
22:40What the other day?
22:41Jett, what are we missing?
22:42What are we missing?
22:43I don't know.
22:44No, I don't know.
22:45But it's a lot of good.
22:46What's the right, my husband?
22:47I don't know.
22:48She's correct.
22:49You're correct.
22:50So, you're correct.
22:51You're correct.
22:52You're correct.
22:53SHE LAUGHS
23:05THEY LAUGH
23:07What have you found?
23:09They're twins. They're fucking twins.
23:12Look behind the door. They're swapping them out.
23:14They're swapping them out. Yes!
23:19Yeah. I'm on to you now.
23:23I
23:26Put a piece of sellotape on her does your sister's name begin with J. No, no
23:32Does your sister's name begin with a K?
23:34No
23:35You're not asking sister's name as well are you? I'm going is your sister's name. Yeah, and I'm saying it's your sister's name
23:42That's wrong isn't it you've been asking about her sister. It's very confusing when there's twins
23:48Does your name begin with an L? Yes
23:53Yeah, I think I've got it lauren now
23:57No, no, of course not
23:59Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house
24:02It's the second letter of your sister's name a continent
24:06Yes, what about l-u
24:10Yes, that's right. Yes. Well, I'm gonna learn to make a name
24:15Lindsay is it Lindsay we had it no Lindsay with a Y
24:19Why?
24:21Is your name Lindsay? Yes
24:23I've done the clock
24:25That's it
24:27We've done it
24:29I
24:35Have so many questions I
24:37Guess I'll start with why was your go-to system mambo number five?
24:43I just tried to think of something where there's loads of women's names in one go
24:48It allowed us later in the game to eradicate Lisa from this at least it's not in the song
24:52Yeah, she is Monica Erica Rita Tina Sandra Mary and Jessica. All right, so she's not in the song
25:00Even you reading the night like that made me want to go
25:02A lot of the time you appeared as a as someone who was scared of her partner
25:15This is terrifying to say that almost yourself. You went he's really angry
25:23Disappointed
25:25I'm saying we were a good team. We were a good team. Yeah, he's like good cop furious cop. Yeah
25:32Well, well, it looked like it took forever 44 minutes 30 a lovely massage
25:40What I'd like to think now before I throw to break is that you'd be able to play in mambo number five
25:47And I know you haven't got it, but what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna read the link to break
25:52Imagining that is playing
25:55Okay
26:04We'll see you in a minute
26:06We'll see you in the middle of a fiendish the tricky team task mmm. It's not that tricky Greg. I think some people are just thick
26:26But now it's time to see how the team of three good on it's Anya Phil and Sanjeev
26:36Is your name
26:38Thompson no
26:42Yeah, yeah, is that my question? Yeah, I come
26:49Doesn't begin from a to G not a child J either K or hell. Yes doesn't begin with a K so it begins with an L
26:56Yeah, is your name Louise? No, it's not Louise. Is there a you know?
27:02You know
27:06Super cute snooker clue
27:10Right
27:12Billiard snooker
27:14Q right this is the second letter a
27:17E
27:18No
27:22Are any letters repeated no there must be a quicker way to do this
27:28I'll say can you say yes when I point to the right letter? That's good good
27:34Third letter of your name. Yes. Oh, right. Thank you. I think it isn't Louise. I think they're lying
27:41It's you know answer if there was a you in her name, and she said no, then she's a damn liar
27:46The next letter is deep loud
27:50This isn't a name. It's called loud
27:54Yes, hey
27:56Jason a
28:00Okay, just go to make sense is that wrong? Yes
28:04Guys, it's not where we've gone wrong
28:07This has put me off making new people
28:10The second last letter. Yes
28:14Okay, I asked about double letters before and you said there weren't any that's a double letter
28:19This is like insane
28:21Why is nothing making sense? What the hell is going on?
28:27Okay guys, I said are there clues as to how we can get your name somewhere and she said yes. Oh
28:32Oh, Thompson Thompson. I was thinking Thompson twins got it
28:38Is it in any way connected to the Thompson twins? Yes, it is
28:43She's a twin the twins twins are identical. They can't be able to their repetition. Is it a name that's
28:52Please say something good
29:02Oh
29:12Twins
29:14Probably right about for one. Yeah, we'll just keep going in settings. You name Louise. We'll see what happens
29:20Your name Louise now
29:23Who did fill us
29:25Are you Louise now?
29:27Is your name Louise? No
29:32No, this one's not Louise either
29:34Okay, hurry go
29:36Louise
29:38Yes
29:39Yes
29:39Yes
29:40It's a swap
29:40Is your name Louise?
29:42No
29:43I'm just going to ask again
29:44Is your name Louise? Yes
29:46Brilliant, nice one, thanks
29:48Are you having a nice time?
29:49Yes
29:50Yes
29:53Hello
29:54Hi
29:54Are you Louise? Yes
29:55I've done the clock
30:02Something that sums up the whole attempt was Anya looking at Phil and going, please say something good
30:10While Sanjeev was just sighing periodically
30:13I felt like Sanjeev was babysitting us
30:18You didn't have to find out both their names, you just had to say the name of the person in the lab
30:21So you all got Louise, you never found out Lindsay's name
30:23You took 19 and a half minutes longer than the other team
30:26One hour and three minutes
30:28Aw, A range, dream team
30:30Dream team
30:31One hour and three minutes
30:32And also at the end, Phil went in twice in a row
30:34And you didn't take any turns at the end
30:36There's that damn snooker cube
30:39This has got a sting for you, Sanjeev, hasn't it?
30:41Do you know what? You just have to sit back, let the kids play
30:47And you know, at some point the parents will come back and you get paid and you go home
30:52Remarkably Maisie and Rhys have definitely won
30:54So well done you, five points for Maisie and Rhys
31:00Do we get any points?
31:01Oh, I think
31:02I'll give you one or two, I just haven't decided which yet
31:04OK, when are you going to do that?
31:06LAUGHTER
31:08I'll take one because it was my fault and I'd really like the other two to have two points
31:14If you think...
31:15Wow!
31:16Do you know what, Phil?
31:17I agree!
31:18That is so lovely
31:20Wow!
31:21That is lovely and sportsmanlike
31:23If you want one point, I agree, the whole team should help
31:25LAUGHTER
31:30One point for the team of three, well done!
31:35Let's have another task
31:36Thank you for the opportunity, Greg
31:37Right then, everyone, come with me and let's have some good old-fashioned fun
31:40and games in the hutch
31:42Ooh!
31:43Ooh!
32:02Hiya!
32:04Traditional looking game
32:05It's a brand new game
32:06Oh, right, OK
32:07Looks like an old game to me, but...
32:11Create your own snakes and steps board
32:14You must add one snake and one set of steps
32:18You must also add one mystery box
32:20Ooh!
32:21The instruction inside the mystery box is up to you
32:23You have ten minutes, your time starts now
32:26Ow!
32:28Well, he really will stretch, won't he?
32:30Oops!
32:31Yep
32:33Right, here we go
32:34So, we're going to make some steps
32:36They can grow back anyway
32:41I look at it as like life, you go, oh well, first foot on that old property step
32:48Here I go!
32:50Aww!
32:51Mystery box?
32:52And this is just any rule?
32:54Yeah
32:55So you've got to do whatever this says
32:56Mm-hmm
32:57That's going in the mystery box
32:59And what number's that going on?
33:00It's on number 70
33:0147, 48, 61, 62
33:02It's a mystery
33:03Thank you very much!
33:04Excellent, thank you
33:05Look forward to playing your game
33:06Er...
33:07You're on your own
33:08APPLAUSE
33:09Andyer thinks that if you cut a snake in half, it grows back
33:10It does?
33:11No, it doesn't
33:12OK
33:13A worm, sure
33:14If you cut a snake in half, it dies
33:15LAUGHTER
33:16They're basically the same sort of guy
33:18The film Worms on a Plane is not as...
33:21LAUGHTER
33:22APPLAUSE
33:23OK, Greg, it's time to supersize things while at the same time gaining further insight into Maisie Adam's memory
33:32Ooh!
33:33Oh, for fuck's sake
33:35LAUGHTER
33:36LAUGHTER
33:37OK, Greg, it's time to supersize things while at the same time gaining further insight into Maisie Adam's memory
33:45Ooh!
33:46Ooh!
33:47Oh, for fuck's sake
34:00Hello
34:01Ooh!
34:02Oh
34:03I remember this
34:04Did it ring any bells?
34:05No
34:06No, but I'm willing to venture into the unknown
34:12Win, snakes and steps
34:14This isn't the one I designed though, is it?
34:16Well
34:17Is it?
34:18Players will move from youngest to oldest
34:21Players
34:24Which players?
34:25So you're up against four other comedians
34:27Oh, right
34:28You must throw the die properly each time
34:30And you must not tamper with the die
34:33If you land on the head of a snake, you must slither down to its tail
34:36I know the rules
34:37If you land at the base of a step, you've got to climb it
34:40If you land on the mystery box, you must do what it says
34:44First to land exactly on the finishing seat wins
34:47Your time starts...
34:50Now
34:51And you'll be going fourth in the game because of your age
34:53Oh, Christ
34:56Which number do you think you'll be throwing?
34:59The...thanks
35:00Thanks
35:01None taken
35:06So we've combined all their...
35:07That's what I was about to ask, just to clarify
35:09Go for it
35:10So that was all of them
35:11That was all of them and one big bolt
35:13It's worth noting that Phil's steps
35:15Started at 11, 12, 13 and 14
35:18And went up to 71, the penultimate square
35:22Where his snake met the ladder and took you all the way back down to the beginning
35:26But I presumed you would all think you would have to do it later on
35:29None of you did
35:31So, erm, you have no recollection of that whatsoever
35:34There was a lot of weeks between when I did the one in the hutch and coming to that racecourse
35:39Yeah, three
35:43OK, we're stopping for another break
35:45In the final part of the show, someone will go home with all of the doors from Maisie Adams' home
35:51But, don't worry, she won't remember
35:53LAUGHTER
35:56We'll see you in a minute
36:06Hello
36:07Thank you
36:08And welcome to the final part of the show
36:10And if you think Tipping Point is exciting, get ready
36:13Because you're about to see a giant game of snakes and steps
36:16And also, you're wrong about Tipping Point
36:19That is bang out of order, Greg
36:21Shout out to Ben Shepard, love you, bro, seriously
36:24LAUGHTER
36:26Now for the game we've all been waiting for
36:28And we're going to see four of them playing it
36:30That's everyone apart from Rhys
36:32And Rhys knows why
36:35Who do you think the youngest is, Anya?
36:37Me
36:38Who do you get to go first?
36:39Yes!
36:41Five!
36:43That's a five
36:47Oh, that was lame, so I'm here
36:48Correct
36:50Come on, Daddy needs some new shoes
36:52It's gone overboard
36:54Six!
36:55That's good, that
36:56Yeah
36:57There's a six in it
36:58Why is it a six?
36:59Just nod the camera if you can see a six
37:01We're on a six, baby!
37:02You're taking that as a six
37:03One, two, three
37:04Four, five, six
37:05That ladder goes all the way up to 71
37:07Oh, brilliant
37:08Five
37:09Three
37:10Oh, these are ladders
37:11Oh, these are from mine
37:12Oh, I know what's going to happen
37:15What's going to happen, Phil?
37:16Can I throw this anywhere on the floor?
37:18Ideally, we'll sort of just in front of you here
37:21Okay
37:22Oh, you've got to the base of some steps
37:23Right
37:24Yeah, you're at number 71
37:25That was a good move
37:26Okay, can I throw it here?
37:27Oh, unfortunately, you're actually on a snake there
37:29Well, that's kind of useless
37:31This is, that's a daft game
37:33I agree with you
37:34Shall I just start again?
37:35Well, I think you have to, yeah
37:36Why would you put a ladder up to where you're going to have a snake?
37:38You're going to have to ask Phil
37:40Phil?
37:41Phil Ellis
37:42Did he design the course?
37:44Because that's favouritism if you're letting some of us design it
37:47Whoever put a snake there is an absolute moron
37:50Oh, no, there's a snake
37:52Phil's snake
37:53Phil is a snake
37:54Right, welcome back to the start
37:55You do have an extra throw because you've got a six
37:59Three
38:00Three
38:01Three
38:02Three
38:03One, two, three
38:04I think that goes to the end
38:06Hey!
38:07That's Anya's ladder, where does it take you?
38:09To the finish
38:10Congratulations, Maisie
38:13Why is it Anya's ladder, though?
38:14Don't worry about that
38:16Come on, congratulations
38:18That is the end of Snakes and Steps
38:20I feel sorry for the amount of setup
38:22For the amount of length of time that took, really
38:24I feel guilty
38:25I feel guilty
38:30I don't want to make you paranoid, but it is incredible, isn't it?
38:32I'm worried now, I think I need to get checked
38:36So, Phil basically ruined everyone's
38:38But luckily Anya had put one on number four and they all threw a three which got them to four and they got to the end pretty quick
38:44Very competitive
38:45Mm
38:46But why has Rhys been singled out?
38:48What happened?
38:50Brush your teeth, grab a sleeping bag, it is time for Rhys's attempt, with thanks, of course, to Phil Ellis
38:56Here we go
38:57Oh, no!
39:00OK
39:01Oh, you're at the base of a ladder
39:02She goes all the way up
39:04To here
39:06Oh, now I only need one
39:08No you don't, because where are you now?
39:09What?
39:10Isn't that the end? That's this one?
39:11That's the end, yeah, but there's something else on 71
39:17Who put that there?
39:18Phil
39:23Four
39:24So you're going up your own ladder
39:27Is it secure?
39:28No
39:31Oh, a mystery boxed, oh, look at it
39:32Yeah, that's exciting
39:36You are bitten by a snake
39:38I need an antidote, and it's found on square nine
39:41Do you remember who wrote that?
39:42I think I wrote it, didn't I?
39:45Thirdly five
39:47They're all doing this
39:48Yeah
39:52I'm all right now
39:53Great
39:54Four
39:55Ah, there's quite a big ladder
39:56Oh, yep
40:03Do you want a hand?
40:04No!
40:05I don't!
40:06You're going up Phil's ladder
40:09But now I'm on Phil's snake
40:10Yep
40:11Does it activate again?
40:12It's not a single-use snake
40:13Not a single-use snake
40:16Oh, fuck
40:17And then there's a five, okay?
40:18Three, four, five
40:19Up to the top of there, down there
40:22Four
40:23Up the ladder down the snake, back to the start
40:24There we go again
40:25Up the ladder down the snake, back to the start
40:27Done with this
40:28One
40:29Oh!
40:30Maisie's ladder
40:31Can this be one?
40:32Will I ever be able to end it?
40:33Yeah, just with the right attitude
40:34What do you mean?
40:36What's that supposed to mean?
40:37LAUGHTER
40:38I've got to roll again
40:39But I'm going to look at this
40:41Hey mate
40:43Read the next one
40:44Read the next note
40:46How's things?
40:48PTO
40:50Read the next one
40:51Who did this?
40:52Phil
40:54Go back to the start
40:56Him to deserve this
40:57I just did an antidote thing
40:58It didn't affect anybody
41:03I'm first
41:04Back down
41:05Four
41:06Nice
41:07So you just need a five or a six
41:08What did you say? A five or a six?
41:09Mm-hmm
41:10Okay
41:14Five
41:15Five
41:16Right
41:17You cleared the ladder
41:18Right
41:19Two
41:20That's fine
41:21Three
41:22Three
41:23Six
41:24Thirty-three
41:25Five
41:26Four
41:27Six
41:28Three
41:29Three
41:30Five
41:31Sixty-five
41:32You've got to throw a seven to finish
41:33I need a seven
41:34Six
41:38That's the worst you could have thrown
41:41Is that again?
41:42I did tell you what you needed
41:43The four is in this
41:44It's just a bouncy stupid thing with your numbers on it
41:46Spin down the stairs
41:48Three
41:49Two
41:50You're at the base of Anya's ladder
41:51And then I come all the way down
41:53Follow it up and see what happens
41:59Oh my god
42:07I didn't... I don't...
42:10Can we swap seats?
42:13I mean, I've suggested there's a bumbling rage in you race
42:16But I thought you were remarkably well-humoured considering
42:19Thank you, yeah
42:22Except when you went
42:23It's just a bouncy stupid thing with numbers on it
42:27I thought maybe the cracks were starting to show then
42:29It was a lot of bad luck in that
42:30It looked like it took a lifetime
42:32Yeah, I mean, it's not even about speed
42:34It's the number of rolls
42:35But he did take 42 minutes
42:36So, same as with the twins, really
42:39How many rolls?
42:4132 throws
42:4232
42:43And you did it in three and two in three
42:45Yeah, two...
42:46Well, there's a system
42:47You know, when you know
42:49Avoid the snake, really
42:53Not rocket science, mate
42:58Reeves gets one point
42:59Two points to Anya
43:00Three throws
43:01Three points to Phil
43:02But they've both got two throws
43:03So they get five points each
43:05The winners are Maisie and Sam Jean
43:12It is, of course, now time to head to the stage
43:14For the final task of the show!
43:24Who will be reading the task there?
43:25Reece Shearsmith, please
43:26Turn your cup triangle completely upside down
43:33Your upside down cup triangle must be freestanding
43:36And you must obey the instructions written on each layer
43:41If any cups fall, you must completely start again
43:45You may not affect other people's cup triangles
43:50Wait, what does it mean?
43:51I'm not finished
43:52Oh
43:53Fastest wins
43:57On your marks
43:58Get set
44:00And they're off
44:02Right hand behind back
44:03Oh, barbots
44:07This is interesting
44:08Right eye shut
44:09Right eye shut
44:10She's bypassed the first two instructions
44:11There's no rules against that, I suppose
44:14Right foot off the ground
44:15What?
44:16Right foot off the ground
44:17Right foot off the ground
44:18Oh
44:21So you need to rebuild your triangle
44:22Well...
44:23Fuck off!
44:24Well...
44:28Oh, Sanjeev
44:29A mouth open, tongue out groaning
44:31Eurgh
44:32Eurgh
44:33Eurgh
44:34Eurgh
44:35Eurgh
44:36Oh, that is...
44:37Oh, fuck!
44:38Oh, fuck!
44:39Oh, fuck!
44:40You can start again, please, Maisie
44:41Start again, please, Maisie
44:42Eurgh
44:43Eurgh
44:44Eurgh
44:45Eurgh
44:46Oh, lovely
44:47Right foot off the ground
44:49Eurgh
44:51Eurgh
44:52Eurgh
44:53Eurgh
44:54Eurgh
44:55Eurgh
44:56I'm very sorry to say that Rhys has not turned his upside down
44:58She's turned hers upside down
44:59What?
45:01Eurgh
45:02Eurgh
45:03Oh, Reece, the cups are the wrong way up
45:05Eurgh
45:06Oh, my God
45:07Eurgh
45:08Eurgh
45:09Eurgh
45:10Eurgh
45:11Eurgh
45:12Eurgh
45:13Oh, yeah!
45:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:24RAAAGH!
45:26Should we get the medics? Have a look at me.
45:30She's not going to remember any of this.
45:35Oh, it's going to be close.
45:40Give me that try!
45:44It's actually going to have a look at me, old man.
45:51Wonderful. We'll have that to your final scores.
45:53Come down and join me!
46:01That's exciting stuff.
46:03So, Rhys got one point on that one.
46:04Maisie, two. Sanjeev, three. Phil, four.
46:06But the winner of the task was Anya with five points.
46:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:09I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
46:13But the winner of the episode, with 19 points, it is...
46:18Maisie Adams!
46:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:22Maisie Adams wins!
46:24Please, high-cost to the stage for your unlikely high-cost rival!
46:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:30So...
46:32What...
46:34What have we learned today?
46:35Well, I believe we've learnt the very definition of victory.
46:38Is it the person with the most points?
46:40No.
46:41Is it the person who heads home with the prizes?
46:44No.
46:45The definition of victory is getting a fellow competitor
46:48to take home a vial of your own piss.
46:51LAUGHTER
46:52We'll see you next time.
46:53But for now, here's the episode winner, Maisie Adams!
46:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:58MUSIC CONTINUES
47:14MUSIC CONTINUES
47:15MUSIC CONTINUES
Be the first to comment