ALF Staffel 3 Folge 4 "Tonight, Tonight" Teil 1 #HD

Bronze Girls TV

Die Folgen 4 & 5 sind in Englisch mit deutschen Untertiteln.   Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiier kommt … ALFie? Wenn das irrste Alien der Galaxis die Moderation einer beliebten Talkshow übernimmt, müssen wir uns auf allerlei Überraschendes gefasst machen.

Transcript

00:00Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017

00:30Here's Alfie!

00:56Thank you!

00:58Thank you!

01:00For those of you who don't know me, I'm Alf.

01:03The answer to the burning question,

01:05who's the only NBC star with more hair than Michael Landon?

01:12You know, it's great to be here in Burbank.

01:15It's just like being back on my home planet, Melmac.

01:19After it blew up.

01:23Yo, Ed, nice to see you.

01:25Well, welcome to the Tonight Show, Alf.

01:29Ed was missing last week,

01:31so the cops put his picture on a six-pack of Budweiser.

01:34Ah! Ah! Ah!

01:37Ah!

01:37Also with us tonight is Mr. Tommy Newsome.

01:41Hi, Alf.

01:42After the show tonight, Tommy and I are going to go out and paint the town beige.

01:49I've got the brush right here.

01:52Good one, Tom!

01:54You hang on to that.

01:56Tommy's not dull.

01:57He was just weaned on Novocaine.

01:59Well, I'm glad all of you can get in,

02:03because it sure was hot out there today.

02:05How hot was it?

02:08What am I, a thermometer?

02:12Hey, we have a fabulous show for you tonight.

02:14We've got Joan Embry,

02:16Joyce Brothers,

02:17and a Pope.

02:18So, stay tuned.

02:20We'll be right back.

02:21We'll be right back.

02:51We'll be right back.

03:21We'll be right back.

03:51Alf!

03:52You interrupted my drum solo.

03:55Oh, we're back.

03:57Ha, hi.

03:58Uh, I guess it must be time for our spontaneous, unrehearsed banter.

04:03You start.

04:05Well, gee, I-I don't know where to start.

04:08All right, all right.

04:09I'll start.

04:11Great to be here, Ed.

04:12You know, I haven't seen you since I opened my mail this morning.

04:15Oh, you got one of my sweepstakes announcements, did you?

04:20Yeah.

04:20How many jobs do you have, anyway?

04:23Well, well, a lot.

04:24Oh, well, you know, I really enjoy you on that show

04:27where they have all those mistakes and foul-ups.

04:30Oh, you mean bloopers and practical jokes.

04:33No, star search.

04:37Well, your show is certainly a hit, Alf.

04:40What show's that, Ed?

04:42Well, Alf, right here on NBC.

04:448 o'clock on Monday nights.

04:47Oh, that show.

04:49Thanks.

04:50I understand you brought some clips.

04:52Would you like to set them up?

04:53I'd love to.

04:55See, in my show, I play an alien life form.

04:59It's a real stretch for me.

05:01Watch the monitors.

05:04Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!

05:11Woof, woof, woof!

05:15Alf.

05:17Why did you do that?

05:20Well, I could have licked your hand,

05:23but I didn't think either of us would enjoy that.

05:27What a strange family.

05:33Now, what do you want?

05:36Nothing.

05:38I was just doing the Heimlich maneuver on myself.

05:44By the way, don't bother looking for your laxative on a rope.

05:51You mean my soap on a rope?

05:54Trust me on this one.

06:02Great, that's Al. Monday nights at 8 o'clock.

06:05Good clips, huh?

06:06Oh, they look pretty funny.

06:08Pretty funny?

06:09If I were Johnny, you'd be doing that ho, ho, ho thing.

06:13I'm sorry, Al.

06:14Ho, ho, ho.

06:16Don't patronize me.

06:19Well, now I guess we know all about your rise to stardom.

06:22Every possible thing we could want to know about, Alf, you have now told us.

06:26You are wrong, compensated spokesman-breath.

06:30You mean there's more?

06:32Yes.

06:33In my quest for stardom, I was screen-tested for roles too numerous to mention.

06:40Okay, I'll mention them.

06:41For example, I did not get the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi in the movie Star Wars.

06:48I did not get the lead in the FDR story.

06:53But I did get called back twice for the role of Eleanor.

06:57And I lost out to McGruff the Crime Dog for the lead-in, Sam Spade, Get Spade.

07:07Those screen tests look suspiciously like episodes of your show, Alf.

07:12My cup looks suspiciously empty, Ed.

07:16Okay, I'll get you a refill.

07:18Thank you.

07:19And while you're gone, I'll show some clips of just how versatile a performer I am.

07:25You folks watch the monitors.

07:27What about the Pope?

07:28He can watch, too.

07:31Roll the tape.

07:34Stop in the name of love

07:38Before you break my heart

07:42Stop in the name of love

07:46Before you break my heart

07:50Make it all over the world

07:52Oh, hi.

07:57Oh, a housewarming gift.

07:58How nice.

08:01Call number 464

08:0214 minutes to Bristol, Connecticut

08:06Call number...

08:09Hit the music, will ya?

08:26I'm gonna watch Dance Fever.

08:33Yeah!

08:35Go Feverettes!

08:39Alf, I thought we agreed

08:42that you'd stop impersonating me on the phone.

08:46We agreed I would stop impersonating the cast of Green Acres.

08:50Although, Mr. Haney could have sold Brian

08:54some revivifying potion

08:57out of the back of his truck.

09:01Sorry it took so long.

09:04Alf?

09:05Alf?

09:07Alf?

09:07I am not Alf.

09:10I am Melmac the Magnificent.

09:14Oh, no.

09:15That's Johnny's turban.

09:16Nobody wears Johnny's turban.

09:19Look again, banana number two.

09:22I hold in my hands these envelopes.

09:26And without ever having seen the questions,

09:28I, in my mystical

09:30and borderline tasteful way,

09:32will divine the answers.

09:36Where are the answers?

09:37Well, they're in the desk,

09:38but Johnny's supposed to do those tomorrow night.

09:41So, who's stopping him?

09:49Red Square.

09:50Alf, look...

09:53Red Square.

09:54What do you call that blotch on Gorbachev's head?

10:05Red Square.

10:06Red Square.

10:09Junk Bonds.

10:11Junk Bonds.

10:16What do you call the last three 007 movies?

10:20Junk Bonds.

10:21Junk Bonds.

10:26Palomino.

10:27Palomino.

10:28Palomino.

10:30Palomino.

10:36What did Trigger sue Roy Rogers for?

10:42I should go back to my old job

10:44pulling porch splinters

10:45aus Bartels & James.

10:51St. Elsewhere.

10:54St. Elsewhere.

11:01What's the message

11:02on Mother Teresa's answering machine?

11:05St. Elsewhere.

11:10Rich Little.

11:12Rich Little.

11:15Rich Little.

11:17Rich Little.

11:20Describe Dudley Moore in two words.

11:23Rich Little.

11:28Cat on a hot tin roof.

11:32Cat on a hot tin roof.

11:39Cat on a hot tin roof.

11:42Name a TV dinner on Melmac.

11:47I built that one myself.

11:51I hold in my hand

11:53the last envelope.

11:56Yeah!

11:58May an alien from a distant planet

12:00invade your living room

12:02every Monday night at 8,

12:037 central.

12:04Goodyear, Bonzo, and Bush.

12:12Goodyear, Bonzo, and Bush.

12:15And Bush.

12:16Yeah.

12:22Name a blimp, a chimp, and a wimp.

12:25Oh, hey, Ed.

12:29Here, I had to take a few tucks in this turban.

12:31You might want to have it fixed

12:32before Johnny gets back.

12:34Oh, boy.

12:35There's more to come,

12:36so stay tuned.

12:39Do you think we can fix it?

12:40I don't know.

12:40I don't know, Al.

12:59You don't really explain how you do it.

13:00You just do it.

13:01It's like breathing.

13:02Oh, come on.

13:03Teach me.

13:04Well, it only works if it's spontaneous.

13:06Just do a little one.

13:08Hi-oh.

13:12Well, let me get this right.

13:14Is the accent on the hi or the yo?

13:17Al.

13:19Hi-oh.

13:20You really should bring out our first guest.

13:23Boy, Ed, you're a real slave to tradition.

13:27We are honored that our first guest

13:29has chosen this show

13:31on which to make a rare television appearance.

13:34The spiritual leader of millions worldwide.

13:37Ladies and gentlemen,

13:39please welcome

13:39Dr. Joyce Brothers.

13:43Alf,

13:44you should bring out the Pope first.

13:47Who's hosting here, Ed?

13:51I'm waiting.

13:53You are, Alf.

13:55Dr. Joyce,

13:56haul it out here.

13:57It's very nice to meet you.

14:08What happened to your accent?

14:11What accent?

14:13Who are you?

14:15I'm Dr. Joyce Brothers.

14:19Oh, no.

14:20I got you mixed up with Dr. Ruth.

14:25I'm sure it happens all the time.

14:27It's never happened before.

14:29Oh.

14:30What kind of doctor are you?

14:32I'm a psychologist.

14:33I'm an expert in interpersonal human relationships.

14:36Oh.

14:37Well, did you bring any clips to show us?

14:39I'm a psychologist.

14:41I don't have any clips.

14:43Well, you're in luck.

14:44I brought a few extra.

14:46Watch the monitor.

14:50Well, the week is over as far as I'm concerned.

14:52I'm going to have a plain old orange.

15:06Willie,

15:06I don't think that I can make it till sundown.

15:09Why don't we go away for the day?

15:12Good idea.

15:13Oh, come on.

15:14That's silly.

15:15Now, why don't we just tell Alf that he's won?

15:17Well, I'm for that.

15:18You've won.

15:20Won, ma'am?

15:21The bet is off.

15:23You can turn in your whisk broom and your phony accent

15:25and let out a big burp and let's get on with it.

15:29Boop.

15:30Boop.

15:34Boop.

15:35Alf.

15:36Alf.

15:37What?

15:38What?

15:38What are you doing?

15:40Well, I was sleeping till you woke me up.

15:43Well, since when do you sleep standing up?

15:47Since I started sleeping with that box on my head.

15:51You look ridiculous.

15:53Well, not everyone sleeps like you.

15:56Mouth open, drooling on the pillow.

16:02Go on.

16:03Go back to the tent.

16:05It's too dangerous out there.

16:06I had to kill a 50-foot water snake with my pocket knife.

16:11There are no 50-foot water snakes in the backyard.

16:15I'm telling you.

16:16It was bright green and it spit water.

16:20Psst.

16:22That was my new garden hose.

16:25Whoa.

16:26No wonder it was sucking on the spigot.

16:33Hey, Lynn!

16:34You want to take over for Willie?

16:36Okay.

16:37Okay.

16:42Your move.

16:44Okay.

16:52Checkmate.

16:53So, Doc, what did you think?

17:04Well, judging from those clips, I think you have a little trouble meshing with the family unit.

17:09Oh, yeah?

17:11So's your grandmother.

17:13That's a rocket defensive attitude, Alf.

17:16Are you afraid to face a realistic assessment of your ability?

17:19I can't hear you.

17:21I'm not even listening.

17:22I'm the guest host.

17:23You are just a guest.

17:25Maybe I'd better come back at another time.

17:27I'm sorry.

17:27Why?

17:29Do you feel threatened when prevented from espousing tenants of your so-called profession?

17:35Possibly revealing a lack of maturity on your part.

17:38So's your grandmother.

17:44Way to go, Alf.

17:46Joyce's brother's been coming on this show for 25 years and that's the first time she walked off.

17:52Well, what did I do?

17:53She's the one who forgot to bring clips.

17:55Uh-oh.

17:56Here comes the producer.

17:59Oh, hi, Freddy.

18:01It's Fred DeCordova, executive producer of The Tonight Show.

18:06Alf, uh, Pope John Paul.

18:13Fred?

18:14John Paul Jones.

18:17Your turn.

18:19There is a logical sequence by which we bring our guests on this show.

18:23World religious leaders, doctors, people from zoos.

18:31So what?

18:34Well, if you'll read your contract, if you don't do it our way, you don't get paid.

18:40Ladies and gentlemen, His Holiness, Pope John Paul II.

18:56So what's the deal?

18:59His Holiness is in the restroom.

19:01He drank a lot of coffee waiting to come on.

19:03So now what are we going to do?

19:07Oh, I know.

19:08Let's play Stump the Band.

19:11You hold down the band, I'll saw off their legs.

19:14Oh, my.

19:16You could bring out another one of your guests.

19:20All right, all right.

19:22Send out whoever you got back there.

19:24Hi, Joan.

19:31Welcome to the show.

19:35Ladies and gentlemen, Joan Embry of the San Diego Zoo.

19:40Joan, Joan.

19:42You didn't have to bring me a snack.

19:44This is Felis Cadis, a domestic cow's cat.

19:49My favorite.

19:50Hey, that, Alf, that looks like the cat from your show.

19:54Why, so it is.

19:57You know, I had planned on bringing a reticulated python, but somebody let him go and put this

20:02cat in his cage.

20:04It was probably the Pope.

20:06He's been hanging around backstage all night.

20:10The Pope told me you did it.

20:13Hey, who are you going to believe, me or the Pope?

20:18Did you bring any clips?

20:20Clips?

20:21No, I brought a snake.

20:24Well, I have a few clips I think you might enjoy.

20:27Roll them.

20:306.13.

20:31One minute to go, luckmeister.

20:34Then I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon.

20:39The duck a la range is ready.

20:42Have some wine.

20:43It'll slow down your reflexes.

20:44All right.

20:49Hold still, Lucky.

20:51I'll be off your back in a minute.

20:54The only good cat is a stir-fried cat.

21:04Did you ever hear the expression, curiosity killed the cat?

21:08Yeah.

21:09It's usually followed by the expression, pasta plum sauce.

21:16Hello, young man.

21:18Hello, old woman.

21:21We're terribly sorry to bother you so late, but we couldn't get out any earlier.

21:25Oh, well, I'm afraid that I gave my last candy bar away over an hour ago.

21:32Oh, shucks.

21:34Well, I'll see if I can't find something else.

21:38Was that a cat?

21:40Oh, yes.

21:40I have lots of cats.

21:43Meow.

21:45Well, I'll take a yellow one.

21:51What is cat juice?

21:53Well, it's just like orange juice.

21:55But instead of squeezing the juice out of an orange, you squeeze the juice out of a...

21:59I don't want to hear it.

22:00Then cover your ears.

22:02Cat.

22:03I heard it.

22:04You were warned.

22:05Oh!

22:05Too rough?

22:12You're awful.

22:13Hey, Joe, relax.

22:15I haven't eaten a single cat since I've been here.

22:19They've all been married.

22:24I'm reporting you to the ASPCA.

22:28Oh, just what I need.

22:30Union problems.

22:31Next time you have a cat on the show, make sure you bring enough for everybody.

22:38Nice going, Al.

22:39You're two for two.

22:41Why don't you get the Pope out here and try for a shutout?

22:44Ah!

22:45Good one, driver's in!

22:46Ha!

22:47Ha!

22:48Oh.

22:51You broke Johnny's cup.

22:54Hey, that's nothing.

22:55You should see what I did to his dressing room.

22:58I've never seen Johnny's dressing room.

23:02I mean, I'm not allowed.

23:07Oh, great.

23:08It's Fred with a phone.

23:10Don't you have an office, man?

23:13There's a phone call for you.

23:15In case you haven't noticed, I happen to be hosting The Tonight Show.

23:20Can't you take a message?

23:22It's Mr. Carson.

23:23Tell him I'm not here.

23:32We'll be right back after these messages.

23:34So, Johnny, have you been watching the show?

23:56Yeah?

23:57What do you think?

24:00All right, all right.

24:00I'm sorry I broke your cup.

24:03Have you been enjoying the clips?

24:06Uh-huh.

24:08Uh-huh.

24:09What did he say?

24:12He said if I don't shape up,

24:14he'll send over a nearsighted veterinarian

24:16to make a few clips of his own.

24:20You'd probably like to see how I get out of this mess, huh?

24:23No problem.

24:24Watch the next Alf.

24:25We'll be right back.

24:55We'll be right back.

25:25We'll be right back.

25:26We'll be right back.

25:27We'll be right back.

25:28We'll be right back.

25:29We'll be right back.

25:30We'll be right back.

25:31We'll be right back.

25:32We'll be right back.

25:33We'll be right back.

25:34We'll be right back.

25:35We'll be right back.

25:36We'll be right back.

25:37We'll be right back.

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